


Seven | Book 1

by Adorkable757



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Multi, Reverse Harem, Slavery, Violence, a whole bunch of messed up stuff probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-19 18:16:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 56
Words: 225,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8220401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adorkable757/pseuds/Adorkable757
Summary: She didn't ask to be pushed out of her home. She didn't ask to live on the streets. She didn't ask to be put in the castle as a spy. And she definitely didn't ask to get involved in a surging rebellion. For a girl who has difficulty distinguishing emotionally charged decisions from logic, being placed in the middle of a growing war is the last thing the world needs. She finds herself stuck in a world full of mutants, magic, and privilege. It's up to her to decide where she wants to stand. Will she save those who need her most, or will she let her own selfish desires turn her into the thing she once hated most. A human infected with the Seven.





	1. Forward

**Description**

She didn't ask to be pushed out of her home. She didn't ask to live on the streets. She didn't ask to be put in the castle as a spy. And she definitely didn't ask to get involved in a surging rebellion. For a girl who has difficulty distinguishing emotionally charged decisions from logic, being placed in the middle of a growing war is the last thing that world needs. She finds herself stuck in a world full of mutants, magic, and priveledge. It's up to her to decide where she wants to stand. Will she save those who need her most, or will she let her own selfish desires turn her into the thing she once hated most. A human infected with the Seven.

June is just 19 year old girl who finds herself thrown into multiple unfortunate circumstances. She wants to be a fighter, but she finds that she is weak and too caring to survive in the world she is born in to. Her weakness lies in just how easily she puts trust into those whom she wants to trust. When Tao convinces her to help with the Charmer rebellion against the Matriarchy run by their female counterparts, the Gaia, she ends up discovering the reality she had been in the dark about. With the help of Kris and Luhan, she finds herself inside of the castle witnessing firsthand the horrors that the Charmers are subject to. When she is pampered and showed in the affection she's been without for so long, she finds herself becoming victim of the Deadly Seven and turning into the very thing she promised to stop.

Will she be able to fulfill the role that the Charmers want her to?

Or will she turn into the person the Queen and the Gaia want her to be?

* * *

**Author Note #1**

This story isn't meant to be a work of art, nor is meant to be a profound piece of literature. My lead is meant to be a typical girl, with a limited vocabulary (like me) and her alongside the boys of Exo will speak in that way. She isn't meant to be strong and neither are the boys. I wrote this wanting to showcase a vunerability in all the characters; she will be a "hero" but not without having to face her own demons. I wrote this originally planning on making it in 2nd person, but it was weird and so I changed it to a point of view I was accustomed to. I tried to make June vague enough that any one can image themself as her, and since she has no memory of her own name, you can kind of just...stick your own in there if you want. It's going to be slow at first, and most of the boys won't show up until the second arc, but I'm writting this for fun and as more of a way to test out my writting skills again (since it's been years since I last wrote a fanfiction). That being said, all 12 will show up so don't rush me telling me to put *insert your bias here* in sooner. *insert your bias here* will appear in due time, so relax. I'm writing more to redevelop my writing skills than to write what you all want to read. If you have things you want to see though, feel free to tell me. I can always alter ideas if I like what you have to say, so be respectful por favor.

* * *

Mentions of:

  * Abuse (Mental/Physical/Emotional/Sexual)
  * Rape
  * Violence
  * Humiliation
  * Suicide
  * Self-Harm
  * Bulimia
  * Slavery



Mature[ Content](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1113642/seven-angst-fantasy-romance-reverseharem-exo-ot12-postapocalypticau#91783185) Includes:

  * Strong language
  * Sex
  * Orgies (Maybe?)
  * Mutual Masturbation
  * And a whole lot of other fucked up stuff that come from my mind.



**Author Note #2**

This isn't a light read, and I will try to leave warnings before each chapter so that no one will have to read anything that makes them uncomfortable. However, it should be said that there will probably be a lot of fucked up stuff that gets brought up and I in no way condone this. If things seem rushed or even[ slow](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1113642/seven-angst-fantasy-romance-reverseharem-exo-ot12-postapocalypticau#1215225), then it's probably intentional. I don't want to throw all of the above in at one time, and if I do, there is a reason behind it. All of these ideas were formed while I was in my Anthropology class and we were discussing the Matriarchy and the Patriarchy and I thought "Wow, what would happen in I made a distopian Matriarchal society where boys are treated like shit." And thus this story was born. Sorry if this offends anyone, but like I said, this isn't a cute light read and it's going to have some heavy and fucked up situations.

On a lighter note, I hope you all enjoy! If this has parts like other stories then I apologize. There really is only so much you can do with Exo having superpowers and[ sometimes](http://s.igmhb.com/click?v=VVM6MTIxNTgxOjg5NjE6c29tZXRpbWVzOmRiMTFiMTExNTAzNWNjN2NkZGIyNzhlMDA0ZjBjM2Q1OnotMjIwMi04NzY4OTA2MDp3d3cuYXNpYW5mYW5maWNzLmNvbTozNTIyNjI6YTAyMjNkMjZiNjcwOGE2MWU2OTkxMjkyMjIxMTQ4MTc6ZGFjMWExY2QwYWIzNDQwZDkwY2EzODMwNjNjZDljMDY6MTpkYXRhX3NzLDcyOHgxMzY2O2RhdGFfcmMsMTtkYXRhX2ZiLG5vOzo0NTE0Mjc0Og&subid=g-87689060-cd28f36262304a07b57565922a59d472-&data_ss=728x1366&data_rc=1&data_fb=no&data_tagname=A&data_ct=small_square&data_clickel=link&data_sid=73049f3e1c353151844150699c128d0e) idea's overlap, but I can assure you that the 3+ arcs of this story are my own and I'm just a girl messing around on her laptop.


	2. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit this was never uploaded?????

I don’t remember much about the night I was forced to run away from home. Hell, I can barely recall what my last meal consisted of, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make right now. What matters right now is the fact that I don’t remember falling asleep that night. That night that I left my little and obscure village. I can't remember falling asleep, and I don’t remember telling my parents goodnight.

But I do clearly remember waking up.

It was hot.

My whole body felt way too hot. I remember sitting up sweaty in bed, trying to gather my senses. Eyes closed and squinted in agitation. No one likes being woken up sweaty and angry. I remember my hand grabbing and tossing soggy covers off my bed to help alleviate some of the body heat that was trapped underneath the thick material.

It didn’t help.

I can recall struggling to open my eyes fully, and when I was finally able to widen them, seeing and feeling wrapped in a warm light. A part of my mind told me that it was just the sun struggling to break through the curtains in my room; however, another (smarter) part of my brain was trying to tell me that something was wrong.

My brain was trying to tell me to panic.

To jump up. To leave, but all I could focus on was how weirdly numb and suffocated I felt.

The sun was too hot. The room was too hot. I was too hot. My limbs were tingling, and every breath that I took hurt more than what I knew was acceptable. Every inhalation was accompanied by a dry burning in my throat and quickly followed by a choking cough. Everything was wrong.

I could feel the water sliding from my eyes, down my cheeks, but I wasn’t crying. Not intentionally at least.

The next thing I remember is the thin brown door to my room flying open. My mom stood there surrounded, if not engulfed, by daunting dark clouds. She was coughing heavily; I started coughing again, and then her lips were moving. She was frantically moving her mouth, but I couldn’t hear her.

I couldn’t hear anything.

A dim ringing was the only sound in my ears, letting me know that the sense still existed, but for whatever reason was currently impaired and not of any use at the moment. I sat in shock at the loss of my hearing while my mom had already begun pulling me up into her arms and carried me out of my asphyxiating room. The world around me got brighter, hotter, and (as the tears in my eyes intensified) blurrier as she carried me through the living room, through the hallway, out of the house. It was getting even harder to breathe and I was still too stunned to process the messages my brain was desperately trying to send to me.

_Get up._

_Move._

_Do something!_

She sat me on the ground a good few meters from the house and then kissed my forehead. Her lips rested against my skin almost somberly, as if it was an apology.

Or maybe it was meant to be a goodbye.

When she looked back in to my eyes I could see traces of sadness, hesitance, and fear. Her hands rested against my cheeks and she rubbed the pads of her thumbs lightly against them. She stared at me, and I stared dumbly back at her.

Her mouth moved as she told me one last thing. Before I could form a thought she was running back in the direction we came, back into the house consumed by flames.

I never figured out what it was that she said to me.

I remember thinking that I was just dreaming. I remember thinking that the fire was probably a figment of my imagination and that I would wake up if I pinched the skin under my arm. I took a bit of skin between my thumb and index finger and squeezed harshly. I closed my eyes from the slight pain and hoped that the fire would disappear when I reopened my eyes.

It didn’t.

It was then that I snapped into reality. All of my senses rushed at me at once and I was overloaded with the different stimuli surrounding me.

 I could smell the smoke, the burning wood, and upholstery. I turned my upper body around and I saw that the rest of the houses in the village were burning to the ground as well. The dim ringing vanishes; I could suddenly hear it all. The crackling. The terrifying sound of fire eating through the homes of my neighbors, friends, and family. And then I could place one other more terrifying noise.

Screaming.

Or maybe it was crying.

I could see people sitting outside their homes letting out strangled cries. Clutching their burnt and tattered clothes in their shaking hands. Limply staring at the bright consuming blaze.

Were they mourning their homes? Or those stuck inside? The shrieks and cries were overwhelming so I put my hands up to my ears and squeezed my eyes shut in a half-assed attempt to block it all out.

I wanted it to stop. I wanted it to all go away. It was too much and I couldn’t process it all.

I tried to mentally escape, I tried to think of something happy. Something nice. An explanation that could make the whole situation feel less horrifying. My dad would know what to say to calm me down.

My eyes opened in panic at the last thought. My parents were still in the house. My mom had run back in to find my dad and they hadn’t come out yet. She was taking too long. They were both taking way too long. My body finally responded to the signals sent by my brain; I finally scrambled up to my feet and made a shaky step towards the house.

_Do you want to die? Go find help! You can’t go in there yourself you idiot._

I stopped in my tracks. I turned around ready to run and find help. Any kind of help. There had to be someone who knew what to do. Someone who could save my parents.

My chest constricted and felt tight, and I was crying now from my own dread rather than from the smoke that was flowing from windows like dirtied water. The deadly streams slowly lifted and swirled around in the dark sky, the light from the full moon barely filtering through.

I only managed to turn partially before I was frozen again in my spot.

There was a guy. I don’t remember what he looked like or what he was wearing, but I will never forget seeing the flames flying from his hand. It’s kind of funny how his presence froze me, but what he was doing to the things around me was the entire opposite.

He looked like he was setting the trees on fire. His arms were stretched out as if they were hoses, his fingers splayed and the flames flooded wildly away from him. He looked entirely unaffected by the blazing heat that he was producing, he was calm almost, as if he was painting my village red and orange.

As the intense blazes flowed from him and wrapped around the trunks of the peaceful trees it sunk in that he was the one who did this to me. The one who did this to us. Why was he doing this?

The angry flames continue to appear from the palm of his hand like some kind of magic trick, and had I not been in a state of debilitating panic…it would have been beautiful almost. And in hindsight, his ability to control his element was undeniably alluring and sophisticated. But what could have been used for a bewitching show, was instead used as a show of power and destruction. That, was inexcusable.

I was standing there staring for so long that he must have felt my eyes gaping at him. He halted in his alchemy and shifted so that he was now facing me. He stared at me for what felt like an eternity but couldn’t have been more than 2 seconds; I was still so entranced by the magic I had witnessed that I was frozen to the ground.

Seeing that I was making no motions to flee, that man smirked. He took a step towards me and I felt myself snap to.

He was going to come after me.

I was going to die.

So I did the only logical thing.

I ran.

I ran the opposite direction of him, right into the heart of my village. My house sat on the western outskirts of the little village and after 10 years of living here, I knew this place like the back of my hand. I knew that there was a river not far from where I was if I just ran straight. I just had to run straight.

And I did. I ran right passed the crumbling houses, right passed the charred bodies, right through the trees and brush that encircled what was once my home. I didn’t look back. Afraid that the man who could throw fire was behind me, I kept on sprinting.

I don’t remember how long I ran or how far. I just know that I didn’t stop until my legs gave up and I collapsed to my knees somewhere in the depths of the dense forest. I knew that I was lost. I knew that I should have reached the river long ago, but I hadn’t. I was in the thick of the forest in the middle of the night with no clue where to go next.

The heaviness of my situation crashed down on me, my body reacted first. A strangled sob found its way out of my mouth and my chest rose and fell at an erratic pace. It was like a thousand little birds had been trapped in my body and had begun to rip me apart from the inside so that they could escape. My heart and lungs wanted to escape. If it would stop the pain, then I wanted them to as well.

I had left them.

I left them all to die.

And now. Even if I wanted to go back, I had no way. I couldn’t trace my path back if someone held a knife to my throat.

I was alone, and it was my own fault. I should have stayed and died with them. I should have grabbed my mom and made her stay with me. I should have run in to the house after her. I should have gone in to save my parents.

The tears slithered in steady and heavy lines from my tear duct, I began screaming out into the sky. I screamed out in hopes that the darkness would swallow my sounds, and maybe I could be swallowed as well. The sounds ripped out of my chest hard and loud. They hurt, but the pain was the only thing I had to remind me that I am here. This is happening. This is _real._

They needed me back there. I only thought of myself and now they were all suffering because I was too small, too young, too scared to do anything. My parents, my friends, my family, my village, all gone.

I didn’t deserve to live.

The chilly autumn air blew passed me taking the last of my energy with it, and I shivered. I had no more voice to use. My throat was dry and my cheeks were still damp from the salty streams left on them. I was defeated.

I thought for a second that I should just stay and die here. I should just stay still, and eventually starvation or a wild animal would come and take my life so that I won’t have to myself. After all I was a coward and I deserved it. I wasn’t worthy of taking my life with my own hands. It had to be another.

But then I thought about my mother rescuing me before running back into the fire herself. She saved me. She wanted me to live, and sitting and moping here instead of continuing to move would do nothing to help anyone.

If she wanted me to live…then I would do it for her. If not for myself, then I would do it for them. The winds whistled around my body as if encouraging me to stand and find my way to safety. A cold embrace, but comforting. It was the only thing I had left. Just the thick burnt clothes on my body, my shoeless feet, and the wind.

I almost got up to start walking after the consolation from the wind, but I was wracked by another wave of mourning. I sat there and silently bawled for at least another hour.

* * *

As expected, I don’t know how long I stumbled about the forest. I never did come in contact with another animal and I did happen to find the river after a while. Without any other animals around, finding food was difficult; however, I ate berries off of bushes and followed along the bank of the river letting its strong torrents serve as my hope to find some kind of town.

Luckily, my prayers were answered soon enough and I finally found a city. The city where I live now. I must have been around dawn that day when I reached the edge of the trees and was met with an asphalt road. I had never seen that kind of ground before and I was slightly afraid that it would hurt me. A dark unmoving river couldn’t be good news right? After taping the ground with my sock covered foot and finding it solid, I followed it into the city.

Young and naïve I walked right into the heart of the society I had been separated from. Right into the capital that controls the chunk of the world that I had never heard of or been a part of. I walked right into the hell that I once thought would be my new paradise.

There weren’t many people moving around when I arrived, which in hindsight was good for me. I had heard about what these kinds of cities were like. Living secluded in a semi technological village, hearing about these bigger and better cities were like our fairy tales, but until that moment, I thought that they were just places of legend. My home was only full of maybe a hundred people, but this place was thousands of times bigger.

I grew up hearing that these kinds of cities were big, bright, and loud, but it was nothing compared to what I was actually met with.

Large metallic and luminescent skyscrapers, their cold enormous walls that glowed with projected images and words. The images and words moved like they were a television screen, and I couldn’t figure out how they were being displayed. There must have been a projector somewhere.

Beautiful faces of people holding things that I had never seen and couldn’t afford were shown on nearly every surface. Large screens were everywhere and they were showing a woman who was more beautiful than anyone I had ever seen. The city felt alive with artificial life, and it was strangely devoid of soul.

I had never been exposed to so much technology in one place and it seemed as though that technology came with the loss of spirit. I was saddened by the lack of vehicles, but I could hear the engines of cars and the hums of the train not far from where I was situated. Twinkling lights illuminated the streets, music flowed from the different machinery, and I felt like I was in a new silver and shiny world. I was in a whole new world that seemed absolutely beautiful.

I hadn’t learned what that shiny beauty was meant to hide.

I had almost forgotten about the traumatic event I had experienced until I saw a woman standing at what looked like an outdoor pumpkin sale. Her jewelry adorned hand caressed the shell of one of the pumpkins and I watched in both awe and horror as her pumpkin grew 3 times bigger than before just from her touch. Seeing her use magic immediately triggered images of the man who could throw fire. The loud, unfamiliar, and shiny world around me transformed back in to the warm and comforting image of small houses, familiar faces, and tranquil nature. Images of my life ran before my eyes, and then they suddenly all went up in flames. I fainted before I could get a hold on my thoughts.

* * *

I woke up on what I assumed was a bed, and for maybe 5 seconds I thought that everything had just been some kind of messed up dream. However, I was quickly pulled from that thought when I realized that my ‘bed’ was more of a dingy cot than anything else. It smelt rancid. A mixture of dried piss, what I hoped was the smell of garbage (which I later found out was actually feces), and something metallic (which I also found out later was blood) invaded my nose.

I dry heaved a couple of times over to the side of the cot just from the disgusting smells. Only not actually throwing up since there wasn’t enough food in my body to release. I felt my eyes burning from the threat of tears and my body was on edge and ready to get up and make another run for the door. I didn’t know where I would go in this robotic city, but I wasn’t going to stay here.

I was almost done planning my escape when I saw it. Food. It wasn’t much, but after being in the woods and not having a sufficient meal for however many days I was out there, this was almost too much.

A bowl of rice, a piece of bread, and a large glass of _clean_ non river water. I ate it greedily and my stomach twisted angrily in pain after being greeted with the sudden influx of nutrients. As soon as it all hit my stomach, I heaved violently. I almost threw it all right back up on the wooden floor under me, but I wasn’t going to let that happen. Perfectly good food wouldn’t be wasted. I swallowed hard in an attempt to keep down the bile and swallowed a few extra times afterwards just to push it and keep it from reappearing on the ground before me.

It was at that moment that I looked around the room. It wasn’t small…but it was awfully cramped. My cot was surrounded by maybe 20-30 other ones. They were all empty at that moment, but I could tell that people obviously slept on them and used them. All of them were uncomfortably close to one another, and there was a gap in the middle of the room giving it a little walking space. The walk space led to a set of stairs that led down, and I didn’t want to know what was below me. I noticed two square windows. One on either side of the room.

After a glance out of the one closest to me I could see that it was daytime. The ceiling of the room made the room feel like a large triangular prism. Where I found myself had to be some kind of attic or something.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the creaking of the stairs. I prepared myself to be met with my worst nightmare.

A man.

 _That_ man.

The one who could throw fire. I was afraid he had been the one to find me on the street and now he was going to kill me. After surviving on my own for as long as I did, I wasn’t going to just let him get rid of me without a struggle.

But I was wrong. I was met with someone who would be almost just as bad as the man who could throw fire. It was a woman.

She smiled at me, but it never reached her dark eyes. It looked professional, the kind of smile that was rehearsed to look warm and supportive. I wasn’t buying it.

She looked like she was around my mom’s age. Mid 30s or 40s, but she was actually around 50 at the time. Her hair was a light brown that reminded me of the pine straws I could find on the ground in the woods. Her hair was straight and barely long enough to brush against her thin shoulders.

She was skinny and tall and she would have seemed nice…had her eyes not been a soulless dark green. They were the kind of dark green that were like the leaves of a tree when the moon is dully lighting the sky. Ominous. Terrifying. I often times thought that if I looked into her soulless irises that my own soul would be sucked into their abyss. I couldn’t look into her eyes for too long, I wasn’t willing to find out if my theory and fear were legitimate.

She approached my cot and knelt down next to me. She glanced at my empty dishes. Her next smile was just as empty as the first.

Her fragile fingers lightly ran over the rim of my empty glass. “I see you’ve eaten what I laid out for you.” She searched my face. I didn’t respond. She continued on, “I run this place. Do you happen to know where you are?” I shook my head as a silent no. She took her hand away from the dish and moved it so that it sat on top of my matted hair. Her hands weren’t cold, no. But they weren’t warm. They felt…fake. Like the hand of one of my old dolls. She patted the crown of my head while her dark eyes looked into mine. “This is an orphanage sweetheart. I run this place.” I kept my lips together and shifted my gaze from hers. It felt like she could read my mind if I looked into her eyes, and I didn’t want her to know how frightened and confused I was in her presence. I left her on her own to deal with my frustrating silence. She tried a few other questions that were meant to level with me, relax me. None worked; I wasn’t going to tell her anything about me. I feared what would happen if she found out too much about me.

Besides, you aren’t supposed to talk to strangers. Especially strangers who take you to their house.

When she asked me my name, I was finally ready to answer her. I could tell her that little fact without giving away too much. I looked in to her soulless eyes and I sat for a second too long without answering so she asked if I _had_ a name. I opened my mouth to tell her “Yes. I do have a name you dumb woman.” But when I wracked my brain for my name, I couldn’t find it. I closed my mouth and squeezed my eyebrows together perplexed while looking away slightly embarrassed.

My name.

What was my name?

I could feel it, but it was stuck on the tip of my tongue and wouldn’t fully show itself. It was hiding behind other memories and thoughts. Playing a game of hide and seek in my mind, and I was _not_ in the mood for this silly game.

There was an A in it right? Or maybe it was an O? An H? Looking back at her, I could sense that she was getting impatient with me, so I stuttered out my final answer. “Y-yes…but I can’t remember what it is.” My voice was hoarse from lack of use, and I more or less croaked out that one statement.

She clicked her tongue and muttered out a quick, “How disappointing.”

I searched through my brain for a name to pop out. Any name. And just when I thought I had it, it would slip back into the recesses of my mind. I couldn’t remember any names. Not my own, not my parents, not anyone that I once knew. Their faces are still there, but the names have vanished. Much like their existence on the planet. My chest tightened in the way I had become all too familiar with, and my eyes began to spill hot and fresh tears. She wrapped her long arms around me in an attempt to soothe me.

She told me to quiet down. She told me that everything would be alright from now on. When she rubbed my back it felt off, I assumed it was just because it wasn’t my mom’s hug, but I welcomed it nonetheless. I needed the affection, even if it was coming from a woman who held the same amount of warmth as a soggy piece of toast.

She told me to call her Momma. She told me that she’d take care of me from that moment on. Feed me. Shelter me. _Love_ me. And admittedly that was all I wanted at 10 years old.

I was ignorant to fall in to her trap and become a character in her little game.

I would pay for that mistake for years to come.


	3. 1. Don't Be a Hero

My eyes open and nothing in my field of vision holds any kind of familiarity.

Fuck.

Where am I?

I try to sit up from the stiff position I’ve been put in on my back, but all of my muscles protest fervently making me give up almost immediately. I sigh heavily and decide to relax so as not to strain myself. There’s no need to overexert myself if I have nowhere to go. The only thing I can do while my body is out of commission is taking in my surroundings while lying on this unfamiliar bed…I suppose.

An average sized room surrounds me.

Clean.

Probably rarely used. The lack of dust on the brown desk that sits on one side of the bed shows that the room is either cleaned regularly, or was cleaned for my arrival. Was my arrival expected?

An average square window is above me. It’s mostly dark outside but there seems to be a bit of light from the sun lingering around. Has it just recently gone down, or will it be coming up in a little while? I can’t tell. I determine that it’s either very late at night or really early in the morning.

The walls of this room appear to be a deep wine-like red. Two- no three doors, all white...or is it cream? An IV bag stands idly next to my bed. Behind its thin structure is a large mahogany dresser with four drawers.

The IV is strapped to my arm and pokes through my skin. Supplying something in to my body. When I passed out I must have been sufficiently injured for them to drug me up and hook me to an IV bag. I can’t gather the energy to look under the covers and scan my injuries, so I instead choose to look up at the bare ceiling.  

Fucking…Tao. This is his fault.

Maybe I should rewind a bit, so that we’re all on the same page. How I got here. How I ended up battered and kidnapped. What Tao’s deceiving ass has to do with this whole ordeal. Let’s go back to a few days ago when my “so-called” best friend managed to get me in to this enormous pile of horse shit.

*3 Days Prior*

I was headed back home from the convenience store closest to the orphanage and my scratchy grey pants and shirt were packed full of different snacks and fruits. I had managed to get apples, bananas, tangerines, jelly snacks, stuffed buns, moon pies and more. I was quite content with that days haul. I had stolen enough snacks for not only myself, but also for the younger boys in the home.

Now, I just want to go ahead and say that I don’t prefer stealing to buying, nor do I condone such behaviors. But sometimes it’s the only way to get around it this hellhole of a city, and I don’t have any money of my own to spend in the first place. I came here not knowing how to find decent food on my own. I came here having no idea how to steal, or even knowing what it was in the first place, but after years of working for that bitch _Momma_ I’ve gotten good at it. It’s not something to brag about, I’m aware, but it’s a fact. It’s been years since I woke up in her home for the underprivileged and I’ve done more awful things than I care to own up to. Most of which falls under the title of felony if I were to go around doing it in the first and second rings.

After a month or so living under Momma I came to learn that this city, also affectionately referred to as the Capital, is separated into 3 factions/rings.

We were in the third and outermost ring of the actual city. We were also the so called poor area. The 3rd ring is enormous and this particular part was the worst. Full of druggies, bums, and criminals (myself included). What I once saw as a shiny and silver world was soon revealed to be quite broken and old.

The ring that we surrounded, also known as the 2nd ring, were the rich. They were richer than most of us at least. That being said, not all of the rich lived in the 2nd ring, some of them found homes in the 3rd ring. It was easier to get around the law in this part of the city anyway. The tall and imposing urban buildings here made a way for those who wanted to be surrounded by others to do so seamlessly and inconspicuously. Those people lived in a different part of the 3rd ring. It was cleaner, they still had better access to safety and medicine. They had the perks of being rich while being in an area that was still monitored poorly enough that they can make more money on illegal activities.

Those that lived in the second ring lived in a cleaner area of the city and they were well-off. Never starving, never homeless, and never upset. That’s how I imagined them at least. The 2nd ring was more of a rich suburb. Large houses, large yards, fresh food, wide streets with perfect sidewalks. Malls and stores that weren’t in shady towers, still outrageously priced enough to give them that sense of superiority.

I wanted to be in that part of the city, but we were separated by a large electric wall that had different checkpoints every mile or so around it’s circumference. Each checkpoint was fairly easy to get past, but the authorities made sure we never crossed over for too long when we didn’t belong there. The silver bands we were made to wear made sure of that. It was for the safety of the 2nd ringers, and to make sure that we 3rd ringers didn’t contaminate the better parts of the city.

Even when I was able to get passed security my clothes were a dead giveaway of where I truly belonged. Of where I was assigned and destined to live. Everything was brighter there. There were a lot of women and all of the clothes were bright and pastel and reminded me of springtime; it was a refreshing change from my 3rd ring beige and grey.

The dull colors were typical of those of us who called the 3rd ring home, and it did a better job than what the others wore of hiding just how dirty we were. I’ve only been to the 2nd ring twice and I was there making another drug run for Momma to one of her more…established buyers. Of those 2 visits I noticed 3 things: 1) all of their clothes were bright and pastel, 2) it was mainly only women in the parts of the 2nd ring I had gone to, and 3) they were nearly all mutts.

A mutt is a slang term for a mutant. Both terms are derogatory and probably the most offensive thing you can call one of the magic users. I’m fully aware that there is a politically correct term for their kind, but they don’t deserve respect. They don’t deserve my respect at least. What have they ever done to help me? They’re all monsters, they deserved to be addressed as such.

The innermost part of the city is where the castle is. As I said before, this city is the capital. The capital of not only this patch of land, but of the world. I don’t know how many cities are in the world, but this is the biggest and most important. My city is where the Queen herself calls home.

A large golden gate protects the castle and some other smaller estates that house the relatives of the Queen. It’s a clear marker of where the 2nd ring ends and the royal property begins. You can always visibly see the outside of the castle, but getting into it is another story. The huge castle sits on top of a hill that overlooks the rest of the Capital and the city circles around it, like some kind of protective barrier.

I glanced up from the dusty street up to see its light blue walls.

I wondered how many people lived in there. It’s enormous, there have to be at least a thousand people in there. They’re all mutts probably. The mutts rule over our world after all.

Would I be able to live there had I not been born as a human? Probably not. I haven’t even met anyone who’s been in there. Their lives must be easy, they’ve got no reason to ever want to leave. I was envious.

I tore my gaze away from its towering walls and continued my walk home. I passed by others who were walking around the area and I didn’t cast them more than a glance. They did the same to me. I could only hope that no one noticed how heavy and lumpy my clothes looked. If I was caught and dragged home _again_ this month I’d be dead for sure. That’d make 3 times, and wasn’t even near the end of July yet.

I passed by one of the shattered television screens that use to hang all around the Capital. One of the last of its kind. There used to be a weekly announcement from the Queen or from one her close advisors that everyone would tune in to hear. We would turn on the TVs in our homes, or head outside to see her on the large screens on the sides of buildings. The announcements weren’t ever important, more just to show us who was in charge around here. They stopped happening about 5 years ago.

When they suddenly stopped, it didn’t make much of a difference, everyone gets most of their announcements and news from their personal tablets and devices anyway. We just didn’t get to see the Queen as often as we had become accustomed to. Most of the screens are gone now, stolen or broken. If I looked close enough I could see the glass from where they had fallen, or even the stain of dirt on a building that outlined where a screen once hung. The advertisements and interactive boards are still fully functional, they light up the night in a way that makes me feel weirdly safe.

I’m never in the dark for long around here. Never left without something to look at. Distracted enough so that my thoughts don’t drift back to places where I don’t need to linger.

For that, I’m thankful that they exist.

I was almost home free when I instinctively paused by a tall building that was mostly an apartment complex, it held a shoe shop on its ground floor. It’s a place that I was once forced to work at. Only negative thoughts come to mind when I see that particular shop and I cringed unconsciously as the memory resurfaced.

_I was cleaning up around the shop I had found temporary work at, and he had been the boss’s assistant. He was average looking at best. Pale skin, black hair, light brown eyes they drooped a bit on the edges. He was always slightly perspiring and he smelt like the latest male cologne._ Cougar Catcher _or something like that. It was strong, and reminded me more of a hospital than something that made me attracted to him. He was maybe 5 years older than me, and he was a mutt. He had the ability to alter his skin in to other materials. Leather, metal, glass, the like._

_I was finishing up with my final sweeping when he asked me if I needed a ride home. He had the newest air scooter that could fit two. I told him no, but I politely thanked him for his offer. When he walked away I thought the discussion was over. I hoped that it was, but my life wasn’t set up to occur as I wanted it to. He came back not even a minute later and asked if I was going straight home after this. I told him yes, but I didn’t understand why that was important to him._

_I was getting uncomfortable with his presence and I wanted to go home, so went to put up the broom in the cleaning room but he continued on. “Hey, let’s go get drinks or something before you go.” He said. I didn’t respond and walked passed him to the door, hoping that my silence would be the only answer he needed. He grabbed my wrist and I turned around. I wasn’t going to deal with his advances tonight, especially if he’s going to grab me like this. This wasn’t the first time he had hit on me, and then gotten upset when I brushed him off._

_“I’m done being nice little girl. You can’t just flaunt around the store like the little slut you are and not expect me to want you.”_

_This was the first time he had said something so aggressive at my rejection of his proposal. I told him to let go. I didn’t know what he was talking about. I just worked here. I wasn’t “flaunting around”. I tried to yank my arm free but his grip tightened. His other hand grabbed my other wrist and he pinned them above my head and backed me into the door of the supply closet. He smashed his chapped lips against my own and forced his tongue down my throat. I bit his tongue hard enough for him to yell out in pain, and hoped he would loosen his grip enough for me to get away._

_He didn’t._

_His eyes blazed angrily and he yanked me in the direction of the checkout counter. The upper half of my body was forced on to the countertop and I immediately knew what was about to happen to me. I fell into panic. I begged him. I begged him not to do this to me. I begged him to let me go. But my pleas fell on deaf ears. He ripped the shorts that I was wearing so that they no longer stayed up, and then the tattered white underwear that acted as my last line of defense were the next to go. He leaned all of his weight on to my back, inhibiting my ability to move or even breathe properly. He spat into his hand and rubbed it against my entrance before briskly forcing himself into me._

_I screamed. I cried out. He covered my mouth with the same spit covered hand that had touched my most private area and continued on. Each movement that he made forced another scream out of my mouth. I could smell myself on his palm, that and his saliva. My cries were muffled and my tears fell hotly down my cheeks. I was hurting. I was embarrassed. I felt dirty and inhuman._

_Once he finished he pulled out and I collapsed on the floor. He left without another word, and I was left sitting in a growing puddle of my own blood and his cum._

_I was 14 at the time._

The flashback ends and I forced back the tears that were threatening to fall. The embarrassment and sadness that reappeared were almost overwhelming and I focused my mind on something else to distract me. I focused on remembering what happened afterwards hoping to change the direction of my feelings. I’d rather be mad than sad.

_I limped back to the orphanage. I didn’t bother to clean up the puddle I left, nor myself. I wore my torn pants and held them together weakly with my hand. I went back hoping that I’d be welcomed into Momma’s arms. I wanted her to tell me that she’d go and find him and make him pay for doing this to me. But she doesn’t._

_When I found her she was mad alright. But she was mad at me. When she saw me, I saw something in her face shift and then suddenly I lost all of my ability to move my body. I was forced to stand straight, letting go of my pants, and they fell to the ground with a soft thud._

_She was using her powers on me._

_I knew that she had been one of_ them _before this moment. And I knew that she was going to hurt me. This wouldn’t be the first time that she had begun to physically hurt me, but it was the first time she had used her ability to control blood as a method of hurting me. Before she would just hit me, maybe freeze me in my place, and then hug me in her arms and turn the situation on me making me assume that I had deserved it. Now, I was terrified. And I knew with my whole being that I_ didn’t _deserve this._

_While keeping my body stagnant, she forced the blood in my brain to drain out, and then immediately rush back up in to it. I lost my ability to think after the wave of crippling dizziness hit me and the headache began to form. The small shift of my blood was nothing to her, but my body was almost shutting down from the simple action. My vision was hazy, my head was pounding, and my heart was beating chaotically while trying to keep up with the blood shift. I didn’t know how to deal with the unfamiliar sensation or situation. I couldn’t. With me dazed she took to opportunity to grab one of her canes off the beige wall, and with a large swing she proceeded to slam it in to my ribcage._

_I cried out in pain. She called me a dumb bitch. A smack to the ribs followed. A slut. A smack to my thigh. A whore. A smack to my shoulder. Worthless. My stomach and back were hit after the final insult._

_She hit me a few more times after that, and once she was done she ultimately allowed my body to flop to the ground. I immediately curled into a ball and let out the loudest sobs my body would release._

_It hurt to breathe._

_She told me that I deserved it and that I was to go back and apologize for teasing him first thing tomorrow. As if it was_ my fault _for his actions. She walked away, I was left whimpering half naked on my floor, and no one came to help me._

_I didn’t blame them. The one who acts like a hero is always the next to be hit, and we all got enough of that on a normal day. They looked at me with eyes full of pity and I cracked. My tears turned angry and that was the moment I realized it._

_She doesn’t care._

_She doesn’t care about any of us. It’s kill or get killed around here, and we were her minions. She would say that she loved us, that we would understand one day. But she was full of shit. She just needed us to do her dirty work while she kept the benefits. She had us out running her “errands” and almost dying every day because of it. I hadn’t missed the fact that sometimes boys would go missing. They were dead. Or they got sold off. She never did anything about it. She never made any effort to save any of us_

_I hated this._

_I hated_ her _._

_But part of me still felt that I deserved this. Maybe I was (am) a masochist, but I keep letting her do this to us. I let her use me to pedal her drugs, I let myself steal her drugs. I let her rent me out to random men so that they could have their way with me. I stole for her and for the kids who were stuck in this hell here with me. When I got caught, I’d let her hit me. And then I’d let her hug me and tell me that she was doing this for my own good._

The fright I had as I passed the place where I was first raped was turned into anger as I continued home to the place I hated (and still hate) most in this world.

Momma’s Home for the Underprivileged.

The medium sized house sat between two large apartment buildings. Both of which were nearly abandoned, home to addicts and the depressed. We were surrounded by people who were just as hopeless and a nuisance to society as us. The only difference was that we were all human, and they were mutants.

Once I returned I was greeted by a small crowd of young boys who all hug me as I enter. The younger ones have taken to me as if I’m some kind of older sister. And in a way, I like to pretend that I am. Maybe I can make up for my mistakes by keeping them from doing the same. None of them have been here long, and with the way people have come and gone, I don’t think that they’ll be here much longer. It breaks my heart to know that they will leave soon with nothing but the knowledge learned here to guide them in life. Each to places that will offer nothing but pain and agony.

I handed out treats and snacks and told them to run off and stay out of trouble. It’s the least that I can do for them.

There are about 20 of us right now. I’m probably the oldest. And I’m the only girl. I’ve been the only girl for about 8 years. Most would be uncomfortable with it, but seeing as these boys are basically my family, are young enough to not care, and I’ve lived through worse, being the only female is an irrelevant detail in this life.

As I head up to our shared room I’m stopped by Mark, an 11 year old and one of the older boys. He tells me that Momma has gone to the 2nd ring and won’t be back for another 2 days. A negotiation with a mutt man apparently. When I thank him he smiles and disappears behind me going off to do whatever it is that the kids his age do.

I often worry about the boys here. There are few of us, and most of them aren’t here for long. We’re helpless in this town; we’re only humans after all. Humans who are more or less “owned” by a mutant. Their kind out number us and with their abilities to control matter they prove to be a threat. Those…mutts are the reason all of us are here. They killed most of our families and they kidnapped the others to bring us all here. They treat us like shit and we are helpless to try fight back. What can we do when they can kill us without even throwing a punch?

They are the enemy.

It’s us against them. Us against the world.

And I won’t let them hurt us if I can help it.


	4. 2. Honey I'm Home

*2 Days Prior*

The day after that was just another average day in the 3rd ring. I was wandering around after having come back from another drop off. Coke of some sort for the bum who lives outside of the hair salon. He always manages to buy the largest amount of drugs but never manages to leave his spot outside of the salon or change his clothes. I don’t know where he’s getting the money.

It might have been around noon and since that vile woman was still going to be gone for another day I decided to give myself the rest of the day off to relax. Also since she was gone, it meant that we were on our own for food until she got back. Luckily we had some frozen meats and a few...decent enough to eat vegetables lying around, so I could make some kind of dinner with what we had. If she had left some money we could have just ordered delivery, but of course, we don’t get that luxury.

As expected almost none of the kids were inside when I returned nor was there food money, and I could only hope they were hanging out with their friends and not getting in to trouble. It was early in the day, but I figured if I made the food now they could warm it up later as they all came home. I set out the meat to thaw, and turned on the stove under a pot of water and chicken broth. I went to work slicing up some carrots for what I decided would be chicken soup.

Taking care of all of these younger boys wasn't my responsibility. In fact, Momma actually hated it when I took it upon myself to help one of the boys, but that doesn't mean I was going to leave them to fucking starve and get killed while she sat on her ass.

Lost in my irritated thoughts I accidently cut in to my thumb with the blunt knife. I hurriedly pull the bleeding extremity away from the food and rinse it off in the sink. It bled way worse than it actually felt, but I could almost definitely see a bit of bone. Little rivers of red washed down the drain.

After wrapping a paper towel around it I went to work searching for some kind of bandage. I knew that we had them more or less lying around all over to place due to the amount of injuries that occurred around here. As soon as I found the cabinet that held the box of plain bandages, the door to the kitchen swung open, banging into the wall rather loudly; I was greeted by none other than my best friend.

"Honey, I'm home!" He called out with a wide catlike grin. His arms were spread open as if gesturing for me to run in to them for a hug. I looked at him briefly and scoffed before returning to taking down my Band-Aid box.

"Tao why are you here right now?" I asked him monotonously. I was happy to see him, but his sudden presence could have led to trouble had I not been here alone. This wasn’t the first time he'd just busted in like he lives here, which he doesn't, and the last time he snuck in through the front door instead of the upstairs window he nearly got caught.

"Wow, nice to see you too." He muttered while situating himself on the counter next to the food. "And for your information, Joshua told me that she wasn't here, so I decided to pay my second favorite person a visit." He surveyed the kitchen in silence while I sit the box down next to the sink.

"And who exactly is your favorite person?" I asked, humoring him since I already knew his answer.

"Um, me of course." He said as if it’s obvious. As expected. King Tao is the self-declared best thing to happen to the 3rd ring.

"Shocker..." I whispered to myself as I turned my back to him so that I could use the sink again. I heard him jump off the counter, he landed on his feet, and then closed the distance between us to look over my shoulder. His torso and pelvis making contact with my behind and back.

“Yah! What did I tell you about coming to find me when you get hurt?” he said while lightly grabbing my wrist and examining the wound.

“I’m fine. It’s just a small cut. Stop worrying over nothing.” I ran the water again and let him guide it to the faucet. The spaces where our bodies touched were warm, and I didn’t mind the fact that he was closer than a “friend” should technically be. When I sucked in a breath at the slight sting from the water on flesh, Tao had the audacity to chuckle.

“Sounds like it hurts.” He quipped.

“Fuck off Tao.”

"Okay, _June_."

"I don’t know why you're saying my name like that as if you weren't the one who gave it to me."

"Yeah but you're the lame ass who accepted it." He retorted. He had a point. I hesitated as I tried to think of a witty response, but I was stumped. He let go of my wrist and I took out a Band-Aid and peeled off the adhesive papers on the back. He stepped back slightly.

"You're right. You win _this_ time." I conceded. I could feel him smiling at my response even without looking up from wrapping my finger.

It's true that Tao gave me a name. My current name. It was back when we first met and I almost slit his throat thinking he was going to attack me. Now, the encounter itself wasn't all that exciting. It was around 4 years prior and I was on the way back from stealing snacks and fruit like I'd been doing for a while when he ran into me in an alley way. Neither of us had been paying attention to our surroundings if I’m honest, but I was scared and I pinned him up against the building with my knife against his throat. I wasn't going to be attacked by some mutant in broad daylight if I could help it. It didn’t help that he’s a fucking tree and his dark eye bags make him look like some kind of assassin.

He didn’t struggle, he just held his hands up against the wall innocently and apologized for bumping in to me. He wasn't watching where he was going he said. He told his name was Tao and I relaxed because I could tell he wasn’t a mutt. He was human.

He asked me my name and when I told him I didn’t have one he asked me what month it was instead. It was a dumbass question and in hindsight I should have known where he was headed with that. It was June at the time and that is what he decided to call me. It was a lame way to choose my name, but he was the first to want to call me by an actual name so I took it on as my own; somehow I haven't been able to get rid of him since.

I'd run in to him everywhere after that. Somehow in this huge faction he’d manage to find and run in to me almost every day. I assumed it was intentional, he swore it wasn’t at first but I’m convinced that it always was.

As we became friendlier if he didn’t see me on any given day he'd sneak into the orphanage. It drove me crazy at first and I kind of wished that I had cut him in that alley, but the genuine attention was a breath of fresh air. And as much as I hate to admit it, I became really fond of the boy I almost stabbed quickly.

Tao became my home in a way. He was the place I liked to retreat to when the world was too much, and I was his. Tao was a lot of my firsts as well, which probably didn’t help the dependence I had formed on him. He was my first crush at the tender age of 15, my first consensual kiss not even a year later, my first love, and he was the first person I had sex with that I _actually_ wanted to have sex with, we were 16.

Our relationship had a complicated background, but being around each other was always simple. We enjoyed each other’s company, and we always had each other’s backs. Even with our romantic past, we carried on as best friends. I think we both still harbored some rather non innocent feelings for one another (well at least I did), but we decided to put our friendship first and stuck with being in a kind of platonic relationship.

He was still a little shit, and he was still clingy as hell, but I welcomed it. He was probably the only person able to see passed the bitchy front I tended to put up for the world, and it was nice to let it down every now and then. It also helped that he gave up the chance to hurt me when could have easy kicked my little ass in the alley that first day. Tao knows how to fight, and according to him my little knife really wasn’t that intimidating for an experienced fighter like himself.

"Hey..." He started, pulling me out of my drifting thoughts. A small smile had settled on my face at the memories and I shook my head to clear them. I ignored him and returned to cutting up the now thawed chicken on the counter for the soup. "June. Hey. I want to tell you something." Tao talking, and me ignoring him has become a routine. He, more times than not, has something stupid to say and he just wants me to react or give him some kind of attention. And unless I plan on teasing him, I will usually give him the attention he wants. "Okay I know you're listening, but it’s rude not to look at someone when they're talking to you. You know that right?" He said.

I put the cut up chicken and carrots in the boiling pot and turn the heat down a bit. Finally I gave him the eye contact that he's wanted. Even though he's a shit, I can never stay mad at him for long. He’s my shit after all.

"What is it now my precious little child?" I cooed mockingly.

"Can we go upstairs and talk? I kind of want to lie down." He admitted, ignoring my tone. I looked at the pot one more time before turning back to him and holding out my hand. He grabs it in his warm one and I guided him upstairs. Once we reached my cot he fell back, the cot letting out a grating squeak, and spread his long limbs out across my little bed. I found myself on the ground next to him with my legs crossed under me.

"Okay, did you actually have anything you wanted to say, or were you just trying to get my attention?" He turned his head to look at me and then let out a sigh.

"You know me too well." He said before letting out a yawn. "I just missed you."

"You saw me literally not even 48 hours ago."

"I know but it was more than 24 hours and so it feels like it's been a week. No one will shower me in affection like you do."

"...But I don't?"

"Your snarky comments come off as anger and annoyance to the untrained ear, but I know it's just your way of hiding how much you love me. And so I take it as your affection." He said while leaning over the bed and jabbing his finger in to my side. I let out a sound of dissatisfaction and squirmed away from his long limbs and digits. "Can I stay here tonight?" He asked after a moment.

I thought about it and cringed at how many bodies are usually in the room. It was always unusually warm even for July with all of our collective bodies. Adding Tao would have been just too much. "Mm I'm not sure about that. You know how many of us stay in here, and you're like the size of 3 kids. I'm not even sure if the boys will be okay with you here and-"

"Come on! Please! I won't take up space. I'll be sleeping in your bed and I just want to be held. We can cuddle. It's so cold at night and it’s been so long." He whined. He leaned over and grabbed on to the sleeve of my shirt while widening his eyes and letting a pout grace his features. God I hated it when he does that. It’s like kryptonite for even the stoniest of hearts.

"What are you? Five years old? Why are you so dramatic..." I faded off while swatting his hands off of my shirt before he stretched it out more than it already was.

"So I'll take that as a yes." He said with a sneaky smile. His eyes shone happily. I cross my arms and look at his now hopeful face.

"...Fine. You can stay tonight. But you need to be gone first thing tomorrow morning okay?" I told him with a finger pointing at his face. He let out a whoop and clapped his large hands.

"That's perfect. I have to go back home tomorrow anyway." He said. "Thank you! I love you, you know that right?"

"Yeah yeah I know. And I love you too. I need to go finish cooking dinner though. Do you want to join me, or are you going to lie here until I'm done?" I asked while standing up. He yawned again and said he'll take a nap while I finish up. I fluffed his black hair and he resituated himself on my cot. While he got comfy I headed back downstairs to finish the task that he interrupted.

After putting in the noodles, I let it cook longer, and soon enough the soup was done. The boys who returned home early were nearly ecstatic at the smell of food. They quickly fixed themselves a bowl and I put the rest in the fridge for later. The rest would know where to look when they got back. I sat in the lounge area of the house and took it upon myself to turn on the old television that we have. A show with subtitles was on and I watched it blindly, not interested enough to actually read what they are saying. A solid 5 episodes passed before the sun finally set.

When it got dark outside I looked out of the window and saw the street lights turning on even though the advertisement boards are bright enough on their own. I headed back upstairs and was met with Tao talking to 6 year old Joshua. Joshua was sitting in Tao's lap on my bed and Tao was reading him one of the e-books that we’d saved on the house tablet. When the two of them saw me, Joshua leapt out of Tao's lap and ran over to me. He took my hand in his own and pulled me over to sit across from them on my squeaky mattress. Joshua sat back in Tao’s lap and proceeded to read out the sentences that he knew to me; Tao filled in where he got stuck. It was terribly cute and I smiled wider than I'd like to admit, but I couldn’t help it. The scene was just too much and I wished that I owned a camera so that I could take a picture of them.

It was both sweet and saddening to see the scene in front of me. Now at 19 years old, I’d begun to think about what my future will hold. What it could have held. If I was a mutant, would I be in school? Would I have a boyfriend? If we hadn’t met in these circumstances in another life, would Tao and I be together? Would we have parents that would lend us money for dates? Would we sneak around late at night to meet up without out our parent’s consent like they do in the shows on TV? Would one of had confessed to the other shyly? Would we have gone to school dances together? Gone to a movie theater, gone to get ice cream, gone to a park and just have enjoyed each other’s company? In a few years would we be married and have kids of our own? Chubby kids who are well fed and happy?

Would **we** be happy?

Tao looked up from the tablet and called out my name softly. I looked away from Joshua’s soft reading, and my dreamy thoughts vanished when I realized that none of that is possible. Tao seemed to sense my change in expression and told Joshua to go find another good book on the tablet downstairs. We both knew that he’d be distracted for at least 15 minutes finding something to his liking if he left the room.

"June..." He started.

"Tao..." I mimicked. Looking at him I could tell that he actually had something serious to say, and I was already afraid of what was about to come out of his mouth.

"I- uh...look..."

"Spit it out. I don't have all day." I told him lightly. The thoughts that I had lingered around in my mind and I didn’t like to see Tao as distressed as he looked. In another life, would this have been when he would have told me that he was in love with me?

He frowned and his eyebrows creased together as he tried to gather his words. He looked down at his hands and then took in a large breath. When he looked back into my eyes he looked more serious than I ever thought he was capable of being. Now, I was terrified of what he wanted to say. He waited for half a second before he finally spilled what he'd been struggling to get out.

"What if I told you I could get you out of here?" I froze at his words and searched his eyes for a sign that he was joking. We used to joke around about running off together and escaping in to the woods where no one could find us, but that was back when we were still young and dumb. Coming up with fantasies to escape to when our reality became too much. We had long abandoned those juvenile thoughts, well we were supposed to. And yes, I had just imagined life outside of the 3rd ring or at least outside of this shitty part of town, but the fact of the matter was that the thoughts were just that. Thoughts. We were both stuck here. There isn’t a way _out_.

"...What?" I asked after a while. We both stared at one another for about a minute and then he broke both eye contact and the silence.

“I…know a guy. I’ve been living at his house for years now and he said that he could get you out of here. And before you freak out you should know I trust him. Listen to me. Okay, June, listen to me. You could come with me and get away from this place and live with us. He- He wants to fix all of this and you can help and-” I closed my eyes and shook my head.

“Get out.” I interrupted. He stopped talking and I opened my eyes at the silence. “Stop talking. And leave.” I stood up and backed away from him. The room quieted, and I knew the other boys in the room had stopped what they were doing to stare at the two of us. I didn’t care.

He’s a scout. I told myself. He’d been a scout this whole time. He was just befriending me so that he could help in selling me off to someone.

“June…”

“LEAVE.” I shouted. I grabbed my shoulders and felt my body starting to shut down. I started to tremble. In anger or fear I wasn’t sure. But I didn’t trust him. I wouldn’t trust him right now. He stood up as well and took a step towards me, I put my hands out to protect myself from him. As if it’d do much.

“He’s really my friend. I’m serious I’m not trying to trick you or anything please don’t do this. Don’t-”

“Get. The fuck. Out. I don’t want to see you right now you fucking traitor.” My chest heaved up and down and the tears started to fall. He stood there without moving or making a sound and a distressed sob slipped from my mouth.

“I…I won’t pressure you about it tonight, but tomorrow I’ll come back to talk to you about it and see if you’ve changed your mind. I’ll leave now, but I’m not trying to trick you, I promise. I care about you so much and he- I just want to help. I uh, I know my way out.” He left after staring at me for another second and walked down the stairs.

My hands found their way to my hair and I grabbed the strands in order to try and ground myself back in to reality. He wouldn’t lie to me right? We’ve been friends for years. Why would he say something like this right now? I didn’t understand. I lied down on my cot and quietly cried myself to sleep. Completely blocking out the rest of the world around me.


	5. 3. Out With the Old

*One Day Prior*

The next day, I didn’t go out to look for Tao. As a matter of fact it’s safe to say that I decided to actively avoid him. I left the orphanage at dawn knowing that Tao would try to find me and sway me (while I was disoriented by sleep) first thing in the morning. I was never good at making decisions right after waking up.

I sprinted out of the home in the clothes I had been wearing for 3 days straight now, and headed straight to the nearest train stop. The trains took passengers for free to any destination within the capital as long as you were allowed to be there.  Knowing I wouldn’t be leaving the 3rd ring, I took the train to the district farthest from my own.

The trains are extremely fast and I reached my destination in about 10 minutes. A good 200 mile ride gone by easily. The Capital is an enormous place. I haven’t explored the entirety of the 3rd ring just because it was _too_ big, and I had no need to. I was extremely familiar with district 48 of the third ring since it was where I lived. That one district is all that I needed to know.

What better time was there to look around the city than when I’m avoiding my friend, right?

District 3 wasn’t as worn out as 48. There were more cars, and a lot less trash. It was no 2nd ring, but it was definitely a nice change of pace here in the 3rd.

I walked around and in and out of the numerous and expensive buildings for hours just trying to busy myself with some kind of task so that time would pass by faster. I must have gone in and out of at least 30 buildings before I decided that I needed to return. The sun was setting, and I needed to get back to the 48th district before it was too late at night.

I wasted a good chunk of time bumming around, and was cast only a few wary glances by the wealthier citizens. Their crisp and clean black clothes looked sufficiently less ragged than my own brown dress.

I was again obviously out of place, and they knew it.

Kids flew by on hover boards, adults looked down at their tablets or talked to their bronze metallic bracelets. Presumably engaged in a call through the communicator that came with the shiny accessory.

Their sense of urgency was almost contagious and I felt myself feeling as though I had tasks that I should be attending to. I even glanced down to my wrist thinking that I had a notification on my own bronze wrist communicator. The bare skin that greeted me reminded me that I don’t own one of those identical bracelets, and that I was just imagining the feeling of metal vibrating against my wrist. I rubbed my unadorned wrist anxiously and continued back to the station. I needed to catch the bullet train home, I didn’t belong with all of these busy people.

* * *

I ambled back home in the twilight and the only thing I could think about was Tao. I missed him and it fucking pissed me off. He could be trying to sell me off to a fucking owner, and I should be wary but I still wanted him to be here with me. I trust him...I trust him more than I trust myself.

He wouldn’t do something like that to me right?  

I scoffed aloud and kicked at the ground in agitation. My head hurt from thinking too hard about all of this. I decided that maybe if I go lie down for the next 3 days my thoughts would be cleared...or at the very least less scrambled.

When I got back to the home, it was empty. I didn’t see any of the boys around and honestly, I should have taken that as a warning sign. There was almost always someone home, and for all of them to just _coincidently_ be gone so late at night wasn’t a good sign. Even knowing that something was off, I was too preoccupied by my own thoughts to think too much into the case of the missing boys. The door to the kitchen opened ahead of me, right as I closed the front door behind me.

It was Momma.

She was talking in a serious voice to someone behind her. Her furrowed brows and quick words showed that she was deep in conversation with the other person, but she stopped when she finally noticed me standing at the front door. She immediately switched from her concentrated face to that unsettling empty smile and walked towards me, a man following closely behind her.

He was large. Tall and wide. Like a small building…or maybe a big dog… or a small bear. His hair was bleached blond and his eyes were dark brown, almost black. His eyebrows were bushy and unruly. He looked as if he smelt like cabbage and beet stew. Just looking at him I could tell that he was a mutt like Momma. I could almost see the waves of power flowing off him.

Knowing subconsciously that he wasn’t human, a scowl found its way on to my face. He smiled a sickly smile in return. His teeth were eerily straight, and I wanted to punch him in the jaw to make them crooked.

Momma called me over and I snapped out of my stare down with the new man. She tilted her head towards him in an attempt to silently beckon me over. I blinked slowly before taking hesitant steps towards the pair, she reached out and gripped me by the arm.

“This is the one I was telling you about. She’s still young and takes orders very well. Well trained and she isn’t horrible to look at.” She started. The man’s eyes roamed my body and I felt the familiar feeling of embarrassment and shame flowing through me. She turned me to my side so that he could look at me from another angle and she continued on, “As you can see she has reached maturity and is in great shape to be of use to you and your brothers…oh and lest I forget, she’s the only human girl left in the area for miles.” She finished. His eyes brightened at her final statement. It was then that I realized what she was trying to do.

She was selling me. Not renting me out, but permanently giving me away.

She was putting me up for sell like some kind of fucking rare car.

I watched in terror as they negotiated a price.

“600 credits.”

“800.”

“700.”

“775. Take it or leave it.”

“Fine. 775 credits.” He said while pulling out his plastic card used to make the transaction. Everyone had one of these T-Cards, they made buying and selling easier than they had ever been before. They hold their cards to one another and the transaction is made once her card glows a bright blue.

775 credits.

The same price as a month’s stay in a really nice hotel. My life…worth a month in a nice hotel. While my panic seeped in, his dry hand wrapped around my other wrist and Momma let me go. He pulled me towards the door. A second of me limply following passed before I remember that I could fight.

I scratched at his arm and threw myself on the ground so that he had to drag me. I pulled so hard that I was sure I was going to dislocate my own hand, and if that would get me away then so be it. I didn’t like that hand that much anyway.

I thrashed around on the ground and he growled and tightened his hold on me. I cried. I screamed. I called out to Momma hoping that she’d take me back. I told her to take me back. I told her I would be good. I promised to do whatever she wanted, just don’t sell me off to this guy.

When she turned around her eyes locked with my own and like many times before I lost control of my body. The man let me go and I sat on my knees immobile, tears still streaming steadily down my face. She walked over to me with her fists clenched, I started to choke. The first clump of blood sputtered out of my mouth and on to the floor in front of me. Thick and dark red liquid splattered against the light wood of the ground like a painting.

My head felt like it was getting lighter, and my lungs heavier. While my upper body wobbled from the dizziness, I continued attempting to cough out the blood filling my lungs. Each time it was lessened, more would pool in to replace that which ended up on the ground.

She forced me on my feet. Everything faded in and out as my brain suffered from blood loss and the lack of oxygen. Her hand gripped my face making our noses line up. Her frown deepened as her nails dug farther into the skin of my cheeks.

“I don’t need you anymore, sweetheart. You’re taking up space here, and this is the highest bid I can get on your worthless ass. I’m not going to let this chunk of money get away just because you still don’t seem to understand how it all works around here.” I could only focus on parts of her statement, but the message was clear. All of my assumptions were confirmed. Right when I felt myself starting to black out, all of the fluids rushed back to their respective locations. I fell to my knees and coughed out the last of the blood and gasped for air.

The man took the opportunity to throw me over his shoulder while I was trying to gather my wits, and walked us out the door. I could only stare at his back exhausted as I was carried away from my _home_. The funny part is that I wasn’t even all that sad that I was being taken away. I hated it there, and I knew this day would come along sooner or later. It just happened to happen so suddenly.

He walked for about 2 minutes towards a parking lot before I was able to get back enough energy to start fighting again. I reached down the back of my shirt and ripped off the leather pouch that was tied around my torso and held my small blunt dagger. I knew he could feel me shifting around, but he underestimated just how much energy I was able to summon. Unsheathing the blade and letting the pouch fall to the ground behind us, I took in a deep breath before twisting and slamming the knife in to the back of his neck. I missed the nerve that I was trying to hit, but it was enough for him to fall in pain and drop me on the ground as well. Thank god I started keeping that knife there.

I attempted to fall and land on both feet, but I fucked up somewhere along the way and ended up flat on my ass. When I finally scrambled up off the ground I could tell that the impact had sprained my ankle, putting any weight on it hurt like a bitch. I let my adrenaline keep me going as I tried to limp away as fast as I could, but he was more resilient than I’d hoped. The back of my shirt was grabbed and I was yanked back on to the ground. With the impact, all of the breath was knocked out of me, and tears stung my eyes. I tried to catch my breath while staring up at the sky on my back.

He was hovering over me in seconds. He was beyond pissed, and the blood from where I had cut him was running down his neck. Drops fell on my clothes as they continued to stain his own. He pinned my arms above my head to keep me from stabbing him again. Unfortunately, I dropped my blade about a foot away from where I was lying anyway. He cursed at me and I struggled against his hold. His legs were on either side of my own as he leaned his body over my own. Blood was starting to drip on my face.

When he let out a low growl and put his face closer to my own, I head-butted him with as much force as I could muster. My forehead rammed against his face and his hands flew to his now broken nose. With him disoriented I could reach for my little knife that was near my knees. With a final swing I was able to hit him where I originally intended. Right in the neck, cutting off his central nervous system and preventing his brain and body from communicating any longer. He fell limp on top of me. I was able to let out a sigh of relief.

I had killed him. But it was not nearly enough blood on my hands to make me consider it a misdeed. It was my life or his.

I chose my own.

I was able to slide out from under his heavy frame. I even attempted to crawl off to somewhere. Anywhere, as long as I wasn’t here when his body was found. I didn’t give two shits about what happened to him, but he was still a mutant, and when he was found dead someone might come to look for me. If he was from the second ring, then I definitely needed to get out of here.

_Now._

The edges of my vision were getting dark and fuzzy from the loss of energy and blood. I tried to get on to my feet, but it was an impossible task. I was left with crawling like an infant to some place where I could find sanctuary. My vision waned in and out and I knew I wasn’t going to get far in the condition that I was in. I wanted to nap. If I took a nap then maybe I would wake up and be well enough to escape. The last thing I can recall is someone shouting my name before I closed my eyes and blacked out.

*Now*

So here I am. Fully awake. Injured, emotionally scarred, and fairly pissed. I know that it was Tao who called out to me. He’s the only person who knows my name, er- well the name he gave me. I can’t remember how I ended up here, and I don’t know what “here” is. I blink at the ceiling a few times before deciding to run through what I do know.

My name is June.

I am 19 years old.

I am a human.

I’m not in the orphanage any longer, but I may still be in danger.

I’m hurt.

I have no idea where Tao is, but once I get my hands on him I’m going to kill him myself.


	6. 4. A Little Betrayal is Healthy for Any Friendship

After falling asleep and waking back up still in this god forsaken room, I know that I’m probably going to be stuck here until I can heal fully. Who knows how long that will be…

I can smell what seems like…pasta or something and my stomach growls loudly and angrily. How long have I been out for it to sound so aggressive? Looking over at the IV and the dresser I can see a ceramic white bowl and glass of water. Sitting up, I bite my lip to keep from moaning in pain at the aching and stinging that goes through my body. I have to push away the discomfort in order to sit up against the headboard of the bed to see what’s on the dresser. My mind and body are both groggy and starving. Have I been medicated while I was out?

Looking into the bowl I can see what looks like ravioli and my mouth immediately starts to salivate.

_What if it’s poisoned, you jackass?_

Well…that would be an issue for me to deal with later. I take the glass of water in my weak hands and drink it quickly before moving on to the ravioli and eating it greedily. It’s cold, but so so good.

Thanks to the nutrients my muscles feel slightly less like hell and I feel a tiny bit more awake. I set the empty dishes back on top of the dresser and toss the covers off of me. A slight moan of pain follows at the sudden movement.

Jesus Christ.

I’m barely wearing any clothes. There is a thick gauze that is wrapped around my torso like a makeshift bra making me feel like a burrito, and the tattered underwear that I showed up in is still (thankfully) on my lower half. There are smaller bandages on the smaller cuts I acquired during the fight the other day, and the skin on my body is littered with dark purple bruises. My foot is a different story. It’s completely wrapped up in a cast of sorts and I can see the tips of my toes. When I try to wiggle them I’m pleasantly surprised to see them move. Its hurts, yes. But this just means that it isn’t broken.

I have the urge to pee, but there are three doors and at least one of the leads to a world and to people I’m not ready to face. I don’t want to leave the room yet. I’m not sure what I’ll have to face once I leave the confines of this little safe haven. I snatch the IV out of my arm and hiss quietly.

Once the pain subsides, a yawn forces it way out of me, and I twist my body so that my feet dangle over the side of the bed. Okay, three doors. One has to be a bathroom right?

I hobble over to the door farthest from my bed (with much difficulty), and turn the handle. Behind door number 1 is a closet. There are only 2 outfits in here. A pair of black sweats, a gray t-shirt, gray shorts, and a dark blue long sleeved shirt. After looking down at my half naked body I decide that maybe I should put on some clothes. Who cares who they belong to? I throw the blue shirt over my body and groan with each stretch that my muscles have to make. I get it on without dying, and then grab the grey sweats for later. I let out a sigh and limp over to the next door. Luckily it is actually a bathroom.

I sit on the toilet to relieve myself and attempt to put the sweats on at the same time while I’m sitting down. The bathroom is smaller than the one I was used to using back home, but it was significantly cleaner. One would expect that of a restroom that isn’t being used by like 30 people.

The walls are cream colored and a walk-in shower stands next to the toilet. Its glass walls show that there is no tub of any sort, and if I want to bathe, I’m out of luck. A small sink sits across from the toilet with an oval mirror above it. The mirror is in a pretty golden frame, it’s definitely fake, but this particular fake would definitely fool any other amateur thief.

There are maroon towels on a silver rack above the toilet and I find myself nodding in approval. It’s a nice little bathroom.

When I finish wiping, flushing, and then washing my hands I finally take a look in the mirror. I don’t think that I’ve seen myself in a mirror in like a year. Of course I’ve seen my blurry reflection in glass and windows, but I’ve haven’t taken a good look at myself in a while. My face is clean of blood but the healed scars from previous encounters are still present. They’ve faded, but they stand out against my face. I pucker my lips and tilt my head to the side. My hair is a mess. Really, if they were going to clean me up they could have at least taken a brush and done _something_ to the mess of strands that I dare call hair.

With a final sigh I turn off the light and struggle to situate myself back into the bed. I don’t exactly know how to reattach the IV so I lie down without it and let sleep and the left over medication over take me instead.

* * *

 

I wake up feeling way better than I did before I went to bed. I sit up, not sure of how long I was asleep, and nothing hurts. Surprising.

I lift up my shirt and the bandages are still on my body, but the bruises that decorated my skin have vanished. I swing my legs over the bed and again, nothing aches. When my feet touch the ground they both feel perfectly fine, and I realize that my cast is gone. I look around the room warily and notice that the IV is gone and my dishes from yesterday with it. This must be some kind of dream or hallucination. There is no way that I could be better all of a sudden.

I walk to the bathroom still with no signs of discomfort and turn on the lights. When I look in the mirror my eyes widen in horror.

All of my scars are gone.

No trace of a single skin discoloration adorns my face and I feel like I’ve lost some part of me. I’ve lost my scars, and all of their stories and reminders.

When I raise a hand to touch my face, it sinks in that they’re gone. A quick look under my sleeves show that there is no trace that I’ve ever had any sort of injury.

“What the fuck is going on...” I whisper to my reflection as I poke at my flesh. My skin is back to the way it was when I was a child…but my hair is still a hot mess. Decided to tackle the nest myself, I take my fingers and roughly rake them through the strands so that I can twist it in to a makeshift braid.

Now to deal with the real issues at hand. Where the fuck am I? What the fuck happened to my injuries? Where the fuck is Tao? I turn off the light in the bathroom and walk around the small room pensively.

I can’t stay in this room forever. Would it be better for them to come to me, or for me to go to them? I have no weapons, but Tao has taught me some self-defense over the years. I won’t be any match for _him_ if we have to fight, but I could probably escape while fighting someone else. I take tentative steps to the final door. It’s the last door in the room, and it could either lead to my death or my salvation. I close my eyes and inhale.

Here goes nothing. Or everything. Whatever.

I turn the handle and ease the door open. It squeaks slightly and I cringe hoping that no one heard it. Peeking out the door I see one door across from my own. To the left are two more doors and to the right a set of stairs. As I expected.

Looking out of my own window I could already tell that I was in the upper half of a house, so now I definitely know there is another floor waiting for me.

I slide out of the room and close the door softly behind me. I stand in silence and can hear light talking and clattering down the stairs. I clench my fists and try to sneak down them. I press myself against the wall and I can see that there is a large wooden door down the hallway across from this staircase. If I make a run for it I can probably make it out of here. The carpeted stair creaks under me and the voices quiet. I squeeze my eyes together and let out a quiet curse. Looks like the Gods aren’t on my side.

“You can come out you know.” An unfamiliar voice calls out. I let out the breath I was holding and decide to face my maker head on. There’s no use in pretending I’m not here any longer.

I walk down the final stairs and to the left is a large opening that leads to a kitchen. The kitchen overlooks a large living room, a TV set up on its wall surrounded by comfy looking couches. At the kitchen island are two people. One is a tall man who looks very _very_ intimidating. His hair is black and short. Shaved along the sides. He’s really handsome, but he looks guarded and frosty. He observes me while the other jumps out of his seat to pull me in a hug.

“Tao.” I deadpan. He tenses at my tone and pulls away sheepishly. I glance at the other male for a second more before turning my full attention on my _friend_.

“June look I just-”

“Shut it.” I say stonily. He closes his mouth and waits for me to continue on. “How long was I out?”

“About 4 days.”

“Why do I feel better already? I know for a fact that I had a sprained ankle and that doesn’t just heal overnight.” I press on. I can feel the other male’s gaze on my face, but I continue to question Tao.

“Um, Yixing came and healed you.” He says quietly.

“Yixing? Is Yixing a mu-” he covers my mouth with a hand before the slur can fall from my lips. We’re both very aware that calling the mutants “mutts” is an extremely derogatory term. He flicks his eyes over to the other guy in the room and I look at him again before it clicks. That guy is a mutant too. My eyes widen in horror. He brought me to a house of mutts. My eyes snap back to Tao and he shakes his head slightly as if to tell me not to freak out. I narrow my eyes but close my mouth. He moves his hand away and he relaxes slightly.

“June…this is Kris. This is Kris’s house.” He says motioning to the man. _Kris_ stands up and I can see just how tall he is. I try to keep my expression neutral as he holds out his hand for a hand shake. When I make no move to meet his hand he closes it and coughs awkwardly.

“Follow me.” Kris says. So he was the one who spoke to me when I was hiding on the stairs. Usually such a statement would be a command, but this Kris guy says it as a suggestion. I feel as though he wouldn’t care if I listened or didn’t. Kris walks in to the living room I noticed earlier and sits on a couch perpendicular to the television, I sit in a chair parallel to him, and Tao sits on the couch between the two of us that faces the TV. The room is silent and I can almost touch the heavy tension in the air. Tao is the one to break the silence.

“So…” he starts. I send a glare in his direction and he swallows before looking away. Yeah, you’re in trouble you little shit.

“Why am I here?” I decide to ask.

“You were really hurt, and I didn’t want you to die out on the street! You were like really really hurt and I was already headed back to your place when I saw you passed out on the street so I brought you-”

“Tao I swear on my life, if you don’t shut your mouth. I wasn’t talking to you.” I say through clenched teeth. I can hear him whimper and I look at the Kris guy in the eyes. “Why am I _here_?” I ask again hoping that he gets the point. He stays quiet and continues to just observe me with his cold and guarded eyes. I can’t sense anything from his gaze. “What do you want from me? Why are you helping _me_?”

“Okay, I won’t sugarcoat things. You seem like a smart girl. And you look like you know what you want.” Kris starts. He glances at Tao who is looking down at the floor before looking back at me. “He’s right that I want to help you both. Tao has been staying here with me for years now, and as you can see he’s perfectly fine. I haven’t brought you here to hurt you, and Tao didn’t bring you here to betray you. I’m running a…cult of sorts. I, along with a handful of other individuals, are trying to overthrow the current royals. We don’t like how they are handling things, and we want a change. People are dying, your people are being hunted and killed, and my people are being enslaved and abused.”

“What does any of that have to do with me?” I ask snappily. This isn’t my problem. Who gives a shit what’s happening to his _kind_? They deserve it. They deserve to be treated just as shitty as they treated me.

“Well, we want you to join us. Right now it just me, a few other Charmers, and Tao. We need a girl- a _human_ girl to go in to the castle. They need someone higher up on the inside to help them, and if you go in as the Queen’s human it’d be a huge step in the right direction.” He says while gauging my reaction.

Go in as her human he says? Memories flash before my eyes. Falling in to Momma’s ring and letting her push me around to do her bidding like some kind of work mule.

_“…takes orders very well.”_

_“Very well trained…”_

I blindly let her treat me as she wanted and she sold me out in the end. I’m not just someone’s toy. I am **not** a pet. I don’t **belong** to anyone.

“Look here _Kris_ ,” I let his name leave my mouth with as much venom as possible before continuing on, “I don’t know who the fuck you think you are. And I don’t know who you think **I** am, but I don’t belong to anyone. You can’t just ‘plant’ me in the castle like a fucking chess piece and expect me to just let her treat me like some kind of a play thing.” I won’t do it. I won’t let someone beat me and make me feel like shit any longer.

His face gives away nothing when he says, “You won’t be hurt under the Queen. That is the last thing she would do to you. You would be more like her daughter than anything else.”

“No. I’m not going to do it. That last person to treat me like a daughter sold me off to people like I was a cheap whore.” Which I guess I was, but I won’t own up to how little I was rented out for. “I’d rather be back out on the streets on my own than in there with those royal _mutts_.” I spit out, letting the slur fall between us. He flinches slightly as if my choice of words physically hurt him. Good. I hope they hurt.

“Fine.” He says. He blinks slowly and leans back in to the cushion of the couch. “Fine, go ahead and leave. Go back to back to the suffering the abuse, go back to selling and doing the drugs, go back to being scum.” He says icily. How did he know about the drugs? I didn’t say anything about selling…and especially not about doing them. I haven’t even used in over 2 years.

It clicks quickly and angry tears fill my eyes when I look over at Tao. My glare is full of betrayal and he doesn’t look up from the ground. He’s snitched. He’s given Kris reports on me. The first tear falls and I quickly wipe it away. I stand up quickly and Tao looks up at the sudden movement. “Fuck you.” I say. To whom it was directed at? I’m not sure myself. It was directed mainly at Kris, but I hope it reaches Tao and that he feels just as hurt as he’s hurt me.

I stomp angrily out of the room, but I don’t go out the front door.

No, I go right back up the stairs and back to the maroon room.


	7. 5. Stop Saying the M Word, Dammit

I realize my mistake as soon as I shut the door behind me. Why did I come upstairs? I press my back against the door and thump my head lightly against it.

“You’re really an idiot…” I tell myself aloud. I look around the fairly empty room and realize that I can just take that last outfit from out of the closet and I’ll get going. I might have made an utter ass of myself by coming back upstairs instead of walking out the front door, but I’ll just steal these clothes and I’ll be gone for real. Poof. I’ll vanish. Never to be seen again.

Problem solved.

I push myself off the door and walk towards the closet. The anger that I had had before, has worn off just a bit, but because of my pride I refuse to walk out of here without making a fuss. I stomp around and murmur angrily under my breath. “Fucking Tao. Tricking me here. Thought he was my friend. Bitch ass trying to sell me out too. What kind of looney bin is this place? Some kind of cult this is. Suburban ass house. Go in to the castle? Who does he take me for? A lost princess or something…” my mumbling continues on as I rummage around the room for more stuff to take before escaping.

 Maybe I’m stalling.              

The door to the room creaks open and I freeze. My hand stops right as I find myself reaching in to the dresser drawer. I wait anxiously for the intruder to say something.

“I never told you much about my own life before we met, right? Well, there was a reason that I didn’t…I didn’t want you to pity me, or to treat me like a charity case. I was chased out of my home after my mom died. We lived in a part of the area far outside of the city. There were humans and their kind. When she died, they were going to sell me off to some woman across the world, and my dad tried to kill me to spare me from being sold in to slavery like the other motherless human boys in our community.” The voice belongs to Tao and he is somber. Serious and more emotional than I’ve ever heard him. And I’ve heard him get emotional before. He is suddenly divulging in his life story, why now?

“I ran away and wandered around the capital city… I was alone, starving, and depressed. I didn’t know where I was and I didn’t have anyone who cared about me anymore. I felt useless. I was on the brink of killing myself, I had fully embraced the idea of my own death, but then Kris found me…” his voice cracks and I feel my own heart crack with it. He really hasn’t told me about his life. Whenever I asked, he managed to change the conversation. He would worry more about my safety than his own since he said that he was happy and safe where he was. Hearing him open up so suddenly has shocked me, and I don’t know how to respond.

“He took care of me,” he goes on “and before I knew it I was living here with him and my other new brothers.” He sniffles. “I really didn’t bring you here with any bad intentions. I’ve wanted to bring it up to you before, b-but I knew that you’d react negatively. Kris he-he told me it was fine to let you live here nearly 2 years ago, but I was afraid to bring it up. I was scared you’d close me out and run away like you’re doing right now, and I’m selfish and I don’t want you to go. Please, June don’t go.” Tears have started to gather and drip from my eyes and I cover my mouth with the hand not in the drawer to keep from letting out any involuntary sounds. “I care for you more than myself and I might die if you go away and I don’t know that you’re alright. You’re the most important person to me, and I know I don’t tell you that enough, but you are. It’s so selfish, and I don’t care, but I can’t live without you.

“I know you don’t trust Kris…and I know you hate me right now…but please don’t leave yet. You don’t even have to forgive me…but don’t run away until you’re feeling better. I don’t want you to go at all, but I…understand if you still want to. I’m sorry for everything, June, I really am. But if you do still trust me, you should know you can trust Kris. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt you…” he says. He sniffles again and I find my heart breaking at how _hurt_ he sounds by my attempt to leave and how much he seems to adore the man downstairs. “I’ll go…but if you do decide to leave, I want you know that you’ve always been my best friend and I only did what I thought was best for you…I uh- I love you June. Really. I don’t want you to just vanish, you mean the world to me, you know. If you want to go, I’ll understand…just don’t go without saying goodbye…” He lets his words settle before he walks out of the room and closes the door behind him softly.

I sit on my butt and pull at the strands of hair on my head. I hate him. I really do. He’s so inconsiderate, and selfish, and narcissistic, and God I want to punch him in the face sometimes. But he’s never done anything that would put me in harm’s way.

Not once has he done anything other than care for me. He might act like a self-important child, but he has always put my wants and needs before his own and I can’t pretend that he hasn’t. I want so badly to ignore what he said and to disappear. I need to run away. I don’t think I could stay here in the house of a mutt and pretend to be okay with it. I want to leave. I stand up and slam the lamp from on the table to the ground, it shatters into various sized pieces of glass. I fall back next to the shard as the angry tears won’t slow down.

I’m so mad.

But it isn’t directed towards Tao…or even Kris. It’s at myself. I tuck my head in between my legs and let the sobs wrack my body. I know I look pitiful sitting here and crying like a wuss…but I’m not packing up to leave any longer.

* * *

After being a little bitch on the floor for a while I sit myself on the edge of the bed and stare down at the carpeted floor underneath my feet. How stupid…can I be…to think about going to be a _voluntary_ slave to the Queen? Okay…admittedly they said I wouldn’t be a slave, but how would they know? I don’t exactly see them jumping up to go in my place. Why can’t they find some other poor chick and throw her in there with those mut- people…

There is a soft knock on my door and I don’t have the energy to respond. I keep my gaze focused on staring at the material of the carpet below me. I really don’t want to talk to Tao right now, and if he could take the hint that would save me a lot of energy. The door opens and the bed dips from the added weight. He sits in silence and I hope he knows that I’m still pissed. He’s been going around telling all my secrets without my consent after all.

Really, the drug thing was something that he helped me get over and he tattled. What are we 7 years old? It’s when the person clears their throat that I realize it isn’t Tao. I stand up in fear and back away from the new person and stare at them with my eyebrows furrowed. It’s a boy…or maybe a girl with short hair. I can’t tell, but I’m leaning towards a pretty boy. His skin looks flawless, and he carries himself in a way that makes me assume he is constantly moving. His hair is a dark brown and it’s messily falling across his forehead. His eyes are large and doe like.

The person stands up as well and cautiously puts their hands out. I get defensive before I can think twice about it and before they have the chance to attack me first. I run forward and grip their hand and twist it behind their back. I shove their face and chest to the bed while twisting and locking their arm to their shoulder blade.

“Who are you!?” I call out. They groan out loud and I can now tell it’s definitely a boy. A very…pretty looking fellow.

“You’re hurting me. I didn’t come in here to hurt you dammit!” he says. I cringe and retreat in shame. I situate myself against the wall furthest from him just in case he tries anything funny. He moans out in pain and rubs his shoulder.

“Wh-What do you want?” I ask hesitantly. I feel slightly bad for hurting the guy when he obviously doesn’t handle pain well…but he could be acting dramatic. He forces a smile on his face and continues to rub his shoulder.

“I’m the guy who is going to make you presentable to the Queen.” He informs.

“Who said that I’d do it?” I ask immediately. He sighs and looks at me with a blank gaze, abandoning his previous arm rubbing.

“No one said that you’d actually do it. But we can train and prepare you for now; you get to make the final decision of whether or not you go through with it in the end. Deal?” I watch his face for signs that I shouldn’t trust him. He claps his hands together, “I’ll take your silence as a yes. Shower up for now. We’re going to have dinner in a bit, put on these new clothes before you come back down.” He instructs.

“What new clothes-” the neat stack of clothes floats in to the room and lands on the bed. So he’s one of them too…him and Kris. He smiles briefly before walking out of the door to leave me alone again. “Fine…I’ll wear your stupid clothes…and eat your stupid food. But I still don’t like you guys.” I mutter while stripping off my previous outfit. I take a shower and relish in the feel of hot water against my hair and skin. Hot water is a novelty in the poorer part of the 3rd ring, and from what I can tell this doesn’t seem to be it any more. The soap provided to me smells like mint and I love it. I won’t tell those assholes that though. I think I used to shower once or twice a week if that back home. If I get to shower here every day maybe this place won’t be so bad. When I turn the water off, I tie up my hair and dry my skin. “Go give ‘em hell.” I tell my reflection in the mirror before giving myself one last determined look.

The new outfit contains a pair of underwear, some khaki shorts and a light green shirt. I’ve never worn such bright clothes before, and I feel weirdly exposed once the light colors are actually on my body. I shake off the insecurity and walk to the door after tossing my used clothes in a corner of the room.

When I walk out of my room I’m met with Tao waiting against the wall across from my door. He straightens up and uncrosses his arms when I walk out of the door. His eyes are apologetic and he looks ravaged with guilt. A part of me is glad that he feels shitty for putting me in this situation. He opens his mouth to, what I can only assume, apologize again. I hold up a hand to silence him.

“Forget about it. I’m over it already.” I try to halfheartedly assure him. He looks unconvinced. “Really. You were right. You’ve never done anything to hurt me before, and if you trust these mutt-” he glares at me and I roll my eyes. “, these _people_ then I guess I’ll give them a chance as well. You and I both know I can’t stay angry at you for long…and all you did was save me from that hell house and from being…sold off.” I admit. The fact that I was almost sold off sends a pang of pain through my heart. I sigh in defeat before looking at him with unguarded eyes. “I don’t like these guys, but…you’re my best friend and no one has tried to hurt me so far, so I’ll stay. I won’t leave you.” I tell him truthfully. He smiles a half smile and his posture relaxes. He pulls me in for a soft hug and leans his head on top of my own.

“Thank you.” He whispers. I wrap my arms around him and hug him back. “I love you, so so very much. I’m so sorry.” He utters quietly. I can’t help but feel that this ‘I love you’ is different from the ones we usually light-heartedly throw around, so I squeeze him comfortingly and close my eyes before telling him just as seriously, “I love you too.”

We stand like this, safe in each other’s embrace for a few moments more, until he breaks away first. He looks at ease now and changes our position so that my hand is now encased in his larger one; he guides me down the stairs back to face the asshats who await us at the table.

Turns out that we are the last to join the table, unsurprisingly, and I count 3 people excluding Tao and me. Kris sits at the head of the dining table, the pretty one who came in to my room sits beside him. Another…younger boy sits next to the pretty one. His hair dark and his skin is sun kissed. He seems intensely focused on his plate. Once Tao and I have found our seats across from the nameless pair Kris tells us all to help ourselves. There is some kind of fried meat that I’m unfamiliar with, a bowl of mixed vegetables, and a basket of bread rolls in the center of the table. The food gets passed around silently as everyone fixes their plates.

The silence is suffocating me if I’m entirely honest. They want to go and throw my world upside down and then awkwardly sit in silence afterwards? I don’t think so.

“So, who’s this guy?” I ask while motioning to the tan boy with my finger. The boy doesn’t look up from picking at his plate; Kris’s voice is the one that answers me.

“This is Jongin. He’s one of our spies in the castle.” I watch this Jongin guy as Kris finishes his thought. “Sometimes one of the boys will come and visit if they can get out of the castle for long enough. Jongin is able to visit most frequently.”

“Is he a mutt too?” I’m answered with a kick to the side of my leg by Tao. Jongin flinches and when I look at Tao he gives me a warning look. Okay, I might have said it angrier than it needed to be said…and I didn’t need to call him a mutt. Luhan and Kris look away and avoid my eyes. Well it’s awkward again, and the tanned boy’s feelings are hurt. Jongin says nothing of it though, but his posture gives away that he is frightened.

“He can teleport… it’s uh really cool.” Tao chimes in trying to lighten up the mood. He leans over to me and whispers, “Stop saying that word. We both know how offensive it is. You said that you’d give them a chance. For me remember?” I scowl at his words and look down at my full plate of food. Jongin’s silence and the others’ reactions unsettle me. Now I feel bad for yelling at him, but I’m not gonna apologize. They’re still mu- …not human after all. The pretty one takes it upon himself to speak up now.

“Jongin would be the one who gets messages to Kris and would occasionally bring you back for debriefing if you decide to go in.” I don’t respond. “Um, well how about you introduce yourself to all of us?” he offers.

“Didn’t Tao already tell you everything?” I snap back. I can’t help how malicious my words keep coming out. Being around this many of _them_ makes me upset and the fact that Tao still snitched on me doesn’t help. My tone is uncontrollable.

Kris’s voice is calm as he answers, “He told us very little. Besides we want to hear about you from you.” I look at Tao and his eyes hold nothing but honesty as he nods quickly. Looking at Jongin I see he still hasn’t looked up from his plate. Kris and the pretty one are looking at me, but they look afraid of me almost. I exhale and hope to expel some of the growing tension in the room with it. I don’t like their kind, but I hate seeing people afraid of me even more than that. Jongin’s posture, alongside Kris and the other’s eyes, show that they are obviously fearful of me for whatever reason. I don’t get it, I should be afraid of them. I look down to my plate so that I don’t have to look at them when I answer.

“I’m June…I’m 19. I uh, live in the 3rd ring. I...use to live in a human village, but I left. And uh I’ve been living in an orphanage since then.” I tell them. It was the gist of my life, and they didn’t need to know the details. I said I’d try to trust them, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen now. The thick air eases only slightly, but it’s significantly less hostile. I can only blame myself for the previous hostile air.

I look up from my food to the pretty boy and try to figure out what his actual name is. He never actually told me, but after snapping those last few times I can’t gather the courage to speak up again. Dinner goes by slowly and silently and I can feel them all glancing at me occasionally like I’m some kind of wild dog with a temper. I don’t have any kind of an appetite after having basically ruined the mood. I take a quick bite of each thing on my plate and excuse myself from the table.

* * *

A few weeks pass like this. I join them for meals just to show Tao that I’m alive, and I sit there silently while they all slowly begin to chat in my presence. Usually it’s just us three, but sometimes Jongin will show up or one or two other people will join our table. I never bother to learn their names or their faces, but they don’t make much of an attempt either. When I’m not eating at the table, I’m in my room. Usually staring up at the ceiling and thinking about my own decisions and life.

Why did everyone seem so afraid of me? I was a bit bitchy yes, but they were the ones with fucking magical powers. Maybe it’s my disposition. Perhaps my body is like a giant stop sign…or a warning sign and they think that I’ll slit their throats in their sleep.

I wouldn’t do that…

Or would I?

_You almost did it to Tao and he’s human. Who to say he didn’t tell them that, and now they’re afraid you’ll actually kill them._

That is true…

I can almost 100% guarantee that my eyes still show how much I hate them, and I mean at this point I don’t hate the ones who live here…but their kind still sucks major ass. I only talk to Tao and he has desperately been trying to assure me that they’re all nice guys. I don’t have any evidence otherwise, and really deep down I believe him; however, that doesn’t mean that I’m not still afraid they’ll turn on us at any given moment.

I’ve overheard Tao trying to convince them of the same.

“She’s actually really nice.” He said one night when I’d headed up to my room. They didn’t know, but I only went up a few stairs and stopped so that I could listen in and hear them. “She is still just afraid of you guys.”

“Afraid of us?” I could identify the pretty one’s voice. “She’s the scary one.” He said with a scoff.

“No she isn’t. You guys just don’t understand. She’s been through a lot and the Charmers and Gaia have been the main reason that she’s suffered.” Tao tried to explain.

“I don’t see how that’s likely.”

“It’s understandable.” Kris interjected. “She seems more to herself these days than defensive, like before. I don’t know what went on in the 3rd ring, but maybe if we just give her some more time and space she’ll come around.”

The topic of conversations changed and I took that as my cue to leave. Finding myself back in my bed staring again at the ceiling.

At least they’re trying.

* * *

“You know, I think that tomorrow we should just get take out. I really want something from the sushi place near the flower shop.”

“I’ll think about it, maybe if I go in that area I’ll pick it up on the way back.”

“You promise?”

“Yes yes yes. If I’m in the area I’ll pick it up. You both seem pretty adamant on eating out. You don’t like my cooking or something? This is an art form boys. I’m an artist.”

“Yeah okay whatever Kris, and I’m a famous singer.”

“No, it’s good and all. Sometimes it’s nice to you know treat yourself. And that involves you going out and buying us sushi.”

“If you want the sushi so bad they you give me the money for it Tao.”

“Aww come on Kris don’t do this to me-”

“I’m going to excuse myself. Thank you for the meal Kris.” I say standing up from the table. Three heads turn to face me and I bow before quickly escaping from the table like I do at every meal. I trudge to my bed with a pout and flop back on the mattress.

Hello darkness my old friend.

They’re all so close. The joking and laughing is comforting in a way that I’d forgotten existed and they’re all so relaxed around one another. They obviously genuinely enjoy one another’s company; they were just putting up with me. They tolerated me. I’m envious of their relationship, and I shouldn’t be. So I find myself pissed at my own thoughts. No matter how hard I try to channel my anger towards them it ricochets back to me.

I’m the one who is unresponsive. I was the one that made them uncomfortable, and I can’t blame it on the fact that I’m human because Tao fits in like he was born here. Even though they were all still slightly uncomfortable at my presence I still…feel at ease around them. I feel content being surrounded by them and I almost feel protected here. I don’t know whether this is a good or bad thing. Bad because I’m comfortable around their kind and they could still be trying to sabotage me…good because it feels nice to finally feel comfortable somewhere again. To feel at ease.

Grabbing the object closest to me, which happens to be my pillow, I shove it against my face and lightly suffocate myself. I let out a grunt and then sigh against the soft material.

_I feel at ease here_. I let the thought sink in. I don’t feel threated around them, and they’re honestly trying to give me time to warm up to them. Who am I to keep hating them as if they had personally inflicted some kind of pain on me? They fed me, clothed me, sheltered me, and they were only asking for one thing in return. One thing that I don’t even have to go through with if I don’t want to.

Maybe it wouldn’t…hurt to open up to these guys. Tao trusted them, and I trust Tao. They’re obviously more afraid of me than I am of them, and that in itself scares me. Why are they so afraid of me? No one looks me in the eyes for too long (except Tao) and even when Kris and his little sidekick do they always hold a hint of apprehension behind their shielded eyes. I move the pillow away from my face and stare at the ceiling for a bit longer before allowing my body to relax and fall in to a dreamless sleep.


	8. 6. Changing Persepectives

I wake to the unpleasant feeling of the sun shining through my window straight onto my face. It’s as if it decided that perhaps if it fried me to a crisp I would leave the soul sucking attitude behind. Maybe it could fry it away; I wanted it to. The intensity of the rays of the sun, mixed with the cool air in the room was too much to sleep through. As much as I wanted to continue lying here, I knew that I had to get up.

Slowly opening my eyes, the first thing that I see is that there is another, very attractive, figure sitting on the ground right beside my bed just…looking at me.

My eyes widen.

His eyes widen, and we both stare in shock for a solid 10 seconds before we simultaneously jump up. I nearly topple off the bed trying scoot to the opposite end of the mattress and he jumps to his feet and presses himself against the closest wall, immediately casting his eyes down.

“Jongin…” I croak out in my horrid morning voice. I sound as if I’m not sure that it is him, and I’m not. Am I still dreaming? Why would I be dreaming about the boy I haven’t said more than 3 words to? Is this actually Jongin? I rub furiously at my eyes hoping that I can clear away my early morning sight and mental haze through physical means.

I see him opening his mouth to (probably) explain himself, but I decide to voice my own plaguing thoughts before he can find the words. “I’m sorry.” He closes his mouth and looks up briefly in confusion before looking back down. I sigh and scratch my head as I search for a genuine way to phrase what I want to say. “I was out of line. The other week when I called you a mu-” I catch my mistake and quickly change my phrasing, “when I called you the M word. I shouldn’t have called you that, and I shouldn’t have addressed you so disrespectfully.”

 He nods showing that he’s hear me, but he makes no move to leave or look up at me. I crawl off my bed and pad over to the boy, stopping a foot or so away from him. “Am I really that scary to you?” I ask quietly. He stays immobile. His silence says more than words ever could. I find myself swallowing down my own nervousness and ducking so that I can look at his face and force him to make eye contact with me. He continues to avoid and I place a hand softly on his cheek. His eyes stop wandering and finally look at my face; I smile weakly. He has a beautiful face, and his eyes are adorable.

I guide his face so that he can stand straight with his head forward, and so that I don’t have to be awkwardly ducked under him. I don’t miss how he seems to be holding his breath, and has been since I put my hand on his face.

“Jongin…look, you don’t have to be afraid of me. I am not going to hurt you okay?” I say softly. His eyes flicker across my face and when they land on my eyes I can see just how vulnerable and small he seems. Someone as tall and handsome as him shouldn’t have to be this afraid of someone as small and average as me. All of my prejudice disappears for a moment as I observe the male in front of me. Is this fear because of me?

I want to comfort him, but the only way I can think of is to hug him. That’s how Momm- _she_ would comfort us, and that’s how Tao would comfort me. So I find myself wrapping my arms around the boy in front of me. He tenses almost immediately, so I squeeze him lightly and press my cheek against his shoulder.

_Please don’t be afraid of me anymore._ I think in my head.

He doesn’t hug me back, but he does relax in my arms and he lets go of the breath he had been holding in. I only hope that I hadn’t accidently spoken my thoughts out loud. I can hear his heartbeat slowing and I exhale as I relax as well. Okay. This is progress.

The door to my room slams open and Kris’s right hand man and sidekick walks in animatedly, “Hey, it’s time for breakfast we’re having…Jongin?” His sentence changes to one of confusion, and Jongin and I break apart. 5 feet of space separate us and we both look down in embarrassment. The situation wasn’t compromising, and I don’t know why I feel as though I’ve committed some sin by doing what I did. Yet, I still feel as though I just got caught doing something wrong.

I look over to Jongin guiltily, and when pretty boy glances between the two of us as if trying to piece together a puzzle, Jongin nearly sprints out of the room vanishing in the process. I open my mouth to try to explain but he only holds a hand up with a smile that looks slightly angry and _very_ forced. He only turns around and I run and grab on to the sleeve of his shirt to stop him. When he turns back to face me his gaze is blank.

His usually bright and flighty frame seems different, and even though he is only a few inches taller than me, I feel extremely small next to him in this moment. I forget what I want to say and blink a few times while just looking at him. He arches an eyebrow expectantly.

I clear my throat and let go of his shirt. “Is he like that because I yelled at him?” I murmur out. He analyzes my face before he shakes his head no. His lips press in to a thin line but I ask on, “Is it because he lives in the castle?” He nods hesitantly and I look out the door where the boy disappeared.

“Breakfast is ready.” He says softly before finally walking away. As he returns to the kitchen, I stay in my room with furrowed brows. Maybe it’s time that I talk to Kris to find out about…everything. A mix of sadness and anger (at who I can’t figure out) rushes through me at how scared Jongin is to look directly at me when I’m awake. He’s fine around the others, and yeah I had snapped at him but that was one time and he couldn’t/shouldn’t be this terrified just because of me. I push the fact that he was more or less watching me sleep to the back of my mind.

I’ll deal with that later.

* * *

 

Breakfast is lively as usual, and I stay reserved as I listen to them bicker and joke around. “Where is Jongin?” I ask while looking at the empty seat where he usually sits. I catch Luhan glance at me before he returns his attention to fixing his coffee.

“He left to go to the castle. How’d you know he was here? He was only here for a moment.” Kris inquires.

“I just ran in to him before coming down …” I say dismissively. I fork a bit of scrambled egg in to my mouth and chew slowly. How do I even begin to ask him to explain? I don’t want to seem like I’m considering going to the castle, because I’m not even sure if I want to stay _here_ much less go to another place full of strangers. I glance at the 3 of them as they chat enthusiastically.

Okay, it’s now or never.

I swallow my food and summon all of my courage so that I can push passed my pride. “So what even happens in the castle anyway…” I mutter half hoping that no one could hear me. When the talking stops I know that I wasn’t that lucky. I look up from my plate to see 2 shocked gazes gaping at me, and Tao looking at anything but me.

“Tao go upstairs for a minute.” Kris says forcefully. Tao quickly stands up and leaves without any opposition. Very out of character, and yet I feel as though around Kris he is usually this obedient.

Kris and the pretty guy have a silent conversation with their eyes, and they both stay seated as they turn back to face me. I look back at them cautiously and my heart pounds as I prepare for the worst. “What do you know about our society?” Kris starts.

“Nothing. I was born around humans, and after leaving the only thing I’ve learned is that there are humans and people who aren’t who can use magic. The mutt- sorry, I mean your people treat humans like shit. That’s all I know.” I tell him honestly.

“Do you know how or why things got this way? How things were before?” he prods. I open my mouth ready to tell him ‘what part of _I don’t know anything_ don’t you fucking understand you absolute fucking mango?’ but I close my mouth and opt to just shake my head ‘no’ instead. His face hardens and his mouth turns in to a line as he prepares to dictate the history that I never learned.

“Okay…well where do I start?” Kris thinks aloud. He sits back in his chair, crosses his arms and looks thoughtfully at the ceiling.

“Probably at the beginning, you know where most stories start.” The other male says sassily. I smile for a fraction of a second at his statement before forcing a neutral expression. It was funny, but now isn’t the time for me to suddenly seem friendly. Kris glares at the other before turning his attention back to me.

“Hundreds of years ago the world was run by humans. Mainly human men for that matter. They didn’t know how to take care of the things and people around them. They weren’t able to put aside their own ideas and pride for the sake of the whole and ended up pushing the earth to a point where it was no longer healthy. So the world began to reject them; it began to reject all life.

“They damaged the planet beyond repair and sent it into a kind of reset mode. With all of the radiation caused by the humans, the genes of some of the women began to change. It turned on some kind of gene that was before dormant in your kind, and when they had daughters their daughters inherited the gene. I don’t know why it was passed down maternally, but only girls were experiencing this change at first. They found themselves able to manipulate the elements and their surroundings. These were the first Gaia…or I guess the first female _mutants_ as you so frankly call them.” I flush at his statement.

“The Gaia were hunted, discriminated against, and feared by the human men. They tried to kill them off because they couldn’t understand how people were suddenly able to use magic. They thought they had disproved that theory years before, and that along with the rapid deterioration of the planet caused them to become even more afraid. The human women however, they protected the Gaia while their male counterparts tried to eradicate them. The women put their lives on the line to prevent the Gaia from having to experience a history and past that human women had experienced centuries before.

“The first Charmer came along when the first born Gaia mated with a human man and had a son. This son was able to manipulate the elements like his mother, but not quite as strongly. Other things happened over the next years, but they aren’t that important.” He waves his hand around and then skips forward in his story. “After a century or so The Cleansing happened and almost all of humanity was wiped out. The Gaia and Charmers were hardly affected.” Sensing my confusion Kris shakes his head. “We’ll talk about The Cleansing another day.

“Afterwards the Gaia took over. They used what few human men they could find left as sex slaves for a while, to procreate and repopulate the Earth, until there were enough Charmers to compensate for their needs. Human men were then demoted to the lowest slave status while Charmers took on servant status and took on the brunt of Gaia sexual favor.

“Human women became rare since the human men were taken in as slaves and were unable to raise families with your women. So your people went in to hiding. They formed societies separated from the Gaia so that they could live in solitude away from the new social order. Human women became more valued by the Gaia as their numbers dwindled due to their help before The Cleansing. Many people, human men, Charmer, and Gaia included, didn’t like how high up human women were on the social ladder since there were so few of you.” Scenes of my own life flash before my eyes as I connect his words to my experiences. I had only met one other human girl while at the orphanage and I just assumed it was because not many were on the streets; I had female friends before the fire. The girl at the orphanage vanished a year after I arrived. I was a toy to many of the people I dealt with when I was out on a run. The boys at the orphanage experienced more or less the same treatment, but it was obvious that people took more satisfaction in buying from me, abusing me, or forcing themselves on me.

I never assumed that it was because I was a girl.

“Because of where you came from, people in the 3rd ring were able to manipulate and abuse your ignorance. They would never have been able to do that to a human girl who was aware of the social order. When it comes to human boys they’ll kill or throw them out without much hesitation…but because of what your ancestors did they like to…torture human girls. In the castle males experience the same as they would on the outside more or less, whether they are Charmers or human their status doesn’t change. Humans are used for physical labor, and Charmers are used to attend to the household, to fulfill sexual gratification, and to carry on the race. Other than that we serve no higher purpose to the Gaia…” he says while gauging my reaction. I can’t respond. I don’t know how. I stay stone faced and let him go on. “Most Charmers are abused by their Gaia. Beatings are normal for the Charmers. They are sometimes starved for making mistakes, and they are injured for following the orders of someone who they don’t belong to. A lot of Charmers are tortured for any number of reasons…it really just depends on the Gaia…or human over them.”

“We aren’t supposed to make eye contact with or touch the Gaia…or the human girls that are ‘aware’ of the social order unless explicitly told to do so. If we disobey…” the pretty one looks me in the eyes, “…let’s just say that we don’t disobey our orders.”

“He’s right. You and Tao are just examples of the naïve humans who don’t know about how things are run above you. A lot of people will and have taken advantage of that, so they take their own anger out on you. As for the Gaia, when they find a human girl they usually take her in and treat her like a pampered pet or a spoiled daughter. It doesn’t take long for the human girl to start to treat Charmers and other humans the way that their Gaia ‘mothers’ do. They become just as bad as the Gaia who oppress those under them.” I stand up in shock and my breathing hastens as if I am about to hyperventilate. The blood rushes from my head and I collapse back in to my chair. What…this has all been going on and I’ve had no clue? It feels like I’ve just been given a huge piece of the puzzle that is my life. I didn’t understand why these things were happening…I didn’t realize the reasons were so… _petty_.

The pretty boy rushes over to my side and forces me to drink some water. He stands guard as I finish it and then makes no move back to his seat. I guess he wants to make sure I don’t stand up again just to pass out. Kris looks tentative about finishing his story after seeing me in the state I’ve suddenly fallen in. My heart is pounding. My head hurts. I feel like I’m not taking in enough air and the sharp inhales are doing nothing to help. “Maybe we should continue later.” He offers. “You should lie down for bit.”

“Wait. Does Tao know about all of this? About why the both of us have been treated the way we were?” I ask shakily. I stand up on wobbly legs and the pretty one grips my arm to steady me. Kris shakes his head. They must be trying to “protect” him from the truth. A quick mental image of Jongin pops up in my head. “Is this why Jongin is so afraid of me? Does he think I’m going to hurt him like they have?” Kris only nods and my legs buckle. They must think the same then…

I feel like shit…and weak…and helpless. The tears start to pool and I’m guided to the stairs so that I can lie down. My limbs feel like steel as the weight of my situation fills my veins. I trip going up the first stair and I’m barely being held up by the hand around my arm. He lets go as I let my body kneel on the ground and it starts to shake as my body goes through the motions of crying, but no tears fall.

The pretty boy hesitates before he decides to just pick me up and carry me to my room. He cradles me to his chest as he treks back to my little safe haven. My hand clutches the light blue fabric of his shirt and I feel like this is the only thing keeping me grounded in reality. Like it’s my last slip of sanity. He sets me down on my bed but I can’t get myself to let go of his shirt. He looks into my eyes unguarded for the first time and all I can see is pity and confusion swimming in his large dark irises.

“Have you been through that same stuff when you’re in the castle?” I ask him. He doesn’t answer as he wraps his hand around my own and softly pulls it off his article of clothing. His deer like eyes show a damaged man and he holds eye contact and my hand for a few seconds. He doesn’t need to verbalize what his eyes are confirming. He pats the back of my hand uttering a quiet, “Rest up.” before leaving the room.

My body wants to shut down. To sleep. To stop being conscious. But my mind is wide awake and I end up staring at the all too familiar ceiling for God knows how long. All of my thoughts start to piece together; each thing Kris said pairs with a memory of my own.

_“Many people, human men, Charmer, and Gaia included, didn’t like how high up human women were on the social ladder since there were so few of you.”_

The fire set on my village. He wanted to kill all of us in one shot…there were a lot of women and girls in my home. The people in the third ring treated me like I was the source of all of their issues, and I let them because I thought that I deserved it. Maybe I did deserve it. I didn’t do anything to them, but there’s no telling what they’ve experienced because of the Gaia and because of other human girls.

_“...when they find a human girl they usually take her in and treat her like a pampered pet or a spoiled daughter. It doesn’t take long for the human girl to start to treat Charmers and other humans the way that their Gaia ‘mothers’ do.”_

Momma.

She took me in willingly, but I had seen how boys would beg to work for her and how she would kick them out without hesitation. I’d seen countless boys be beat and then cast out for being caught while running an errand for her…and maybe that’s why I was so shocked when she actually sold me off. I thought that I was different. I thought that…I deserved better. Somewhere in my mind I knew that she wanted me more than the others. With as much as I fucked up, I should have been long sold off or killed or _something_. The first time being caught should have been my last and my only…

8 Years Prior

_“Yah! What did I tell you about getting caught?” She spat as she held me by the collar of my worn t-shirt._

_“You said not to.” I replied back simply._

_“Are you being smart with me you little fucker?” Her grip had gotten harder and my nose was almost touching hers. I shook my head quickly and she scowled before pulling back her hand and striking me across the cheek with the meat of her palm. I was almost sure that I had been given whiplash and the stinging in my cheek was growing stronger with each passing second. I reached a hand up to cradle the tender flesh and everything in me was in flight mode. I was ready to make a run for it. As soon as I made an indication that I was going to move, I was stuck in my spot._

_My head turned back to face her and I found myself kneeling on the ground. My mind was doing all it could to fight, but my body wouldn’t listen. It was as if she had control of my limbs. When she knelt down to my new height she gripped me by the chin and dug her nails into my cheeks._

_“If you get dragged back here because someone caught you again…expect much worse than this.” She whispered. She spat next to me and then let go of my face. Once she was out of the room my body suddenly became mine again. I fell onto my side and swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall. I wouldn’t let her see me cry._

That first time should have been the last time, but I did get caught after that, and every time would be worse than the last. She tortured me when she could have easily killed me off…

_“You and Tao are just examples of the naïve humans who don’t know about how things are run above you.”_

Tao has no issue looking people in the face, especially not me. The boys in the orphanage either. Skinship and eye contact was the only thing we had when it felt like the world was trying to kill us off. And they were. We just didn’t know why.

_We aren’t supposed to make eye contact with or touch the Gaia…or the human girls that are ‘aware’ unless explicitly told to do so._

Jongin…

He hadn’t looked me in the face at all in the month I’ve been here except for today when I more or less made him. That poor boy. Kris and that other guy would look me in the eyes, but they always looked apprehensive. Like I’d explode…like I would suddenly turn in to the other human girls. And wow the way that I was acting at first did nothing to help. How negative a view do they have of women after all they’ve been through? My home was often attacked by their kind and I was never told why people kept bombing and raiding our village. They said it wasn’t important, and I didn’t care then because I was young. They hated us and they killed my family…but while we lived happily in the woods we were the reason that they had their own shitty lives.

Just as I had grown up to hate them, they had grown up to hate…me. All of the boys at the orphanage were there because of me and my ancestors. All of the boys in this house are in pain because of me. It’s all my fault.

And here I was acting like they owed me something while I sat here and did nothing. Refusing to help. Being an enormous asshole. I was the only one who could save them, and maybe if I can’t _save_ them…I can do even just a little to help.

The guilt is eating me up, and yes I know I don’t _owe_ them this because I didn’t choose to be born a human girl and I didn’t personally put them in the positions that they’re in, but I kind of _do_ owe this to them. I can help.

_I could die in the process_ …

But I could help them. No one deserves to be treated like filth regardless of what they’re born as and no one should be entitled to abuse their privilege. Watching others suffer is my own kind of personal hell, and I can’t just sit here and let the Gaia treat boys like shit when they don’t deserve it. When there are shitty Gaia out there like Momma. When there are kind hearted human’s out there like Tao.

And I can’t go around despising all of the Charmers when there are kind ones like Kris. And suffering ones like Jongin.

I won’t just stand by knowing this is all happening.

It’s about time that something around here changes, and I think I might just be willing to jump in to help.


	9. 7. Count Me In

When I wake up later the same day, I have found a new sense of purpose. I think I know what my next steps are going to be, and I need to talk to Tao to finalize my thoughts. To see if what I want to do is really going to help. I don’t want to jump in head first if it’s going to be for nothing.

I stare at my reflection as a brush my teeth with my new toothbrush. I feel as though I am a different person from who I was just a few weeks ago. Not only am I cleaner, but I’m healthier. I feel way healthier than I have ever felt. I can only assume my new found condition is due to that Yixing guy who came in and basically erased all of my bruises, cavities, and wounds. He’s a healer, but he must have like hella power to be able to fix _anything._ I feel and look different, and I’m not sure whether or not this is for better or worse. I’m still just as gross on the inside as I was before.

How had I not noticed how…gross I was before? Like, I’d never had a problem with my appearance since it’s all superficial and based on personal preference. But now thinking back to what I considered ‘clean’ before is pathetic. All of the human boys I’d known weren’t much different though. Perhaps that’s why I was never really concerned with it. Even still, I should have probably _somewhat_ known how dirty and battered I looked to the trained eye. Especially compared to Tao. I had always thought that he had looked weirdly…fresh for another human. Now I know. He just took care of himself and his hygiene.

After freshening up for the day and putting the clothes I slept in back on my body (they weren’t dirty so I saw no reason to not reuse them), a pale pink pair of shorts and a white camisole, I amble out of my room. The light of the moon shows me that I’ve missed the rest of breakfast and lunch. I might have even missed dinner at this point. I should find food before I talk to Tao. Because that’s the most important thing.

Nutrition.

I leave the room and it’s unmissable how lethargic my body is. Walking feels like a difficult task, and each step away from bed feels like a step closer to my own death.

I reach the staircase and am met with an unfamiliar face who was taking angry steps up the stairs. I make a noise of surprise and the new boy looks up from his feet to me. I figure that I should try a new approach and should maybe _not_ be a dick when first meeting people. I have the chance to be nice, and for the first time I take it.

I open my mouth to introduce myself, but before I can utter any greeting his teeth are bared, and his forearm is pressed against my neck, my body against the wall. His force is hard enough to make ability to breathe difficult, but not hard enough to crush my esophagus or seriously harm me. I would fight back, but after all the mental draining and crying I really can’t get my body to put up much of a fight. The hairs on my arms stand on edge like he’s some kind of balloon charged with static.

“Who are you?!” he hisses. “What are you doing here you piece of-”

“Yah! June!” the pressure is released from my throat and I slide against the wall down to the floor. I take in sharp breaths. Tao stands a few feet away with both of his hands on one of the arms of the boy who just tried to kill me. I can’t make out what he tells the fellow, but honestly I don’t want to know. The boy’s eyes are filled with blatant hate, and I know for a fact that I’ve never met him before this encounter. The boy shrugs Tao off after trading a few words and walks off.

“Jongdae isn’t always like that.” Tao puts a hand out to help me on to my feet and I gladly take it. I am already not a fan of this Jongdae guy. Try to do something good once, and this is what happens. Not a good sign. “Something must have happened in the castle to make him so hostile today.” I can only nod in response as I caress my still sore esophagus. Tao tosses a long arm over my shoulder and we both head to the kitchen. We enter and Tao shoves me over to a chair that is situated at the kitchen island. “Sit.”

I don’t protest and watch as he goes to work making me a sandwich.

“I can make my own sandwich you know. I have hands.” He pauses in his work and blushes slightly.

“Sorry. I was just trying to be helpful after everything that’s happened…”

“If you really want to make it though, I won’t stop you. Proceed.” He smiles briefly before continuing on. Ever since I got here, our relationship has been awkward at best. He is hesitant to talk to me, and I can never find the right words to say to him. I try to break through our awkwardness. “You really like it here don’t you?” I ask as he cuts the sandwich in half.

“Yes.” He says without hesitation. “For the first time since my mom died, this is where I felt happy. Finding Kris was one of the moments that I felt like my life turned around.” he picks up the plate and places it on the counter in front of me. Tao is the kind of person that I believe all of the kids in the 3rd ring could turn out to be if they were given the chance to be happy. He has a different outlook on life and it’s endearing. Even though I attacked him when we first met, he was still able to make me open up to him. Perhaps I should, I can’t believe I’m saying this, be more like Tao. I don’t touch the food, instead choosing to look into his dark eyes. He looks back without any of the fear that was in Jongin’s, any of the uneasiness in Kris and pretty boys, or the hate of that Jongdae fellow.

“Tao…” he blinks in acknowledgement. “Do you think I should do this? What Kris wants me to do?” he blinks again and then nods his head a few times slowly.

“I think…that you could be the one to save us. The kids like you and me, and my friends who are in the castle. They don’t tell me all that happens in there, but I’m not dumb. I can figure out what’s going on in there even when they don’t show up here bruised and shaking.” He props his head up in his hand.

“Why me though? Why couldn’t you have brought some other girl here for Kris? I know there aren’t many of us, but I’m not the only one.” He looks off thoughtfully and then clicks his tongue.

“Well first off, you’re my friend and I wanted to bring you here before I knew about this whole plan thing anyway…” he starts. He pouts a bit before continuing on. “I heard that most girls turn easily once they start to get treated like first class citizens…and I don’t know. You’re different. From what I told Kris, I think he thought you just happened to be the right choice so he didn’t look for anyone else. I think Kris believes that fully now too. You would be able to fight back. You use to defend the boys back at the orphanage when they were hurt and you didn’t ask for anything in return. You’re genuinely nice, and not hell bent on surviving at the expense of everyone else.” I smile authentically at his compliment and my face heats up. I grab a sandwich slice and bite in to it to hide my flustered expression.

After hearing how highly he thinks of me, and how genuine everyone’s intentions seem to be, the rest of my doubt fades away with my swallow of the sandwich. I still feel like this is going to go straight to shit, but I’m open to trying now. “I’ll do it.” I tell him before taking a bite in to the sandwich again.

“What?”

I try to talk around my mouth full of food. “I said I’ll do it.” I swallow the chewed up bread and meat and whatnot. “I’ll go in to the Queen’s castle and try to…fix this. To fix all of this if I can.” He straightens up in excitement and claps his hands excitedly like a little kid. He tackles me in a hug and we both almost topple over with the chair. I hold tightly to my sandwich slice while laughing at how happy Tao has suddenly turned. I’m relived the awkwardness between us is gone; I’m not used to not knowing what to say to him. “Dude, get off of me. I need to finish eating.”

“This is the best thing you’ve ever said. You don’t say much worth listening to usually, and this might be the first time you’ve said something worth hearing.” He jokes.

“For someone who follows and listens to Kris like some kind of one legged puppy you sure are talking rather tough to me right now.”

“Kris is a great man, and you should watch it. I’ll choose Kris over you any day.”

“I find that very hard to believe. You _love_ me after all you big emotional cheese ball.” I reach for his cheek to squeeze it; he scowls and dodges my hand quickly. For the first time since arriving here I smile again fully. It feels like our relationship has gone right back to normal. It’s like it was before, full of teasing, joking, and lightheartedness.

I missed this.

“I’ll tell Kris tonight, and then I’ll tell Luhan in the morning. I think he’s asleep right now.” Tao says grabbing my other sandwich half and taking a huge bite out for himself. I frown at the loss of food and at Tao’s statement.

“Luhan? Who is Luhan?” I grab the Tao bitten part of my sandwich and shove it in my mouth before he can steal any more. Tao squints his eyes at me as if I’ve said something stupid. I hate when he looks at me like I’m an idiot or beneath him or something.

“Who’s Luhan? Really? You’ve seen him every day…” he tilts his head to the side and my eyes widen in realization. The pretty one. That deer eyed boy! I’ve been referring to him as the pretty on all this time, I forgot that he actually has a name. I chew my food and laugh sheepishly while avoiding his gaze. He laughs, “You’re an idiot.”

I haven’t taken the time to figure out anything about the people around me. Being an asshole and disregarding everyone but myself…I really need to turn this act around. I’m not an asshole and I have to prove that to them and to myself. I’ve been wallowing so hard in my own pity that I really haven’t been observant to what’s around me. I’m starting to believe that I really am an inconsiderate douche bag.

It’s time to show them what I’m really like. What girls can be like. Girls can be caring and selfless, I’ll show them. I’ll drop my guard just a bit and I’ll get them to trust me. I’ll trust them. I’ll do what I need to do to save them. If that’s going to start with me exposing my own vulnerability to them, so be it. Maybe it’ll be worth it in the end.


	10. 8. Making Our Way Downtown

“Okay, I’m going to park the car over in the parking receptacle. You can just get out and wait here until I get back. It’ll only be like 3 minutes.” Luhan looks at me warily and I pucker my lips and look out of my passenger side window.

“I’ll just stay by that mall entrance over there. I’ll be on the bench?” I look at him to see if that’s fine with him, and he nods. I smile and he pushes a button so that my door will open for me. I climb out of the silver vehicle and the door closes behind me. The window rolls down and Luhan leans over his seat so that I can see him better.

“Stay there. Don’t do anything reckless until I get back.” He says sternly. I roll my eyes and walk towards the mall entrance on my own. It’s been three days since I talked to Tao and told him that I would go along with this suicide mission. Kris sent Luhan and me out to go and update my wardrobe now that I’ve decided to stay. I’d prefer it if the angry tall man would have come with me rather this guy who acts like I’m going to stab him at any moment, but Luhan is _apparently_ the eldest and most experienced with this whole thing. I haven’t been told exactly how long I will be staying with the boys, what I’m going to be doing in the castle, or how long I will have to stay with the Queen, but as of now I’m just rolling with the punches.

I situate myself on the long metal bench and look around. We have apparently been in the 2nd ring this whole time. It’s a lot less urban in this ring than it was back in the 3rd. Maybe that’s why it all seems cleaner. I’ve been given a light blue shirt and white pants to wear on today’s adventure, and I was forced to shower 3 times before leaving the house. I didn’t think that I smelled that bad, but Luhan was adamant. He wasn’t going to take me out unless he could only smell my soap. A tap on my shoulder disturbs me and I jump in to defense mode almost immediately.

It’s been about a month since I was on the streets but the reaction is still instinct. The identified hand only belongs to Luhan and he gives me a worried look, I attempt to smile and brush off my nearly violent reaction. “Let’s walk around. I need you to see something…” I stand up and squeeze my lips into a line to show my skepticism. “And there is a specific store that we should go to. Let’s go.” He says.

* * *

 

We walk in silence for 15 minutes and the street and this part of the city is beginning to get a bit too crowded for me. The energetic people and excitement is tangible. I can feel myself tensing up and my nerves are on edges. A hand on my shoulder squeezes me reassuringly, when I look back it’s just Luhan nodding in encouragement, but not looking me in the face. I roll my eyes. Great, it’s starting.

Before we left the little “cult house”, Luhan told me that he wouldn’t be able to talk to me much outside of the house (as if he talked to me much inside the house in the first place). That he won’t be able to interact with me much out in public. I was told that as long as I pretend to be confident that everything would be just fine. I blink at Luhan behind me and then swallow down my fear. I square my shoulders and lift up my head so that I don’t look as scared as I feel.

No one gives me any kind of second glance. I look around and no one seems the least bit interested in what I’m doing or who I’m with, and to say that I’m kind of confused is an understatement.

“They think that you’re Gaia.” A soft voice informs me. My steps stutter and my eyes widen at the statement; they think I’m a mutant? A quick pinch to my arm makes me groan and recollect my composure. He didn’t pinch me hard, but it was definitely not light enough to be missed. The deer-eyed boy is still guarded around me, and I can understand why. I wasn’t exactly approachable for the first weeks and I did almost break his arm.

He’s been trailing behind me and letting me walk ahead since we got out of the car, and I feel seriously misplaced. Being so far ahead of him when he could easily be standing and walking beside me doesn’t make sense. I slow down my pace in hopes that he will fall in line with me, but he catches on quickly and slows down as well. “That’s not how this works.” He whispers. My shoulders slump and I sigh loudly.

Guess I’ll have to keep up this charade until we get home.

“Hey there sexy!”

“Why don’t you come over here and talk to us sweetheart!”

“Nice ass!”

“Hey don’t you hear us talking to you?!”

“Must be one of those stuck up ones. That’s fine, you aren’t that hot anyway, slut.”

The comments come and go, sometimes there are whistles and catcalls. My fist clench angrily and it takes every ounce of my restraint to not go and punch those people straight in the face. Catcalling and wolf whistling I can handle when it’s directed at me.

But, I won’t let them do this to Luhan.

“Hey Charmer. Let’s see what’s in those pants.” The lady and her friends laugh and others continue to make lewd comments directed towards the boy. If I send them the deadliest glare that I can manage, most of them will cough and look away. More daring ones will glare back at me. With me here they will quiet down, but the looks don’t stop. Women look at him as if he is a piece of meat, and it’s disgusting. He isn’t just a fucking body they can lust over. Don’t they have jobs or something that they should be doing?

My nails dig harshly in to my palm and my jaw is clenched shut. If another woman says anything to him, I swear to God I will strangle them here in the middle of the street. Magic or not, I’ll throw hands right here. We might not be what you call friends yet, but that doesn’t mean I’m not bothered to hear how they address him. “It’s fine; I’m used to it. Just relax. Go in there.” His hand points to a tall glass building with a clothing store on the ground floor, and I abandon my previous anger. I follow his order and we enter into the clean and quaint shop. The two of us sit in cushioned chairs and wait to be assisted.

When I look over to him, his gaze is blank, and not at all hostile like I thought it would be after the street harassment. I want to hold his hand or something to comfort him. He doesn’t show it, but that kind of experience always shakes you.

I would know.

I look down at his hand and contemplate grabbing it in my own, even if it’s just to assure myself that he’s okay, but I don’t want to make either of us uncomfortable in this situation. Or any more uncomfortable than I already feel it is. Maybe talking would help out a little bit. “So why are we here?” I whisper.

“You need new clothes so that you don’t look and smell like a bum.” He says without looking my way. I swat at his arm lightly and he smiles a half smile. It’s the first time he’s done that, and I feel hope blossoming in my chest. He avoids my eyes again and I sigh.

“What happens if people find out that I’m not Gaia here?”

“Less powerful Gaia and Charmers can’t just tell if you aren’t Gaia. Only royals and the higher ups can sense it. Most of the people around here would need some kind of proof, and even if they find out it’s only the Charmers that would treat you any less. Gaia might baby you a bit, but that’s all.” He says quietly. I scoff. Baby me? Not on my watch. I hold my head up higher so that I can look and feel confident. Luhan snickers. “You’re so innocent…” he murmurs.

The curtain in the back of the room swings open and a woman enters. Her hair is dark and long, her body is athletic almost, and the air around her screams ‘obey me’. It’s obvious that she is not human. Her aura has a pull and I find myself on my feet walking towards her by instinct. Luhan stays seated and looks on in confusion.

“Welcome to my lovely little shop, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” her voice is sweet and her personality is warm. Being around her feels like being wrapped in a warm and soft blanket. The greeting is nice and polite until her eyes spot Luhan still seated in his chair. “Yah!” she calls out. Her smile vanishes and a disgusted look takes its place. Luhan stands quickly, bows, and then stands slightly behind me. She gives him a once over. “So he’s yours.” She acknowledges.

“Yes.” I reply quickly. My voice wavers and I mentally smack myself. Really intimidating. She continues to stare at him with a mix of hostility and desire. “Excuse me, but can I get some help finding some clothes to buy?” she snaps out of whatever thought process that she was engaged in to turn her attention back to me. A smile graces her features again and she claps her hands together once.

“Lovely. What can I help you with?” she asks genuinely. The difference in how she addresses Luhan and me is astounding, and it takes me a second to remember that I have job to do right now.

“Um, anything really. Shirts, shoes, hats, pants, all of it. I’m…redoing my wardrobe.” I tell her. Her eyes brighten at the amount of money that she expects I will spend, and then proceeds to whisk me around the shop. Without asking, she knows my size in clothes and shoes. Her powers must play a role in that. The fabrics of the clothes in the store are soft and I’d only ever seen these materials on the people I worked for. All of my clothes were ill-fitting and scratchy back in the 3rd ring. While the few outfits I’ve had at Kris’s are nice, they definitely aren’t this.

She tosses bundles of clothes in my direction and Luhan uses his floaty magic so that I don’t actually have to carry it. The clothes follow me in a stack to the register. The woman rings up my purchases and tells me that it will be 300 credits. About the same amount of 3 new tablets. A good deal I guess for the amount of clothes that I got.

One problem. I don’t have any money to pay for this.

I snap around to face Luhan. Oh my Gods. How am I supposed to pay for all of this? A card raises in to my line of vision and I grab it slowly. _Wu Yifan_. I hold the card out to Luhan as if to ask ‘who the bloody hell is Wu Yifan?’ and he only motions back to the lady with a tilt of his head. I give him a thankful look and hand the card to the woman. Her card glows blue and 300 credits is taken from my card. She bags the purchases and sits them atop the counter. My hands reach out to grab the stuffed bags, but Luhan grabs them faster. I’m frozen slightly in place from the action until I realize the lady is looking at the both of us weirdly.

I put a neutral expression back on my face, snatch back the card, and walk out of the store with my head high and Luhan on my heel.

We walk and drive back to the house in silence, and I feel utterly drained. I have never felt so mentally tired in all of my life. We enter the house and as soon as the door closes behind us I take the bags from Luhan and toss them on the floor. I throw myself into him to wrap him in a hug.

He stiffens and I squeeze him tighter as if I can absorb all of what happened out of him and into myself. I wish I could take it for myself to deal with. “I am so sorry, Luhan.” I mutter against his shirt.

All of the dirty looks.

The rude words.

The inappropriate glances.

The Gaia women were utterly too much. He wasn’t the only Charmer out, in fact most of the women had a man or two with them, but that didn’t stop them from treating Luhan any different than those who didn’t have a Charmer or human with them. “I’m so sorry.” I say again. This time trying to excuse my behavior when he first met me. “Thank you for going out with me. I’m sorry that they’re like this to you.”

This wasn’t the worst of it, I know. But if this is how it is in public, I don’t think I want to learn what happens in private. He doesn’t move in my embrace, and it’s shockingly similar to how Jongin was. I pull back and am surprised to see his face flushed, and he seems to actually be blushing. Are these guys not used to affection like this? Do they not know how to respond to hugs or something? I open my mouth to ask about this, when Tao pops into the hall and pulls me into his own arms.

“You’re back! What did you get?! Let’s take a look! I should have been the one to go, Luhan doesn’t know anything about clothes. Look at him.” He rambles still holding me to his chest. I wiggle out of his grasp with a smile and look at Luhan’s outfit. He’s wearing light washed jeans, athletic shoes and a long sleeved shirt that looks really nice on him. It might be a bit hot out for that kind of shirt with jeans, but hey. To each his own.

His light brown hair is undercut and softly falls around his face. He looks great really, and I can’t believe I hadn’t seen how attractive he was before now.

“I think he looks quite handsome in what he’s wearing.” I say with a full smile. His cheeks flame pink and he clears his throat in an attempt to pull the attention away from his embarrassment.

Yep. Definitely not use to this kind of attention and affection.

He struggles to gather his composure and I can see Tao glare at him for half a second. “I know that I’m handsome. I don’t need either of you to tell me that.” Luhan says while lifting his head and puffing out his chest. I laugh at how cute he appears. He deflates and roughly tells Tao and me to follow him and help put away the clothes. The two of us share a secret smile and follow behind the embarrassed man in front of us.


	11. 9. Targeting

It’s well into September now, and I think this makes it two months since I was brought here, and maybe 2 weeks since I agreed to go to the castle. It still feels like this is probably the worst decision I have ever been given the opportunity to make, but I don’t know. I’ve got nothing to lose, so what harm am I causing by doing this? Might as well jump right in.

Kris smiles more around me now, and that cold image I had formed of him seems like a joke now that I’ve seen him act his normal awkward and funny self. When he thanked me for deciding to go inside, I told him that it was no big deal. It’s the least I can do for them after putting up with me and housing me. He only offered me a gummy smile and head pat in return.

What am I, his child?        

Luhan is chattier these days, and he’s always moving around. I was right when I assumed that he never stops moving. It’s like he never runs out of energy, and it doesn’t help that he drinks coffee with _every_ god damn meal that he eats as well. You’d think that he’d learn to chill out, but no. His own energy plus the caffeine only equals a headache for _all_ of us. He also isn’t as weird about being teased any more. As a matter of fact, the roles switched fairly quick after I was just starting to have my fun. It took a week of me initiating skinship and shooting him innocent flirty remarks before he completely turned it around.

Thanks to the sudden switch up, I recently learned that he’s actually handsy as hell, and always has some kind of playful remark to say.

I haven’t gotten used to this new side yet.

Tao is still a shit. But he’s still my little shit, and between him and Luhan the talking and touching never ceases. Not that I can genuinely complain. The attention is nice since I know it’s just them being friendly and not trying to get something out of me (usually). So, I’ve verbally complained on multiple occasions, but I’m fake as hell and honestly really appreciate it.

Kris has a job somewhere in the 2nd ring, and so he leaves to go to work every other day. These two though, total bums. They…well _we_ don’t get out enough and I have to sit and suffer due to their pent up energy.

“June, let’s go play basketball outside.” Tao says barging in to my room one afternoon.

“Um, okay. Let me find something to play in.” I tell him while pushing aside the tablet Kris lent to me for recreation. I’ve been using it to play games and read news stories. I don’t want to be in the dark about what’s going on around me if I have access to the news now.

After changing out of my long pajama bottoms and t-shirt I head downstairs to find something to eat before going and playing around with Tao. Entering in the kitchen, I’m met with Luhan rummaging in the refrigerator. “Is there any yogurt or anything in there?” I ask. He pokes his head out and smiles the flirty smile he likes to wear these days.

“Afternoon, babe.” My heart skips slightly. Curse him and this stupid pet name. “Where are you going dressed like that?” he closes the fridge door and judges my shorts and tank top.

“To play basketball with Tao. Why? Is there something wrong with this?” I look down at my own outfit in curiosity.

“Yes, it’s September and you’ll freeze like that.” I cross my arms at his exaggeration. It’s cool outside, no one would freeze in this weather. He walks over and starts to circle me like a jungle cat. I stiffen and cross my arms tighter around my chest so that I don’t feel so insecure under his scrutiny. He clicks his tongue and grabs my upper arm. “This won’t do. Let’s go. You need something warmer.” I’m yanked back up the stairs and to my little maroon room. As soon as we enter he pushes me on to my bed, and I fall on my butt with an ‘oomph’. He opens up my closet door and rummages through as if it’s his closet; I sigh while he searches.

It takes him 3 seconds to pull out a pair of thick leggings and a long sleeved shirt. He holds it up and I shake my head defiantly. “No. I’m not wearing that.”

“You need to dress warmer.”

“Okay but that doesn’t mean I have to sweat to death. We’re moving around, you know that right?” I ask. He rolls his eyes and tosses me the shirt.

“Just put this on then.” I grab the light purple shirt and hold it up to inspect it. Its thick, but if I’d learned anything since my arrival and after watching him, I know that Luhan _will_ annoy me until he gets his way.

“Fine. But as soon as I get too hot I’m taking this off.” I stand up from my bed and grab the bottom of my tank to yank it off. I look over and Luhan is still just standing there leaning against the wall. “You need something?” He looks up to my eyes from wherever he had zoned out.

“Huh?”

“I said do you need something? You mind leaving?” I say jutting my chin towards the door 2 feet from him. His bottom lip pokes out slightly and he glances at the door before shaking his head.

“I’m fine here. Carry on.” He says with a cheeky smile. I take my hands away from my tank and let them rest on my hips.

“Luhan.”

“June.”

“I’m not playing around.”

“Neither am I.”

“You really aren’t half as funny as you think you are.”

“I’m not trying to be funny.”

“I will drop kick you.”

“Not if freeze you in your place.”

“You wouldn’t do that to me.”

“Try me.”

“Seriously, get out. I’m not going to change if you are in here staring at me.” I whine.

“I’ll undress too if it makes you less embarrassed. I know just my presence flusters you, but we can do this together, here I’ll take off my shir-”

“STOP I DIDN’T MEAN FOR YOU TO STRIP.”

“You wanna take it off for me then? Ooh I like women who take charge”

“Oh my God keep your fucking clothes on.” I say shaking my head quickly. I slap my palm to my forehead embarrassed. Why is he like this? Fuck. I take the long sleeve shirt and pull it on top of the tank I was already wearing and walk towards the door. Problem solved.

“You’re no fun.” I hear him mutter as he follows behind me. All I wanted was something to eat before going to go play with Tao, but of course a simple task is turned in to a whole ordeal here. As I grab a bottle of water the back door opens and closes. I walk around Luhan who has started talking about wanting a cat to see Tao coming back in the house soaking wet.

“Oh no, what happened?!” I jog over to him and touch his heavy and wet strands of hair.

“It started raining.” He says. A look out of a window proves that yes, it is in fact raining. I hadn’t even noticed while bickering with Luhan. I yank the long shirt off my body and give it to Tao so that he can try to dry off a bit.

“Why’d you stay out there so long? You should have come back in as soon as it started!” I take the shirt from him since he has made no move to dry himself, and run it up and down his arms to rid them of the water. Tao chuckles at me and takes the shirt back from my hands.

“I had to put up the equipment and stuff. Calm down _mom_ I’m fine. I can dry myself.” He teases.

“Shut up. I won’t fucking help you next time then.”

“No~ I didn’t mean it like that. Baby me! Here you can dry off my hair.” He swings his head and water droplets flick off the strands and fly on to me. I try to shield myself, but it’s in vain.

“Suck a dick. That’s the last time I offer my help.” I turn around and walk back up to my room. I hate them both.

“Love me~”

* * *

 

Kris suggests that we celebrate tonight before I start my one on one training with Luhan. Since the elder is more well versed in what I need to know, it’s been decided that he’ll handle my lessons. We all happily agree to the idea of having a bit of fun tonight. Kris offers to go and buy sweets, food, and drinks for us so that we can all enjoy our night in. I bounce excitedly on the couch as Kris leaves the house. It’s been forever since I’ve been this excited about something.

Tao hooks up a disc player and puts in a movie for us to watch while we wait for Kris to come back. “I’m going to go get something from my room.” Luhan says before vanishing upstairs. I move from the couch down to the floor so that I can sit next to Tao there.

“What did you put in?”

“Some movie from like centuries ago. They added subtitles so that we can understand though.”

“Oh, what language is it in?”

“English.”

“Ooh fun.”

“Yeah it’s called,” he picks up the case to read the cover “, _The Lion King_.”

“Isn’t this a kid’s movie?”

“No, this movie is a classic, and you need to learn how to appreciate true works of art.”

“I’m sure this is going to be trash.”

“Trash knows trash, so who am I to tell you about what you specialize in. Maybe it is.”

“You’re mean.”

“And you’re cute.”

“ALL RIGHT ENOUGH FLIRTING I’M BACK. HALT THE DATE, THIRD WHEEL COMING IN.” Luhan’s heavy steps enter the living room and he plops right in front of the TV screen. Date? I Look at Luhan and then Tao confused. Tao looks embarrassed and wrings his long fingers. Okay, I’ll look in to that later.

Sufficiently blocking the TV and having caught our attention, Luhan starts to pass out what look like playing cards. “What is this?” the cards are more vibrant and childlike than the cards I am use to seeing.

“UNO.” Luhan replies with a grin. “We’re all going to play UNO.”

I sit there in silence while he quickly explains the rules of the game. Match either the number or the color of your card with the last one put down. If you don’t have anything, you take a card from the stack.

Seems easy enough.

I pick my stack of cards up off the ground and hold them so that the other two boys can’t see what I’m holding.

Luhan starts and we go through a few rounds calmly. Just numbers, some reverses, and the occasional skip. Tao has to help me out a bit, but thanks to him, I win first and I cheer a little at the small victory. The two boys were beginning to get a bit too serious. I was glad to finally be out.

I had put down a yellow 4 as my final card, changing the color away from red like it had been for like 10 cards now. It was all calm, but everything changed when Tao attacked. Tao laughs loudly after my turn and looks at Luhan with a devilish smirk.

“Sorry, but we can’t all win.” He says. He puts down 3 skips and 2 draw fours on Luhan, all in succession, and the latter totally loses his shit. The two boys bicker loudly and all of the cards scatter across the room from some invisible force after Tao puts down his final card.

Luhan does not like to lose.

Noted.

The bright cards flitter in the air and fall delicately in random places around the room. It’s like a rain shower…of colorful hard cards. Tao bursts in to his loud laughter at Luhan’s expense and I fall victim to my own noisy laughs as well.

“This isn’t fair! Tao literally played for you. That’s cheating!” Luhan declares, suddenly blaming me for his loss. He sounds so genuinely upset by the outcome of the game and a frown settles on his beautiful face.

“I don’t know how to play. I would have lost without help.” I say after wiping away the tears that formed from laughing so hard.

“Exactly! You would lose and then you learn. That’s how life works, you gremlins.” I giggle again while Tao attempts to gather enough breath from previously laughing so hard. He had stopped rolling around on the floor at this point, but he was still shaking from leftover giggles. I reach out to squeeze Luhan’s cheeks.

“Better luck next time, sweetheart.” I say teasingly. Luhan stands on his feet and my hands drop back down to my lap. “Let’s play another game then.” He suggests.

“Okay. What?” I say humoring him. He smirks before turning around and rummaging under the TV for something. Tao sits up and we share a confused look. I scoot closer to him and wrap my arms around his torso. I don’t know why I feel compelled to have him so close, but it just feels right. He gives me a look but I shrug and hug him tighter.

“Aha.” Luhan pulls out a different set of cards. He turns around and sets it in the middle of us three. I let go of Tao and look at the playing cards that I’m more familiar with.

“What are we playing this time?” I ask while tapping the top of the stack with my nails. When I look at the older male his smile is anything but innocent.

“Strip poker.”

“No.” Tao says immediately. “We aren’t playing that.” I haven’t played strip poker personally, but I have watched others play regular poker. I can guess what happens when you lose. My breath catches in my throat at the thought of being naked in front of these two. Yes, Tao has seen me naked before, but that doesn’t mean that he has to every time the chance arises. As for Luhan, I would just be entirely too embarrassed. Especially if they weren’t fully clothed as well.

It wouldn’t be my first or last time seeing a guy half naked, being half naked in front of a guy, or even fully nude, but I’m still only a teenage girl. Hormones still exist, even after having experienced sex in less than pleasant circumstances. And the two of them are _very_ attractive, I just don’t think that I’d be able to handle the situation. I cough in an attempt to clear away my flustered expression.

“I’m back!”

Thank the Gods. Kris enters the living room with two large bags in either hand. He pauses as he looks at all of us on the floor surrounded by colorful cards with a children’s movie on in the background. He quirks an eyebrow. Luhan flicks his hand and all of the cards fly off the ground and into a neat pile on top of the table that the TV sits above. The clink of alcohol bottles sounds in my ears. I stand up and grab one out of the bags on Kris’s arm for myself. I sit back on the ground and wait for the rest of them to grab theirs and get settled. I hold it with both hands while Kris and Tao unpack all of the groceries.

“We should play a drinking game.” I propose. All day has been about games, so why not continue the pattern? After having set out the food he bought and gotten comfortable, Kris opens his liquor and takes a swig.

“Like what? Do you have any ideas?”

I bite my lip and look around the room for some kind of inspiration. I tap my chin twice and release my bottom lip from my teeth as an idea strikes. “Ooh! I once saw some guys playing something called Ever Have I Never?”

“Never Have I Ever.” Tao corrects with a smile. I roll my eyes.

“Okay whatever, Never Have I Whatever.” Luhan chuckles. “I didn’t get to join in, but when I watched them it looked like fun. Besides, I don’t know much about you all, and I haven’t revealed much about myself…this could be a good start…” I say shyly.

“I’m in.” Luhan quickly agrees.

“Sounds great to me.” Kris says with a smile. Tao shrugs indifferently.

“I’ll start.” Luhan utters. “Never have I ever…been a human.” He smiles innocently at Tao and me.

“That was so lame.” Tao says before taking a swig of his drink.

“You aren’t supposed to target specific people you jockstrap.” I complain before drinking myself. Luhan just shrugs.

“It’s just the truth.”

He is such a sore loser. Tao is next and follows with a statement just as bad. “Never have I ever been a Charmer.” Kris and Luhan drink large gulps of whatever it was that Kris bought. This was about learning new things about one another, not asking things we already know.

Despite the thought, I follow with, “Never have I ever been a boy.” If they want to play dirty, then let’s play dirty. Tao grabs a pillow off the couch and hits me hard in the shoulder. I groan in pain and almost spill my open drink. Kris laughs at the violent exchange.

“You all need to stop targeting really.” The three of us mutter in agreeance. “Never have I ever been a girl.” I look up from my drink open mouthed. Kris’s eyes crinkle in delight and I scrunch up my face in annoyance. I put the mouth of the bottle to my lips and take a big gulp. Stop targeting, he says. And yet he targets me. It’ll be fun I thought. A learning experience I thought. I was wrong.

5 rounds later we’ve all at least gone through 2 large drinks a piece. Whatever it was that Kris bought wasn’t low on its alcohol content, I know that now. The effects of the alcohol are hitting me hard. I’ve only had 2, Tao and Kris 4, and Luhan is almost at 5. Poor kid is suffering. The targeting doesn’t stop, but I have learned more about the group than I originally intended on learning.

Things I’ve learned about Luhan: likes to play soccer, enjoys singing, has had sex with multiple women and men. He is the more experienced than the 3 of us put together.

Things I’ve learned about Kris: he can fly, he has a lot of money and collects expensive and rare clothes, and he has a crush on the Gaia who runs the flower stall down the street.

Things I’ve learned about Tao: nothing. I already basically knew everything about him, but I did find out that he has a crush on some girl. He didn’t give any details. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was ready to jump him for keeping this kind of thing a secret. Kris had to physically pull me away and cover my mouth to keep me from loudly interrogating the tall boy. I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t slightly hurt by his confession, but I can’t say anything about it. I’ve been low-key crushing on Luhan and Kris while still harboring my feelings for Tao.

Luckily, I wasn’t exposed much during the game.

They learned that Tao and I had a romantic past, and I was shocked that that hadn’t come up sooner. I figured that Tao would have told them about that at the very least. They learned that I have a fear of both fire and large bodies of water, and they learned that I have trouble sleeping in complete silence. When the game took a turn for the sexual, a few of my experiences were revealed, but I never stood out. Luhan lost most in that area.

Now, all of the alcohol is gone and the house is in absolute anarchy. All of the food is long gone, sauces and crumbs are all over the floor.

This is how you get ants.

Tao has started running around the house claiming that he can still fight drunk. I have to coerce him to leave the lamp alone. It didn’t say anything to him, and it wasn’t trying to start a fight. I ask him to sit down, but since I’m giggling from my own bubbly mind I don’t sound very serious. I step in between Tao and the lamp and grab his face in both of my hands. He stops talking to the lamp to look at me.

“Sit. Down.” I say as seriously as my wobbling body will allow me. He blinks dumbly and I shake my head and walk away. He’s a lost cause.

I get 3 steps away before he latches himself around my legs. His unexpected added weight throws off my balance and I topple forward. I close my eyes and prepare for my body to hit the ground, but I fall in to a different mass instead. I slowly open my eyes and crane my neck to see Kris holding me up. “Go drink some water. You’re going to kill her.” He tells Tao. Tao mutters but let’s go of me. I assume that he leaves to go do as Kris told him.

What a little bitch.

My body feels heavy and all of the dizziness and wobbling is making me tired. I lean in to Kris’s embrace unconsciously. He smells like clean laundry and slightly like the musky cologne that he likes to wear. It’s comforting.

My comfort is quickly taken from me when I’m yanked away and in to another, smaller set of arms. Kris plops down on the couch and lets out a large yawn. He is obviously a sleepy drunk, but hell, I might be too.

I wrap my arms around Luhan’s neck to hold myself up while he sways us to the music of whatever movie he had put in. He sings along to the melody of the song that plays over the screen’s images, his arms circled around my waist loosely. I close my eyes and relish in the sound and feel of his soft voice against my hair. When a particularly high note comes I start to laugh at his attempt to reach it. He strains his voice in the process. I laugh and wriggle out of our little dance embrace. My legs are weak and I collapse on the couch next to Kris, while Luhan continues to belt out lyrics to the TV.

The taller male’s head bobs forward as he attempts to stay awake. I smile and shift so that he can lean his head on my shoulder and go to sleep. It’s no use trying to stay awake at this point.

“Th-that’s not fair.” Tao says stumbling back in to the living room. He points at the older male and looks at me with a pout, cheeks stained pink. “You’re my friend. I never get to lay with- with uh- with you.” He says with a slight slur. “You should be holding me. Not him, not flair.”

“Not what?” I ask not understanding his last statement. Kris kicks at Tao.

“It’snotFAIR.” He barely clarifies. “Angry drunk.” He says fake punching at Kris. I pat the empty space beside me.

“Here. This is wide open, just for you.” I say with a lazy smile. I’m surprised that my words are coming out so clearly. Well…they feel like they are, but I can’t even really tell anymore at this point.

He flops in the empty spot and curls up with his head against my thighs. He shoves his face in to the fabric of my shirt, and I run my hands through his recently bleached hair leisurely. The sounds of both Kris’s and Tao’s snoring fills my ears not long after, and their body heat is surrounding me and suffocating me.

I’m surrounded by fucking giants.

The body heat is too much and I clumsily slip off the couch. In my defense I really did try to not move the pair too much. I just didn’t have the functionality to do it successfully. I can breathe on the ground and I slump against the bottom of the couch.

I’ve got to pee.

And I should probably hydrate myself.

Water, and then I’ll go pee. When I stand up I realize that walking will be a harder feat than I had originally anticipated.

Maybe I’ll just go pee…

I stand up and gather my wits. To the bathroom. That’s where I’m going. The bathroom.

I totter to the bathroom and ungracefully sit on the toilet seat. The song that Luhan had been singing pops in to my mind and I start humming the tune while I relieve my bladder. I continue to hum when I wash my hands.

I turn off the faucet and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I glare at the girl staring back at me and hold up an unstable finger to point at her. “Get your shit together. You are not going to act like a mess. Got it? Hmm? Okay great.”

She looks back at me just as out of it, as I feel. It’s useless trying to talk sense into her at this point.

The living room is still in disarray and Tao and Kris are on the couch where I left them. With me gone, they’ve gone to cuddling each other. Like a father and son. How cute.

The credits from the movie that had been in are rolling. Luhan sits lethargically against the foot of the other couch. He looks close to falling asleep as well.

“You should go to bed. Come on, go to your room.” I say quietly. He groans in response and closes his eyes letting his head lull back in the process. I grab his arm and try to pull him up.

In this state though, he feels like the heaviest thing I’ve ever had to move. I yank at his arm a few more times before I give up all together and sit in front of him with a sigh. He opens his dazed eyes and lets out a yawn. I yawn as well.

I lie down on my side. I can just sleep here for bit. Then I’ll go up to my room. Luhan follows suit and lies down facing me. I stare at his face in my haze and realize just how pretty he is. It’s aggravating. He’s prettier than me, and it isn’t fair. His features are soft and delicate, and deceptively cute. But once he opens his fucking mouth the cuteness vanishes. Suddenly he’s a flirty little fuck who needs to be taken down a peg.

A warm palm rests on my cheek and I let out a heavy exhale. His palm is warm and soft, and warm and if he could keep it there forever then I would be happy with life. Our eyes meet and I feel myself being pulled in by his alluring gaze. I break eye contact for half a second to glance at his pink lips that have gotten closer to my face than they were when we first lied down.

First mistake.

Our faces are closer now, and he noticed my momentary glimpse at his mouth. His glazed over eyes clear ever so slightly and it makes my heart pound harshly against my ribcage. His thumb rubs against the skin of my cheek and I close my eyes for a moment. “Luhan…” I whisper out unconsciously.

Second mistake.

My eyes flutter back open and his bottom lip is gently tucked under his teeth. I can feel his warm breath ghosting over my face and alarms are going off somewhere in the back of my head.

We shouldn’t be this close.

We shouldn’t be looking at each other like this.

I shouldn’t be reacting this way.

And I definitely shouldn’t want to kiss him with my entire being.

He releases his bottom lip and his forehead and nose are touching mine. He’s letting me make the final move.

Our third and final mistake.

I close the distance and press my lips to his softly. My skin feels like it’s vibrating and I feel like I’m being lifted in to the air. Every cell in my body is dancing and moving from the light kiss. He presses back harder and I grab the front of his shirt to pull his body closer to my own. I feel like I’m floating and I have to use him to stay grounded.

I have to stay grounded.

Suddenly the two of us are sitting up and his hand is on the nape of my neck. The kiss goes from innocent to feverish far too fast for my mind to comprehend, but my body reacts naturally. Teeth clash, tongues collide, breathy moans and groans slip from the two of us as we let the alcohol and our own hormones take over our last lingering senses.

I sit on his lap and grab a fist full of hair between my fingers as I try to take over as the dominate one in our little make out session. He moans into my mouth and I feel my underwear dampen at each noise that the boy beneath me makes. I smile slightly against his lips, and he growls slightly before he shifts our position so that he can gain the upper hand again. I lie flat on my back as he leans over me, attaching his lips to the sensitive skin on my neck. My back arches in to him and I whimper. His hand roams under the material of my shirt and rests right under my breast.

God I want this.

I want this so bad.

A groggy groan sounds through the room and I slap a hand to my mouth in terror. Luhan stops his movements and looks at me in horror as well.

Tao and Kris are still here.

Our eyes widen simultaneously and we slowly separate. Both of the bodies on the couch are still fast asleep, but after being snapped out of the trance we were previously in all of the heat and tension vanishes.

My face heats immediately and I want to go and die. What were we doing? Where were we going with that anyway? A peek at Luhan shows that his is just as embarrassed and thrown off by our actions.

“Um, we should uh…go to bed now.” I say timidly. He nods quickly and I attempt to stand up on my feet, but I’m still not as sober as I could be. My balance is still shot and even after the sobering feeling of almost getting caught doing something I shouldn’t have been doing, I determine that I’m still sufficiently tipsy. Luhan’s hand grabs mine and I look to where he is kneeling.

“Maybe you should, um stay down here.” He says tentatively. I tilt my head and his cheeks flame a brighter red. “You can’t make it up the stairs yourself, and I’m too drunk to help you. Just sleep down here.” He clarifies. I look at the stairs and then to the doe eyed boy.

My decision is made quickly.

I sit back on the ground and lie in the position that I was in before the whole um…thing just happened. He follows suit again, this time pulling me flush against his body and throwing his limbs around me. I’m turned in to his personal pillow and I smile in to his shirt. I snuggle closer to him and close my eyes.

I fall asleep almost immediately. Drunk and surrounded by 3 boys that I’ve begun to treasure more than myself. What better way is there to end a night?


	12. 10. Invading My Privacy

My body hurts.

My face especially hurts.

I groan as I push up off of the floor. I run my fingertips over my cheek to feel the carpet imprints. I was face planted on the carpet of the living room all night, and I have slob drying on my face.

I’m a disgusting creature.

The lights are too bright around me and I feel nauseous. I rub my eyes and squint around the living room. Empty. Not a single person is still here, and it was cleaned of last night’s mess. The only reminder that the party even happened being my hungover ass still sitting here on the ground. I place a hand to my matted hair and a yawn floats out of my mouth.

Where is everyone?           

I’m slightly sad that not even Tao was here with me. He didn’t even wake me up to make me move to my bedroom. _What a great friend_. I think sarcastically. I stand up and another wave of nausea washes over me. I shouldn’t have drunk last night.

I shouldn’t have drunk as much as I did at least.

My head throbs angrily from last night’s poor decisions, and my dry throat aches. I need water, and I need to clean myself up. Did I not drink any water before falling asleep? When did I even fall asleep? I definitely don’t remember lying down to rest. I drag myself to the kitchen for a glass of water, a bright yellow sticky sticks to the fridge catching my attention.

_Gone to handle some business in town. Go through your clothes and pick out your best outfit for the Queen._

_Xx Kris_

I rip the sticky off the stainless steel of the fridge and tuck it in the waistband of my black shorts. I have at least a month until I’m supposed to go to the castle. Why do I have to find an outfit so early on?

I pour a glass of water and pop a pain reliever (or 5, but I mean who’s counting?). I guess I’ll make breakfast today since it seems as though no one else has any intentions of doing so. I should see if the other two are still alive before I start cooking probably.

One set of stairs later, I find Luhan’s room empty. His bed is unmade and it’s kind of junky, but he isn’t there. It looks like he hasn’t been there since yesterday. I frown and go to Tao’s. He is sprawled out across his mattress deep in sleep. I shake his shoulder hard enough to wake him slightly. He groans, but I know that he is awake enough now and that he can respond.

“Do you want breakfast?”

“Mmm.” Alright, I’ll take that as a yes. I leave my friend to his slumber and softly shut his door behind me. I walk in to my room across from his and take off my clothes so that I can shower and change my outfit for the day. I lock my door behind me and grab a simple dress and some underwear.

I scream upon entering the bathroom.

I drop my clothes on the ground as a tattered girl looks wide eyed at me. She looks as startled by me as I do her. The skin from her jaw down to her collarbone are marred with discolored patches of skin. Each one dark and standing out against the previously unbruised skin. They look messily placed. No pattern to how they’ve appeared, but the intensity of their color prove to me that they had to be intentional, and that they’re only _worsening_. My hands shakily reach up to graze the spots on my skin that are visible on my reflection in the mirror. When I see that it isn’t just a figment of my imagination or a mirror illusion, I gasp.

“What…the fuck.” I stare hard in the mirror at what can only be hickeys and try to recall how this happened.

We drank. We played Never Have I Ever. Tao punched a lamp. I stared at myself in the mirror of the downstairs bathroom.

I fell asleep on the floor next to Luhan.

Where did these come from then? The rest of the evening is a blur, and it honestly hurts to put energy in trying to recall the events of last night.

I frown in frustration as I step into the glass shower. I scrub at my skin furiously hoping that the different color will wash away. When they don’t vanish, I know that I must have blacked out at some point. They aren’t going away, and I still can’t figure out their origin.

The water runs down my body as I sift through the booze influenced memories of last night. I attempt to separate what I know happened, from what I assume is a dream. There is no way that I met a talking giraffe last night, so that goes in to the dream pile. Even after thinking through the things I labeled as dreams that _could_ have happened last night nothing comes to surface as the reason behind my hickeys. With a huff I turn off the water. I towel off, dress, and head down the stairs to fix breakfast. Due to a last minute decision, I switch out the dress I had planned on wearing for a shirt that covers up a good amount of my marks.

I’d like to avoid interrogation until I know what happened myself.

I search through the cabinets of the kitchen and find the ingredients that I was looking for. A box of pancake mix and a half empty bag of chocolate chips. I pull out the waffle maker and make 3 large chocolate chip waffles. 1 and a half for each of us. I pull out some leftover cold cuts and pour two glasses of orange juice.

My stomach grumbles. The smell of the food makes me want to barf, but the thought of eating overpowers my nausea. I just have to go wake up Tao who is basically dead to the world in his room and then we can eat away our hangovers.

* * *

 

“I’m never drinking again…” Tao complains while forking the rest of his waffle in his mouth. I chuckle.

“You say that now, but I bet you 2 credits that you’ll drink next time there is alcohol around.”

“No I won’t. I’m not doing it ever again.”

“Well at least you feel slightly better than before after having eaten.”

“Yeah, _slightly_.”

“Stop complaining like you didn’t have fun last night, you big baby.”

“I never said that I didn’t have fun. I’m just saying that waking up and thinking that ‘hey you know what would be better than being awake right now? Shoving a screwdriver through my temples’ isn’t the first thought I like having in the morning.” I pat his shoulder sympathetically. “Anyway, what did you do after I fell asleep?” he asks. I laugh, good question. I bring my cup up to my mouth when a sudden memory resurfaces.

_I close the distance and press my lips to his softly. My skin feels like it’s vibrating and I feel like I’m being lifted in to the air. He presses back harder and I grab the front of his shirt to pull his body closer to my own. I feel like I’m floating and I have to use him to stay grounded._

_I have to stay grounded._

The OJ goes down the wrong pipe and I begin choking wildly. Tao pats my back as I sputter up juice.

“What happened? Are you okay?” he asks. I sit my cup down and cover my mouth shocked.

_We shouldn’t be this close._

_We shouldn’t be looking at each other like this._

_I shouldn’t be reacting this way._

_And I definitely should want to kiss him with my entire being._

I turn to Tao flabbergasted. He looks at me with wide and worried eyes. Do I tell him what happened? I move my hand away and open my mouth. He’ll flip out. I close my mouth. I can’t lie to him though. My mouth opens again. “Fucking hell, are you just gonna open and close your mouth for the next 20 minutes? What happened?” he asks agitated.

“I-…we…um…” I squint my eyes as I try to make sure that the flashbacks were real and not a dream. Tao appears extremely impatient. I fumble with my words, and scratch my neck anxiously. His eyes follow my hand and he grabs my wrist forcefully. “What are yo-” he pulls down the collar of my shirt to expose more of the angry blotches that had been half covered by my shirt.

“Are these hickeys?” he asks incredulously. I snatch my hand back and pull my shirt up so that it covers most of my bruises again. I lift my nose in to the air indignantly and cross my arms.

“It would appear so.” I say as if he has just asked a ridiculous question. I can’t defend why I feel as though this behavior is warranted, but I don’t need him acting crazy when I’m not sure myself if they actually are hickeys.

“When did these happen? Who gave you hickeys June?!” I uncross my arms and huff in annoyance.

“I don’t know.” I admit.  “I can’t remember how it happened. I can barely remember kissing him in the first place-” I close my mouth as more details than intended slip passed my lips. When Tao’s eyes widen further, I know that I made a mistake. “Shit.” I mentally face palm myself as Tao stands up from his chair. He gasps and places a hand over his chest dramatically.

“You kissed someone? Someone that wasn’t me?!” I roll my eyes and stand up as well. I grab our dishes and place them in to the dishwasher. He’s joking around again, and I’m not in the mood for his teasing. “Hey! Answer me. Who did you kiss?” he pesters. I groan in embarrassment. “Was it Kris? Did you kiss Kris? I swear it better not have been Kris.” I don’t answer him as I walk towards the staircase. He follows. “Was it Luhan? That fucking- was it him? He was drunk off his ass I wouldn’t be surprised…was it Luhan? Or was it Kris?” I flop on my bed and stare at the familiar ceiling. He perches himself cross-legged next to me. “Kris right?” I sigh. “Luhan then?” I turn my head and give him a defeated look. He gasps again and smacks my arm. “You made out with LUHAN?!?”

“Wow, please yell it a little louder I don’t think they heard you over in the _castle_.”

“I’m going to kill him. He took advantage of you and I’m going to kick his ass to Jupiter.”

“I…don’t think he took advantage of me.” I say slowly sifting through hazy moments from the night before. We’ve reached a point where I can confidently call Luhan my friend, and he wouldn’t take advantage of me. I wanted what happened to happen. I’m only upset that I can’t clearly remember it.

_God I want this._

_I want this so bad._

“He didn’t. Definitely not.” I say with more conviction.

“Okay well then it looks like I have to kill you.”

“Stop joking around.”

“I’m dead serious. I’m going to have to kill you. I might as well kill the both of you. How do you want to go? In your sleep or do you want a fighting chance?” He says. I laugh shortly and push my pillow against my face. Maybe I can suffocate myself. “Yah, stop. If anyone is going to suffocate you it’s going to be me.” He states. He yanks my pillow away and I whine and sit up.

“Give it back. Let me wallow in my embarrassment.” I make grabby hands for my pillow and Tao smiles while keeping it out of my reach. I give up and pout. “You know, you’re a fucking tree and this is entirely un-” He places a chaste kiss against my lips. “-fair.” I blink speechless and Tao smiles triumphantly.

“There. Now it’s fine.” He sits the pillow back in my lap delicately.

“Wha-”

“You know, you’ve gotten weirdly close to Kris and Luhan. It took you like 4 months to act this way around me.” He says while crossing his arms over his chest. It is true, but it’s his fault that I chose to open up faster here. I had him to assure me that it was okay. When we first met all I had was my own intuition, which was telling me that he was some guy who was going to kill me. “If he gets to kiss you,” he continues.  “, then I get to kiss you again too. If I have to share you then I should get the same treatment. I’m not going to get pushed to the backburner.” He informs me. “Don’t be weird about it.” He says pinching my cheek playfully. I stare at him confused and hit his hand away.

“But- you? And your crush? And wh-”

“There was no crush…well no new crush at least. I just…didn’t want everyone to know.” He says sheepishly. The gears in my head turn and I stare at him perplexed.

Ding.

I gasp and point to myself.

“Me?” I inquire open mouthed. He laughs and ruffles my hair.

“You’re really an idiot.” He teases.

“Yah, where did this come from? You can’t just kiss me and tell me to not be weird about it. When? Why? What?” My mind is moving a thousand miles a minute and with this sudden confession I’m floored trying to come up with a sensible thought. He likes me. And he kissed me. It’s been years since we last kissed, and just because I kissed another guy he decides to do it too? He rolls his eyes and flicks my forehead. I yelp in pain.

“I don’t know. I like you. I have for a while now. Why are you acting surprised? We dated, it just…didn’t go away.” He admits. I blink dumbly.

“So it wasn’t just me...” I mutter. He smiles at the statement, and claps his hands together loudly. I jump from the sound. “Now that we’re on the same page, and now that I know Luhan likes you too, what are you doing today?” he asks as if we didn’t just re-confess our initial feelings.

“Uh, I was going to find an outfit for my meeting with the Queen. Kris wants me to get it ready.” I say skeptically. Is he still drunk? He’s got to still be drunk.

“Oh! Let me help!” He says jumping up from my bed and running over to my closet.

What does this mean?

* * *

 

An hour later the living room is covered in my clothes and Tao and I are rolling around in hysterics. I can’t recall which of us suggested it, but the idea of dressing up as one another turned in to a reality. Tao’s hair is in a tiny ponytail, a skirt is barely covering the length of his boxers and he is wearing one of my shirts. It’s only slightly tight on him, the length is where the issue lies. Meanwhile, while he is in my clothes, I’m being swallowed by his. His jeans are too long and tight and every step I take is paired with a stumble. His shirt reaches to my thighs and I feel like one of those gang members that are in the old movies. With our talk earlier forgotten we’ve gone back to just being two friends who now have a mutual understanding of our emotions.

And of my muddled thoughts about Luhan.

We found my outfit for the visit to the castle long ago. A lavender dress that reaches my knees. The material is soft and skirt splays out. It was pretty, and Tao instructed that I wear white heels with it.

I have no clue how to walk in them, but I’ve got time to learn.

“Look at me, I’m Tao and I can do wushu.” I say trying to imitate his voice. I punch the air and try to do a high kick but almost fall flat on my face, the only thing between the floor and my face being my hands thankfully keeping me up. Tao points at me and guffaws. Fat tears roll down his face and he starts to wheeze.

He gasps for air and stands up. “Okay, okay. My turn.” He clears his throat and I watch expectantly. “I’m June,” he starts in a pitchy voice.

“I don’t sound like that!” I declare.

“I don’t sound like that!” he mimics. I cross my arms as Tao saunters around the room like a woman. The front door opens and closes, and Tao is too distracted by his own act that he doesn’t see Luhan enter the room. Tao fake flips his hair and Luhan stands in the doorway with a grin.

I burst in to another round of laughter and Tao stops long enough to sense the other male in the room. He covers his crotch area with his hands and looks back at Luhan in humiliation. He fumbles over his words; I stand up to save him.

“You should join us!” I suggest. “We have plenty for you to choose from.” I tell Luhan. He frowns as he holds up a skirt, and I watch him to see if he recalls what happened last night. He looks back at me unfazed by the request.

“No thanks.” He crosses his arms across his chest and the article of clothing flies across the room. “I don’t do drag.”

“Relax, it’s fun. We aren’t taking pictures or anything. You can drop the manly act for like 15 seconds.” Tao says with his hands now on his hips. I peak around the taller male and try to put on my sweetest face.

“Please?” I ask. I put my hands together and even dare to whimper. It’s cringe worthy, and I’ve _never_ resorted to such low tactics. Somehow, being here for as long as I have has changed me. For better or worse…I don’t know yet.

Luhan shakes his head. “No, I’m not doing this.” He says. I drop my act and a scowl takes the place of my pout.

“Grab him.”

Tao jumps in to action and tackles Luhan to the ground. I grab a loose yellow dress from the arm of the chair and jump Luhan as well despite his protests. He flails around while I strip him of his pants and pull the dress over his head. He kicks at me, and narrowly gets me right in the boob with the tip of his sneaker. I ignore the slight pain and continue my work. Tao cackles and I get his arms in before the both of us are ripped from him and float in the air a foot off the ground.

I look at the space between my feet and the carpet and gasp. A flashback of the orphanage hits me and I freeze in fright. Luhan notices my change in demeanor and swiftly sets the two of us back on the ground. I let out a breath and swallow the lump in my throat once I have control of my body again.

Luhan walks over and puts his hands on my shoulders. He looks directly in to my eyes. “Are you okay?” his gaze holds nothing but concern, and I begin to assume that he hasn’t remembered last night. My eyes flick towards Tao who is shrugging his shoulders and leaving me to deal with this on my own.

“Y-yeah.” I murmur. “I just…had a moment. A memory is all.” I assure him. “I’m fine.”

He searches my face a bit longer before nodding. His eyes roam down to my neck and the ghost of a smile appears for half a second. If I hadn’t been looking for it, I would have missed it. I slap a hand to cover my neck and pull away from his hands.

Satisfaction.

I could sense it as if was my own feeling. The bastard remembers, and he was proud of the fact that he fucked up my neck.

“Anyway,” Tao interrupts loudly. He smirks at Luhan. “You look precious.” The yellow dress is haphazardly draped on Luhan’s body, and his shirt sleeves are peeking under the arms of the dress rather awkwardly. His legs are hairy under the skirt of the dress, but overall he looks utterly adorable.

“Awwww!” I forget about my marks for the moment. I pinch both of his cheeks and make baby noises. Tao loses his shit once again and falls victim to another laughing fit. Luhan growls and escapes from my ministrations to go strangle Tao, but I jump in between them with a laugh and grab his cheeks again. I squish his face and pucker my lips. “Who’s the cutest wittle girl? You are. You are~ the cutest wittle girl I ever did see~” I coo. Luhan smacks my hands away and I snicker at how angry he is even though he is actually the cutest little girl. Something in his eyes change and my heart stutters at the sudden intensity they hold. He pulls me flush against his body. I yelp when our torsos collide. His hand is between my shoulder blades, and I was taken back by how much strength he actually had.

That fucking douchebag smirk that makes my heart do flips slides on his face again. “Funny how I can be dressed like a girl and still be the manliest person you’ve ever met.” He says. And honestly, with the way he’s holding me and looking at me, I have no words to deny that.

“Still here.” Tao says sassily. I push away from Luhan and take in slow breaths to slow my heartbeat. He winks and plops lazily on the cloth covered couch.  I cast a glance towards Tao and he whistles innocently with a secretive grin.

What is he planning?

I feel cornered and vulnerable so I decide to shift the focus elsewhere. “Where’s Kris?”

“He’s at the city center.” It isn’t either of their voices that responds. We all look around for the source of the answer and find Jongin strolling in to the living room. Where the bloody hell did he come from?

Oh wait, he’s magic. He can do that teleporting thing.

“He went to go find out when the interviews are.” Jongin finishes. I wouldn’t have believed that the boy could actually _talk_ had I not seen it with my own eyes. I was sure that he was mute. Luhan snorts “You really are denser than you look.” He says.

Whoops. Must have spoken aloud.

“Shut it Lulu.” At the nickname he flushes. Tao giggles and Luhan smacks the back of his head, hard. Jongin still avoids my eyes, but he isn’t looking at his feet like he did at first. It’s progress. “I’m assuming that the interviews are for the human girls?”

Jongin nods shyly and I find myself smiling at the cute behavior. It’s definitely a change from the almost abrasive personalities of the two I’ve spent every day with for more than a month now. I realize again that I still don’t know much about the men that I’ve found myself surrounded by. Not personally at least. I voice my concern telling them that I feel like it’s been all about me since I got here.

“Yeah okay we can have our little ‘heart to heart’ after I go change. I can’t sit comfortably in this, unless you want another peep show.” He says with a creepy grin.

“No thanks, creep. I wasn’t very impressed the first time.” I throw back. He stands up and stretches his arms out.

“I’m a grower, not a shower babe.” And with that he disappears up the stairs. I bite the inside of my cheek to repress my smile and fall into the spot on the couch Luhan recently occupied. Tao sits next to me and rests his hand on my thigh. I ignore the gesture and motion for Jongin to sit down on the other side of me. He hesitates but situates himself next to me with a good amount of space between us.

“So, Jongin. What can you tell me about yourself?” said boy shifts around uncomfortably. A sigh from Tao follows the silence.

“He’s been working under the Queen since he was like 4.” I wait for Jongin to respond but he only pouts. I chuckle quietly at the action.

“Do you have any hobbies or anything?” I prod. He hesitates before he nods.

“I like to dance.” I lean back in surprise. I wouldn’t have expected that of the nearly mute boy beside me.

“He’s a great dancer, but I’m definitely better.” The fluffy boy glares at Tao and I squeeze Jongin’s shoulder while completely turning my back on Tao. He complains but I brush it off.

“I’m sure you’re the better dancer. Dummy over here can fight, but I’ve never once seen him move his body in any other form.” I say jerking my thumb in Tao’s direction.

“You wouldn’t be saying that about Luh-” I smack my hand to his mouth to shut him up, his eyes crinkle in satisfaction. He obviously wanted the amount of attention given to him as I gave to Luhan not even 2 minutes ago, and is doing what he can to receive it. What a child. I didn’t even _initiate_ anything with Luhan just now.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Luhan comes jumping down the stairs and reenters the living room. “Get out of my spot.” He commands. Tao and Jongin look at me expectantly.

“No. You got up to change, that’s your fault.” I say briskly. At the mention of changing Tao looks down to his attire and yelps.

“Actually, I’m going to go change. You can have my spot, I forgot I was still in…this.” I can hear a quiet giggle from Jongin as Tao runs up the stairs. I suddenly remember that I’m also still in Tao’s clothes. As I stand up, Luhan sits down and grabs my arm. I’m yanked back down, now on his lap instead of the couch. His arms wrap around my abdomen and I’m locked in place.

My posture stiffens as another memory from last night resurfaces.

_I sit on his lap and grab a fist full of hair between my fingers as I try to take over as the dominate one in our little make out session._

Kill me.

Really.

I open my mouth to protest and tell him to let go, but the words don’t come. He nuzzles in to my back. I squirm uncomfortably from the way it tickles. “Relax babe.” He says.

“When I said I wanted you all to be comfortable around me, I didn’t mean like this, _Luhan_.” I warn as his grip tightens. He shrugs and I send a ‘save me’ look to Jongin. The taller boy smiles faintly before he shrugs as well.

“He’s my elder.” Is his response.

“If I’m not saved then he won’t be a _he_ any longer. We’ll have one more girl in this fucking house.” I threaten. I can feel as well as hear Luhan laughing at my empty threat. The sound of the front door opening startles all of us, and Luhan’s grip loosens just enough for me to escape. I run towards the door.

“Kris!” I exclaim happily. He tilts his head to the side as if to ask what I want. What did I want? Why did I run to the door?

“Yes?” he asks with a grin.

“Um.” I honestly didn’t have anything to say. I was just overly excited I guess. His smile widens and he struts over to ruffle my hair. I push his hand away and walk back to the living room. I can hear his laughter behind me. Way to act like an excited puppy. Great job. Such composure.

I sit on the rug next to Jongin’s feet in order to avoid another physical interaction with Luhan. He nudges me with his foot but I ignore it.

“I have good news,” Kris begins from his seat in the chair across from us. He pushes some of the clothes on the floor. We all listen to him readily. “, you’ll be visiting the Queen in 2 months. You along with others will be sent to be inspected, and then those who pass the first round will be called back to actually meet the Queen. You’ll only be dealing with some of her advisors when you go the first time.”

“What if I don’t make it to the next round?”

“You will. Trust me.” Kris looks sure of himself, so I nod to let him know that I believe him. “Until then, Luhan will train you.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

“It means that he’ll be teaching and showing you how to behave in the castle, how to interact with others. How to survive in our world.” Kris informs me.

“Will you be helping?” I ask. He shakes his head.

“I’ll help every once in a while, but it’ll mainly be Luhan who you’ll work with.”

2 months of one on one time with Luhan. I can’t do it. “I’ll only do it if Jongin shows up as an assistant.” I declare. Tao returns at that moment and asks, “Why not me?” I roll my eyes and continue to look at Kris. “I want Jongin there to help.” I tell him adamantly. I can’t deal with hours of Luhan bossing me around when there is already this tension around us after the “party”.

Kris and Jongin share a look. “Do you want to? Is that fine with you?” he asks the younger.

“Um, sure. I’ll come if I can sneak out.” Jongin answers sounding as if he is surprised I even proposed the idea.

“What? How did this turn in to a team thing? I’m supposed to be the teacher!” Kris stands up ignoring Luhan’s protests. His smile shows that he’s proud of my initiative. If only he knew it wasn’t initiative. I just can’t be alone with Luhan sober; I don’t trust either of us alone with one another. Said male stands up and sulks off muttering something about planning the lessons.

Tao finally sits down in front of the TV, going to work hooking up what looks like a video game system. I stand up just to sit back on the couch next to Jongin, ignoring my previous thoughts of changing. He tenses but I continue on with what I need to address.

“So, mind explaining to me why you were watching me sleep the other day?” I whisper. His head snaps to face me and he makes eye contact for a split second before he looks away and sputters out an excuse. I wait patiently for him to find the right words.

He inhales deeply before he admits, “I’d just…hadn’t been able to see a human girl so close before. There were stories that you guys turned in to your true demon form when you went to sleep.” I bite my lip to keep from laughing at the preposterous theory and it makes me want to know what exactly happens in the castle for these stories to form. But I bite my tongue so as not to invade his privacy. I chose instead to smile when he apologizes.

“It’s fine. As long as you weren’t creeping and jerking off or something to me sleeping, it’s no problem.” He looks at me utterly confused. “You don’t know what jerking off is?” I ask. I grab both of his shoulders and turn his body so that he is fully facing me. In my seriousness he doesn’t realize that he is looking directly in my eyes, but I notice. “You see, when a man is lonely and is having…urges, he will you know…yank the chain, choke the chicken, beat his meat. Masturbate?” I whisper so that Tao won’t overhear. When no sign of recognition flashes in his eyes I gasp dramatically. I pull him to me and press his face to my chest. I let out a small fake cry and then coo at the pure boy.

He must be protected. Such a precious and delicate flower that is too pure for this horrible world. I let go of him and his puppy like eyes are even more confused than before. I ruffle his hair affectionately. “You’re so cute and innocent.” His cheeks darken and he looks away again, this time in embarrassment. Across the room Tao has finally finished fixing the system and begins to motion us over.

“There’s only 2 controllers, and I’m playing so who wants the other?” he asks. I take it and hand it to Jongin.

“I’d rather just watch for now.” I explain when I’m given yet another puzzled look from the boy.

“What were you two whispering about over there?” Tao prods while choosing a difficulty level and starting the game. I instead turn the question back to him.

“How often do you masturbate Tao?” He pauses the game immediately and turns to face me mouth agape.

“How could you ask something like that? What kind of sick world do you live in to ask someone about their private business? Who do you think you are? You’re sick.” He doesn’t answer the question, but he also doesn’t question Jongin or me about our conversation again.


	13. 11. Teardrops and Raindrops

A week passes of Luhan trying to help me turn into the model human. I am going to be transformed into the perfect little person for a Queen to possess and own. The ideal China doll for a woman of her stature to play around with. From an ugly duckling, to a graceful swan. I doubt that this’ll be very successful; I think that all of his efforts thus far are going straight to waste. We’d been working on this for hours today already, and it feels like the only thing I’ve managed to achieve is sufficiently frustrate both him and myself.

And not in the good way.

Our lessons have been blocked off to occur from 6am to 6pm. 12 hours of nearly nonstop time with teacher Luhan. We dress in our everyday clothes, nothing special, and most of our time is spent outside. I was informed that I will almost never actually be outside if I get chosen, but its “better to prepare for the unexpected”. By getting use to the worst conditions, I’d be better prepared for the better ones.

Sounds like a load of bologna to me.

My lessons would be broken in to 2 parts. Posture and then Behavior. Saying it was 2 parts, was stupid to me. It was more Behavior, and then a small section of posture.

General posture.

General behavior around Gaia and Charmers in public.

Behavior in private with a Gaia.          

Behavior in private with a Charmer

Behavior in private with male humans.

Behavior in private around other female humans.

Behavior when in the presence of the Queen.

We would go in depth on behavior since that was most important. In order to fit in, I had to treat each person the way that I am taught. That will take the longest, but for right now, I have to get passed the Gods forsaken posture portion.

“You stand like a caveman.” We stand in the sun, working on my lessons. “You need to stand like a ballerina. Stand like you’re important.” Luhan commands. I huff and cross my arms over my chest. I hold my chin high and arch my back. My legs were spread and I felt securely grounded, but like a complete and utter idiot. Nothing like a ballerina.

But this is how I’ve seen ‘important’ people stand. He grimaces at my stance and has the audacity to scoff out a laugh. “Are you trying to be cute right now?” he asks. I stop my impending pout and quickly catch myself. I’m not trying to be cute, because I’m not cute.

I am the night.

I am to be feared.

I am darkness incarnate.

“I don’t know how people _look_ important. That’s what you’re supposed to be teaching me right now, and you’re doing a piss poor job if I do say so myself.” I grumble. Letting me pose stupidly while making snide comments isn’t teaching me anything.

“Okay, let’s start over. Get in your natural neutral position.”

I huff again, let my arms hang at my side, and bring my feet in. This whole thing is making me feel stiff and anxious. How the fuck do you stand like you’re important? That makes no sense. Luhan steps behind me and places his hands on my shoulders. “Roll them back.” I relax at his touch and do as he instructs. “Make an ‘L’ with your hand, and use it to lift up your head.” I stick my L to my neck and it makes me raise my head, this time a lot lower than where I was lifting it before. His hands go to rest on my ribcage and my lower back. “Lift up, but don’t forcefully arch your back.” I straighten my back as he keeps me from lifting my chest too much or poking my butt out.

His hands make their way to my hips and suddenly I can’t remember how to breathe. “Tuck in your butt.” He murmurs.

He’s too close again.

My clothes are already sticking to my back, saturated in my own sweat thanks to the brutal beams of the sun. I already feel hot from the searing weather, and yet another heat scorches through me internally. I can feel his breath ghosting across my neck and I lose my ability to simultaneously think and breathe. His hands slide under my shirt and the pads of his thumbs rub against the skin of my love handles as he leans in further; my nerves go haywire from the small action. My eyes close at his soft touch. His lips brush against the outer shell of my ear and his name breathily escapes from my lips.

“June.” I grab one of his hands at the sound of my name and guide it to the top of my jeans.  “June…” He hesitates at the top of the material and I squeeze it reassuringly. I want this. His delicate hand slides under the elastic of my underwear to where I want it most. “JUNE!”

I wake in my bed startled. My eyes fly open only to be greeted with the sight of Luhan’s face not even 3 inches away from my own. Said boy is staring intensely; my heart is still pounding from my dream, and my body is alarmed at realizing that my imagination created the situation that I thought I was in.

“I’ve been calling your name for like 5 minutes.” He says watchfully. I take my hands and shove him out of my face so that I can sit up. He continues to stare at me, and I feel a confusing mix of embarrassment and smugness. Where is this smug feeling coming from?

“Go. I need to change for training.” Luhan nods and makes it all the way to the door before he turns around with a shit eating grin.

“Did you know that you talk in your sleep?” he questions.

Fuck. My eyes widen and his grin gets even wider as he mimics my voice pathetically whimpering his name. I grab my pillow and chuck it as hard as I can at his head. He stops it midair without lifting a finger and it falls with a dull thud to his feet. Laughing loudly, he leaves. I groan and fall back on my mattress. This is going to be a long training period.

* * *

 

Luhan and I stand in the backyard and commence our training. Luckily, my embarrassing morning isn’t brought up during practice. While the latter half of my dream was nothing but that, a dream, the first part was based on true events. Our lesson from 2 days ago to be more accurate. It was a struggle trying to find a pose that didn’t make me feel like an idiot, but yesterday we had made some progress.

Today I’ve finally got a hang of how to stand intimidatingly. We decided that important was a poor word for me to relate to, so he told me to look intimidating without crossing my arms over my chest. One hand sits on my hip and the other hangs loosely at my side. My head is tilted ever so slightly and I sit in my hip. My face is level with his and I adorn the blank face that I wore daily in the 3rd ring.

“Whoa. You actually look scary.” I give him a brief smirk before frowning again. If I have to do this, then I better commit. The pose feels weirdly fitting, and I feel like with just a look I could shut down anything. I feel powerful.

Mean.

But powerful.

“Now stand like that for the next hour.”

“What?!” I drop my arm and look at him angrily. He smiles innocently and squints at the sky.

“Muscle memory. If you stand here long enough, you’ll be able to easily remember this stance. Now, get back in position and stand there.” I scowl but resituate myself. It takes me a few minutes to rediscover my position, but when I do I glare straight at Luhan. He sits in a lawn chair across from me and I send him my deadliest looks while his tablet soars over to him. He begins to read in silence.

What an asshole.

* * *

 

I stand as I’m told for the whole fucking hour, and my shirt is soaked in my own sweat. I should have taken my shirt off beforehand. Being in just an athletic bra would have made this less unbearable. Luhan’s tablet rings. “Time’s up.” He tells me. I groan and let my body collapse on the ground. All of my muscles have turned to jelly and just the thought of standing back up makes my body scream in protest. Who would have thought that just standing still would cause me so much physical strain?

I stare up at the sun frustrated. Why does it have to be so hot and why do I have to be out here right now? Maybe I should call this whole thing off. I don’t even need to go to the castle. I’ll just live in the woods or something. I can find another human village and maybe they’ll take me in. Who needs equality anyway?

Brushing off my thoughts, I take off my shirt, and let the late September wind blow against the sweat on my body. “I’m tired, so let’s take a small break. 30 minutes, and then we’re back here again.” He stands up from his chair and stands over me. “Did you hear me?” my head rolls in his direction and I glare at him again.

“Yes, I heard you. _You_ are tired. 30 minutes. I’ll be here.”  I say snippily. He smiles before walking off. I sit up and reach for the pitcher of water that was placed by Luhan’s chair. I need to replenish the liquid that evaporated from my body. The air shifts and suddenly Jongin is standing right next to the spot that I was pulling away from. My arm flinches when I scream, and I spill all of the water into the grass.

At least it’s going towards a good cause I guess.

I place a wet hand to my erratic heart and the boy smiles apologetically. “Sorry, I forgot you aren’t use to…us.” He says. I shake my head, rejecting his misconception.

“No that’s not it. You just appeared out of nowhere. I wasn’t expecting it.” I assure him. This is the first time that Jongin has shown up for lessons, and I was beginning to think that he wasn’t going to come. He had no obligation to after all. His arrival just startled me, I was…use to the fact that he could teleport by now. He looks around the yard in search of, I assume, Luhan. “We’re taking a half hour break. Here sit with me.” I pat the area in front of me after explaining the temporary absence of the other male. He looks towards the wet spot momentarily and situates himself a foot from it. I scoot closer to him.

“So, um…what have you learned so far?” he asks hesitantly. I groan at the mention of my lessons. My body throbs in reminder of the hour I just spent standing.

“Nothing. I’ve learned how to stand here and pretend that I’m not dying from the inside out.” He smiles at the exaggeration. “I’m like 5 seconds away from kicking him in the jaw.” I admit. “He’s torturing me.”

“You’ll be okay, I believe in you.” I blink shocked after his encouraging comment, he smiles briefly before looking away.

I’m proud of how much progress we’ve made. From not talking at all to having simple conversation. He even attempts to look me in the eyes. It never lasts long, but I can tell how much effort he’s putting in, in order to be comfortable around me. It makes me want to try even harder as well.

“How are you doing?” I ask hoping that I haven’t crossed one of our unspoken boundaries. We’re on the way to casual friendliness, but we still have stories that we aren’t ready to tell one another. I respect his privacy, and he’s made no attempt to invade mine.

Well besides the time he came into my room. But that was excusable.

He shrugs his shoulders and utters a simple, “Same as usual.”

That wasn’t much. Even less than I’d hoped.

But I’m not going to press him for information. Luhan comes strolling out of the house and brightens when he sees the younger boy. It’s obvious that he cares for the other male. Jongin stands and the two chat, leaving me to sit and enjoy the last few minutes of my break.

Jongin stays for an hour to help. We spend it trying to perfect my neutral position. When Luhan gets either too brutal with his demands, or too touchy with his hands, Jongin is there to call him out.

It’s strange, having Luhan as a teacher. While “teaching” Luhan is actually fairly professional. He doesn’t flirt at any given second during our lessons, and he never brings up unrelated subjects. While that’s nice, it’s important to know that he’s a hard ass. His method of training involves a lot of what he calls ‘tough love’. Mainly meaning him being brutally honest, making me suffer physical labor, and occasionally hurting my feelings. It sucks.

When Jongin leaves, my spirit goes with him. It’s as if having him around provided me with just a bit more energy to carry on. His absence saddens me and I begin to dread the rest of this session. Luhan seems to sense my sudden drop in mood and gives me a two-hour break to nap, eat, whatever.

I definitely use that time to sleep.

The day goes on with him tweaking and critiquing my stance, and if I have to hear one more thing about the way I stand from him today, I might just snap. Standing like this is hard, I feel exposed and open to attacks, but I understand why he’s making me do this. He knows what my default position is. We both know that I would be caught immediately with my normally hunched and closed off stance. And if I go in, my go to stance needs to be this new one.

That doesn’t make me want to punch him any less though.

More days pass like this, and I lose track of just how long I’ve been going to these session. Every day I wake up at the butt crack of dawn. Train with Luhan for 184 hours. Having him break me down just rebuild me as a new person. Sometimes having Jongin show up and me chatting with him. Him becoming less wary around me. Me falling asleep at night usually forgetting to eat.

The whole process was extremely draining.

* * *

The weather today is terrible.

The skies are dark, the usually bright sun hidden behind somber grey clouds. The rain falls in a heavy rhythmic pattern that is surprisingly soothing. The occasional flash of lighting paired with its thunder would sporadically resound through the sky. Together it all made the atmosphere very solemn, but I was loving it.

There was a mutual understanding that there would be no training today. I woke around noon to find everyone still home, and congregated in the living room with their tablets. Trying to get them to do something besides burn out their eyes from staring too long at the illuminated screens, I voiced my own desire to have a movie day. Let’s instead burn out our eyes together looking at a larger screen. It’s been a while since I last saw a movie, and with this weather, curling up on the couch sounds heavenly.

And they all complied. Some (*coughs* Tao) more reluctantly than others.

Kris popped popcorn, Luhan and I shared a blanket on one of the couches and Tao lied on the ground in front of us. Even with the boom of the thunder shaking the very foundation of the house, we were all relaxed. We went around the room choosing what movies to watch.

Luhan chose some obscure action movies.

Kris wanted to watch a superhero…or antihero movie called _Deadpool_ and then totally switched it up by following that suggestion with _Barbie’s Swan Lake_.

Tao chose a sad time-period flick and then some musical about a witch and a house that fell on top of her. There was something about some shoes and tiny people.

I went with a random scary movie that caught my attention. Then looking through the movie collection, I saw what looked like it would be a comedy but turned out to be a sad romance movie. Even though I was mistaken by the genre, it was still a pretty good film.

The day passes by leisurely, and the four of us comfortably watch movies in the company of one another while the sky wept above us. At some point Luhan is kicked off the couch, and Kris and Tao decide to flank me on either side. It was a tight fit, but the body warmth from the men was welcome.

At midnight we all call it a night, or rather I call it a night and they agree. I physically can’t stay up too late after all of the recent early wakeup calls. I had been dozing off while the last movie (that I had chosen) played. Before I got too far up the stairs Luhan told me that we would practice tomorrow regardless of the weather. I waved him off and with a goodnight to the others, retreated to my room.

We didn’t do anything, but I was exhausted. Yeah, it was fun just relaxing and watching movies with the guys, but sleeping is more fun. At least in my book it is.

I prepared for bed, my room illuminated now only by the dull artificial light of my bedside lamp. It’s quite an ugly lamp. I regretted breaking the first one I had that first day I met Kris and Luhan.

Even in the dark of the night, the storm continues on. The raindrops rhythmically fall against the roof, windows, and ground creating soft music around the house. I’ve always loved the rain. There’s something about watching the droplets fall from the sky that’s just absolutely hypnotizing and, dare I say, romantic. Watching the rain has always been my thing. Watching it in silence and letting the pitter patter of the drops serve as my only source of sound is something I can only enjoy in solitude. I can get lost in my thoughts and imagination. I don’t have to do anything but let my mind wander while letting the water droplets race to the ground.

I’m only slight sad that I couldn’t watching it today, but it isn’t too bothersome. Being inside with others is more enjoyable when it rains as well. Luckily the shower has continued for as long as it has and can lull me to sleep.

I’m tucked in ready to go to sleep for the night. Already I can feel the dread at having to go back to training after the break. Breaks are honestly addictive. Pushing the worries and apprehension towards tomorrow away, I reach across my bed to turn off the last little light in my room.

At least I was, until _he_ appeared.

Out of the blue, the boy was standing in the middle of my bedroom. The exhaustion and calm that had begun to settle in my body evaporates in mere milliseconds.

My arm drops from its reach towards the lamp, and along with it my mouth. His clothes are ridiculously drenched, his body shaking, and he is seemingly…crying. My mouth snaps closed and I scramble off my bed in a state of panic. A hundred and one questions race through my mind as I try to make sense of the situation. _What is going on right now?_

“Jongin?”

Upon closer inspection I can see that he is in fact in tears, and his shaking is too violent and too silent to be a result of solely the wet clothes. He looks… traumatized. The questions begin to spill from my mouth involuntarily as my alarmed concern for the boy grows.

“Jongin, what happened? Oh God. Why are you wet? Were you out in the rain? How long were you out there? WHY were you out there? Why are you here?!” My mind is all over the place and my hands fly around as if they can grasp an answer from the air. I don’t know what to do. Should I get Kris?

I should go get Kris.

“I’m going to go get Kris.” I tell him. The taller man will know what to do. This is way above my paygrade.  

A step towards the door is all that I’m able to make before I’m yanked back and Jongin squishes me in the cold embrace of his arms. The squelch from the collision of our bodies is loud. The wet fabric of his clothes dampen my own, and I shiver at the new and uncomfortable feeling. He feels cold.

Too cold.

Another flood of astonishment washes over me. This is the first time that he has _ever_ initiated any kind of physical interaction with me. We have gotten more comfortable around one another, but this is more something I would do rather than him. Something terrible must have happened. Lost in my thoughts it takes me a moment to realize that he isn’t moving, as if he is waiting for me to react.

After the initial shock passes at having being thrown into this situation all of the sudden, I hug him back tightly. My arms wrap around his waist as tightly as they can, and it’s like something finally breaks in him.

He cries harder.

What were once silent tears and gentle trembling turns into violent sobs that shake both of our bodies. I say nothing but rub his back and let him cry in to my shoulder. I feel entirely shaken up by this sudden encounter. The wet clothes against my own, his cold body contrasting mine, his sudden display of emotion all of it is entirely _too much_ for me to process properly.

A few moments pass and his sobs become significantly less intense. Taking that as a signal that I should let him go, I pull away from his arms hesitantly. I’m able to detach myself from his body, but his grip only moves from around my back to my arms. He clutches them to keep me from moving too far away, but enough for me to be able to take a step back to look at him.

“You need to get out of these clothes.” I murmur cautiously. He hiccups. Since he isn’t saying anything to protest I take that as the go ahead to guide him to my bathroom. I put down my toilet cover and sit Jongin on it while I turn on the water so he can take a hot shower. He sniffles pitifully, and I kneel down to look at him. “I’m going to go get you some clothes, I want you to take a warm shower.” I say slowly hoping to mask the tremor in my own voice. I stand up but he swiftly grabs my wrist.

“D-Don- I- Don’t-” he mutters around quiet sniffles. _Don’t leave me here._ I understand his request even though he doesn’t verbally complete it. I caress his hand with my free one and look him directly in the eyes.

“I’m coming right back. I won’t be gone long.” His teary eyes water further and don’t break our eye contact. “I promise. I won’t leave you here for long.” I assure him. He searches my face and I stare back unmoving. I don’t know what he’s looking for, but I’ll let him do it for as long as he needs.

He takes in a shaky breath but finally releases his grip so that I can slide my hand out of his. We look at each other for a second more before I try to leave the bathroom without appearing as frantic as I feel. As soon as I close the door I sprint directly into Tao’s room.

“Don’t ask me any questions, give me your pajamas.” I demand as soon as I’m through the doorway. He looks up from going through his clothing drawer to my frazzled appearance and tosses me a pair of bottoms and a top without hesitation. “I need underwear too.”

“What-”

“I’ll explain later.” He hesitates before closing and opening another drawer. I’m thrown a pair of briefs and I thank him before running back into my own room. I’ll try to explain myself tomorrow.

I don’t know what happened, or why he chose to appear in my room. However, I can only assume he doesn’t want the others to know. I lock my bedroom door, and with a deep breath I turn around and walk over to the bathroom. I can hear the water still steadily running, and it sounds like he’s in there…that’s good.

I knock on the door and wait for the sound of the water to turn off. The door opens slowly and the top half of the boy appears. A large cloud of steam escapes from the room. His hair is sticking up at different angles and he looks slick with the warm water. I hand him the clothes I gathered and he closes the door after taking them.

I sit on my bed and chew on my thumbnail nervously. Thunder cracks in the distance. The rain falls harder.  

His eyes are still just as puffy as when I’d left him. He seems absolutely broken. He looks like he just witnessed his own death.

Maybe he did.

The door creaks open and I turn my full attention back to the boy who showed up in my room unannounced. Tao’s clothes fit him better than I anticipated, and he looks at least 5 years younger standing in the doorframe of the bathroom in the new clothes. I stand up abruptly and he looks down at his interlocked fingers.

Ashamed.

He looks ashamed.

“I- I’m uh sor-”

“It’s fine.”

Silence.

“Can I…um sle-”

“Of course.” I respond without hesitation, answering his unfinished request. He looks at me thankfully. He crosses the room and starts to set up a spot to sleep on the floor beside my bed. “Don’t be stupid.” I say getting under my covers. His actions halt. “Get up here. I’m not letting you sleep on the floor like that.” I hold my comforter up so that he can crawl in next to me.

I’d rather he be up here within arm’s reach than on that hard floor. The command might have been more for my own sanity than his, but I refuse to sleep with him out of my immediate reach and sight. I know how badly he needs comfort right now, even if he can’t ask for it himself.

When he makes no move to crawl up, I flap the blanket. He stands up and finally slides in the bed next to me. I turn off my lamp, leaving us in partial darkness. We lie there facing one another, our faces occasionally illuminated by the moonlight breaking through the thick rainclouds.

This situation feels weirdly familiar.

“You should get some rest.” I tell him.

“I should.” He confirms. We continue staring at each other in the darkness.

“You can’t do that if you’re looking at me.”

“I know.”

More silent staring.

I take my hand from its position under my pillow and lie it palm up between us. When he doesn’t grab it I nudge it against his shoulder. _Grab my hand you dummy_.

He waits, but eventually places his own cold hand in mine. I let his palm sap away my body’s heat. He smiles softly and I grin back before closing my eyes and snuggling further into my blankets. This is nice. This is good.

“Goodnight Jongin.” I yawn out.

“…goodnight…June.”

I fall asleep holding his hand with a smile.


	14. 12. It's A Date

Luhan enters my room surprised to see me already awake and dressed for today’s lesson. I stare back just as surprised as he is, I would usually never wake up this early on my own.

Until today at least.

I woke up hoping that I’d be awake before Jongin, but of course I wasn’t. When I opened my eyes, my bed was empty of the other body, and my hand was lying there holding nothing but the air. So I woke up feeling somewhat dejected first thing this morning. I wanted to find out what had happened, yet the boy was still faster and managed to leave without me knowing.

Just as fast and silent as when he arrived.

“You were awake early.” Luhan says as we stand in the moist grass of the yard.

“Mm.” I hum in agreeance. He casts me a look, but thankfully drops the subject. I don’t need another person to explain myself to. Now, we get to move on to our next lesson. Behavior in public.

“Today, I have decided that you have passed your first lesson of posture. We will now move on to the next lesson.” He says as he circles me, his hands clasped behind his back. I stand with my hand propped on my hip and stare into space bored. My choreographed position, showing an accurate depiction of my feelings this morning.

Looks like the posture torture paid off.

“This lesson will be rarely used, but it is probably one of the most important. How you carry yourself around a mixture of people in public will dictate all they need to know about your status. Which is?” he inquires.

“That I am the beginning. I am the ultimate. I am one of the first beings on Earth and they are beneath me. I am to be respected. I am woman.” I reply mechanically. He nods and continues to leisurely walk around me.

“Keep that in mind. As a human woman you are in fact what both man and the Gaia came from. You are the most valuable thing on the planet.” He says. I nod in confirmation. “Now, the Gaia attend school and they are aware of social status since it is taught to them from a young age; however, if you don’t prove to them that you are important, they _will_ walk over you.” He stops in front of me. “That being said, you still have to greet and address them respectfully. They are more powerful than you, and they outnumber you so they can and will kill you if given enough reason.”

“How do you know all of this?”

“I worked closely with the Queen and she liked to teach some of her Charmers things from time to time.” He says. I open my mouth to ask another question, but he starts to pace and talk again, thoroughly cutting me off. “If you don’t treat other humans and Charmers the way that the Gaia deem acceptable then you are no better off. You are _weak_ and you won’t survive if you come off that way. Since you can’t fight very well, you’re too emotional, and you aren’t very bright, the only thing you have to prove yourself as a person of power is your attitude.” I frown at the statement. Ouch. He smiles. “No offense. You and I both know you can’t truly deny it though.” He says.

He’s right, as much as it hurts to hear from him. I’m not a fighting master, I only know a couple of offensive and defensive tricks, and they aren’t fool proof either. Against someone else with the slightest training I’d be helpless. I never went to school passed the age of 10 and I know nothing about this world, so in terms of smarts…I’m also fairly pathetic.

I pout and Luhan stops in front of me again. “Hey, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, but this is what I’m talking about. You can’t let your emotions show, or let them cloud over your decisions. When you’re in there, you’re surrounded by people who want to break you down. You have to be able to show that they neither intimidate you, nor affect you.” I sigh and put my blank face back on. “Good.” He praises. “Luckily, we can use your heart and attitude to our advantage.”

“How so?”

“When someone tests you, all you need to do is reply the way that you did at dinner that first night.” Ah yes, our first dinner. The night I was an asshole and hatefully said whatever was on my mind.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I mutter. He stops pacing again.

“Why not?”

“I was…mean. And angry. I said whatever came to my head because I was defensive around you all, and it wasn’t nice. I couldn’t control what came out of my mouth. I don’t think it’s a good idea to do that.” I admit.

“Great self-observation. However, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you have to be that way within the castle. You aren’t like them, and unlike us, they want to see you fuck up. They want a reason to kick you out. They want a reason for the Queen’s new pet to have to leave.” My jaw clenches at being called a pet. “You can’t speak without thinking, that’s true. That part will have to go; however, if you are talked to, you need to come off as composed but harsh. Break them before they get the chance to break you.”

It’s all a bit much to absorb. He _wants_ me to be a douche? It’s not like it will be hard, after all I’ve met the type of people the Gaia are and they aren’t people who I want to be nice to. Even with this knowledge it seems dangerous to go in all high and mighty when they can still _kill me_. I’ve never had to intentionally try and hurt someone’s feelings.

I don’t like the feeling of people fearing me.

Gaia or not.

“I can tell that you’re apprehensive, but once you’re inside I can assure you that you will understand why I am saying what I’m saying.” I look at him sadly but nod in understanding. “When you have to talk to a Gaia around others, I just want you to remember 3 words.”

“Okay?”

“Blunt, feisty, and collected.” I tilt my head in confusion. He rolls his eyes. “Keep it blunt. Don’t say more than you need to. Keep it feisty. Give them attitude, make yourself sound intimidating. Keep it collected. Don’t spout off whatever you want, you need to be calm when you address them. You still have to be respectful.”

“Am I supposed to act like this around the Queen too?” I ask nervously. I can’t imagine how that would go down if I address her in the same way I am to address everyone else.

“No, of course not.” He laughs. I glare at him. “You are to be respectful to the Queen at all times. Full sentences, proper language, never make eye contact, etc. We’ll discuss her more at a later lesson.”

“What exactly was your job in the castle?” I ask unconsciously. His amount of knowledge is too much to just have been a servant or whatever. His eyes darken slightly, and I suddenly regret bringing it up. I was thinking about all of what he said and I was starting to get frustrated with the different things I have to keep in mind. I flush and drop my arm embarrassed. “I-I I’m sorry. It just slipped out and y-you don’t have to tell me I di-”

“No.” he says sharply. I close my mouth immediately. “It’s fine. You’ve probably been dying to know right?” he asks with an eerily emotionless smile. He sits on the wet grass and I follow suit. He rakes a hand through his hair. After letting out a deep breath he faces me again. “I didn’t stop working, I still work in the castle.” He starts. “I only stopped being full-time.”

I don’t understand what that means and by his reaction I knew that it showed on my face. He sighs in frustration as he attempts to explain the situation to me. I can only assume how difficult it must be to try and explain all of this to someone who has no clue how it works.

“Okay, Charmers can be sold and traded by their mothers up until they turn 22. If you aren’t given up by then, you’re a free person. You don’t have to work as any Gaia’s servant after 22 unless you’d been sold to them before that age. Even though some of us aren’t given up, most of us still end up working for them regardless. We have to make a living somehow.

“My mom sold me to the castle when I really young, and I’d worked there every day of my life until I turned 20. The Queen decided that I’d proved my…obedience and she allowed me to move out. To have a life outside of what I’d grown up doing. I still have to go back when summoned, but I’m more of a special occasion worker now.”

“That’s why you stay here with Kris then?” I question tentatively. He nods.

“I paid my dues, and I’m one of the few to be granted at least this much freedom from their duties.” His gaze gets distant and I can tell that there is more to the story than he is willing to tell. My heart goes out to him, but I for one know that I wouldn’t want to have to relive my past just because someone got curious. Even so, my bitch ass asks on.

“Did you meet any other human girls while you…you know worked there?” He blinks and looks back at me.

“Yes…I met one other. I was appointed as one of her personal servants, I only worked for her for about a year before she died. She had two of us. Me and Sehun. He belonged to her first and I only helped after she caught the Seven. I left a year after that.”

“What’s the Seven?” I press on.

“That, is a story for another day.” He says with a pained smile and poke to my arm. I’m curious as to what happened to the other girl, and why Luhan looks so affected by both her and this Seven thing. He seems tense though, and I don’t want him to have to talk about it anymore if it’s really that uncomfortable. I stand up and bring a hand to the damp back of my pants. Lovely.

“Well then, let’s get back to training. Won’t learn anything sitting here chit chatting.” I announce looking down at him. I hold out my hand and as he looks up at me I can feel his walls going back up. The stories and thoughts lock themselves away and he plasters on a smile. As convincing as it may be, I can somehow see the hurt that he hides under it. He takes my hand and I help him stand up. I feel there won’t be many more ‘heart to hearts’ in the future.

* * *

 

Jongin shows up 15 minutes before our first break, and 6 hours after Luhan and my talk. As soon as the word break leaves Luhan’s mouth I jog over to Jongin and throw my arms around him. He stumbles back a bit from the impact, and surprisingly he hugs me back immediately.

“Are you feeling better?” I ask as I pull away.

His eyes are dark and tired when he replies with a simple “Yes.” I’m unconvinced, but his unassuming smile is enough to make me drop the topic for the time being. My mind begins to whirl with things I want to ask him. Luhan’s arm slings around my shoulder and he guides me back a step so that neither Jongin nor I are touching.

I hadn’t even realized that I didn’t let go.

“Since Jongin is here, let’s get back to it so we can finish early.” Luhan suggests looking at me. I groan internally, but just shrug and don’t complain as Luhan drags me back to our worn little patch of grass. We move on to behavior around Charmers in public. I don my neutral position and Luhan tells me that I can cross my arms around Charmers if I want.

I don’t.

When I don’t move, Luhan physically starts to alter my position so that it’s at least slightly different. His hands linger slightly too long on my torso and Jongin coughs loudly. I can feel my face heating. Luhan awkwardly shuffles away and I release a soft exhale. Jongin stands and leaves to go get some water for himself.

“I think you’ll be fine around Charmers. The way you were in the first week plus what you’ve learned so far is enough. You won’t encounter many other humans in public. We can move on to table manners and eating.” He says while scratching the back of his neck.

“Thank God. I’m starving.” I whine at the mention of eating. My stomach grumbles and I am again reminded of how inconsistent my eating schedule has been as of late. Alongside my interactions with the other two guys in the house. I feel as though I haven’t spoken to Kris or Tao in days. When I’m training they either go off to work or the 3rd ring (respectively). I don’t know why Tao enjoys being there so much, but he’s always there while I’m stuck here with Luhan. And then when they come back for dinner I’m usually already asleep. Luhan casually wraps an arm around my shoulder, I tilt my head to look at him.

“Let’s call it a day. You look as hungry as I feel.” He pokes my cheek and I roll my eyes as we reenter the house. “Go and shower, I’ll go out to go get dinner.” He says while grabbing a pair of car keys off of the kitchen counter. I nod as he leaves. I’ll shower after I get a big glass of water.

And maybe take a nap.

Jongin comes down the stairs as the door closes behind Luhan. I pour two glasses of water and hand one to him. He thanks me, and I realize that we are left alone.

“Why’d you go upstairs?” I ask.

“I wanted to go find the clothes that I uh…left” he says, suddenly self-conscious.

“Oh, they’re in the laundry room. I wanted to wash them before giving them back to you.” He takes a sip of his water. “Do you…plan on staying again tonight?” I ask quietly.

“No.”

“Will you…be back tomorrow?”

“I don’t know for sure…”

“Do you know when you will be back?” He shakes his head. I nod solemnly. Silence follows and the two of us sip on our water. I want to say something, but I can’t figure out what it is that I want to say. He appears just as lost for words. I sit my glass down on the table and he follows suit. I walk over to him and hug him again; maybe hugging will get across what I don’t know what to say.

It feels like I do this a lot these days.

“If you need to talk…don’t be afraid to come to me okay? I’ll listen if you just need an ear, or a shoulder if you need to cry. Just...take care until you come back. Stay safe.” He squeezes me back and then pulls away. “I gotta go shower, but come back soon okay. I’m not done bothering you.” He smiles a cute smile that makes him resemble a little teddy bear and nods in affirmation. One of the first smiles I’ve seen from him that seems completely genuine. He vanishes on the spot still adorning his grin. I grin myself and sigh as I head up to clean up for dinner.

* * *

 

Tao comes back first and we play ‘rock, paper, scissors’ to decide who has to put up the dishes tonight. Usually if I’m awake I will volunteer, but I’d been extremely tired these days and my exhaustion was overpowering my manners. I know for a fact that the days I’m asleep for dinner, he is able to talk his way out of it. Luhan is the oldest and is almost always exempt from doing dishes, and for some reason Kris just can’t say no to Tao. But I’m not going to let him cheat his way out of chores today.

One round. Loser does the dishes. We toss out our hands. I choose rock, and he tosses out scissors. I win.

Dinner ends up being pizza, and I have never been so happy to see the greasy pie in my life. I sit down and slap five pieces on my plate immediately. Completely disregarding the boys, I loudly munch on my slices. I can sense their shock at how ravenously I’m eating, and I’m a bit taken back myself. I don’t know where this sudden appetite came from. I fell nothing but pure bliss though and if I had to die right here and now, I would be satisfied.

As soon as I start on the fifth slice I can feel that I won’t be able to finish it. My stomach began to ache 2 slices ago. I grabbed more than I could actually eat, but I know not to waste food.

“You really have no table manners.” Luhan voices. I sluggishly chew on the last slice and roll my eyes.

“I wasn’t aware this was a lesson _sir._ ” I answer around a mouth full of food. Tao grimaces and pushes my mouth closed himself. I’ll make a better effort of not talking with my mouth full I guess.

“It’s not a lesson, but it was an examination. Don’t worry we’ll fix it.” He says while taking a bite of his own slice. I look at Kris and he shrugs. Not his problem I guess. Dinner is otherwise uneventful and I manage to force the final slice down before announcing my departure. I get nothing but mumbles back. I scowl at their lack of interest in my life. I feel so valued in this house, it’s appalling really. I pat Tao’s cheek as I leave him to clean the dishes before disappearing up the stairs.

My fatigue is overpowering and yet I still end up awake, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. I wonder what the human girl who use to live in the castle was like. Was she nice? Was she pretty? How old was she? Did she have a family? How did she…die?

“Hey, are you awake?” I sit up from my bed to see none other than Luhan leaning in my doorframe.

“Yeah. I was just about to go to sleep.” A lie. Not a huge lie though. I _had_ planned on sleeping, but my thoughts had opposing plans and I’m sure that I’d be lying here in silence for hours more.

“You have a minute?”

“Mhm.” He makes his way over and sits on the edge of my bed.

“I’m sorry for being so hard on you lately.” He dives right in to his little speech. “I know that it isn’t easy, and I know that it’s a lot to take in. You have to understand where I’m coming from though. If you don’t show up prepared then you could be taken away, and I care- I mean, _we_ care about you and want you to be safe. We don’t want you to get hurt while you’re there.” He looks sheepish at the end of his spiel.

“No, I get it. I came to terms with the fact that you’re doing what needs to be done a while ago. I’m not mad about it, and I am thankful. You’re doing a good job, Luhan. Really. And if you weren’t harsh then I wouldn’t know that you all care about me, so it’s fine.” I say nonchalantly. “Besides, I care about you guys too, so do with me what you may.” I smile and spread out my arms as if to prove that I’m comfortable around them.

“Yeah, but still shouldn’t make you work so hard. I don’t want you to actually be angry with me…” I grab his face in my hands. His eyes widen at the sudden action.

“Listen, don’t apologize for doing your job dummy. I might get upset, but I’m never going to be angry with you. I love you guys-” oops. His eyes widen slightly and I pull away. “I love…um I mean I love being here.” Not much better. I let go of his face and cross my legs under myself. “Even if you are a douche at times I know that your intentions are good.” I finish.

God, why did I say that. I mentally face palm and pray that he won’t bring it back up. I can’t believe I said. It just slipped out. It was an honest feeling, but that doesn’t mean he needs to know that so soon! They’re still magic users and I’m not supposed to fucking _like_ them let alone love their kind. It’s not romantic I don’t think. I appreciate all that they’ve done for me and yeah I _might_ actually love Tao as more than just my friend, but I’ve only recently gotten comfortable with the two Charmers. I mean I do love all of them like I would close friends, but I’m not _in love_ with anyone. What is love really?

Now I’ve gone and said something that I’m not sure I can explain. You shouldn’t show you weakness to anyone, and I’ve done just that.

God dammit, I’m an idiot. I don’t want anyone to get any wrong idea. I don’t even love _myself_ , I don’t think I’m even prepared to think about being in love with someone else. I’m tackled in a hug while I’m distracted by my own anxieties. I freeze up until he pulls away.

“Let’s go out to get lunch this weekend.” He smiles genuinely. “Just you and me. It’ll be another lesson, but we can take it out in public, and take a break from the usual.” I stare open-mouthed at the idea. We haven’t been out since that first time when he was basically harassed. He wants to do it again?! He smirks and arches his brow. My speechlessness leads him to reach out and physically close my open mouth.

Oh shit, he’s waiting for my response. Gathering my senses, I nod quickly.

He grins, “It’s a date then.”


	15. 13. Be Careful What You Wish For

The weekend arrives much quicker than I expected, wanted, or needed it to. And in all honesty my anxieties were at an all-time high. What was supposed to just be a simple outing with Luhan has turned in to -what feels like- the most stressful moment of my life. In the span of a measly 30 minutes I’ve put on and taken off nearly outfit that I own.

No matter how many outfits I’ve tried on, combinations I’ve coordinated, or articles I’ve switched, nothing seems right. Nothing feels right. What’s worse is that it’s only a lunch…and he won’t even be able to look at me extendedly anyway since we’re going to be out in public in the 2nd ring. Why am I so caught up in finding the right outfit?

_Because I still feel like I need to look nice_.

I _want_ to look nice. If this is actually going to be a date, then I deserve to look nice. I want him to think that I look nice…

I still don’t want to look too eager, or like I tried too hard to dress myself up. As true as both statements are, I don’t need _him_ to know that. He already has a big ego; I don’t need to feed it any more.

A sigh falls from my lips.                                    

I know nothing can happen between us. In any form, at any time. Nothing serious at least. I’m a human girl, and he’s just one of the Queen’s Charmers. Sure, I can like him secretly. That won’t do any harm. I’m allowed to have a teeny tiny crush on the guy. Who wouldn’t? But how would we ever manage a relationship if we’re both servants to the Queen? Servants who work _closely_ under the Queen.

It’s funny. We’re from entirely different worlds, and yet here I am worrying about my outfit as if this is going to be the occasion that marks the beginning of the rest of our lives together.

How pathetic.

I stare at my reflection for the umpteenth time and frown. “That’s it. I’m wearing jeans.” I decide. I rush back out of the bathroom to throw on a pair of light wash jeans and a long sleeved orange shirt. I twist my hair into a braid, and call it a day. Slipping on a pair of brown boots I walk towards the living room where Luhan should be waiting.

He stands up from the couch upon my entry. “I tried to talk them out of it.” He says exasperatedly. I tilt my head in confusion, I don’t understand his words until Kris, Tao, and Jongin come in through the front door.

“The car is ready to go.” Kris announces with a smile.

* * *

 

Turns out that what was supposed to be another one on one lesson has turned into what I can only call a field trip. Kris says it is an “advanced lesson”, but Tao and Jongin appeared way too excited for this to just be a lesson. As soon as we all got settled in the car I was told the new plans for the day.

Kris turns around from the driver’s seat to look at Tao, Jongin, and I in the back seat.

“Alright, I hope you guys are ready.” He looks at me specifically. “We’re going to the big shopping center of the 2nd ring, and then you’re going back to the 3rd ring.” His tone is light, and it’s scaring me. Why is everyone so excited to go out today? It’s never fun going out in public…definitely not for them. And why would we go back to the third ring?

“Why the-”

“Kris thinks that it’s best for you to also try what you’ve learned around other humans. We won’t see any around and about in this part of the capital. So Kris, Jongin, and I are going to go with you to the shopping center in this ring and you’ll learn how to eat properly, and then we’re going to hand you over to Tao and Jongin. They’re going to go with you in the 3rd ring.”

“But Jongin hasn’t-”

“If it gets too dangerous then Jongin will be able to teleport the both of you back to the house.” Luhan says, interrupting me for the second time. I sigh in exasperation.

“Can I finish my sentence please?” I ask aggravated. Everyone looks at me expectantly. “Okay. Am I ready for this? I mean I don’t know if I’m prepared enough to deal with Gaia and Charmers here and then keep up my act after going back to th-the you know um-”

“You don’t have to visit the orphanage or anything. We’re just going to walk around and let you umm…what are we supposed to do again?” Tao looks to Jongin and the latter nods signaling that he’ll continue where the taller left off.

“We’re just going to walk around so that you can see what it’s like to be you know… _you_ around humans and other kinds of Charmers and Gaia.” Jongin finishes. I furrow my eyebrows and look from Jongin on my left to Tao on my right and then back to Luhan in the passenger’s seat.

“What if I want to go visit the orphanage?” I ask. The question is more for myself. Do I want to visit? It’d be nice to go and see some of the boys if I could.

“Well…do you?” Kris asks. His gaze is soft and I can see that he doesn’t want me to go there, but he won’t stop me if I say that I want to.

“No she doesn’t.” Tao answers for me. I look down at my lap silently.

“Do you?” Kris asks again. I can feel all of their eyes on me, and I feel uneasy at the reason behind the attention. I know that I probably shouldn’t. I know that they don’t want me to. I shouldn’t go anywhere near the 48th district, honestly. I could be recognized there, and I had messily killed a guy in my last moments there.

But, I want to see what’s happening. My curiosity feels as though it’s burning inside of me. I’d just go for a short while. Just in and out and then we can go wherever else.

“You do don’t you?” Luhan speaks up. I look up from my lap to see his scrutinizing gaze. I nod slowly, but keep my mouth closed in fear of being judged further for wanting to go back to the one place they all know I dread. Kris runs a hand through his hair. Luhan leans over and the two of them begin to whisper fervently. Jongin leans over to whisper into my ear.

“Are you sure you want to go there?” I only respond with a short nod while looking into his eyes. For whatever reason I can’t get myself to vocalize my thoughts, I just hope they don’t ask any more questions that require an answer outside of yes and no.

“You’re an idiot.” Tao cuts in. He crosses his arms over his chest and lets out a huff. “You shouldn’t go back there…ever. There nothing there for you anymore. That place is a shithole and you want to just walk right back in?” he shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “You’re an idiot.”        

“You can go.” Kris finally says.

I turn my attention away from the frustrated Tao beside me to a poker faced Kris. “You can visit, but as soon as anything happens Jongin has permission to bring you back. Willingly or not.” He says sternly. I nod quickly in agreeance. He sighs and taps his fingers on the steering wheel anxiously. The mood has gone down significantly after my request.

“I’m going to go now.” The sound of the door opening by Tao alarms me.

“Why?” my voice comes out way more scared than I had thought it would. He looks shocked as well by the sudden tone and frowns slightly.

“I can’t be in the 2nd ring. I’m just going to sneak in and wait in the 3rd until Jongin and you get there.” He explains.

“I’ll go with you.” Jongin offers.

“No stay with her. I know how to handle myself. Just meet me in the 32nd district, I’ll find you.” He leaves the car without another word. He seems upset and I know it has to be because of me. I don’t get why he’s so upset that I want to go back for a bit. It’s not like I’m giving myself up to the cops or planning on living there again or anything.

The atmosphere in the car gets awkward as the four of us try to figure out a way to get rid of the tension. When a minute of silence passes Kris finally decides to just start the car and drive us to our first destination.

* * *

 

Stop number one is the park. The weather today is nice and the air is getting just cold enough to be cool. Many Gaia are out and about talking amongst themselves, their Charmers close by, doing errands, or waiting to be given a task to do. Since I’m supposed to be basically wandering around and getting used to being in public, I decide that just walking around and looking at the sights that the park has to offer will be sufficient enough. My Charmer squad walks behind me and I feel a strange sense of security with them behind me. Slipping into my serious mode was a lot easier than I expected with them supporting me from the back.

The first time with Luhan was stressful and there were a lot of disturbing comments called out to him, but with the three of them around me…I found that no one dared say anything to any of us. My Charmers were silent behind me, but I could feel their support.

Walking around was enjoyable. The trees beautiful shades of red, orange, and yellow. Each breeze that blows by takes with it some of the crisp leaves that are loosely hanging on to the tree branches. At the sight I feel a tinge of sadness run through me. There weren’t many trees in any part of the city, and while these trees were neat, trimmed, and tame I’m still reminded of the forest I grew up in. Another gust blows by eliciting a large shiver from my body.

Strange.

I turn around to face the boys who are casting their eyes to the ground as expected. I try not to think much of it. “Let’s go. I’ve seen enough of the park.” I mutter. I glance around and catch sight of a pasta place across from the park. I point in its direction. “We’re getting pasta. Follow me.” They nod and I catch Luhan’s smirk before he quickly gets rid of it. Am I doing well?

I hold my hands behind my back and walk forward with an annoyed scowl. People actually make way for us and bow briefly before moving off to different locations. Some people change their path entirely, just to avoid us.

This is so strange.

All of this feels all too weird, and it makes me uncomfortable to see just how affected these people are by just by the way I carry myself. Maybe it’s not even me, but the three behind me.

_Most Gaia only have one to two Charmers. The more Charmers any given Gaia or human has, the more powerful she is. The Queen has just over 10 under her, and to date that is the most any Queen or Gaia has personally had._

Luhan’s words from a previous lesson pop in to my head, and I decide that it’s most likely their presence that caused the reaction. Do I even need to look bitchy if having multiple Charmers around me will get rid of people automatically?

“Welcome! One moment, I’ll get you a menu and seat you immediately.” A young woman greets me with a smile. Short blonde hair, and a thousand-watt smile. She looks around my age and like a very bubbly girl…but you can never judge a book by its cover, can you?

“Seat me in the least crowded area of the restaurant.” I grab the menu from her hand and scan over it. I point to a dish that looks nice and turn it so that she can see where my finger is. “I’ll take 4 of whatever this is. Water is fine.”

“Yes ma’am.” She says with a polite smile. I hand her the menu and wait for her next move. She turns around so that she can guide us to our table and I let out a large breath.

Wow that was nerve wracking.

Luckily the restaurant isn’t busy, and we are put in a section that only has a woman in a suit hurriedly finishing her meal.

Thank the Gods.

As soon as we are left alone my posture drops and I lay my head down in my hands on top of the table.

“You’re doing well.” Kris whispers reassuringly. I drop my hands and give him a half smile when he looks me in the eyes for the first time since being out and about.

“Really? I feel like an utter mess.” He shakes his head and gives me a thumbs up.

“What did you order?” Jongin asks quietly.

“Some white wine chicken pasta thing. It looked good. Don’t worry.” His eyes widen slightly in joy and a smile starts on his face before he wipes it away and settles for a short nod. I lean my cheek into the palm of my hand and blow out a raspberry. “Is it normal for people to react that way around Gaia with a lot of Charmers?”

“Mmm, not really. It’s different for Gaia. I think most people could tell you were a human…they seemed more afraid of who you belong to rather than you.” Luhan says softly. “You did well though. I’m actually surprised you were able to keep the act up as well as you did for your second time being out.”

“Thanks.” We all fall into silence and I immediately feel uncomfortable having them here in front of me but unable to easily talk to me. It makes sense why so many Gaia are always with other women. It’s like being alone even with them here in front of me.

So close, and yet so very far away.

I hate it.

Even when the food arrives, conversation is kept at a minimum and only between Luhan and I, seeing as he is the one teaching me to have proper table manners.

Wipe your hands.

Don’t grip the utensils too tight.

Dab at your mouth.

Sip your water. It isn’t going anywhere.

This isn’t your last meal, don’t rush. Blah blah blah.

The whispered words are the only noise outside of the sounds of silverware scratching plates during the entirety of the lunch. This is the most uninteresting outing that I’ve _ever_ had. Once our waitress comes to scan my T-Card (bless Kris for letting me use his again) we are finally able to leave.

I find a sparsely populated part of the park and flop down on the ground. They follow behind silently.

“Okay I want to go. I’ve had enough of this, let’s go.” I announce.

“What?” Jongin’s voice shocks me. Out of all of them I least expected him to talk to me in public. Even in this empty part of the park.

“I uh-” my thought process is thrown off after being startled by his voice, and it takes me a second to recall what I wanted to say. “I want to go to the 3rd ring now. I’m already sick of being around all these kind of people. I’m especially sick of you guys being so far away.”

“We were always right behind you.” Luhan says confused. I roll my eyes at their stupidity.

“I know that you dummy. I mean you guys can’t talk to me, or look at me, and I feel like I’m basically alone even though you guys are physically here.” I clarify.

“Ah.” The three of them chorus.

Dummies.

“Well…I’ll go find Tao. Where should we meet up?” Jongin asks Kris.

“I’ll find you. Go on.” The elder says. I blink and the spot where Jongin was once sitting is now empty. Whoa, I always forget how cool his power really is. “I’ll take you to them. Luhan you can take the car back home.”

“Don’t stay there too long. It’s not safe there, and if you get separated from Jongin and Tao we won’t be able to-”

“Okay!” Kris says cutting off his elder. “Thanks Luhan. Let’s go before he overstresses himself and raises his blood pressure.” Kris stands up and takes my hand practically yanking me up off the ground. I yelp quietly and let myself get dragged away from a still complaining Luhan.

“How exactly are we going to get to them without a car? And without me getting caught?” I ask while jogging to keep up with Kris’s long legged pace. My question stops him, and I bump into his back, not able to control my momentum. He lets go of my hand and turns around with a smirk plastered on his face.

“I haven’t show you my power yet have I?” he asks. I don’t think that he has. I can’t remember if he even told me what his power was actually. I shake my head and he lets out a soft chuckle. He begins to take off his brown sweater, and I immediately shade my eyes.

“What are you-?!”

“Put this on.” He instructs. Hesitantly, I lower my hands and see that he was wearing a blue shirt underneath it.  His smile is innocent, but I’m not a total idiot. I can see that he meant to pull a reaction out of me. I snatch the sweater out of his outstretched hand.

“Why?” I ask snippily. He kneels down on one knee.

“Just put it on, get on my back, and wrap your arms around my neck.” He says calmly. I squint at him suspiciously. What is he about to do? Are we going to switch bodies or something? “Come on hurry up. Grab on to my neck after you get it on.” I look back to the fluffy brown sweater and hurriedly drape it over my body.

How tall is this guy really? I’m turned into a human burrito thanks to the large article of clothing. After rolling up the sleeves I finally wrap my arms around his neck. He stands up and wraps my legs around his waist. “Hold on tight.” His arms support me by holding on to my thighs to make sure that I’m triple attached to him. I try to get comfortable on his back, but it just makes me feel more like a small animal on a branch than anything else. He bends his knees a few times, and with a final breath he squats and then launches the both of us straight into the air.

Fuck, I forgot he could fly.

I scream almost immediately and tighten my grip around his neck like some kind of frightened koala bear. My eyes close as soon as the air rushes against my face. I can distinctly feel how the air gets colder the higher we go up, and it makes sense why I was given this sweater beforehand. My screams die off as I focus all of my energy on not throwing up. That and not letting go. Kris’s arms are still there supporting me, but what if I let go and he isn’t holding me tight enough? Would he be able to catch me before I fall to my death below? Would I fall on empty ground, or perhaps on top of some pedestrian? Would I die on the spot, or just be in immense pain?

This is _exactly_ why I fucking hate being subject to their powers. I could die right now. I could die when we could have just like…drove a car, or disguised me. He could have used a catapult to toss me over the electric wall for all I care. But no, I’m going to end up falling to my death because Kris’s ass decided to fucking _fly_ me to my death.

“June.”

This was probably the plan since day one. Get friendly and then build up my trust just so that they could drop me to my death from the sky.

“June!”

I can’t believe it would happen this way. I had always figured that I’d die of infection or food poisoning. A lack of medical attention would drive me to my grave. I never suspected blatant _murder_.

“Yah! Open your eyes you idiot.” The sound of Tao’s voice shakes me out of my thoughts. I open my eyes to see that not only are we on the ground, but we’ve already reached Jongin and Tao. “You can let go now.” Kris’s hand pats my forearm, and I remember that I’ve got a death grip on him. He bends down so that I can slide down, but I’m shaking too hard to let go. I close my eyes and let out a shaky breath. _It’s okay, you can let go_.

Let **go**.

I can’t let go.

Unconsciously, my grip gets tighter and I hide my face in the back of Kris’s shirt while I try to get my body to just _let go_.

“Come on.” Jongin. “We’re right here.” He assures. I relax my hold only slightly so that I can peek up and look at him. He nods with a nervous smile, and I nod back to him. I’m fine. I’m totally fine, I’m just…shaking. Tao sighs before walking around and physically pulling me off of Kris. I come off easier than I expected. My limbs turned to jelly as soon as he grabbed me. The elder male rolls his shoulders and stands back up to his full height.

“Are you okay? I didn’t know you’d react like this to flying…” his voice is apologetic and he rubs his neck nervously.

“No, no. I’m fine. I’m okay. I’m just…I- I’m fine.” I conclude. No one seems convinced, but I need to show them. I wriggle out of Tao’s arms so that I’m standing on my own two feet. My knees wobble, but it’s minor. I don’t think anyone notices. I spread out my arms. “I’m totally fine.” I say with more conviction. They stare silently while I try to think of something else to show I’m fine. Maybe if I do a little dance. I drop my arms and move my body around uncoordinatedly while smiling, hoping that it’s enough for us to move on.

Jongin’s laugh breaks through the silence as the boy drops to his knees from his giggles. Tao rolls his eyes but smiles along. I stop my “dancing” for the sake of my pride; the sleeves of Kris’s sweater fall and covers my hands, and I’m once again turned into a living burrito thanks to his enormous clothes. Said sweater’s owner ruffles my hair affectionately before telling us to be careful and come home as soon as we’re done. He’s flying in the air before we can even finish our okays.

It’s only then that I realize we’re already in the 48th district. The oh-so familiar sight of my crummy district feels like a slap in the face after the few months of being away. It’s startling to actually see the difference in the rings after being able to actually live in the 2nd. Even for as short a time that I have. The air is different. Heavier. Colder. The same bright advertisement boards and shiny buildings were there like they’ve always been. Lighting up both day and night, being large and imposing. It was all so…artificial still, and terrifying. People didn’t roam around much, and it was just as devoid of energy as the first day I got here.

I feel the snap of the bronze wrist bracelet on my arm before I see it. Tao pulls back and snaps an identical one to his own and to Jongin’s wrists as well. “Fakes.” He says. I look down at the bracelet and remember the fact that 2nd ring guests who come through the legal entrances are given a bronze bracelet to show their status and access to the ring. Without it, and without proper identification we could be locked up in a second. Unfortunately, I was never given a citizen’s ID since I wasn’t born here, and I know for a fact that boys aren’t given IDs since they are barely counted as citizens.

I look away from my arm to the surrounding area once again. It’s unlikely to find any officers around here. With or without the bracelets we wouldn’t be caught. No one gives a shit about 3rd ringers. If we were in the 2nd ring then there might have been more of a problem and probability of being stopped by an officer, but I look the part there now and no one asks any questions which is good. It’s not like anyone could prove that I wasn’t from the 2nd ring even if they wanted to anyway.

“You okay?” Jongin asks after watching me stand and stare around. I blink away my thoughts and face them once again.

“Yeah. I’m alright. Let’s go to the orphanage first. We still have a few hours of sunlight, and I want to get that out of the way.” Tao’s hand finds mine and he squeezes it softly. I smile reassuringly. I’m fine.

I think.

I close my eyes and take in a large breath.

I’m fine. There is nothing to be scared of. No one can hurt me with Tao and Jongin by my side. No one will hurt me anymore because I know who I am.

_I am the beginning. I am the ultimate. I am one of the first beings on Earth and they are beneath me. I am to be respected. I am woman._

I open my eyes and release the air in my lungs along with my apprehension. A renewed feeling of power washes over me, and I can once again slip into the newest version of myself.

I am no longer the naïve little girl in the woods.

I am no longer the scared human in a city of mutants.

I am not at the bottom of the food chain anymore.

I am to be _respected_.

“Let’s go boys. This way.” I tug at Tao’s hand and let Jongin follow behind as I lead them to the place where I grew up. It’s going to be around a fifteen minute walk from where we all met up, and the market where I use to…“shop” at is nearby. A small smile threatens to spread on my face at the countless memories of taking little snacks and fruits from the market. I wonder if they’ve gotten better security systems yet.

The first person to fall on the ground in front of me takes me by surprise. He came out of nowhere, and I actually jumped at the sudden action. I stop in my tracks leaving Tao to bump into me after not paying attention to where he was going. The man lies there motionless on his knees with his forehead to the ground and arms spread out in front of him. Luhan had told me that this is the standard procedure for human men in the presence of a human woman, but I thought he was just fucking around with me.

Even though I know that he knows more than me when it comes to all of this, I had _never_ seen it happen. Up until now at least.

The man stays motionless, and I take the initiative to walk away so that he can go back to his previous tasks. For the first time, I feel as though I no longer belong in this area. People continue to throw themselves at my feet. Humans. Others bow all the way at the waist to avoid eye contact. Lone Charmers. Gaia women bow their heads in acknowledgement.

The amount of power that I feel is invigorating. Terribly invigorating, and slightly humbling. The same people who spit at me, hit me, touched me, yelled obscenities at me are the same people cowering in my presence.

But among them, are people who I’ve never met before. People who have no reason to be afraid of me, and have never done anything to wrong me. And yet, here they are. Just as terrified as those who have. Seeing the unfamiliar faces makes me immediately regret the amount of joy I felt at seeing people bowing and on the ground before me.

Maybe I need to keep myself in check.

My pace is even, my heartrate is calm, and I feel weirdly tranquil walking around in broad daylight in this district, even with the astounding reactions from every person I encounter. From the amount of moisture that has accumulated in between Tao and my clasped hands, I can only assume that he isn’t feeling as composed as I am. If he sweats anymore though, I’m ditching his hand. I can only take so much palm sweat against my dry one.

When the shoe shop passes my line of vision my fists clench unconsciously. If not for Tao’s yelp, I would have forgotten that I was still holding on to his hand. I mumble out an apology and relax my grip. The three of us look so out of place, and even though I’ve gotten the outward behavior down, I can’t help the unease I feel at being treated _so_ differently here.

And in my gut, I feel as though something else is off.

Something is wrong, but I can’t get myself to just turn around and leave. Maybe it’s just irrational fear, who knows? I still have to keep going forward. I want to see my boys. I want them to know that I’m okay. I want to tell them that I’m going to find a way to get them out.

There’s hope.

There’s hope for us.

I can save them.

When we finally reach the street that the orphanage is on, the bad feeling intensifies. My stomach drops when I don’t see the building in its usual location between the two larger apartments

Buildings don’t move.

I’m not crazy, buildings don’t just get up and move.

But it’s gone.

The gasp that escapes from me sounds pitiful even to my own ears. I snatch my hand out of Tao’s tightened grip. I know that he’s trying to hold me back, but I can’t stay here. I need to get closer. I need to see it closer for myself.

As soon as I’m free of his hold, I sprint towards the wreckage. I stop only on the sidewalk directly across the street.

“No. no. no…this- I- this can’t be…” The entire orphanage has been burned to the ground. No sign that it ever existed outside of its charred remains. No one would know what this place was, had they never see it before this moment. Thin ribbons of smoke are still rising from the remains.

It couldn’t have even been days since this happened.

The sounds of heavy footsteps hitting the pavement get closer only to slow down directly beside me. I can hear their panting, but I can’t get myself to take my eyes away from the scene in front of me.

I have to get closer.

I need to get closer.

One heavy step.

Two heavy steps.

Three. Four.

“June I don’t-” my feet stop temporarily. I turn around to see Tao with his hand covering Jongin’s mouth. The latter looks frightened. Tao only shakes his head. He doesn’t say a word. I turn back.

Five steps. Six.

Lifelessly, I let my feet carry me directly to where the doorway of the house once stood. The rubble cracks and crumbles under the weight of my feet. I don’t realize that I’ve started crying until I actually hear myself sniffle. Raising a hand to my eyes, I can feel the moisture, but it doesn’t even process in my mind.

The sight, the smell. All of it is too familiar. The smell is way too familiar.

I hated this place, but I never wanted it to burn like my first home. I never wanted it to suffer the same fate.

_The boys_.

Where are all of the boys? Where did they go? Did they get out? Please tell me they got out. Did they escape, find new homes? Were they kidnapped again?

Would this have still happened had I still been here? Could I have stopped this? Did this happen because of the guy that I killed? Is this all my fault?

Where is Momma? Did she do this? Did she set fire to the place for insurance money? She would have cleared it of the boys first, right?

Right?

I take another step even further in, but something gives under my weight. Something that makes a crack that doesn’t exactly sound or feel like wood. Dazed I step back, only to see what looks like a fully grown human skeleton.

Skin melted to bone. Burned flesh and tattered clothes bloody and burnt. Large patches of muscle and bone charred black. Bone shows, covered in the light gray of ash. Worn down from the heat of fire. A body, completely indistinguishable in this state.

But I know.

It was her. This body was once Momma. It had to be.

I fumble to the side after my suspicion actually registers, only to hear the sound of my foot breaking bone once again. This time it’s a smaller body.

A strangled sob rips its way out of my mouth, the sound scaring me enough for me to instinctively cover my mouth with both of my hands.

The body is just small enough to belong to Joshua. Little Joshua who liked to read and loved being doted on by Tao. Another look around shows multiple bodies of various shapes and sizes littered around. Joshua and Momma weren’t the only ones here.

Are any of them _not_ here?

Suddenly I can recall why the smell is so similar to all those years ago. It’s not the smell of smoke, or the smell of wood. It’s not the smell of burnt upholstery.

It was the smell of burnt bodies.

Just like 9 years ago.

Images from that day begin to flash before my eyes once again. Images that I’ve taken so long to block out. Images that I’ve tried so hard to get rid of. Images that I thought were securely locked up in the very back of my memory return as if they were never locked away.

_My mom engulfed in the smoke clouds._

_Being carried out of the burning home._

_Being left in the grass only to stare at my house as it consumed both of my parents._

My head starts to throb. I slap both of my hands to my ears and push. The pictures are pushing themselves out, and I have to keep them in. I can’t let them out.

The pain intensifies, and there is nothing that I can do to stifle the shrill scream that tears itself from my body and out into the surrounding air. My knees give out leaving me to land right on top of the bodies that belong to the boys I’d once looked after.

Flashbacks of the past along with more recent memories whizz around in my head. Each one hitting every corner of my skull as hard as possible. I’m bombarded with memories from every point in time from my life. I can’t get a hold on what belongs to the present. I can’t find my way out of the past.

All of my terrors. All of the trauma. All of the hurt. All of it feels as though it’s happening to me for a second and third time. This time faster. The sounds surrounding me. My own screaming. My own crying. My own shouting. Everything plays before me like a surround sound movie with no stop button. It’s like I’m watching myself go through it all again, and there is nothing that I can do beside watch it happen and feel the pain twice over.

I don’t know where I am, but I don’t want to be here.

I don’t know where I am, but I don’t want to be here anymore.

I don’t want to be here anymore.

I don’t want to be here.

I don’t want to be here!

My head snaps to the side.

The images vanish instantly. The movie of my life stops, and all that’s left is black and the sound of shouting.

This time not my own.

I open my eyes slowly and turn my head back to its original position. The distinct feeling of stinging blooms across the side of my face.

Ouch.

I take a hand and bring it to my cheek. Fuck, that hurt. Blinking a few times, I see that I’m no longer surrounded by bodies or rubble. I’ve somehow ended up on the sidewalk of an entirely different street. I blink a few more times and finally notice the two boys in front of me. Tao’s palm is in the air and glowing a bright pink. Jongin looks ghostly, and as though he is 5 seconds away from having his own panic attack. Both of his hands are on my shoulders, holding my stiff frame up. The both of them seem to be holding their breath as they stare at me, and I stare back at them dumbly.

My eyes start watering at the pain from being (what looks like) bitch-slapped. “Ow…” I breathe out. At the small sound both of them visibly relax. Jongin lets out a mix between a sigh and a laugh and his eyes begin to shine with unshed tears. Tao sighs gratefully and drops his hand back to his side, his head drops, and I can hear him…laughing.

In the blink of an eye I’m sandwiched between the two tall towers in a hug. Tao’s laughing quickly turns into crying, and then muffled apologizing. The amount of pressure being exerted between the two of them is suffocating, and instead of trying to breathe through it, I opt to hold my breath until they let go.

Once I’m released I take in a deep breath. Jongin cups my cheeks with shaking hands and Tao wipes at his own face. The taller looks off into the distance.

“Take her back home.” Tao’s voice is hoarse. “Make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid when you get back.” He gives me a look that I can’t decipher before he wraps his arms around me in another quick hug, stands up, and then walks off. Stupid? What does he think I’ll do?

_You’re well aware of what he thinks you’re going to do._

I grimace at myself. Jongin stands, and shakily holds a hand out for me to grab. With him doing most of the work, I get up on my feet again.

I don’t know what I should say.

“Don’t freak out. Just relax.” He mumbles. One of his arms hold me flush against his body while the other cups the back of my head and presses it securely to his shoulder. A slight breeze blows by before it feels as though my entire body is being ripped through space.

The house in the 2nd ring is suddenly in front of me. He slowly lets me go, and then everything happens at once.

My entire body aches as though I’ve just gotten into an accident and gotten whiplash. I fall to my knees in front of him only to throw up right at his feet. I feel sick. I feel like I’m dying.

Am I dying?

I kind of hope that I am.

Seconds later, Kris and Luhan come out of the house. I feel woozy from all of the recent stimuli, Luhan is yelling at Jongin, and Kris has picked me up off the ground. It’s all too much.

My entire body feels cold, but I can feel the sweat rolling off my skin. I open my mouth to try and tell Luhan to stop yelling at Jongin, but no sounds dare come out. The shouting continues, and I give in to the exhaustion and let my brain finally shut itself down.


	16. 14. From the Outside Looking In

*2nd Person POV*

“Where the fuck is Tao? What happened? You guys were supposed to be watching her!” Luhan’s voice grows louder with each angry word. His aggression being thoughtlessly directed towards his younger friend who has done nothing to deserve it. Luhan’s fists clench making the gravity in the area around them start to waver ever so slightly.  

You haven’t passed out; in fact, you appear to be wide awake. However, it’s obvious that you aren’t mentally there. Your gaze has frosted over and you continue to stare off into space as if you’re lazily watching something in the distance. Kris notices the sudden drastic change in your state, and makes a mental note to keep an even closer eye on you until you come to.

“The real question is how did you know that something happened before they even showed up?” Kris questions. He shifts the weight of your body in his arms and arcs a questioning brow at the angry male next to him. The older of the two had begun running outside before he even knew that you had returned. Kris wasn’t sure how he knew you’d gotten back, and by the confused look on Luhan’s, he didn’t seem to know either.

Luhan’s rant halts for the briefest second before he waves Kris off and returns to taking his irritation out on Jongin. Kris exhales and carries you up to your room before lying you on your bed, leaving the two others outside.

“Hey, can you hear me? June? Can you hear me?” His quiet questions go unnoticed. Your eyes are cast towards the ceiling, unblinking, and devoid of emotion. You look as though you’ve left your body in some kind of buffering mode. He lets out a breath before analyzing your state. He doesn’t want to sneak Yixing back here, but if he has to then safety be damned he’ll send Jongin immediately.

Your jeans are dirty, and he hesitates before he decides to just take them off himself and remove the sweater he gave to you. They’re just clothes and you can’t rest in those. After delicately taking off your dirtied clothes and shoes, he tosses them to the side. 

“Come on, let’s get you under the covers.” He whispers. Quickly and quietly he pulls the covers over your sweating body, taking the opportunity to talk you through his steps to fill the silence. “I’m going to put a wet towel on your head. You’ll be back to normal in no time. Don’t worry.” Luhan’s voice can still be heard from outside, even from the second floor. He rolls his eyes and prepares a wet cloth to sit on your head while you sleep.  

He frowns while looking at your unresponsive form.

What happened to you?

The sound of footsteps and yelling gets louder as Luhan shouts Jongin all the way up to the second floor.

“I don’t get how you both couldn’t do the one job you were given! Do you even realize what-”

“Jongin, what happened?” Kris says, cutting off Luhan. He closes the door to your room, and faces the two in the hallway. Jongin is nearly shaking in his spot and stumbles over his words searching for how to explain what exactly he saw. He isn’t too sure himself.

“I- we- u-um.” He takes in a calming breath and shakes his head before restarting. Luhan’s nonstop yelling has sufficiently scrambled his thoughts. “Everything was going fine at first, but then we got to one street and suddenly she took off running. Tao and I followed after her, but she was just so fast.” Luhan glares at the younger, and Jongin swallows nervously. “U-um, then we stopped at this place, but all I saw was burnt wood and stuff. She started walking towards it, and I was going to stop her, but Tao wouldn’t let me.

“We watched her walk around in it, and then she was screaming. I don’t know what happened, but one minute she was looking around, and the next she was on the ground screaming at the top of her lungs and crying. We ran over as fast as we could, and I picked her up so we could get her out. When we got her out she-she was still screaming. I tried shaking her out of it, and Tao was yelling her name, but she wasn’t responding. He slapped her really hard and then she finally stopped. I…I don’t know what she was going through while she was out of it like that, but I…I’ve seen enough people do similar stuff in the castle to know she really- she…she really…” he grabs his hair frustrated as the words fail to come to him. “She…really flipped out for a minute there.” He sighs at his own unsatisfactory explanation and rubs his arm nervously.

“Why would you idiots let her walk into a burning-” Kris steps in front of Luhan so that the elder can’t verbally attack Jongin any longer.

“You should go back to the castle. You’ve been gone entirely too long as it is. We don’t need you to get in trouble. We have enough to worry about right now as it is. Don’t we Luhan?” Luhan huffs in annoyance at Kris’s words. They both know that he’s right. Successfully quieting Luhan down, Kris turns back to Jongin and pulls the shaken boy in for a hug. “Go back and get some rest. We can handle everything here.” With one last worried look at your door, the teleporter vanishes back to the castle.

“What are we going to do? We can’t just leave her like that, can we?”

“We’ll have to for now. Until she either wakes up, or we figure out more about what happened…there’s nothing else that we can do.”

* * *

 

Tao returns to the house hours later, coming through the front door looking tired and dirty. He goes to find Kris as soon as he’s safely inside, his first question being whether you’re okay.

“She’s doing better than she was when she first got here. She finally closed her eyes and fell asleep about an hour ago.” Kris runs a hand over his face in exhaustion. The constant trips to and from your room had tired him out mentally, but you were getting better than before and for that, he’d worriedly walk back and forth to your room a thousand times more if he had to.

Kris goes to get Luhan, and the three boys settle in the living room for a meeting. With you out of commission a lot of questions are left unanswered, but there’s nothing to be done about that until you wake.

“Do you know what happened in the 3rd ring?” Luckily Luhan has had time to calm himself, and his approach to the question is much less aggressive than before. Like Kris, he is more mentally tired than he is anything else. His mind producing a thousand thoughts a minute, and whenever Kris wasn’t in your room, he was.

Tao shakes his head. “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask her to explain, I’m not sure what I saw myself. I’d only ever seen her like that once before.”

“What happened last time?” Kris prods.

Tao tenses. “I don’t…think it’s something I should tell you all. Ask her later…”

“Well what did you see? Jongin told us his part.” Luhan continues. Tao scratches the back of his neck while recollecting the events from earlier in the day.

“We walked around…people were throwing themselves to the ground and bowing and stuff. She was holding my hand, but she wasn’t nervous or scared. I don’t know what you taught her, but she was almost an entirely different person walking around that place.

“We got to the street where her orphanage used to be, and then she took off. We got there and it was burned to ground. We let her walk around in the wreckage, and then she started shouting. I don’t really remember what happened afterwards because I started panicking myself. I slapped her though. It was like she had been somewhere entirely different. She looked scared and relieved when she finally opened her eyes as if she’d just returned from a nightmare or something.” He sighs as he recalls the panic he felt in that moment. You looked as terrified as you made him feel.

“What were you doing for the last 3 hours? Why didn’t you come back with them?”

Tao looks at Luhan with a pained frown. “I wanted to see what she saw. I walked back to where she started screaming to look around.” He pauses as disgust paints his face. “There were burned bodies all over the place. It was basically a body dump.”

“Do you think that’s why she reacted that way?” Kris asks. Tao shakes his head again.

“No. Something else had to have happened. Like I said, I’ve only seen her act that way once in my life, and that wasn’t her first time seeing something like that.” Tao answers with conviction. He knows you, and he knows that there had to be more to the story. The room quiets as everyone falls into their roaming thoughts.

Kris’s realization breaks the silence. “Luhan, you still didn’t explain how you knew something had gone wrong…”

“I don’t know. Gut feeling?” he replies, unsure himself.

“When did you feel like something had happened?” Tao asks.

“About half an hour before her and Jongin got back.”

“…What?” Tao asks in confusion.

“Yeah, it was like half an hour before they came back. I just…felt like everything had gone wrong, and then I got a painful ass headache.” He brings his hand to his temple as if to emphasize. Tao gives Luhan an odd look, to which Luhan looks at Kris confused. If what Tao was thinking is correct, then you had started screaming about 30 minutes before he told Jongin to take you home.

How would Luhan just happen to be in pain at that same moment?

A memory that he had labeled before as insignificant, resurfaces. About 2 weeks ago you had complained to Tao that your hand really hurt. You said that you weren’t sure why it suddenly started throbbing. He told you that you were clumsily and probably slammed it against something and didn’t realize it, but you were adamant. You hadn’t done anything that could have hurt your hand. An hour after that, Tao had encountered Luhan who had slammed a door on his hand by accident. Something about this happening coincidently _twice_ doesn’t add up.

He decides to voice a theory that he had formed even before you had training with Luhan. “Is it possible…for Charmers…to bond or something with humans?”

The two older males frown in confusion. “What does that have to do with anything?” Kris asks. Tao’s mouth squeezes into a line. He casts a meaningful look towards Luhan. Luhan’s eyes widen in surprise. He starts to loudly cough after chocking on his spit. Kris squints skeptically at the coughing Luhan and then back to Tao.

“Yes, it’s possible. No one knows much about it, but it isn’t unheard of. There are stories of humans bonding with Gaia. I don’t see why the same wouldn’t apply to Charmers and humans as well.”

“Fuck.” Luhan mutters.

“What happened?” Kris is immediately alert at the alarmed look on Luhan’s face paired with the self-satisfied smile on Tao’s. When Luhan doesn’t answer, he turns back to Tao. “What happened?”

“Don’t ask me.” He holds his hands up in an ‘I don’t know’ gesture. “I wasn’t awake when he kissed her.” Kris’s mouth drops open. One look at Luhan and he knows that Tao is telling the truth.

“I didn’t kiss her! She kissed me!” Kris fumbles out of his seat on the couch only to look at Luhan in disbelief from the floor.

“What the fuck?!”

“I don’t know! It just happened. We were drunk, and she had finally stopped being angry at us all the time. I don’t- I just couldn’t help it. I swear she kissed me though…I just…I started it.” Luhan looks at the ground in embarrassment. He never thought he’d have to explain what happened that evening to anyone, much less Kris. He hadn’t even talked to _you_ about it, and it was just as much your doing as it was his.

“I ought to fucking snap your neck you idiot!” Kris growls out.

In an attempt to ease some of the tension away from Luhan, Tao gently chimes in, “She really did kiss him. When she told me about it, she seemed to be totally on board with it. She definitely finished it.”

“You both knew about this and didn’t say anything about it?” Kris asks incredulous. “If you bonded to her or with her, do you know what this means?”

“…no.”

“…me either.” Kris says under his breath. “THAT’S THE PROBLEM! No one knows anything about bonding with humans because we _don’t_.” With an annoyed groan, Kris tosses himself back on the couch. “Is there anything else I need to know about?” He asks tiredly. He can’t take much more mental stress, but if he’s going to snap tonight he might as well hear any and everything they might be hiding. He runs a hand down his face as Tao raises his hand.

“I kissed her too.” He admits. Kris drops his hand and looks at Tao disinterested.

“Did you bond with her?”

“No?”

“Then I really don’t care.” Humans don’t bond with humans. That much is obvious. Why Tao felt the need to share was lost on Kris; however, the eldest in the room knew why Tao decided to share the fact. He was trying to get a rise out of Luhan. And boy, as much as he hated to admit it, it was it working. He glares at Tao for half a second before letting it go. He knows that he can’t pick a fight over something like this right now. Even if you might be bonded to _him_ and _not_ Tao, so Tao should keep his grubby little hands to himself from now on.

No, he won’t pick a fight about that… _for now_.

At that, Jongin appears in the middle of the living room. Now dressed in a new outfit as if he was going to bed soon. “Shouldn’t you be in the castle?” Kris asks exasperatedly.

“No, Kyungsoo is buying me 2 hours.” He looks towards the staircase. “Is she okay? Is she doing any better?”

“When did you get so concerned about her safety?” Luhan asks snappily. A sense of possessiveness is evident in his tone, and Kris makes a mental note to look up symptoms and causes of bonds between Gaia, Charmers, and humans. If Luhan is going to continue being this aggressive over you, then he needs to at least know how to calm him down.

Jongin looks taken back by the question. “Ignore him.” Kris looks at Luhan warningly, before looking back at the young teleporter. “Just please tell me you didn’t bond with her as well.” Jongin pouts and tilts his head in confusion. A relieved sigh leaves Kris’s lips. “Thank god.” Whatever it is that’s happened between you and Luhan, whether it be a bond or a weird fluke, you can’t know about it. Not until they can figure out what this all means. He just hopes it stays between the two of you until they know what’s happening.

“Luhan kissed June and now he’s her bitch.” Tao says with a smug smile. Luhan jumps up from his seat, ready to start throwing punches at the younger, until Jongin speaks up.

“Oh, well no I haven’t kissed her…but I did sleep with her the other day.” He confesses. The mouths of his elders drop open at what sounds like a not so innocent confession. Kris’s groan leads to shouting exploding all around the room.

“See! At least I didn’t fuck her!”

“But you _want_ to!”

“I thought you were the innocent one!”

“I can’t believe you actually slept with her!”

“How can you come here and say that with a straight face!”

“You should be ashamed!”

“Why were you in her room?!”

“Ahhhhhhhhhh this is madness!”

“Wait, wait, wait! No, I didn’t…do _that_. We just slept. Nothing else! We didn’t do anything like that!”

“I can’t believe you idiots have made me age 10 years within the past hour.”

With the sounds of their yelling filling the house, no one hears your footsteps descending down the stairs. You had woken up not even 2 minutes ago, but the sounds of shouting had piqued your curiosity enough for you to head directly towards the sound after waking up. Rubbing at your eyes, you squint at the lights that are brightly shinning in both the kitchen and the living room.

At least you know where they all are.

You stand in the kitchen and try to adjust your vision while their noisiness persists. Jongin is the first person to see you, and he stops talking immediately. The other three follow his line of vision and follow suit. They’ve all gotten on their feet as they wait for you to say something. Anything to aid in explaining what happened to you.

You yawn.

“Good evening guys.”


	17. 15. Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall

“Good evening guys.” The atmosphere feels weird, and having them all suddenly shut up at my reappearance feels even weirder. They had to have been talking about me then…

I don’t blame them. I would have done the same thing had I been in their shoes. They stare at me with eyes full of pity. It makes me feel irrationally angry. I don’t want their pity. I don’t want them to look at me like I’m some kid who’s dog just ran away. “Look guys, I’m sorry for freaking you all out earlier. I’m totally fine now. No worries.” I nonchalantly walk into the living room, and plop down on the couch that Kris stands in front of.

“No.” Tao looks at me angrily. “You aren’t okay. Tell them.” I only tilt my head in confusion. He groans agitated. “Don’t play dumb right now June. I have only once see you like that, and I swore on my own life that day that I wouldn’t let you go through that again if I could help it. You and I both know you aren’t okay if you acted the exact same way you did that day.”

The day that he’s talking about is one that I can only partially remember, but I know what he’s trying to get at. It was some time ago, before I had stopped stealing and abusing the drugs that I was supposed to be selling. One day, I had taken too many opiates, enough to kill myself. I can’t recall if that was the intention or not, but I was on the brink of dying. He had found me after I _apparently_ started screaming. I don’t remember that happening, but he told me that he found me screaming, and then I passed out right in front of him. He said that he took me to the hospital and borrowed someone’s T-Card (that someone probably being Kris) to pay for my medical expenses. They had to pump my stomach, and keep me under watch for a full two weeks.

I promised him that I’d stop after that. Seeing him cry every time that he visited me and begging me to stop broke my resistance. I didn’t want to stop. Not since they were the only way for me to escape. It was difficult, but I did it. For him I stopped. I look down at my feet embarrassed.

Did I do the same thing today as I did then?

“What happened?” Tao asks firmly. “Tell us what happened.” The firmness fades quickly as his voice cracks. I look up to meet the four worried gazes around me. As much as I want to keep it to myself, I know that I can’t just keep it all in right now. They won’t let this go, and I can already tell that they’ll worry over this for who knows how long if I don’t just explain.

But where would I start?

How would I start? I’d have to break down my walls to get _anywhere_ and that scares the shit out of me.

As it is, my protective fortress is basically non-existent with Tao. He knows all there is to know about me, and as dangerous as it is, it gives me the ability to confide in him in ways I can’t with anyone. I’ve let both Kris and Luhan inside of my little fortress, but I’ve left them to stare at tall walls that project the images that I want them to see. I’ve left nearly every door locked so that they don’t stumble upon the things I’m not ready to show.  Jongin has weirdly enough been thrust right in to my protective fortress as well, straight into a couple of rooms, but has been given no direction or way of knowing what it is that he’s seen.

I don’t know if I’m ready for them to finally see what I’ve been trying to protect, but I don’t think I could ever be _ready_ to display my own vulnerability. I have to let them see it for themselves. I have to finally let them see the girl I’ve been hiding in my own castle. I have to let her come out of hiding to face them all head on.

For them to all see me as the pathetic little girl that I actually am I have to start from the beginning.

So I tell them my story.

I tell them about my home in the woods. I tell them the little bit that I remember about my parents. I tell them about the fire. I tell them about the man who could throw it. I display my own fears of him and the amount of power he holds over my life. The amount of power I’ve allowed him to have. The fear that I’ve used to drive myself and my own hatred in the city.

I tell them about Momma. I tell them about the shoe shop. I tell them about _my_ boys, and how I’ve watched them vanish and die just because they were human, just because _we_ are human and no one gave two shits whether we lived or died. So long as we did the tasks that we were told. I told them about their stories. Jackie. Pulled from his village in the middle of the day while his parents where ripped apart before his very eyes. Jackie who died after some Charmer decided to play with his life and see how much water his lungs could hold before they exploded. Jackson. Born in the city and given away so that his father could afford to feed himself. Jackson who died after being sexually assaulted and then killed because, well the Charmer just felt like it. Joshua. The little boy who had found the orphanage after escaping from his abusive Gaia in a different district. Joshua who had probably died in the fire that took the lives of many other boys in the orphanage.

I tell them about my own mistakes. The lives I’d taken. The people I’d ruined. The lack of regret I felt at killing them. The stealing that I did to survive. The drugs I did to forget how much I hated where I was and what I was doing. The harm I did to myself, because sometimes the thought of just…not being alive felt like the only option and like a light at the end of a dark tunnel. I tell them about how I fell into countless periods of wanting to be dead. I tell them of the ways I thought of dying, they ways I attempted to die, the feeling of having no other hope, and just wanting it all to stop.

To go away.

I wanted to go away.

I recount the abuse I suffered from Momma, from Charmers, from humans, from Gaia. I tell them the stories and names of the people who touched me and made me feel like I was nothing more than a body for them to use when they wanted a quick and quiet fuck. I tell them about how some of those men and women would cut, choke, and physically injure me while they did what they wanted to me.

I tell them everything.

I tell them all there is to know about me; now that the walls have fallen, there is no way to stop it. Even if I wanted to stop the tale I no longer had the ability to hold myself back. I need to get it out. Not for them, but for myself.

Tears have started streaming down my face, and it’s almost impossible to continue talking through the congestion and mucus. Somehow, I power through. I’m able to tell them about the orphanage and seeing all of these things flash before me like a movie that I couldn’t stop. The sight of the bones, bodies, and flashbacks still fresh in my mind.

“I ju-just want m-m-my mom to come back to hug me one last-last time. I wish I could have heard what she-she told me. I ju-just I just want this to all be a dream, and-d to wake up in my bed in my village. I c-can’t handle thi-this anymore.” The feeling of putting all my cards on the table feels great even though I’m crying harder and longer than I have in years. Having verbally recounted my own story I realize how much I miss being a small child with my parents. How I miss not knowing about everything happening outside of the thick forest. How I can’t even remember the sounds of my parents’ voices.

I feel as though I have relieved myself of some of the weight that was constantly pushing on my chest, and yet I feel as though I’ve burdened the four who listened to me. They don’t need my drama along with their own.

Wiping away my tears and snot, I finally notice that all of them have tears streaming down their own faces. I’m confused, why are they crying? Before I can voice my concern, Kris puts his long arms around me and hugs me tightly to his chest.

“I’m so sorry.” He apologizes brokenly. A soft sob falls from his mouth. He pulls away. I blink. Roughly, he wipes away at the tear streaks on his cheeks. “I understand the pain that you’ve gone through, I never realized that you could have experienced some of the very things that we have.” He starts. I sniffle and wipe at the snot dripping from my nose while he tells his own story. “While I was in the castle, I was looked at like the leader among the Charmers there. There were a handful of them who would always confide in me, and ones that I saw as my own brothers. I watched nearly every one of my brothers get tortured every single day, and I did nothing to help. I couldn’t do anything to help, and to this day…that’s the one thing I regret most in this world. Having to watch them and leave them to suffer through the punishment in the castle on their own. All I could do was hold them and try to console them after they’d been hurt and traumatized. I couldn’t protect them in the ways that they needed it most…” he fades off and covers his face with his hands as his crying wracks his body.

“I’ve also been rented out.” Luhan nearly whispers. “With Gaia to Charmers…it’s normal. Especially of Charmers who are raised especially to be of use in the bedrooms of the Gaia. I’ve been through…the same. They…they treated me as if I was a toy, and they hurt me as if my physical pain was a kink they could have and get off on. I-I didn’t know it happened to…to you…to humans as well. By Charmers and other humans no less…” he stares at the ground as if he’s trapped in his own memories, and I realize why he was so hesitant to talk to me about his job in the castle.

He was a sex worker.

And I’ve made him relive the embarrassment, shame, and fear that comes with it…twice now.

I am the world’s worst kind of person.

Jongin’s sobs gets louder all of the sudden, but before anyone can console him he’s gone. I stretch my arms around Kris so that he can cry in the embrace of someone else. It’s less lonely with someone with you through it. I glance over to see Tao side hugging Luhan. The elder of the two still zoned out in his own world. Face blank and hard.

None of our stories are special.

None of us are special.

Our trials and stories are shared by billions throughout the planet. Yes, my life was the one on display right now, but I know that it is no better or worse than their own. Everyone has secrets and a past that resonates differently for each person. Some are stronger and can handle more, others can’t handle as much. But it doesn’t devalue the pain and troubles of anyone else. If anything, I can say that a new understanding has been discovered.

They had assumed that I lived an easy life, and that I was a shit to them because I was just like every other Gaia and human girl they had known. I had assumed that since they were Charmers and had lived in the castle with all of the important Gaia, that they were like the people who had treated me as awfully as I’d been treated. That they’d had the advantage of being raised as the privileged and elite. We were all looking at the other thinking that they had it better off, only to find out that the same people we envied…were the people who envied us.

The grass is always greener on the other side, huh? How fucked it is to come to terms with the reality that life its self is fucked. Not just our own, but life as a whole. Everyone is dealt a hand of cards, and it just so happens that most Gaia are given the better hand every time.

With all of my guards down at once for the first time, I can see that I wasn’t the only person hiding. We all are.

Damaged.

Every single one of us have our own scars; none of us were without some shitty past, but the thing that tied them all together?

Gaia who abused their power, and this fucked up social order.

Once the emotional shit show in the living room calms, Tao walks me back to my room. As if I can’t walk on my own. I’m fully capable of climbing stairs, but I let him do it. If not for me, for his own mental sanity. With all that’s happened, I know that he is just as distraught and scrambled as I feel…even if he isn’t showing it as vividly as he usually would.

Of all of us, he’s the only one acting as though he has some kind of mental stability.

Someone has to.

It just sucks that it has to be him this time. If I could, I’d rewind time and take it all back. Tao didn’t deserve this. He should have never met me. We should have never met me. He’d be better off. He’d have found Kris and have stayed with Kris. He wouldn’t have made trips back and forth to the 3rd ring. He wouldn’t have had to save me. He wouldn’t have had to deal with the stress I’ve added to his life. Tao is a good person.

I’ve just added to ruining his current life…

I’m left alone in my room after confidently telling Tao that I will be okay by myself. I have to say it nearly 50 times, but he finally concedes, hugs me and closes my door behind him. I lie on top of my blankets and stare at the darkness above me.

I feel suffocated. It’s entirely too quiet, and it’s suffocating me. There is no way I’ll be able to force myself to sleep with such little noise. My thoughts are too loud, and my surroundings are too quiet.

I turn on my lamp and sit crisscrossed on my bed.

How am I going to go to bed?

I’ve been asleep today already...or passed out…who cares. It’s the same thing.  

I jump when Jongin appears cross-legged right in front of me on my bed. Does he not make any kind of noise when he ‘poofs’ from place to place?

“Jongin!” I say in surprise. I thought he was gone for the day.

“Can I stay here another night?” he asks suddenly. My eyes widen at the boldness of his question. I don’t even have to think about my response.

“Yeah. Of course.” I have an extra soft spot for the boy, and if he wants to sleep here, then he can sleep here god dammit. “As long as you talk and help me fall asleep.”

He hums in agreeance. He scoots next to me at the head of the bed, and I raise the blanket so that the both of us can shift under it.

“I’m sorry.” I stare at his face after my apology. “I didn’t mean to scare you…or the rest of the guys. It won’t happen again, so don’t worry about me anymore. I don’t like seeing you guys so high-strung just because I’m such a disturbance.” The words come out even more apologetic than I had intended. At the sad sound of my words, I’m reminded of just how much trouble I’ve caused while being here. Both intentionally and unintentionally.

He doesn’t even address my sad apology. Instead, he changes the topic entirely. “Do you want to know why I showed up the way I did that one night?”

Random.

I do want to know, but I honestly don’t know if I’m ready to. With all of the crying, and talks of stories past, I’m emotionally worn out. Even so, I’m still curious to hear what he has to say. I won’t force him to if he isn’t ready though. “You don’t have to…if you aren’t ready.”

“I want to.” He says immediately. His large brown irises are determined. From the moment he ‘poofed’ into my room he has had this serious look. The sadness and tears from earlier are nowhere to be seen. “I need to.” I keep my mouth closed so that he can have the entirety of my attention.

“I lost my best friend that night…” he blinks, gaze locked on my own. The impending severity of the story makes my heart rate speed up, and I want to look away so that I don’t have to see the raw emotion in his eyes. And yet I can’t get myself to do that. “I lost my best friend Taemin. We were both taken to the basement of the castle a few hours before. We were supposed to dance for some guests of the Queen, but they were unsatisfied with our performance…so we got dragged away.

“I got put in a cell and got a few lashes, but Taemin wasn’t as well off. I watched them kill him from the bars of my own cage. They put him on this- this thing that we call the rolling pin and stretched his body out until he was ripped in half. I can still hear him screaming sometimes when I’m alone…” He pauses. “They let me go after warning me that the same would happen to me if wasn’t less careless.” I listen in horror. My throat dries up as his words emotionlessly tell me about his recent experience.

“I…don’t remember going outside after that. I don’t know how long I just sat out in the rain, but at some point I just wanted to leave. I knew…well I know that I would have to come back to the castle, but I couldn’t be in the castle any longer. I felt like _I_ was dying. I really hadn’t planned on showing up in your room…I just wanted to leave, and for some reason this is just were I felt like I needed to be.” I burst in to tears for the hundredth time at his confession. He smiles somberly while whipping at the wet tracks.

“It’s okay not to be fine, you know. Sometimes you have to admit to not being fine first, before you can learn how to deal with it. If you keep telling yourself that you’re fine when you aren’t…you’re only making it so that it’s harder to deal with later on.” I let out another ugly sob. He rubs my shoulder with a small smile on his face. “You were there for me, and I’m going to be here for you. It’s okay not to be fine.” I clutch his shirt tightly and pull myself into him. My body shakes violently from the new wave of emotions, and Jongin patiently holds me while I let it out.


	18. 16. Whatever You Do, Don't Blow Your Cover

October is close to ending…and with its end comes my impending departure. November 7th is the day I go. Each day that passes by is one day closer to my first test at the castle. One day closer to actually being inside of the place that has ruined so many lives. One day closer to having to leave the guys…

After the day of breakdowns, or the Tearmageddon as I like to call it, everyone has changed. Whether it was because of _my_ breakdown, or their own, I may never know. Regardless of the cause, it’s obvious that everyone is treating me differently. Even Tao.

I feel like a child with the way that everyone is coddling me nonstop. I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but I _almost_ miss the way things were when I first got here.

Kris tries to be secretive about it, but I can see the constant worried glances in my direction. If I hadn’t noticed that then I would have noticed how I wasn’t allowed to do anything for myself if he was around. Trying to open a pack of macaroni? Kris is right there taking it from my hands and making it himself. Tring to wash my clothes? Nope. Kris has got it. Already washed and folded better than a sheet a paper. If he could wash my back, he probably would. Luckily, they let me have my room to myself...usually.

Tao…hmm Tao hasn’t changed _as_ much. But the clinginess has stepped up. He doesn’t leave to go to the 3 rd ring anymore. He always sits in on my lessons now, and only takes a break when Jongin takes over. For the past 4 nights he’s been sneaking in to my room and falling asleep in my bed without my knowledge. It’s only when I woke up earlier than him one morning that I caught him. After some begging on his side, I allowed him to have one more night. But he can only choose one between now and when I leave. It might have been a bit harsh…but sleeping is the only time I have to myself these days. With all of them watching and flanking me by day, night is the only time I can relax.

Luhan is a weird case. Sometimes he just outright stares at me as if he’s trying to look in to my mind or something. It doesn’t stop unless I wave my hand in his face or physically shake him out of it. He gets so focused on his creepy staring that he forgets what he’s doing at times. When he isn’t staring he is also weirdly clingy. I feel like a chew toy that is fought over between him and Tao. Outside of his occasional creepy behavior, training becomes significantly less frequent and intense. I don’t know if he’s doing it because I’ve learned nearly everything, or if he’s doing it to take it easy on me. Either way, I’m relieved. We focus mainly on behavior in the castle.

How to address the Queen.

How to address royal advisors.

How to address royal relatives.

How to walk in heels.

How to wear royal clothing.

Of all of the recent lessons, figuring out how to walk in Satan’s stilts was by far the most difficult. They looked nice yes, but they were an accident waiting to happen. It’s a miracle that I haven’t busted my ass in them yet.

Whenever Jongin shows up, we take trips to the 2nd ring shopping center so that I can get some practice with behavior.  Now, here is where I really noticed personality changes. In not only Luhan, but Jongin as well.

Let’s take a look at our most recent trip, shall we?

_“Jongin, that is the 5 th guy you’ve glared at and we haven’t _entered _the shopping center yet._ Calm down. _” I whispered harshly. I’d been able to learn how to keep an eye out for my Charmers while coming off as distant to the rest of the world. If I have to be a bitch, I’m going to be a bitch who still watches over her Charmers._

_The sounds of my heels clicked unevenly against the pavement as I sauntered around the busy area. The sound of a low growl from behind me made me glower in agitation. “Jongin, I swear on my life-”_

_“It wasn’t me this time I swear.” I abruptly turned around and grabbed the both of them by their wrists. That’s it. We needed to have a talk. I dragged them back out of the area and made them sit on a bench. I crossed my arms across my chest and looked at them frustrated._

_“What is with you too? What happened to the whole silent and submissive thing, huh? You two are glaring at, frowning at, and fucking_ growling _at other dudes now? Either of you care to shine some light on this situation?” Jongin pouted angrily, and Luhan looked off to the side stubbornly. “I’m waiting!” I said loudly. The two of them jump at the volume of my voice before turning their attention to my shoes. To the Gaia and Charmers walking around, I probably looked like someone about to punish her Charmers. As a normal occurrence, not many people gave us a second glance._

_Jongin had taken on the role of my unofficial protector, and even though he wasn’t supposed to be doing it, he was unusually aggressive towards other men when we were all out in public. With the Gaia he was his quiet and invisible self, but oh boy. If a guy so much as got too close the usually fluffy boy would turn in to another person._

_It scared me as much as it scared them honestly._

_We had quickly become even closer, and while he was doing most of the protecting, I still feel the need to protect him. Even if he is being irrationally protective for someone who has no reason to be. No one is going to hurt me here. I don’t know why they don’t get that._

_Luhan was a different story, yet again. His attacks on others were usually way more direct. It took me a while to notice it, but if a lone Charmer was around and happened to look in our general direction he would…mess with him. He would make them trip, make things fall from their hands, make things fly into them. Make them walk into things. And at times, I’d noticed that he’d make people completely walk out of the way._

_They were getting out of control, and if they accidently pulled one of their little stunts on a Gaia…I wouldn’t be able to protect them…_

_“So are we just going to sit in silence or is someone going to answer me?” I asked the pair again._

_“Sorry. We’ll stop it.” Luhan said finally. He mumbled something additional under his breath, but I ignored it and let it go. We didn’t have the time for this._

So, now I dread having to go out in public with the two of them. Here at home it wasn’t nearly as bad. Jongin went back to being his fairly quiet and cute self, and Luhan went back to being…well Luhan. But I could still tell that something was off.

If not from my own intuition, Tao’s suspicious smiles would have warned me that I was missing something. If we were alone and Luhan happened to walk in, he would smirk and stick his tongue out making sure to cling to me tighter. Usually Luhan would retaliate by making him bite his tongue in the process. And yet despite the pain, Tao would continue to aggravate him. With Jongin he just seems confused as he follows the boy with his eyes. I’m not entirely dumb, and Tao isn’t very good at hiding things. And from the behavior, it feels like they’re hiding something from me.

For the life of me I can’t figure out what it is.

“Tao. I need to talk to you.” I walk in to his bedroom and close the door behind me. He turns off the tablet that he had been playing on to look up at me skeptically. We both know that I don’t usually come in to his room unannounced. Unlike how he enters mine.

“Why?”

“Put away your attitude for like 5 minutes. That’s all I’m asking for.”

“…alright. You have 5 minutes.” I jump onto his bed and fold my legs under me. Where do I start?

“You know how I’m going to leave soon right?” He hums in acknowledgement. “When do you think I’ll be back? I’m getting more nervous, and worried that I won’t see you guys after I go there.”

“You’re going to come back after the first round. Don’t worry about never coming back until we see if you make it to the second round of evaluations. You’re thinking too far ahead right now.”

“You’re right…but, I don’t know…”

“Listen to me. Calm down. You’ve done great, if you make it in then great. You’ve succeeded, and even if you don’t, you can always come back here. As much as I hate to admit it, Kris and Luhan like having you here, and I almost feel like I have to fight for your time with them. Which is still fucked because you’re _my_ best friend, and _some people_ want to pretend like that fact doesn’t exist.” Emphasizing certain words, he glances at his door with a frown. “Either way, it’s all going to be fine.” He leans back against his headboard. I sigh.

“What if I don’t want to go to the castle anymore?” I voice. He looks at me patiently. “I…I don’t know if can do it. I want to stay here. I’m tired of being moved from place to place, and this is the first time I’ve felt like I belonged somewhere in almost 10 years. I don’t think that I can just leave like that.”

“You think you’re the only one who’s going to have a hard time letting go?” he asks with a scoff. “Kris is constantly asking me if I still think he should let you go in. He’s like 3 seconds away from trying and convince you not to go in. If I have to hear him say ‘are you sure we should let her go? I don’t think we should make her go’ one more fucking time, I think I’m going to scream and just dress like you to go _myself_. Luhan is basically your bitch now, and I don’t know how he’s going to deal with it when you’re actually not in the house anymore after all that’s happened. He barely lets you leave the house as it is, and even then _you_ know how he acts.” He crosses his arms over his chest petulantly. “When all this is over, Jongin is the only one who’s still going to be able to see you and he’s the one who’s known you for the shortest amount of time. I’m your best friend for fuck’s sake, and you’re going to leave me to go live in luxury for god knows how long. Do you know how upset that makes me?! I don’t want you to go either, I’m letting go of my best friend for this. But it’s not about me. It’s not about us.

“You have to do this. Even if you don’t want it, I don’t want it, and they don’t want it. This is bigger than just us, and none of us can just hide out in this house for the rest of our lives. If it’ll make you feel any better, go talk to each of them. Tell them how you feel. Let them tell you how they feel. Don’t act like you’re in this by yourself.” He shoves my shoulder and smiles softly. I keep forgetting that everyone is risking something for me to do this. It’s nice to know that I’m wanted here…but he’s right. I have to do this.

For all of the humans and Charmers who are suffering.

“Thanks Tao.”

“Yeah whatever. If we’re done here I need to get back to doing some research.” He picks his tablet back up and turns it back on.

“You’re researching something?” I lean in to see what he could possibly be interested enough in to actually research it. He flicks my forehead and pulls the tablet further out of my line of vison.

“Yes, and I can’t find anything about it on here. Mind your business.”

“I want to know what you’re trying to find out! Maybe I can help. Tell me.”

“No. It’s _about_ you, and I was told not to tell you anything about it until we figured out more about it.” He says as if that shuts down the conversation. I don’t care if the Queen herself told him not to tell me. He can’t just throw out bait like that and expect me not to go after it. If it’s about me, I have the right to know about it.

“So you all _are_ hiding something from me!” I jump up on my knees and reach for the tablet. He quickly exits out of the programs and turns it off. “I knew it. Just tell me, you asshole.” I throw myself towards him, reaching for whatever sensitive areas I can touch. If he won’t talk, then I’ll tickle his ass to death.

“I can’t!” he starts laughing. “I swore-I swore to ke-keep it to myself for now.” He swats at my hands while wheezing for air. Yes. Suffer.

“Yah, what do you think you’re doing in here?” I pull away my hands to see Luhan standing in Tao’s doorway with a frown. I climb off of Tao who is still giggling from being tickled, only to feel slightly embarrassed.

Along with a bit…upset? Mad? Jealous?

The feeling feels misplaced. Like it doesn’t belong with me.

“I was talking to Tao. I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to talk to him in his room.” I slide off the bed so that I can stand up beside it.

“That didn’t look like talking to me.”

“Who peed in your soup this evening?” I ask while crossing my arms over my chest. “Would you rather I talk to you then? We can always go to your room.” I say jokingly. His frown falters slightly, and I can clearly see the light blush starting on his cheeks. That’s the first time in a while he’s gone speechless from being teased.

“Yeah, maybe you can answer her questions. Since you know, you’ve got the whole bo-” I hear Tao’s yelp before I notice the soccer ball that was once on the ground by my foot has now ended up on his bed. Tao rubs at his forehead where the ball connected and mumbles under his breath. Did he throw that ball at his face?

“You got what?” I frown at Luhan who is now smirking in Tao’s direction. “Hey! What do you have? Why isn’t anyone answering my questions?” I pout and wave my arms around in frustration. I’m getting really sick of all of this. I huff and grab Luhan by his wrist. “We aren’t finished here Tao. I’ll be back after I deal with Mr. I-Can-Make-Things-Float.” Pulling Luhan behind me I walk directly out of Tao’s room and to Luhan’s bedroom door.

“Are you really coming in to my room right now?” he asks incredulously.

“Yes. Open your door. You want to have a fit in Tao’s room, let’s go in yours. Let’s talk.” I reach out to turn the handle, but he slides his body between mine and the door immediately. The smell of his clothes plus whatever soap he uses hits me full force at this proximity. I swallow nervously and take a small step backwards.

“G-Give me a minute. I need to, uhm straighten up.” He says, flustered. He slips into the room while watching me to make sure that I don’t sneak in behind him. It’s not like I haven’t gone in his room before, but this is probably the first time he’s _known_ about it.

I stand patiently for about 2 minutes before my impatience wins over. I open the door to see him frantically shoving stuff under his bed. Even with his time to clean up, it’s clear that his room is normally a mess. My room has clothes strewn on the floor in some places, but little Lu either has _too_ many clothes and no space, or just doesn’t use his drawers and closet at all. While it looks like a pig sty, it still smells…surprisingly nice.

“Your room is a mess.” I say, making my presence known. He scrambles on to his feet.

“I told you to wait!”

“You said to give you a minute. I gave you two.” I reply with a smile. I settle myself on the edge of his unmade bed and pat the spot beside me. I know he doesn’t like people on his bed, but irking him is one of my best abilities. Instead of the glare that I was expecting, he looks at me with discomfort. His uneasiness is apparent, and the more awkward that he acts the more awkward I feel.

So maybe forcing my way in his room was a bad idea.

But he didn’t object as much as I thought he would.

So really it’s his fault.

Finally, he sits down as far away as he can from me. Why are they all so fucking weird? I roll my eyes and shift myself to that I can look at him directly. “What are you guys hiding from me?” there’s no point in beating around the bush.

His eyes widen only for a second, before he puts on the mask that I’ve seen him use to hide behind when he _is_ hiding something or lying. “We aren’t hiding anything.” he sounds entirely too relaxed for it to be true.

“You’re a liar, and you suck at hiding stuff. Just tell me.”

“No.”

“Luhan seriously.”

“I’m being serious.”

“No, you’re being elusive.”

“Wow you’re using big words. Good job.”

“I’m going to hit you.”

“Be my guest.” I groan loudly and fall onto my back. He is going to be the death of me. His sheets smell really nice… “You know, if you’re in the castle…you’d really have to hit people right?” he says suddenly. I let my head roll in his direction to look at him once again.

“What?”

“If any of the Charmers or humans talk back to you in the castle. You’ll have to hit them. It probably won’t happen often…if at all, but if it does…”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I just remembered. It’s one of the only things I’m worried that you won’t be able to do…and if you don’t do it, you could put yourself in danger.”

I push myself back up into sitting position. “I don’t understand why I have to hit-”

“If anyone speaks out of turn to you or the Gaia, it’s normal for them to punish that person. If you’re around other women, and you don’t hurt that person, you’d be putting both your own life and his in danger. That’s just how it is.” he looks dead serious as he speaks. “After how you’ve gotten use to us talking to you any way it might be a problem to have to switch out of that.” He raises a fair point. I like the banter, talking back to one another is normal to me. Would I be able to catch it when someone did it around the Gaia?

“…okay.” I respond.

“You think you can do that?” he asks surprised.

“Yeah, let’s start with you, you little dickhead.” I raise my hand up jokingly, but the actual fear that flashes on his face in that first moment makes me drop my hand not even a second later. “Oh no, I’m sorry! I was just joking I didn’t mean- I uhm, fuck I’m sorry!” I crawl over to him panicked at the reaction that I caused. I didn’t realize what I was doing. I’m such an idiot, I didn’t think that through. Frazzled I start patting him; I don’t know why I’m doing it, but it’s the only thing I can think to do after scaring him.

“Stop it. I’m fine. Why are you doing this?” Luhan blocks his face with his hands and starts to laugh at me. Here I am, trying to soothe him and he dares laugh at my (albeit questionable) methods.

In a last ditch attempt to stop my roaming hands, he reaches out to grab my arms so that he can hold them together and away from his face. His laughing dies down, but his smile is still there. “You’re so weird.”

I smile nervously, afraid of making a repeat offense even with my hands under his control. I look down at where we’re touching, and notice how close we’ve suddenly gotten. Probably my own fault since I went on a pat attack all of a sudden. When I look back up his expression has changed. He appears to be deep in thought. Lost in his mind like he’s being doing constantly these days.

Man, I wish I could just read minds so that I could know what goes on in all of their heads.

“You should slap me.” He says finally. I arch an eyebrow at the statement. Did we not just figure out that that’s a bad idea?

“Why?” I scoff. He blinks twice.

“You just need to.”

“Once again, I ask ‘why’? I don’t see why I _need_ to slap you.” I purse my lips as I attempt to decode his fearful but anticipating expression.

“Because of this.” He leans in and closes the rest of the distance between us by pressing his lips to mine. I stiffen and widen my eyes purely because this is _not_ the turn I expected the conversation to take. He pulls away and closes his eyes as if waiting for me to _actually_ hit him. When I don’t, he reopens them.

So stupid.

He’s so stupid.

“Why aren’t you-” I press my mouth back against his sufficiently shutting him up. This time he freezes up. I pull back only slightly, my lips still brushing against his.

“Shut up, and just kiss me.”

So stupid.

I’m so stupid.

We’re so _fucking_ stupid.

After my encouragement, he kisses back. Enthusiastically. Almost too enthusiastically. He lets go of my arms so that he can move them to more useful places. I use the opportunity to wrap my arms around his neck and pull myself closer.

It’s messy, uncoordinated, and thoughtless. Our bodies moving faster than our minds. A part of me felt as though this was inevitable. We hadn’t talked about what happened that one night where we let ourselves fall victim to the stupid thing called hormones, and ever since it happened there’s always been this stupid slight tension.

It felt like I had some elastic string tied to my soul that connected me to him. It felt like my body wanted to be near him at all times. Like I was supposed to be around him at all times. I wanted him to be around me at all times.

But I couldn’t act on that. No. I have sense…I _had_ sense. I knew that whatever it was, was irrelevant. I was thinking irrationally and I let a crush go too far. That was it. I wasn’t sure if Luhan felt the same and I wasn’t going to jeopardize…whatever it is that we have…had just because my thoughts would stray in a direction they shouldn’t about him. Maybe they’ll go away after this.

God, he’s so good with his mouth.

I tilt my head farther to the side so that I can reach farther with my own tongue. A dance for dominance begins, and he pokes and prods around my own mouth as if he’s mapping it out for future use.

If I remember correctly, he liked having his hair pulled. I thread my fingers in the strands and tug softly. He leans into the pull, and lets out a throaty moan.

Jackpot.

I giggle at the discovery.

He smiles a mischievous grin and his grip on my sides tighten before he pushes me backwards on the bed.

In this way. At this time. Like this. None of this is allowed. I shouldn’t be here with him, and he shouldn’t be doing this with me. Not like this. Even as clothes are lost, skin caresses skin, kisses are stolen, sin melds with sin, I can’t help but let the feeling of this brief moment of bliss consume me.

Because as soon as this over...

As soon as we’re done…

We have to go back to being who we are.

Not just a boy and a girl.

Not just two people consumed by this feeling of lust. This feeling of being wanted. This feeling of being appreciated in a way that feels different from what we’d both become accustomed to _this_ feeling like.

No.

He would go back to being a Charmer.

And I would go back to being a human.

We would go back to putting ourselves in check. We’d go back to harmless teasing while keeping in mind the importance of keeping it all just that.

Harmless.

I just hoped that I could pretend that we weren’t that for just this little while longer. That we could let it mean something for just this once. That we could mean something slightly _more_ for just this little while longer.

* * *

 

He really is too gorgeous to be a real person. Having fallen asleep while holding me to his naked body, I’ve given myself the chance to stare at him in his state of peace. No smart comments. No false expressions. Just him. Calm and quiet.

I take my hand and push the sweaty strands on his forehead back, only to watch them fall back in place. His mouth hangs open slightly, and I do nothing to hide the smile it gives me. I don’t know what we’re going to do from here. I don’t know what we _can_ do from here. Do we pretend this never happened? Are we going to talk about it when he wakes up? Do we even need to?

The little elastic string’s pull doesn’t go away. It feels as though it’s strengthened and I don’t think that that’s necessarily a good thing. I run my fingers through his hair again and then let them drag down his face.

I still feel confused.

Are there any feelings outside of our momentary slip in to lust? For me, I can’t exactly say. I like him…yes, but is it any more than just that? I feel more protective and dare I even say possessive over him than the normal person, but it isn’t anything extremely shocking. I always feel fairly possessive over people I’ve gotten close to.

He couldn’t possibly think of me in any other way though. He hated me when I first got here. Nearly as much as I hated them. I’d never picked up on any serious display of affection with him. He was always joking and kidding around when he teased. I’m never sure what’s true.

I run the pad of my thumb across his cheek one last time before lightly pressing my lips against his so as not to wake him. For just this this moment I was able to just be a girl and he was able to just be a boy, and that was enough for me. I’ll have to lock it all away in a new room within my emotional fortress, but at least this time it won’t have to be labeled as a bad memory. The string and it’s pull, the thoughts of what could possibly be more, all to be put away so that I can protect it. So that I can protect myself.

I can’t like him any more than I already do. I’m afraid to, and I can only pray that it doesn’t get any worse for either of us. It’s neither the time nor place for such…things.

Maybe in the next life, perhaps.

I sit up in the bed and hold the sheet to my upper body as I scan the room for my discarded clothes. I need to get out of here before we’re caught. Would we get in trouble for this? It’s not illegal, and yet I feel like I would die of my own shame if Kris or Tao happened to walk in. I don’t know how long I’d been with him, but I don’t need to risk a minute more.

I gently slide myself out of the bed, letting my gaze linger on the sleeping boy wrapped up in his white sheets before focusing on redressing myself.

Damn him and this messy ass room. I have no clue where my clothes have vanished, but at this point I’m going to settle for anything. I pick up the shirt closest to me and sniff it in hopes of it being somewhat clean.

Thank goodness.

I slip the shirt over my naked form and pick up a pair of shorts from nearby. These clothes seem to be the clean ones.

Or at least the somewhat clean ones.

I glance at him one last time before slipping from his room and back to my own. I quickly grab my own clothes from my dresser and head to the bathroom to shower and clean myself off.

* * *

 

“Can you let me go? I want to watch TV without being suffocated please.”

“No. You’re leaving tomorrow. I’m not letting you go, and I’m sleeping with you tonight.”

“I’m coming back. You’re holding on to me like I’m leaving for 20 years. Weren’t you the one who reminded about that?”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to just let you go easily.” I roll my eyes at Tao’s childish antics. “I’ll hang on to you until the very last second.”

The comment makes me smile. “You and I both know you won’t be able to hang on to me for much longer. There’s a limit even to your clinginess.” He shakes his head defiantly.

“Not until the very last moment.” He says determined. His arms tighten around my waist and he buries his face further into my stomach. I shake my head and turn my attention back to the television screen. If Tao wants to suffocate himself in the material of my shirt, so be it.

An advertisement for a new version of the ever so popular wrist communicator shows up on the screen. A new model specifically for Gaia to buy for their Charmers or humans. I wonder what makes it so special. “Tell me how much you love me June.” I hear from below me. I look down at Tao who is now looking up at me with expectant eyes.

“Why are you asking this of me right now?” I ask him.

He shrugs. “I just want to hear you say it.”

“I love you so-”

“Use my name.”

“You’re an actual child.”

“Shush. Go on.”

I glare at the man child with his head in my lap. “I love you, _Tao_ , so much that if you lost a lung, I would give you one of mine.”

“That’s dumb. Then you’d die, you idiot.”

“I know.” I say passively. “That’s how much I love you. I would honestly give up my own life for you if I had to. You’re basically the closest thing to family that I have, and –as you love to remind me- you’re my best friend. I love you Tao more than all of the stars in the universe and all the grains of sand on the Earth. I want to strangle you like 90% of the time, but I’d just strangle you with all of my love.” I say cheesily.

Tao blinks in shock. Then a grin stretches over his face. “That was the greasiest thing you have ever said, and I am in physical pain over how disgusting you just made me feel. Keep your love. I don’t want it.” he returns back to pressing his face into my stomach while I stare at him appalled.

I smack the side of his head angrily. “Remind me to never tell you anything nice again.” He just laughs his high-pitched laugh into the material of my shirt. His grip around me doesn’t lessen, and that gesture in itself lets me know that he was joking around. I think I just took him off guard and he had no way to think of an honest answer.

As long as he knows that I mean it, I could care less if he pretends to reject my love. As long as he doesn’t let me go _until the very last moment_.

* * *

 

Today’s the day. I kind of want to vomit, and I kind of want to run 20 laps around the house. Who am I kidding, I wouldn’t run one lap around the house if there was gun to my head.

I squirm out of Tao’s vice grip so that I can retreat to the bathroom to shower and get dressed. It’s only around 7am and I don’t have to be there until noon, but I figure if I dress faster then I’ll have less to worry about when the time gets closer.

5 hours.

Tao lies unconscious in my bed with his limbs spread haphazardly even as I leave the bathroom after having freshened up. The sound of his snoring lets me know that he is indeed dead to the world, so I drop my towel and pull on my underwear without another thought. I glance over my shoulder and I see that he is still asleep. Great.

I force myself into the pretty lavender dress that Tao and I decided I would wear. Luckily it still fits. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that the weather has gotten colder I realize that maybe this isn’t the best outfit choice any longer. I could wear tights with it maybe. And I have a coat for when we go outside so that my arms don’t get too cold. I’ll live.

I pull the white heels out of the closet and sit them at the foot of the bed. They’re such nice shoes, I’m so glad I was talked into buying these.

I pad back over to my dresser and sit down on my bed.

Tights.

What color tights do I wear?

White? Black? Grey? Red? I don’t know how to color coordinate and thinking of any of the tights with my dress just doesn’t feel right. I just won’t wear the tights. It’s not even that cold yet. I can feel Tao stirring in the spot next to me. Might as well wake him up fully. I close the drawer loudly and said boy sits upright.

“What time is it?! Are you about to leave? Why didn’t you wake me up!?” He scrambles off the bed in haste and nearly lands face first on the ground.

“Relax. It’s not even 8 yet.”

He crawls back up on the bed with a yawn. “Why are you dressed so early?” he asks. He rubs his palms against his eyes in an attempt to get rid of the sleep.

“I was too anxious to wait. Go clean yourself up, you look like shit.” I pat his bed hair and leave the room first.

The smell of food cooking reaches my nostrils as soon I’m halfway down the stairs. As good as it smells, my stomach is in way too many knots to even consider eating it. If I even look at it, I think I may feel more sick than before.

“Morning.” Kris says from his spot by the oven. He’s wearing an apron and it’s actually the cutest thing I think I’ve ever seen. He’s like 20 feet tall and looks like an angry athlete and yet here he is making breakfast in an apron like a parent. I don’t do a very good job of hiding my amused expression, but he just smiles, rolls his eyes, and continues cooking. “Are you hungry?”

“Not really. It smells great, but if I eat I don’t think it’ll stay down very long.” I admit.

“That’s fine. Don’t eat if you can’t.” He says simply. He turns around and sets some bacon on a plate next to me. His eyes flicker over to my outfit. “Why are you dressed?”

I shrug. “I was nervous. Wanted to get it out of the way.”

“Well while I’m finishing up in here, why don’t you go wake up the other two.” I nod and hop down from my seat at the kitchen island. I’m so mad that I can’t eat. It looks so good, but even at the thought of food touching my insides I feel my stomach clench defiantly.

I open my bedroom door to find my room empty. Looks like he went back. I turn around and knock on Tao’s door before slowly opening it. He sits on his bed sliding on his shoes. “Hey, breakfast is almost ready.” I announce. He hums in acknowledgement. What a lovely chat.

At Luhan’s door, I hesitate.

You see, the two of us haven’t exactly talked much after I left his room that afternoon without a word. I think that he’s upset with me, but he hasn’t said a word about it. He hasn’t said a word to me. I can deal with if he was mad and he told me. I can deal with yelling and I can deal with talking. I can’t deal with suddenly being thrown away and ignored. It’s been a week and Luhan hasn’t said a single thing to me about anything, and I think that’s what hurts the most.

I raise my fist and knock against the wood as soft as possible. One second passes. Two second passes. I hope he’s still asleep. I can just go back stairs and say I tried. Letting out the breath I’d been holding while waiting for the door to open I force myself to turn and walk away.

“June.” I stop in my steps and squeeze my eyes closed. He just _had_ to come to the door didn’t he. Guarding my expression, I turn back to face the guy.

“Kris says breakfast is almost ready.” I say. I turn back around only to be stopped at the sound of my name once again.

“June. Wait a minute.” I hear his steps behind me, so I face him before he can turn me around himself. He looks shocked at me having turned to face him willingly. “I…um. Can we talk for a minute?”

Talk? He wants to talk now? No. I don’t want to _talk_. I don’t want to hear what he has to say after a full week of being completely ignored. “Sure.”

Dammit. Mouth, you had one job.

I follow him back to his bedroom only to see how much cleaner it was since I was last in here. He sits on his bed and pats the spot beside him. I give him a wary look. With heavy legs, I trudge over and sit in the spot he left for me.

We sit in silence after that.

I have no intention of talking, so if he doesn’t speak up soon I’m going to go ahead and walk out. When he turns to start speaking, what he says is the last thing I expected him to say at the moment.

“Are you ready to leave for the castle?”

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

My temper flares. I can’t believe him. That’s what he has to say? That?! What kind of absolute idiot is he? I look at him heatedly. “Am I ready? That’s what you pulled me in here to ask?” I stand up from my spot next to him. “You haven’t said a single word to me in a week, and that’s the first thing you have to say?” I ask incredulously. He looks away from my eyes, and I let out a groan of frustration. “I didn’t mean to make you hate me.”

He looks up in confusion. “I didn’t know that doing that would make you hate me. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew it was going to make you ignore me and push me away. I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry that we messed up again, and I wish it never happened anymore. I just want you back. I just want my friend back.” I wipe at the tear that has fallen. Fucking hell. I didn’t mean to start crying in front of him. With all of my worries about today and the sudden flare in anger, crying was the only thing my body seemed to think to do. He’s going to dislike me even more now. I clench my fists, close my eyes, and look at the ground.

Weak.

I’m so weak.

I feel his arms securing themselves around me. He rests his cheek against the side of my head. “I don’t hate you, dummy.” He mutters. My fists unclench at the comment. I open my eyes in surprise. “I could never hate you…I just…I was angry at myself. I didn’t mean for you to be this affected by it.” He rests his hands on my shoulders and holds me at arm’s length. He looks me directly in the eyes, nothing but genuine feelings in his own.

“Wh-I don’t…why…”

“I could have handled it better, but trust me. You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. I should have stopped it before it even started. I was punishing myself after and so I figured avoiding you would be the best way to do that. It’s just this stupid bond just makes it all harder-” he slaps both of his hands to his mouth to physically keep from saying any more.

But it’s too late. I heard it.

I definitely heard him.

“Bond…what bond?” I ask. He shakes his head quickly.

“Nothing, its nothing.”

“Luhan…what…bond?” he steps backwards as I advance towards him. Is this what they’ve been hiding? Something about bond? What’s a bond? Who’s bonded? “If you don’t tell me, I’ll ask Kris myself.” I threaten. He makes no move, so I sprint towards the door.

“Okay I’ll tell you!” he shouts. I stop my movement and he sits on his bed defeated. I cross my arms and wait. He looks between me and the door before sighing heavily. Murmuring something under his breath about being killed. “We…we don’t know much about it. But sometimes humans can bond with Gaia and Charmers. It’s a rare thing, and almost never happens.”

“And what do we have to do with that?”

“That’s the funny part.” He chuckles nervously. “Kris, Tao, and I think that you and I might have maybe…possibly bonded.”

I drop my arms. “What?!” I shout. He jumps up and covers my mouth with his hand.

“Shush. If Kris finds out that I told you, we’re both in trouble.” He slowly removes his hand.

“How long have we been…bonded or whatever?”

“Probably since we kissed that night. That’s when Tao said he started seeing a difference.” Tao knew too?

“Why haven’t any of you said anything to me about this? What does this mean?”

“We don’t know. That’s why we hadn’t told you. None of us know anything about this because it doesn’t happen that often. There was no reason to tell you if it doesn’t affect you yet. So don’t worry about it. As soon as we figure out more about it we’ll tell you.” He assures me. I’m bonded to Luhan. I don’t understand what the **_fuck_** that means, but at least I’m not the only one in the dark.

“Alright…” I say. “I won’t say anything about it until you guys bring it back up. I’ll forget we even had this conversation,”

He lets out a relieved sigh. “Thank god.”

“As long as we can go back to the way we were. No more punishing yourself, and no more ignoring me. If I’m not ashamed of having done it, then you shouldn’t be mad at yourself either.” I admit. A fraction of a smile appears on his face. “So,” I stand up straighter. “, let’s go eat breakfast and go back to normal. I already want to jump off the roof since I have to leave in a few hours, and I’d prefer if I didn’t have to worry about you for the rest of the day as well.”

I open his bedroom door feeling significantly less stressed than I did before. I’m glad we solved this issue. Now the waiting game begins.

After breakfast the four of us sit in the living room. I cross and un cross my legs as the nerves start to flare up again. I only half listen to Kris as he gives last minute tips and some names of Charmers in the castle that I can trust, but it all goes in one ear and out the other.

True to his words, Tao has latched on to me yet again. Our fingers are linked and he has pressed himself to my side like he’s glued there. Luhan is on my other side with his arm comfortably draped behind me and Tao.

As Kris starts to stand up and pace while rattling off any and everything he thinks I could need to know Luhan leans over and whispers in my ear. “I didn’t get to tell you before, but you look beautiful in that dress.” His breath ghosts over the shell of my ear, and I shiver involuntarily.

“You okay?” Tao asks from my other side at my shiver. I nod quickly.

“Yep. Perfectly fine.”

“…but if Chanyeol ever tries to even _mention_ his old pet ferrets then you just need to…” Ferrets? What is Kris talking about?

“You said that you weren’t ashamed about having sex with me.” Luhan whispers teasingly. I turn my head and only glare at him. I’m not going to fall into his little trap. I won’t entertain the teasing.  “You liked _fucking_ me.” He says against my ear. How is Kris not seeing this? Tao is so entertained by Kris’s pacing that he isn’t even looking at me. How are they not stopping him? Why am I not stopping him?

“When you get back we can continue where we left off…” I shiver again at the tone of his voice. A brief memory of the event flashes in my mind and I have to cover my face with a hand to halfheartedly cover my embarrassment. He pulls away and laughs quietly to himself.

“Fuck you.” I mutter.

“You already did.” He sing-songs. I smack him in the chest as he starts to laugh aloud by himself. I’m glad he’s having his fun, because I’m going to kill him. Kris stops pacing and looks over to the two of us.

“You two are talking again?”

“Yeah. We just had a misunderstanding.” I inform him. Kris nods and taps on his tablet sitting on the other couch. His eyes widen.

“Shit. You need to go soon. Your car is going to be here any minute now.”

“You aren’t taking me?” I ask dumbly.

He sighs. “Did you not listen to anything I’ve said?”

Honestly, no. “I missed that part.” I lie.

“No I can’t take you. You have to arrive on your own. I can’t go back to the castle after having run away, and you can’t show up with Luhan. I’m sorry but from here until you get back…it’s all you.” He says sadly. The sound of a car horn blares from outside. The reality of the situation sets in immediately.

“I’ll go get your shoes!” Tao jumps up to go bring my heels down the stairs. Luhan gets up to grab my coat from the closet in the hall. I stand up and stand in front of Kris. He looks down and I look up.

“You’ve got this June. Just breathe and do the best that you can. You’ll be back before you know it.” He assures. Luhan holds my coat in his arms and Tao comes back into the living room and sets my shoes on the ground beside me. “Sit.” Kris instructs. I sit back down, and let Kris gently pick my foot up. “Whatever you do,” he slips the first shoe on my foot. He picks up the second. “, you can’t blow your cover.” My foot slides in. “Not for anything.” His hand lingers on my ankle; his eyes raise back up to meet mine. “Do you understand?” I nod. I know not to say anything about this. I won’t be hurt, but if I mention it I will most likely get all of them _plus_ others killed.

He stands up and holds his hand out for me to grab on to and pull me on my feet. “You’re going to do just fine. Just go do your best.” He says again. He hugs me, and I quickly return the favor. His embrace is comforting, and here in his arms is where I wish I could just stay instead. He pulls himself away.

When Tao comes up for his farewell hug he is already in tears, and I almost give in and cry with him. But I have to be strong and get through this. The faster we do this, the faster I can come back home. He cries into my shoulder for a good few seconds before he pulls away and mutters a quiet “Í love you, come back safe.” He lets go and run up the stairs so that he doesn’t have to watch me walk out on my own.  

Luhan is far more controlled than the last boy. He smiles timidly. “Just don’t be too caring and you’ll be fine.” He says. He slips the coat on my shoulders and I put my arms in the sleeves. He pulls me into his arms.  Surprisingly it’s this moment that make a single tear fall from my eye. He pulls away slightly only to press a soft kiss against my hairline. “Make us proud babe.” He says so that only I can hear. He pulls away and wipes away the tear from my face with a soft smile.

I just have to do this and come back home. I just have to do this and come back home. I chant the thought to myself as my feet carry me down the corridor leading to the front door. All of their hopeful faces stick in my head as I walk out the threshold of the front door to the awaiting car. A long black limousine. Just do this and you can come back June.

A man holds the back door open for me with a polite smile. I can do this. With a final breath I get into the car and smooth down the front of my dress. My own nervousness is suffocating, but behind it I’m excited. I’m already excited to get back home tonight.

Unfortunately, I never did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first arc of a story i already have up on AFF. I'm going to put up the rest of the chapters I'd written on here this weekend and then update a chapter each weekend like i've been doing on there. I hope you enjoy what I've put up so far:)


	19. 17. Grass is Always Greener

The room is enormous.

The window is enormous.

The walls are enormous.

Is this room meant to hold some kind of huge beast? This room could comfortably hold like 2 full grown dragons, and yet I’m just a small person who takes up less than .001% of the space. There’s no way I’m supposed to be in here alone. Perhaps I’m supposed to have a roommate or something.

Who am I kidding, no one else lives in this room. No one does yet, at least.

A blue jay flies near the window and sits perched on the ledge right in front of me. It looks at me curiously before flying away. I place the palm of my hand to the window. It must be nice to be a bird. We were right in front of each other, but the bird isn’t trapped. That bird can leave and fly wherever it wants. I wonder how it feels to see a confined human from its eyes.

I wonder if I look like a trapped to human to Gaia eyes.

I sigh quietly and drop my hand; I tear my gaze away from the gigantic window and blink a few times to fix my burning dry eyes. I’ve been staring outside motionless for hours now. The garden outside is enormous, enormous and utterly beautiful.

As expected of the palace garden.

Everything is just so very big and beautiful, and while it’s perfection is captivating it’s just adding more towards how terrified I am.

I’m terrified, it’s all _so_ terrifying.

The bedroom itself is just as beautiful as the garden and the interior of the rest of castle. Clean, calm, and gorgeous. The walls are a striking blue that looks like the same color of the ocean. The same color I’ve seen on TV and in pictures. It’s smooth to the touch and radiates a strange warmth that I didn’t expect from an average wall. It’s comforting only in the slightest way. The floor is smooth and tiled. Each tile a very light pearl pink, each one perfect and identical. Had I not stared hard at the ground in my first hours here, I would have thought it was just a strange shade of white.

In the middle of the room is a bed large enough to fit at least 20 people lying side by side. It’s round and littered with lots of decorative pillows. The covers are white with swirls of brown and the same blue as the walls. The pillows varying in shape, size, and shades of white, blue, and light brown. It was as soft as how I’d imagined lying on clouds would feel. Like sleeping on nothing. I’d only touched it once since arriving though.

I haven’t actually _slept_ since I got here. The small naps at the window don’t count. I have fallen asleep only because my body could no longer keep itself awake, but I never felt like I actually slept. Each nap was more like a slip into a dark void. I didn’t dream. I didn’t wake feeling refreshed. I honestly felt worse after each time I fell asleep, but it’s impossible for me to not fall asleep even in my current stressed state. I just wish that I could finally find the motivation and exhaustion to really _sleep_ , and dream, and reboot.

My body needs to reboot.

Why am I not a robot?

I’ve spent around 85% of my time here sitting here on the pillow-lined ledge that looks out at the expansive garden, not looking at the garden itself, but rather staring out into the sky. 5% went towards my slips into unfulfilling sleeps. The other 10% has been divided between using the restroom and halfheartedly exploring while standing up during my trips to and from the bathroom. It’s all so beautiful, and had I not been thrown into this situation so suddenly I might have actually enjoyed looking around and finding out the secrets of the room.

But I wasn’t in the mood. This isn’t my home, and this isn’t _my_ room. So, I settle for staring out at the sky. It’s the only thing that hasn’t changed during this whole sudden life shift after all.

The sound of the door opening across the room doesn’t even startle me at this point. It’s just the human boy who comes in here to bring me my meals. He’s the only person I’ve come in contact with since coming to this room. The familiar sound of the metallic tray being set down on the large wooden table near the door is the only sound he makes. He only comes in to bring meals, and when I don’t eat them he silently carries them back out. He says nothing. And I’ve made no attempt to say anything either. What is there to even say?

Hello fellow human, you are here too? I am human as well. Are you well?

Fuck no. We both know our places, and we know that the other is doomed no matter what words of positivity we have to offer. He will die of unnatural causes after the Gaia in the castle no longer want him, and I will stay here until I fuck up something myself and die at the hands of my Queen.

My Queen that I have yet to actually meet.

I haven’t even gotten a good look at him. I glanced at him briefly when he came in the first few times, but I can’t get myself to take a good look at him or to touch the food he delivers. I can’t even find a reason to entertain the thought of eating a meal. At the thought of consuming anything besides crackers and water my body has the urge to fall on the ground and cry out in anguish.

So I decide not to eat in fear of falling apart. In order to keep myself calm all I can do is stare out of this window and get lost in my thoughts. They begin to drift back to the happenings of the week before.

* * *

 

_The car pulls up to the large gate that leads to the last and innermost ring of the Capital. The first ring. The castle. The driver talks in hushed tones to someone out his window before the gate slowly opens. We drive in and pass houses that are each 3 to 5 stories high. It takes around 15 minutes before we reach another gate. It opens like the first, and I know that we’ve finally reached the castle itself. The car slows to a stop, and my heart thuds painfully against my ribcage._

_It feels like it’s going to jump out._

_I reach for the door handle before pulling back. I have to wait until the door is opened for me._

_Not even 5 seconds later my door is pulled open by the man who drove me here. I swing my legs out of the vehicle letting my heels touch the concrete of the ground. Standing up to my full height I shade my eyes from the sunlight. Sitting in that car with its heavily tinted windows for almost an hour had made this sudden exposure all the more difficult. I squint and blink a few times hoping that my vision clears up soon. After giving my eyes a moment to adjust I can finally see the exterior of the castle up close._

_It takes my breath away._

_I have to crane my neck just to see the top from where I’m standing here at the entrance steps. It looked big from afar, but here right in front of me can I really accept how truly grandiose it is. An exterior that I thought was light blue turns out to be shiny and silver. Not metallic like the buildings in the 3 rd, but like rock with the same reflective quality as silver. It just reflected the color of sky and appeared blue from a distance. _

_Looking behind me I can see that my driver has already taken the limo and begun driving back down the long driveway off the castle property. Now, I’m truly on my own. I close my eyes and picture the faces of Tao, Kris, and Luhan. I let the thought of them motivate me to move my feet forward._

_I focus back on the front of the castle. At the top of a set of wide stairs is an entryway guarded by 8 women wearing deep purple outfits that look a lot like protective clothing. Their faces are stoic and they pay me no mind even as I walk up the stairs and right passed them._

_The chill from outside vanishes as the warmth from within the castle encompasses me. Tall pillars hold up the structure. Each one a beautiful and pure white with flecks of a light pearl pink. They stretch up to the roof nearly 6 stories high and stand strong and proud. The floor sparkles, and looking down it appears nearly transparent. Small glimpses of color being the only indication that it isn’t just glass. It must be some kind of mineral. The stairs are the most noticeable thing upon initial entry. They’re wide like the ones outside but are covered by a cream rug with purple trimming similar to the outfits of the women outside. The lead up to a second floor hallway. I can’t tell what’s beyond that._

_A woman in a dark grey pantsuit greets me. Her red hair is slicked back into a tight bun that pulls her facial features back. Her straight face looks even straighter than I assume it is when she lets her face loose._

_A nod of her head is all that I’m given before she wordlessly leads me to a different location. From just her demeanor I can tell that she doesn’t like me. Probably doesn’t like my kind either. She seems irate, but is working through it to appear polite. She looks as though she doesn’t want me here._

_Trust me lady, I don’t want to be here either._

_After traveling around the stairs and to a foyer with the same shining floor as the entrance hall I notice the 6 figures kneeling before a large chair. A large chair is in front of them and in it sits a woman who I don’t_ think _is the Queen. She doesn’t seem like it at least. She scowls at the lot of us and looks entirely disinterested in this whole meeting. She couldn’t be the Queen. The Queen wants us here right?_

_I glance around the room and see frail men around the room along the walls. They look weak and small. I can only see the crown of their heads, their faces are parallel to the ground. I rip my gaze away from them and catch the eye of the woman in the chair. I bow at the waist and then look her back in the eyes. Eyes that are a piercing blue. Her hair is long and blonde and cascades down her shoulders in tight curls. I swallow and transfer my gaze to my white heels._

_I situate myself at the end of the row of girls, and kneel next to the 6 who are already here. I hope I’m not the last._

_Assuming that she isn’t the Queen, I don’t fear looking up at her like some of the others in this row do. It feels as though we are being observed like fish at a market. It’s nerve wracking and I feel lower than I ever have under her emotionless gaze. She just stares at the 7 of us before directing her attention behind us. “2, 3, and 6.” Her voice is loud and commanding. All of us jump at the sound. Hearing her finally talk makes me realize that I must have been the last to arrive. How embarrassing._

_The sounds of snapping resound in my ears and I blink rapidly at the sudden sound. The next thing I know, the girl next to me -and 2 others- collapse lifelessly to the ground. 3 female guards stand behind their unmoving bodies after having silently come up and broken the girls’ necks. I’m stunned speechless. My mouth drops open, and I quickly snap it closed. What just happened?_

_The woman waves her hand allowing the guards to drag the motionless bodies away. She rolls her eyes. “I really despise when these kinds of women pretend to be humans just to get into the palace. Pathetic.” My eyes widen slightly._

_They weren’t even human._

_I risk a glance to my right to look at the other girls. The 3 others were shaking, some more than others, while I realized I had barely reacted at all. I was shocked…but I wasn’t scared. I knew that this is what I was getting in to._

_2 of the girls burst into tears on the spot and begin to beg for their lives. I wish that they’d just be quiet. It seems riskier to make noise than it is to sit silently in this situation. They don’t seem to realize their pleas are only making our situation worse. It was obvious that the 2 of them had never even seen mutants before. I honestly don’t even know if they really knew what they were. Their clothes are so similar to what I can remember wearing before coming to the capital. Brown. Comfortable. Unnoticeable. They must have been taken directly from a village and brought here. Their cries seemed to not affect the woman in the chair at all._

_The other girl, well she wore rags. Much closer to the clothes I was wearing not even 5 months ago. She was shaking, but it was clear that it was from anger rather than fear like the other 2. She must have been dragged here against her will from the 3 rd ring. _

_I could see the hate in her brown eyes even from my spot, and I’m the furthest away from her. She looks tense, as if it’s taking every ounce of control that she has to hold back from doing something stupid. I wonder if this is what I looked like to the boys the first days I was there. Hateful. Angry. Hell, **I** was afraid of her. Or at least I would have been if I thought that I was in danger of being at the receiving end of her hatred. I turn away from the others and look down at my hands that are resting on my knees. _

_I stand out, that much is clear, and it makes me feel even more anxious. My clothes are clean, colorful even. The bright lavender shows that I’m not from some random slum in the city, even though I_ **am**. _Had I not been dragged to the 2 nd ring I’d look just like the girl with the hate in her eyes. The girl who shows as much hate as I felt. The hate I still kind of feel, but have push away for a select few Charmers. I look and feel the least apprehensive out of the 7 of us…erm well I mean 4. I feel like a **traitor**. _

_Willingly here._

_Trying to get into the castle._

_I’m a traitor to my own kind. It’s humbling in such a painful way that I have a brief thought of getting up and walking back out. Going back and taking back my promise to do this. They would understand right? How can I go in with a clean conscious after seeing that I’m the only human girl here that wants to do this? Had there been at least one other, then I wouldn’t feel as burdened. But there isn’t. It’s just me. I swallow my saliva._

_What am I doing?_

_The woman in the chair just stares at us in silence for 30 minutes. 30 long minutes filled only with the sporadic sobs of the 2 crying girls taken directly from their villages. Her eyes land on me and she just glares. I blink back. I just wish I could calm my pounding heart. Am I going to be the next to die? Without removing her eyes from me she says, “Take the rest of them to the Southern Preparatory for Girls.”_

_The girl that reminds me of myself stands up on her feet at that and looks as though she’s going to fight back. I look at her with wide eyes. She’s going to get herself killed! The sound of the guards moving into action leads to her pull a large piece of glass out of her boot. And before the guards can get to her, she slits her own throat._

_I see the glass slicing through her skin roughly and my stomach twists in revulsion._

_Some would rather die than be under their kind. I understand that feeling well. I felt the same way. I turn my head away to spare myself the sight of the blood and paling of her face. It’s never fun watching someone take their own life. Her body thuds to the ground, and the girls go into hysterics. I look back to her limp body and suddenly all I can hear is static. It all begins to move in slow motion. The guards come back up to us._

_I’m tossed over someone’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes. The other 2 are dragged away thrashing and sobbing even harder than before. I can’t even get myself to react. I look back to the woman who was supposed to be in charge of the judgement in terror._

_How could she just sit and watch this all happen?_

_Shouldn’t she be doing_ something _?_

_Her eyes lock with my own. Her face doesn’t change as she looks at me. Slowly, exhaustion overcomes me, and I fall into a deep sleep._

* * *

 

I woke up here in that bed a week ago, and I haven’t touched it since. I didn’t want to lie on that thing in fear of falling asleep as unwillingly as when I arrived. When I woke up I thought that I had just dreamt everything up. I thought I was waking up in my bedroom at Kris’s house, and I kind of wished that I was waking up in my village. After such a horrible nightmare of an experience, I was hoping that _everything_ was just a figment of my imagination. Life would be so much easier if it was all a dream.

But it wasn’t.

When I realized the bed was too soft to be my bed back home, I jumped off and stared around the room. It took a handful of moments to focus my eyes and clear the haze in my brain. After realizing I didn’t know where I was, I ran directly to the closed door that I knew had to be the way out, but it didn’t budge. I had to force myself to breathe slowly and calm down. I knew I wasn’t hurt, and I have plenty of space.

But I still felt trapped. I still _feel_ trapped.

My instincts told me to scream out for Tao or Kris or hell even Luhan, but I caught myself. I wasn’t supposed to blow my cover. If I start yelling out their names, then I would end up doing just that. It’d all have been over before it had even started.

So for now, I’m stuck here.

I’m stuck in this room with no communication with the outside world except for the quiet boy who comes to bring me my meals.

I had hoped I would have at least been able to tell them all goodbye, but by the looks of it…I don’t think I will ever be able to.


	20. 18. The Beginning of the End

I munch on a cracker while watching the sun lower further and hide itself behind the large evergreen trees in the garden. The sky darkens and the garden lights begin to flicker on one by one like they’ve done consistently at this time of day for the last few days.

Probably since forever.

Reaching into my box of crackers, I pull out a handful. Somehow I’ve managed to survive off of this single box, and the glasses of water that have been accompanying my meals. The crackers aren’t anything special. Not particularly tasty, not extremely gross. Just, average salty crackers, but they’re still the only thing I’ve been brought that I could even think of eating so far.

It’s probably because I’m still nervous.

About what exactly?

Well a lot of things. Too many things. _Everything._ I’m definitely not as scared as I was on day one of my arrival, but I’ve found that I’m just as nervous nonetheless. A huge list of questions has been plaguing me day and night; questions that I have no answers to at all.

When will the Queen show up? That’s the biggest one so far. She hasn’t yet and there’s no telling when I’ll be brought (or dragged) from my room to meet her. When will someone come in to force me to shower and clean myself up so that I can actually meet the Queen who seemed so desperate to find a human girl? Should I have cleaned myself up before now? I haven’t changed, or showered, or even attempted to stay clean in the days I’ve been here. If it wasn’t for the musty smell my body and clothes are emitting (thanks to my nervous fucking sweating) and unkempt appearance you’d think I just got here today.

Would I die if I were to try and escape from this window? I’ve considered it. Its huge though and I see no sign of a latch or way to open it. Can I even _open_ this window? I don’t even think this is normal glass. If I threw a chair at it I’m sure it’d hurt me more than it’d hurt the actual window.

I just want to go home.

I have no idea what to expect at this point, and that alone is enough to have me on edge.  They hadn’t prepared me for this. No, that was supposed to be discussed when I came back that night. I was supposed to be at home where they would comfort me and prepare me for _this_. I was supposed to have time.

Thinking about what was supposed to happen makes the back of my eyes start to sting with the threat of tears.

But I’m not going to cry.

Not here. Not right now.

Unconsciously my hand reaches out to rest on the blue wall in front of me. _I miss them_.

My hand begins to tingle softly at my palm, and from where my hand touches the paint, a new color starts to spread out like dye in water.

Wine red.

The same as my old room.

I snatch my hand back towards my body and look at my palm with wide eyes. _Did I do that?_ I don’t have any powers; that couldn’t have been me. I hold my wrist with my other hand and watch in awe as every spot in the room that was once that ocean blue changes to the color of the walls of my bedroom in Kris’s house. From the furniture, to the pillows, to the sheets, all shift shades to match the deep red of my old walls.

What the fuck is this?

I shift farther way from the wall and glare at the room as if it’s has physically attempted to hurt me. I know I should be comforted by the color; It’s the exact same after all, But I’m not. It makes it all worse really. It’s like the room itself is actually mocking me.

Sucking up the mix of fear and anger at the newly colored room, and hoping that the wall can undo what was just done, I lean forward and place my hand back where it was and think of the blue it once was. It takes a few seconds, but the tingling returns and the original color spreads out from below my palm just like before. I watch in wonder as it once again changes the walls and everything that had turned red right back into that ocean blue.

How interesting.

I shift away from the wall again in fear of accidently causing it to change. I frown while curling up into myself so that I can stare aimlessly back out at the garden and push away thoughts of the walls that change color.

Going back to my previous task, I pull another cracker out and toss it into my mouth. I let the cracker sit on my tongue until it gets grossly soggy. I cringe when I swallow.

As the spit soaked cracker slides down my throat another idea of escape passes through my mind. If I can’t jump out the window maybe, I could just starve myself. The idea is tempting as hell at this point. If I starve myself to death before anyone gets here, then I won’t have to stay. After that gruesome introduction to life in this palace the first day, I sure as hell know that it isn’t where I want to be. If I stop eating now how long would that take? 3 days? A week? A week until I’m too famished to keep living? I could do that right? I’m sure no one will come and bother me for at _least_ that much longer.

Ah yes. Sounds like a plan.

Suddenly in the corner of the garden, a light appears. Different from the others this one seems to be, and it moves around. It’s brighter and far less grating then the artificial palace lights I’d gotten accustomed to seeing each night. I squint as I try to make out the source of the strange new moving light outside. Is someone playing with a flashlight or something out there? Or is that just an actual physical ball of concentrated light?

The door to my room creaks open, and I find myself frowning even deeper. I’ve been frowning quite a lot recently. I close my eyes shortly in agitation after have been disturbed. The first time I find something interesting to do, and I’m interrupted. The light outdoors slowly fades out and I mentally groan. Well there goes that moment of fun.

I hope the boy will just drop off my food and leave quickly like he usually does. When I don’t hear the sound of metal touching the table I will myself to turn around. What the hell is he waiting on-

Fuck.

The boy isn’t there. In his place is a woman. She isn’t holding a tray of food, and she doesn’t seem to be very apprehensive with staring me down as I am her. She can’t be any older than 25. Maybe not even older than 20. She’s absolutely beautiful, and I feel even more gross and mediocre that normal in her presence. Dressed in a light silver gown, with hair that’s long, dark brown, and falling down her back in soft waves being held back with a glittering headband, she’s easily the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. Her eyes are rimmed with brown eye makeup, and her lips tinted a soft pink. I bet she’s just as breath taking without her make up as she is without.

There is a sort of light to her, and the numerous trinkets that adorn her body show her importance. Rings on her fingers, bracelets up to her elbows, an anklet that’s a shining gold wrapped around her calf. My eyes roam back to her face and I realize that the white headband holding her hair out of her face is decorated with dragon’s breath stones of various colors.

Dragon’s breath stones. Stones so rare that only royals are known to wear them. Stones so precious that _specifically_ only the Queen wears them.

Then it all clicks. _Queen Yongsun_.

I jump down from my ledge at the window and throw myself on the ground, tucking my head to my knees all in the same breath. Well in one breath metaphorically. I can’t breathe honestly. Now knowing that I’m in her presence I can’t even get myself to think properly. Being in this room alone with her is all too overwhelming. Why is this happening so suddenly? Why wasn’t I prepped for this?

This isn’t how I thought I’d meet her. I imagined being brought to a room like the one I was picked in, a large room with a big chair and a cold floor. She would sit in her chair and look down at me as I kneeled and showed her my most polite self. I never in my craziest nightmares thought that she’d just walk in on me being sulky by herself. No servants, no warning, no announcements, no nothing. This isn’t the impression I wanted her to have of me. This isn’t the image I wanted to show her.

Oh God, this is the end. This is _my_ end.

I’m going to be cast out, or even worse killed because I was here glaring out of the window and not at her feet the second that she walked in. I mean she _did_ kind of sneak up on me, but that’s not going to matter to anyone when they decide to have my head fucking chopped off. I had to have appeared rude. I _was_ rude, and it was all because I was getting unreasonably angry at the poor boy who just brings me my food. I turned to face her annoyed, and god, that in itself is enough to have me killed.

I fucked up and I haven’t even _started_.

“Stand up.” She says sternly. Even through the command I can tell that her voice is just as melodious and beautiful as her appearance. I pick myself off the ground making sure to keep my gaze lowered.

_You should never look the Queen in the eyes. Under any circumstances outside of her own command._

Well I fucked that one up when she walked in. Sorry, Luhan. How do I apologize to her? Should I just start begging and hope for the best?

I start formulating the apology that I have to give for my life to be spared in my head when she starts to laugh. Not even like…a delicate giggle or a muffled snicker. She starts to full on guffaw. I blink as the sound of her loud laughs accompanied with claps bounce off the walls in the otherwise silent room. She’s laughing so…freely.

“You really are as interesting as they said you were.” She says with a hint of amusement still in her voice. Her heels click as she crosses the room over to me. I tense.

Her hand grasps a lock of my hair, and she takes it between her fingers before letting it go; choosing instead to walk around me. She isn’t supposed to touch me. Is she? She circles me and I don’t even dare breathe in fear of offending her. She walks in a few circles before stopping right in front of me.

She isn’t even supposed to be this close to me I thought. I’m beneath her. Why is she acting this way? Luhan said that she wouldn’t look at me, touch me, or even talk to me unless she had a request. And yet here she is, doing the exact opposite of what he said would happen.

I start to have a minor mental breakdown.

What am I supposed to do? Nothing that Luhan has taught me is going to come in handy. All of that is being thrown out the window as I speak. I’m actually going to be on my own through this. I might as well have just skipped the lessons. I haven’t changed clothes since I got here. I’m still in this dress and I’m sure I smell like a garbage can. I feel gross and the Queen is going to have me killed for it.

I’m going to die here. Fuck, I’m going to die. She must be planning how to kill me right now. I let out a shallow breath.

“Look at me. Let me see your face.” I follow her command without hesitation. If Luhan and Kris’s words are going to be useless then I might as well just do exactly as she says. Anything that she says goes. Her eyes are brown, bright, and observant. I attempt to keep an unwavering gaze. I can at least do that much.

I can’t believe I didn’t recognize her as soon as she walked in. I’d been so used to seeing her face around the 3rd ring nearly every day on the e-boards and buildings it should have been ingrained in my mind. I’m a fucking _idiot_.

She smiles and her eyes shrink into crescents. What did I do? She reaches out and pulls me to her bosom in a hug. Yep. This _definitely_ isn’t what he said would happen. She pulls back letting her hands remain on my shoulders. “What is your name little one?” I blink, surprised.

My name. Oh god don’t tell me I forgot my name again. Please brain. Work. _Work dammit_. “I um, I’m- my name is June.” I stutter out. Dammit. Nice going. Weirdly enough, her smile only brightens.

“And how old are you?”

“I’m 19 I think. I haven’t kept a very good track on my birthday. Miss. Ma’am. Miss Queen. Your uh, your Highness.” I cast my eyes to the ground and cringe at myself. I need to make a mental note to slap myself later on. I’m really messing this up right now.

“Call me Solar.”

“S-Solar.” I repeat nervously. She grips my hand and pulls me over to my rarely used bed. We both sit down, but she doesn’t give me my hand back.

“Where did you live before?” she asks softly. She strokes the back of my hand slowly, her own is soft and delicate.

“I lived in the 2nd ring.” She nods slowly at the statement.

“And did you belong to anyone in the 2nd ring?”

It’s a relief that we came up with a back story. I don’t know if I would have been able to answer these questions without revealing too much had I come in with no practice. Especially not with my scattered and terrified mind right now. “No ma’am I uh, I lived with a few friends.”

“Do you remember the last time you got your shot?”

“Sorry?”

She only smiles and shakes her head making the jewels on her head twinkle as they hit the light at different angles. “No, no you’re fine. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. The shot given to young girls to prevent pregnancy.” She clarifies. Oh that thing. I got that as soon as I got my first period. A long ass needle was stabbed right into my hipbone by Momma, and she told me that it lasts up to 10 years. They take away the chance of pregnancy by altering your hormones all together. You can’t get pregnant if your uterus refuses to form the lining needed to grow a fetus.

“I think around 6 years ago.”

“Ah well then you’ve got some time before your next one, that’s good.” She observes. She looks down to where she has been rubbing circles on my hand. “We’re having dinner soon, and I’ve been told that you haven’t been eating what I’ve sent up.”

I blanch. “I um I haven’t been hungry ma’am-”

“Solar.” She cuts in.

“Solar.” I repeat. “The food looked and smelled delicious, I just…I couldn’t get myself to eat it.”

She looks up with furrowed brows. Oh no this is it. Did I offend her? “Well I hope you can manage to find an appetite tonight because I’ve prepared a welcome dinner for you.” My eyes widen. A dinner for me? “Go clean yourself up. I’ll chose an outfit for you.” She stands and pulls me up with her. I’m pushed in the direction of the bathroom.

She closes the door for me, and I’m left alone for the moment. “What the fuck.” I whisper to myself. She seems so…so nice. And friendly. She seems like the type of person whom you’d meet and instantly become friends with. Not like the evil Queen who allows all of the shit that happens in the world to happen. There’s no way this is the same person running the world.

I turn my back on the door and take a good look at the bathroom for the first time. It’s stark white and almost blinding. I place my hand on the wall and feel the same warmth I did in the room. I wonder if these walls change as well.

I want it to be sky blue. I want it to resemble the sky.

As soon as I think of the color it begins to spread from my fingers to the rest of the room. The stairs that lead up the gigantic bath tub becomes flecked with the light blue of the walls. The towels on the counters and stacked in a space in the wall change as well. The sink handles, the rug in front of the shower, the closet door, the toilet seat, and even the couch in front of the full length mirror change their colors. How cool.

Oh shit, the Queen is waiting on me.

Once I remember that I have the most powerful person in the _world_ waiting for me in the other room I all by rip my clothes off before running right into the shower. I close the glass door behind me and for good measure pull the blue curtain along the inside so that no one can see me. A small rack with a loofah, soap, shampoo, and conditioner hangs next to a wooden bench.

I turn the water on and grab the soap bottle. _Summer Mist_. I pop open the bottle and sniff it. “Whoa…” I murmur to myself. It smells amazing. I wet the loofah and dispense the soap on it so that I can quickly wash my body. As quick as I can, I wash my hair as well. I turn off the water and open the door. I reach for a towel hanging next to the shower door and wrap my body in it.

I grab another and rub it harshly against my hair to dry it off. Searching through a few drawers I find a bunch of headbands, and settle for a grey one to pull my hair back. I twist my hair into a braid to save myself from having to eat dinner with the Queen with drying messy hair.

It’s still wet, but at least it doesn’t look as messy. Walking out of the bathroom in my towel, I’m surprised to see the Queen still sitting on my bed waiting. She stands up upon my entry. I hesitantly walk over to find that she’s picked out my outfit. Underwear, bra, and all.

Creepy.

I stand in my blue towel and stare at the clothes and then back to her. “Go ahead.” She says encouragingly. Isn’t she going to leave?

“Um…” she motions towards my towel, and I feel 5 thousand times more uncomfortable. Okay, this is weird, but it isn’t that big of a deal I suppose. Blocking out the fact that she is just staring at me, I drop the towel and let it pool at my feet. Stepping into the panties and bra I’m stunned at how well they fit.

I shouldn’t be. I’m sure it wasn’t that hard for someone to figure out my size. This is the castle, and there’s no telling what happened while I was asleep and carried here. Her eyes never shift away, she only watches with a small smile.

With a heated face I dress myself and slip my feet into the slippers given to me. She smiles wider and brushes her hand along the crown of my head before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

It’s softer and more intimate than I’d like it to be, but she’s the Queen. I can’t exactly stop her. I opt to subtly scrunch my face up in discomfort while her lips linger on the skin of my forehead. She finally detaches, takes my hand back in her own, and leads me towards the door out of my room.

Never letting go of my hand she practically drags me out and down a set of stairs. She moves so fast for someone in heels that I can’t even take in the grandeur of the castle. Paintings along the walls and cream carpet along the floor is all that I’m able to distinctly point out.

The closer we get to the dining room and away from my room, the stupider feel. This outfit is absolutely ridiculous. I hope this isn’t the only type of clothing in that bedroom closet or else I’m going to be in trouble. I wonder if I can request new ones. The sound of talking gets closer, and my stomach drops.

Gaia.

We enter the room and I see a long table stuffed with food of all kinds. There are only around 20 women at the table, and I know that there is _no_ way they are going to eat all of this in one sitting. It’s enough to feed a small army. All of the women are beautiful and dressed in clothes that are surprisingly casual. Shirts, dresses, skirts as if they’re here for a dinner after a day out. None of the faces are familiar. Not shocking.

What _is_ shocking is what I find along the walls. Boys and men of various ages. All wearing white clothes that look dirtied and old. Each of them unmoving with their heads bowed to the ground. Even without seeing their faces I know that they are underfed and sickly. Ridiculously malnourished for people in a room full of food. They stand out along the golden walls of the room and yet none of the women in their chairs pays them any kind of attention. I assume that they’re humans. Just like the ones in the decision room that first day.

Seeing them makes me want to eat even less than I did before; had I not been used to seeing stuff like this then I might have cried. But I do know about this. I’ve seen it firsthand plenty of times, but I hadn’t expected to see it so openly right in the castle. I didn’t know that this was how things truly ran around here.

The lack of attention, food, and clothing given to the boys is appalling, but I keep the thoughts and feelings to myself. I can’t do anything about them. Not now at least. Not yet.

The assumption that the people along the walls are human is confirmed after looking away from them. Healthier men without proper clothing walk in to bring even more food to the table. They have on different kinds of pants, but walk around without shirts of any kind. Their hair is styled up and out of their faces.

I almost miss the fact that some topless men are sitting under the Gaia at the table. The women sit in the laps of the Charmers as if they were their own personal seat cushion. Not every woman has a Charmer under her, but she would look at those who did with envy.

These women just wanted a reason to flaunt their Charmers. This was some fucked up show of the men that they controlled. They were trying to make one another jealous, and I could see it was working. Some Charmers are personal servants; others seem to be maids…but what is the purpose of the human boys along the walls?

I brek from my thoughts when the room quiets as soon as the Queen and I stand at the head of the table next to a heavily cushioned chair. All eyes (of those allowed to look) are on us. The Queen in all her regal glory, and me in a white blouse, pink skirt, and bow around my neck.

I feel and look like a fucking poodle.

I desperately want to at least rip the bow from around my neck, but I would rather stab myself than intentionally disrespect the Queen…again.

“I would like to introduce you all to the newest addition to the castle.” She pats me on the butt twice making me to squeak in embarrassment and step forward away from her hand. I bite my lip to hide the humiliation creeping in at her action. This is so demeaning. I look around the room only to meet the eyes of disinterested Gaia and lowered gazes of their Charmers. I clear my throat and glance back at the Queen who is giving an encouraging smile in my direction.

“Hello. I’m, I’m June.” I bow politely. “Please take good care of me.” Someone scoffs sending the room back into talkative chatter like before. I can feel the heat in my face rising at being treated so…so disrespectfully. But no one in the room seems to care. The Queen sits in the seat at the head of the table and pats her lap twice.

Ugh.

I have no more pride as it is. I mentally roll my eyes and set myself in her lap. So embarrassing. This is _so_ embarrassing. She holds a spoon full of rice up my mouth. Mentally I smack it from her hand and demand to be allowed to eat on my own, but I open my mouth despite my thoughts. Letting her feed me like I’m a fucking child.

My stomach starts hurting soon after, but I continue to open my mouth when she holds something up for me to swallow. I see the looks that some of the women cast me, but they soon roll their eyes or go back to talking to the other Gaia. Looks of either disgust or silent judgement. I wish they’d just eat their fucking food and leave me out of their thoughts.

Their Charmers sit in silence and let the women talk and stroke their faces without complaint. Some of them look entirely uncomfortable, and others show no emotion as if they have become accustomed to being a seat cushion.

“You should let me borrow him sometime. I’ll even let you use mine for two nights.”

“In your dreams. No one wants your Charmer. Have you seen him? You’ve gotten all of the use out of him.”

“At least yours has been able to fuck you. Mine won’t get hard no matter how hard I try. Even punishing him won’t work.”

“Looks like you’ve done all you can. I suggest getting rid of him yourself. If he can’t do his one job…what use does he have?”

This conversation is making me sick. All of this is making me sick. Are Charmers really only used to have sex with the Gaia? Is that all they see them as?

The Queen claps two times and the talking lowers. A boy around my age, dressed like all of the Charmers I’ve seen so far comes sauntering into the hall. He’s tall and well-built. His expression is unreadable. His hair is black and pushed up like the others, and his eyebrows are immaculately trimmed. His pouty lips are turned in a frown.

He’s gorgeous.

He leans down and the Queen whispers in his ear. I can do nothing but stare at the gorgeous boy and try to figure out why he looks somewhat familiar. He gives a curt nod when the Queen is done and stands back up. As he’s turning around I realize why he seems familiar.

He reminds me of a taller version of Luhan at some angles. My heart squeezes at the thought of the man I hadn’t seen in over a week. I watch pitifully as he leaves. Angry red marks mar the otherwise smooth skin on his back, and I don’t have to think too hard to figure out the cause. Fingernails. My cheek is pinched affectionately by the Queen. I tear my gaze away from the boy.

“Be excited. You’re about to see something absolutely magical.” She says with her eye smile. I frown and look away from her bright expression. I’ve seen magic. And it isn’t all that impressive. What could she possibly find so amazing that she herself is excited. She can use magic too. Why is this so _magical_?

The boy walks back in, with someone beside him. Another Charmer by the looks of it. The boy is obviously tanner than the pale boy who kind of reminds me of Luhan. His hair is lighter than tall Luhan only slightly. It’s probably just dark brown. I squint suspiciously as I try to make out the face of the new boy. He seems familiar as well. His face and body seem both familiar and unfamiliar from where I’m sitting.

It clicks and my mouth drops open. This person’s face and physical body…I definitely know it. But his attitude is entirely different. His personality is entirely different. Before I can stand up in shock the Queen is clearing her throat. I forget the idea of getting up, and settle for gaping at the male instead. The Queen flicks her wrist; music fills the hall.

He walks up the Queen and I; after giving us a bow and smirk he takes each of our hands in his. He presses a soft kiss to each of our hands. Honestly, I feel embarrassed. I’m dressed like a clown and I’m sitting in the Queen’s lap like a child. This isn’t how I thought I’d see him, and this isn’t what I wanted him to see.

But similarly, I’m unfamiliar with the man in front of me. This isn’t what I expected to see of him. This isn’t the Jongin that I know.


	21. 19. Something Old, Something New

The boy in front of me pressing his lips to my hand is entirely different from the boy I thought that he was. The boy I had learned that he was. This isn’t the cute and reserved guy I’d come to know and cherish over the past few months; but even so, as much as I hate to admit it…this new persona is kind of turning me on. Like the others, he has no shirt on, but he had on black pants that seem to be made of some leather like material. His hair is pushed up out of his face, and this is the first time I’ve ever seen him with a hair style other than his normal bangs in face. His eyes are rimmed in kohl eyeliner and it seems like he’s got on other kinds of makeup, all done perfectly to make him look as if he’s glowing and flawless.

And he does.

Jongin lifts his focus from our hands and looks into my eyes for the briefest moment before he lowers his gaze once more and walks away. And in that second I saw what appeared to be relief in his irises. For what reason did he seem so relieved I have no idea.

The music continues to play around us all, and it’s like Jongin is in a different place. It’s like a switch flips in him and he loses himself in the music, moving as if it is playing to fit his dancing rather than him dancing to fit it.

He had said that he liked to dance, but I just thought it was like a hobby. I though he liked to dance in the same way I liked to draw.

Shitty, but it’s a fun way to pass the time.

But no, this was everything but shitty. This was, I can’t believe I’m actually saying it, magical. I could see him expressing himself in a way that, even after only knowing him for a short while, I knew he was rarely able to do with his words.

What made the whole thing like 10 times worse were definitely his expressions. My God his facial expressions. They were borderline erotic. I pull my attention away from the boy staling hearts on the floor to look at the women at the table and gauge their reactions; each woman he locked eyes with would squirm in her spot instinctively and nearly start to drool. He was positively hypnotizing, and had I not know that his ability was teleportation, I would have assumed his magic was contained in ability to enrapture through dance.

Because fuck, was he good at capturing the room’s attention.

His eyes find mine and I’m frozen in my spot purely from the amount of emotion showing unrestrained in his beautiful eyes in this moment. Passion, sadness, lust, and others that I don’t have the chance to pinpoint. Where is the innocent Jongin that I had come to adore? How is he able to be this different person all of the sudden?

The room bursts into applause and cheers causing me to jump slightly in the Queen’s lap. I blink rapidly while trying to remember why I had suddenly zoned out. I look around at the cheering women and then to Jongin who is breathing deeply in the middle of the room after an obviously exhausting routine. He straightens and then bows at the waist. I catch is eyes once more and he looks at me almost apologetically. Why does he look so apologetic?

His expression shifts into a smirk directed at the entire room, and then he walks out as if he owns the room. Honestly after such a quality performance, he basically does. It seems as though thoughts of eating any more have been long forgotten. The room is full of the sounds of chairs scraping against the tiled floor as everyone gets up to leave the dining room.

After the show, many of the Gaia get up and pull their Charmers with them out of the room. The hungry look in their eyes despite just having eaten leads me to make assumptions about what they’re about to go do. I can only guess what the performance has done to their hormones. Even I feel affected, but despite how much it affected me I’m not going to do anything about it. At least not with any of the many Charmers around at our “disposal”. I take in a breath and internalize the feeling before pushing it away. There is no need for all of that. Now is not the time.

The Queen taps my shoulder signaling for to climb off of her lap. She stands and runs her thumb along my cheek before turning around to face the pale boy from before. She motions for him to come over. As soon as he stands beside her can I see how tall he is. Probably around, if not slightly taller than Jongin.

His pretty much bitchy expression doesn’t falter as the Queen talks to him, so I conclude that this is his neutral facial expression. “Sehun,” both him and I look up at the sound of her voice “this is June. She’ll be directly over you from now on. I expect you to do your job well and to not disappoint my newest guest.” Both of us tense at the Queen’s words.

“Take her to her room, and bring her back to mine in 2 hours’ time.” He nods and turns around starting to walk without checking to see if I’m following him. I bow once again for the Queen and scurry over to the male who is supposed to be leading me back to my bedroom. I follow close on his heels (trying and failing to ignore the bright marks on his bare back) and begin to feel extremely burdened by my new position and title over him as an awkward tension settles over the both of us. The walk back to my room feels extremely stretched out, quiet, and of course tense. We arrive at my bedroom door and he makes no move to either enter or leave from his spot beside it.

Is he just going to stand here until 2 hours from now? I shift over and stand in front of him awkwardly. “Do you erm…do you want to come in?” I ask. He says nothing. Okay, let’s try that again. “Follow me in.” I instruct. I open my door and walk in; he follows.

I forgot I have to use commands while in here. Make that mistake number 11 since I got here. Ha, Luhan would kill me if he knew how many times I’ve fucked up already. I plop on to my mattress while he stands straight as a statue by the door.

I blow out a raspberry before getting back up, pulling one of the chairs from the table by the door in front of my bed, and then grabbing the half-naked mute boy to force him to sit in front of me. Once he’s seated I position myself back on my bed. I sit and watch him, and he sits and stares at the ground. “Do you know Kris?” I finally ask. His eyes snap up from the ground to meet mine for the first time before he quickly diverts them.

So he does.

What a relief. This makes at least one other person I can relax around. I let out a relived sigh; I’ve got something to talk to him about then. I lean forward and lower my voice to just above a whisper. “Kris sent me.” He doesn’t react to what I’m saying, but with how still he’s sitting I know that he’s listening. “I don’t really want to be here if I’m honest. I’d much rather be back home, but they told me that they needed my help. Well they wanted my help.” I continue. He still doesn’t look up.

I hold out my hand, “I’m June.” I say even though the Queen already told him. He makes no move to shake my hand so I lower it and cough awkwardly into the rejected hand. Alright, well this is uncomfortable. “Um, well it’s nice to meet you,” what was his name? Sea hoon? Sehun?   
“Sehun.” Again no reaction, but I’m pretty sure I got his name right. “I…I want my room to be a safe space. I’d like it if you’d be comfortable enough with me to look me in the eyes and just be yourself, but I’m not going to make you do that if it makes you uncomfortable. I’m not going to make you do anything if it makes you uncomfortable.”

He looks up hesitantly, and I can feel the nervousness rolling off of him in waves. He doesn’t trust me, but I wasn’t expecting him to right off the bat anyway. I offer a small smile hoping that it’s enough to comfort him. He blinks still frowning, but I push on past my own discomfort and fear that he can see every one of my weaknesses with his blank glare.

“Could I ask you a few questions about living in the castle?” he stiffens even further at the question, but nods his head after a few seconds regardless. This is good. This is progress in the right direction. I rub at my arm and try to get rid of the goosebumps that have risen from both this one-sided conversation and the cold air in the room. Maybe if we both got something to physically warm us up then we could talk a bit easier. “Can you take me to the kitchen so that we can get something warm to drink first?” he nods and stands up. “Wait a minute.” I say. We aren’t talking with him half dressed. If I’m getting cold, then I know he’s got be even worse. I don’t know why I didn’t think of getting him something to cover up with earlier.

I jog over to the walk-in closet and pray that isn’t full of doll clothes like what I’m wearing right now; I swing open the doors and am pleased to see that there are clothes in here similar to my day to day clothes at home. Jeans, shorts, regular shirts, sweaters. What a relief. I scavenge around until I find a large dark purple sweater within the long row of colored sweaters meant for me. I reach up on my toes to pull it down from its hanger. The material is soft, and not too thick to where it’ll have him sweating in the next few minutes.

I hold it up to my own body and try to compared my body to his. He is tall and broad at the shoulders. The sweater seems like a dress for me stopping mid-thigh with sleeves longer than my arms. This should be okay for him to put on I think. I drape it over my arm and scan the large closet a bit overwhelmed. How many articles of clothes are fucking _in_ here?  

Leaving with the sweater folded over my arm, I find him still in his seat looking at the ground. I stop next to his chair and hold out the sweater. He just looks at the material questionably. “It’s for you. You seem cold and uncomfortable so I figured I could give you something to wear.”

“I am not cold.” He says.

I lean down and squint as his arm which is quite obviously showing goosebumps and raised arm hair. He covers himself with his hands. I click my tongue and lean out of his personal space.

“Not cold huh?” He looks away. “Hey, I’d rather you be warm and comfortable if you’re going to have to be around me. It’s fine if you don’t want to wear it, I just thought I’d offer it.” His eyes drift back over to the clothing and wiggle it to try and tempt him. His resolve breaks faster than I anticipated. He grabs the purple sweater from my hands (making sure to not touch me I noticed) and slips it on. I look away so that he can have just a bit of privacy while he dresses.

When I look over him, I can tell that he feels way less vulnerable covered up. Now he can be warm, and the scratches on his back can be hidden from everyone’s eyes. It barely covers his entire torso, but I think it works just fine.

I smile and motion towards the door. “Lead the way, if you will.”

* * *

 

“Good evening Mistress. How may I help you?” the boy’s voice is soft. He bows at the waist and greets the both of us with a polite smile. He is shorter than Sehun and honestly he reminds me of a cat. Even with the downwards tilt of his head, I can see that his eyes are some of the most captivating eyes I have ever seen, and his eyebrows alone look like they could bench press a small car. He comes off as cute with his round face, but looking harder I can just _feel_ that cute isn’t the only vibe that he can pull off.

Unlike the Charmers from earlier he wears a shirt, and covers it with an apron. His brown hair falls across his forehead delicately.  His eyes flicker to Sehun’s sweater and widens for the briefest of moments before he redirects his eyes.  Sehun moves himself slightly behind me, and I take that as the cue to talk myself.

“Is there any tea or anything warm to drink?” I ask with as little emotion as I can muster. There are other Charmers and humans bustling behind him still cleaning up after the large dinner that was basically untouched. I don’t know who I can trust here yet, and it’d be best not to come off as any different from the Gaia unless I’m certain that I won’t suffer from that person knowing.

I just hope I didn’t make the wrong choice with Sehun.

Mechanically the boy responds, “We have tea, coffee, and hot chocolate Mistress.”

From my periphery I can see Sehun perk up at the last option. “I’ll take whatever tea you have, and some hot chocolate.” He nods again before disappearing out a door in the back of the kitchen. While what is visible here in front of me is impressive, it’s smaller than I would think the royal kitchen would look like. Maybe this is just the easy access part of the kitchen, and back behind that door is where everything really happens.

I pull out a stool at the thin island that looks into this visible part of the kitchen, so that I can sit until the Charmer can return. I drag out the other so that Sehun can sit next to me. Luckily, he doesn’t need me to tell him. “So…” I drawl. “You like chocolate huh?” I turn to face him with a teasing smile.

After looking around to see that this part of the kitchen is temporarily empty, save for us he shyly murmurs, “Yes Mistress.”

Ugh. Mistress. What kind of gross title? I shake my head and scrunch my nose. “You don’t have to call me that. I don’t how they normally do things and I don’t know if that’s just what you have to call them, but I don’t want you to call me that. You can just call me June.” He gives me an odd look, but nods in response. “We’ll both go drink in my room while we talk.” I murmur quietly. I want to warm up in this chilly place, and I want him to warm up to me.

The cute Charmer comes out carrying a tray with a pot of tea, sugar, honey, a pot of hot chocolate, spoons, and two cups. He sets it on the island in front of us. “I’ll summon a human to bring your drinks up to your room, Mistress.”

“Wait.” I look around the room, and then behind me for good measure. “Are any of the Gaia around?” I ask in a low voice.

“No Mistress. They have all returned to their rooms for the evening. Usually no one goes below the third floor after dinner.” What a lovely piece of information.

“I’ll take the tray myself then. I can hold it myself, I don’t want you to have to bother anyone for such a menial task.” I take the tray in my hands. “Thank you.” I whisper. Had I looked away a second later then I might have missed the small smile that he was trying to suppress at my words. “Come on Sehun.”

He reaches for the tray to carry it himself, but I move it away from his hands. “No, I’ve got it.” He looks at me in disbelief, but I say nothing. They don’t need to do _everything_. I can carry a tray up some stairs.

Once back in my room, I walk directly to my bed and set down the tray. I kick off my slippers, carefully climb on the bed, and sit crisscrossed. Sehun stands in front of my bed unmoving. “Come on, take off your shoes and get up here.” I say pointing to his feet.

With less hesitation than he has had before, he slides his feet out of the shoes and sets himself in front of me. He looks in my eyes boldly with furrowed brows. Eyes guarded, I know that he is still wary of my intentions.

Which is fine. I’d be wary too.

I pour him a cup of cocoa and hand it to him. He takes it between his hands, and stares at the brown liquid while it warms his hands. It looks like he’s still kind of cold. Looking around the enormous bed I see 4 blankets stacked and folded on the other end of the mattress. After stretching across the length of it, I can grab two between my fingers and pull them over. It takes a bit of balance, but I’m able to lean across the tray and toss a blanket around Sehun’s shoulders before I wrap the other around my own.

He flushes at the action, but I don’t point it out. Figures, they aren’t even used to girls putting a damn blanket around them. Wordlessly I fix my tea and let the cup warm my hands. A content sigh leaves my mouth at the feeling. I bring the cup to my mouth and take a sip. Sehun follows. I close my eyes in satisfaction, but I know that he’s still watching me curiously.

“This is really good.” I start after reopening my eyes. He nods. “What was that guy’s name?”

“Minseok.” He says. Minseok. What a nice name.

“Does he just work in the kitchen?”

“Yes.” I hum at his confirmation. I take another sip, and we sit in silence. I pucker my lips deep in thought. If I don’t gather the courage to ask my questions, we’ll both just be sitting here awkwardly for the rest of the night…or at least until I’m supposed to go to the Queen’s room. _Her fucking **room**_.

He’s just a guy.

I don’t know why I’m so afraid to pose my questions. I subtly watch him as he takes another sip of his beverage. In the sweater, sitting cross-legged, and sipping cocoa the guy looks like a young teenager. It’s cute. He blows into his cup and even with the seductive makeup on, he just looks like an adorable child.

Fuck it, I have nothing to lose. I cough to get his attention. His eyes flick up to my face before he lowers his cup. “Okay I have had like 2000 questions plaguing me since I got to this place and I’m just going to rattle them off. You don’t have to answer them if you don’t want to because it’s your business, but feel free to answer any that you want.” I ramble. He brings his cup up to his mouth again and stares with narrowed eyes. I don’t know if he’s just preparing himself or if he’s actually just glaring at me…

I hope it’s the former.

I clear my throat. “Do you like working in the palace? Like…I know that it pretty much sucks and that a dumb question, but do you ever have times when you like being here?” He widens his eyes, and then pulls his mouth into a contemplative pout.

“Yes…sometimes.” This time my eyes widen. That was an unexpected confession.

“Do you…do you have friends here or anything?” he brings his cup back up to his mouth and nods. I want to probe him further, but I don’t want to scare the poor thing away. I have to settle for surface questions for now. Knowing that, I still end up uncontrollably running my big mouth anyway. “How long have you been working in the palace? How many others are like you and were friends with Kris? How do _you_ know Kris?” I begin rattling off the questions that have come to mind and he watches with an amused expression. “Have you ever met another human girl?”

At that he tenses. His hands wrap harder around the cup and the amused expression vanishes. His eyes are immediately guarded again.

Okay…no talking about then. I totally blew this chance. I shift in my spot and lower my cup to the tray between us. “Um, well do you have any questions for me?” I ask cautiously. I don’t know what nerve I hit bringing up human girls, but it’s obvious that it is a sensitive subject.  

When he shows no intention of asking me anything, I decide to tell him stuff myself. “Alright, well you don’t really know me enough to ask questions I guess, so I’ll just tell you a little bit about myself instead.” I say lightly. I try to smile, but his cold expression makes me stop. I swallow nervously.

“I’m uh. I’m from a uh human village. That’s where I was born. I didn’t come to the Capital until I was like 10 and I lived out in the 3rd ring. I don’t know if you know what that is, but it’s the farthest part of the Capital. The people there weren’t very nice; when I moved to the 2nd ring a few months ago I wasn’t very nice either.” I admit. With a sigh I think back to first arriving. “I still don’t think that I’m very nice. I hate your kind if I’m totally honest.” I blurt out. He straightens in surprise. “But I’m working on it…you all scare me.” I scoff out a laugh. “The fact you can use magic and I could die very easily at the hand of all of you terrifies me, but I know that you aren’t all like that.

“Kris and Luhan showed me that, and that’s why I’m here. I want to help…god this sounds so pretentious.” I roll my eyes at myself. “I want to help save you all…well to save all of us, and if you can help me in any way, or find people who can help me then that’d make this so much easier. You don’t have to like me, but I’d like it if you’d at least believe in me. I’m just trying to stop all of this from happening to Charmers and humans. It isn’t right.”

His eyes soften, and I can see him trying to find any lies within what I’ve said. “Why are you doing this? Why do you want to help us?” he asks quietly.

“I’m just…tired of people close to me dying and being hurt because of power and this fucked up social ladder. I’ve watched too many humans die at the hands of Gaia and Charmers. I’ve heard too many stories of Charmers dying and hurting because of the Gaia. Kris told me that I could help stop it. I don’t know how, but if I can do anything to help them, to help _you_ , then I’m willing to take the risk.” I run my hand down my face after having spilled the beans to Sehun. If he ends up being untrustworthy then I have just signed my own death certificate. For some reason I just found it easy to tell to Sehun about the plan, to tell him about myself.

So dumb. Such a dumb move. The boy sits and stares at me with the same observant glare as before. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but the longer we sit here the worse I feel about having come clean.

“Okay.” He says after a while. He sets his now empty cup on the tray and leans further in so that he can keep his voice low. “I’ll help you.”

“Really?!” I ask loudly. I almost spill my tea and the entire tray onto my bed. I carefully resettle myself. His amused closed smile returns. I clear my throat again and try to adorn a blank frown. “Really?” I ask with less enthusiasm. His smile fully reaches his eyes for the first time as he nods. His expression is so adorable that I find myself embarrassed by it. I pick my cup back up and bring it to my lips so that he can’t see my now flustered expression.

We drink the rest of the drinks in a comfortable silence. Once we’re finished, he guides me to the Queen’s bedroom. We didn’t get to say much to one another in my room, but at least I know there is one other person here that I can confide in. And that’s enough for me.


	22. 20. You're My Baby

Sehun leads me to the room of the Queen, and after walking down a few hallways we reach the tall white wooden doors of her room. We both stand at the door in silence. I look at him nervously; he gives me a reassuring nod while waiting for me to go in alone. I close my eyes and take in a calming breath.

Here goes nothing.

I raise my hand and rap on the door a few times. Sehun stands with me; I’m surprisingly relieved to have him here with me as moral support. I know he’s just going his job, but I’d like to think that he’s waiting with me because he wants to.

“Come in.” comes the muffled response after a while. I look at him one last time before opening the door and leaving him behind. I see the worried look that he sends my way.

The Queen’s room is even more grandiose than my own (not that I’m surprised). The walls are just as high as mine, but it’s apparent that there are more parts to it than my own. While mine was just a large room with various objects, hers had different rooms entirely. It’s like a wing in itself. Before I can stare in awe any longer, arms wrap around my waist from behind.

I yelp at the sudden contact. “Relax, it’s just me baby.” The Queen’s voice coos from right beside my face. Her lips brush slightly against my earlobe and my body shivers involuntarily. She chuckles and lets me go. I turn around to face her.

She still holds the same aura as before, even in her simple pajamas and makeup free face. Her hair is entirely down, and she has on no accessories or clothes other than her underwear and a long black pullover. I feel overdressed in the outfit that I wore to dinner. She looks so…happy and relaxed, and I’m wondering how Luhan could have been so _wrong_ about her. He said that he worked under her, how could he have not seen this side of her?

“You still haven’t changed yet. Come, you can wear my clothes to bed.” She says. Her fingers lace with my own as she guides me into a different room.

Wow, sorry. Not another room, but her closet.

The closet is big enough to be a room, but instead of walls, all I can see are clothes. My mouth drops open while she makes me sit on one of the 5 couches in the middle of the room. I thought my closet was large, boy was I mistaken. She brings a hand up to her face and taps her cheek contemplatively. I watch her finger through a rack of clothes. She makes a small “Aha” and then gets on her tippy toes to pull down a white pullover in the same style as her own.

She runs over with a large smile and holds it out for me to look at. “It’s nice.” I say dumbly, not knowing what else to say to her.

“Take off your clothes.” She instructs. I grab the hem of my shirt and look at her nervously. She smiles cutely and I throw the rest of my caution to the wind. I take off all but my panties and stand in front of her while biting my lip in embarrassment. “Arms up.” I hold my arms in the air and she pulls the white pullover down over my raised arms and body. “How cute.” She pinches my cheeks and then pushes me back into the room with her bed. She jumps onto her bed like a child. I stand and stare in confusion. I’m so weirded out right now. “Come. Lie with me baby.”

Baby?

I crawl onto the bed with hesitation. She sits up and watches with bright eyes. I cross my legs under me and wait for her next words.

“How are you liking your stay so far?” she asks with her light voice.

I hate everything. I miss my home, and my friends. I don’t think anyone wants me here besides you. Seeing how the Charmers and humans here look so mistreated, sad, and uncomfortable makes me angry. I want to go home. “The castle is nice.” I tell her.

She sighs in satisfaction. “Great. I’m glad that you’re liking your stay so far. I want you to feel as though this is your home because it is. Everything here that is mine, I want to be yours.” I swallow at the seriousness in her voice. I don’t know what she’s trying to imply through her words, but I don’t think that I like it.

“June?” I look at her with expectant eyes. “I have some rules that I’m expecting you to follow. While I want you to be able to wander around freely and to enjoy yourself as if you have always lived here, I still have to put some regulations in place.”

“I understand.”

“Ah you’re so cute.” She says squeezing my cheeks again. I scrunch up my face and she giggles. She pulls away and hold up a finger. “Rule number 1, you are to call me Solar. No your Majesty, no your Highness, no Queen Yongsun. Just Solar. You aren’t just one of my citizens.” She says. I nod slowly at the request. She holds up a second finger, “Rule number 2, whenever I summon you, you are to report to me immediately. No questions asked until after you’ve arrived.” Reasonable. A third finger is added. “Number 3, if I ask for you to accompany me to an event, you must come and stand at my side.” Got it. Four fingers. “Number 4, you will be tutored every Wednesday starting at the beginning of the next year until I determine that you have been well versed enough in the laws and rules of the Royal Court to stop the lessons.” Gross. “Number 5, you are allowed to explore the castle as you want, but you are to under _no_ circumstance go below the first floor. And finally rule number 6. You should know that you can always come to talk to me about anything. I want you to be comfortable enough with me to come to me with any issues that you may have, okay?”

“Okay…Solar.” I say in response to the list of rules. All of it seem simple enough. I’ve been given enough room to basically do whatever the hell I want…which is shocking. She puts down her fingers, and then sighs happily before falling back to lie on her bed. She begins to talk casually about her day and feelings. I listen in silence.

Listening to her rattle off, I can’t help but feel that the Queen is weirdly lonely in this large castle. Even surrounded by all of the people that live here, she seems to be so alone. Maybe she’s afraid of being betrayed by the people close to her and that’s why she seems to have no friends here.

I think about my own intentions and gulp. Maybe she should be.

She seems so nice, and yet I know that she is still the Queen who treats her humans and Charmers like all of the Gaia in the world do. She is still a Gaia. She’s _the_ most powerful Gaia at that, and yet here she is talking to me as if I’ve been her best friend since birth. She’s talking to me so animatedly that I feel like this is the first time in a long time that she’s been able to ramble like this. It’s kind of sad.

This is one strange sleep over.

I would be lying though if I said that I wasn’t pulled in by her personality. Even with the greasy pet name she’s given me I still find her extremely charming and genuine.

And extremely cute.

I don’t even admit to people being cute very often, but it’s hard to deny the fact that she just is. It’s scary how easy it feels like it would be to fall into her friendly orbit. How easy it would be to just forget the mission I was sent in here for, and just live at her side being happy and keeping her happy.

It would be _so_ easy; I have to fight it. She’s no different from the rest of them I have to remind myself. Even if she’s nice to me, I can’t forget the fact that she is fundamentally no different from the rest of them.   

A few hours pass of her talking to me soothingly while I just listen and take it all in. I lie beside her and let her wrap her smooth legs around my own hairy ones. I grimace at how uncomfortable it must feel for her, and yet she seems to be unbothered by it. She finally falls asleep while holding me closely to her chest as if I’ll run off and vanish.

As much as I’d love to, I can’t.

She has no reason to worry about that. I probably won’t be leaving this place alive once everything is said and done. I stare at her resting face and frown. Something has got be wrong. There’s no way that she’s just this…pleasant. Especially to me. She must be hiding something from me. From everyone. I close my eyes and push the thought away for the time being. I’ll try to figure it out later on. For now, I’ll just enjoy being held like this for the first time.

* * *

 

The next morning, I find myself waking up alone in the Queen’s bed. A mix of confusion and unhappiness is the first thing that I feel. Where did she go? I rub at my eyes tiredly and leave the bed. After sleepily looking around the room one last time I decide to just go back to my room.

I pad across the carpeted floor to the door. I peak my head outside into the empty hallway, and slowly close the door just in case she happens to still be in the room somewhere. I rest my hands against the door and hang my head. What have I gotten involved in? I whimper quietly.

The sound of someone clearing their throat startles me. I whip around to face the source of the noise. I sigh and hold a hand to my heart. “It’s just you. You almost gave me a heart attack you know?” I say with a pout towards Sehun. He only gives me a small partial smile in return.

“You have missed breakfast. I’ll accompany you to the kitchen so that you can get something to eat.” I nod and let him walk me to the kitchen.

“Did you just stand outside of the door all night?” I ask. I sure hope not. That’d be quite stupid, but I was curious since he was here waiting for me as soon as I came out of the room.

He shakes his head. “No. I always go back to the Charmer wing unless told otherwise.” I nod again in acknowledgement. Noted.

In the kitchen, I find Minseok again and ask for some cereal. I look at Sehun. “You want some?” he hesitates and then shakes his head. I roll my eyes. Liar. “Make that two bowls please.” I tell the cute cook. He bows slightly before giving us bowls, a box of sugary cereal, spoons, and some milk. Thank goodness they still have cereal in this fancy place.

I pour some in my own bowl and then in Sehun’s. After putting in my milk, I pass it to him. He doesn’t move so I nudge his arm encouragingly. He flinches slightly. I pick up my spoon and hurriedly shovel the cereal into my mouth. The faster I eat, the faster we can both leave this awkward situation.

I swallow down the milk left in the bowl while Sehun finishes spooning the last of his cereal into his mouth. I jump down from my chair. Once again there is no one in the kitchen aside from the three of us. I thank Minseok and his small smile at being thanked again is enough to brighten the rest of my week. I grin in return and head back towards my room with Sehun trailing behind me.

“I’m just going to relax today. I don’t plan on leaving my room very much, so you can just go back and get some rest. You seem tired.” I tell him as we approach my door. I stop and turn to face him while keeping my hand on the doorknob.

“A-Are you sure? You don’t need anything? You- I mean I can just…go back to my room for the day?” he asks open-mouthed. I nod.

“Yeah. Go ahead and have some time off. I don’t need anything. I’ll find you if I need anything, don’t worry.” I give him a small smile. He takes a few steps backwards without breaking eye contact. He’s acting as if he thinks I’m tricking him. He finally turns his back on me, but a thought suddenly arises. I close the distance once again and grip the sleeve of the sweater I gave him yesterday to stop him from leaving. He’s still wearing it, how adorable.

He turns back to face me. “It’s almost December. Do you all not have any shirts?” I saw Minseok had on one, and so did some of the others who worked in the kitchen, but other than them the rest have been entirely shirtless.

His smile is sad when he responds. “We do. Most of us aren’t allowed to wear them outside of our wing. It’s just a…rule that we have to follow as servants in the castle.” He explains. “As your uhm personal servant, I’m allowed to keep it on since you gave it to me.” He looks at the ground and grips the hem of the sweater. “But I- uhm, I will take it off if you’d rather I not wear it…”

“No!” I say quickly. He looks up startled by the volume of my voice. “I mean, no. You can keep it on as long as you’re comfortable in it.” His cheeks flush a light pink, and I smirk at his reaction. He’s so damn cute, and I want to protect him with my life. “Go ahead and go. I’ll be fine here by myself Sehun.” He avoids eye contact at the sound of his name. “If you _want_ to come to my room then you can. I’m not going to be doing anything anyway, and your company is always welcome.” He looks back into my eyes and nods before walking away quickly.

I smile at his retreating form and enter my bedroom. I throw myself onto my mattress and sigh happily. _It’s nice to be back in this room_. “Wow…never thought I’d say that.” I mutter to myself. I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of the gigantic and soft bed under me. What the hell is this thing even made of? It’s definitely not a normal mattress.

“I miss Jongin…” I hum absentmindedly. No one is here to talk to me, so I revert to talking to myself. I mean…I _could_ go get Sehun, but I just gave the guy the day off. I can’t just call him back like that. It hasn’t even been 5 minutes. “Get a grip. You know how to entertain yourself.” I sit up and scan the room for something to do.

A shelf that I hadn’t paid much attention to before catches my eye. It’s a big grey thing with things of various colors stuffed in its shelves. I slide off the bed and pad over to the shelf with narrowed eyes. I rest my hand against the colorful things. “What are these…” I grab the side of a red one and pull it off the shelf. It sits in my hand, dusty, tattered, and worn with time.

Books.

Actual, physical books.

I gasp quietly and look at all of the freaking _books_ just sitting here in my room as if they’re not basically nonexistent. “I thought these things vanished a long time ago…” the one in my hand has a title in a language from long ago. I can’t read it. I can barely read now as it is. This shelf has a mix of books in different languages. It’s not just the current language that world unanimously speaks, Milasi, but it’s also books written in some of the 7000 languages that existed before. I place the book in my hand back in its spot and pull out another. “I’ve never seen a book before.” I murmur to myself while carefully turning the pages of this new one.

I don’t know what exactly happened, but I know that when the world started over a lot of the books and technology were lost. It seems like a lot of the technology has been recreated and made better, but books never made a comeback. I guess they’re just not seen as useful anymore.

I run my fingers across the spines of the books for a while just enjoying the feeling of the weathered material against my skin. The smell of paper and ink is pleasing in such a weird way I wonder if my past lives liked books as much as I think I would have if I’d been born hundreds of years before now.

Deciding to actually take a look at the information they have to offer rather than just looking at their covers, I pull down two. One from the middle row in front of my eyes, and one from the very top row. Holding them carefully in my arms I walk over to the blue couches settled by the other large window in the room. A small cream colored table sits between the two couches; I sit at the couch that faces outside.

I spread the two books out on the table in front of me. _People & Places_, and _Mama_. I can read…but I wouldn’t say that my reading skills are the best. I can only hope that these books don’t have any extremely advanced words. “I’ll pee first, and then I’ll read my books. That’s a good idea, right?” I muse to myself. I pat my back reassuringly. “Yes, yes. A great idea.” I mumble.

I stand back up and run to the bathroom and quickly relieve myself. While washing my hands I take a look at my reflection. I look so gross. I can’t believe Sehun just let me go to the kitchen like this. Especially since he had on makeup and fresh clothes as if he was going to model or something.

It’s a good thing no other Gaia saw me. I can’t imagine how much less they’d think of me half-dressed and looking overall dusty. I let out a small groan. I can’t let them see me any less than perfect from now on. I wash my face and brush my teeth in an attempt to freshen up. After drying my face with a small towel and tossing it in a bin that I assume is for clothes, I take a closer look at the expansive marble counter.  

The countertop has various kinds of makeups, hair brushes, hair straighteners, perfumes, and accessories. I frown at the unnecessary amount of things. I have no use for it since I have no idea how any of them even work. What could all of this stuff even be used for?

I run my fingers over some of the brushes and tilt my head curiously. I wonder if Jongin knows how to do makeup. He was wearing it last night, maybe he did it himself. Or maybe some other Charmer did. Maybe I’ll learn from someone at some point while I’m here.

I grab my toothbrush again and rinse it off once more before placing it back into its holder. I give my reflection a thumbs up and smack my cheeks a few times. I’ve got this. Everything is under control so far.

“You got it.” I whisper aloud to the girl in the mirror. With a final encouraging smile, I walk out and head back to look through the books.

I still can’t believe I have actual _books_. This is crazy. I feel like an ancient citizen.

I sit with one leg tucked under my butt and scan the titles of the three books again. I frown. “I thought I only grabbed two books…” I guess I forgot that I had grabbed the third. I pick up _People & Places_ and open it to the first page. The date is from 2010. Whoa, this book is from centuries ago. It has to be from when there were only humans on the planet. I flick through the book to find that it is mostly just pictures and descriptions of places that I’ve never even heard of.

Los Angeles, California.

Toronto, Canada.

Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

London, England.

Moscow, Russia.

Tel Aviv, Israel.

Manila, Philippines.

Bangkok, Thailand.

Shanghai, China.

Tokyo, Japan.

Seoul, South Korea.

Cape Town, South Africa.

Lagos, Nigeria.

Cairo, Egypt.

Tehran, Iran.

Each location has pictures of the humans who once lived there. The cultures that defined them. The food that was special to their lives. Languages that held history and told of personal pasts special to the country. Each one special and beautiful in its own way. I wonder what it must have been like to be in a world full of so much diversity and life. I haven’t traveled in this life, but I know that every city around the planet are nearly identical to the Capital. Rings similar to ours. People similar to ours. Language identical to ours.

I wonder where my ancestors called home. What languages did they speak? What continent was their home? What foods were special to them? My eyes water at the thought of being alive hundreds of years ago. It seemed so much less complicated, so much easier with so many less issues. I look at the roof and blink away the tears. “You’re a big girl. You’re okay.” I inhale and exhale before looking at the book and closing it. What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t be nostalgic about a time I have no understanding of.

Then again…I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if we all lived then. What it would have been like if everyone was human again. If Tao and I had still been friends. If we’d have still found Kris and Luhan. If I’d have still met Jongin and Sehun. What they would be like. What I would be like. Would I have been able to _be_ with any of them?

Would I have been allowed to love any of them? Could I allow myself to love any of them?

“Get a grip.” I mutter bitterly. The wandering thoughts vanish as I knock on the side of my head with my knuckles. What am I even thinking about? What kind of dumb delusions…

I pick up the next book.

**MAMA**

WHEN THE SKIES AND THE GROUNDS WERE ONE THE LEGENDS, THROUGH THEIR TWELVE FORCES, NURTURED THE TREE OF LIFE. AN EYE OF RED FORCE CREATED THE EVIL WHICH COVETED THE HEART OF TREE OF LIFE, AND THE HEART SLOWLY GREW DRY. TO ATTEND AND EMBRACE THE HEART OF TREE OF LIFE, THE LEGENDS HEARBY DIVIDE THE TREE IN HALF AND HIDE EACH SIDE, HENCE TIME IS OVERTURNED AND SPACE TURNS ASKEW. THE TWELVE FORCES DIVIDE INTO TWO, AND CREATE TWO SUNS THAT LOOK ALIKE. INTO TWO WORLDS THAT SEEM ALIKE, THE LEGENDS TRAVEL APART. THE LEGENDS SHALL NOW SEE THE SAME SKY BUT SHALL STAND ON DIFFERENT GROUNDS; SHALL STAND ON THE SAME GROUND BUT SHALL SEE DIFFERENT SKIES. THE DAY THE GROUNDS BE KEPT A SINGLE FILE BEFORE ONE SKY. IN TWO WORLDS THAT SEEM ALIKE, THE LEGENDS WILL GREET EACH OTHER. THE DAY THE RED FORCE IS PURIFIED, AND THE TWELVE FORCES REUNITE INTO ONE PERFECT ROOT, A NEW WORLD SHALL OPEN UP.

“Lame…” what kind of nonsense story is this supposed to be? I roll my eyes and close the book with a slam.

The last book, _The Cleansing,_ seems unfamiliar. I don’t remember picking this one up off the shelf. It’s thicker than the other two, and is seemingly less old. I run my fingertips over the gold writing on the cover; it sparkles in the sunlight. The Cleansing itself sounds familiar; I think Kris mentioned it once or twice.

I open the cover and scan through the first few pages. Some words are unfamiliar to me and so much of its content is lost on me. It seems as though this Cleansing this is another word for a global wipeout. A lot of humans died, and a lot of Gaia and Charmers didn’t. I knew about a day when the world ‘restarted’ but I never learned what it was called and what exactly happened. I’ll have to get someone to explain it to me better another day. I pick the book up off my lap and pieces of paper slip from its pages to the floor.

“Oops.” I leave the book open on the table and leave the couch so that I can search for the papers that have scattered. The first hasn’t gone far from where I was sitting. I pick it up and turn it around to see if has any writing on its other side.

I let go of the paper as if it’s burned me as soon as I see what’s on its other side. It’s not writing. It’s a picture. I take a small step backwards. My heart thuds in my chest as I force my legs to walk back to the picture and pick it back off the ground.

With trembling fingers, I reach down to take a better look at the gruesome photo. It’s a boy chained up to a dirtied wall. He’s bloody and looks beaten nearly to the point of dead. His neck is strapped to the blood-stained stone wall behind him. With his neck restrained, his head is forced up, showing just how puffy and bruised his face is. The entirety of his body is naked save for a single sock covering his penis.

Bleeding gashes and darkened bruises adorn his skin like a crude finger painting done by a 2-year-old. His face is unfamiliar, but the amount of disgust I feel is still at an all-time high. I turn it over so that I don’t have to look at it anymore.

I look at the light pink floor of the room and can easily spot what must be other photos scattered about. I swallow heavily before walking around to gather the photos that must have similar subject matter captured in them. I wordlessly pick up the other 6 and keep them turned around so that I don’t have to look at their images yet. Once they’re stacked in my hands, I walk back to the couch and sit them face down on the book.

I shouldn’t look at the rest of these.

I stare at the white back of the pile going back and forth between wanting to see the faces of the boys in the photos and wanting to burn them all so that no one has to see them again. A larger part of me feels that I shouldn’t burn these because it would be disrespectful. I might not know the boys, they could be dead for all I know, but hurting the photos feels like it would be hurting them even further. I gather my resolve and pick up the first image to looking at it.

Bad idea.

I smack the palm of my hand to my mouth to prevent any sounds from coming out (not that they were in the first place). I stare at the new person in horror; I don’t even bother to acknowledge the tears that have begun running down my cheeks.

Kris.

It’s obvious by his height, and even though his face is beaten badly there is no way I wouldn’t be able to distinguish his features. Like the first picture I found on the ground, he is strapped to a stone wall. He isn’t bleeding as much as the first, but he is bruised beyond belief. His shoulder looks dislocated.

I put his down quickly and grab the rest of them and hold them so that I can see them all at one time. Faces both familiar and unfamiliar are displayed. Luhan, Jongin, Sehun. I drop the photos and bring my knees up to my chin.

These are real.

They have to be.

I swipe at my eyes and study Luhan, Sehun, Jongin, and Kris’s faces through my tears. They look so much younger. These must be from years ago. I muffle my sobs into my knees. They’re all so _hurt_. They’ve been through torture of that kind who knows how many times. How are they _okay?_ How aren’t they still injured? It seems like the only scars they have are mental.

I drop my legs and quickly shove the photos in the book. I close it and pick it up and slide it as far under my bed as possible.

I don’t want to see it ever again. I don’t want to see any of that ever again, but I can’t just get rid of them. Seeing them all so young and injured, so broken and if they’ve given up on fighting to live lights a whole new fire in me.

I have to protect them. I’ll protect the photos as if I’m making a promise to their past selves. I’ll keep the pictures out of harm’s way. _You won’t be hurt again. You’ll be okay. I’ll make sure of it_.

I furiously wipe away the tears in my eyes and sit on the ground next to my bed. Seeing it is so much worse than hearing about it. I’d known that they’ve experienced this stuff…but they never said much about it.

None of them said anything about how _bad_ it was. I probably wouldn’t either if I was in their place. My eyes begin to blur from tears again. I swipe at my eyes with the sleeve of my pullover and shake my head. “Stop crying. Stop crying.” I smack my forehead with my hands a few times until the tears stop flowing.

After sniffling a few extra times, I place my hand to my throat. It’s swollen up after crying. I squeeze my throat with my hand and stand up off the ground. I can’t let them know that I’ve seen this. They shouldn’t know about this. “I won’t tell them about this.” I murmur. I look around my large room, and begin to feel suffocated by these blue walls. I have to get out of this room. I need to get some air.

I know I told Sehun I would stay here in the room…but I just can’t any longer. I’ll come right back after I clear my mind a little bit.

I’ll come right back.


	23. 21. I Missed You

I know that Sehun is supposed to know my whereabouts, but I’m sure a few minutes out won’t hurt anyone. I just need to get out for a bit. Besides, I need to know about the different rooms in the castle if I’m going to be stuck here don’t I? There is no use in just sitting around here when I have an entire _castle_ surrounding me.

Leaving the book full of pictures under my bed, and the other two on the table, I run into my walk in closet for something new to wear around the house. While the white pullover is cute, I’d like to not have my underwear on display for the entire castle to see. People are perverts, and I’d love to avoid being the focus of their gross thoughts.

Men and women alike.

I find a bright yellow sweatshirt that is long enough to be a dress and a simple pair of black leggings. I drop my night clothes on the ground, and trod back out to the main part of my room. Slipping on my slippers, I sneak out of my room. Taking in a few breaths to keep my mind from wandering back to the book, I make my way away from my door. The hallway is empty aside from the decorations and doors that lead to other rooms. It feels as though the entire place is empty except for me, and that does nothing to make me feel any more at ease. I purse my lips and start to explore on my own.

I know that the castle has at _least_ 3 floors. The first has that room where I encountered the other human girls, the second has the kitchen and the dining hall, and the third has various bedrooms including my own and Queen Yongsun’s. I don’t know what else this place has, but what I’ve seen can’t be all of it. The castle is big enough to be a small city in itself. I know there has to be more.

I travel down both sets of stairs all the way to the first floor. Unlike my first time here, the huge front door is locked shut. The 8 women from before are no longer there, in their place are 10 men in similar purple protective clothing. The men block the front door with emotionless faces; none of them even glance at me to acknowledge my existence. Charmer guards maybe? At the very bottom I wander around to the area behind the stairs.

5 long and wide hallways.

I know the middle leads to the decision room from before. I walk down the hall furthest left and stare at the walls and decorations in wonder. Just one of these things probably costs more than my soul. I resist the urge to touch any of the pottery and decorations. Even the couches that are placed along the walls at random places seem entirely too expensive for me to sit on. The hall spreads off into other smaller halls, but in order to avoid getting lost, I follow this larger one to it’s very end. This one leads to a wide glass door. I settle for looking out the glass in fear of accidently setting off an alarm or something by opening the door.

It’s the garden that I’ve been looking out at from above for so long. I can see a path lined with flowers, but it opens up to the larger whole. I can’t see much from this spot, but I’m not going to go mosey out there all by myself.

I don’t know what’s waiting out there. It might be morning, but I’m an easy target. I’m not an idiot. I’ll go out there another day when I’m not walking around alone. I turn on my heel and head towards the second hallway. I’m surprised to find what looks like a spa through the hall’s largest doors. It’s clean and smells of various fragrances even just at the entrance.

The lights are warm and the air feels clean. There are multiple women just walking around and talking to one another in this lounge. They all seem so carefree and happy being around one another. I see no Charmers, and I wonder if this is normal for them. Being so pleasant when amongst those like them. I don’t even fully walk in to the lounge of the spa, but frowns and uncomfortable glances are thrown my way, so I know they don’t want me in here. I walk right back out.

I’m not wanted here. Noted.

I skip the third hall and go to the fourth. The smell of chlorine immediately invades my senses, and I smell the pool before I actually see it. A few Charmers are milling around cleaning up the area. They all have on black shorts and white aprons with no shirts. A strange uniform, but the Gaia are fucking weird so I can’t say I’m shocked at the outfits. They are the ‘maids’ after all.

The pool is bigger than any body of water that I’ve ever personally seen. A large glass wall allows for the area to be illuminated by the natural sunlight from outside. Another pool sits directly outside. 2 extremely large pools, going entirely unused.

What a waste of water.

I carefully leave the swimming area so that I don’t slip in and drown. I can’t swim worth shit, and if I fall in, well I’d just let the water swallow me down.

The last hall is darker than the rest and gives off a dark vibe. The eerie feeling only intensifies as I walk passed thick wooden doors towards its end. I try the handles of the doors that line the walls only to find them locked. Not shocked. It seems as though this hall is meant to ward off snooping people like myself, but it isn’t doing a good enough job. If anything it only makes me more curious (especially after seeing those awful images). There can’t be anything good, but the masochist in me wants to know of the bad contained in the rooms.

I come to the end of the hallway and stand in front a door thicker and larger than the rest. The handle is made of cast iron and it almost visibly radiates a threatening aura. I press my palm on the scratched wood and wrap my other hand around it’s handle. The door opens ever so slightly at the pressure. The only unlocked door on the hall is the biggest and scariest.

That’s not suspicious _at all_.

Unlike the rest of the house, the only thing lighting this thin hall behind the door are thick lit torches. What is this? The medieval times?

The stone of the walls makes the hallway cold, and I think I hear what sounds like muffled shouting from its depths. A gust of wind blows from inside and I gasp as the torch lights wane and almost go out entirely. I slam the door.

Nope.

Not today Satan.

I take quick steps away from this hall and only stop when I’m halfway up the first floor’s stairs.

I move to the rail as a Gaia walks down with her Charmer in tow. I take in a few short breaths to calm my heart. Maybe that was the place the Queen doesn’t want me to go down. A shiver goes down my spine. The images that I found in my room flash in my mind.

I hope that isn’t the dungeon where that all happened, but I know in the back of my mind that it is. I shakily walk back up the stairs and puff out my cheeks. I just keep running into dark parts of the castle today don’t I? But I can’t blame anyone but myself for that mistake.

I walk down the first hall of the second floor and am surprised to find it nearly abandoned. It appears to be mainly a gym area. Workout equipment. A tennis court, 2 basketball courts, a track surrounds a room that looks like an indoor soccer field. I don’t know if no one uses this part of the 2nd floor, or if it’s just been unfound by most of the castle’s population. “It was kind of out of the way…I wouldn’t be surprised if no one has wandered this far on this floor.” I muse to myself. But everyone is weirdly in shape for people who don’t seem to use the workout area.

I trace my steps back out of the gym area and to the next hall.

A large entertainment room. Flat screens all over the place. A pool table, couches of various sizes, a foosball table, air hockey, arcade games. What is this? A teenager’s wet dream?

On a different side of the room is a large stage. Three mic stands are on top of the stage, and a piano waits idly behind them. Are there performances in this room? I wonder what kind of things occur on this stage.

Knowing how things here have been going so far, I can only guess it isn’t a casual performance that happens every now and then.

The third hallway leads to a ballroom that is bigger than the one downstairs. An enormous diamond chandelier hangs from the ceiling, and I make sure to avoid standing directly under it. If that falls on me, I would probably die instantly. The room is entirely empty at the moment, and I feel immensely small in here all alone. Each step I take inside of the grandiose room bounces off the walls loudly. A large golden chair with a red cushion sits at the back of the room with other smaller ones at its sides. I wonder if the parties that are held at the castle are held here in this room.

I can imagine where the food would be set up. I can almost see all of the dancing women with their Charmers at their sides. I can nearly hear the music filling the room. I cringe at the realization that I will most likely have to attend one of the stuffy parties sooner or later. How does a human even behave at a big Gaia ball?

The fourth hallway only leads to the dining room and the kitchen. The kitchen really must be huge behind that first part that I’ve seen. I peek in and catch a glimpse of Minseok with another boy. They both appear busy making lunch or maybe even snacks. Minseok is whispering to the other short boy who looks battered. I can clearly see a few purple bruises on his face, and his plump lips are busted at the bottom. I have the urge to walk in to take a closer look at the new boy, but I keep my mouth closed and decide to mind my own business.

I’ve been snooping enough today, and they both seemed busy. I won’t bother them.

On the third floor I only see 3 halls. My own, a hall that only has the doors of other Gaia (I don’t even think about looking in any of their rooms. I don’t know who’s here at the moment, but I’m not risking facing an altercation), and then the Queen’s. If the layout of this floor is any similar to the last two, then I know the Queen’s room must take up the same amount of space as three halls.

Fucking rich people.

After stumbling around I take note of how few guards there are. I assumed that there would be guards all around the place. Shouldn’t the Queen be heavily protected? Shouldn’t the people in the castle be heavily protected?

_They all have powers. They can protect themselves._

Oh that’s right. Here, they’re all protected by their magic. They don’t need physical help. With their own magic, plus that of their Charmers I’m sure they aren’t worried about safety at all.

Unlike me.

What happens if the castle is attacked? What happens if people come in and try to kill all of us? I’m almost positive no one would come to my aid, so I’d basically be dead. On my own and killed without hesitation. I don’t want to die at the hands of angry magic users in a fucking _castle_.

I still have regrets.

I never had fancy tuna. I haven’t gotten to be a mom. I haven’t even been able to be in love…well I mean there was Tao, but it’s not like it was happily in love. I was always afraid for one of our lives. We couldn’t even date. I’ve never even been on a date! I’m too young to die yet. I still have dreams.

I find a door on the third floor that looks no bigger than a closet door (which is considerably small compared to the others). I open it, and it leads up a set of stairs. I quietly climb the stairs and am met with two different halls. I hear loud chatter from the one on the left, and I allow my feet to take me to the door that leads to whatever part of the castle that’s been hidden so well.

I can’t but feel that I shouldn’t be here. I don’t feel as though I’m in direct danger…but it still seems as though this is a part of the castle I shouldn’t be wandering around. I want to back away, but my hand reaches out for the knob despite the growing fear that I’m feeling.

A hand grabs the wrist of the hand at my side and yanks me backwards. My mouth is covered and I’m pulled flat against the body of some unknown person. I scream into the palm of my assailant while they pull me back away from the door. I stop and take in another breath to start shouting; in that second of silence I’m turned around to face my attacker.

What was supposed to be a scream comes out as a mix between a relieved sigh and an annoyed groan. The hand moves from my mouth and my ‘attacker’ smiles shyly. “Jongin, you asshole!” I whisper shout at the boy. I smack him in the shoulder and he lets out a quiet _Ow…_ accompanied with a pout.

My surprise passes quickly and I throw myself into his arms so that I can hug him tightly. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until our bodies started touching. I tighten my arms around his neck and he does the same around my waist. He lets me go first, and I reluctantly do so as well.

“You should go back to your room.” He whispers. No hello. No how’s it going. No I’m sorry I hadn’t come look for you. I feel saddened at how he is dismissing me, but I respond to his statement regardless.

“What does that door lead to?”

“It’s just the Charmer hall.”

Sehun must be in there. “Is that where Sehun is?” I ask glancing at the door again. He nods slowly with a slight frown. I feel a slight pang of possessiveness, and at the sudden feeling I frown with him. Where is this coming from? What is with these misplaced feelings that have been happening? “Okay, well can you take me back to my room?” I ask him while trying to ignore the slight selfishness that I’m feeling.

He shakes his head. “I can’t teleport unless I know what the place looks like, and I haven’t seen your room.” I hadn’t even known that about his ability. I guess everyone had limits. I nod and take his hand in my own. I was tired after all the walking around, but seeing him has given me a burst of energy. Despite my growing exhaustion I drag him back down the stairs to my bedroom.

Once we get back in my room and I close the door I jump Jongin once again. I loop my arms back around his neck and let the comfortable feeling of his body against mine overpower the anxiety and fear that I had been feeling before. “I missed you.” I mutter into his shoulder. I grip the material of his shirt tighter in my hands.

“I missed you too.” His voice sounds so soft and so familiar near my ear that I almost want to cry.

But I’ve done enough crying for the day, so I decide not to be a little bitch for just this once.  I pull back and smash my lips to his cheek out of pure excitement. The air shifts and the familiar feeling of being ripped through space surrounds me. The both of us pull away in shock after having moved from beside the door to my ginormous bed.

I don’t feel nearly as sick as the first time that I teleported with Jongin, but I was having a…rough day that day. I’m sure half of my sickness was self-imposed. I examine his shocked expression with confusion. “I thought you said you can’t teleport unless you’ve seen the place? You haven’t been in my room before...” I quirk an eyebrow “, unless you’ve been watching me sleep again.” I tease. He blinks unaffected by my banter and looks back towards the door where we were before.

“I can’t. I can’t and I-I haven’t been in here before.” He says with furrowed brows. He looks at me as if I have a way to clear up his confusion. “I didn’t-” he points to the door. “I didn’t do that on purpose. I don’t- this is…” he ruffles his hair in frustration. He turns away from me. “This is the second time…I don’t understand.” He whispers to himself low enough that I almost don’t hear it.

He seems to be deep in some kind of personal crisis. I roll my eyes and wrap my arms around one of his like a child. I’m feeling utterly clingy, and if I had Tao here then I could be clingy with someone who is innately like that and I _know_ wouldn’t mind, but he isn’t. So Jongin will have to suffice. I have missed his pretty face anyway, and I want to touch him. “Wh-What are you-”

“Shush. Stop freaking out and let me enjoy having you back around okay?” I squeeze his arm soothingly and his stuttering dies out. I’m just glad to have him here by my side once again.


	24. 22. The Queen's Cousin

“How are you? Where have you been all this time? Why didn’t you come see me? Are you well? Have you been eating? How often do you fucking _strip_ here at the castle? I don’t even know how to-” his hand comes up to my mouth and cuts off my words. He has on that eye smile that can melt even the driest of ice. I blink while just scanning his handsome face.

“Shut up. You’re rambling.” He says softly. I breath in and out through my nose to keep myself from spouting out everything I’ve been wanting to ask him. I don’t think he’s allowed to be in here, but that just means I need to be even more composed. I don’t want him to have to leave just because my excitement got the best of me and someone happened to find him here. After seeing that I’ve quieted down Jongin removes his hand and looks at my face thoughtfully. “You’re okay?” He’s asking as if he’s having a hard time believing it himself.

I snort. “Barely.”

“I heard about what happened when you got here.” I frown in confusion at his vague statement. “I heard about the girls who died and got taken away that day. I thought you were one of them.” My heart pounds at the simple observation. I _could_ have been one of them. Easily.

“Ho-How’d you hear? Does the whole castle know?”

He shakes his head minimally. “No, I was just listening around for news about it. About, uhm, about you. I was trying to make sure you were okay. No one else pays much attention to it. They don’t like hearing about the next human girl who will be taking up space in the palace.” I can’t say that surprised to hear that. “I’m just glad you weren’t hurt.” He says looking away for a moment. I grab his hands in mine.

“I am okay.” I say truthfully. The fact that he was worried about me warms my heart. “I’m not going to lie and say that it was no sweat because it was. I was…I was terrified that I was going to die next. The other girls, those girls…they were…they shouldn’t have been made to come here. They didn’t want to be there. I was the only one who did…” I trace circles on the back of his hand to keep myself from crying while thinking about their terrified faces. “I felt like a traitor Jongin. No one in their right mind would willingly come into this place, but I _did_. And seeing the girls who were like me made me realize how _fucked_ it is that I’m here. I’m a fucking traitor to my own kind…” I whisper the last part and force myself to swallow the growing lump in my throat. He slips his hands out of mine, and his comfortable arms envelope me. I can do nothing besides just relish in the fact that someone like him exists here in this little hellhole to bring me some kind of ease.

“You aren’t a traitor.” He leans his cheek against the top of my head. “You’re doing this to help them too. If you weren’t there, then one of them would have been forced to be here against their will. They would have had to deal with all of this without any warning, and that wouldn’t have turned out very well now would it?” he asks. I shake my head and feel his cheek ruffling my hair. “Okay well then stop beating yourself up about it.” I push myself away.

“I’m not beating myself up, I’m just wondering if I’m really doing what’s right or not and if it’ll actually even make a difference it’s just-”

He gives me a knowing look so I stop. “That’s called beating yourself up.”

“Blah, blah, blah Mr. Know-it-all.” He rolls his eyes at my childish way of dismissing him. He’s a dummy, but he always says such truthful things; a dummy with deep ass words. Trying to steer the conversation away from me, I change the topic of conversation. “Back to the _real_ issues at hand. How’d you know I was outside of the Charmer hall door?” It’s not a real issue at all, but his timing was just so impeccable that I was curious as to how he got there right as I did.

“Oh that?” he scratches the back of his head. “I was just, you know, coming back too and I saw you about to go in.”

I hum and lie back on my bed at his simple answer. He lies on his back next to me and the two of us fall in to a comfortable silence for a bit. He’s like my large living safety blanket. He’s still obviously trying to watch out for me, but at this point I’m going to welcome it. I _can’t_ do this alone. Sehun is starting to be on my side, but I still can’t be 100% positive that he’s trustworthy. I trust Jongin with my life and if he’s here with me then I think I can tackle any problem the castle throws at me.

“June?” I turn my head to face him. He places his palm on my cheek and looks at me with emotions on his face that I can’t place. “Thank you.”

 I press my hand to his and then let it go so that I can sit up on my elbows.

“For what? I haven’t done anything.” I smirk and raise a brow.

“Just…for everything. For existing.” He murmurs. I feel fluttering in my stomach under his heady gaze and I don’t know how to handle the feeling so I scoff and look down at the stretch marks on my thighs so that he can’t see my embarrassment. The heavy feeling in the air after his words is making me feel weird and I’m not good at dealing with these kinds of situations. Whatever this situation is.

“Tell me about your friends here.” I say to change the subject yet again.

He sits up at the sudden new question. “Tell you what about them?”

“Just…stuff about them. What they’re like. What they like. If they’d like me…”

He chuckles. “What are you even talking about?”

I look up from focusing on my legs to look him in the face again. Luckily, the look from before is gone. I internally sigh in relief. “What if they hate me?” I know that Jongdae guy does. I haven’t even seen the guy since he choked me out in the hall, but I know that he still hates my fucking guts. “If I’m going to pull this off then I need them on my side right? What if I get killed or worse get one of _them_ killed? How would I cope with that emotional damage? If they didn’t hate me now, then they’ll definitely hate me then-” his hand covers my mouth once again and he lets out one of his oh too rare laughs where his mouth opens fully and his eyes all but close and it just makes him look so _happy_ and fuck there go the stomach flutters again for some reason.

“It’ll be _fine_. You worry about a lot of things. How long have you been thinking over all of this?”

“I just don’t want to fuck up-”

“If anything happens I’ll take you away myself.” I shut my mouth at that. He smiles but I can sense how serious he actually is behind his words. “If anything goes wrong then we’ll both leave. I’ll take you to the farthest part of the world so you won’t have to worry about anything like this ever again.” He says firmly. The back of my eyes start burning, and I know that I’m like 3 seconds from crying at the cute ass thing he just said.

“But we’ll be found-”

He shakes his head. “I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again, okay? We’ll live on the run. I’ll protect you June. I promise.”

_I promise._

He looks at me directly in the eyes. I don’t doubt him in the slightest. He actually said he’ll protect me. No one has ever said that to me before. My stomach flips. I said that I’d protect them; it’s nice knowing someone is protecting me too.

I tackle him in a hug. Why is he acting like this? He’s being so fucking cute again and I can’t _deal_ with this right now. I don’t deserve this happiness that the boy is providing me, but I can’t get myself to let him go. I don’t want to let him go. He laughs softly again. “You’re awfully touchy today.” He says playfully once he’s able to pull away. I’m touchy? He should see how touchy he is now compared to a few months ago.

“That’s cause you’re acting like… _this_.” I wave my hands around in circles in front of him.

“This?”

“All cute and stuff! It’s gross and hugging is the only way I know how to calm myself down so that’s what I’m doing.” I admit. I shove him lightly to emphasis the fact that his actions are messing me up. At his sly smile I try to turn the conversation away from me yet again. He’s embarrassed me enough for the day, it’s time for him to feel weird too. “What’s up with your dancing though?” I ask. His eyes widen at the topic of his dancing.

Got him.

“What was all of that about? I’ve never seen you look like that before.”

“I don’t know it just…I ju-just, I slip into it when I’m dancing. I can’t help it.” He bows his head slightly to hide his face from me.

“It was really hot.” I say leaning back on my hands. I watch as he lifts his head with his mouth slightly open from surprise. “I was shocked. I genuinely didn’t know you could look so… _sexy_.” I say leaning towards him just to fluster him further. His face turns a bright pink; after getting the reaction I wanted, I lean back and laugh despite his discomfort.

Surprisingly, he responds back confidently (despite the flush of his face), “I’m always sexy!”

I snort. “Um no. You’re usually precious and cute and adorable.” His pout after my comment only proves my point. I lean even closer and squeeze his lips with my index finger and thumb. “Nice pout you’ve got there, _Mr. Sexy_.” He smacks my hand and then lifts up my blankets to hide himself under the covers.

What a loser.

A cute loser. But a loser nonetheless. My stomach rumbles deeply and I place a hand to it trying to calm it. I’m hungry, and I think Minseok was cooking something down in the kitchen earlier. I wonder if I can grab something to help me last until dinner.

I smack the lump under my covers that also goes by the name Jongin. “Do you guys eat at different times from us? None of you were eating at dinner yesterday.”

“We have a dining room in our hall. We eat there.” Comes his muffled response. I roll my eyes and pull the blanket off him.

“Come on cutie. Let’s go get something to eat. I want to be quick.” He sits up and holds out his hand. I place mine in it, the feeling of the air shifting leads me to close my eyes. When I open them, we’re in the kitchen.

Behind the low counter is Minseok as usual, but his head is lowered even more than usual. I know that means that we aren’t in the kitchen alone. I turn marginally and come face to face with a girl. A girl with long light brown hair and bangs. Jongin jumps and quickly goes behind me after letting go of my hand. The girl looks an awful lot like Minseok, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d think that she was his sister. Hell, she might be.

Beside her are two boys. One with fluffy light pink hair and delicate features, the other with wavy nearly blonde hair. He has feminine features, but they’re sharp. He looks less uncomfortable than the other, but I look at the both of them just as quizzically. They both look pitiful and sad, and even though Jongin is behind me, I know he looks nowhere near as…down as these two. I catch Minseok sneaking out of the open area of the kitchen.

The unknown girl and I stand in silence, and it feels as though we’re sizing one another up for hours. I prop a hand on my hip and give her my blankest stare. Are we just going to have a stare down or what? She catches my shift in posture, and then she smirks.

She finally holds her hand out. “I’m Moonbyul.” Her voice is polite, but strong. I look at her pretty hand and contemplate whether or not she might kill me with some secret magic when our skin touches. If something happens the Queen would avenge me right? I take my focus from her hand and transfer it to her face. I press my hand to hers and hold it firmly, I keep my focus on her eyes.

“I’m-”

“June. I know. I’ve heard a lot about you.” She says cutting me off.

“I’m sorry to say I can’t say the same.” I take my hand from hers. Quite a grip the girl has.  

She sighs out a laugh. “I can’t say I’m surprised; you haven’t been here long enough to know all of us who call this place home. I’m the Queen’s cousin. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“The pleasure is mine.” I return. She glances at Jongin again.

“Why were you holding Kai’s hand a moment ago?” she asks nonchalantly. It sounds innocent, but I know that she is digging for something.

Wait, Kai?

I turn back to Jongin and it only takes a second to realize that he must go by Kai here. Kai, huh. Noted.

I face the woman again. “He was bringing me down for lunch.” I say suspiciously. What exactly is her motive right now?

“You should be in your hall.” Her eyes are on Jongin. “Send Sehun. She isn’t your responsibility.” Her eyes focus back on mine. Why does she feel the need to butt in on what I was doing? His hand touches my back subtly and I only nod giving him the okay to go. He vanishes and I’m left in the tense room with the Gaia on my own.

Well not alone, but if it comes down to a fight or something, I’m practically on my own. The Charmers here aren’t on my side. “I’m just concerned that you’re getting involved with Charmers that you have no business with. You should focus on staying with your given servants.” She says with a forced smile. I sit into my hip and glare at the girl before me. How does she even know who my Charmers are? He isn’t my personal Charmer yeah, but Jongin _is_ my business. And I don’t appreciate this chick stepping in and trying to dictate who I’m allowed to be around.

“I appreciate your concern, but _Kai_ was with me for a reason. I’m aware that I’m not his responsibility, but I requested his presence and if I recall correctly, Kai is directly under the Queen and _not_ you. If I am with him, you have no reason to tell him where he should be unless he is actually _needed_ there. I’m just concerned that you’re trying to give orders that are a bit above your paygrade. Therefore, I’d appreciate it if you kept your _concerns_ to yourself from now on when it comes to things that don’t _concern_ you.” I say trying to keep my temper under control.

Her composure falters slightly at my response. “Who do you think you are to speak to me this way-”

“You know who I am. I should be asking who you think _you_ are to be speaking to _me_ this way. Maybe I should go speak to Solar and let her handle this case of confused identities. Obviously, one of us is in the wrong here, and I think we both know who she is.” I cup my hand around my mouth. “You. It’s you.” I whisper just to add insult to injury. She scowls and her eyes flash angrily before she walks out of the kitchen with her boys right as Sehun is coming in.

He bows until she is gone and then walks over to me with a confused frown. I glare angrily at the door where she just exited. “Who is that woman?” I ask him despite already knowing the basics.

“That’s Mistress Moonbyul. She’s the next in line for the throne and the Queen’s cousin.”

“And who were those Charmers with her?”

“Baekhyun is the only Charmer. The other is a human named Kibum.”

“Mm.” Baekhyun and a human. Why is she walking around with a human like he’s a Charmer? I thought Gaia barely even associate with human men.

I tense after realizing what I’ve just done. I can’t believe I just bullshitted that whole attitude. I was fucking terrified, and I don’t even know if what I said was valid. I wasn’t going to just let her tell me what to do though. I exhale from my mouth and turn back to face Sehun with an exasperated expression. “Sorry for disrupting your time off. I really didn’t mean to have you called here.”

He shrugs. “It’s fine. I wasn’t doing anything; I’m not used to having time of, so I’m kind of…glad that I was needed.” I sigh loudly. Minseok finally comes back in, looking afraid.

“I’ll just make myself a sandwich.” I tell them both before attempting to walk behind the counter.

“NO YOU CAN’T!” Minseok is standing in front of me with his arms spread wide open and eyes looking right into mine. I step back frightened at the bold behavior from the polite boy. I see the panic on his face right before he drops down to his knees. “I apologize for speaking out of turn Mistress. Please spare me.” He says from the ground, voice shaking.

Fuck. What did I do now?

I’m really not good at this whole thing.

I look at Sehun with wide eyes, but he looks away. What do I do? What do I do? I crouch down and place my hands on his shoulders. He flinches at the contact and I feel my heart crack. I pull him back on to his feet and the guy is shaking in fear. “It’s fine! Really!” I say trying to sound cheerful. “S-Sorry. I won’t do that. I didn’t know I wasn’t allowed back there. Can you, uh can you uh make me a sandwich then?”  he nods and the escapes my grip and goes to the back of the kitchen.

I stand confused as to what’s just happened. Before I know it he comes back out with a human boy and the sandwiches. Before I can even offer to take it myself, the human boy is scurrying up to my room with the plate. I sigh again and palm my face. This is going to be harder than I thought.

This has been such a long day, and it’s only my second day out. I’m ready to collapse already. Kris, Luhan, Tao…I hope I’m doing this right. I hope you’re still cheering me on from outside of the palace walls.

I’ll need it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lolol sorry I haven't gotten the chance to put up all the chapters I have. It takes a lot of time to change the formats on my computer. I'll update at least one daily until i get to the latest chapter I have up on AFF :) ^^


	25. 23. Don't Get Too Comfortable

 

The first few weeks of my existing (I don’t want to say living because then that would mean that I actually _live_ here) inside of the castle go by quickly, and as I anticipated it was rough as fuck.

I found myself, at any given chance, trying to stay inside of my room. After looking around the castle I did kind of want to go and play around in some of the rooms, but I was afraid of breaking anything by accident. Since each individual thing in this place is worth around 12 of my soul, I figure that staying in my room is for the best. A safe alternative you could call it.

Since my room is basically a house in itself, not leaving isn’t all that much of a problem. I could probably hide in the room for at least a month no problem if food wasn’t, you know, something I need to survive. Actually, getting up to leave the room feels more like a hassle than staying basically locked up in the large ass suite.

My breakfast, lunch, and dinner are brought to my room each day like clockwork by different human boys if I don’t go to the kitchen myself to get it. I can’t look at them, and they are in and out quick enough to not interact with me. My heart hurts every time I see them.

As for the days where I do leave for meals, I go to the kitchen, eat, and then come back. Unsurprisingly, no one in the castle eats together outside of when we’re all called to the dining table. It’s all so weirdly lonely. It’s only happened twice since my ‘welcome dinner’ and both were just as uncomfortable as the first. There were no performances, but the Gaia chatter was just as lively as ever.

And just as degrading to Charmers.

I sat and listened only partially. I wanted to know what they were saying, but I didn’t want to be invested enough in it for it to fully hurt my feelings. Sehun stood at my side at both the other dinners and could hear it all just as clearly as I could. I think that I was offended enough by their words for the both of us.

Every morning a Charmer comes to take me to the Queen’s room. It’s always around 10 in the morning when he knocks on my door; around right after she wakes up. I’ll leave my room and walk behind the Charmer to hers. Same time. Same guy. Same route. The Queen says that having me with her in the mornings comforts her. Usually I will sit beside her or in her lap (if she’s feeling especially clingy) where she will play with my hair while talking about what it is that she has to do for the day. She narrates her plans as if to remind herself, and I sit and listen to her mostly in silence. I’m never sure what to do with all of this information. Shouldn’t she be keeping this type of stuff to herself? I feel like I know her schedules better than she does at this point.

For example, on Mondays she usually flies out to other parts of the world to show her face and hold service announcements for the important Gaia in that part of the kingdom. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, she is driven out to work on reviewing laws and things with her most trusted advisors in the outlining cities. Thursdays and Fridays she holds meetings within the castle for the entire day. I’ve seen the numerous people coming in and out of the palace all day. She’s said that they just sit and converse with her about things that pertain to the kingdom. Overall behavior, cases of terrorism, threats to her rule, and things that are going well. On Saturday she seems to be off. She spends a good amount of time within her room relaxing and calling me in to entertain her on that day.

Sundays are reserved for meetings with specific advisors stationed in different parts of the kingdom. She leaves for most of the day just to go and meet with those people.

The Charmer that comes to get me (whose name I still haven’t managed to catch) is pretty tall, and like _really_ well built. So well-built that I bet he could snap my arm like a twig without any use of magic. Like the others he wears no shirt, but unlike the others he has intricate black tattoos drawn on his already dark skin. Swirls and stars and words that I don’t know the meanings of. I try to avoid staring too long at his chiseled and inked upper body because I am a lady with _respect_ for others.

Even if he is one of the sexiest men I’ve ever seen in my life and I would _love_ to see what he’s packing.

We stop outside of Queen Yongsun’s room and he bows. “The Queen will see you now.” He announces. I nod my head in acknowledgement and open the doors to the Queen’s suite. As expected she is sitting up in her bed fresh out of sleep, but still looking ready rule a kingdom.

She rubs her eyes and a sleepy smile stretches across her face, “Good morning baby girl.”

I awkwardly wave my hand. “Morning.”

My feet carry me over to her bed and I sit cross-legged in front of her. She ruffles my hair affectionately. “How did you sleep?”

“I slept fine. My stomach started to hurt last night though, so I woke up early this morning after not being able to fall back asleep.”

“Oh no, do you need to go to the infirmary? Should I call you a doctor? Are you still hurt?” her eyes widen and all traces of sleep vanish from her demeanor. Her warm hands cup my cheeks as she stares into my eyes deeply.

“No, no. I’m fine now. I just had stomach cramps for some reason. I’m okay.” I pull away slightly, and she catches that I want her to let me go. The distance is short lived because soon enough she is cooing and pulling me to her chest in a hug.

“Aw you precious little child you. Your poor stomach woke you up from your sleep, my poor baby.” I close my eyes and groan aloud at her behavior. She only laughs. I swear she must be like 12 years old. Her personality oozes naivety and cuteness and although it seems as though she is thorough at her job, I can’t help but wonder how old the girl actually is.

“I’m 122.” She says with a smile. Fuck, did I ask that aloud? My mouth drops at the large number. Well now it makes sense why she treats me like a fucking child. I’m basically a fetus compared to her. I don’t have nearly as much life experience as she does. I don’t have nearly as much _anything_ as her.

I don’t have powers, I don’t have strength, and I’m basically stuck here in this place.

Maybe that’s why she doesn’t care that she’s sharing this information with me. I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone even if I wanted to.

“I’m sure you have lots of questions little one. We’ll talk when I’m done with today’s meeting with my consultants.” Today is a Thursday. “We’ve got another large meeting in the grand hall. I’ve gotten word that a lot has happened since the last meeting.” She stands up off the bed and stretches her arms high in the air. “Would you like to join??” she asks.

“Um…well if you want me to go then yes. I cannot turn down an offer like this from you, your majesty.” I say bowing my head respectfully. She is silent, and wondering if she’s walked off I will myself to look back up.

Her expression has hardened, and I can feel the anger radiating off of her. What did I do now?

“Solar. I’ve told you to call me by my name, Solar. You’ve been here for over a month, and yet you’re still addressing me as if you have no say in what happens to you here. I’ve told you countless times that you are free to roam the premises within the boundaries I’ve given you, and that you are free to behave as you want so long as it follows my few rules. I want you to be comfortable here god dammit!” She ends up shouting the latter end of her sentence and the room shakes violently. I pull my legs up and cower away from the angry woman in order to protect myself.

What is her power? Why is she so irrationally angry at me being…at me behaving the way anyone is supposed to behave in the presence of the Queen?

She starts to pace to room to release some of her anger. I stare at her just as scared as when she blew up at me a few seconds ago. I know now to definitely not get on the Queen’s bad side. Whatever power it is that she has is not a force to be reckoned with.

Why is she so fucking concerned with getting close to me and making me comfortable here? I don’t get what the motive is, and I don’t know what to do about it. She’s a Gaia. They’re assholes. Why is my wellbeing so important to her? I’m supposed to be a pet.

“Look,” she sighs, runs a hand through her hair, and then kneels back in front of me. Maybe she finally realized that she just fucking _terrified_ me. “, I just want you to be comfortable here. I know that it’s hard to get accustomed to life in here and I’m just trying to make it easier on you. Everyone here isn’t kind, and everything done here isn’t wonderful, but I just want you to understand that I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to let _anyone_ hurt you.”

I listen intently.

“Outside of my own direct word, you can do and say whatever you want baby.” Her hands come up to caress my cheeks. “I don’t know what I have to do to prove to you that I’m being genuine, but I just want you to trust me. I want you to love me. I can tell that you’re reluctant to allow yourself to be who you truly are around me, but I _want_ you to be yourself. I know it may take some time, but I hope to prove to you that I can be someone whom you can trust confidently.” She says. I soften at her words. Whatever the reason, she really wants me to like her. She really wants me to like being here.

It all sounded creepily similar to what I told Sehun if I’m honest.

She won’t hurt me? So far she hasn’t. In the past month or so of existing in this place I think I’ve done plenty worth being killed over. And yet I’m still here. Alive and well and uninjured.

Just a few days ago I accidently cursed when the one of the Gaia bumped into me in the hall. The girl herself wasn’t very upset over it, she thought my slip of tongue was adorable (some of these women actually see me as a child, I’m ready to fight about it), but that wasn’t the issue. I had done that when the Queen was within earshot.

And then before that, the whole Moonbyul thing happened. I shouldn’t have been able to talk to her the way I did without punishment, but the Queen only laughed after finding out what happened. She thought the whole interaction was funny. Apparently her cousin has a history of being overly conscious of following the rules and keeping Charmers in their right place.

I can only assume she means to say that she’s a harsh owner.

Other times when I’ve slipped up and the guards or Gaia were ready to take me she would speak out. I’m learning, she says. I’m just a baby, she would tell them. If it was going to keep me from getting killed, then I’ll admit to being a baby all day.

I search her face to see if I can find any hint of untruthfulness, but all I can see is earnest honesty on her perfect face. I lick my lips nervously before I nod my head. “I believe you. I will…I will try harder, Solar.”

Her smile returns and she places her lips on my own for a chaste kiss. I sit in a stunned silence when she pulls away. “Go back to your room now baby. I’ll have your breakfast sent up soon.” With a final grin, she walks to her bathroom to get ready for her day. I stand up stupefied.

What kind of relationship is it that she’s trying to form exactly?

* * *

 

“Can you please put on a shirt?”

“What?”

“I said put on a shirt. Sehun wears one in here, and you should too.”

“Why? I’m fine without it-”

“Jongin, just put on the damn shirt.” I throw him one of the many male shirts that I now have in my closet. After I told Solar that I’d prefer if Sehun got to wear the clothes that I wanted, she dedicated a whole section of my closet to the boy. I had only mentioned it once briefly in conversation, but I mean I guess this is fine. Sehun didn’t seem all that excited, but he was acting very distant lately as it was.

He seems to trust me a bit more, but that doesn’t mean that he was happy around me. I swear I was trying my hardest to get him to open up to me, but whenever I thought that I was getting somewhere it was like I was quickly shut out. He only humored my questions, and had his guard up around me for whatever reason. It didn’t seem like he was fearful of me _physically_ hurting him, but nevertheless he was reserved.

At least Jongin was here.

He huffs but pulls the shirt over his torso. He might have been fine without it, but him being half naked was distracting me while we were supposed to be talking.

“I told you to have a shirt on when you come here.” I say exasperatedly. He only sticks his tongue out. “Just sit down somewhere. I’ll call down for some sweets or something.” I walk over to the little intercom next to my door and click on the button that directs me to the kitchen.

“How may I assist you, Mistress?”

“Can I have someone send up something sweet to my room? This is um, June by the way.”

“Right away Mistress.” I let go of the button and walk over to the couches by the window where Sehun and Jongin have settled. I sit in the seat next to Jongin so as not to bother the other guy.

“How was your morning meeting with her Highness?” Jongin asks while throwing his arm behind me to rest on the top of the couch.

“It’s not a meeting. It’s more of a…”

“A meeting.” Sehun cuts in from across from us.

“No. It’s like…a mini gossip session.” Both boys look at me with lost expressions. “You know, like…two people talking about the drama they know of. Secrets that they’ve found out. People they dislike.”

“So…it’s like a therapy session?” Jongin asks with a tilt of his head. I place a palm to my forehead. These guys don’t know anything, I swear.

“No…it’s like…it’s kind of like what we’re doing right now. Like friends talking about their day and plans and stuff. Except she does most of the talking and I usually just listen.”

“So you’re… _friends_ with the Queen?” Sehun asks hesitantly.

“I wouldn’t say friend just yet. She’s really nice, and she takes care of me. What I mean to say is that I don’t hate being around her.”

“I don’t think you should be getting so close to her. She could be planning on hurting you, you know?”

I purse my lips at Jongin’s statement. He’s right, but I mean I still believe in her. “Not everyone is out to hurt me…to hurt us. Maybe she just genuinely wants to take care of me. Did you ever think about that? She hasn’t done anything to hurt me so far, and besides I understand where she’s coming from. You guys were always so afraid of me and it felt like forever before you finally believed I wasn’t a threat. She’s like that I think. She’s like me.”

Jongin sighs. “I still don’t like this. She’s the _Queen_ though, and she _has_ hurt people before. She’s hurt each of _us_ before.”

“And so have I. I’ve hurt people before, but that doesn’t mean she can’t change. Maybe…” I cross my arms over my chest as I search for my words. “…maybe I just have to show her that the way things are being run is wrong. Maybe I can help make her realize that the way things are happening is fucked. Kris and Luhan didn’t tell me _what_ to do when I got here, but I think I could change the way she does things if I can get her to trust me enough, you know?”

The two don’t address my idea, and even though I know they think it’s a shit idea I’m still going to do it. I don’t hear anyone else telling me how I’m supposed to “fix” everything. Sehun crosses his legs and only raises an eyebrow. I roll my eyes at the two of them.

“You guys aren’t very supportive.”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea. If you’re confident about it though…then I’ll trust in you.” Jongin says while removing his arm from behind me.

“Okay well until I can think of a better plan, this is what I’m sticking with.” I turn my body so that I can be facing Jongin. “Speaking of better plans, have you visited Kris late-”

“Shush!” Jongin hisses. His eyes are wide and his index finger is placed against his lips. “We can’t talk about that. Not here.” He whispers. I glance at my door and back to him.

“So-rry.” I murmur. I know my walls aren’t soundproof, but it’s still nearly impossible to hear in here unless I’m yelling or right next to the door. He’s really overreacting.

“Just…be more careful. You can’t get too comfortable.” I nod. He is right I guess. I can’t afford to slip up and be caught. Lots of lives are on the line, and everything would be over if I was found out. Kris is apparently presumed to be dead by everyone here, and only a handful of Charmers know the truth. If the Gaia find out he is alive, he’d be hunted down for sure.

I sigh and rest my head in the palm of my hand. After propping it up on my leg, I look out of the window.

The garden.

I still haven’t been out there yet.

“What’s out there in the garden?” I keep my eyes focused on the color and greenery outside.

“I don’t know. I’ve never really looked around out there.” Jongin shrugs and looks out the window as well. I look at Sehun who only shrugs noncommittally.

“I don’t know either. I’ve only been outside of the castle once.”

I slap my thighs with my hands and stand up. “Alright, well looks like I know what we’re going to do today.” I run over to my closet, and after a tiring search I find the articles that I need. I drape a coat around myself, and slip my feet into a pair of shoes. I hand Sehun and Jongin each the same. “Let’s go outside and explore the garden fellas.”

They both give me hesitant frowns and I sigh seeing as I expected this reaction. “It’s cold outside, yes. But I want to go outside to look at the garden and I want you both to come with me so that I’m not alone.”

“You can look at it from your window though,” Sehun says while looking at one of my windows to prove his point, tone questioning.

“Seeing it and being able to be around it are two completely different things. I want to feel it. I want to be around it. I haven’t gone outside in a while and I’ve forgotten what is like to not stare at the walls of a building. Please come with me. I’m afraid to go alone.” I press my hands together and given them a pout for good measure. “Just for a little bit.”

Sehun sighs and starts to put his coat and shoes on. I smile and whimper at Jongin hoping that he will follow Sehun’s lead. He half frowns but also dresses himself. I clap excitedly and bound over to the door and bounce in my spot waiting for the two.

The three of us silently make our way down the set of stairs while I try to remember which hall on the first floor leads to the garden.

“What are you all doing here?”

I stop when I hear the unpleasantly familiar voice behind us. We were just about to travel down the left hall. I turn to face none other than the Queen’s cousin, Moonbyul with just the pink haired Charmer I now know as Baekhyun.

“Excuse me?” I ask her.

“What are you all doing here? Are you deaf human?”

“No, I’m not deaf. I was trying to figure out what such a dumb question could mean. Are you asking why I happen to be walking around the place that I also live in? Because if so the answer is, nothing. We are doing nothing and even if we were it’s none of your business.” She looks at the Charmers behind me and crosses her arms over her chest. I look at Baekhyun just in time to catch him twitch and bring a hand up to his neck as if he was just electrocuted there.

“Since you are doing nothing, I’ll be borrowing Kai then.” She says monotonously. When Jongin takes a step towards her side, I hold my arm out to stop him from going any further.

“Why?”

“I need him. For _something_. It’s none of your business.” She says with a small mocking smile. Jongin scurries around my stretched arm to go behind her and next to her own Charmer. I drop my arm and the two of us have yet another stare down. She wants to see me get angry over it. But I can’t get angry about this. He doesn’t belong to me so I have no say over who can use him and where he goes.

_But he does belong to you_ , a part of me whispers. I clench my fists.

“Fine. I wasn’t using him anyway.” I tell Moonbyul. “Let’s go Sehun.” She sets her glare on my back as the two of us walk away from the girl who is seemingly out to test my patience. What did I even do to her to deserve this?

I’ll tell you what.

Nothing. I’ve done _nothing_ to her, but I know that she still has got some kind of reason to be behaving this way. Whatever her beef, I want no part of it.


	26. 24. Bullying and Extra Protection

Even in the brittle December air the flowers and plants are in full bloom. We walk along the sand covered and flower lined pathway that I saw through the glass door to the large opening. It’s even more spacious standing in the middle of it. There are multiple paths and areas with benches. It’s all colorful and beautifully trimmed. It’s immaculate and if the biting wind wasn’t here I think I’d almost have thought it was spring.

It’s unnatural.

A part of me is sick at the fact that I know this garden is maintained through magic. Someone is here forcing the plants to exist at a time that they shouldn’t be in bloom. The other part of me is just as amazed by the beauty. Full flowers here where there should be dead stems and decaying leaves. Don’t they need the time to recuperate?

In front of where Sehun and I find ourselves is a large bush. The two of us walk over to the tall shrub and I peek around it while Sehun stands behind saying not a word. Since Jongin left, the two of us have fallen into uncomfortable silence. It’s not that we are afraid to say anything to one another, but we just have nothing to say.

The opening of the bush appears to be the opening to some kind of complex maze. It doesn’t seem all that scary, but I know that if I were to go in there then I may never find my way out. It’s tall walls and lit pathways could easily swallow someone of my size, and without any magic to guide me out, I’d be lost to the world forever.

The thought scares me a bit, so I take a few step away, and settle for observing the rest of the life filled garden.  I scan the area and see the various colors, plants, and pieces of decoration. There are no bugs and animals though…it feels artificial in so many ways.

A glistening blue fountain pours out water not far from where we stand and catches my eye. The sound of its soft splashing is calming. I wonder if they turn it off when it gets too cold. Can’t pipes freeze?

The fountain itself is white, and it has a statue of a woman in the very middle. The woman has a solemn smile on her face as she pours never ending water out of her vase. At her waist there is a small, and seemingly intentional, break in the fountain that spills water out like a circular waterfall. The way the water pours out makes it seem as though the skirt of her dress is made of the water that fills the fountain. It makes her seem almost alive within the fountain.

“She really hates you, you know.” Sehun’s voice startles me out of my wandering thoughts. I pull my attention away from the woman with the water dress to look at Sehun’s serious face. After recalling what was just said it doesn’t take much more thought to know that he’s referring to the queen bitch of the castle. Moonbyul.

I scoff a second too long after the initial statement. “I noticed.” I turn away to follow the water flowing from the vase with my eyes. “I have no idea why though. I think a lot of the people here dislike me if not _hate_ me already.” I place my hands on my hips and bite at the drying skin on my lips.

“That’s because you don’t act like them.”

I face him once again. “Hmm? I thought I was doing a good job.”

He places a hand on his hip and frowns with his eyebrows. “Yeah you _thought_.” He says sassily. “You still don’t act like them. It’s painfully obvious. And they definitely don’t like how you are treated by your Highness; you get away with way more than you should.”

“You think I don’t know that? I didn’t ask to be treated like this! She’s weird and I don’t know why she’s doing this to just me. I’ve been thrown overboard into unfamiliar waters and she’s the only person who’s been nice to me. I can’t trust anyone, no one likes me, and sometimes it all feels like too much. But I don’t have a choice in being here anymore…so I could care less if all of you hate me. I’m not leaving until I have to.” I huff and stomp over to the edge of the fountain to sit. I pull my coat tighter around myself and hunch over so that my head can rest on top of my interlocked fingers. Sehun sits quietly beside me.

I know that not many of the people in the castle are fond of me, but that doesn’t mean that I can even do anything about it. My job is just to stay alive for now, not make friends with the Gaia. As of right now the only thing I know that I have to do is make sure the Charmers or humans don’t hate me. I have to keep the Queen’s trust, and I have to have the males on my side. I don’t know how long I can do both before I’m forced to choose one side.

And it’s useless trying to act as Luhan taught me, since they all know that I’m not like them. I can just blame it on the fact that I’m not used to living in this kind of place. I was raised differently, I can say.

Not a lie. I _was_ raised differently…in a way that taught me to despise all of them and everything that the Gaia are doing to the world. I’ve done a good job of hiding my disgust, but I’ve been too nice I guess.

I don’t think that’s a fault though. Being nice is supposed to be a good thing right?

I hear giggling from opposite us. Sehun and I lift our heads to see two women exiting the maze hand in hand across the courtyard. They were very close to one another and the way that they were looking at one another made me feel as though I was watching some intimate interaction that I had no business seeing.

The two notice us by the fountain watching them, and the curvier of the two whispers to her shorter partner. The shorter laughs while covering her mouth with her hand as she continues to look in our direction. I make eye contact with the curvier of the two and she sends me a sultry wink right before the two of them burst out laughing and walk down a separate path further into the garden.

I glower at their backs. As they walk off merrily, I take note of the sudden eerie silence too late. The sound of the fountain water splashing is gone. Behind us the fountain water no longer fills the wide basin, and all of the water pouring out from the woman’s dress and vase are flowing against the weight of gravity.

I follow the stream with my eyes and my mouth drops open when I realize all of all of it is collecting in a large ball of condensed water.

Right above us.

I grab the fabric of Sehun’s jacket in fear. He looks up as well and his eyes widen.

“What the fu-” before I can finish my curse the water is released from whatever was keeping it afloat and all the cold water dumps right on top of us both. I sit in shock as the freezing water soaks through my clothes and begins to reach my bones. I stand up and look down at the wet articles appalled. Sehun stands up panicked.

“I-I’m so sorry! I should have- I should have stopped it. I di-”

“You couldn’t have.” I say cutting off Sehun’s fervent apology. I don’t know why he’s apologizing for those assholes’ actions. I can hear the tremor in his voice from the cold water as well, and him apologizing for something he couldn’t have stopped isn’t going to help either of us. “You didn’t realize it was happening until it was too late too.” I shiver violently and shake out my arms. The clothing is heavy and is getting stiffer the longer it’s allowed to freeze outside in this weather.

I knew the bullying would start any day now. Yeah there were some Gaia who were nice to me because the thought I was cute, but a majority of them blatantly hate me. It’s obvious. I’m only shocked that I’d lasted this long. I’m also surprised that it wasn’t Moonbyul who initiated it. Maybe she doesn’t hate me as much as I assumed.

“Let’s go inside and change before we catch colds.” I mutter.

The two of us walk through the castle halls leaving thick trails of water in our wake. I know someone is going to clean it up, and I feel bad for the poor (probably) human who will have to follow the wet trail behind us.

Back securely in my room I toss my sopping coat to the floor. “Go ahead and change your clothes. You’ll get sick if you wear them much longer.” I say firmly. Sehun looks so upset by the sudden turn of events, and if he looks at me sadly any longer I might break down myself. I don’t want to cry about this, and I don’t want us to get sick. I’m not going to let him fuck up his health just staring at me apologetically. He doesn’t move from his growing puddle and I huff. “Seriously. Go.”

“What…what if you get attacked while I’m gone?” I frown at the concern. I didn’t think that he hated me, but I sure as hell didn’t think he gave a shit about my safety. Seeing him look at me with an expression outside of his usual straight face makes me feel weird. Seeing him without that stoic guard makes _me_ feel vulnerable.

“It’s just water. People don’t even come into my room usually, and I can deal with some petty bullying.” I say gently. He opens his mouth to protest, but I start talking before he can. “If you don’t go and change then I’ll stand right here as well so that we both get sick.”

“You cant-”

“I know what I said.”

It’s an empty threat, and a mean one at that. If I got sick because of him, it wouldn’t be pretty for either of us. There would be nothing I could say to the Queen to calm her down over my childish reasons for getting sick, nor would she be calm over his childish reasons for allowing me to get sick. He pouts minutely before slowly backing up out of my room. I watch him expectantly until he reaches the door and pauses.

I make a ‘shoo’ motion with my hand. He finally leaves entirely. Once he is gone, I immediately strip from the cold and heavy articles and walk into my bathroom to take a hot shower.

I kind of want to try out the tub, but it’s the size of a fucking swimming pool and I can neither swim nor get myself to waste that much water for my own selfish desire. So I go with my original plan to shower and quickly warm myself up.

The warm shower is much needed, and I can almost feel it fighting the cold that was starting to form. I step out and wrap a light blue towel around my body.

Four sharp knocks at the bathroom’s double doors startles me.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me. Are you alive?” Sehun.

I roll my eyes at the dumb question. “No I’m not. I’m talking to you through a portal from hell.” I hear him scoff. I chuckle and push my doors open with a grand flourish. I see him sitting, back erect, on the couch by the unused fireplace. I give him a ‘one moment’ gesture and quickly travel to my closet to throw on some clothes.

I plop down on the cushion farthest from him.

“Are you…um okay?” he asks hesitantly.

“Yeah. It was going to happen at some point. I’m not shocked or even mad.” I admit nonchalantly. “But are _you_ okay?” I ask genuinely. I study his face worriedly. His eyes widen at the question.

“Y- um y-yeah.” He stutters. He looks away embarrassed. It always shocking how questions and actions that show any kind of care make them act so flustered. It’s fucking sad. I nod after he answers me.

“Good.” I set my bare feet down on the tiles, and am pleasantly surprised by their warmth. Heated tiles? Nice.

“Do you think this is going to happen again?” he asks quietly. I wiggle my toes against the ground.

“Probably.”

“…do you think it will happen when I’m not around?” I tilt my head to the side thoughtfully while focusing on my feet.

“I wouldn’t doubt it.”

I glance over in his direction to see him looking down at the tiles as well. “You should ask the Queen for a new Charmer. For a better one.” He mutters after a few moments of silence. I look at him with a grimace. What is he trying to get at? “I wasn’t able to help you…I don’t think I’ve been much help to you at all since you got here. Maybe you should just have Jongin…” I can’t stop the humorless laugh that escapes from my mouth.

“Are you serious right now?” he looks up. “You can’t beat yourself up over what those stupid women did to us. I’m not switching you out, Sehun. I _like_ having you around you dingus. Honestly. Even though I’m not entirely sure if you enjoy being around me, I still appreciate having you around.” I admit.

“But you might get hurt, and I can’t protect you like someone else could. I’m not good enough-”

“No. I’m not listening to this. You are perfect the way you are Sehun. I couldn’t ask for a better friend to have here okay? You _and_ Jongin are my only friends here and I wouldn’t give up either of you if my life depended on it. I value you _both_. Don’t ever think you aren’t enough.” I say with serious eyes. His mouth opens ever so slightly as a pink washes over his pale cheeks.

“If you think I should get _extra_ protection, then we can do that. But I am _not_ , I repeat NOT switching you out unless you actually want to go. Do you not want to be with me anymore?” I don’t miss the slight sadness in my own voice. God dammit I didn’t mean to sound so wounded. He shakes his head quickly.

“No. I want to stay.” He says determinedly. I feel my body lightening at his words. He may never know how comforting it is to hear him say that. I smile.

“Great. Then tomorrow I will talk to the Queen about adding a new person to our group.”

* * *

 

The next morning rolls by, and as usual I am summoned to the Queen’s room as soon as she is awake.

“I have a request.” I say once the both of us are seated on her large canopy bed. She crosses her legs and waits patiently for me to continue. “I would like an additional personal servant.”

She furrows her brows and I search for a way to explain myself without getting anyone killed. I don’t want those women to die even though they were shitheads to me, and I don’t want Sehun to get in trouble for not being able to protect me. I don’t even want her to know that event happened really.

“I just think that I should have extra protection. Since I’m just a human I don’t have powers or anything, if anything were to happen I’d have no way to protect myself.” An honest thought.

She shrugs. “I don’t see why not. It sounds like a good idea. I’ll find you another.” I smile gratefully. “Is Sehun not doing his job well? Does he need to be punished for being unsatisfactory?”

I put my hands up defensively. “No! No, no. Sehun is great. I love him. He’s been amazing.” At my expression she begins to smirk.

“Have you gotten any use out of him yet?”

“Excuse me?”

“You know…have you…” she raises her eyebrows and then makes a few lewd motions with her hands.

_Have you fucked him?_ , my mind fills in what she doesn’t say aloud.

My jaw nearly drops to the floor at her insinuation. “No!! I mean um, no I haven’t. He’s uh, yeah he’s really handsome and everything but like…no. I uhm, I haven’t uh felt the need to.” Her sly smile shows that she doesn’t believe a word coming out of my mouth. I don’t know why I feel so flustered about her thinking such things. I mean yeah Sehun is like _really_ attractive, but I’m not going to just…do him because he’s there for that. With the way I responded though, I probably wouldn’t believe it either that all our interactions have been innocent.

“Have you had your eyes on any other specific Charmers in my castle?” She questions. Jongin immediately comes to mind only because if he was specifically mine Moonbyul couldn’t keep playing around with him. I don’t say his name though because I’m pretty sure he just belongs to the castle as a whole and I don’t think I actually have any authority to claim him as my own. How possessive.

Instead I respond, “No, but I was wondering if I’m allowed to treat my Charmers as I want.”

“Of course. They are yours. They are to do whatever you say.”

That’s not exactly what I meant, but I don’t think I’d be able to explain to her what I truly mean. I hope this means that I’m allowed to openly be nice to my Charmers. She means they do whatever I want no matter what, but what if I want them to not have to follow that rule…maybe I’ll ask her about that later on. For now, I’ll take this as the okay to be nice. She crawls behind me and begins to do her routine hair braiding.

I don’t get why playing in my gross hair is so soothing to her, but if it’s really that pleasant to her, then so be it. She sighs lightly. “In two weeks there’s going to be a really big party here.” She starts.

“What for?” I ask while her nimble fingers caress my scalp.

“My birthday! There is going to be a huge banquet and entertainment that lasts for days. People from _all_ over the kingdom are going to be coming here, and they’re all going to be stuffy and boring but I want you right by my side.” Her voice is soft, but it’s obvious that she’s excited for the event.

“Of course. I’ll be right there.” I say. I know I don’t really have much of a choice, but even if I did I would still be right there with her. The Queen is definitely…different from her counterparts. She doesn’t seem to think about what’s happening as a thing that isn’t normal. She’s been raised to believe that this is just the way things are. She isn’t bad. She’s just a product of her environment. If I could find a way to prove to her that things should be different, then I think she would willingly do it.

She’s a good person I know it.

I hear her yawn from behind me. I look over to her clock hanging on her wall. It’s only 11am.

“I’m still tired. I want to rest for a while longer before I have to start my day. Stay with me?” I nod. I like staying with the Queen. She’s like the big sister I never had. She lies down atop her covers and almost instinctively I slot myself in front of her so that she is spooning me.

I close my eyes and let my own tiredness cloud over me. Her hands roam until they find comfortable places on my body to settle, and surprisingly I’m not even affected by it. I know her hands are touching places they shouldn’t normally be (aka right on my chest), but I’m not bothered by it. When she finally settles I let out a content breath and fall asleep in her arms.


	27. 25. Welcome to the Club

“Why are all of these old consoles so difficult to hook up?”

“They aren’t meant for our TVs. They weren’t made to be displayed on these.”

“Are these TVs really that different from the old ones?”

“Apparently. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so hard to hook up the console.”

“Why aren’t there new consoles that aren’t bitches to hook up then?”

“June, I’m not a video game engineer.”

“And I know that, but could you let me complain for like _once_.”

Sehun and I found ourselves setting up shop in the rarely used entertainment room. It’s late afternoon and we’ve been trying to figure out how all of the toys and games in this part of the castle work. After nothing ended up being any fun, Sehun suggested trying the video game consoles.

Unfortunately, these are the olden systems and neither of us have any experience with having to hook up stuff like this.

“Tao would know how to hook this up.” I grumble from my spot on the ground surrounded by colorful plugs.

“Tao?” Sehun hands me a purple plug while frowning with his eyebrows.

“My friend.” I say quietly. I connect the purple cable to the side of the television. It looks like we only need a green one now. “Hand me the black thing with the green end.” I point to the mentioned chord at his feet. He hesitates before picking it up.

“Is that person still…alive?” he holds the chord in his hands while waiting for my response. His mouth is straight, but his eyes are sincere. He looks afraid to be asking such a question.

I hum. “He is. I just miss him is all. He is perfectly fine…the last time I checked at least.” He stretches out his arm so that I can grab the final chord. I take it and plug it into its respective spot. Finally, the system comes to life on the large screen. He keeps his eyes trained on me while I finger through the game cases that we can play.

Talking about him aloud here feels kind of taboo. It’s not like I’m not allowed to have old friends, but voicing his existence makes me feels as though he is just an _old_ friend. Someone I’ve lost touch with. Someone I’ve drifted away from, and can barely remember.

But he isn’t that.

I can remember Tao as vividly as I can remember what color my room is. I can remember his laugh, his smile, his touch, and his voice. Thinking about all of it is painful. Being away from him for as long as I have feels as though I’ve lost some part of myself. Sitting here and being able to actually have a moment to remember how much I miss him hurts _so fucking much_. It sucks that the only thing I can do is just remind myself that he’s alive out there and that he’s fine.

And really, I’m not sure if he _is_ still alive. I can only hope he is since I haven’t been told otherwise. I know that my frown has gotten deeper, and I know that Sehun wants to say something to try and lift my mood, but I don’t want him to feel burdened with the task so I plaster on a fake smile and pull out a random game that my hand had stopped on.

“This one looks fun.” I tried to sound bright, but even I could hear the lingering sadness in it. I clear my throat and hand the case to him. Grabbing the two controllers, I stand up on my feet and walk over to the couch so that I we can sit on the cushions to play.

He sets himself down on the cushion closest to me and picks up the second controller. “Do you…want to talk about it?” he asks after a moment.

I press a few buttons until we get to the starting screen of the game. “No. I feel worse just thinking about it.”

“You know,” he looks at the television thoughtfully before directing his eyes to my profile. “If you just hold feelings in then you only feel worse about them. You have to say them out loud so that you can come to terms with them. If you miss your friend, it’s fine to talk about him…to me…” I look at him as his speech drifts off and he looks back towards the TV screen. “Or whatever.”

I smile a small smile at how he tries to hide when he has meaningful things to say. He is right, but I still don’t think I’m ready to talk about anything from before…not yet at least. It’s too soon after I left. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you Sehun.” He grunts and clicks away choosing the difficulty level and stage for our game.

The sound of someone clearing their throat alarms the both of us in to turning around towards the entranceway.

It’s the Queen and some tall boy with deep dyed red hair.

“June,” Sehun and I stand up at the sound of my name; he drops down to his knees and I glance down at him before studying the Queen and the subservient boy behind her.

I wonder…

“Sehun…stand up.” I say loud enough for both him and the Queen to hear. He stiffens, the boy with the red hair’s eyes widen, and the Queen’s expression doesn’t change. This is risky, but I have to test out my theory at some point. I’m supposed to be allowed to do whatever I want with my Charmers. Do my commands overrun hers when it comes to them? The Queen says and does nothing to indicate that I should stop, so I nudge Sehun’s leg with the toe of my foot. “It’s fine. You can get up.” I crouch down and place a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

He shakily gets on his feet and poorly hides behind me. He is too tall to try and hide behind me, but I don’t stop him. I look back to the Queen who is still only looking at me with the same expression. She doesn’t appear mad, but she doesn’t look pleased. If I had to guess, I’d assume that she is…just observing.

“What were you two doing?” she asks calmly. Again, no trace of anger, but not the usual happiness either. I contain my nervousness and step to the side so that I can link my arm with Sehun’s while keeping my eyes trained on hers.

I’m really pushing it, but she did say that I can treat my Charmers as I want. However, I don’t think I’d ever be able to explain to her what I want from them so I have to show it to her. I’m challenging a lioness in her own den, but I can’t back down now.

“Sehunnie and I were about to play some video games.” I smile at the end and squeeze his arm comfortingly. She looks down at the innocent contact and then nods.

“Ah.” She turns to face the other Charmer in the room. “Well sorry for disrupting, but this is Chanyeol. He will be your personal servant from now on as well.”

I resist the urge to wave at the boy and instead utter an, “Okay.” I hope my death is quick for what I’m about to do. “Chanyeol, come over here and play with us. We need an unbiased referee.”

I wait for the sun to explode or something for me speaking so boldly to the Charmers and having them do things that don’t follow standard procedure. The Queen only smiles and nods approvingly before turning on her heel. “Have fun darling.” She calls back with a wave. I exhale and deflate. All the tension leaves my body once she is out of sight. Sehun wriggles his arm away from my weak grasp and boldly smacks me on the shoulder.

“Why’d you do that! You aren’t supposed to give commands in front of the Queen, you could have gotten us _killed_. We almost got in trouble. I can’t even fathom what she would have done to us because of your stupid stunt!” he whisper yells. I hold a hand to my heart and let out another relieved breath.

“But she didn’t do anything.” I bite my lip to keep from smiling too wide at the realization. “I had to prove a point. To you and myself. She doesn’t care how I treat you as my personal ‘servant’ or whatever. If I want to be nice, then I can be nice. That’s such a relief. I was tired of acting distant whenever I leave my room with you.”

He grips his black hair harshly with his hands. “You almost gave me a heart attack with your little _experiment_.” He hisses. I laugh shortly and throw my arms around his neck while on my tip toes.

“Calm down. You’re fine, and now we can both be reassured that as long as I’m around you won’t ever be hurt again.” I let go of him and as expected he is stunned by both the words and the sudden physical interaction. I pat his cheek affectionately. “Now, let’s both relax and have some fun. Can you finally be _you_ and not a palace servant when we’re together now? I want friends, not servants.” I whip around to point towards the stunned redhead. “You too Chanyeol.” He looks up briefly at the mention of his name. “You can look at me. I prefer it. We are all just…” can’t say humans. “… _people_ here. I want you guys to like me, and to not hate having to ‘work’ for me or fear me or anything. You have as much say in what you do when you’re with me as I do. Okay?” I look at the each of them and then clap my hands together loudly. “Now that all of that is worked out, Chanyeol would you like to join us? We’re actually playing video games, and it’d be nice if you’d join us. If you don’t want to you can just…go back to your room or whatever.”

I hope I don’t have to break through this Chanyeol guy. I’m tired of having to re explain my intentions. I know it isn’t their fault for not believing me, but just this once I want someone to just _trust_ me on what I’ve said. I think I proved myself well enough in front of the Queen. I face the paused game screen and sit heavily on the middle cushion. After having snapped out of his shock, Sehun sits on my left and picks his controller back up with a frustrated pout lingering on his lips.

Chanyeol makes his way over to us and looks at the empty space beside me with apprehension. I pat it softly. “I don’t bite or smell or anything. You can sit you know.” He does without much more hesitation.

* * *

“You’re cheating!”

“No I’m not, you just suck.”

“I wouldn’t suck if you’d stop stretching your long ass arms to slap my controller out of my hands!”

“I can’t help that you don’t know how to keep your controller in your- yah! Don’t kick me- ow!!”

“Now who sucks?!” I laugh loudly as I pass him in the racing game. “Suck on that loser.”

“At least my car isn’t ugly.” I pause the game and look at him offended.

“Excuse me? Whose car is ugly? The last time I checked it was you who wanted this car at first.”

“I did, but since you got it first it’s ugly now. I hope you’re happy with your ugly car.”

“And I hope you’re happy with your ugly face.”

“Yah!”

“Don’t get mad just because you don’t know how to handle getting your butt whooped in a video game.”

“I haven’t ever played video games before.” He whines. I roll my eyes.

“You’re just making up excuses, you loser.”

Sehun and I have been going back and forth like this for at least two hours now. He’s a giant baby with a smartass mouth apparently. Being able to see this new side of him feels amazing. He’s smiled, he’s laughed and he’s been throwing back insults just as quickly as I can form them.

I haven’t gotten the chance to have this kind of harsh playful banter in a while. It’s nice to let off steam this way. Chanyeol also quickly fell into the rhythm of things within the second hour. When he first spoke up to tell me how to beat Sehun I was taken off guard. His voice was deeper than the very pits of hell. For someone who looked like he was an overgrown elf child, his voice was surprisingly deep and husky.

I thought he was on my side when it came to playing the game, but I quickly found out that he was helping and sabotaging us both. He’d tell me ways to beat Sehun, and then turn right back around telling Sehun how to prevent it. He would giggle whenever his plans to fuck us over would work, and I was getting more frustrated with this whole game the longer it went on. I only kept playing to see and hear the joy radiating off the two. I don’t know if Sehun is going to go back to being guarded around me, and I don’t know if Chanyeol is going to lose his smile once this is over. So I play on for their sake, the giant smiling elf, and the sassy straight faced baby.

At a particularly hard level Sehun begins to sufficiently kick my ass and Chanyeol tries to coach me through it, but it doesn’t work. I press the buttons hard and Sehun chuckles.

“Having trouble?”

“Suck my ass.” I mutter.

“Pressing the buttons harder won’t help. You have to pay closer attention to the track and find the shortcuts.” Chanyeol’s deep voice rumbles from beside me. Without pausing the game, I hand him the controller. My car careens off the road on my screen while Sehun’s advances on.

“You do it. I give up.” I sit back in the couch and cross my arms over my chest while the two Charmers continue to play on as if they could care less that I’d just given up. I roll my eyes playfully while they play on as if this is the most fun that they’ve ever had in their lives.

I finally look out the window and see that the sun is going down. None of us have eaten since coming here, and I’m hungry so I assume they must be as well. I’ll go and get us all some food and come back before they’ve even noticed. The two of them are so engrossed in the game and bickering that I don’t even think they will notice my absence.

Without a word I stand and quickly leave the room.

In the kitchen, I’m not greeted with Minseok’s familiar face but instead with someone else I’d seen in here, only briefly, before. The last time he was injured. This time, he looks perfectly fine and as if he’s never been hurt in his life. He has nearly black hair and wide brown eyes. He is quite handsome. The guy bows his head politely upon my entrance.

“I haven’t seen you in here before.” I lie. I don’t want him to know my first time seeing him was when he was bruised up. “Where is Minseok?” I ask pulling out the chair at the counter.

“He is in the back baking for one of the other Mistresses at the moment ma’am.”

Ma’am? What am I, his mother?

“Oh okay…well what is your name?” I ask. He looks up for a second clearly confused.

“Why do you need to know my name…um Mistress?”

I shrug knowing that he probably can’t see the movement. “If you don’t want to tell me then that’s fine. I was just curious. I like having names for people that I’ve met is all.”

He doesn’t answer. Instead he asks, “What would you like to eat Mistress?”

“Whatever is easy. Can you make 3 servings though?” he bows in response before turning away to pull out ingredients from this open kitchen. I sit in silence and watch him move around the kitchen as if it’s his home. The way he chops up ingredients and opens up containers is very cute. His muscles show as he twists open a particularly tight jar. Such a handsome chef.

“What are you staring at?” I jump in my seat at the voice. Jongin sits beside me with an innocent smile after having ‘poofed’ in and nearly given me a heart attack.

I pinch his arm. “Where have you been!?” I smack his arm for good measure. After Moonbyul took him, I haven’t seen the boy and I was worried something had happened. Yeah it had only been like a day and a half but _still_.

He laughs and only hugs me in response. “Where is Sehun?”

I jerk my thumb towards the door. “In the game room. I snuck away to get us all some food while him and Chanyeol are distracted by the racing game we’re playing.”

He tilts his head to the side and his hair brushes across his forehead at the movement. “You’ve met Chanyeol?”

“Yeah. The Queen came in with him earlier because I asked her for some extra protection.”

“Why do you need extra protection?”

“It’s no big deal.” I say waving off his worry. “There was just an altercation while Sehun and I were outside.”

“Sehun hit you?!” he asks incredulously. I snort.

“Wow. That’s not at all what I was saying. Sehun was just there with me when two women dumped the fountain water in the garden on us. It was Sehun’s idea for me to have the extra reinforcements.”

He visibly relaxes and scans my body for injuries as if he’ll be able to see anything. “But you’re fine?”

“Never better.” I respond honestly. “Just hungry. I figured the two losers in there are hungry as well.” I place a hand on my aching belly. Jongin turns to face the wide eyed boy.

“Can you make me something too Kyungsoo?”

The boy who I now know as Kyungsoo looks at the two of us with a mix of astonishment and concern. “You…you know each other?” the both of us nod with smiles. “Are you…friends?” he says friends as if it’s a term he isn’t used to saying.

“Yep. Jongin and I are friends.” I lean down and cup my mouth to whisper, “I knew him before coming here.”

“She’s not like them. She’s okay Soo.” Kyungsoo appears to be glaring at the two of us attentively, and I try to offer a grin to ease the growing awkwardness. It just comes off as awkward itself. Well this has been sufficiently uncomfortable.

I stand up. “Well I’m going to go back to the game room, I’ll come back for the food.”

“No, I’ll bring it to you guys.”

“I’ll just come back myself, I have arms and legs for a reason Jongin.” I bow my head at the two males and make my way out of the kitchen with sweaty palms. Kyungsoo is scary.

“There you are!” a large hand grips my wrist. Chanyeol looks relieved to have found me, and seems to be thinking nothing of the skin contact. This is a surprise. He guides me back to the game room with his loose grip on my wrist. “I was looking for you! You can’t just walk off; I’m supposed to be watching you. Why would you just leave like that, you can’t protect yourself wandering around alone.” He rambles in that deep but friendly voice.

I feel warm at the amount of concern he is showing right off the bat. I wonder if Sehun told him about why he was brought in so suddenly. He stops in the middle of our walk and let’s go of my wrist as if I’ve burned him. His eyes are wide when he says, “I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like-”

“It’s fine.” I interrupt. “You’re doing your job, and you were right. I should have said something.” Even though I blatantly walked in front of them when I left the room it seems as though they really didn’t notice me leaving. I grasp his hand in my smaller one and pull him in the direction that we were headed. “Let’s go back to Sehun.”

10 minutes later Jongin poofs into the room with us while Chanyeol and I are playing against one another. He sets a plate of kimbap on the ground in front of us and shoves one into his mouth.

“I told you I would come get it.” I tell him dismayed. He just shrugs and continues trying to swallow down the food. I pause the game and leave my spot on the couch so that I can sit across from him and within reach of the food. Chanyeol and Sehun slide off the furniture and sit around the large plate as well. We all reach out to start eating.

“Why is no one ever down here?” I ask to no one in particular before taking a bite of my food.

“Most of the Mistresses have all the entertainment that they need in their own rooms. They don’t have much use for the other rooms outside of special occasions.” Chanyeol’s eyes flicker in the direction of the stage behind Sehun.

Jongin notices and jumps in. “After dinner they don’t even really leave their rooms. That’s when most of us are called for their use…” he drifts off after realizing what he’s said. He tried to change the topic of conversation, but I can’t help but feel he’s only made it worse. I watch as the other two look away from me ashamed. I place a hand to my face frustrated at the fact that all of them are just fuck toys. They’re people, don’t the Gaia _get_ that?

“It’s really okay,” Sehun speaks up. “All of us have been doing this since we were young. It’s nothing at this point. I don’t even think it bothers any of us anymore.”

“He’s right. It just when we fuck up and are punished that things go…bad. Doing even one thing can get us sent to the dungeon and I think that’s the only thing we fear.” Chanyeol puts more food into his mouth after he finishes his admission.

I look at all three of their faces. “Like I said before, as long as you’re under me I’ll protect you. I’ll protect all of you.” Chanyeol smiles a small smile before returning his attention to the plate I front of us shyly.

 _“Since Kris left things have been on edge. We have no one who looks after us any longer. It’s just nice to have someone who cares about our wellbeing again I guess.”_ Jongin’s words from earlier this week come to mind.

Looking at the boys in front of me I can see that his words ring true. I wouldn’t call myself a Kris, but I do care about them all. I feel like a mom, and they are my babies that I need to protect even though I’m like 87% sure they’re all older than me.

“I have to go. I’m supposed to uh meet one of the Mistresses.” Jongin gives me a worried look. I know he’s trying to make it seem like it’s not _that_ , but I know that he’s a booty call for some woman here. He stands up to leave and then vanishes right before our eyes. I look at the almost empty plate and feel my appetite vanish.

“I’m going to head back up to my room.” I say standing and dusting off the front of my sweatpants. They both stand up as well.

“Okay let’s go.” Sehun says. I look down at the plate and then back to them.

“Um, you guys can stay I know how to go to my room.”

“No, come on.” Sehun grabs my arm and starts to pull me out of the room.

“But the food-”

“A human will pick it up.”

I don’t like the sound of that, but I let the two of them do their jobs and take me to my bedroom. Upon entry I go right to my closet so that I can take off the bra I was wearing. Once I reenter the main part of my room, I see the two of them still there standing vigilant as ever.

“Um, shouldn’t you be going to your hall now? I’m fine here.” Chanyeol looks at Sehun and they share a worried look.

“Whee-”

“We’ll see you in the morning.” Sehun keeps his hand over Chanyeol’s mouth as he drags him out of the room. “Don’t leave you room, and don’t let anyone in okay?” he says.

I roll my eyes playfully. “Yes, yes.” I wave at them as they finally exit. What is their deal anyway?


	28. 26. Old Faces in New Spaces

The castle is buzzing with life as the Queen’s birthday gets even closer. We have about a week until the festivities officially begin, but with the amount of people and noise that has been filling the castle these past few days, it feels like the party has basically already started. I’m sick of it already.

Banners are hung up along the walls, and streamers dangle from the high ceilings. The floors are all polished and gleam so brightly that I’ve almost been blinded on like 3 separate occasions. New decorations float around into places that were previously occupied with other things. It feels as though the entire castle is being remodeled, and all I do is watch uselessly. I haven’t been asked to do anything, and I’m sure it’s because of two reasons. One, I’m unofficially a royal and it would be blasphemous for me to do anything productive. Two, I couldn’t help even if I wanted to.

Gaia and Charmers both use magic to make the tasks given to them easier. Humans are put to work doing the physical labor that their magical counterparts don’t have the time for. Usually the tasks are ridiculously hard or physically tedious, and I’ve more often times than not seen Charmers and Gaia standing around when they could have helped the struggling humans, easily. All I see when I walk out of my room is an unequal division of hard labor and nonstop magic.

It was giving me a headache.

Sehun would always stay close to my side (a drastic change from before when he would be either in front to guide, or behind for me to lead him) to make sure that I don’t accidently (or purposely) get hurt by any moving objects. We haven’t had any more incidents involving petty bullying, but it seemed as though he was serious about making sure it didn’t happen again if he was around. Chanyeol would always be right behind us watching attentively and making joking comments at the same time.

It’s funny, being around the two of them has turned out to be so easy. With them with me (and Jongin whenever he isn’t needed) I feel less like a prisoner and more like a…distant member of an extravagant and icy family.

And as of late even the Queen has made her way even further into my heart. I find myself confiding in her more than before. Telling her funny things that Sehun and Chanyeol had done. Cool things I’d stumbled upon while walking around. I’ve even explained to her my feelings on the treatment of Charmers. I’ve been too afraid to bring up the topic of human boys yet. I don’t even think that the Charmers like them, so I’ve decided to wait on that one.

She was painting my fingernails after dinner in her room one night when I spoke out of the blue about my thoughts on the boys who can control the elements. “I don’t think that Charmers should be punished so harshly when they make mistakes.” She only tilted her head waiting for me to continue. “I don’t think it’s right for them to be beaten so badly for such minor infractions.”

“Um…okay?” she sounded genuinely confused about my concern. “I’m sorry that you feel that way. Does it distress you?”

“Kind of. It…hurts my feelings I guess.” I said hesitantly. She only hummed in acknowledgement while painting my index finger a bright red.

“I see.”

“I just…I don’t know. I see Chanyeol and Sehun in their places and it breaks my heart to think that they could be so hurt after doing one little wrong thing.”

“You have a soft heart.” She said while moving on to my middle finger with the nail polish. “I understand what you’re saying baby, but this is just how things are. Each Charmer’s Gaia can treat him as she sees fit, but for you I will try to make sure that none of the Charmers in the castle are punished too bad since you are so sensitive.”

“Really?!”

“Yes, but it’s only because you are so special to me.”

“…Thank you so much.”

“You will have to learn to accept these things though. They are property once they are given to you…you know that right?”

“Yes.” I didn’t. I don’t think it’s appropriate to equate them to property, but I guess I’ve got to start somewhere with her Highness, and this is progress so I let it go.

Currently, I find myself in the abandoned gym area in the middle of one of the dusty basketball courts with an orange ball in one hand and a water bottle in the other. I take a sip of the water and then set it on the ground out of my way. Chanyeol and Sehun stand at random spots on the court with athletic gear on and sweat dripping down their faces from our previous game where it was every man for himself.

As a break, we unanimously decide to just shoot the ball for fun for a bit.

I bounce the ball twice before walking up to the free throw line and tossing the ball into the hoop. It bounces at the edge before barely falling through the net. Sehun catches the rebound and shoots a layup before letting the ball roll in Chanyeol’s direction.

As I had said before, all of the party hype had been giving me a major headache, and it was getting too cold to just walk around outside. Remembering this unused section of the 2nd floor I instructed Sehun and Chanyeol to go put on clothes that they could run around in around 2 hours ago. After putting on shorts and a t-shirt myself, we’ve found ourselves shooting a basketball around in a quieter part of the building. A rare chance to relax in private these days.

I’m surprised no one thought to even come in here to redecorate for the upcoming influx of party goers.

“For tall people, you both kind of suck at basketball.” I observe when Chanyeol completely misses a shot from the 3-point line.

“And for a short person you kind of suck at being nice.”

“I don’t know…every short person I’ve met has been pretty mean. Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, Jongdae, Minseok…” Chanyeol begins to list off angry short people on his fingers and I pick up the basketball that has rolled my way just to chuck it at his thigh. It hits him and he falls to the ground dramatically hissing and acting overall _too_ much. Sehun starts to laugh at the act.

“You guys are assholes.”

“And you are small and cranky.” Sehun says after walking to Chanyeol’s side _not_ to check on him, but to pick up the ball before it rolls out of the court.

“That’s cause I’m so much closer to hell.” I say while crouching down like a crab and laughing evilly from the back of my throat. Sehun rolls his eyes and shoots the ball, barely making it in. Chanyeol finally picks his body up off the ground as if he just lived through being shot, still clutching his leg where the ball hit.

“Aish. That hurt.”

“Not nearly as much as you were acting like it was.”  I say deadpan. He suddenly starts smiling and lets go of his leg.

“You’re right. You got me.” I scoff out a laugh. Idiot. Chanyeol picks up the basketball and dribbles it a few times.

“It’s my turn to shoot.” I say.

“No. You used your turn on hitting Chanyeol. It’s his.” Sehun chimes in.

“Well he also missed his turn while he was lying on the ground.”

“But he didn’t throw the ball, so he still gets his turn.”

“Yeah. So wait your turn shorty.”

“I’m pretty sure this counts as bullying.”

“You’d have to have valid feelings in order to be bullied.”

“I take back what I told you the other day. I’d like to return you. Where is your receipt? I’d like a non-defective Charmer.” I say to Sehun while Chanyeol tosses me the hard basketball. I catch it and bounce it in place, listening to the sounds it makes reverberating off the walls. Sehun makes a face but makes no comment so I know that I’ve won this round. I take a few steps back towards the 3-point line, I bend my knees and then jump sending the ball in the direction of the orange hoop.

_Swish._

“Wah, how are you so good?” Chanyeol asks in wonder.

I shrug. “I used to play outside with my friends in the 2nd ring. Basketball was their favorite thing to play.”

“Was the Tao guy one of them?” Sehun asks after remembering the like _one_ time I mentioned him.

I nod. “Tao and I kind of sucked at it, so we would play but be divided up and put on the teams of the two better guys. That way it wasn’t unfairly split up.” I don’t know why I decided against using Kris and Luhan’s names. I guess I’m still afraid to be overheard by someone who shouldn’t hear.

Tao and I weren’t awful at basketball though, but compared to Luhan and Kris we might as well have been. I was almost always on Kris’s team, by choice. He was great and unarguably the better player of all of us, and when it came to helping me with tips and tricks he was always patient. It was just a plus that Tao and Luhan would be extremely upset whenever we would be in the lead.

I sigh at the memory and watch as Sehun takes another shot and nearly makes it. It spins around the edge of the hoop before it starts to fall out. Almost impossibly, it ends up going right back in.

“No magic, you brat.” Chanyeol fake punches at Sehun and the latter only shrugs before smirking. Wait what did he do? Is he telekinetic too?

“Wait,” I say stopping their impending quarrel. “What are you guys’ powers? In all the time we’ve been together, I don’t think I’d seen you guys use them once.” Unlike Jongin who poofs anywhere at any time _all_ the time, the two of them seem to avoid using their magic at every opportunity.

Instead of verbally giving me an answer, Sehun holds his hand up with his palm facing me. A cool gust of wind hits me and chills my sweating face. “Air.” He says simply.

“Whoa. Can you do anything cool with it?” I ask. He juts his bottom lip out slightly and then snaps his fingers after a moment of thinking. In the space between all of us, a small tornado forms. The dust in the area begins to get whipped up and as it gets bigger I start to cough. It dies down and I hold my shirt over my mouth and nose so that I can breathe while the dust and debris settles. “That’s amazing.” My voice comes out muffled by my shirt. I wave away the dirt. He smiles a proud smile.

I turn to face Chanyeol, and like Sehun he says nothing but holds his hand out palm facing the roof. A ball of fire flickers to life and floats right above his hand.

 _Oh my fucking God_.

My shoes squeak against the court as I take a staggering step backwards. His eyes are on his small flame and he looks at it with so much adoration that he doesn’t notice me taking small steps away.

Sehun however, does. “What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”

I shake my head as my heart pounds harder and faster in my chest. How the fuck can he look at that with so much happiness. How can he… _control_ it? I start to feel suffocated in this room, and for a moment I see Chanyeol as him. As the man who could throw fire. I don’t know who that man was, but for just one heart stopping moment I see him as Chanyeol. I envision Chanyeol as the one who destroyed my home, and my life.

The red head looks away from his hand and gives me a worried look. “What’s-” I step backwards as he takes a small step in my direction.

“Put it out.” I say softly. Sehun and him share a look.

_It’s not him. He’s too young to be him. There’s no reason to be afraid of Chanyeol. It’s_ **just** _Chanyeol._

But I still can’t deal with the fire. “Please. P-Put it out. Put that ou-out.” I stutter making sure to maintain my distance from him. It goes out as soon as I make the request again. My muscles relax and I can breathe easier without the fire in the room. Without it near me. My chest tightens in fear as memories from months and years ago resurface in my mind.

I was doing fine for a while. I thought that I had gotten over it all after having told others about it.

I thought I was fine.

“I’m gonna, I’m going back to my room.” I back away and Sehun takes a step forward. “Alone. I want to go alone. Just…please.” My voice wavers and he immediately stops. I turn around and book it towards the door. They don’t know what’s wrong, and I can’t tell them. I’m not ready to tell them. I don’t need another mental breakdown to happen so soon.

The back of my eyes start to burn, and I know that at any moment now I’m going to start crying actual physical tears, so I pick up my pace and duck my head so that no one wandering around the castle setting it up can see my watery eyes. On the staircase I bump into someone so hard that the two of us almost fall down.

“Excuse me Mistress.”

That voice.

My head snaps up to confirm that I know the voice’s owner and my heart squeezes when I see his face. “Luhan…” I whimper. His hair is no longer that light brown that it was when I last saw him, but nearly black, and it’s styled differently from normal. Longer. He looks great with the new hair style, and his soft smile is so fucking _pleased_ to see me that I almost let the unshed tears fall. At my expression his smile drops.

I don’t know if he can _see_ that I’m shaken up, but it’s obvious that he _knows_ I am. He glances around quickly and lets out a quiet curse. He looks to the ground and bows before apologizing once more and then begins to walk back down the stairs I was walking up. Before passing me he whispers, “I’ll come find you.” And then disappears down to the lower floor. I stand shocked in my spot.

A tear finally falls and I remember that I was heading to my room. After having seen Luhan, even for those 3 seconds, I feel even worse. I rush to my room and shut my door firmly before beginning to pace around in an attempt to calm my scattered nerves.

Chanyeol’s fire.

Luhan suddenly showing up.

Chanyeol can control the thing I fear most in this world and I happen to have gotten close to him. That’s _terrifying_. What if he gets mad at me…will he hurt me? Will I burn at the hand of one of my very own (dare I say) friends?

And Luhan. Luhan is in the castle, and left me on the stairwell. The greeting makes me think about how different it would be if it had been Tao that I’d happen to run in to. He’d never be here, but if I did see him again he’d hug me and probably never let me go. Seeing Luhan only brought up the longing feelings that I had pushed away. I want to see them. Kris and Tao and even though I saw Luhan I don’t know when I’ll get to see him again. What if he doesn’t get to see me at _all_ while he’s here?

Fuck. I don’t even know which one I’m crying about now.

“Luhan is here…” I mutter aloud to myself while consumed by my thoughts. I stop in my tracks and look at my door with wide eyes. Luhan is _here_!! Suddenly the tears stop and my emotions and hormones are overrun with the fact that he’s actually fucking here!

I missed him. I _miss_ all of them, but God with him here I actually realize how much I miss him. My heart starts to beat now in fear. How is he going to find me? Won’t we both get in trouble if he comes to my room? A loud knock causes my heart to stop beating for half a second. I stand in panic just staring at the large door.

Is it Chanyeol? Has he come for my life? I close my eyes and shake away the thought.

“Chanyeol isn’t going to hurt me.” I remind myself. I walk slowly to the door in fear of who awaits me on the other side.

“May I come in Mistress?” I let out a mix between a relieved sigh and a whimper when I see Luhan on the other side. Wordlessly, I grab his arm and yank him into my room. I shut and lock the door behind him, and stare at him with wide disbelieving eyes. He has on a nervous smile himself.

He’s actually right here. In front of me. Luhan is right here in my room in the castle right now. I can touch him if I reach out my hand again. “How-Why, why are you here?” I finally question.

“The Queen’s birthday. I told you, I’m summoned for special occasions. Many Gaia will be in attendance; I’m here on official business.”

Business.

The thought of all of the women who will be here touching him, kissing him, looking at him makes me feel sick. A flare of jealousy arises and I don’t even attempt to calm it. Who are they to enjoy his company purely to satiate their own selfish desires? They shouldn’t be able to touch him. They don’t appreciate him for who he is.

_And you do?_

“Wah, are you actually jealous?” Luhan questions while leaning it to take a closer look at my face. “I never thought I’d live to see the day. I’m honored, really.” He says with a grin. I frown at the teasing tone.

“No. Shut up.” I say quickly. He stuffs his hands in his pockets. “How did you get here? How’d you find my room?”

He smirks and shrugs. “I told the Queen that I’d heard she recently welcomed a new addition to the castle, and that I wanted to personally _welcome_ you myself.”

“Why are you stressing w- oh, ohhhh!” I say once I realize the implication of his words. I feel my face heat up, and my heart starts to speed up. Fuck.

The Queen just…agreed to letting some random guy come into my room to welcome me? What if he had been some creep? I reach out and smack Luhan’s shoulder. “Why would you say that? What if she finds out that you lied?” I hiss.

He laughs quietly. “It’s the only way I would have been able to come see you. I don’t think she’d take kindly to me going up to her say that I know you and want to talk to you.”

I roll my eyes am utter out a quiet, “Dummy.”

“And besides…who said that I was lying?” he tilts his head to the side and smiles a mock innocent closed lip smile. And there he is, the charming son of a bitch that I begrudgingly missed. We both just stare at one another after his comment, and I just take in the fact that this is happening. He’s right _here_.

I’m hyper aware of his presence, and it’s really taking every ounce of control I have not to jump him right here and now. That string between us feels as though it’s trying to force me to go to him, but I’m trying to fight it with all that I have. I have _control_ and I’m not going to let my juvenile hormones run me once again, but the way that he looks and the fact that I haven’t seen him in just over a month slowly breaks my resolve. Right before I can make any move, he huffs and takes a step closer.

“Fuck it, I can’t wait any longer.” He closes the distance between us and latches his mouth to mine and I lose every ounce of determination that I had tried to keep. The familiar feeling of euphoria and heat fills my body as I lose myself in the feeling of…Luhan.

Through the slight feeling of unease that this is inappropriate in this place, I mindlessly let my hands wander as his do the same. He pulls our bodies closer together and I twine my fingers into his scalp. “Mm, _fuck_ …” I pepper kisses down his jawline, to his throat, and leave the faintest of kisses against his collarbone. “I missed you so much.” His whispers. I smile against his skin before placing a chaste kiss to his lips.

“I missed you too. Now, take this fucking shirt off.” I say yanking at the clothing article. That sneaky smile makes its appearance.

“Someone’s eager.” I roll my eyes at his comment and help him unbutton damned shirt. Once it falls to the ground, he picks me up by the thighs (taking me totally off guard). I let out a yelp and wrap my arms and legs around him to keep myself from falling down. My surprised look causes him to smile and plant a kiss on my cheek.

Whoa, that was a first.

 He walks the both of us over to the edge of my bed and sits me on the edge. I blink stupidly; he kneels in front of me.

“What are you-”

“Hush,” He lifts up one of my legs and kisses the side of my knee. “Just relax, okay?” his lips ghost up my leg and stops right at the bottom of my shorts. I watch him with bated breaths as he begins to pull them down while keeping his eyes on my own. My shorts are tossed to the side. “I want to make you feel good.” He murmurs as his hands push open my legs and he slots himself between them. Watching him pull my underwear down sinfully slow, my arms feel like they’re made of pudding. “Will you allow me to do that?”

His fingers graze across my skin as my underwear are pulled lower.

And lower.

I forget how to breath under his intense gaze.

He pauses in his movements and I remember that he asked me a question.

What did he ask me?

I blink dumbfounded and he only chuckles as he removes my panties from around my ankles to toss them haphazardly across the room so that they can join my shorts. He straightens up and places a hand in the middle of my chest. “Lie down. I’ve got you, don’t worry.” I nod and settle back against my sheets.

Even without him actually telling me what he’s about to do, I know. I’ve never done _this_ before…shockingly enough, and like half of me is terrified of what’s about to happen, but the other half is hella fucking turned on and excited for what’s to come. I close my eyes and take my bottom lip between my teeth to keep myself calm when I feel one of my legs being hooked over his shoulder and his warm breath against the inside of my thigh.

Oh my god, I’m so nervous right now I could throw up. Why does he want to do this? I haven’t even like mentally prepared myself for anything like this to happen. What if he doesn’t like it? What if I like accidently _pee_ on him or something! Can that happen? Can you pee on someone while they’re, you know, _down there_?

He kisses my inner thigh so softly that I almost don’t feel it. I figure it’s meant to calm down my obvious tension.

And then his lips go _there_ in a short kiss that wasn’t meant to do much besides make his presence known. A gasp slips from my mouth and I slap a hand over it. The noise happened so unconsciously. I hear him chuckle from below, and I swear this might be the most embarrassing moment of my life. His tongue flattens against my entrance before moving and swiping quickly across the sensitive bud of nerves. I feel so exposed and vulnerable and _good_ and wow.

My fingers grip at my sheets as he continues to work his oh so talented tongue in my most sensitive of regions. I squirm in place as the sensations become more intense, and dear mother of _god_ this boy is good with his mouth…

But how many other women have felt this same way? How many women have had these same thoughts? Had these same jolts from his ministrations? The thoughts lie there in the back of my mind while most of my attention is put on the euphoric feeling that is making my stomach coil and my heart thud warning me of my impending orgasm.

“Ah, ah. Fuck I’m almost, I’m almost there.” I pant. He only hums in acknowledgement and the vibrations from his mouth are just enough to bring me over the edge. My back arches off the mattress and I whimper out his name while he continues to suck on the throbbing nub to draw out the blissful feeling.

I let out a heavy breath and open my eyes to look at the ceiling. “Wow.” I murmur. Luhan finally moves from his position between my legs and I sit up on my elbows to look at him. He wipes at the corners of his lips with his thumb before sticking it in his mouth and sucking on it.

I feel embarrassed just watching him, and I can’t believe I just let him do that. I feel my body heating up from shame rather than arousal at how _vulnerable_ I just was under his control. He crawls up on the mattress and straddles me. “I was great right?” he asks with a pure smile and I scrunch up my nose because _yes_ he was, but I refuse to verbalize it. “You don’t have to say it, I already know.”

The fuck? Can he read minds now?

He closes the distance between our mouths again (I can taste myself on his tongue and it’s strange, but definitely not the worst thing I’ve ever tasted) this time kissing so languidly, tender, and deep that it sends a mix of emotions through me again. It’s full of emotion in itself and I know that he’s trying to convey something through it, but even though it’s obviously there for me to pull out and name I can’t get myself to identify it.

I’m afraid to identify it.

Even if he has feelings outside of the innocent flirting and fucking we’ve done, I can’t accept them. I **won’t** accept them. It’ll just cause trouble for everyone in the end and I don’t want that. I’ve already locked away the very _thought_ of letting myself get too deep in my feelings, so it’s meaningless to even acknowledge it.

He pulls away, and stands up in front of me before putting his hands into his pockets. His erection is obviously unattended to, but it seems as though he has no intention of doing so. “Aren’t you gonna-”

“Nah, don’t worry about me. I just wanted to make sure you got off.”

I scoff. “Don’t do that. This isn’t supposed to be just for me. I want _you_ to feel good too.” I repeat his earlier phrase. “Now get back over here, and _fuck me_ Luhan.”

His eyes widen at my choice of words and he appears to be frozen in his spot. I’ve gotta do everything for these boys I swear. I stand up and hook my finger through his front belt loop, ignoring my own partial nudity while looking at him through my eyelashes. “I know you want to.”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows nervously. I place the palm of my hand to the front of his pants and he hisses almost painfully.

He was going to give himself blue balls playing around.

What a fucking idiot.

I pull down his zipper and kneel in front of him as I yank the pants down to the ground. I place my hands on his legs and let my fingers dance up his thighs and stopping right before the bottom of his boxers. “What do you want?” I ask quietly. “I’m not very good at blowjobs.” I admit. I tilt my head up so that I can look at his face. “But if you want, I will try my best.” His mouth is parted and he lets out a shaky breath before shaking his head.

Now who’s flustered?

“No.” He says hoarsely. “I just want to feel you…I want to feel you around me.” I can see his painfully hard cock twitch in his boxers.

“Okay.” I say softly. I grab the hem of his patterned boxers and pull down the thin fabric before kissing the droplet of pre cum at the slit of his penis. He groans throatily. I stand back up on my feet and turn him so that his back is to my bed and I’m in front of him. “Lie down.” I instruct. He follows without hesitation. I smile briefly before pulling my own shirt off, and then ridding myself of the sports bra I had been wearing. “Just let me take care,” I straddle him and position myself above him “, of you.”

I press my palms to his bare chest and let out a breath before lowering myself down. Both of us release groans of pleasure and I bite my bottom lip harshly to keep from making any louder noises even though I know for a fact that no one would be able to hear anything from outside.

That nagging part of my mind comes back telling me that multiple women have and _will_ be doing the same thing with him in this very castle.

Am I slut shaming him for something that he’s being more or less forced to do?

_Yet here you are using him for the exact same._

But I’m not. I don’t think. He came here, and he wanted to do this.

_But not for the same reasons, and you know that._

I do. I do know that, but we’ve come too far to just stop now. Whether I’m playing with his feelings, and whether or not my straying emotions are making it worse means nothing right now. Right now, we’re just trying to show one another that we missed the other.

Right?

* * *

Tired and sweating, the two of us stare in silence. After having chased our highs, we’ve resorted to gathering our energy in the comfort of my bed’s soft sheets. Unlike last time, Luhan is wide awake after and is stroking the side of my face with his hand slowly.

I let him do it since it feels nice, and it seems as though he needed to do it for his own comfort.

“How’ve you been?” he asks finally. I take a moment to think. I could be serious, but I decide against it.

“Your lessons didn’t work for shit.” I reply honestly.

He laughs loudly at the answer. “What do you mean?”

“The Queen for one…she isn’t anything like you said she would be. I was expecting some cold old woman who would like…whistle for me when I was needed,”

“But?”

“But…she’s really actually nice. She has a weird habit of touching me and I think she like, _likes_ me. She treats me like a daughter and also like a wife and I don’t know. She’s not like a Queen as much as she is like a…powerful friend.” I tell him honestly. He stops touching my face to give me a thoughtful look.

“That’s not entirely shocking.”

“What?”

“This was the outcome I least expected, but I’m not surprised by this. She wasn’t this way with Wheein, but you two are totally different so I guess she’d treat you differently.”

“Wheein?”

He hesitates, “The last human girl.”

“Oh…”

“I’m not sure, but I think that she’s probably planning something for you. I don’t know what, but I’ll talk to Kris about it and we’ll figure it out.” I perk up at the mention of the giant dork.

“How is Kris? How is Tao? Are they okay? Have they been eating? Can you tell them that I miss them? Tell them I’m okay. I know Tao is probably worried because he’s a child, and I’ve practically spent every day with him since we met so I might as well be his mother.” I ramble. He rolls his eyes playfully.

“You’re lying naked with _me_ and you’re going to ask about them with no problems?”

“Well I mean I’ve lied naked with Tao too but-”

His hand covers my mouth. “Okay wow, that’s something I _don’t_ want to hear right now.” He looks grossed out, and I find myself giggling behind his hand. His expression melts into a small smile and I feel an overwhelming sense of peace just lying with him and talking like this.

But I know it won’t last for long.

“How long are you going to stay?” I ask -once his hand isn’t blocking my mouth- already dreading the answer.

“Just until the party is over.” It hurts to hear even though I already assumed that was when he’d leave. It’s disheartening to know that he has to leave as soon as the festivities are over, and even while _is_ here he’s going to be working for a majority of the time so I won’t be able to get him alone to talk.

But that’s fine. That’s life I guess.

“Why were you so upset earlier?”

“Oh…that?” I ask sheepishly. I had almost forgotten the whole…fire ordeal.

It seems as though he takes the silence as me being upset about him not saying anything on the staircase, and I mean yeah I was kind of sad about that but it wasn’t that big of a deal. “I’m sorry for not…doing anything on the staircase. You looked like you needed a hug or words of comfort or something, and I wanted to…but there were people around and I couldn’t risk that even though literally everything in me was telling me to hold you.” He admits.

I laugh shortly. “You’re my bitch.”

He narrows his eyes at my joke after his serious confession, “You and Tao are really too similar.” I’m sure we are.

“Blah, blah, blah _anyway_ I was upset because hmm…” how do I even start to talk about this? I sit up on my elbows and let the cover fall to my lap. He eyes glance at my bare chest briefly before looking back up. I roll my eyes.

Idiot.

“Remember how I said that I’m afraid of fire and large bodies of water?” he nods. “I found out that one of…” my friends? Servants? “one of the Charmers with me uses fire.”

“Chanyeol?”

“How’d you know?”

“I lived here, remember? I know nearly all of the guys here.”

“…well yeah. It’s Chanyeol. They were showing me their powers and I don’t know, I freaked out and I don’t know what to tell them.”

“Perhaps the truth?”

“It’s not that simple. I’m _scared_ Luhan.” I lie back on my side and look at him as earnestly as I can. He stares back silently before he nods his head.

“I’ll talk to them then. I’ll handle it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’ll handle it. Do you need a step by step outline?”

“It’d help.”

“You’re an ass.”

“And you have a cute ass.” I chirp back. He raises his hand as if to hit me, and I hold my hands up to cover my face while laughing. We fall back into comfortable silence, and I find myself playing with the hair on his forehead. “Am I going to be able to see you again before you leave?” I murmur more to myself than to him.

He clicks his tongue. “I should have known. Ah what a burden.”

“Burden?” my hand pauses in his hair and I look at him with confusion. He grabs it and kisses my knuckles.

“You can’t get enough of me. What a burden, but, I think I might be able to shoulder it.” I snatch my hand away from him and flick him hard in the middle of the forehead. He whines and holds a hand up to the hurt location.

“You’re the worst. I take back what I asked. I don’t want to see you.”

He smiles and snuggles himself closer to me. His head rests in the crook of my neck and he kisses it playfully making a large shiver go through my entire body. And fuck, the boy just _does_ things to me.

“Well too bad. I’m going to find you at every chance I get because I want to see _you_.”

And as sweet and cute as it is I respond with a deadpan, “I’d prefer it if you not come find me after fucking one of the Gaia in the castle.” Despite the harsh comment he laughs.

“I’ll make sure to keep your jealousy in mind when I come see you.”

I roll my eyes for the nth time since he arrived and stick out my tongue. He’s such an asshole,

But he’s _my_ asshole. 


	29. 27. Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Yourself

With a final promise of “handling Chanyeol”, Luhan left my room. A heavy feeling of emptiness settled over me and I clutched my blankets closer to my chest in an attempt to halfheartedly comfort myself.

It didn’t help.

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day, and luckily no one came in to disturb me outside of one of the humans who has been consistently bring me meals when I don’t leave my room. I wish I could learn their names or something. This one has come in multiple times. He’s been here so often that I’ve almost memorized his face. He’s a small boy. Probably around 16 years old with deep black hair. He still hasn’t said a single word to me, and I’m beginning to wonder if it’s just a rule human boys have to follow.

Maybe I should try to talk to him first.

* * *

The first thing next morning, Chanyeol is nudging me awake with quick shakes. I’m barely awake when he begins to passionately apologize for yesterday.

“Oh good you’re awake,” we both know that I’m not “I didn’t mean to scare you yesterday! I had no idea you were so terrified of fire I swear, and I’ll try not to use it around you again. I just don’t want you to suddenly hate me because of whatever happened to you, and I promise you I’ll never use it to hurt you.” He says with truthful eyes. He’s leaning over me and all I can make out is his bright ass red hair with my blurry morning vision. I groan and rub at my eyes not even fully registering the fact that he’s talking to me. “Also I’m in.”

“In what, Chanyeol?” I ask groggily.

“Whatever it is you’re doing. I want to help in any way that I can with the thing you’re doing…with Kris and Luhan.” He whispers the last part to me, and I hum only half listening at this point. “Whatever it is that you’re doing, I’m in.” he says once more. I nod and begin to pull the covers over my face peeking at him through one squinted eye.

“Okay. Thanks for all of that, but I’m tired and you’re too loud and I want to go back to sleep please.”

“I can’t leave until I know that you’re okay.”

“I’m fine. It’s no big deal really.” Hoping that he’ll hop off my case, I snuggle further into my sheets. I close my eye and fall back into my blanket hoping to find some more time to sleep.

“Hey…hey get up.”

“No.”

“You gotta.”

“Why?”

“You just gotta.” I don’t respond, but that seems to be an insufficient answer to the other. He forcefully shoves me a few times until I whine loud enough to get him to stop. Tossing the blankets away and sending my deadliest glare at the man, I sit up. He only blinks unaffected. “You should eat breakfast; you’ve got a busy day today.”

If I wasn’t such a nonviolent person I would fucking rip his throat out right here and now for disrupting my sleep cycle. I’m exhausted and his deep voice is only making me sleepier.

Fuck breakfast.

Fuck a busy day.

All I want to know is sleep.

I blink hard one time and mentally prepare myself to stay awake since it seems as though the friendly giant here won’t let me do anything otherwise.

“Are you taking me to the Queen’s room?” I stretch my arms above my head and let out a large yawn afterwards.

“No. I’m taking you to get breakfast. You don’t have to change. Come on.” He grabs my hand starts yanking me off the mattress.

“Wait! I don’t have on pants! I can’t go out like this. Let me go!” I pull away and wobble over to my closet to find a pair of sweats for the trip. I rub at my eyes once more while scanning the racks.

It’s weird that I’m not going to see the Queen…but she _has_ been busy preparing for her big party and everything.

I miss seeing her.

I don’t even know why. It’s just…nice to be around another girl who isn’t out to end me. And she’s actually really funny and nice and I’m not even sure when I started looking forward to being around her. It happened so fast that I wasn’t even able to try and fight it.

With a frustrated sigh, I grab a pair of bright red sweats and pull them on before going back to Chanyeol. At least I’ve got him, Sehun, and Jongin around to keep me company.

“So…how did you sleep?” Chanyeol asks with an meaningful grin while walking me down to the kitchen to grab something to eat. I glare at him before bumping him with my shoulder.

“It was fine until you ruined it.”

“I had to apologize.”

“You could have waited.”

“But what fun would that be?”

I sigh in exasperation. Difficult boy. “Where’s Sehun?”

“He’s sleeping in for a bit.” I hum in acknowledgement. He deserves it, he’s been way too diligent as of late, and I’m glad he’s taking the time to get a bit more rest.

We reach the kitchen and there are a bunch of unfamiliar Charmers and humans walking around and in and out of the back door to the larger part of the cooking area. After seeing all of the people, I settle for grabbing a banana off the counter and leaving before even more people enter. Who needs an actual breakfast anyway?

I peel the banana and take a quick bite. On the way to the staircase I turn my head in Chanyeol’s direction. “What did you-”

“There she is!”

“Ms. June!”

 Two women run up to me with smiles on their faces and they bow their head politely once. I feel Chanyeol shift behind me and lower his eyes.

Great.

“Ms. June we’ve been looking for you all morning.” A woman with curly brown hair and wide black eyes says. The taller, black haired woman beside her nods.

“Um, sorry. I just woke up.” I say after swallowing the masticated banana. The taller of the two women speaks up.

“You have to come with us right away. We have to prepare you.”

I give them a confused look. The other laughs and shakes her head softly. “For the party silly. We’ve got a _lot_ to do to you today.” She takes my hand with an unusually strong grip and I drop my banana as I’m led wherever these women are taking me.

Chanyeol follows, but I throw a sad glance behind us.

 _My banana_ …

* * *

“What colors do you like?”

_Rip!_

“Do you prefer long or short dresses?”

_Rip!_

“Do you have any fabric allergies?”

_Rip! Rip! Rip!_

I stand on the podium in the fabric covered room with a frown as each article of my clothing is ripped off my body. I use my hands to desperately try and cover my innocence but I only have 2 hands and 3 parts I’m trying to keep covered.

It wouldn’t be that bad if it was just the women here, but Chanyeol is right in the room and wow this is uncomfortable. I’m embarrassed to be standing butt naked in front of this guy, but the two women pay him no mind. In fact, it seems as though they’ve forgotten he even exists.

But I know he’s here.

And he looks uncomfortable too.

“Um…I- uh I like purple…and uh red and blue.” I say while squirming uncomfortably under their gazes. The curly headed one holds a pad and pencil and the tall black haired woman is walking around me in a circle after having attacked me with questions and shredded my clothing.

“And?”

“I uh I don’t have any allergies I don’t think. I don’t really care what kind of dress it is.” The taller one holds her hands up to form an open rectangle with her fingers and squints at me through the space.

“She’s a spring…or maybe a fall. Go light on the fabric…” she drops her hand and frowns slightly. “Add a corset and a push up brassiere.” The other woman scribbles furiously and then turns the page of the notebook before repeating the process as the taller female continues to rattle off things I don’t understand.

“Can I uh…can I get my clothes back?” I ask quietly. I keep my arm over my chest and my hand over my crotch. This is the worst thing I’ve ever had to stand through. My question falls on deaf ears, and even Chanyeol seems to be avoiding my eyes which isn’t shocking.

“Done!” the woman who was drawing stands up and shows her pad to the other. They nod and mutter back and forth for a bit before the pad is brought in front of me. “I drew 5. Choose your favorite 3.”

The first dress is really long and a dark blue that looks shimmery and form fitting. It’s drawn out so well that it looks like a picture. I could have sworn that she had a regular lead pencil…

I shake my head at the picture. It’s pretty, but I can’t pull off something that tight.

The next is a teal dress that reminds me of something that a princess would wear. It’s shorter than the first but still pretty long. If I wore heels it wouldn’t touch the floor. “I like that one.” I tell them. She rips the page out of the notebook and sets it at my feet. The next dress is a dark purple and is pretty short but it has a lot of material in the skirt making it look full. The top part of it has gems along the neckline and it’s strapless. It’s not bad. “That’s pretty.” She nods and rips it out as well.

The 4th dress is a bright red and looks like leather. It’s even tighter than the first and I’m having trouble breathing just _thinking_ about having to stuff myself into it. I’d look like uncooked dough oozing out of a cancoming out of a can. I shake my head quickly at that one.

“What a shame. I thought you’d look good in that one.” The one who drew observes.

“Last one. I like this one the best.” The tall one says with a grin.

The last dress is a sinful red. It’s not as thick as the other 2 dresses that I chose. The top is tight and the bottom is all flowy and stuff. It’s got small silver designs along the hems. I nod in approval. “I like that one too.”

The artist claps excitedly before she rips it out of the notebook. The notepad is tossed away and the loose papers are picked up from the ground. The tall woman points to the teal dress. “Do this one first.”

“I can’t until you give me her sizes Sakura.”

“Oh you’re right.” Sakura closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath. With her eyes still closed she calls off a few numbers that have no meaning to me. What are those numbers supposed to signify? You can explain a body in numbers? “Did you draw the corset?” Sakura asks the other woman.

“Yes I did.” She scurries over to the discarded notebook and rips out another page before balling it up and tossing it in the air. The paper turns into a skin colored corset right before my eyes. I gasp at the transformation. The one known as Sakura reaches her hand out towards the corset and the waves it in my direction.

I let out an ‘oomph’ as the fabric is suddenly snaking around my torso and tying itself as tight as it can get. Sakura motions towards a wheel of fabric and makes a fist before waving it in my direction again. The black fabric wraps around my legs and up to my waist before settling in the form of underwear.

I feel sufficiently violated, but I have to admit that whatever magic they’re using is really cool.  

The artist balls up the picture of the teal dress and tosses it in the air. At the same moment Sakura waves it in my direction, and as soon as I can blink the fabric is covering my body. It feels smooth and fits like a glove. “Ah you’ve done yet another great job Anna.” Sakura says. I get the chance to say nothing as the dress comes off my body and slides itself neatly onto a hanger near one of the full length mirrors.

They do their combination magic thing for the other 2 dresses and for 2 more corsets.

Finally, they’re satisfied with their work and I’m given a new casual outfit to put on.

“Charmer!” Sakura calls out. Chanyeol moves forward slightly. “Take these to her room.” Without another word, he takes all of the clothes that had molested me and carries them away. “Now, Ms. June please head to the spa for your cleansing treatment.”

Cleansing treatment?

That doesn’t happen to involve food of any kind does it? Because I’m getting hungrier by the second. “Thank you both.” I say to the two Gaia. They smile and wave me away. They weren’t all that bad for a couple of Gaia.

I open the door and enter the hallway. I’m not exactly sure _where_ in the castle I am since I was only half paying attention, but if I can find a staircase I should be alright.

Right?

“Come with me.” I jump at the voice.

With a hand on my chest and a deep exhale I turn in the direction of the sudden voice. “Sehun, where the hell did you come from?”

“I was waiting out here.”

“…for how long?”

“About an hour.”

“Why didn’t you come in?” I ask after crossing my arms over my chest and giving him a questioning look. He frowns with his eyebrows and then looks at the ground beside me.

“I uh, peeked in.”

“Okay but- oh. Oh!” I let out an awkward laugh. He stayed outside because he saw I was naked as a newborn pup. Understandable.

“Come on.” He says again. He holds out his hand, and I’m honestly surprised he’s initiating this, but I take it anyway and let him take me to the spa area I saw that once.

The halls are still bustling with people and more times than not it’s the humans and Charmers doing all of the work. For a split second I see Luhan talking to one of the other Charmers hanging something up. We make eye contact and he smiles secretly before turning away.

And there go the stomach flutters.

I grip Sehun’s hand tighter in my own. God dammit. I only _saw_ him and now I feel like a fucking dog in heat. I frown hard and try to distract myself from my wandering dirty thoughts.

Dirty diapers.

Old saggy nut sacks.

Blood and carnage.

I squeal as I’m suddenly surrounded by women in matching peach colored outfits. I look around desperately for Sehun. Where did he go!? Where am I? I catch sight of him standing along the wall similar to how Chanyeol was back in the fabric room. When the hell did we get into the entrance of the spa? While I’m distracted, my bottoms are pulled down and my shirt is yanked over my head.

And I’m naked once again.

The group of women don’t even say anything as they push me into a separate room with nothing but a tub that looks like it’s filled with thick milk. I stumble in and land on my hands and knees in the middle of the dense warm substance. It smells weird, and reminds me of aged fruit and lotion. I stand up and the liquid flows up and around my body encasing me like I’m a liquid mummy.

It hardens and I find that I can no longer move. The group of women stand around me like watchful birds, and they aren’t moving, but the amount of concentration on their faces show that this is their doing. A single piece of the hardened shell peels off my arm in a quick movement and causes me to let out a short scream.

That fucking hurt!

My shout doesn’t faze any of them. The shell continues to rip itself off me and I wince each time; it feels like my skin is being ripped off piece by piece. Can they at least _try_ to be gentle with me? As the final part comes off my hip I let out a deep breath that I had been holding. What the fuck is going on; I feel like every part of my body is sensitive now.

Except for my face.

Each of my arms are grabbed and I let out a soft “ouch” at the contact. They guide me to what looks like a shower space. One of the women steps forward and raises both of her hands, a second later what looks like tinted water comes out of the drain. Like the milk fluid, the water covers me in a light liquid film. It’s cool and is working wonders to soothe the agitated and burning flesh.

Once it leaves, I feel as though I’ve just been given a new body. I lift my arm to see that it’s glowing and is utterly hairless. Shocked, I look down and see that I’m _entirely_ hairless.

What happened to my protective fur coat!

A towel is shoved in my face, and I take it gratefully. Once it’s wrapped around me, I’m led to a large chair by a basin. I sit, and almost immediately my head is assaulted by different hair products. I grunt as hands scratch at my scalp and try to detangle all of the damaged strands of my hair. Another woman appears in front of me and starts to put a white cream similar to the tub on my face.

While it hardens, my head is yanked back and rinsed clean of the products. The cream peels off, and it hurts even more than when it was on my body. I squirm uncomfortably and a particularly strong Gaia holds me down by the shoulders. I try to stop my fighting, but the attack on my hair and face continues.

After what feels like days, I’m allowed to leave the chair. Now with a glowing face and -after a glance in a mirror- healthy hair. I play with the ends of one lock and am shocked at how soft it feels.

“You can get dressed now ma’am. We’re done.” I face the group of women who silently assaulted me, and nod slightly. The lack of emotion on their faces is disturbing. I want to get out of here quickly. I’m handed my stack of clothes, and shamelessly change in front of the women.

They’ve seen it all already. What does it matter now?

Once dressed, I realize just how…stressed I feel all of the sudden. After being assaulted by various fabrics and hands I’m feeling extremely punchy. I just want to find Sehun and go back to my room. It goes against everything I learned in the 3rd ring to let myself be manhandled the way that I was today, and now it feels as though my body is angry at me for letting it happened. I feel pissed at _myself._ Leaving the back room I take in a breath and unclench my fists. I just need to go back to my room so I can punch something or scream into a pillow.

Walking back to the main entrance of the spa, I don’t see Sehun. _Where the hell does this guy keep disappearing to_.

I turn in a half circle only to find him right behind me. “Oh my god, why do you keep doing that?!” I ask with a huff. He only offers a small smile before placing a hand on my back and guiding me out of the room.

“I’ll take you back to your room, but I have to go for a moment. Chanyeol and I got called to help with something. We’ll be right back as soon as we’re done.” He says as we walk up the first staircase. I grunt in response and lean in to him.

He stumbles to the side briefly, but he quickly finds his balance and allows me to use his body to keep myself standing. “Come on you big baby.” He whispers as we reach my door.

“Thanks.” I mutter.

“We’ll-”

“Be right back. Got it. Now go and hurry back.” I say with a wave of my hand. He nods shortly before rushing out of the room. I trudge to the bed and lie flat on my back. It feels so much nicer now that I’m as hairless as a newborn baby.

I’m exhausted and angry.

And slightly sexually frustrated.

I don’t know what it is about being in the same vicinity as Luhan that has me feeling like this, but I don’t like it. Not only am I not around him as much as I feel like I need to be, but my body reacts on its own when he _is_ around.

What the fuck is happening to me?

I grab one of the numerous pillows from the bed and press it to my face as hard as I can so that I can muffle my noises. I let out a loud and incoherent shout of syllables.

What am I going to do with myself? I need some kind of release…

_You could always masturbate._

I swing the pillow away from my face. The thought is appealing. I haven’t actually touched myself in months. Self-service is important, and it always takes the edge off.

And…I’ve just been waxed to hell so I wonder what it would feel like now. I contemplate the idea and run through feeling embarrassment and need back and forth a few times before deciding _fuck it_. It’s my body, and my room, and if I want to get myself off then I should be allowed to do that.

Before I can have doubts again, I wriggle out of my pants and underwear. I toss them onto the ground and hike a bunch of pillows behind me so that I can sit up. Half exposed and alone, I close my eyes and try to channel the frustration I was feeling around Luhan. If I can pull that back to the surface, then I can do this so much easier.

I take my bottom lip between my teeth and run a hand under my shirt to play with my nipple. It hardens quickly and I roll it between my fingers a few times before turning my attention to the other. I can feel the dull throbbing from below, and as much as I want to wait until I’m wetter I also want to get this out of the way.

Sliding a hand across my own folds, I let out a soft sigh and let my head fall back further onto the pillows. “Fuck…”

I groan out at the tingling spreading through my body coming from both my breast and clit at the stimulation from my own hands. Eyes still closed, I languidly let my fingers wander around the areas of my body I’ve become so familiar with. Another whine slips passed my lips.

“Um…” I gasp and open my eyes at the sound that isn’t my own. I come face to face with Jongin who is looking flushed and awkward with wide eyes in front of my bed. I squeal and quickly wrap myself in my sheets to cover my naked lower half.

“Jongin what the fuck?!”

“I…I um thought you were hurt?” he says as if he is no longer sure of his reason for being here. I clutch the blankets tighter in my hands. “I came in and it sounded…I thought you were…erm…” he shakes his head as if he’s in a daze.

“Have you never heard or seen a girl masturbate before?” I ask rougher than intended. His cheeks turn a darker shade of pink and I sigh after remembering the conversation we had when I caught him watching me sleep. He hasn’t masturbated before himself, so maybe I shouldn’t be shocked he hasn’t seen it either. I can’t help the slight agitation at having been interrupted and _caught_ in the middle of this, but I don’t want to take it out on him.

I know he meant well…and I can’t possibly be angry at him when he looks so shy and apologetic all of the sudden. I sigh once more and look at him seriously. “Unless you plan on helping, you can leave.” My voice is hard, and really I’m getting more antsy as time passes. I’m just a girl trying to chase her orgasm,  and I’m embarrassed as shit having been caught like this by _Jongin_ no less.

A few second pass of mutual silence before he brings both of his hands up to cover his face. Okay, so looks like I can get back to it soon. He peeks through his fingers and I watch him hesitate before asking his next question. “C-Can I watch?”

My mouth drops open. “You…you want to watch me…touch myself?” I ask as if I didn’t clearly understand the question when I did. He hides back behind his hands so that he can’t see my face, and he nods so quick and small that it’s nearly unnoticeable.

I close my mouth and furrow my eyebrows. Is he serious? I mean…I’ve never been one for being watched, but it seems exciting since it would be _Jongin_ watching.

God, does this make me a pervert?

“Okay.” I whisper. He lowers his hands slightly and his shoulders relax. “You can watch, _but_ …” I let out a breath, I can’t believe I’m even suggesting this. “…I’m not doing it alone.” That confused face that he almost always has appears and he drops his hands entirely. I huff and crawl from out of my own covers ignoring my partial nudity for the moment. I’ve stripped naked so much today, I don’t know why I should even care anymore. I walk over to him and push him to the edge of my bed before I crawl back on myself.

“Pull your pants down.” I instruct. He does so without hesitation, and I blink flabbergasted. He obviously doesn’t seem all that shy about his body, and I guess I should have known that since all of the Charmers here are used to doing…you know. Once his boxers and pants are gone he starts crawling forward as if he’s about to get right to fucking me. “Hold up buddy.” I say with a chuckle. I hold my hand out and press his clothed chest back. “This is about you. Touch _yourself_.” I tell him.

His cheeks and ears flame again and I can see the regret on his face. “I don’t know if-”

“Look here. I’m still horny as fuck, and you already agreed.” I get on my knees in front him and grab his hand. “I’ll help you. Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” I say softly. His chest is rising shallowly and I don’t know if he’s scared or excited, but with the half boner he’s got going I know he’s at least _kind of_ turned on right now. I guide his hand to his dick and wrap my fingers around his so that he has a hold of it. I look at his face and it looks as though he’s holding his breath.

Such an innocent cupcake.

I can’t believe I’m ruining him like this.

I keep my hand over his and stroke his length a few times until it’s fully hard. “See, this is all you really have to do. Just…touch it in whatever ways feel good to _you_.”

“But…wh-what,” he stops his movements so that he can kind of think clearly “, what if I want… _you_ to touch me instead?” the question is legitimate enough and he sounds genuinely curious, but I find it making me both more embarrassed and simultaneously more turned on hearing that coming from his mouth. I don’t know if he realizes how that sounds, or if he intended to say it, but geez I didn’t expect this to happen.

I swallow the saliva in my mouth and look down at the covers on the bed. “Then um…well you pretend that I am.” I mutter. He nods innocently and I begin to wonder how many times I would have to bang my head into the wall to forget that this is happening. I shake my head disappointed in myself, but I scoot back to my mountain of pillows and look back him.

The blush on his face is still _clearly_ there and I know he’s still shy about this whole thing, so to make this less unbearable for both of us, I shamelessly spread my legs in front of him. “It’s fine. Just focus on making yourself come.” I tell him. I prop myself back up on the pillows and return to leisurely stroking my clit.

I should probably go slow, so that I don’t finish before him. I close my eyes to save some of my dignity and push a finger in and out a few times before adding a second and letting out a slew of moans and quiet curses. Not long after, I can hear Jongin moaning to himself. I cock an eye open and to see him stroking his cock at the same pace that my own fingers are entering me. His eyes half lidded and focused on the where the lewd squelching that I’m producing is coming from.

I bring my other hand to my play with my nipple again and speed up the thrusting of my fingers. His hand speeds up as well. The room is filled with the wet noises from our bodies and our respective noises of pleasure. His whines pick up in frequency and volume and I roll my hips against my hand as a particularly deep groan of his takes me over the edge. I screw both of my eyes shut as the heat in my belly explodes and I come around my fingers whimpering out Jongin’s name.

Well there goes not finishing before him.

Luckily, he releases into his own hand not long after muttering out, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” I have to fight hard not to smile at his sudden potty mouth. This is literally the first time I’ve ever heard him curse. I don’t know how to feel about it being while watching him masturbate for the first time…and having him watch me…

We both sit there with rising chests in silence. “Wow.” He says after a while. I smile goofily.

“I know right. And you can do it whenever you want too.” I know I shouldn’t feel so proud, but I just taught the kid how to masturbate and if that doesn’t deserve a pat on the back then I don’t know what does. I look at my hand and stick my tongue out in disgust before wiping off the…stuff in my bed.

Gross.

When I look back at Jongin, he’s giving me an odd look. I tilt my head and he flushes again before looking down at the sheets in front of him. “Sorry for making a mess in your bed.”

I shrug. “Eh. It’s no biggie. They’ll get washed.” I frown at the glistening spot in the covers from where I wiped my hand. It’s a good thing this bed is so big. I won’t have to sleep in this spot.

“Can I kiss you?” my eyes snap from the soiled spot and to the boy who just asked me that question out of nowhere. Can he kiss me? Well I mean first off, _duh_. I’ve wanted to kiss his pouty mouth since like day 2. And second off, _duh_. I blink at the question and then find the energy to nod at him, eyes not leaving his.

It’s so weird seeing him so blushy and shy and flustered after seeing what he was capable of as _Kai_. I have to admit that this version of him is probably my favorite.  He crawls over and looks hard at my lips as if wondering if he’s really allowed to. “It’s fine you know.” I console him. At my encouragement he carefully presses his lips to mine.

Just as I’d thought, they’re soft and fucking intoxicating. He deepens it, and continues to move his mouth against my own, slowly and deeply. He leans over my body and I just let myself enjoy the feeling of his mouth on mine. It’s way different from when Luhan kisses me.

With him it’s clashing and fighting and _sexy_.

But this, this is soft, and careful and _loving_ and just like my last intimate moment I had with Luhan I feel a burden of emotion being placed on me. I don’t know what they’re feeling, and I don’t think I want to. Even though I’m beginning to feel dread in the pit of my stomach of what this might mean for the future, I let Jongin keep kissing me. And I kiss him back. I can feel that familiar feeling of the elastic string tightening and strengthening and it scares the _shit_ out of me.

This can’t be a good thing.

                                                         

* * *

I let Jongin shower in my bathroom while I put my bottoms back on. Since the rooms are so big, I can’t hear the shower water, and it almost feels as though I’m in here alone. I bite the inside of my cheek as I search through my feelings.

So…that makes two that I’ve fucked around with and potentially ruined their lives.

When will I stop?

I don’t want to hurt either of them, and I know neither of them would really care that I’ve fooled around with the other since this is what is expected of me as a woman. A woman in the castle no less. It’d be weirder if I _didn’t_ do this honestly.

And yet I still feel guilty for my behavior. I know they probably _like_ me…but it’s not like I can do anything about it. We’re all in a fucked little bubble of secrets and feelings have no place here.

At least that’s what I’m trying to convince myself.

He comes out of the bathroom fully dressed and with a light pink dusting his tanned cheeks again. “I should uh, I’m gonna-”

I chuckle. “Go ahead and leave Nini.”

He tilts his head at the name and I groan at having slipped and called him such a stupid nickname. “Nini?” he asks.

“Yeah cause like…Jonginnie…Nini. I don’t know.” He smiles so widely and I groan in embarrassment. “Shut up don’t say _anything-_ ”

“That’s so cute~” he rushes over and pulls me to him in a bone crushing hug. I cough in pain while he continues to squeal at the dumb little name I said. “Keep calling me that.”

“I’m never saying it again.”

“Please~”

“Nope. I’d rather die.”

“Please. Come on just one more time. I like the way you say it.”

“Alright time to go. Bye Jongin.” I start to push and shove him towards my door while he tries to get me to use the name once more.

“But it’s-”

“I said GOOD BYE JONGIN.” I pull the door open and slam it on him. As soon as it’s shut I pray that he won’t ‘poof’ in here. He can be an idiot sometimes too and I think he forgets that he can even teleport in the first place. When a minute or so passes and he isn’t back in here I sigh in relief.

Fucking Jongin.

I walk over to my bed and flop back on a spot away from where I was previously. I wonder when someone is going to come in and wash these…I should also probably wash my hands.

Later.

For now, I just want to lie down and relax. I spent all day being molested by cloth and then by spa women and I’m spent. I think I could lie here and sleep for like 4 days. I’m so tired I’m not even that hungry anymore.

But of course my life wasn’t made to go the way that I planned.

3 loud knocks at my door and I know that my temporary peace is gone. I should have seen it coming though. It’s been around an hour since Sehun left and he said they’d be back as soon as they were done.

“IT’S OPEN!” I shout. The door creaks open, and as expected Chanyeol and Sehun come walking in. I sit up and Chanyeol comes over to sit on the bed but I throw my entire body towards him as hard as I can making myself fall on the floor in the process.

He almost sat in _the spot_.

I push myself up with a groan and the two boys look at me with worried expressions. “I’m fine. Just…don’t sit on the bed.” I point to the couches by the book shelf. “We can sit there.” I roll on to my back while the two wander away.

That was close.

Not smooth.

But close.

I jump to my feet and take quick steps to the couches, taking the seat beside Sehun.

“You look less…awful.” Sehun observes.

“Yeah,” Chanyeol agrees. “You don’t look as…”

“Naked as before. Yeah. Cuz I have on clothes.”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “No, I mean you don’t seem as angry.”

“I wasn’t angry…just aggravated.” I admit. “I just don’t get why getting _me_ ready was such a big deal. Like…is all of this really that important?”

Sehun looks at me with wide eyes. “Is it really that important? Of course it is! This is the biggest event in the castle…maybe even the _world_ at this time of year. It’s a city wide event even though it’s mainly held in the castle. All kind of things happen.”

“Like what?”

“Like…these little girls come in and try to impress the Queen with their magic, and there are performances and stuff. People sing. I’m going to dance. There’s dancing from early morning ‘til like 3 days from now. It’s a big deal.” Sehun says animatedly.

He’s going to dance? “Are you nervous?”

“Yes.” He says without hesitation. “I don’t want to mess up and be sent away.”

I squeeze his shoulder to reassure him. “You’ll do great I’m sure.” He’s going to be dancing, and I believe in him whole heartedly. Even if he does mess up, I’ll be right there to save him. “If you’re going to be dancing…does that mean you’ll be busy during the whole party?”

He nods and I whine is displeasure. “I have to dance at every event.”

I look at Chanyeol. “Are you going to leave me too?”

“Nope. I’m here to protect you until you tell me not too.” He smiles wide and I relax. I’m gonna be honest, I’m already afraid to be around all of the Gaia who will be there. Even with the Queen on my side, I’m still an easy target. I’m sure it’s not _that_ hard to kill me without touching me or leaving evidence behind.

I’m a sitting duck without Chanyeol.

“Ms. June.” The three of us jump in our spots at the unknown voice. At the door stands the Queen’s Charmer who had been coming to get me in the mornings. I could have sworn that I learned his name by now, and yet it’s failing to come to mind. I really like his head shape. His dark skin and bald head along with his copious muscle mass is really attractive. It’s no shock that he’s the Queen’s favorite. “Your Highness would like to see you.” He says expressionless. I nod at him and look at the two skinnier guys around me.

“You guys go ahead and call it a night. I’ll be fine from here.” I pop up from my seat and leave my room -with them still in it- with more enthusiasm than I should probably have, but it’s been like _days_ since I last saw her.

I’m left at her door, and enter without knocking. I walk in and close the door softly. “Solar?” I call out into the emptiness. Her bed is unmade, and I’m beginning to wonder if she stepped out for a bit. “Solar, it’s me.” I say quieter this time. I scan the room and walk towards the bed since it’s the spot I’m most comfortable with waiting at.

“Boo!”

“Ah!”

“Hahah!!” Solar clutches her sides and laughs loudly, still shrouded in the blankets she had been hiding under. I can’t believe she just jump scared me from her own bed!

“That’s not funny!” I say with a pout. She laughs harder and falls backwards on her bed. I huff and climb up and sit down in front of her while she squeaks out laughter. I smile softly and watch her as she turns pink.

“You- You should have seen…hah your _face_.” She rolls around in the blankets and I start to laugh with her. Not because it was funny, but because her laugh is just so _addictive_ and strange that I feel out of place not laughing with her.

Her hair is tied up in a bun, and her face is free of any makeup and she just looks so fresh and relaxed even though I know it’s been a busy time for her. She still looks great as always.

She pushes herself up and gathers me in her arms to hug me closely. “I missed you, my baby.” She says affectionately. She places a quick kiss to my hairline and then pulls away to look at me. “You seem different.”

“I got fitted in dresses and waxed all to hell.” I say with an unintentional edge to my voice. She laughs and runs a hand down my arm.

“That must be it. You got the treatment done today. I wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon; I’d have made more sense to do it the day before the party…but maybe they wanted to make sure you didn’t have any reactions to the fabrics and products.” Her hand drifts to my hair and twirls a thick lock around her finger. “Soft.” She says distractedly.

“Yeah well they weren’t that soft with me.” I mutter. She freezes and gives me a hard look.

“Did they hurt you?”

“No, no…it just…it was just kind of rough.” I say with a frown, thinking about the wordless way they stripped me of my body hair and did my hair. Her eyes flash angrily and I take her hand that was in my hair in my hands. “It’s nothing to worry about. They did a good job.” I give her a smile hoping that she won’t punish any of the women in the spa just because I didn’t enjoy being jerked around.

She searches my face still with a deep frown, before she nods shortly. “Okay. But if they actually did hurt you I want names or descriptions so that I can show them what happens when they hurt what I treasure most.” Her other hand goes to the nape of my neck and jerks me forward slightly so that our foreheads are nearly touching. “You got it?”

“Mhm.” I hum fearfully. She blinks and her eyes clear and go back to the joy filled irises I’m used to seeing; she lets me go.

“Good.” She leans back on her hands and wraps her bare legs around my waist. “Now…did you get your welcome gift?”

“Welcome gift?”

Her expression turns sly. “You know…” she gives me a creepy smile and I frown in confusion. She rolls her eyes and starts to beam. “Don’t pretend. Luhan…did you…” she wriggles her eyebrows and clicks her tongue.

Oh God.

I cover my face with my hands and nod bashfully. Her squeal is loud and high pitched and she starts to shake me by my shoulders. “You dirty little girl!”

“Solar…” I whine embarrassed. She slaps my shoulder with a pleased grin.

“Don’t act all shy. I thought you were a prude for sure, and you went and fucked one of my favorite Charmers with like _no_ urging. I’m so _proud_.” She says squeezing my cheeks with both of her hands.  “He’s only ever here these days for my big parties. He doesn’t live here anymore which is a pity, but he served his purpose well and with little to no complaints, so I let him move out. He was a good boy…” her sentence drifts off a bit before she smiles fully again. “But he’s even better at festivities. The ladies get riled up easily at these kinds of parties and he’s _very_ good at his job.”

_I know._

Trying to pull the conversation away from Luhan before I get even more uncomfortable with the whole situation, I ask about the party. “What am I going to be doing at your party…or I mean what am I supposed to do at the party?”

“Nothing much. Most of my guests will be drunk by noon and in and out of the rental rooms with their and my rented out Charmers.” _Great._ “All you have to do is be by my side for major events and then you can go and enjoy yourself as you want.”

Seems easy enough.

“But what will you be doing?”

She rolls her eyes. “A bunch of formal bullshit. I have to meet with different advisors and play hostess. It’s going to be so boring, but it’s got its fun parts. The parts that you’ll join me for are going to be great.” She says with a knowing smile. “But…back to the important stuff…aka Luhan.”

I groan and squirm in my spot. She laughs and her legs tighten around me. I feel like a dumb schoolgirl with a crush right now, and it doesn’t help that I’m not even innocent _today_ because of what happened with Jongin not even 2 hours ago. “Solar, I’m really not comfortable talking about this with you. Can we not?”

“Okay, okay.” She laughs. There is silence and I try to force my face to cool, but the harder I think about it, the worse it feels. I glance up and catch her eyes. She starts smirking. “He dicked you down real good though, didn’t he?”

“Solar!” I grab the nearest pillow and smash it to my face.

“How long did you last? My best was like 10 minutes.” I will myself to vanish right on the spot as her teasing persists.

Can I just…disappear?

Please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS MARKS THE BEGINNING OF MY REGULAR UPDATES. I will post on weekends most likely:))


	30. 28. The Birthday Party Pt I

The date of the party’s kickoff approaches so quickly that I feel as though I was waxed to hell just yesterday, even though it was a good few days ago. I went to bed last night feeling really nervous as to what to expect.

Anything can happen at big parties like this.

And to my luck, the day starts off just as unexpected…as I expected.

It’s the break of dawn and I’m being shaken like a god damn maraca in my bed by 4 hands too rough to be considered a gentle wake up call. Still half asleep I throw my fist out hoping to hit one of the assailants straight in the jaw. I sit up with a start and open one sleep encrusted eye to see Sehun laughing boisterously and Chanyeol protecting his face with his arms. I put my fist down and open my other eye so that I can glare at them effectively.

It’s basically fucking 2 am.

All of the lights in my room are on.

I’m not happy about _any_ of this right now, and their light smiles are making me even more aggravated. “What the fuck do you two want?” I ask hoarsely.

“The party starts today.” Chanyeol says with a lift to his voice.  I yawn ugly.

“Okay, so what? Why do you two seem so damn excited about it?”

Chanyeol answers first again. “Because I get to spend the entirety of the next 3 days with you.” His cheeky comment makes my stomach turn, and since it’s so early and I’m out of it I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing. Who does he think he is to be flirty so early in the shitting morning?

I bite back with “Don’t you both do that anyway?” they’re always with me. Literally. I can’t catch a break.

He shrugs. “No. You aren’t usually afraid of everyone, and now you’re going to actually _need_ me.”

“Who says I’m going to be scared.” I snap.

“You will be.” Sehun finally chimes in. I smack my lips in agitation and wave my hand in a dismissing motion.

“Whatever. Go away. I want to sleep until the very last minute. Goodnight.” I pull the covers back over my and settle in, until Sehun takes it upon himself to start shaking me again.

“You have to get up. They’re going to come into your room at any minute now.”

I don’t move when I respond. “What are you talking about?” I mumble. Sharping knocking at my door forces me up with another jolt. Chanyeol smiles fully again.

“Time to get ready for the party, princess.”

My room is invaded by a small army of Gaia and as soon as they break through the door, my Charmers retreat to the side of my bed giving them enough room to pull me up. Already knowing where this is headed, I don’t fight back at all.

I’m pulled to the bathroom and stripped of my clothing. My huge swimming pool sized tub is filled to the brim. I’m guided into the basin, and I lower myself into the lukewarm water slowly. It’s extremely fragrant.

“This water has been infused with oils and products that will lower your exhaustion levels for the day, and also prevent sweating.” One of the women tells me when she sees me holding a handful of it to my nose.

A wave of water flows over my head, and I gasp loudly. The women begin to physically scrub and bathe me. I’m still too tired to do or say anything besides just letting them do what they came here for. I catch Chanyeol and Sehun near the vanity with small smirks on their faces.

Little shits.

They’re enjoying their selves.

A hand is held out in front of me and I take it gladly and pull myself up out of the water.

“You!” Another woman motions to Sehun and tilts her head in my direction. He holds both of his hands out and a huge gust of wind blows all the water off of me in one go. I stumble back at the force and close my eyes while he air dries my body. A towel is wrapped around me while my eyes are still closed.

I open them as I’m pushed to the vanity chair and sat down. I sigh and close my eyes again so that they can do what they want. I don’t want to see it. They push and pull at my face and head as they style my newly regenerated hair and make up my emotionless face.

“Which dress is she wearing?”

“Do her makeup to match the teal one. It’s classy and fits the first day atmosphere.”

“The Queen will wear grey today, and that will go beautifully with hers.”

“Open your eyes sweetheart, I need to do your eye makeup.”

“Up or down?”

“Down. The Queen’s will be up. Curl the ends lightly and make sure to put on the tiara that Your Majesty gave us for her.”

I open my eyes so that the woman can do my eye makeup and I watch in the reflection of the mirror as a small silver tiara is clipped to the crown of my head. I pucker my now bright pink lips.

I don’t look awful.

Shocking.

Next I’m moved to my large closet where my dress and a pair of heels are lying out on one of the chaises. I drop my towel before they can grab it, and let the feeling of fabric wrap around me magically. Lacy black underwear and a black corset that is tight enough to crack a rib. It tightens around me and then loosens slightly. My tits are pushed up and look impossibly perky, and if I tilt my head down I can touch them with my chin, easily.

They all help me into the teal dress and I realize that the lack of sleeves might be an issue, but they tighten it and my fear of it falling vanishes.

Getting out of this is going to be a _bitch_.

I turn slightly, and the full skirt swishes around me. Both of my hands are held as they help me into the nude colored pumps. I grow 5 inches. I stare at my reflection in one of the full body mirrors and nod in appreciation.

I actually look like a princess or something. Who would have ever thought I would end up like this? I hold one of my hands out to look at my short and light pink nails.

From rags to riches as fuck.

The Queen’s favorite Charmer enters the crowded closet and bows before all of the women without looking up from the ground. “Your Majesty requests your presence at the first floor when you are done.” I open my mouth to respond, but one of the Gaia wave him off dismissively. I close my mouth and sigh through my nose in agitation. There was no reason to be so rude.

Once he is gone, they all flit around me doing last minute things. Fixing out the skirt of the dress. Brushing at stray hairs. Clipping on earrings and putting necklaces and bracelets on me. I start to fidget and swat them away from me.

“I’m finished and would like a few moments to myself!” I shout. They all stop. “Leave.” I say as commanding as I can. They look shocked at the sudden authority in my voice and most of them appear to be in disbelief. I clear my throat nervously. “Thank you.” I mutter. They begin to file out after bowing their heads. I see annoyance on some faces and pride on others.

Once all of the women are gone, I collapse on the couch and press a finger to my temple. “Sehun! Chanyeol!” I call out. The two peek into the closet and walk in slowly. “Close the door please.”

The three of us are alone in the closet and I remember the smug smiles on their faces while I was woman-handled. I look up at them with a deathly glare. “You both are so dead later on.” I growl out.

Chanyeol lets out an annoying laugh and leans on his knees for support and Sehun start to do a mix between screaming and laughing and I click my tongue at them. Shitheads.

I sigh and stand up, not even that angry anymore after listening to them laugh so freely. “What’s so funny, huh?” I ask seriously.

“You just look so cute, but you’re so mad. It’s funny.” Chanyeol says.

I frown and shift my weight nervously. “Cute? I’m not cute.” I mumble. Chanyeol walks over and squeezes my made up cheeks.

“You’re right, you’re not cute. You’re adorable.”

I shake his hands off. “Who told you that you could touch me, huh? Keep your hands to yourself, Red Fern.” Chanyeol furrows his eyebrows confused and I look at Sehun -who is just watching our interaction- silently asking him ‘is he serious?’. I roll my eyes at Chanyeol. “It’s a tree, you big red haired idiot.”

He makes cooing noises and I swat at him weakly. “Sehun, help me.” I whine desperately. He blinks and turns away but grabs Chanyeol’s wrist in his.

“Come on, we have to take you to the Queen.” He mutters shyly. I grin and wiggle my toes in my shoes before following behind them. Sehun is such a fluff. He keeps trying to look like an asshole but he’s actually so caring and silly it’s adorable.

Sehun my secret little fluff.

They fall behind me as we descend down the staircases, and I feel regal in this ball gown with the two men behind me. Both of them are wearing simple dress pants and shirts, but they look great. It even looks like they’re wearing more makeup than usual.

Cute.

We descend the last set of stairs, and like my first day here, the front doors are wide open and the bright natural light filters in and bounces off the pretty reflective floor. Solar stands in front of the door in a thick light grey dress with her large jeweled crown atop her head talking to another woman.

My shoes click as I make my way over to the pair. The other Gaia turns and sees me first, and I immediately recognize her face. The blonde hair and cold blue eyes of the woman who oversaw the choosing. Solar’s happy gasp shakes me out of my thoughts. I look away from the other woman’s blank face and speed up my steps towards Solar. She motions towards me joyously.

“You look gorgeous baby.” She says. “I can’t believe you look so stunning.”

I feel the heat in my face at the compliment. “Thanks Solar.” I say softly. The other woman ‘tsks’ loudly.

“You let her address you out of turn?” she asks Solar. Solar hits her arm softly.

“Lighten up Amanda.” Solar turns to me with her bright smile. “June, this is Amanda. She’s over all the Kingdom’s military and protective measures.” I bow to the woman I’ve already met. Her occupation fits. She’s a cold blooded killer. That much is obvious. I make a mental note to not be caught alone in a room with the dangerous woman.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you again, Madam.” I say politely. She ‘tsks’ again and faces Solar, totally brushing me off. I feel embarrassed at the cold shoulder I received.

“I’ll be in the grand ballroom awaiting the first of your guests.” She says monotonously. I watch her walk away with narrowed eyes. What’s up her ass?

“Why did you need me so early in the day?” I ask Solar once I have glared a big enough hole in Amanda’s back.

“Ah, yes.” She claps her hands and I see some of the Charmers and Gaia milling around look our way. “We are going to be greeting people for a good few hours. I needed you here before the guests so that we can greet all of the women who show up, personally.” I look outside to see that a long carpet has been rolled out for the guests. “We will give them event lists, and then they will be shown around the areas of the castle that are open for party goers. After that, they will be escorted back to their rental residencies off the castle property.”

I nod attentively. Makes sense. All seems easy enough. Greet people. I can do that. “Can Chanyeol and Sehun stay with me?” I ask her. She glances at them before giving me a look.

“You’ve grown quite attached to you Charmers haven’t you?” she asks.

“I have. They’re the only friends I have here outside of you.” I admit. She turns back to them and pats both of their shoulders. I see them both flinch at the sudden contact, but she pays it no mind. “You’ve both done wonderful jobs of keeping my baby happy, and for that your services will be rewarded.” I smile at the praise given to the boys, and they each turn a bit pink. I’m glad that she can see how much they mean to me.

* * *

 

“She’s so cute where did you get her?”

“She’s so _precious_.”

“It’s so hard to find such a model human, you really lucked out your Highness.”

I smile and bow to the women who come in to meet the Queen. Their comments about my behavior are both appreciated and hated. They keep discussing me like a prized puppy, and I’m surprisingly not _that_ mad. I’ve come to terms with the fact that some Gaia see me as just that.

A pet.

And I’m the Queen’s pet. I have to behave politely even if their view of me makes me want to start throwing punches.

While some women gushed over me in front of the Queen, others would only give me a sideways glance and say nothing to acknowledge me as they talked to Solar. I didn’t like those women. Regardless, Solar would find some way to bring me in to the conversation and brag about me as if I was her very own child. I would nod and smile shyly at the raining compliments coming from her mouth.

She’s so proud of me.

And I don’t have the slightest clue why. I haven’t done anything besides…exist.

But maybe that’s all she needs me to do.

The guests that rolled in felt endless and I would greet them with a smile as my Charmers stood silently behind me. Groups of Gaia were bustling around. Touring the castle and being ushered around, and Charmers attended to any miscellaneous needs and requests.

By 8 o’clock I was starving. I knew that Solar and Sehun and Chanyeol had to be too. They were here just as long as I was. My stomach growls loudly and I press the palms of my hand to my tummy to soothe it.

Solar turns to face me surprised at the monstrous sound that came from my body. She squeezes one of my cheeks. “I’ll send some food to your room. Go ahead and rest for the night. The real party doesn’t begin until tomorrow.” She pats my bottom and I hug her quickly before grabbing the wrists of Chanyeol and Sehun and dragging them right up to my room. Making sure my door is closed behind me, I sit at the table near the door still fully dressed and slouch ungracefully.

“I never knew talking could be so energy consuming.” I look at Chanyeol and shake my head in disbelief. “How do you keep your big mouth running all day without passing out?”

“Yah, I haven’t said a single thing at all today. Why are you attacking me like this?” Chanyeol calls out angrily. I grin at the reaction and relax into the couch. Sehun settles beside me and Chanyeol takes the seat across with a frown and crossed arms.

A soft knock the door alerts us all, and I shout for them to come in.

Big eyes peek in, and then the rest of Minseok appears. He holds a tray full of food, and I feel my saliva increasing at the sight and smell. “Minseok!” I call out to the chef and he grins and bows his head before making his way over to our table. The last few days, I’ve been trying to get to know the cook better. The day that he yelled at me, I thought that I’d fucked up, but I learned girls just aren’t allowed in the kitchen.

Liability reasons.

If I get hurt, one of his employees could suffer severe punishment.

So, I’ve stayed in front of the counter and spent a good amount of time trying to talk to him when I can catch him alone in the kitchen. I think we’ve gotten closer, but I don’t think he considers me a friend yet. Maybe an acquaintance. We’re friendly enough now to chat without the formalities though, and that’s enough for me.

For now.

“You look exhausted.” He observes.

“I am.” I complain. “And starving. All I’ve done since like 8 this morning is say ‘Hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you I’m June’ and bow fucking 4 billion times. I’m legit ready to die.” He chuckles and settles the food on the table. I grab a stuffed bun and bite into it unsophisticatedly. “How’s it in the kitchen?” I ask around the food in my mouth.

He sighs. “Busy, but luckily staff has been upped for the festivities. It’s just managing everyone that’s stressful.”

“Have you been mistaken as a new kid yet, you know since you’re so small?” Chanyeol chimes in. Minseok smack the shit out of the back of his head and Chanyeol groans in pain. I laugh loudly in turn.

“I’ll _will_ call Kyungsoo up here. You know he’s been interested in knifes lately. I’d gladly let him test them out on you.” The threat shuts Chanyeol up. Minseok’s unpleased expression vanishes once he faces Sehun and I, he shakes his head and turns to leave the room. “Eat well. I’ll send someone up to get your dishes.” He says.

“Okay, thanks Minnie.” I say happily. His steps hitch and I mentally smack myself again. Why the _fuck_ do I keep letting these nicknames slip? He continues walking but throws a wave over his shoulder as he exits.

The 3 of us dig in to the food hungrily, and I almost have to physically fight them for the last dumpling in the bowl. Full and ready to go to bed, I stand up and kick off my shoes. Dropping back down to my natural height is weird, but my feet welcome the relief. I trudge to the closet and shut the door slightly before attempting to get out of the dress.

I reach around to my back and try to untie the laces, but it seems as though it’s gotten into a knot and my pulls are just making it tighter. “Great…” I mutter. I huff and look at the ceiling in despair. I don’t want to call them, but I need them. “Guys!”

They rush in and I hold my arms out to the side to show that I’m stuck.

“Need help?” Sehun asks. I nod pathetically and let them walk over to try and figure out how to rescue me.

“There should be a string in the back that loosens it.” I advise. Chanyeol goes to my back and Sehun looks over my shoulder.

“You really fucked this string up.”

“Wow thanks captain obvious. Just help me _out_.”

20 minutes pass with no progress. None of us can figure out how to get it off without ripping the fabric. Chanyeol places his hands on his hips and huffs in front of me. “I should just burn it off.” he grumbles. My eyes widen and his do in response. “I’m kidding! Kidding. I won’t burn anything. I promise.” He says with a reassuring grin. I let out a relieved breath and glance at Sehun who is staring intently at my chest. I cover myself with my hands.

“What are you doing!?” I ask in horror. He says nothing but pushes my hands out of the way and grabs at a string that is settled right above my breasts. Then he pulls.

The dress comes undone and pools at my feet.

All of our mouths fall open in astonishment.

“How did you-” I start.

“I didn’t…” Sehun says just as surprised at what he did.

“I thought he was molesting you.” I smack Chanyeol’s shoulder hard and he moans dramatically in pain. “I’m going to have nerve damage from how much you hit me.” He complains.

“Shut up and untie this thing for me.” I point to the bodice and he quickly goes behind me to unlace it. It falls to my feet, my posture immediately worsens, and my tummy juts out. Chanyeol pokes it teasingly. I glare at him. I’m so ready to fight him to be honest. He can seriously catch these fucking hands.

It’s all out of love though. I want to fight him because I enjoy having his annoying ass around. His teasing reminds me of home.

I let out a huge breath now that I’m able to breathe fully again. Sehun hands me a shirt, and I throw it over my naked torso. I almost forgot my tits are just hanging out. It didn’t even faze me since they’d seen me naked so much these last few days. I stretch out my arms and the 3 of us make our way back to the main part of my room.

I sit on the edge of my bed and raise an eyebrow. “So, should I be expecting you both here in the morning at the same ungodly hour?” they share a look and Chanyeol tilts his head in my direction. Sehun frowns at the taller and then looks at me.

“Actually, that’s something that we wanted to talk to you about.” He glances at Chanyeol, and the taller nudges him to keep going. “We think that one of us should stay here with you at night until the party is over.” I give them a look.

“Why?” I ask. This time Sehun nudges Chanyeol, and the two start to hit each other back and forth until Chanyeol steps forward.

“There are a lot of new people here for the next few days, and we’re both just worried that someone is going to try something funny when we aren’t around.”

I purse my lips. “And by funny…you mean people trying to kill me in my sleep. Am I correct?” I ask bluntly.

“Yes.” Sehun responds.

The fact that I will be here with people who don’t like me is unsettling, and is quite frankly scary as hell. I had actually kind of wanted to ask one of them before they even brought it up, but I hadn’t wanted to weird either of them out. Having them ask me, is so, _so_ much better. I’m glad I wasn’t the one to do it. I shrug my shoulder to try and appear nonchalant. “Sure, why not.”

They seem taken aback by the fact that I agreed. Why ask if they didn’t expect me to accept? “So who’s staying tonight?” they look at each other at a loss for words. “Did you dumbasses not think this far ahead?”

Sehun chuckles shortly before scratching the back of his neck. “Not…really. We thought we’d have to argue about it with you…and have you just…choose.” I look at them blankly. They really need to think harder when they come up with their plans.

“Sehun.” I say. “You stay tonight.” Said boy smiles, and Chanyeol pouts.

“Why not me?”

“You get to spend the entirety of the next 2 days with me remember?” I smile innocently. “If I’m not tired of you tomorrow you can stay then.” He sticks out his tongue and I stand up off the bed to push him to the door. “ _Night_ Yeol. I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep well.”

“Wait but-”

“I said goodnight!!” I say louder in order to drown him out. I shove him out and close the door behind him. Loud boy.

“Sehun, go ahead and find whatever you want to wear.” I point towards the closet and he nods before plodding away. I jog to the bathroom to wash off all of my makeup before returning to my bed and flopping in the covers happily. I wrap myself up and sigh in content. I’m so ready to fall asleep.

My bed partner for the night comes out in a white t-shirt and loose boxers and while he looks comfortable, I’m slightly…stunned at how he’s dressed. I had assumed he would have covered up a bit more, but I did tell him to wear whatever…

I look away and listen to him crawling into the spot furthest away from me. Once he’s under the blankets, I clap my hands and the lights turn off. We lie in awkward silence.

I pucker my lips in the dark. “Goodnight Sehun.” I whisper. He hums in response. Already sounding half asleep. I sigh and close my eyes.

I should rest up; it’s going to be a busy day tomorrow.


	31. 29. The Birthday Party Pt II

It’s hot.

I squirm in my spot, and crack one eye open. The room is dark, and I know it’s clearly still the dead of night. I attempt to shift away from the source of heat only to find myself wrapped in someone else’s limbs.

I open my other eye and crane my neck to see Sehun’s sleeping face. The usually good at being distant boy has somehow resorted to fucking _cuddling_ and suffocating me in the middle of the night.

His mouth is open and soft snores are coming out. I smile sleepily at him. How cute.

I’m torn between wanting to push him off and letting him sleep on. He’s really warm and suffocating me, but he’s also sleeping so peacefully, and I have a heart. How could I wake him up when I don’t know how often he sleeps this well?

I whimper pitifully and use my feet to shuffle the blanket off my upper body so that I can have a bit of cool air to combat the body heat. I relax in his hold and close my eyes while facing the ceiling hoping to fall back asleep soon.

That is until I hear his whimpering.

Fuck, is he cold now? I reopen my eyes and look at him trying to figure out what’s causing him discomfort. His eyebrows are furrowed and his mouth has closed. He kind of looks like he’s in pain, and when his grip on me tightens, I assume he’s having some kind of nightmare.

The whimpering starts to change. Instead of soft whimpers, he begins to let out soft sighs and quiet _moans_. My eyes widen.

Not a nightmare.

Probably the opposite.

When I feel something distinctly _hard_ pressing against my thigh.

_Definitely the opposite._

My breath hitches and I silently listen to the noises. He pulls me in even tighter. I can feel his erection rubbing shallowly against my thigh and to say I’m flustered would be the understatement of the century. Should I wake him up? What am I supposed to _do_?

“June…” I close my eyes at the sound of my name unconsciously slipping from his mouth. This is wrong. Him doing this is wrong. Me letting him is wrong. The way my body is reacting to this so positively _wrong_. I didn’t even know he had thoughts like that. I take in deep breaths and try to force myself back to sleep.

Go to sleep.

Go the fuck back to sleep before he wakes up and is embarrassed and everything is ruined. _How would either of you be able to face each other after this_? I bite my lip hard.

I should be allowed one bad decision right? I’d just be helping him out.

That’s right. I’d be doing him a favor, and I’d be helping myself out. I have to go to sleep so I can be rested for the party, and how can I do that with him grinding up against my leg and moaning right in my ear?

That’s right. _I can’t_.

I peek and look at him with one eye to check and see if he’s asleep, because how the hell would I explain this to him if he were to wake up and basically find me molesting him in his sleep?

That’s right. _I can’t_.

With a deep breath, I slide one hand down between our bodies and palm the outside of his boxers, and he sighs at the touch. I freeze and don’t remove my eyes from his moonlit face, waiting for signs that he’s about to open his eyes and curse me to hell. I can feel him moving against my hand and he whimpers once again.

I bite the inside of my cheek and move my hand to the top of his boxers and slide my hand below the fabric against his skin. I grip his hardened member gently and watch his face closely. His face crunches up slightly and another shaky breath escapes him, I move my hand along his length.

Listening to his sounds of pleasure is a strange experience. Intriguing…and dirty. I feel terribly dirty listening to, watching, _participating_ in this, and yet I don’t force myself to stop. His face contorts at the outlet my hand is providing for his uhm… _problem_ and my entire body heats up shamefully.

His dick is hot and heavy in my hand. It throbs rhythmically in my palm, just as fast as my heart in my chest. When he starts to unconsciously buck into my hand I know that he’s getting close, and I should reclaim my hand before he- “Nng…”

Comes. I close my eyes in frustration at myself. I waited a second too long. I take my hand back and hold it up to my face to look at the white transparent liquid. I press my fingers together and pull them apart to watch as the sticky substance messily stretches from one finger to the next.

Should I just wipe it on my sheets?

This is the 3rd fucking time I’ve had to deal with cum in my damn sheets. Poor laundry boys who have to deal with this. _You could always lick it off_.

I scrunch my face up at the thought. Gross. That’s gross…but…

I stick my tongue out and lick it quickly anyway. The salty taste of it (in general) is definitely not my favorite, but it’s not…terrible, and that’s shocking. I quickly rub the rest of it off in the sheets. My hand is going to smell like cum in the morning. Again. I roll my eyes. Whatever. I look at Sehun’s face to see him falling right back into the peaceful state he was in before.

I am a terrible person.

But as long as he doesn’t find out…this can be my little secret. Besides it benefited him too, so it’s not like I was doing it for _just_ myself. I throw my leg over his, and put my head on his chest to listen to his slowing heartbeat. I let the sound of it lull me back to sleep.

* * *

 

“Wakey wakey~”

I groan and crack open my eyes to see a bright red headed being.

“Satan is that you?” I ask deliriously. “Have you come to claim me?”

“Yah!”

I rub my eyes and the face that belongs to the hair clears to show not Satan but Chanyeol, who does _not_ look amused. It feels like I’ve only slept for like 2 hours since…I was last up. My eyes widen and I look beside me to see it’s empty.

“He had to go get ready.” Chanyeol explains after following my gaze. I feel bad for feeling relived at the younger’s absence. I feel even worse about last night now that time has passed. “How’d last night go?”

“Fine!” I reply all too quickly. He jumps at the sudden volume and places a hand to his heart. “I mean it was fine. We just went to bed. Nothing happened.”

He raises an eyebrow and opens his mouth, but quickly shuts it at the sound of rapid knocks on the door.

Saved by the army of women. Never thought I’d be happy to see those ladies.

Chanyeol backs away from my bed and I brace myself for another morning of pampering and coddling.

Like yesterday, I’m bathed, dried, made up, and dressed all without having to actually lift a finger of my own. The purple dress isn’t nearly as tight as the teal one, and I’m given a pair of sandals that strap all the way up to my calves to wear with it. My hair is pinned up in a style that allows half of my hair to be down and in its natural texture. No curling or straightening and for that I’m thankful.

After being decorated with the little tiara, I take Chanyeol’s arm and -unlike yesterday- we walk to the dining room.

It’s been almost entirely transformed. 7 long tables have been laid out and are accompanied with at least 3 hundred people at each table and enough food to feed everyone in the Capital. A stage is set in the very front of the room, and all of the women are eating breakfast happily.

I see that at the head table, there is a seat next to the Queen’s that must have been set up for me. I wordlessly make my way to the seat and sit down. A few of the women at the table give me a welcoming nod while others do nothing of the sort.

Chanyeol taps my shoulder and I look up at his towering body. He juts his chin in the direction of the women at the table, and I suddenly notice the Charmers under some of the women. I make a noise of realization and stand up so that he can sit down. He holds his arms open in the chair with a toothy grin waiting for me to sit on him, and I shake my head incredulously.

This guy I swear.

I sit down and try to have only half my weight on him, until he wraps his arms around me forcing me to rest entirely on him. I gasp and grip the table to keep myself sitting straight.

“It’s fine.” He whispers. “I like having you in my lap.” He says. I grimace and pinch his thigh to show my displeasure with the comment. He flinches slightly and then I can feel the timbre of his laugh. I grab two pieces of toast and turn around to shove one in his mouth, and the other in mine. To shut him up, and to keep me from laughing at him. On my own without Solar, I feel like I’m going to shit my pants. I don’t want to say anything out of line or do something wrong, and without her I’m ten times more likely to do just that. 

I pick food up from in front of me and munch silently while feeding Chanyeol every now and then. The women at the table talk animatedly to one another and I listen to their conversations without adding a word. I attempt to look as though I’m not listening in.

A joyful fanfare plays on a horn, and the entirety of the room quiets. The Queen appears in the doorway with a golden mermaid dress, and everyone in the room stands at the sight of her in all her glory. She struts over to her chair beside me and nods. Everyone bows and then sits back down in their seats.

“Good morning everyone. I hope that you will enjoy the feast laid out for you all and all of the activities that will be occurring throughout the palace. Be merry for the party begins now.” The room erupts in applause and she smiles politely before holding a hand up and silencing the applause. “Before you all get back to eating, I would like to reintroduce June.”

I stand up and bow again in front of everyone. Solar smiles humbly before turning her attention to the room in front of her. I’ve never seen her in official Queen mode, but right now he commands the room and everyone is watching her intently. She doesn’t look like the silly girl I’d been seeing behind closed doors.

Right now she was larger than life itself. Imposing. Loud and has obvious control and respect of everyone in the room.

She clears her throat. “I expect you all to treat her with the same respect you would with me. If I hear or catch anyone treating her without the utmost care I _will_ find and end you before you can even begin your explanation.” At that everyone’s breathing stops. Mine included. She clasps her hands together and smiles once more. “Now, let the party begin!” she says with large grin. A moment of silence follows before someone starts clapping. Slowly everyone joins in until the room is filled with cheers, banging on tables, and applause. Gracefully Solar sits in her chair next to me. She gives me a reassuring smile and then claps her hands loudly.

Charmers enter the room in all directions. Just as shirtless as always. Frightened I sit further back against Chanyeol and grab his forearms for comfort. I watch as the Charmers walk around offering drinks and such to the numerous guest. When One comes up to me with the pink liquid I shake my head. He walks away and goes to the Queen. She takes a glass and downs it in one gulp.

I take another bite of some egg on my fork while the men make their way around. I offer the fork to Chanyeol and he opens his mouth wide. There’s a gleam of playfulness in his eyes and I smile. I’m so glad he’s here. I feel so much more relaxed in his arms.

A few minutes later, the lights dim in the room and brighten on the stage. I look at it expectantly. Three figures come on the stage in leather pants and white button downs. I recognize both Jongin and Sehun immediately. The third face is unknown, but is just as attractive as the other two. Music begins playing from the hidden speakers around the room, and the three take their places on their own platforms and begin dancing.

The song starts out slow, but then a voice begins talking over the music like poem. Once the voice stops, water begins to pour from the ceiling and on the stage while the music picks up. The song is mainly piano but has a heavy beat to it. The three of them are dazzling up there and my mouth drops open as they splash around and dance in the simulated rain without falling or tripping. I shove another piece of toast in my mouth so that I’m not so openly gaping.

Out of nowhere, the unknown Charmer rips open his shirt and the room erupts into ear splitting cheers. I cover my ears with my hands but smile at the boys on stage who’ve just given a terrific performance and look exhausted.

Wet.

And exhausted.

I clap excitedly as they exit the stage and the women continue whistling and cheering as if their lives depend on it. I turn to look at Chanyeol in amazement and he only nods excitedly with me.

Wah. Amazing.

At that another influx of drinks come in and everyone really begins to get loud and rowdy.

“You can leave for a bit. The next event isn’t for another 2 hours.” Solar leans over to tell me. I nod and stand up. I grab Chanyeol’s arm again and lead him out of the room. We might as well wander around for a bit since we’ve got a bit of time.

“That was amazing.” I whisper to him as soon as we’re out of the dining hall. I keep him attached to my side by holding onto his arm with a vice grip. I don’t want him drifting behind me, and I don’t think I’d fare well if I wasn’t holding him for comfort.

“They’re always amazing.”

“I didn’t know Sehun could dance so well.”

“He’s really good. All three of them practice really hard to give their best performances every time.” I’m so proud of both Sehun and Jongin for that dance, and I want to let them know as soon as possible. However, I know that I can’t go searching for them. Not right now at least.

“Remind me to let them know that I loved the performance, okay?” I look up to try and catch his eyes. He blinks before nodding once. I smile and go back to leading him in our wandering around the castle.

It’s still fairly early in the morning, and yet is seems as though half of the guests are trashed and drunk beyond belief. Stumbling women leaning up against walls. Shoes that have been left on the ground haphazardly. People sloppily making-out out in the open. Shamelessly grinding against one another.

I see mainly Gaia with other Gaia, and then the occasionally a Gaia with her Charmer(s). I look around at all of the women making out in slight confusion. Do some Gaia own other Gaia’s in the same way they own Charmers? “Most of these women are dating.” I hear. I look up at Chanyeol who points discretely at two women sitting at a couch leaning against one another and holding hands. “Gaia tend to marry and date other Gaia. They use Charmers as an outlet or even sex toys, but they will usually fall in love and settle down with one another.”

“Ahh…” I say distractedly. That makes sense. I had been starting to get confused, but it’s starting to make a lot more sense. Some Charmers are used as sex toys. Others as servants. Most as both. Humans aren’t even looked at that highly. They are slaves. Usually seen as tools. They handle the lowest and hardest jobs. Charmers handle things like service and entertainment. Of course Gaia fall in love as well, and would want someone with equal or greater social merit. I guess I had assumed they were just heartless and just liked to fuck every now and then.

Looks like I was wrong.

* * *

 

Later on the next event starts. I had been told that it would be children showing off their abilities and their mastery in their magic. What I wasn’t told was just _how_ this show and tell would happen.

There are at least 20 little girls, no older than maybe 10 years old. Each one of them dressed in beautiful clothes and greeting the Queen in the politest way I have ever seen a child address any adult in my life. After doing that they would step onto the stage and one of the many human boys here would be pushed on stage next to her. The girl would repeat her power and then go right in to showing it.

Using the human as the test dummy.

I watch around 15 of the 20 humans die right in front on us, and the other 5 are critically injured. Burned, drowning, crushed, suffocated, beaten, the list goes on. The bodies would be dragged off stage as the next is brought up in the same breath.

I squeeze Chanyeol’s arm in an attempt to comfort myself, and he places a hand on my shoulder reassuringly. Solar claps proudly at the display, and I can’t help but cringe.

She’s just proud of the little girls. That’s not a crime right? The humans brought on stage were raised knowing this would happen to them, so it’s not a huge loss right? These humans don’t know anything besides this as their lives, so it doesn’t matter right?

Right?

They’re raised as property and that’s what they think they are. I can’t help them, and that’s not my fault.

Luckily, once that’s over most of the guests move to separate areas of the castle for free time. I go to the entertainment room that I’d been playing around in with the boys for the last few weeks. Following the Queen with Chanyeol at my side. I don’t know when they got the chance to decorate it, but the large room was entirely transformed. Long tables have been added and are lined with the lunch that was made in the kitchen.

Not many people have come in to this area (although it’s still a shit ton and I’m feeling suffocated) since the ballroom is open for dancing, and the pools for swimming. Not to mention the fact that most of the drinks are being served in the ballroom as well. I assume most of the guests have settled there to get their fill.

The stage in here only has one mic, as opposed to the original three, and it’s positioned over a large black piano. Everyone settles at the tables and I force Chanyeol to sit beside me for once. He does so hesitantly, but with no complaints. The room is full of enthusiastic talking and eating. I seem to be the only one who sees the boy walking on to the stage and sitting at the piano. I glance at Solar who is animatedly talking to one of her advisors beside me.

The sound of music begins to play softly. I squint at the musician, and it takes a moment but I recognize him as one of Moonbyul’s Charmers. The pink hair being the main giveaway. I look around for said woman and find her talking relaxed to a woman at her side. The sound of the piano is beautiful, and I can’t help but admire the skill of the boy whose name I’ve forgotten. I look at Chanyeol. “Do you know-” the sound of singing interrupts my question. I look back to the stage to see the pink haired boy singing into the microphone above him. I watch in awe as his smooth voice accompanies the piano. “…him.”

“Yeah. That’s Baekhyun.” I blink and face the red haired man next to me. Baekhyun. That sounds about right. “I don’t talk to him very often. None of us really do…” he says. I turn back to the stage completely engulfed in silently taking in the performance. No one else seems nearly as wowed by this as I do.

A sudden note that sounds out of place interrupts the otherwise perfect flow and Baekhyun tenses as the entire room quiets. All eyes turn to the stage judgmentally, and I look around in worry. It was just one small mistake. Why is everyone freaking out? He stands up from his seat at the piano and bows so low that his head almost touches his knees. “Please forg-”

“Take him.” Moonbyul’s cold voice cuts through the apology like a blade and Baekhyun stands up looking like a deer in headlights. 2 Charmers dressed like guards walk up to the stage and grab him by the arms. The lack of fight that he puts up is heart wrenching. I look at Chanyeol worriedly. I hope they aren’t taking him _there_.

When he avoids my eyes, I know that the pink haired singer is being taken away for the small mistake. As soon as Baekhyun is gone, another boy takes his place and the room goes back to the way it was before. As if nothing even happened.

A hand on my shoulder makes me flinch in my seat. “What’s wrong?” Solar. I look at the new boy on stage and back to her. I don’t want to admit the reason behind my nervousness, but she already knows that I have a heart different from her and her peers.

“What’s going to happen to him?” I ask softly. She gives me a sad smile and caresses my cheek with her hand.

“I don’t know. He isn’t mine to deal with.” She replies simply. I look at Moonbyul who is once again engaged in relaxed conversation with a Gaia and I feel sick. I had been told plenty of times that she isn’t a very merciful owner, from my own Charmer friends, and I can only hope that Baekhyun isn’t punished too severely. That’s only wistful thinking, I know. I stand up as soon as Solar removes her hand from my cheek.

“I need a moment. I will be back.” I tell her.

She nods understandably. “Take your time.”

I catch Moonbyul’s eye, and she raises an eyebrow. I tap Chanyeol’s shoulder and leave the room in a rush.

I speed walk to the abandoned basketball court and start to pace in a line. I rub my sweating hands on the fabric of the short dress. Chanyeol watches on in silence for a few minutes.

“He’ll be fine.” He tells me. “Baek will be okay. Don’t worry.”

Lies. I know he’s lying. Looking at his face I can tell that he’s attempting to hide how scared he is as well. He lets out a breath and I bring a hand up to my mouth, tempted to bite at my painted nails. Will Baekhyun really be okay?

“Hey guess what.” I stop at Chanyeol’s now cheery voice. I give him a look. Why is he talking so happily all of a sudden? “I know how to play the piano too.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I can play that, drums, guitar, and I can sing.” I look at him in shock. He smiles and puts his hands into his dress pants pockets. “I know, what _can’t_ I do. I’m perfect.” He says lightheartedly. I scoff out a laugh and roll my eyes.

“Of course you are.” I agree sarcastically. “You should play for me one day.” I add honestly.

He nods shortly. “I might. If I can ever get my hands on a piano.”

Looks like I’m going to get a piano put in my room for the tall boy to use. Is it that hard to find instruments in the castle? I’m sure Solar would scour the world for it if I asked. I look down at the court in confusion. Why did I come in here again? Oh shit! Right. The party. I give Chanyeol a thankful smile. He nearly entirely took my mind off of what just happened with  just a few sentences.

He grins shyly back. “We should go back.”

I shake my head. “Let’s walk around again. I don’t want to go back yet.” I tell him sheepishly. He walks up to me and links his fingers with mine, his long digits covering mine. I look at our hands and he bumps his hip into mine.

“Lead the way princess.” I look up at him and scrunch my face up at the nickname he’s gotten used to calling me.

“Shut up.”

* * *

Surprisingly while wandering, we find a whole other section of the castle that neither of us were even aware existed. I was almost sure that I found every part of the castle when I went searching on my own; however, after following the never ending streams of party goers we stumbled upon a separate building that was connected by a bridge near the back of the castle.

Knowing we didn’t have long before dinner would start, I made a mental note for us to come back and figure out what all the hype is about in this area. With fingers interlocked we walk back to the large dining room where dinner will be served at any minute now.

While leisurely making our way to the 2nd floor a small group of people manage to catch our attention. Giggles fill the air around them, and it’s obvious that the women in the group are flirting with the Charmer they’ve managed to surround. It only takes a second for my mind to register that it’s Luhan surrounded by the three women.

He has on a black button up, and grey slacks with his hair pushed up and out of his face. The women are subtly touching him and he has a smile on his face as he talks to and entertains the Gaia around him. He’s obviously in the middle of working.

I can’t hear anything that any of them are saying even as we get closer to actually passing them by. One thing is for certain though, the flirting is happening both ways. One of the Gaia in the group meets my eyes and immediately breaks into a friendly smile before bowing her head.

“Mistress June. It’s wonderful to see you.” I nod my head politely and my eyes glance over to Luhan who looks panicked at having been caught in this situation. I quickly look away and smile at the woman who addressed me.

“Are you enjoying her Highness’s party?” I ask. She nods quickly.

“This is the nicest party I’ve ever had the pleasure of being invited to. Everything is perfect.”

I nod again. “I’m glad to hear it. I’ll make sure her Highness knows that you all are enjoying the festivities.” I look in Luhan’s direction again and it seems as though he is making a point to avoid my eyes. I grip Chanyeol’s hand tighter. “Let’s go Chanyeol.” I give each of the women a smile. “I hope to see you all at dinner.”

“Of course!”

“Most definitely.”

We leave quickly after that.

* * *

 

Dinner is uneventful outside of the performance given by the dancers. Like before, Sehun, Kai, and the third Charmer were amazing and the room was full of praise. I clapped excitedly for the two boys who looked absolutely pooped after a long day of performing for these large crowds. After an announcement that there would be drinks and music in the grand ballroom, the crowd leaves to go to the next location.

I sigh and stand up on my aching feet for the nth time today. My feet are absolutely killing me after all this walking, and I’d rather slit my own throat than deal with another 12 hours of standing and _dancing_.

“I want to go to my room.” I mutter to Chanyeol on the way to the ballroom.

“So do I.” he agrees.

I purse my lips and walk silently down the stairs and through the large doors of the grand ballroom. Just as they said, it was pulsing with music and nearly everyone already had a drink in their hands. I scan the room for Solar. As much as I don’t want to be here, I know I am supposed to be standing at her side while she keeps up the role of being hostess.

I meander lost for a few minutes until I finally manage to catch sight of her. I hurriedly scamper to her side and refrain from grabbing her dress to keep myself from getting separated. She is deep in conversation with a woman I’ve never seen before, so I turn my attention elsewhere so that I don’t interrupt her and the guest.

The room is just as large and imposing as when I had to come here for the judgement day. Where I once kneeled there is an elongated table covered in treats, desserts, and other snacks. On the other side of the room is a large circular table decorated with countless bottles of wine, liquor, and other spirits. In the middle there is a tower of what look like jelly snack in the shape of crowns. They range in color from red and blue, to chartreuse and seafoam. It’s beautiful really.

“Ah there you are baby.” Solar’s voice pulls me from my amazement. She looks at me with a soft smile. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Yeah. This is all really nice.”

“That’s great to hear.” She puts one hand on my shoulder and the other points behind me. I turn my head to follow her finger. “Do you see those girls?” she asks. I look around until I see a group of huddled girls who look no older than me talking animatedly in a circle. “You should go over and introduce yourself to them.”

I turn away from the group and face Solar with a frown. “Why?”

“They’re others like you who were brought here for the party. You should go make friends. I know you don’t have any friends outside of the Charmers you’ve taken to, and it would be good to have human friends like yourself, yes?” I nod dumbly. She’s right. I should have friends like myself. As of right now I don’t talk to any other humans, and it’d be nice to talk about…human things with others that get it. She squeezes my shoulder affectionately. “Have fun. I’ll be over here if you need me.” She kisses my cheek and walks a few feet away. I glance towards the girls before placing my focus on Chanyeol who is giving me a disapproving look.

“Can you leave me for a bit? I’ll be fine around them, so you don’t have to play bodyguard so closely.”

His eyes wander in their direction and his frown only deepens. “I’m not sure about this…”

“Just 30 minutes. All I want is like 30 minutes and then you can go back to being my shadow.” I plead with my eyes and he silently stares me down trying to convince me otherwise. When he sees that I don’t plan on budging he sighs and bows before finally walking off. I let out a nervous breath and head over to the group of girls.

As I approach them I can see that they’ve all got glasses of champagne in their hands and are talking happily about something. I clear my throat and let out an awkward “Hi,” cutting into their conversation.

All of their eyes turn to me, and I shrink under their gazes. “You’re the girl who lives with the Queen right?!” one asks with widened eyes.

“…uhm yes.” I inform her. They all gasp in surprise and look at each other with opened mouths.

“I’m so jealous!”

“You’re so pretty.”

“It’s no wonder the Queen took you in.”

“I bet you have an amazing time living here.”

I rub at my bare arm anxiously. “It is pretty nice being here.” I admit.

“Where did you come from originally?”

“I lived in a human village.”

“So did I!” one with blonde hair says.

“Me too!” a pretty girl with black hair and tanned skin chimes in.

“Really?” I ask, shocked to know they have backgrounds similar to my own.

“Yes, I left at a very young age though…so I don’t remember much about it. I can’t even remember my mom’s voice to be honest.”

“Me too!” I add in a bit too loud. I immediately dial down my excitement. “I mean, neither can I. It’s been so long. I can’t believe I’m not the only one.” The girls giggle and I laugh in relief. I can’t believe Chanyeol was worried about me coming over here. I never thought I’d meet others who had the slightest understanding of what it is like to be a human girl in this world. I could definitely see myself becoming friends with these girls.

I hear a scoff from one of them. Her eyes are focused on the walls of the room where human boys are lined up. “Disgusting.” She says with a scowl. I brighten. I’m not the only one who thinks that the way the boys are treated is horrible. Another follows our line of vision and she frowns.

“I know right. I can’t believe they’re allowed to be visible. Awful little creatures they are.” My stomach drops. I look at her in horror. The girl beside her rolls her eyes and looks at me with a grimace.

“How do you even _deal_ with having those gross things around you so often?”

I open and close my mouth at a loss for words. “The…the humans?” I manage to ask.

“Yeah.”

“Duh.”

“But…we’re humans too…” I say quietly, unsure as to whether or not they were aware of that fact. They collectively roll their eyes and let out sounds of dissatisfaction.

“Yeah of course we’re human, but we aren’t _them_.”

“They’re hostile, vile, gross creatures.”

“They aren’t even doing anything useful right now; they should be dead.”

I keep my mouth closed as they carry on talking about their own experience with human slaves and how useless and worthless they are as beings. The conversation then shifts to them discussing Charmers and how worthless their own are.

“If they weren’t such a good fuck, I’d have them killed as well. At least it’s fun training them in to submission.” They laugh in agreement to the blonde’s statement. I stand among them flabbergasted. How could they even _say_ these kinds of things? They- _we’re_ humans too. What makes them so much better than the human slaves and Charmers? Had they not been taken in by the Gaia they could be in a similar spot. They could be working under the Gaia as a personal slave. Don’t they know how lucky they are? Don’t they know how terrible they sound?

“Um, please excuse me. I have to go find her Majesty.” I bow my head to the girls.

“Oh, please go on. Come find us again soon.”

“It was nice meeting you June!”

I offer an unstable smile as I hurriedly make my way out of the ballroom.

Fucking human girls.

Just as bad as the Gaia. Am I the only person who can see how wrong all of this is? I can’t be can I? There have to be others who think the same. I clench and unclench my fist a few times as I walk fast paced down hallways just be alone for a while. Since everyone has congregated in the ballroom full of booze I can find momentary peace down these dimly lit halls.

The only sounds I can hear are my own footsteps and the quiet thuds of bass coming from the ballroom I left behind. I make a noise of frustration and turn on my heel.

I have to go back. Not because I am going to talk to the girls or even find Solar, but because I left without Chanyeol knowing. If he realizes I’ve vanished he’s going to have a fit. I follow the sound of the music since I wasn’t keeping track of where I had actually rushed off too.

“Please stop…” the plead is faint. I almost didn’t catch it. I’m not even sure if I heard correctly. I stop in my tracks and look around me. I know that the ballroom is down this hall on the left, but it sounded like the voice was coming from the right. Looking wistfully towards the direction I know I should be walking, I head in the other direction.

I tread quietly down the hallway and I know that I’m being a dumbass right now. Whatever I think I heard was none of my business. I should just let it go.

And yet I keep searching.

After turning a corner, I see a woman hovering over a guy on one of the couches.

“Please get off. Don’t do this. Please!” he cries out. She shushes him softly and leans further in to him. I run over to the pair and grab the back of the woman’s top to pull her off. She stumbles back and looks angry for a millisecond before she starts to smirk. I stand in front of the man defensively. I don’t know what this lady is about to do, but I will stand here and scream and fight until the last second.

“Leave him alone!” I bark. “You can’t force yourself on him like that.”

She chuckles. “Trust me. It’s not him that I want.” At that the woman begins to shift. Her limbs elongate, hair shortens, body turns into lean muscle, facial features shift entirely. Where a curvy woman once stood is now a tall ass man. A very attractive tall ass man. I gulp and take a step backwards.

I bump into the body of the guy who was previously sprawled on the couch vulnerably. I feel the cold metal of a blade on my throat as he holds me against his chest. I gasp. “Don’t worry, we aren’t going to hurt you…yet.”

I inhale before staring at the man in front of me. “What do you want?”

He rolls his eyes and looks at the man behind me. “You don’t have to hold the knife to her throat.” The guy behind me shrugs, but the pressure of the blade against my throat lessens. “Look, we just need to talk to you for a while. We want you to cooperate.” I settle for a glare in lieu of response.

“You really are quite careless for a human.” The man behind me supplies.

 _Yeah, I know that_. I can’t even deny it. I shouldn’t have jumped into the middle of this even if it had been real. I really need to get my life together.

“We’ve been waiting for someone like you to finally come in to the castle.” The shorter man behind me says. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. They’ve been waiting for me?

“You got our book with the pictures right?” the taller one in front of me asks. I search my memory for any picture books. The memory of shoving a book full of grotesque images under my bed resurfaces quickly.

I wheeze roughly. “ _You_ put that in my room!? B-but how?”

“Don’t worry about it. For now, just come with us and we’ll all be happy-”

“June?! June where are you?!” _Chanyeol_. I sag in relief at the sound of his voice. I’m so glad I gave him a time limit. The knife is removed from my throat and the smaller male stands beside the shape shifter.

“It seems like we have to postpone our little meeting.” The shapeshifter says.

“We’ll see you June…soon enough.” The shorter male smiles in a way that is weirdly innocent before he places a hand on the other’s arm and the two vanish on the spot, leaving nothing but a huge gust of wind in their wake.

I bring my arm up to my throat to check and see if it’s bleeding. Without moving my hand, I look out the large window at the very end of the hall worriedly; the moon is high in the sky and is only a small crescent. They’re going to come back for me…

I feel his hand on my shoulder before I hear him, and even knowing that it’s just Chanyeol I still jump a bit at the touch. He’s panting heavily at my side. “Where did you run off to-” I throw my arms around him. He freezes up momentarily, but he returns the gesture easily. “Did…did something happen?”

I know that I should probably tell him about the almost successful attempt to kidnap me, but I also know that if he knows he and Sehun and Jongin will be even more worried than they already are. They have so much to deal with and I don’t need to add to that. They might also tell Solar…and then I’d be locked up in my room until the end of time. If I have to suffer through that I might as well die.

I debate whether or not to tell him before settling on holding him a bit tighter and telling him not to leave my side anymore. “Just...don’t let me wander off alone again. Okay?”

“…okay.”


	32. 30. The Birthday Party Pt III

 

In a pathetic attempt to distract myself from the two men in the hallway, I decided to try and drink enough to take my mind off of it for a while. Remembering the last time I got drunk, I make sure not to go too far with my alcohol intake and settle for finding a slight warm buzz. Having to focus most of my energy on making sure that I wasn’t stumbling or slurring was doing an amazing job of keeping my thoughts at bay.

_Like almost getting my dumb ass fucking kidnapped._

Kidnapped? Girlnapped? Womannapped?

“I am a woman not a kid…” I mutter to myself. I want to go back to my room. It’s way too late, and it seems like the party still hasn’t slowed down. If I can just get Chanyeol we can turn in early. I’m sure Solar would understand.

After having the thought, I look for said boy only to find Chanyeol 5 feet away eating what looks like his 15th jelly snack at the liquor table. My eyes widen at the amount of empty papers in front of him.

He’s going to die.

I rush over and pull him by the arm away from the table. “Dude! How many of those did you eat?” I hiss lowly. He pops another in his mouth and then holds out his hands to count on his fingers.

“One…seven...twelve…five?” he utters confusedly while showing me all ten of his fingers. “I dunno I had a lot of the candy.” I groan aloud. I can feel my own tipsiness fading hearing this from him. One of us needs to be sober enough to get us back to the room, and it obviously won’t be him. I glance around the room full of people before pulling him down closer to my height.

“Chanyeol, those are _jelly shots_ not _candy_.”

He wobbles a bit on his feet. “That-That would explain why they tastedlikealcohol and not…um not candy.” Giant idiot.

“God dammit. Let’s go. You’re going to be sick.”

Hoping to escape before he can do anything stupid, I loop his arm around my shoulder and hobble away from the drinks. With a good 60% of my senses still intact I’m able to weave both myself and an absolutely hammered Chanyeol out of the crowded hall. It takes a lot of patience and encouragement on my side, but we are also able to make it up the large set of stairs that lead to the floor where my bedroom resides.

“Stairs are hard.” He grumbles. I hum along to his random thoughts. “They…they just stand there and you have to climb on them…why aren’t there moving stairs?”

“There are.”

“What?!” I huff and pull open my bedroom door.

“They’re called escalators Chanyeol.” The lights flicker to life after sensing our movement, and I guide (more like drag) Chanyeol to my bed. He plops down on the blankets and nearly falls right back off the mattress.

“Do you think…that…that pillows would cry if they could?” I hum in encouragement and go to untie his shoes. Kneeling on the ground I place one dress shoe clad foot on my thigh and unlace it. “I think they would. They have such a…such a sad life.” I nod along with him, tuning him out for the most part so I can focus on undressing him. I’m still fairly inebriated myself and I can’t talk with him and also take off his clothing. “Nobody likes them until they want to sleep on them.”

“Mhm.” I untie the other shoe and slide both of them off of his feet.

“That’s sad isn’t it?”

“It is.”

“I think your pillows wouldn’t cry.” He mumbles. I pause from taking off his second sock to give him a confused look. “You don’t just like pillows because you can sleep with them.” He lets out a heavy sigh and flops backwards on my bed. “I haven’t ever cried since I became your pillow.”

I toss the sock in my hand across the room and stand up on my feet. “Chanyeol what are you mumbling about?” He lets out a sound that reminds me of a dying whale.

“My head hurtssss.”

“That because you ate nearly enough jelly shots to kill a bear you giant idiot.” I grab both of his arms and pull him back into sitting position. “Hold out your arms.” I command. He does so half-heartedly with closed eyes. I quickly unbutton his shirt and try not to break any of them in my haste before pulling his elevated arms through the sleeves. He’s left in a plain white tee. A hiccup makes his tall frame jolt.

“Sehun likes you.” He slurs out.

“Mm.”

“He reallyyyy likes you.” He continues. I shake my head softly. He’s just talking nonsense again. “He’s all scared because the last girl he liked got killed and he is…he _isn’t_ okay about that.” His eyes flutter back open and he looks at me with a gaze way too serious for someone as wasted as him to be able to pull off. “Do you like him?”

I blink a bit taken aback by the sudden question. I tilt my head to the side a few times before going back to my knees and unbuttoning his pants. “Yeah I guess.” I utter finally. _They’re my friends, of course I like them._

“Do you like me?” I pause momentarily. I knew the question was probably coming, but the fact that he asked it while I’m in the middle of pulling off his pants it just _slightly_ weird.

“Of course. I like you both.” He lifts his hips and I slide his pants down his legs; he smiles a goofy grin at my answer.

“I like you toooo.” He says giddily. “But I think Sehun likes you _more_ than I do cause he-he wants to put his dick-”

“OHHKAY CHANYEOL, TIME TO GO TO SLEEP OKAY HONEY.” I shout while standing up on my feet again. He nods sleepily and closes his eyes once more.

“Mmm okay.” He collapses on the mattress and almost immediately falls asleep completely sprawled out on the bed. I furrow my eyebrows and look down at the sleeping boy feeling somewhat distraught.

Was he telling the truth or was he just saying things to say things? I know some people talk just to talk when they’re drunk and they’ll say anything just so they have something to say.

_Do you like him? Do you like me?_

Do I? I mean…I do like them, but I’ve written them off as crushes and nothing more than that because _it’s not the time for such things_. I don’t know why I keep finding myself pulled towards these guys. Maybe I’m just being protective and mother like. Maybe I’m mistaking motherly affection for actual affection. That could be it right?

I trudge over to the closet and unlace the sandals and slide out of the clothes I’d been wearing for almost 20 hours now. I toss a large shirt over my body and settle at the window ledge I became so close with within my first days here. Staring out at the starry sky I grimace.

What did those guys want from me? They said they’d see me again…so they’re going to come back for me obviously. I have to be more careful. I can’t wander off alone, and I have to make sure that I don’t trigger anyone into knowing that something’s wrong. I know they won’t come for me if I’m around the Queen or Chanyeol and Sehun.

I should tell someone though…just in case they do manage to find me alone again. I can’t tell Sehun, Chanyeol, or Jongin. All of their pictures were in that book and I don’t want them to know that I’ve seen that. I can image how awful it would feel knowing someone else has seen you at such a low point. They don’t need to know that I’ve seen that.

I could tell Luhan. I can find him and tell him before he leaves. Someone needs to know, and I’m least apprehensive of Luhan knowing about the pictures in the book.

I’ll tell Luhan.

* * *

 

As expected in the middle of the night Chanyeol wakes me up by loudly dry heaving. I barely get him to the bathroom in time for him to empty his stomach contents into the toilet. It takes him a solid 30 minutes to stop, and I stay beside him for the entire time. He did a lot of moaning and groaning in despair while I rubbed at his back, but that _is_ what he gets for putting so much alcohol in his body at one time. I’m just glad he didn’t get alcohol poisoning.

Once he was sure that he wasn’t going to be sick any longer, we went back to bed and I let his curl in to me so that I could pat his hair.

The final day of the party is just as loud and annoying as the first days. I’m washed and primed for the festivities just as early as always, and after the events of last night it feels even worse than usual. My makeup is done and my hair is styled and let loose in way that lets its natural texture and style show prettily. I slide into the red dress and it feels so smooth against my skin that I almost forget I’m not in silky pajamas.

Walking to the dining hall in black and red stilettos, I plaster myself to Solar’s side immediately. Chanyeol keeps close behind, and I make sure not to bring up anything that was said last night. Luckily he doesn’t either, seeing as he has an obvious hangover after eating all the jellies that he did. I don’t even know if he remembers that far into the night.

“You should go find your human friends-”

“I don’t like them.” I say quietly to Solar at the table. I scan the room for both the faces of the humans with shitty personalities and for either of the men from last night. “Can I just stay with you?”

Solar pats my arm softly. “Of course baby. You’re always welcome to stay at my side.”

I exhale lightly at the comforting words, my eyes still trying to take in all the faces in the room.

Like I asked, I stay right at Solar’s side. I follow her around from room to room and stiffly smile at every person who comes up to us to chat with her or coo at me. I feel totally out of it and unfocused. I don’t know how many events we attend and how many people we meet, but I do notice that I don’t see that Baekhyun guy performing at any of the musical events. I know for sure that he must be in the dungeon then.

I can’t even enjoy the dancing. I zone out at nearly every event, and as much as I try to keep my reactions to things from being delayed, I still find myself clapping a beat too late, laughing a second too long, and smiling a moment too slow.

I think Chanyeol has taken notice.

He doesn’t ask about it though.

After excusing herself to go speak to some advisors in private, Chanyeol and I are left on our own. With Solar gone I feel far more vulnerable than I’d like to. Hoping to find a larger crowd of women so that my chances of being taken are lowered, I lead Chanyeol towards the second building of the castle.

We exit the main building and end up in the garden. I take slow steps towards the large maze. Keeping straight we come upon one of the many exits. This particular one leads to a large lake that is disturbed by an even larger waterfall. A marble bridge connects the land on this side to the front door of the second building.

God I hate water so much.

I speed walk across the sturdy bridge (I don’t want to be suspended over Satan’s saliva for too long) and enter the 2nd castle that is pulsing with sultry music. It looks almost like a mall. Bright colors and small rooms with glass walls that allow you to see right inside of them.

I only glance over the rooms. I doubt they have anything that I’d want right now. This area is full of people as well. More scantily clad than those in the main part of the palace. Since the festivities started most of the Charmers in the main building have had on more clothing just to keep up the air of royalty and professionalism, but here, they are back to shirtlessness and roaming around. It smells thick with perfume and must, and honestly it’s making me just a tiny bit nauseous. Drifting without a purpose other than staying around others, we find ourselves in a section with crowds of women around open doors. The atmosphere here is heavier.

I take a step towards the crowd and door closest to me, but Chanyeol grabs and stops me abruptly. I wait for an explanation of why he’s grabbing my arm like his life depends on it, but he only opens his mouth with no words coming out. He decides to just shake his head quickly, and I know he hopes that it’s enough to get me to drop the thought of walking over, but it isn’t. I pry his hand off me and watch as he lets it fall to his side defeated.

He bites at his lip hard, but I turn away and ignore the silent pleas for me to stop.

I approach the crowd and worm my way between the sweaty bodies gawking in the doorway. I stumble to the front and squint in attempts to see through the thick cloud of smoke in the room. The pungent smell is unmistakable as weed.

I scrunch up my nose as it fills my nostrils and enters my own lungs even though I’m not the person smoking it. I wave a hand in front of my face to dissipate some of the cloud, only to get a clearer view of what’s going on in front of me.

It makes sense now why everyone is just openly staring.

It’s a sex show.

People stand along the walls and spill out into the hall just watching as two Charmers go at it on the large satin bed in the middle of the room. One of the boys is petite and has hair that’s been dyed a dark blue (or so it seems in the red and purple light of the room). He’s pressed into the mattress of the bed -chest flat and ass in the air- with eyes half-lidded and lips parted in ecstasy.

My jaw drops when I recognize the male pounding into the boy on the bed.

Luhan.

I take slow step backwards hoping to escape before he can see me, and before I can feel my stomach drop any more than it already has. With him entirely engrossed in fucking the boy below him into oblivion, I’m able to slide out of the room unnoticed. Once I’m in the safety of the hall, I let my upper body slump forward and use my arms to hold me up at the knees.

 _He wasn’t kidding when he said he was going to be working_.

I breath heavily as the scene replays in my head. I squeeze my eyes shut and let out a strangled noise akin to a sob.

I should have stayed with Chanyeol.

Chanyeol. I stand up in fear. Where did he go? I look around and see no trace of the read headed guardian amongst the mass of people. He couldn’t have just disappeared. Did he get pulled in to one of the rooms?

Being the absolute dumbass that I am, I decide to search for him in the throes of sweating horny bodies crowding the rooms.

Each room that I manage to squirm in to is full of more or less the same. 2 people, 3 people, sometimes even 5 people having sex in the middle the rooms while the women just look on gleefully as if this is their favorite kind of television show. The longer I walk around the more the weed in the air begins to affect me. I feel my body slowing down and calming at a rate faster than I can comprehend. My heart slows, my steps get less frantic, my emotions turn less wild.

I feel _great_.

The feeling of the bass from the music is tingling up and down my body, and the pretty pink and red and purple lights in the rooms are so beautiful and how do they keep making the room look so _pretty._ A hand intertwines with my own and begins to pull me even closer to the lights. “Chanyeol do you see these lights?” I say dazedly while keeping my eyes focused on the ceiling and the changing colors.

I feel my butt hitting the mattress of a bed, and I pull my eyes form the ceiling to see a boy in front on me. A boy that isn’t Chanyeol.

I was supposed to be finding Chanyeol.

“Hey have you seen my friend?”

The boy smiles sexily and shakes his head before smashing his mouth to mine. He tastes like oranges and mints. I close my eyes and let my hands slide up his naked torso while he leans forward and I fall deeper into the silk sheets that smell a little like perfume and a lot like sex and drugs.

“June!” The warm body disappears from above me, and when I open my eyes I see Chanyeol leaning over me looking panicked. I offer him a lazy grin.

“There you are. I was lookin all over for you.” He lets out a deep sigh and grabs me by my wrists. The women around us look and shout at us angrily, and the boy from before looks relieved. I wave to the crowd and Chanyeol shoves passed the women all the way to the pretty bridge by the waterfall.

I get lost in staring at the water falling fast from the cliff that I miss all of what Chanyeol is trying to say to me. He snaps his fingers in front of me and I blink dumbly before putting my eyes back on him.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

Am I okay? I feel…calm and great. I don’t know what just happened but I feel…great. “Yeah…everything is cool.” I nod slowly and grin goofily up at him.

He slaps his palm to his head. “Everything is definitely _not_ cool.” He mumbles.

* * *

 

It takes a good four hours for my mind to clear of whatever fog it had fallen into while in the hidden 2nd castle building. I knew that it was wearing off when I began to feel an overwhelming sense of panic beginning to fill me once more.

Hello anxiety my old friend.

When we found Solar she knew where I had vanished to as soon as she smelt the mix of smells on my dress and saw the dazed look in my eyes. She said nothing of it, only hiding a knowing smile at my discovery.

Sehun joins us at the goodbye dinner, and only once he’s back at my side I realize how much I’ve missed having him around 24/7. I had momentarily forgot about what I did that 2 nights ago, but when he accidently brushes against me it comes flooding back with a fury. A quick peek at his face and I am relieved to see that he doesn’t seem to have any recollection of that night.

I spare him no words or other looks for the first half of dinner; my energy being focused on not seeming as worried and on edge on the outside as I feel on the inside. Chanyeol shifts uncomfortably from under me and I pull myself from my thoughts. I grab a fork and stab a piece of pork just to hold it at his mouth instead of mine.

I’m not hungry.

He pauses a second longer than he probably normally would before taking the utensil between his lips. I set it back on the plate.

I was pulled into the middle of a sex show.

I was almost a _part_ of a sex show.

People were about to just _watch_ me have sex.

What. The. Fuck.

I blink rapidly and observe the table around me for the first time since sitting down here 30 minutes ago. Solar sits right next to me in all her regal glory eating and laughing and talking as if she’s having the best day of her life. To my right is Moonbyul who seems really focused on glaring down the Gaia across from her.

“Hey, are you feeling okay?” Sehun’s voice is far closer to my ear than I was expecting.

“Mm. Never better.” I say calmly.

Lies. Blatant lies.

I catch him and Chanyeol sharing a look from my periphery before I feel Chanyeol shrug under me. I don’t have to even see him to know that Sehun is probably unconsciously rolling his eyes. Neither of them believe me, but I’m doing a piss poor job of covering it up so I guess it’s my own fault.

“Well, well. What do we have here?” Moonbyul says loudly. All the attention in the room shifts to her and her smug expression. I frown around the room as all of the conversation dies down. Why does everyone seem to respect her so much? My best guess is that they’re scare as shit of her. She grins haughtily at me. I squint at her trying to figure out why she’s acting so mischievous right now. Her eyes move from me to Sehun and I know immediately what she’s about to say.

 _He rolled his eyes at me_. Fuck.

Time to turn on the fake acting skills and quick thinking. I turn around in Chanyeol’s lap to look at Sehun with wide worried eyes. “Sehun, did you get something in your eye? Ah, come here and let me see.” He blinks dumbly but leans down anyway. I cup his cheeks with my hands and pretend to be looking for something in his eyes. “She’s watching you like a hawk. Be more careful; she saw you roll your eyes.” I whisper softly. Realization splays across his features, and he pales ever so slightly. He nods once. I blow into his eye and pat his shoulder. “Got it.” I say loud enough for everyone listening to here.

Seemingly disappointed with the lack of drama, the party attendants go back to talking like before. I toss a deadly glare in Moonbyul’s direction, but the asshole only arches a brow challengingly. I frown in anger. This is going to be a long ass dinner.

As expected, she keeps a close eye on Sehun and looks for every _single_ god damn opportunity to try and throw him under the bus. I think she’s noticed how close I’ve gotten to my Charmers, and for some reason that just happens to piss her off. Unfortunately for her, Sehun is very good at his job and almost never slips up while being a silent Charmer. I’m sure he’s even more shocked than I am that he made such a careless mistake in public.

I make sure not to address them, and neither of them say anything to me. We don’t need to give her any reason to try and sabotage any of us. She can’t hurt me, but fuck me because she knows she can hurt them and I would be _devastated_.

It’s back to seriousness right now.

As the night carries on and dessert is brought out, I can tell that she is getting frustrated with the lack of chances to fuck with any of us. I spoon ice cream into my mouth while watching her scan the room calculating her next move.

“I would love to hear a song.” She says happily.

I glare in her direction, but she ignores me and settles for giving Solar an innocent look.

“What a great idea. I’d love to hear a song too.” Solar agrees.

God dammit Solar.

“Sehun,” fuck. “Why don’t you sing us all a song. I’m sure you are up to the job.”

All of the women in the room brighten. Words of agreement are thrown out, and it seems as though all of them are in favor of my Charmer presenting us with a vocal performance. I glance at him in my periphery and the poor soul appears frozen to his spot in utter terror. Dancing, I know he has no problem with…but it seems as though he does _not_ like being put on the spot for singing.

She arches an eyebrow mockingly, and when he makes no move towards the stage she smirks. Her hand raises in the air and she snaps twice signaling the guards to come over. For disobeying, the punishment is most definitely torture.

What to do? What do I do? I can see the guards making their way over, and I can feel Sehun shaking beside me. Fuck.

“I want to sing a song!” I call out. I stand up from my spot on Chanyeol, and all the attention is now on me and not Sehun. Everyone is obviously confused by my outburst, but I could care less. Right now, I just need to save Sehun. I turn to said boy, “Go and get me some water for when I’m done. I’m sure I’ll be parched,” I turn to face the rest of the room and keep speaking in the same loud voice “Chanyeol will be playing the piano for me.”

At the mention of the tall male they all totally forget about Sehun. He rushes to the kitchen with his head down, and I let out a relieved breath only to groan quietly. Now Sehun is out of the way, but I’ve fucked not only myself but also probably Chanyeol because can he even _play_ the piano or was he just talking just to talk. Not to mention the fact that my singing voice is rough at best.

He stands up and follows me all the way to the stage. He settles at the piano bench. I clear my throat and take the mic so that I can talk over the light chatter that is overpowering the room. I cover it with my hand so that I can whisper to him before talking to the room, “Play the birthday song.” I whisper. He gives me a lost expression, but I don’t have any time to explain to him why I’m having him do this. “Hello everyone. I’m going to sing my favorite song; this is for Solar.” I say evenly.

“Yes!” I hear Solar call from the back. I chuckle lightly. She’s crazy. I give Chanyeol a look and he begins to play the tune.

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Solar…Happy birthday to you.” I sing it through a few times, and people clap along while I more or less speak the words of the song. At the end everyone claps excitedly and I curtsey. “Thank you all for coming and celebrating Our Majesty’s birthday. Please return home safely.” The claps resume and I bow before gripping Chanyeol by the collar and dragging him out of the hall and right back to my bedroom.

* * *

 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fucking fuckity fuck.” I pace around the bedroom with my hands threaded in my now messed up head of hair. Chanyeol sits a few feet away at the edge of my bed apprehensively.

“Hey you-”

“Fucking shit ass fucking _fuck.”_

“I think you should brea-”

“Fucking fizzity fu-”

“Yah!” I freeze in my spot as Chanyeol’s booming voice temporarily breaks through my external crisis.

“Inhale.” He commands. I close my eyes and take in an enormous breath of air and hold it in until my chest starts to burn. “Breathe.” He says softly. I release the air from my lungs, and find my hands losing their harsh grip on my hair. “Okay…feeling better?”

“No.” I answer curtly. I spin around to face him. “I’m not because I’m worried about everything at one time. I’m not because I’ve had a long day and it’s just getting longer. I’m not because Sehun was almost taken away from me when I told him I’d protect him. I’m not because I put you in danger a second before realizing how much trouble I was _actually_ putting you in. Chanyeol I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for putting you on the spot like that I didn’t mean for-”

“June,” he makes the exaggerated motion of breathing. I take in a breath again and let it out. “It’s all fine. _You’re_ fine, _I’m_ fine, _Sehun’s_ fine. What matters is that you saved him from being sent to the dungeon. You don’t have to apologize for anything. You saved Sehun. That is all that matters.”  I let out another shaky breath as he stands up to walk closer to me. My hands start shaking at my sides as I look up at him, waiting for him to do something, _anything._ I can feel him hesitating to do something (what, I might never know), but the moment is disrupted by the heavy door of my room being flung open with a force I didn’t know anyone was capable of.

I don’t even see him nearly flying through the room before I feel him throwing himself against me and sending us both to the hard ground. Having the wind knocked out of me leaves me physically stunned and breathless, being crushed under Sehun’s weight also doesn’t help much.

He’s hugging me.

Sehun is actually hugging me on his own.

I laugh and attempt to wrap my arms around him from my crushed bug position on the ground beneath him.

A huge gust of wind blows through the room.

Maybe he’s just so emotional that he can’t control it.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank y-you.” He’s crying into my shoulder now and I can’t even do anything about it stuck under his weight. I rub at his back, sending Chanyeol and S.O.S signal with my eyes. He walks over to help us both get up off the ground.

Once I’m on my own two feet again I take in a large breath before facing the distraught boy who tackled me to the ground. Chanyeol is holding him by the back of his shirt, and it seems like as soon as he’s let go he’ll tackle me again.

I think he needs to though. For his own sanity.

“Chanyeol,” I sit down on my bed. “is there any way you can go find Luhan and have him come to my room for a bit?” he shoots a pointed look at Sehun. “We’ll be fine.”

He waits a few seconds before letting go of the back of Sehun’s shirt. Seeming like he realized what he had done earlier was a bit out of character he doesn’t run back up to me. Chanyeol gives us a look before going off to do the task I assigned him.

Once the door closes behind Chanyeol, Sehun walks over to my side and sits so close that he is basically pasted at my side. His hand grips around the fabric of my dress.

He’s still shaking.

Throwing caution to the wind, I wrap my arms around his broad shoulders and squeeze him as hard as I can without injuring either of us. He sniffles again and let’s go of my dress only to hold me back.

I feel a mix of relief, sadness, and joy with Sehun squeezing the life out of me right now. Baekhyun still hasn’t returned from the dungeon and I’m glad that Sehun won’t have to suffer through whatever goes on in there. However, this sudden affection is reminding me of Tao.

I _really_ fucking miss Tao.

“Are you…are you okay?” A dumb question on my part.

“No.” he says immediately. Of course he isn’t. I mentally smack myself for asking such a dumb question in the first place, knowing he was going to respond this way.

“Do you…need me to do anything?” he shakes his head and tightens his grip. He’s a liar. I detach myself and push him back by his shoulders. “Sehun…” a heavy tear falls from his eye. I move a hand to his cheek to swipe the tear away with my thumb. His breathing calms only slightly, and even though he’s a mess right now, his makeup is still completely intact. I bite the inside of my cheek. “Let’s get you cleaned up, and then we can go to sleep for the night okay? We’re gonna…move on from everything that’s happened today, and let it go because it’s over.” I remove my hands from his face and shoulder. “Come on.”

Gripping his arm, I walk him to the bathroom and sit him on the couch facing the large vanity. I scan the mess of things and find the small purple vial I’ve used to take of my makeup. I unscrew the top, grab a towel, and walk back over to Sehun. He watches all of my movements with glassy and emotion filled eyes.

It’s the first time he’s been so open about how he’s feeling that it’s almost just as intimidating as when he’s acting indifferent to everything.

I sit beside him, and angle my body towards his. I put the towel down beside me and pour some of the cool liquid from the vial in my palm. I spread it on my fingertips and give Sehun a small smile. “This should get it all off no problem.” I say, pointing to the vial beside me.

I run my fingers across his face and he closes his eyes, relaxing at my touch. I try to keep my movements slow and soft (contrary to how I just slap in on my own face and then scrub it off until my skin feels raw). Once my fingers have touched every part of his face, I pick up the towel. Even without wiping it off I can already see it dissolving the makeup on his face. I grab his chin in my hand and scoot a little closer so that I can pat him down.

I put all of my attention on making sure that I clear his skin of the annoying makeup. His eyes open once more and I give him a gentle closed lipped smile before pulling away. “There. All clean!” I twist my upper body to the side to pour more of the vial’s contents in my hand. “Now, I need to do mine and then we can change and go to bed, yeah?” I rub my hands together and slather my face in the sweet smelling cleaner. I peek open one eye and fold the towel I used on Sehun in half so that I can use the clean half for myself.

“Wait,” I squint at Sehun through my one eye “can…I…can I do it?” I nod and hold the towel out for him. I tuck my legs under myself and close my eyes so that he can have full access to my face.

“You got it.”

I hear him shift, and a second later the feeling of the towel is on my skin. He is doing it even softer than I had with him, but I let him continue on. I feel the gentle puff of air coming from his mouth, and curiosity hits making me wonder how close the guy is to my face for me to be able to feel him breathing. I open my eyes and he freezes where he is, not even 2 inches from my face, with the towel right on my eyebrow.

I blink.

He blinks twice back.

I lift my hand and place a finger on his chest to push him back a bit. He flushes and I cough loudly into my fist. I grab the towel from his hands and swipe it harshly against the uncleaned spaces quickly. I can feel my heart hammering in my chest the longer I think about how close he was to my face, and I don’t think I can continue to breath properly if he has to get that close to clean my face again.

We both change in opposite corners of the closet and make our way to my mattress. He hesitates before sitting a good distance away. I scoot over to his side and give him a look. “Stop being difficult. If you want to sit next to me, you can. I’m not going to force you away. I want to help you out, but I can’t do that if you don’t allow yourself to be comforted.”

“I don’t want to be selfish-”

“It’s not selfish to want to be held every once on a while.” I interrupt. He frowns slightly. “I don’t know what’s going on in your head, so I can’t make you feel better without your help. If you want to be left alone, I’ll leave you alone. If you want me to hug you, I’ll hug you. If you want to talk, I’m all ears. If you just want to be distracted, then I’ll do my best. But I need you to _tell_ me what you want…or at the very least show me.” 

“You don’t-”

“Yah,” I cut him off again. He closes his mouth. I look him dead in the eyes. “Do you want to be left alone for the night?” he shakes his head. “Do you want me to stay with you then?” He nods. “Do you want to talk about it?” he shakes his head again. “Well what can I do to make you feel better?”

He lets out a long breath from his nose.

“If you don’t tell-”

“Can you just,” he pauses “hold me?”

“Is that all?”

“I mean, never mind. I don’t- you don’t, I take it back-” I sit on my knees and wrap my arms around the boy once again. I run my hand through his hair and sit my cheek atop his head. If he just wants to be held, then god dammit I’m going to hold him.

I feel him crying into my shirt silently again, and then gripping it at if it’s his last lifeline. “Go ahead and let it all out. I’m here. I’m right here with you. I told you I’d protect you, I promised.” Quieter to myself I whisper, “I promised.”

Almost an hour passes of me just consoling Sehun with touch, before he calms down again. He ends up lying with his head in my lap, my hands in his hair, by the time Chanyeol finally returns.

“I finally found him, but he was busy…so I came back.” He says tiredly. He looks as though he’s run all around the castle looking for Luhan. I don’t have the heart to tell him that it really wasn’t _that_ urgent.

“It’s fine. I’ll look for him tomorrow.” I feel a sneeze scratching at the back of my nose. I take my hand out of Sehun’s dark hair and hold the crook of my elbow to my nose until the sneeze comes out. “Wow sorry. You should go get changed and cleaned up then come back and sleep with us.” He nods drowsily and treks to my bathroom as if was his own.

I can hear quiet snores coming from Sehun now, and I smile despite the unsettling feeling in my chest. I’ll have to find Luhan first thing tomorrow…after this I definitely know that I can’t tell my Charmers. Not yet at least. At least I have them both here with me tonight; I don’t have to be as scared tonight as I would alone or with only one of them.

I’m still terrified, but I can relax with both of them just around. I pout and run my fingers across Sehun’s cheek. I just hope that he isn’t as broken down tomorrow as he was tonight. I hate seeing him so sad.

I’m sure it will all be better tomorrow.

It has to be.


	33. 31. Mine

 

The sunlight shines brightly on my face, and wakes me up in a way that’s much more pleasant than how I’ve been awoken the last few days. I force my eyes open and blurrily stare up at the high ceiling. I can hear heavy breathing on both sides of me.

Aw how sweet, they’re both still fast asleep.

Would be a shame…if someone were to…I don’t know, _rudely_ shake them awake.

Unfortunately for them, I’m just enough of an asshole to be the person to give them the same treatment they gave me each morning before the parties.

I mentally push passed my abnormal amount of morning haziness and sit up in bed to look at the both of them fully. Chanyeol is uncovered and spread like a starfish on the right side of the bed with his mouth agape and hair ruffled in any and every angle possible. Sehun, on my left, is wrapped up in a good amount of the comforter (explaining now why Chanyeol has no kind of blanket over him) snuggled into himself like a protected burrito.

Ah, yes. They’re sleeping so well.

Sucks that I thoroughly believe that karma is a real bitch. _And so am I._

I toss the covers left on me aside and jump up on the bed. “Wake up assholes! It’s morning timeeee!” I shout at the top of my lungs.

No response.

“It’s time to wakey wakey! Morning time. Morning time. MOR. NING. TIME.” I jump on top of the blanket covered Sehun first, who only lets out a long groan in dissatisfaction. “Get up! Get up! Get up!” I bounce around and on him until he pushes me off. Way harder than I thought his noodle arms were capable of. I fall backwards and land harshly on Chanyeol who only rolls away and curls into a ball on the other end of the bed.

I frown at the lack of response given by the boys. Fine. They can rest for longer _this time_. I push my now injured body off the bed and let out a whine as I rub at my side. Fucking bony ass guys. Fucking nearly stabbing me in the side with his bones. I trudge angrily to the closet where I change into comfortable clothes to walk around.

I’m able to leave the room without either of them waking up any further, and honestly it pisses me off just a bit. How can they just sleep through being shaken like that? If they hadn’t been making noises and moving around I would have thought that they were dead.

I make my way through the castle halls, and it’s a fucking mess. There is food and trash and liquids all over the place. The stains on the walls and the messes on the floor are going to be a _bitch_ to clean up. I feel bad for whoever is going to have to clean this.

I dodge trash as if it’s going to come alive and bite me, and walk directly to the Queen’s room.

It only takes 3 raps on the door for her to answer.

Her hair sticks up in all kinds of different angles, and she looks absolutely exhausted. I begin to feel bad for waking her up.

“I’m so sorry for waking you up, I’ll come back late-”

“No go ahead. What is it little one?”

I take in a breath and lift my head confidently. “I really need to see Luhan right now. I erm…” I deflate slightly and feel my face heating up at the lie. “I wanted him last night but he was busy, so I uh wanted to _see_ him before he leaves.” I lean forward hoping that she catches on to my not so subtle meaning.

A yawn escapes her. “He left late last night, sorry baby. I’ll make sure that you get to see him again next time, okay?” Her hand plops atop my head as she rubs it uncoordinatedly. I try to hide my frown as she closes her bedroom door.

He left? I huff out loud.

What happened to the whole ‘I’ll come see you whenever I can’ bullshit that he was spouting a few days ago? I trudge back to my room angrily and pace around outside of my door. Even though they both seem to be heavy sleepers, I no longer want to wake the two Charmers resting in my bed.

I need to talk to Luhan. Desperately. Like as soon as fucking possible. Holding in the details of the event of the party is starting to make me feel even more nervous. Either he or Kris needs to know about this like… _now_.

Since Luhan is gone I don’t know how to reach him though. He won’t be back until the next party, which could be in a while. The only way I could reach either of them is if I were to suddenly just show up at the house in the 2nd ring.

Wait.

I stop pacing in the empty hall. Jongin. I can get Jongin to take me to the house!

An unsettling feeling lands in my stomach at the thought of sneaking out without Solar knowing. But, wasn’t this my job in the first place? I was supposed to be reporting to Kris anyway…

Even if that meant going behind Solar’s back…

I have to do this. If those guys come back for me then _someone_ has to know right? I can’t tell Solar and I can’t tell Sehun or Chanyeol. I’ll just be locked up here. I hate being locked up just enough to jeopardize my safety to avoid it.

I reach my decision and open my bedroom’s doors determined. I pad over to the window ledge that has become my unofficial thinking spot.

I have to find Jongin and figure out a way to sneak out of the castle without any of the royals noticing. I have to escape for at least an hour without Solar or anyone thinking anything of it. A headache rises at the sudden amount of pressure I’ve put upon myself. I rub at my temples annoyed at myself for putting myself in this situation.

Shuffling sounds from the middle of the room, and I pause in massaging my head. From my spot I can see Sehun shifting in his spot and patting the space in bed next to him. The spot where I was lying. He groans and sits up lethargically. Eyes barely open, he scans the room. He notices me by the window, and he rubs his eyes adorably.

I stifle a laugh at the grabby hands he makes in my direction. I shake my head just to upset him, and he whines before _actually_ getting up out of the bed. I watch in surprise as he stumbles over to my windowsill and positions himself atop me with his head in my lap.

 I hear the sound of his breathing slow and I know that he’s fallen right back to sleep. Stunned I stare down at his sleeping figure as he snuggles further into my thighs.

I’m stuck here until this fucker wakes back up.

Even though I know my legs are going to fall asleep within the next half hour like this, I sigh contentedly. I card my fingers through his hair and let him catch up on his sleep in my lap.

* * *

 

Later in the day, the three of us find ourselves relaxing in the, now clean, game room. Wanting to prove to me his ability to play, Chanyeol settles right at the black grand piano and begins to play a soft and slow tune.

Meanwhile, somehow I’ve ended up with Sehun sitting under me. After last night, the usually indifferent guy had gotten inexplicably clingy. Clingy as in I can’t move without Sehun being attached at my side. Clingy as in he might just be giving Tao a run for his money.

When we all came to the room, and I was immediately pulled in his lap (to both my and Chanyeol’s surprise) I had told him to let me go so I could sit on my own. However, he had other plans and kept me locked in my spot in his lap with his head leaning on my shoulder. I only halfheartedly pulled away since I was kind of missing receiving physical attention.

Chanyeol starts to play a new song, and I’ve never seen him so focused as he seems to be at the instrument; I listen calmly as the notes fill my ears. I try to keep my attention on the music, but Sehun’s breath against my neck becomes a bit of a distraction. The rhythmic warm puffs tickle my neck with each breath he takes.

“Why are you still holding me?” I ask, trying for the third time to get him to release me.

“I’m not holding you.” He says as though he believes it to be true.

“You are very _clearly_ holding me right now.”

He pauses, and I can almost _feel_ him furrowing his eyebrows in denial. “Shut up.”

I chuckle and leave the conversation at that. Trying to ignore the feeling of his breath and lips ghosting over my neck, I tune in to Chanyeol’s gentle playing. I attempt to hum to the tune that he has going, and he shoots a grin in my direction.

I smile back and weakly continue to hum along.

He goes back to putting his attention on the piano keys, and I close my eyes trying to enjoy the music. The sound of the music filling the large room mixed with Sehun’s body heat and breath enveloping me makes me feel as though I’ve reached the ultimate state of peace.

I could die right now and be totally happy.

Or,

So I assumed.

At first I think that it is accidental, but then as the slight pressure on my neck continues to appear and then leave I know that it’s definitely intentional. I tense at the realization.

Sehun is kissing my neck.

I shift in his lap, “Yah, what are you _doing_?” I hiss while trying to make sure that Chanyeol isn’t paying attention to us. The male under me doesn’t respond, but the small kisses intensify in both frequency and pressure.

It’s not the only thing that seems to be pressing in to me now either.

Blood rushes to my ears. What the _fuck_ is up with him right now?! “Dude…” I whisper harshly. I feel his small smile when his lips stop on my neck.

“You had no problem with it when I was sleeping.” He says arrogantly.

I grip one of his forearms that are wrapped around my waist. He was awake!? “Jesus fucking…” his hips roll up from beneath me; I turn my head around to glare at him. “You were _awake_?”

“Only for a little while.” Comes his breathy reply. My body is starting to react way too openly to this right now, and I really, _really_ need it to stop. 

“Chanyeol is ri-right there.” I stutter when he juts up shallowly against my clothed ass. He pauses at my observation (or maybe it’s a scape goat) and presses his face against my back. He lets out such a _desperate_ whine that I almost feel bad for stopping him, because it’s not hurting me and he is just so needy for affection right now. I don’t know if he’s mistaking physical release with affection, but who am I to tell him how to live his life?

He continues to squirm beneath me in an attempt to subtly find more friction. God, what did I do to deserve this?

The piano stops playing.

Fuck.

“I don’t know what else to play.” Chanyeol says while looking down at the keys thoughtfully.

“Play your favorite song!” I say loudly. He jumps in his spot and looks at me with furrowed brows.

“My favorite song?” he asks, seemingly oblivious to the moving boy beneath me. I feel Sehun humming against my shirt as his gyrations begin to become less subtle. I bite the inside of my cheek to hold back any of my own sounds and settle for nodding eagerly in Chanyeol’s direction. “Mm okay.” He places his fingers against the piano and fills the empty room with music once again. He plays the song loudly and confidently, and I let out a shaky breath.

I really need to get up. Before we’re caught, and because this is wrong.

This _is_ wrong isn’t it?

I make a move to stand up, but his hold only tightens. “ _Please_ ”, he whines. I don’t even know how to react to this. This is too much to handle, but fuck it feels nice.

I release another breath that is a mix between a sigh and a repressed moan of my own before relaxing in his arms and leaning back against him.

I place my hands over his to keep them in place and from wandering to locations where they shouldn’t (because we have to have some kind of decency right?). It doesn’t take much more of him grinding up against me before he comes with a substantial sigh into my shirt. My heart thuds heavily in my chest even though I didn’t even _do_ anything.

Despite his soiled pants and my similarly soiled self-respect, he snuggles even closer to me to place one more soft kiss right behind my ear. I blink and weakly try to focus back on Chanyeol’s playing.

Ever so quietly, I can hear him mutter a firm, “Mine” under his breath.

Fuck.

* * *

 

“I’m terrible at this.”

“No one is good their first time.”

“Yeah, but I’m really bad at this. I’m never going to get the hang of it.” I grumble. I remove my fingers from the guitar strings and let them rest on my lap pathetically. I don’t have the fingers or hand coordination to play the fucking guitar. “Who’s idea was this anyway?”

“Yours.”

“Oh…” I laugh nervously. “You’re right.” I wrinkle my nose and Chanyeol laughs before putting aside his own guitar and shifting closer to me on my bed.

I thought learning how to play an instrument would be fun. Chanyeol makes it look so cool, and when he showed that he knows how to play the guitar as well, I suggested that he teach me how to play it.

He leans forward and grabs my hand to put it back over the strings. He grabs my other hand and adjusts my fingers at the top of the guitar.

“Here, I’ll put your fingers in the right place, and then you can strum.” Letting him position my hands as he wants I watch his face curiously. He went over what everything was called, but to be honest I wasn’t listening at all. I tried to. I really did. But it was so hard to focus on what he was actually saying when he looked so happy talking about it all. I couldn’t stop myself from admiring his expressions and the brightness in his eyes as he talked about something that he obviously loves.

I’m definitely getting more instruments put into my room so that I can see him this happy more often.

“Yah,” I blink and realize that I started staring at him yet again. “Did you hear anything I just said?” I shake my head honestly, and he smiles softly before removing his hands from mine and placing them in his own lap. “Try to strum.” He instructs. I set my mouth into a line.

“Uh…how?”

He shuffles a bit closer, and I hold my breath. His hand finds itself atop mine again and he keeps his eyes on the guitar as he guides my hand to strum against the strings. A smooth note comes out.

“Whoa.”

“See you can do it.”

“Only if you’re holding my hands the entire time.”

“I will if you want me…”

I look at him and he turns away not even a second after making eye contact. Shit, why is my stomach flipping?

The door to my room opens with a slam. Both of us jump apart, and face the new body in the room.

And guess who stands in the doorway with a straight face and crossed arms?

You guessed it, Sehun.

The thing about today’s lesson is that we didn’t tell Sehun. We would have told him, but lately he’s been _very_ dependent and possessive. So much so that even Chanyeol had finally noticed after a day or two of him keeping me close to himself. We didn’t tell the younger about the lessons because we both know how he gets these days when I’m giving too much attention to just Chanyeol, and we wouldn’t have gotten anything done with Sehun trying to monopolize me. I was willing to give it to him most of the time, but I didn’t want to neglect Chanyeol in the process.

“What are you guys doing?” he asks as he walks in and closes the door behind him. I can hear the slight annoyance in his voice even though his face appears uninterested.

“Guitar lessons.” I say simply.

“Why didn’t you ask me for lessons?” he asks now with a slight pout.

I furrow my brows. “Because you don’t know how to play…”

He stops at the foot of the bed next to us. “Valid point.” Apparently understanding of the reasoning behind him not being invited as my instructor, he sits on the bed next to me. Chanyeol scoots back to his own guitar and settles it in his lap so that he can play comfortably.

“Can you make up a song on the spot?” I ask Chanyeol.

“Maybe…I could try.”

“Do it. I’ll make lyrics to it.” Chanyeol brightens and sits up straighter in his spot. Sehun watches silently. A few notes are played in succession, and then he repeats it. I listen and try to get a grasp of the beat. “I’m not going to sing, I’m gonna rap okay?”

“Go for it.” Chanyeol laughs out. I clear my throat and bob along to the music.

“Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo.”

“Wow.”

“Shut up, I got this.” I clear my throat, and point to Chanyeol’s hair. “Yo, Chanyeol has red hair, but I’m starting to see black right there. Looks like he needs to re-dye, looks like we got some tie dye.” He stops playing as his laughs take over his ability to function. I laugh along with him at my entirely unimpressive rhyming skills.

“What the hell was that?!” Chanyeol guffaws.

“I’m _trying_ okay!?”

Sehun huffs and stands up off the bed to walk around the room. I sigh and turn my attention back to the guitarist in front of me. He continues to make noises and trudge around the room for a good 5 minutes after Chanyeol and I go back to ‘writing our song’, and as hard as I try to ignore Sehun, I can’t get myself to let him pout to himself.

“Sehun what’s wrong?” I finally turn to look at him patiently. He stops pacing to give me a shocked stare as if he actually thought I would ignore him for longer.

“I uhm…I need help.” I know he’s just making this up, and he is just looking for an excuse to be the center of my attention once more.

“With what?” Slight panic flashes across his face before he looks around the room.

“I don’t know how to draw!” I frown. “Can you teach me…please?” I glance over at Chanyeol to see him running his fingers over the wood of the guitar and rolling his eyes.

“Sure. I can actually teach you both. Chanyeol, how about it?” said boy looks back up with wide eyes and points to himself.

“Me too?”

“Um no-” I glare at Sehun to keep him from finishing whatever it is that he wants to say. We are going to do this all together, and he is not allowed to complain and take me for himself.

“Of course. We’ll have a drawing lesson.” I smile at Chanyeol and turn to give a pointed look at Sehun. “All of us.”

I jump off the bed and run to the book shelf where I know there is paper and pencils. On a shelf below the old books there are hella drawing utensils and supplies. I grab a good amount of paper, and a handful of colored and regular pencils. I flop down on the ground, stomach first, near the unlit fireplace and couch, and spread the papers and stuff around me.

The boys make their way over and settle across from me and fold their legs under them.

“How do we…”

“Uh…” I grab a pencil. “I don’t really have any tips or tricks. You just kind of grab a pencil and draw what you feel.” The confused expressions on their faces is enough to inform me of their lack of experience with drawing. “Have you guys never…?”

Sehun shakes his head for the both of them. I hum.

“Okay, well first pick up a pencil.” They both follow easily. “Now, picture something in your head. Something easy, something you like, I don’t know. Just any tangible object. That’s probably easier than drawing how you feel.”

I put my pencil to paper and start to sketch out a lake with a waterfall. It’s not great, but it’s distinguishable.

“I don’t know how to do this.” I look up from my drawing to see Sehun struggling to hold his pencil, mouth open in concentration. I don’t know if he’s pretending or not, but he looks so damn lost and so damn cute I have to help him. I wave him over. He eagerly shuffles to my side and lies on his stomach beside me.

I take his hand in my own and position the pencil correctly, before guiding his hand to the paper. From the corner of my eye I can see him looking more at me than at his hand, but he’s trying (and failing) to be subtle about it. As soon as I let go of his hand, he dramatically fumbles the pencil and lets it land to the ground.

“Really?” I ask with a raised brow. He smiles so that his eyes shrink in response. I shake my head and repeat what I did before, this time making him draw a circle. “I’m not going to draw for you. Stop staring at me, and do it yourself Sehun.” I say without looking up from his paper. His hand grabs the pencil a bit harder, and when I look at his face a pink is evident at him having been caught staring.

He looks at his paper embarrassed and I chuckle to myself. Chanyeol is concentrating hard as fuck on whatever he’s doodling, so I go back to finishing my little lake area. I add some grass and a few clouds in the sky before signing my name at the bottom.

“Okay. Let’s have a show and tell. I’ll go first!” I sit up and hold my paper to my chest to hide my drawing while they sit up and do the same. I flip it around. “Ta-da. It’s a lake…and a waterfall. I don’t really like water…but it’s fun to draw them and they’re calming to look at when you aren’t…in it or drowning…” I push away the thoughts of death and plaster on a smile. “What did you guys draw?”

Chanyeol flips around his paper, and I see what looks like a tree?? Or maybe its…an animal? “I drew you!” I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from bursting out in laughter. He tried. It’s a shit portrait, but he really tried and that’s what mattered.

“Whoa it’s so nice. I like the colors you chose.” I remember having to pretend to like the drawings the boys in the 3rd ring would draw; this feels so familiar. I turn to Sehun at my side. “What did you draw?”

“Uhm…never mind.” He holds the sheet closer to himself.

“Oh come on. I want to see it. Please? Pretty please?” I make grabby hands in his direction. I can see his resistance fading quickly, and for once I’m thankful for the flip in his personality after the final day of the party last week. He weakly holds it out face down, and I take it from him with both hands.

A sincere smile stretches across my cheeks at the drawing.

“I uh…I drew you too.” He says quietly. I look at both of the drawings in my lap and almost feel the urge to cry. They’re about as bad as a 5-year-old’s drawings, but they both drew me as their first drawing and my heart tugs at that.

“I love them.” I say with a laugh. I look both of them in the eyes before looking back at the drawings. “I love both of these.”

“Really?!” Sehun asks incredulously. I nod.

“Yes. They’re beautiful…and they were drawn by you so I love them.”


	34. 32. Bad Decisions

 

“Good afternoon Kyungsoo.”

“Hello.” Thank goodness he dropped that whole ‘mistress’ thing. Chanyeol, Sehun and I sit at the long counter in the kitchen. We had come down to find something to eat for lunch and luckily Kyungsoo was in here to greet us. The castle is far calmer than it was, and as clean as if the party never happened. The halls are empty save for the few Charmer servants that are milling around and doing whatever jobs that they seem to be constantly doing in the shadows. I see none of the humans anywhere...where have they gone? Solar is in the city over, talking to a few of her advisors, and I know that she won’t be back for at least a few more hours.

“Do you happen to know where Jongin is?” I lean my face against my palm. I haven’t seen the guy since…since I saw him perform at the party perhaps? I don’t even fucking know. It’s been a long ass time and I need to ask him for a favor.

“Not yet, but…” he looks at the time projected on the wall. “He usually comes here around this time to talk, so he should be here any minute now.”

“As I expected.” I turn to Chanyeol on my left. “You decide on lunch today.”

“Why not me?”

“You chose breakfast, and dinner last night.” Sehun frowns even though what I said was nothing but the truth.

“Chanyeol never chooses good food though.” He mumbles.

“Kyungsoo, what do you suggest? What would you eat for lunch today?” I ask the wide eyed male in front of me.

“Um well we got a bunch of beef in this morning, so maybe something beef related. It’s really fresh.” He says.

“That sounds delicious. We’ll eat steak then, and Sehun can have a single sausage.” Chanyeol chimes in with a wide grin.

“You’re a mean person.”

“I agree with Sehun, also steak isn’t lunch food and sausage is usually pork?”

“Doesn’t matter. As long as Sehun gets the shitty food I’m happy.” Chanyeol’s arms slinks around my waist and I let out a yelp of surprise.

“Uh…” the attention in the room shifts to the doorway where Jongin has actually _walked_ into the room. I’m actually not use to seeing him enter a room on his feet as opposed to teleporting in out of nowhere. I jump away from Chanyeol and run up to Jongin to put my hands on his cheeks.

“Jongin!” he smiles. Finally I can get him to take me to see Kris, Luhan, and Tao. I get on my toes so that I’m right beside his ear. “I need you to take me to the 2nd ring.” I whisper. He pulls away harshly and gives me a look full of such shock and almost horror that I recoil in fear.

Maybe I shouldn’t have just thrown it out at him like that. He frowns and pushes me back over to the group of boys who are looking at us concerned.

“What are you _saying_?” Jongin hisses. I take in a deep breath and lift my head high.

“I need you to take me to the 2nd ring. You don’t have any reason to freak out. It’s Sunday, all of the royals are in town shopping, and the Queen is gone for a few hours. I’m almost _always_ the only girl here on Sundays.”

Chanyeol nods at my side. “She’s not wrong…”

I motion towards the tallest in the room. “See!”

“Why do you need to go back?” Kyungsoo’s smooth voice inquires. I look away from Jongin to face Kyungsoo.

“I need to speak with Luhan about something. He left too early after the party, and something came up.”

Sehun jumps in next. “Are you leaving?!”

“No,” I shake my head quickly. “No I’m not leaving. It’s not that, it’s just…I have something I need to tell him about and I don’t want you guys to have to get involved if you don’t have to. Jongin,” he crosses his arms over his chest “, please take me. I only need an hour. I promise that’ll I’ll be in and out. I won’t let you get caught; I’ll kill _myself_ before allowing you to get hurt because of me.” I clasp my hands together. “Please, Jongin…” I grab the front of his shirt “ _Please_ …”

I can feel my desperation rolling off in waves, and I hope that somehow, someway he can feel how badly I need to do this. My fucking life might be on the line, but I can’t just tell them that. They’ll freak the fuck out and that is the _last_ thing I need. I just want to talk to Luhan and Kris so that they can help me work this out.

“Fine.” Jongin pries my hands off his shirt. “I’ll take you. But we are only staying for an hour.”

“That’s more than enough! Thank you, thank you. You don’t understand-”

“I’m going with you.” Sehun stands up from his chair. I give him a confused frown. “One of us has to go with you in case anyone finds out that you left. I can take the blame, and Chanyeol can stall.”

“Sehun you don’t have to-”

“No, I’m going.”

“I agree with Sehun.” Chanyeol says solemnly. “I don’t know why you seem so frantic, but I trust you. So hurry and come back.” Kyungsoo wordlessly nods along before supplying, “We’ll cover up if anything happens.”

I smile sadly at the two of them. I didn’t mean to get all of them involved in this. Now, I’m worried about their safety. I just wanted to be in and out. I didn’t want them to have to be at risk as well.

Sehun grabs one of my hands, and Jongin grabs the other. I let out a breath and give the others in the room a solemn smile. “I’ll be back soon. Everything is going to be fine. I promise.”

With that, Jongin teleports the three of us out of the castle. I close my eyes as the air changes and the feeling of carpet replaces the hard floor beneath my shoes. When I reopen my eyes, we’re standing directly in the middle of my room in the 2nd ring.

I let go of both of their hands and look around the room in amazement. I’m back.

I’m actually back.

My chest feels tight. The room is entirely unchanged. My bed is unmade from before, and the memory of getting up and getting dressed to Tao lying in it flashes in my mind. A hand links with mine once more, and Sehun gives me a reassuring smile. He seems even more nervous than I am.

“I’ll go look for Luhan downstairs.” Jongin says quietly. I nod and watch him leave. Without hesitation I walk hand in hand with Sehun across the hall to Tao’s room. He isn’t in there, and my stomach drops.

What if he isn’t here at all anymore?

A loud crash comes from downstairs, followed by a string of curses. Sehun and I share a look before I lead him down the stairs and right into the kitchen. Kris is holding a pan in his hand like a bat, and it looks as though he is 2 seconds from smacking Jongin with it. I can only assume Kris was startled by Jongin and his ‘poofing’. Luhan and Tao stare in bemusement.

“Um…” the entire room freezes at my almost inaudible sound. I shuffle further into the kitchen out of the shadows, and Sehun shyly holds my hand from behind me. Kris’s eyes widen and the pan drops to the floor with a loud bang.

Tao jumps up from his seat not a second later, “June!” In the blink of an eye he closes the distance from the couch to me and gathers me in a bone crushing hug. I cough softly as all of the air is forced out of my body. An enormous wave of emotion floods me and before I know it, I’m crying in his arms.

I didn’t mean to breakdown.

Once I’m let go he cradles my face in his hands and messily smashes his mouth to mine. I smile against his familiar lips and push him off playfully. I swipe at my wet cheeks and laugh ruefully. His smile is so bright and I feel as though every problem I’ve ever had is vanishing with him here in front of me again.

“You don’t have to shove your tongue down my throat to show that you missed me Tao.” He laughs and pulls me into another comforting hug. I _really_ missed this. I’m pulled from him into another set of arms.

Kris.

The tears start to flow yet again.

“What are you _doing_ here?!” he squeezes me tighter. “You shouldn’t be here. How did you get away? Does anyone know you’re gone?” I laugh against his chest at the shower of affection and the joy in their voices. I missed this.

I missed this so much.

Kris holds me at arm’s length and scans my face worriedly. “You’re okay, right? You’re not hurt or anything?” I shake my head and sniffle with a smile. I’m neither okay, nor hurt, but that’s what I’m here for.

“Who’s this kid?” I hear. I turn and watch as Tao glares at Sehun, and then smacks away the hand Sehun still managed to have on the back of my shirt.

“Who are _you_?” Sehun shoots back.

“I’m her best friend, now who the _fuck_ are you-”

“Wow okay let’s calm down. Tao, this is Sehun. Sehun, this is Tao.” The glaring intensifies between the two of them.

“Why was he holding your hand?”

“Because he likes holding my hand.” I tell Tao.

“No I don’t.” Sehun denies.

“Okay well why were you holding my hand?”

“Because you like holding _my_ hand.” He has a point. I do, but he usually starts it. I roll my eyes anyway at his defiance. He always acts as though he isn’t the one to initiate contact. Weirdo. “You look like burnt toast.” Sehun mutters to Tao.

“You look like an overcooked noodle.” Tao throws back.

“Ass face.”

“Fuck bucket.”

“Shit eater.”

“Unwashed anal bead.” I groan as the bickering only intensifies. I thought the two of them would get along. They’re more alike than they think, but maybe it’ll take some time...

“This is sweet and everything but we’re on a tight schedule.” Jongin cuts in. The name calling pauses. “She has something she came here to say.” I nod along and I glance over at Luhan who hasn’t made any move to welcome me. I feel guilt and excitement and shame all at the same time. Kris attempts to calm the arguing between Tao and Sehun, and Jongin watches in quiet amusement.

I walk away and settle myself beside Luhan on the couch. I smile and hug him briefly before forcing myself away. “Why…uh why’d you leave so soon?” I whisper to him.

“I had to get back. I’m sorry I didn’t see you more often I was-”

“No I know.” I interrupt. “I uh…I saw.” He avoids my eyes, so I place a hand on his shoulder. “It’s fine. You were doing your job; I’m not upset or anything.” I assure him. The others enter the room, and Sehun squeezes between Luhan and I before Tao can (knowing that he would). Luhan only laughs.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you Sehun.” Sehun smiles and rests his hand on my forearm while everyone else settles down.

I clear my throat to get their attention. “I have news.” I start. I’m going to just cut to the chase. Everyone listens intently, and I take in a breath before saying what I’ve been holding in for what feels like forever. “I was…almost kidnapped the other day at the party.” As expected, gaps fill the entire room and then they all burst out into shouting and exclamations. I knew this was going to happen because they’re all overly dramatic ass hoes, and boy they need to learn to calm the fuck down. “As you can see,” I start again loudly “, I’m fine. But they said that they’re going to come back for me. I don’t know what they want and I don’t know what they know, but just in case they manage to take me…I wanted you guys to know.” I look pointedly at Kris, Luhan, and then Tao.

Jongin stands suddenly. “Why didn’t you tell us this?! You’re just calmly going to announce this like it’s no big deal?! What the fuck?” _whoa, language_.

“I _knew_ something was wrong, how could you keep something like this from us? What if they had gotten to you before we came here? Then what? Then what June?!” Sehun jumps in just as angrily as Jongin. I sigh.

“I didn’t tell you guys because I didn’t want you guys to worry like you’re doing right now. I…they gave me a book a while ago and it had some pictures…”

“Pictures of what?” Tao asks calmly.

I look at the boys around me. “Of…you guys.” I murmur.

“Okay?” Kris leans forward with furrowed brows. “We don’t care about photos.”

“No you don’t understand. There were photos…of you hurt. You guys were all really hurt in the pictures. Bleeding and chained up hurt.” I whisper the last part, and look away before I can see the recognition in any of their eyes. “I didn’t- I was afraid to tell you guys because I didn’t want you guys to know I saw pictures of you all like that. So I kept it to myself and then the guys cornered me at the party and told me they put the book there. I didn’t know how they got them or if they planned on hurting you guys too so I just…didn’t bring it up.”

The room is silent as they take in all that I’ve said. I don’t know what they’re thinking about. Maybe the pictures that I could have seen. Maybe the people who almost kidnapped me. Tao is the first to speak back up.

“How did you get away?”

“Chanyeol came looking for me. They said they’d see me soon right before vanishing. I went and stayed with Chanyeol for the rest of the night after that.” The room is tense, and I know that everyone in the room is a ticking time bomb at this point.

Luhan is the next to talk. “It doesn’t matter what you saw. You still should have told us as soon as it happened!” his tone is a bit too brutal for my liking.

“I was going to tell _you_ but you were busy and then you left.” I growl out angrily. He has no right to get mad at me when I was just trying to think about them. Kris looks at Sehun.

“You and Chanyeol need to watch her twice as hard. We don’t know when they’re going to strike again, and we don’t know what they want. Stay with her 24/7.” He says firmly. Sehun nods.

Jongin adds, “I’ll try to watch her as often as I can as well.”

I scoff. “This isn’t necessary. I don’t want to be suffocated just because someone is looking for me. I’ve been doing fine defending myself so far I don’t see why you all are treating me like I’m some kind of defenseless child-”

Kris stands. “Did you stop to think that they just haven’t _tried_ to come get you yet? You don’t _know_ that you can defend yourself. They sound like Charmers, and your fucking life is in danger. I don’t care how well you _think_ you can take care of yourself, you still need to be protected. You are still just a defenseless little girl, and you will _die_ if you don’t have someone there for you.”

Defenseless little girl?

I stand up fuming now. This is what I get for trying to think about their wellbeing? Everyone attacking me and treating me as if I’m a child who just inconvenienced them with a deed I thought was good? Fuck this. Fuck all of them.

My anger amplifies. “Why are you so worried about my life all of a sudden? You didn’t care about this when you first told me to go into the castle. You knew what you were getting me into, but you still wanted me to. You only care about saving the Charmers and your friends, you don’t give a shit about me outside of the fact that I’m here to serve your own selfish purposes. At least the Queen actually cares about me!” a part of me (far far back in my consciousness at this point) knows that he only thought that a long time ago. I know that he cares about me now, and genuinely worries about my safety. But I can’t stop the words from leaving my mouth. The anger came out of nowhere, and I don’t know how to stop it.

It won’t go away.

Finally, Luhan stands and walks over to put a hand on my shoulder. “June…” I smack his hand away. The others stare in shock at the slight act of violence.

“No, Luhan. Don’t you dare try and calm me down. Don’t you fucking touch me. I needed you in there! I _needed_ you. You said you’d come find me, but you didn’t! I wanted to confide in you but you were too busy being an overused fuck toy in the castl-” his hand makes contact with my cheek. **Hard**.

I close my eyes and my mouth hangs open in surprise.

“Luhan!”

“June!”

Tao and Jongin call out our names at the same time. Jongin pulls me backwards, and Tao holds on to Luhan.

“Who the _fuck_ do you think you are to come in here and yell at us like this? We’re worried about your fucking safety and this is how you respond?” he shouts. My eyes water as the adrenaline from all of the shouting and fighting keeps building up in my body. I’ve been humiliated in front of all of them.

“Take me back.” I hiss.

“What?” Jongin asks.

I turn around in his arms with watery eyes. “I said take me back, _now_.” I whip around to face Luhan again. He scowls.

“Go back. You fucking deserve to be there. Looks like you’re just like the rest of them. You’re a _bitch_.”

“TAKE ME BACK!” I scream loud enough to strain my throat. I clench my fists so hard that I’m almost sure I’ll break a vessel in my palm. Sehun walks over to our side, and instead of grabbing on to me, he grips Jongin’s arm. Jongin squeezes my shoulders and I look away from the boys I was so happy to see 20 minutes ago.

This was a bad idea.

I should have never told them.

We end up in my room in the castle, and Jongin takes Sehun away as soon as we arrive. I’m still _beyond_ seething. How could they treat me like this? I didn’t even want to be here at first. I know how to fucking take care of myself. I’ve been doing it for fucking years.

I don’t need them.

I’ve never needed _anyone_.

The anger is way more out of control than it needs to be, and I know the stuff I said was out of line and made them probably hate me again, but I don’t care. I don’t blame them. I’m a shit person, and now they know it even better.

I pace around my room angrily. I can’t even begin to try and control my wild emotions. In the back of my mind I know they’re severely out of control, but I need this. I need this time to just be angry.

At myself.

At _everyone_.

I hear a door creak open. My front door is still closed tightly. I turn to see the closet door inching open, and I can only gape as a familiar face emerges.

“We meet again, little Miss June.”

_Fuck_.


	35. 33. The Burden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'll be updating again on Friday; I forgot to put these two up on Thanksgiving, so here you go late and a double update lol

 

An evil lair.

I never thought I’d ever actually live to see one. Especially not one so stereotypically designed like one.

At least, I think that I’m in an evil lair. The room is entirely unfamiliar, and it’s full of dark red and blacks. From the furniture, to the walls, to the floor. It’s almost too difficult to pick out where the floor begins and the walls end. I can’t even tell if it’s day or night through the heavily tinted window, nor can I figure out how long I’ve been in here.

A long metal table sits idly not far from where I am slumped on this chair. It’s inclined slightly, and I’m unsure as to whether it’s a place for eating, or a place for a person to lie on. Whatever its purpose, it doesn’t look like it’s a spot for relaxing.

I groan as my head begins to pound in pain.

Was I knocked out? My body feels heavy enough that I can assume I suffered some kind of physical toll. I stick my tongue out to wet my severely chapped lips, and taste the distinct flavor of blood.

My own I hope.

I let my head lull forward and on my light colored shirt I see small dried red stains. I must have blood still on my face. I reach up to wipe at my chin only to be held back by some kind of restraint.

I’m tied up.

_Of course_.

I huff in annoyance. I’m a dumbass. I am such a _dumbass_.

I relax against the chair and my restraints. How the fuck did I get here again?

Oh right.

I was pacing around my room when the short guy from the party came out of my closet. To say I was officially scared shitless would be a huge understatement. I was backing away when Jongin came back into my room…or so I thought. I ran over to ‘Jongin’ and he grabbed onto my shoulders before glaring at the short guy and asking who he was.

The dude said something like…I am the night, the fear in your heart, your very own personal hell or some shit like that and then Jongin laughed. He laughed and started having a casual conversation with one of my almost kidnappers as if they were lifelong friends. That’s when I knew it couldn’t have been him.

As soon as I tried to pull away I was held tighter, and the shorter came up to me and punched me right in the face.

That’s when I blacked out.

Ah yes, that explains the headache…and the bleeding.

Stupid. Stupid. I am the stupidest fucking person on the planet, I ran right into my kidnapper’s arms after having _just_ talked to everyone about the previous attempt. Now, after that argument, I’m sure no one is going to come and look for me. Since time has passed and my previous anger has gone away, I realize just how much I’ve fucked up.

And just how much I deserved to be hit.

I don’t know what got into me back there, but whatever it was, was something way beyond my experience. I’ve never had to deal with anger so sudden and so extreme that I’ve actually lashed out at others that I consider close to me. I groan louder this time, not giving a single fuck as to whether or not someone dangerous could hear me. If I’m going to die, let them kill me. I fucking deserve it.

I scan the room once again in hopes of figuring out some kind of escape route. I’ve never been very good at looking for ways out of things, but I’m sure a s hell going to try anyway. It feels like I’m in some kind of impenetrable box, and the window is far too high up to reach.

There has got to be a door in the fucking place.

It’s not like I just magically appeared-

Well I take that back. I could have been teleported in. Even so, there should still be some way out outside of magic. Right? Luckily, 2 silver hinges catch my eye.

“Thank fucking god…” I croak out. If not for the hinges, the nearly hidden door that blends _flawlessly_ into the would have been missed. Putting the door like that is a sneaky move, but luckily I’m smarter than people tend to think. I have to get out of here, and that’s the way. I just have to get my arms free and then…

And then I’ll go from there I guess.

I tug against my restraints once more lightly to get a feel for the material or the tightness. It doesn’t give way, and the chair stay firmly in place. When I pull harder, I determine that the chair is built to the ground and wont flip over no matter how hard I shake.

Whatever the material holding me back is, it isn’t rough. It feels mostly like plastic. A really soft plastic that gives way when I’m relaxed and then hardens when it senses my movement. I’m sure it’s some kind of device that isn’t legal. That or it’s someone’s magic. Knowing that it’ll tighten I try different ways of trying to escape.

A quick jerk almost breaks my wrists.

Slowly inching my way up only leads to it stopping me at each pull.

I even try twisting in different directions, but the only result I get is sore wrists, burning skin, and a tired body. I stop trying to free myself so that I can catch my breath. This is a fruitless attempt. I let out another huff and close my eyes in despair.

I’m so fucked.

In the dead silence of the room (outside of my irregular breaths) I hear the sound of fabric brushing against fabric. “You’re finally awake I see.”

Great, now someone has finally come. I pause before reopening my eyes and searching for the source of the voice. It’s a guy with an unfamiliar face. His hair is a reddish brown and he has on a smile that makes him look all to nice compared to the dark aura surrounding the both of us. I frown at the male as he sits on a couch across from me. “You’ve been out for almost a day now; I’m surprised. I was afraid Jonghyun had accidently killed you on the way here.” He says with feigned concern. The innocent smile paired with the not-so-innocent words makes me shiver. Who the hell is this guy? He looks me over once and nods as if suddenly understanding something. “So you’re the wonderful human that everyone has been speaking so highly of-”

“Cut the shit and tell me why you’ve brought me here.” I hiss.

His grin falls. “I’m just here to have a conversation with you. I have some questions, and I have some answers. Depending on how you behave will determine how this goes.”

“Well I’m already chained the fuck up, so I don’t see how I can refuse to sit and listen to what you have to say.” I don’t know where the false confidence is coming from, but as of late it seems as though my anger has had more control over my other emotions. He seems to be only amused by my comments.

“Spunky. I appreciate that.” He laughs. “Minho,” he calls “Untie her and bring her to the main room.” The taller male from the first kidnap attempt comes into the room. Also the one I assume pretended to be Jongin. Minho. The shapeshifter. The man with the creepily innocent smile stands from his chair and leaves the room while my hands are freed from what held them back.

I limply let Minho carry me out of the room over his shoulder. “I’m surprised you aren’t struggling.” He observes.

“I don’t see the use. I assume I’m trapped here even if I do struggle. I don’t have powers to fight back, so why waste my energy?” And I’ve already embraced the idea of my impending death. Once you come to terms with it, nothing is that scary any more. At this point, I’m 87% sure I’m not leaving this place alive. Might as well be an asshole up until I reach my grave.

He chuckles, “You’re smart.”

I sigh and mumble under my breath, “Not smart enough since I’m still here.”

We reach a larger room with no color other than a bland grey. I’m put in a metal chair this time, and my ankles are snapped to the chair with a thick band of metal. Looks like I definitely won’t be going anywhere.

4 men stand in front of me. The three I’ve met plus one other who looks a lot like Jongin. What the fuck? I narrow my eyes at the fourth.

“I’m not Kai.” He says briskly. I sit back in my chair in shock. Whoa, how did he know I was thinking that? “I know because you’re basically shouting it in your mind.”

“You read minds?” I ask curiously. He hums in confirmation and crosses his arms over his chest. I look at the one I learned is named Minho, “You can change how you look.” he nods. I glare at the shorter from both meetings. “And you’re…fast?” I tilt my head slightly and recall how quickly he moved in the times we met. The last of the four smiles at my observations.

“You are quite an interesting one.” He steps forward and puts his hands behind his back. “June…June, June, June. Ah, I’ve been looking forward to this moment.” I press my lips together in a line while he lessens the distance between us. “I want to know what _you_ know about the Queen.”

I quirk a brow. What I know about the Queen? “Excuse me?” I laugh soullessly. “You kidnapped me to tell you about the Queen when you could have just…I don’t know _Google_ everything there is to know about her?” I scoff loudly. “You could have talked to literally anyone in the castle, but you’re asking…me?” I don’t believe this bullshit. I laugh again, and the speedy Charmer steps forward only to be held back by Jongin’s lookalike.

“This little-”

“She doesn’t know anything that you don’t already know.” Jongin’s lookalike says while staring at me intently.

“Get out of my head you clone.” I bite. He chuckles.

The obvious leader of them squats in front of me and searches my face for a few seconds. “You really don’t know what she’s planning on doing?”

I give him a blank look. “You heard pretty boy over there. Apparently I don’t.”

“Hm.” He stands back up. “Looks like we’ll have to educate you a little bit before we get to the fun stuff.”

“Jinki, can you please stop trying to draw out the suspense and just talk. The brat is getting on my nerves already.”

I stick my tongue out petulantly. “Don’t call me a brat short stuff.” He takes an angry step forward, only to be held back by a laughing Minho.

“Fine,” Jinki huffs. He faces me once more with a straight face. “The Queen is baren.” Baren?

Jongin’s clone rolls his eyes from behind. “You must be an idiot.” He says to me. I scowl. “She doesn’t know what that means.”

“It means that the Queen is unable to have kids.” I shrug in response. I don’t see why I should care about that. “You aren’t the first human that the Queen has had, and yet she treats you significantly different. Why do you think this is?”

I shrug again. “Maybe it’s my charming personality.”

“Can I _please_ hit her?”

“No Jonghyun. Hold off.” He says to the speedy Charmer. He turns back to me. “At first…I thought it was because she was just tired of her humans being constantly killed off. And then I thought that maybe it was because you were the first to come into the castle so willingly.” He paces in a circle. “And then, I realized it wasn’t because of _you_ , but because of the Queen herself. You see the Queen isn’t treating you so nice because of you and your quirky behavior…but because she knows that she is _dying_.” My eyes widen and he stops pacing. “Well, she’s not really dying, but she knows that she will die as she continues to be without an heiress to the throne. As the first Queen unable to produce a daughter, someone is bound to take her life so that the matriarchy can live on and the next in line can claim the throne.” Moonbyul. She would be the next to the throne…and that thought is terrifying.

“What…what does this have to do with me?” I whisper.

“Ah! That dear, is the next part. You see, since she can have no child she can can’t produce the next Queen. What does this mean for our dear double agent heroine? Well I believe that she is breeding you to take her place.”

“You’re lying to me!”

“No. But I’m not. This is where our tale gets a bit confusing. How will…the Gaia Queen be able to pass her crown on to her human pet?” he sucks in a breath of air in exaggerated thought. “Ah, I’ve been staying awake day and night trying to figure out how she plans on passing the throne to you. You who is secretly against her. You who treats Charmers and humans differently from how our laws dictate they should be treated. Curious aren’t you? So are we. _That_ is why we want your help. We want you on our side when, pardon my lack of a better term, shit inevitably hits the fan.”

I spit on his shoe. “Fuck off. Why should I believe you!?”

He frowns down at the saliva on his shoe and sighs sadly. “It appears that we’re going to have to try and persuade you to hear us out, huh? I’m sure we can open your mind a bit.” Jonghyun cracks his knuckles and appears before me as fast as I could blink. I avoid eye contact knowing that this isn’t going to end well for me.

The metal wrapped around my ankles snap off with a clang. My body is hefted out of the chair; I fall to the ground messily before he grabs the material holding my wrists together and drags me out of the room and away from the staring men behind us.

An overwhelming sense of panic is the first this I feel and then, I kind of come to terms with the fact that my life is over. Whatever is about to happen I have no control over. I basically put myself here. I deserve this. I’m thrown to the ground while he punches in a code in a keypad on the wall; an arsenal of weapons and torture devices opens up.

I swallow nervously; I’m so _fucked_.


	36. 34. Alternate Universe

My brain turns on and even without opening my eyes I know that I’m once again in bed inside of the castle. I can feel the familiar covers caressing my skin, and it feels even better than it ever has to be lying here in my thick patterned sheets. I clench my hand around them just to reassure myself of my location.

I sigh in relief.

With my eyes still closed I sift through my brain to try and figure out what day it is, how I got here, and how the _fuck_ I managed to have dream so vivid. Today is supposed to be the last day of the party…

How am I supposed to go and socialize after having such an awful dream? I almost got kidnapped yesterday, and now I’m having nightmares of Luhan hitting me and then _actually_ being kidnapped? With a heavy groan, I open my eyes,

Only to find Chanyeol leaning over me with a wide grin.

I feel my stomach flip happily at the sight of him. “Chanyeol,” I sigh out. “Why are you hovering over me?” he says nothing, but shakes his head lightly. I pout unconsciously at the uncharacteristic muteness of the Charmer. What is up with him? Did he catch a cold or something? Did Sehun dare him not to speak for the day?

“Uh,” I start only for him to interrupt me by leaning down even further and pressing his lips to my own.

I let out a surprised noise against his mouth and my eyes widen to the size of saucers. _What is happening_? He doesn’t move, waiting for me to seemingly either push him away or accept the affection. I blink dumbly as my sleep clouded mind clears and I take in what is happening.

He’s fucking kissing me.

Deciding to let myself have this one moment after waking up thinking that I was dead to the world, I kiss Chanyeol back. Then he finally responds again.

The light touch of his lips on mine changes to a more defined pressure. His tongue slides its way into my mouth easily after I involuntarily make a noise of eagerness. _Oh._

I can feel my pulse quickening and my skin warming in excitement. It feels too hot all of the sudden, but I can’t get my body to push away any of the covers, and I definitely can’t push away Chanyeol. My mind hazes over as his lips lazily drift down my jaw and lock on to my neck. At first peppering the skin with light licks and nips, and then turning to rougher bites.

 _Way_ rougher bites.

I whimper in pain at the feeling of his teeth nearly breaking through the skin of my neck. “Ch-Chanyeol, stop. You’re _hurting_ me.”

He doesn’t.

Suddenly remembering I have control of my limbs and body, I squirm under his weight. I shove at his shoulder with all my strength to get him off of me because I’m in pain and _why is he acting like this_?! He pulls back only to remove my hands and lock them above my head in a vice grip. I swallow hard right before he presses his other hand forcefully against my throat. Tears immediately spring from my eyes.

I try to blink them away and not look as desperate for air as I’m beginning to feel when I lock eyes with him. His goofy expression from before has transformed into a look filled with so much…so much hate and anger that it sends a wave of negative emotion through my body. Adrenaline floods my veins as my fight or flight reflexes kick in (even though I could do neither at this point). My heart constricts so painfully from the look in his eyes that the tear flow more as a result of my emotional pain rather than then physical.

“Shut _up_.” He hisses. He loosens his grip around my throat marginally; I hiccup nervously. “You deserve this. You’re **worthless**. You can’t do anything to protect yourself on your own, and this is what happens to dumb bitches who leave themselves open to attack,” he grins sadistically “So shut your pretty little mouth and let me-”

“Chan-” I try to interrupt until the hand around my throat bursts into flames. I scream. _No. no. no. NO._ This isn’t happening. This **can’t** be happening. I snap my eyes closed, and somewhere in the recesses of my mind I know that the fire against my throat isn’t even hot, but in my hysteria it feels as though it’s melting my skin. It feels as though I’m melting like wax.

I don’t notice my wrists being freed, and I don’t realize that my underwear is being ripped off my body. All I can focus on it trying not to die from the fire and hand around my neck. Breathing is far too painful.

My labored sobbing staggers as Chanyeol thrusts into me without any warning. I let out a choked scream. It hurts. It all hurts so bad.

My head from the screaming and crying.

My body from being violated.

My heart from Chanyeol doing this to me…

I squeeze my eyes harder and pray for this to end quickly. To whatever God’s are out there. To whoever might be listening inside of my head. My body jolts from each thrust and I refrain from making any louder cries of pain. It seems as though they only make him push in harder, the fucking _bastard_.

“June?” my eyes snap open. Sehun!

He stands a good few feet away from the two of us, and neither does he step any closer nor does Chanyeol stop. I open my mouth to call out to him, but when I see the blank look in his eyes, something in my mind tells me not to. My mouth closes with a clack of teeth. I plead with my eyes, but he does nothing.

He just watches.

He just stands there and watches while Chanyeol shoves himself faster and deeper inside of me, and I’m suffocated with fire that is sending me farther into a frenzied panic. My tears stream quicker.

I wish that I was dead.

I truly wish that I was dead in this moment.

Of all of my nightmares, never would I have thought I’d have to live through something that would hurt me as much as I am hurt and betrayed in this moment.

I let out another sob pitiful sob, and then the entire room shifts.

My eyes spring open, and when I lift my head I see that I’m sprawled out in my bed in the 2nd ring. I sit up with a jolt. My breathing is heavy and my skin is perspiring. I pat my body down frantically. I’m in one piece. I’m not hurt. It was all just a nightmare.

I whimper. The house is quiet. I don’t want to be alone right now. I throw my legs off the bed and slide off so that I can make my way out of my room. I wobble on my feet dizzy for a moment. I have to close my eyes and stand absolutely still before it passes.

Where are the boys? I need to see them. I trot over to the door and pull it open with more force than necessary, but I don’t care. I need to find them and see their faces. I don’t know why I need to see them for myself, but I just know I have to. My mind is half tuned out when I take the first few steps into the hall. The carpet squishes, wet, beneath my bare feet. The sound finally catches my attention; I look down to see the once clean carpet unevenly stained crimson.

Blood.

The metallic smell is unmistakable, and leads right down the stairs. My stomach churns making me heave a bit in my mouth at it all. My toes are now caked in the thick substance. Fear creeps down my spine as I take slow steps along the trail of blood. Each squelch beneath my feet sets off an alarm in my mind. It’s far too much to be from one person. Far too much to be from just an injury.

At the foot of the stairs I finally see the first body.

Or more accurately the foot of the first. I close my eyes and bite my quivering lip to brace myself for what I know will be a gruesome scene. I clear the wall and my stomach drops.

There lie all of the bodies of the Charmers I’d come to befriend…and Tao. The floor is soaked in the red of the blood and their eyes are open wide as if the last thing they saw before dying left them in disbelief. I can do nothing but stare at their stiff forms in utter horror.

 _You did this to them_. Momma’s voice fills my head. _It’s all **your** fault. You **killed** them._

I swallow painfully as I take in the sight of their bodies. Each has exactly seven wounds sporadically places through their torsos. I don’t dare try to find out if there are any others. My throat closes and I can’t breathe normally. My hands shake as I bring them up to my face. They’re covered in blood, and in one is the dagger I killed the Charmer in the 3rd ring with. Still covered in blood, but this time it’s theirs. I know it.

Everything around me swirls and I stumble to the side dizzily. Closing my eyes tightly, I grip the handle of the knife in my hand harder.

When I open them, I’m in a different room. A different house. One I’ve never seen before. I take a step back to take in my surroundings. A kitchen. Granite counters with silver appliances. It’s a comfortable space, and I can see out to a living room with a TV on showing what looks like a children’s cartoon. I’m no longer being suffocated with the smell of blood, but warm food. Meat is cooking on the stove beside me, and it all just feels like…home.

I notice the sliced carrot in front of me and the knife in my hand. Was I just…chopping vegetables?

What’s happening?

Why do my surroundings keep changing?

Am I still being tortured? It’s been going on for so long now that I can’t even distinguish what’s real life and what isn’t. I can’t tell whether…whether this right now is real life and it’s all just been some dream, or whether I’m still in the middle of a mental torture session in the evil lair I was taken to not long ago.

This doesn’t feel like the others though. This one feels…too realistic. Too…average to be something that my mind was forced to visualize. The sound of a door opening and closing breaks through the low noises in the house; I grip the knife tighter in my palm. I don’t know who is about to walk into the room.

I hear my name being called out. Not June…but my real birth name. I hear my real name, but I can’t comprehend it. I know that it was just said, but I don’t know what it _was._ I blink back tears as my name slips back into nonexistence.

“June?” My vision focuses back in and I see Jongin looking at me worriedly. He places his hand around mine, and my tightening grip on the knife loosens considerably. “Are you okay?” he asks tentatively. I gulp. I contemplate outright saying _no I’m not_ , but instead I decide to take in his presence. To just take in…Jongin. He’s wearing a large pink sweater and tight jeans that make his tan skin and currently dark brown hair pop. His plump lips are turned down in a frown.

Redirecting my eyes to his, I recall the previous question that I have yet to answer. I shake my head at his question, and look down at the knife still in my palm. I look at his against hand squeezing mine comfortingly. “I had-” what was it that I wanted to say? I frown and look him in the eyes. “I saw…I don’t know what I saw,” the words begin to tumble from my brain in the form of bare comprehensible sentences “There was a Queen and I was her pet and I had to try and save people because all of the women were awful to guys…and you were there and so were your friends and you were like a slave and you could teleport and then you died. Jongin you _died_ and it was all my fault. I-I killed you! We were supposed to be-”

His lips land on mine; I swallow the rest of my sentence. In an instant it feels like all of my worries vanish, and a warm feeling of contentment overrides all of my other thoughts and feelings. He pulls away with a smirk; I stand frozen from surprise in my spot. “You’re rambling.” He says. I pout in response. He grins boyishly. “Dinner smells great jagi.”

Jagi?

He reaches behind me to grab a piece of cooked pork that’s been set aside. He plucks it off the plate and then has the audacity to wink before opening his mouth to eat it. I place the knife on the counter and grab the meat from between his fingers. “Yah! Stop it. You have to wait until the rest of the guys get here before you can eat.” I nag. He tilts his head to the side and steps forward; I bump against the counter after being cornered against my will.

“If I can’t eat that…I can think of something,” his hand comes up to thumb at my bottom lip. His eyes focus in on my mouth, and his voice lowers noticeably, “or _someone_ I’d like to eat instead.”

“Kim Jongin, are you trying to seduce me right now?”

“Maybe,” The dangerous look in his eyes disappears as he turns back into the cute man that I fell in love with. “Is it working?”

I snort out a laugh and push against his chest. “Try harder.”

“Baby~” he whines. I stick my tongue out childishly. He leans forward and copies the move with a wiggle of his head. I cross my arms over my chest and set my mouth in a line. He does the same. I fight my grin when I see his mouth twitch up at the side as he does the same. A _ding_ sounds from his pocket. I cock my brow and look at his jeans pocket challengingly.

“Gonna get that?” I ask playfully. He fidgets, fighting between continuing the copy game, or picking up the cell that he’s nearly addicted to. It chimes again and his resolve shatters. He fishes it out of his pocket with an upset pout in my direction. “I win,” I sing-song while he scrolls through his notifications.

“The guys are on their way. They should be here soon,” he says after a moment.  

I nod, “Okay, I’ll wrap up cooking.”

He hums before placing a quick kiss on my lips, and then smiles lopsidedly. “I’ll never get sick of that,” he mumbles, still bent to my height.

“And I’ll never get sick of letting you do that.” I kiss him once more to prove my point. Then begins a game of who gets the final kiss. I manage to capture his lips in a proper kiss when the sound of crying from upstairs stops us from going any further. I groan in disappointment, letting go of the material of his sweater.

“I’ll go get him.” He says with a giddy smile before leaving to run up the stairs. I wipe down the counter right as the doorbell rings. Turning off the burners and removing the food from the hot stove top and to a plate, I then make my way to the door where a series of loud knocks have started.

“I’m coming! I’m coming! Jesus calm the hell down.” I mutter the last bit under my breath as I reach the front of the house. As soon as I pull the wooden door open I’m greeted with the smiling faces of 7 boys. I can’t help the easy grin that stretches across my face at the sight of them all.

Simultaneously they break out into talking, and one by one I’m hugged as they enter the house and walk to the living room they are all way too comfortable in. Knowing there’s no way for me to get any kind of word of my own in while they’re all bickering, I settle for momentary escape and bringing in the food I’d prepared for them all to more or less snack on. There’s no way I’d be willing to cook a meal for all of us to be able to gorge in on my own.

“Wah thanks I’m starving.”

“You’re always starving.”

“Shut up.”

“Don’t tell him to shut up you brat.”

“Hyung, you should really get better at concealing your favoritism.”

“Yah you-”

“Where’s Jongin?”

“Upstairs. He’ll be down in a bit.” I jump in. As soon as the words leave my mouth I hear familiar footsteps approaching the room. In all his handsome glory Jongin enters with a little boy in his arms.

Our baby.

“Omo, he’s starting to look more like you every day.” Kris says to me. I smile almost shyly at the compliment.

“Yah he looks like me too. I helped make him.” Jongin says petulantly. He pouts and sits right beside me on one of the smaller couches. The 2-year-old in his lap reaches out for me, and I take him with welcoming arms.

Sehun tilts his head slightly, the raise of his eyebrows lets me know that whatever he is about to say isn’t going to be particularly nice. “Yeah, I’m sure that 15 seconds of play was really special and helpful.”

And there it was.

I roll my eyes at the comment playfully while the rest of the boys burst out into loud laughter and the small child in my lap curls himself closer to my body. Being around them for almost 7 years now I’m passed the point of being embarrassed when things like this become the topic of conversation. I stroke our baby’s hair to calm him down amidst all the noise. He knows all of the faces in the room, but the noise is still enough for him to prefer clinging to either me or Jongin when they’re around. I don’t blame him.

“Hey, don’t talk about my husband like that.” I bark out. I give them all a mock disappointed look at having insulted my husband.

“Thanks jag-”

“It was more like 47 seconds.” I tease. The room erupts with the different timbre of all their voices and shouts at Jongin’s expense. His mouth hangs open in betrayal and I mouth a quick _I love you_ before kissing both him and our child and standing up. “I’m gonna give you back to daddy okay?” I coo to the toddler in my arms. A noise of defiance is his quiet response and his hold around my neck tightens.

“Daddy huh?” Luhan chimes in with a tone way more teasing that it needs to be.

“That’s what we call him,” I say easily. “Isn’t that right, _daddy_?” I pointedly ask Jongin. A couple of loud gasps, shocked faces, and a smug Jongin later, I’m able to detach my baby’s arms from around my neck. “Here how about you go to uncle Chanyeol huh?” at that he frantically scrambles to get out of my arms so that he can go to one of his favorite “uncles”.

“No don’t go to Chanyeol hyung, come to me!” Tao protests. At being rejected Tao mutters, “I’m still his favorite.”

Leaving them to themselves, I return to the kitchen to look for the things I had asked Jongin to buy earlier. “Jongin, did you go to the store like I asked?” I shout from my spot.

“Yeah it’s in the car. I’ll go get it.”

“No, I’ll get it. Stay and play with your friends; I know you all haven’t seen each other in a while.” I grab his keys off the counter, slip on my shoes, and jog outside into the chilly autumn evening. “I should have put on a jacket.” I grumble to myself. I make the quick trip to the car and grab the small bag of things from his passenger seat. The wind bites at my bare arms and brings with it the smell of smoke.

I don’t remember lighting the fireplace…

Subconsciously already knowing what I will see, I turn around anyway to find my house engulfed in enormous orange and red flames.  The wind continues to play its part in torturing me, carrying the sounds of their screaming to me. Surrounding me as if I’m inside with them. The bag drops from my hands with a thud.

The door shakes violently as they try to get out, but I know it’s locked. It’s locked from the outside and somehow I know that the keys in my hand are the only thing that can unlock it, but I can’t move. My breathing shallows and the cloud puffs that escape my mouth are the only reminder I have that I can move if I can just get my mind to _stop panicking_.

I glance down at my clothes to find myself in the brown clothes that I wore all those years ago. The clothes I ran away in. When I look down I know inherently that I’m 10 again. I’m 10 and all of my friends and family are stuck in there. My parents. Jongin. Sehun. Kris. Tao. Luhan. Sehun. Minseok. Kyungsoo. Everyone I’ve ever loved.

Trapped.

But I have the ability to let them out.

With one step, and then another, my feet are taking me to where my body feels it should go. In the way I know best how to solve my problems. Frantic steps speed up, and I do what I do best; I run.

I drop the key behind me…

And I run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god the MAMA's has me SHOOK as fuck wow. Exo did great and i'm a proud mama bear tbh...did you guy shave any fav/least fav moments of the show?


	37. 35. Meanwhile in the Palace

*2nd Person*

 A few hours had passed since you were left in your room. Hoping that giving you time alone would help you calm down after the disastrous trip to the 2nd ring, Jongin and Sehun had returned to the Charmer hall and were waiting for the right time to come back down to check on you.

“We should go back.”

“Not yet, she’s still probably pissed. You saw how angry she was…” Jongin sighs. “She didn’t even seem to care that we left.”

Sehun stands up from the old couch in one of the common areas of the secluded hall angrily. “That doesn’t mean we should have left. She would have stayed with us if the roles were switched.”

“You don’t know that-”

“Bullshit. We both know it.” Jongin avoids his eyes. As much as he hates to admit it, the younger is right. Besides, three hours is plenty of time for you to have calmed down right? “I’m going down whether or not you decide to come with me.”

Turning and making his way to your room, Sehun walks slowly but with a vigor he tries to hide. He knows Jongin will follow behind. Jongin cares for you even more than he does (as much as he hates to admit it to himself), but he feels a terrible amount of desperateness to physically see you and assure himself that you’re okay. That you aren’t too hurt by the situation that occurred. So, he’ll slow down so Jongin can catch up, but if he doesn’t hurry he _will_ go on his own.

Without a sound Jongin materializes at Sehun’s side, and the two avoid all others in the castle in order to get back to you room without anyone asking questions.

The closer they get, the more an unsettling feeling appears in the pit of their stomachs.

Something isn’t right.

They stop outside of the grand door to your bedroom.

“Something-”

“I know.” Jongin interrupts. The two share a look, and Sehun can feel his hands starting to shake almost uncontrollably. This is too similar to the last time he stood outside this door and felt this sick. Whatever is or _isn’t_ behind that door is not anything good. He’s willing to bet his life on it.

At least…what greeted him wasn’t good last time.

Jongin takes the initiative to swallow his own nerves and push into the room. The two take slow steps and you room looks undisturbed. No signs of any temper tantrum, no signs of your anger being taken out on the things around you, and for a brief moment they feel relief.

At least you hadn’t gone off the deep end.

The thought passes quickly when they register the lack of your presence.

Immediately the panic sets in. Sehun runs over to your bathroom and knocks loudly on the door calling out your name while Jongin teleports into your opened closet to search for any signs of you there.

“She isn’t in the bathroom!”

“She not in the closet either, ch-check under the bed!”

A full hour passes with the two frantic Charmers searching every inch of your room for you, only to come up entirely empty handed. Chests heaving, foreheads perspiring, the two share another worried look.

“You don’t think that she’s…” Jongin shakes his head quickly even before Sehun can finish. He doesn’t want to hear the word. There’s no way. “Kidna-”

“No.” he interrupts again. Sehun squeezes his lips together in a line hard enough to stop the shaking in his bottom lip. “She’s…She is- She’s probably just hiding. Yeah, she was angry and- and I’m sure she’s just hiding somewhere to scare us.” Sehun nods despite himself feeling entirely unconvinced. The longer he stands in this empty room filled with this familiar feeling of dread, the closer he feels himself reaching the edge of his emotional stability. “She’s not Wheein Sehun.”

At the name a slight sob escapes Sehun’s lips. Jongin takes the younger in his arms and takes in a breath to keep himself from breaking down as well. “She’s going to be fine. June is going to be just fine.”

* * *

 

A few minutes, and a lot of running around the nearly empty castle later, an entire search team has been conjured. Jongin teleports to the kitchen to give Kyungsoo and Minseok a debriefing that he almost can’t finish through his stuttering. Without hesitation, they leave their positions behind the counter to look for you as well.

Sehun grabs Chanyeol as soon as he sees him saying nothing but, “June’s gone,” before Chanyeol is out of his seat and running around the castle as well. The 5 conduct their search not knowing where exactly to look, but knowing the you have to be found for 2 main reasons: 1) before Solar gets back and the entire castle and kingdom explodes, and 2) because your life could very much be in danger and _fuck_ if they don’t save you none of them will be the same.

Sehun and Chanyeol are the first to go all the way to the infirmary in a last ditch attempt to look for you while the others cautiously search near (but not inside of) the dungeon. The infirmary is mostly empty save for a few who have been released from the cellar and are now being healed.

“Yixing!” the young healer looks up surprised to hear his name being yelled, and accidently pulls too hard at Baekhyun’s arm who he’d just set back in place.

“Ouch!”

“Oh sorry Baekhyun. Hold on.” Chanyeol and Sehun round the corner and once they catch sight of one of the lead Charmers here, they hurriedly close the distance between them. “Why do you both look so freaked? Is someone hurt?”

“June is missing,” Chanyeol supplies breathlessly. “We’ve searched the entire castle and we can’t find her anywhere. Have you seen her? Please tell me she’s down here.”

“The human girl right?”

Sehun answers with a loud, “Yes!” a few patients shift in their bed from the sound.

Letting a light pensive pout form on his lips Yixing shakes his head. “Do you not have any idea where she is?” he asks while cleaning a particularly deep cut on Baekhyun’s side that is far too close to irreparable infection for his liking. The smaller winces in pain.

“No we think that she got kidnapped.” Chanyeol answers again.

“Why do you think th-”

“She told us,” Sehun says cutting him off. Yixing places his hand a centimeter over Baekhyun’s wound and the wound slowly closes up as if healing itself. Not even a scar is left behind in its place. “They found her at the party, and we left her alone today and we think they came back and got her.”

Almost naively Yixing states, “You have to tell the Queen.”

“She will _kill_ us when she finds out we let this happen.” Sehun hisses.

“I don’t know what to tell you then. I don’t know how to find missing people. Go keep looking while I finish up here. I’ll help you in a bit.” He says giving them a nod to confirm his promise to assist.

Chanyeol grabs the healer in a hug, and Yixing laughs. “Thank you so muc-”

“Why are you even looking for her? Shouldn’t you be glad that she’s gone? At least you don’t have to follow orders under some girl anymore.” Baekhyun interjects bitterly. His wounds still on full display.

“She isn’t Moonbyul.” Sehun snaps. “She doesn’t treat us like shit, so watch what you’re saying about things you don’t have any understanding of.”

“Not yet she isn’t. They all end up being the same anyway.”

Sehun frowns and scoffs. “Let’s go Chanyeol.” Without another word Sehun leaves the infirmary to continue in finding any sign of where you could have gone.

Chanyeol hesitates before leaving. “You know, being angry at the world won’t do any good. You should give people a chance. Not everyone is bad, and I think you know it.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “Thanks again Yixing. I’ll get going now.”

Once Chanyeol is gone Yixing goes back to healing Baekhyun in silence. “He’s right you know.”

“Not you too.” Baekhyun huffs heavily.

“I’ve met her before. She was passed out both times, but with the way the people around her act you’d think that she was their Queen or savior. It’s not easy to gain my trust, and I haven’t had an actual conversation, but she’s still been able to gain it effortlessly. I’m not telling you to like her, but just this once give the girl a chance. She wants to help.”

“I thought you were better than this. She has all of you tricked, and when she lets you all down…I won’t even say I told you so.”

Sighing deeply and shaking his head in defeat Yixing goes to fixing the minor scratches on his torso. “Some wounds are harder to heal than others...but you can’t just let them go unattended. You should let your wounds heal Baek. Being angry and vulnerable is never a good combination.”

“Whatever. Just hurry up and do your job so I can go back to my room before _she_ gets back from shopping.”

* * *

 

No one can find you, or any sign of where you could have been taken. The only thing that surfaced was the lone book under your bed. Initially the book was over looked, but when returning to your room Jongin took it in his hands and began to flip through its pages.

The pictures he remembers you talking about flitter to the ground and display exactly what is was that you didn’t want them to see. He wants to pretend that seeing both himself and the others caught frozen in time during such terrible moments doesn’t affect him, but he can’t get himself to lie. It hurts to see it. Feeling it, then seeing and reliving it are two entirely different things, and the fact that you also saw it not only breaks his heart, but makes him feel nauseous.

Gathering the pictures and shoving them in the book before Sehun can catch sight of them, he takes the book to Chanyeol. After sharing a silent conversation with their eyes, Chanyeol angrily burns the book without another thought.

“We have to tell the Queen.” Chanyeol concedes.

It’s not much longer after that Solar makes her reappearance in the castle. Many of the Gaia had returned from their day out, and the sun was beginning to hide itself below the horizon. Almost as if to escape the inevitable tirade that the castle would be subject to.

As soon as she enters with her standard 3 guards, Chanyeol and Sehun are on the ground in front of her. Knees to the floor, heads bent, bodies shaking in fear. She pauses in her spot confused by the males in front of her.

“What is this?” she questions.

With a deep breath Chanyeol squeaks out, “Your Highness, June is missing. We checked the entire castle and she is nowhere to be seen.” He says in one breath. For almost a minute the entire castle freezes in wait for some kind of reaction from the Queen.

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the room begins to shake. It starts off as a small vibration before rubble falls from the ceilings, pictures topple off the walls, decorations shatter to the floor, and the Gaia guards at the Queen’s sides fall to their knees to brace themselves against the minor earthquake commanded by the Queen.

“Please spare us your Highness.” Sehun says with more stability in his voice than he anticipated. Abruptly the shaking stops.

“Get up.” Her voice commands coldly. With weak knees they follow. Sehun can feel himself wanting to throw up already at the thought of what is about to happen to them both. “I’m not going to punish you,” The statement rings across the nearly empty hall.

“W-Wha-”

“Keep looking for her.” She interrupts with clenched fists. Chanyeol closes his mouth with a _clack_. Finding her composure, Solar turns to face the guards who have once again regained their footing. “Find her.” They nod in unison.

The castle burst with life as the search extends to the kingdom.

*2 Days Later*

Two days pass with no luck. No one gets any closer to finding any clues as to your whereabouts. It’s almost as if you’ve been erased off the face of the planet. Finally, the kingdom is notified and a reward has been offered to anyone who happens to find you safe.

Jongin is the one to tell Kris, Luhan, and Tao.

Initially they all sit in a stunned silence. Tao attempts to hold back his angry tears. He feels like shit for not being able to do anything to help find you, and it doesn’t help that it feels like he’s going to shatter to pieces if you don’t turn up alive…or at all. Luhan covers his face with his hands as the guilt that had already been building up once you left continues to eat him alive. He doesn’t know what came over him to make him hit you, he would _never_ put his hands on anyone _especially_ not you if he had been in his right mind.

“Stop that.” Kris’s voice cuts through the silence. Tao swipes at his eyes and Luhan looks up from his hands to see Kris staring right at him. “Stop beating yourself up. We were all in the wrong. We could have handled it better than we did; we forgot how much she’s been exposed to at one time in the castle. We have to move on and get her back right now. Then we can feel bad. We don’t have time to do it right now.”

“You’re right.” Luhan mutters.

“Can you tell where she is?” Kris asks calmly. Successfully hiding his own distress and worry under a mask of cool expressionlessness.

“You know it’s not that easy…”

“How is it not that easy? Can’t you both feel each other’s emotions? Why can’t you figure out each other’s location too?” Tao aggressively jumps in. Jongin follows the conversation in silent curiosity.

“If I focus hard enough then I usually can…but right now I can’t. I don’t know if I’m being blocked, but I can’t feel _anything_ from her.” Luhan admits. “I don’t think she knows enough about it to be able to actively block our bond, but someone else could be.”

Jongin sits up, “How exactly…do you know if you’ve bonded?”

“All we know so far is that it is initiated when a male begins to have feelings for someone of the opposite race. We don’t know why it’s only a male initiated thing, but it seems as though it only happens when a guy begins to fall for someone first. It solidifies after there is physical contact and the other begins to have feelings of their own. The feelings can be both conscious or unconscious.” Kris supplies dully.

“I think that when it solidifies there are instances of power outbursts. I remember feeling like my telekinesis was working around us when we kissed that first time. It didn’t do it again after that though, so I overlooked it.”

“I think… I might have done it too.” Jongin says quietly. “Bonded I mean.”

“What the hell? I thought you didn’t.” Kris says incredulously.

“It happened after that. The first time I thought I just teleported in my sleep, but the second time I know that I didn’t do it on purpose. She kissed my cheek and then we were halfway across her room.”

Luhan groans loudly, “I knew it.” Kris quirks an eyebrow. “I could feel something was different about him. I feel it with Sehun too. I think he might have bonded with her too before he came here with her.”

“Okay great but can we worry about this later. I’d like to _find_ her before you all talk about your freaky supernatural bond. Can you fucking find her or what?” Tao deadpans bluntly.

Luhan shakes his head sadly, “I don’t think I can this time.”

* * *

 

The castle is in chaos, and as the hours pass the human casualties rise. Having gone on a rampage Solar in inconsolable and barely containing enough of her energy so that she doesn’t explode the castle and all those inside with it.

Half of the human staff have been dragged out of her suite dead or close enough it to be left to suffer in the basement in agony. All of the staff and residents fear for their own lives as Solar’s anxiety and anger teeter far too close to the edge of their safety.

Passed the point of desperation, Sehun has been ordered to stay in his room for his own safety by those around him. Chanyeol and Jongin attempt to calm him, knowing that he’s being reminded of what happened to Wheein right before they found her lifeless body in the woods.

But you aren’t Wheein.

At least…they hope you won’t end up like Wheein.

* * *

 

“Stop! Stop! Please stop!” you scream through your tears. Throat raw from shouting, eyes heavy from crying, you are exhausted. You are physically and mentally exhausted. You’re beyond tired of having no control of your reality and the things you feel as though you are living. Having managed to nearly break your mental strength with the different scenarios, the man that you thought could only read minds, stops projecting into your brain.

You breath heavily when you open your eyes and see the familiar sight of the room you had been taken to for this nonstop mental torture. It’s almost relieving to see it and the guy who looks a lot like Jongin in front of you. You don’t understand how he managed to figure the exact things to put together to make you tick, but it may honestly be the worst thing you have ever had to live through.

You pray to whoever may be listening to be taken away by Jonghyun. Pain to your body, you can handle. You welcome the thought of being cut open and beaten. At least then when it becomes too much you can at least pass out.

But when it’s in your head…there’s no way out. There’s no way to know if what your feeling is real. Are you actually hurt? Are you actually feeling anything? You can’t be sure that your senses are yours and if your reactions are genuine or purely forced upon you. You aren’t in control of _anything_ when the torture goes on inside of your head, and it’s fucking terrifying and traumatizing.

How can you ever be sure that you are living your life or living in a scenario conjured up by another and projected in your head. How do you know that you aren’t always living in a nightmare like this, and you’re just now realizing it?

How do you know if _anything_ is real and won’t be taken away as soon as you find contentment?

When the door opens and Jonghyun drags you out and back to the carving table, you all but sigh in relief. At least when you feel pain you know it’s real…

Taemin watches you with his head in his hand. You haven’t moved for the last few days, not since he was told to “watch” over you. He’s put you deep enough in your own nightmares that he barely has to do anything himself at this point. Finding them was the hardest part. After loosening a few screws and cracking a few doors in your mind, your subconscious did the rest.

He takes a peak into your mind to see you’ve fabricated a situation of being bruised and injured by Jonghyun. It doesn’t take a genius to know how far gone you must be to _wish_ for physical pain. He sighs ruefully.

He hopes you give up soon so that you can return home to those looking for you.


	38. 36. I Don't Want to See Them

I’ve been here for months…or maybe it been weeks. Hell, it might have only been a few hours. I don’t know anymore.

I don’t know anything anymore.

Sitting in the metal chair in the room made of grey and metal registers no feelings within me. I’m tired of feeling. Tired of screaming. Tired of fighting. The 4 who’ve kept me hostage all this time stand in front of me, but I avoid their eyes. I don’t want them to see me so defeated.

The originally paper thin cuts along my body hurt more than I care to admit. I can clearly see my muscle from some of the wounds. At least 3 centimeters deep each, the amount of effort it takes to keep my muscles from moving is exhausting. Any kind of movement hurts so much.

Living hurts so much.

I feel like I’ve suffered through every form of torture at this point, just in this one place. Mental, physical, emotional. My injuries go unattended and are only worsened as they stretch open and are coated in the dust, debris, and germs of the dirty room I’ve been given to sleep in.

I haven’t eaten since I arrived, and at this point I’m not hungry. I’m not thirsty. I’m not anything. I don’t even think that I’m living. My mouth is dry, and I have managed to not say a single word in quite a while. I haven’t talked back to any of them like I was able to when I was first brought here.

My soul is depleted.

“You seem like you’ve had enough. You’ve last quite a while,” Jinki, the leader, notices. “If you just agree to do what as we say, then this’ll all be over. You want it be over don’t you?” I open my mouth only slightly, and instead of words a long trail of blood slides out.

“She’s listening.” The mind reader, who’s name I’ve managed not to learn, says.

“We want you to keep your current position in the castle, but when the time comes, which it will, I want you to kill the Queen.” I’m unable to say anything. “After she grants you power, you have to kill her yourself.”

_I’m not a Gaia. She can’t give me power._

“She says she can’t, she isn’t a Gaia.” The mind reader repeats.

“Ah but you will be.” I let more of the blood that had pooled in my mouth grossly stain my disgusting shirt. What is he even talking about? “We already know that you’re working with Kris, and we basically want the same thing. He backed out of our initial agreement last minute, but you are going to finish what he started,” Kris? What does Kris have to do with this? “When she gives you her throne, you hand it over to us. You can leave without being harmed, and even go back to living your life in the shadows. This is all way bigger than you. You are nothing but a small pawn in a game that extends beyond your realm of sight. A war is happening, and you’re at the dead center of it. All you will have to do is hand over the crown so that it can carry on without you.”

 _But what if I don’t want to_.

“What if she doesn’t want to?”

Jinki clicks his tongue, “Well then I guess we’d just have to tell the Queen about how her favorite little human had been planning a coup d’état with Kris and company. We’ll make sure that she knows just how involved you’ve been this whole time with rising up against her. Just like the millions she tries to keep you from finding out about.

“I’m sure she’d enjoy punishing them all for tricking her don’t you think? All of your so called Charmer friends?” The metal band around my chest (that had been the only thing keeping me up) unbends and my body falls forward. I hiss dryly at the sudden amount of pain that shoots through my body. “We’ll give you some time to think about it. Taemin, disorient her senses and have Jonghyun leave her in the woods away from the hideout. Her little friends will be able to find her. Don’t stay any longer than you have to,” he commands.

My world is encased in black and orange. I can see neither hear anything, but I feel encased in such a warm orange that I don’t even feel the need to panic. At least I’m not hurting right now.

All too soon the orange mist around me vanishes, and my senses return full force. It’s too dark outside. Too dark and too cold. I want to stand and look for safety, but I’m just so, so, so _tired._ Too tired, too hurt, too numb. The wind blows and on top of the pain in my mind, heart, and body, I feel like a human popsicle.

The ground is cold, and the moon is high and bright in the sky. Bright enough that I can clearly see all of the dying plants around me. Dying.

Just like me I think.

An unidentifiable amount of time passes before I hear my name being called in the distance. Is it even my name? I could just be imagining it. I wouldn’t be surprised…

The sounds of yelling and shuffling in the dead leaves gets louder, and maybe I’m not just imagining it anymore. A light appears in the distance and along with it three distinct bodies. “June!”

Jongin is the first to reach me, and his petrified expression is a carbon copy of Sehun’s who shows up at my side next. I can’t make out the face of the person holding the light behind them. Or is it a flashlight? It looks a lot like the light I use to see in the garden at night sometimes…

“I guess I should have let one of you stay with me, huh?” I croak out with a weak smile. I don’t know if they can even hear me honestly. I don’t even know if I spoke. Carefully, Sehun is the one to pick me up.

“She’s fucking freezing,” he says.

“We need to hurry back. Give her to me, so I can get her to the infirmary,” Jongin says while caressing my dirtied face. His fingers give me no kind of warmth. I feel cold, but not nearly as cold as they are making me out to be.

“You’re so stupid. So stupid.” Sehun says repeatedly. I cough out a laugh, before the pain in my body takes over, and I can finally find peace in a black void.

* * *

 

Rhythmic beeping is the first thing to register in my mind.

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep beep._

 I open my eyes and stare blankly at the blinding white above me. Am I…

“You’re awake.” I blink and turn my head lazily to the side. A face I’ve only seen maybe twice greets me. He smiles and a dimple pops out on one of his cheeks. The third dancer at the party. I haven’t met him officially, but I know who he is instantly. By the smile on his face, it seems as though he remembers me as well. “We really have to stop meeting like this,” he says jokingly.

I don’t smile back.

I look to his right and see an oh so familiar IV drip with it sticking inside of my arm. A hospital. I am… _unfortunately_ still alive. Lifelessly I turn my head back to look at the ceiling. I’m back at the castle. Why don’t I feel any relief? Why don’t I feel happy?

“How are you feeling? Any pain?” I breathe out of my nose and brace myself to sit up. I hiss as I push my upper body up, only to realize that nothing hurts anymore. The doctor I know as Yixing laughs lightly at my confusion. “They’re all healed. You should be fine now. No more physical injuries.”

Physical.

I think back to all that I was made to see. I don’t have any more physical injuries but how many mental have been added on? I don’t even know for a fact that I’m actually here. I could still be back there with them, and any minute now my surroundings are going to change and I’ll be back to suffering some other nightmare.

It’s only a matter of time.

A hand is placed on my shoulder, and I flinch far harder than I think I ever have. Yixing removes his hand immediately and looks at me with clear concern. “Relax. It’s okay, you’re safe now.” He says slowly.

“Am I really?” the sound of my voice startles me. It’s far different to my ears than it was before. I can only guess it has something to do with how long I’d gone without my voice and water. I look him in the eyes. “I don’t think I’m ever really safe,” I whisper out.

He smiles remorsefully, “None of us really are. That doesn’t mean you have to live in fear and sadness for your entire life.”

The warmth that he radiates sets something off within me, and before I know it tears are falling to the sheets clenched in my fists. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Would you prefer it is I wasn’t?” he asks with confusion. I hesitate before shaking my head. His smile reappears. “I like to try and see the best in people, and you haven’t done anything bad. Besides, my friends are always talking highly about you. It’s disgusting to constantly listen to, but it’s obvious they really care about you.”

I sniff and swipe at my eyes cautiously. If I move too fast, everything might change again. The room is quiet, but not so much so that I’m surrounded by silence. This is my first time actually seeing what this infirmary looks like, and I don’t know if everyone usually has their own rooms, but this is far too much.

I hear footsteps approaching the room so desperately that I immediately tense in fear. I lower my head and the door swings open with a bang. I’m crushed in someone’s arms without a second to see who it is. I both hear and feel the person crying into me, but I still feel so disoriented that it takes me a few moments to figure out who it is.

When they pull away, I fully register that it’s Solar. She looks absolutely terrible. She looks on the outside almost as bad as I fell on the inside. She obviously hasn’t slept for days; the dark bags under her eyes give it away. Her hands feel thinner resting on my shoulder, but I’m sure I feel thin to her as well. I still don’t know how long I was gone nor how long I’ve been without food and water.

I don’t understand how I’m still alive.

Seeing her tear stained face breaks something else within me. I burst out into messy tears. She takes me back in her arms, and had my arms not felt like dead weight at my sides I probably would have hugged her back.

She was the only person who didn’t hurt me in the visions. She was the only one I didn’t hurt, and they want me to kill her. I know I can’t do it. Even without seeing how much emotion and distress she’s showing at my reappearance I couldn’t hurt her at this point even if I tried. I open my mouth but words fail to come out.

I have so much I want to say.

_I’m sorry. I won’t let this happen again. It was all my fault. Why are you so small? I’m so sorry._

She shakes her head and holds me gently. “It’s okay now. You’re okay now. Everything is fine; I’m here. I’ve got you,” she says through her choked sobs. I raise one heavy hand and grab her shirt tightly in my fist. Like a child I allow myself to be cradled to her chest.

She rocks our intertwined bodies and peppers kisses along my exposed cheeks and scalp. Having her makes me feels so much less…terrible. I cry harder anyway.

Only when my loud sobs start to subside does she speak. “Do you want to see your friends?” she asks; my body tenses. Did she just refer to the Charmers as my friends? And did she just ask that as her _first_ question? Either she’s gone crazy…or maybe she finally understands how much all of the Charmers really mean to me. Unable to even feel happy about this development in her personality I silently shake my head against her chest. “Tell them they can see her later,” she says. Presumably to Yixing. I guess he hadn’t left yet. His fading footsteps are the only sign of his departure. The door reopens a second later.

“Your Majesty…” Solar loosens her grip around my body and pulls away slightly. “I’m Huang Lei the main doctor here,” a new voice says. “If you have a minute I’d like to debrief you on Mistress June’s condition.”

“Tell me.” She commands. I turn my head so that I can look at him as well. With my ear pressed to her chest, I can hear Solar’s heart pounding steadily.

He taps on the screen of his tablet a few times before nodding to himself and then looks back up. “She came in with no internal injuries outside of one cracked rib and a bit of internal bleeding caused by a minor puncture to her stomach due to the fractured bone. It was a recent enough injury to not have caused any serious damage to her internal organs. While there was little injury to her internally, the external wounds were plentiful. We found a total of 49 major cuts to her body. Each of which varied in shape and size. 17 of which were infected almost to a point of rotting. I assume those injuries occurred at the beginning of last week when she was first taken.

“There is minor nerve damage to her left hand, but it is minimal and can be reversed through a couple of physical therapy sessions. Her vocal cords are severely damaged; although, we haven’t found the reasoning behind it, we think it has something to do with how severely malnourished she has been for the past 2 weeks. It seems as though she has been living with daily injections of a compound that allows the body to live longer on less food and water than normal. That being said, her stomach has also shrunken in size as a result.” He scrolls through something on the tablet’s page before looking up at us with a small smile.

“Yixing has healed all of her internal and external injuries, so there is no need for her to watch out for reopening any scars. She can return to her room if she’d like; however, I’d advise against letting her go back to her regular schedule.”

“Why not?”

“The mental stress from being kidnapped is still fresh, and we think that she might have a case of PTSD. When she first arrived we had to put her under an extreme amount of anesthetic just to get her to cooperate with us. She wasn’t even fully conscious, but she fought anyone who came near her as if they were trying to murder her.” The doctor says solemnly. Solar hums in acknowledgement and begins to rub my back again. I let out a terse breath I didn’t even know I was holding. “She can go back, but I suggest keeping visitors to a minimum. Also, find something to distract her in her free time until she gets acclimated to her surroundings again.”

“Alright,” she whispers. Yixing reenters the room and bows deeply before the Queen. “Thank you both. For healing her and watching over her condition with such diligence. Really…thank you.” The surprised looks on both of their faces is almost comical. Dr. Huang Lei splutters a few times before bowing. Yixing belatedly follows along.

She really has changed…

“Thank-Thank you for allowing us to tend to her, y-your majesty,” the doctor says.  Yixing stands up straight before bowing quickly and returning to his upright pose.

“If it’s not too bold to say, I think that she should stay one more night her in the infirmary. She is still fairly weak.”

Solar nods understandably. She cups my cheeks in her hands. “You stay here, and I’ll be back first thing in the morning to check on you.” I nod in silence. She places a tender kiss on my lips. With one final extended hug, she finally climbs off the bed and takes hesitant steps towards the door. As if she’s afraid I’ll vanish again.

“I’ll get your medicine for the headaches.” Dr. Huang Lei says before walking off. Headaches? I don’t have a headache.

Yixing sits apprehensively in the large cushiony chair beside my bed once the room is empty. “They’re worried about you out there.”

I bend my knees to my chest and hold on to my shoulders. “I…I know,” I whisper. “I just can’t look at them. I’m scared.” I admit.

“You should talk to one of them at least,” he says evenly. I squeeze my shoulders a bit tighter. “Is there any one of them that you think you’d be fine with talking to?”

I exhale and think back to the scenes. I hurt all of them. All of them tried to hurt me…well everyone except, “Kyungsoo,” I mutter. I gather a bit more strength. “I can talk to Kyungsoo.”

“Do you want to talk to him now?”

I grunt in response. He nods and leaves to get the male. I cough in an attempt to clear my throat. I’m going to talk, even if he doesn’t ask me right out for answers. Kyungsoo seems like the kind to do that. One to just sit and take in what you’re willing to give without asking for more or less…

I hear talking outside of the room. Voices I can too clearly put faces and names to. I close my eyes and block it out. I can’t deal with it.

One of the many doors in the room opens, and Yixing walks in with Kyungsoo right behind. “I’ll leave you two to talk then.” He says. With Yixing gone, it feels beyond awkward. I haven’t really talked to Kyungsoo, and I definitely haven’t talked to him about anything like this.

“So um, why did you ask for me?” I’m beginning to wonder the same thing.

“Who all is out there?”

He blinks alarmed at the new sound of my voice. “I uh- I mean, Jongin, Sehun, Chanyeol, B- erm and Minseok.” Even just the sounds of their names causes an instantaneous physical reaction. I dig my nails into my shoulder before forcing myself to let go. It doesn’t even hurt. I really don’t want to see any of them. I can handle Minseok I think…. but not the others. He looks back at the door where it’s eerily silent before walking over and sitting in the spot Yixing once occupied. “So what happened?” he asks bluntly.

“You know…” I start “You’re the only one who won’t freak out. I don’t know why, but I just…I- I don’t know. I’m just, I fucked up Kyungsoo.” With watery eyes, I look in his. “I really fucked up.” I whisper. The doctor walks back in with a small plastic cup of water and another with pills. He hands them both to me and I down it all in one go.

“You’ll feel a bit lethargic in a few minutes. Don’t overexert yourself…” he glances at Kyungsoo. “Physically _or_ mentally.”

I nod. “Thank you, sir.” He smiles and leaves us alone once more. Kyungsoo waits patiently for me to continue. “I got into an argument with…with…”

“I know.”

“Oh…” I swallow the growing lump in my throat. At least I don’t have to retell the details of the fight “Well I uhm…after that all happened I went to my room. As soon as I got there they took me. I wasn’t back for 5 minutes when they reappeared in my room and took me away.

“I woke up there and they did…they did stuff to me. I don’t even know how to recall it. I don’t know what really happened and I don’t know what was all in my head. There was one guy…a Charmer and he could make me see things in my mind that weren’t real. He looked like Jongin. I don’t remember his name…I don’t…I can’t remember any of their names. I think he made me forget.”

“What did you see June?”

“I saw…I saw a lot of stuff.” I groan as a headache hits me like a train.

“You don’t have to think too hard about it. You don’t need to tell me.”

“No…I just can’t remember it. Ugh,” I rub at my temples “I can’t remember but I just know that it was bad.” I knock on my head with my fist. Maybe I can shake the memories loose.

“Wait,” he says, “You said the guy looked like Jongin?”

“Mm.”

“Can you remember his name?”

“I- No.” I shake my head. “No.”

He frowns and his thick brows crease together. “That sounds a lot like Taemin.”

“Taemin,” I test the name out on my tongue. “You mean… _that_ Taemin? The one Jongin…?”

“Yes. It couldn’t be him right?” he asks himself. “If it is...how could he be alive? He was only able to read minds back then, how would he have been able to learn how to use his powers so well all of a sudden?”

Taemin. Taemin…

“ _Taemin, disorient her senses and have-”_ I blink. The memory comes and fades just as fast. “Kyungsoo,” I whimper. He looks up worriedly. “Are you going to tell Jongin?”

He shakes his head, “I don’t think he’d take it well if he suddenly found out that Taemin is alive…and took part in doing this to you. I’m not going to tell him yet.” I sadly nod along. It’s probably smart to not tell him about it. He places his hand on mine, and I jerk slightly. The warmth of his slightly rough hand is enough to keep me from pulling away. “You’re very strong, and I know that you’re scared after everything that you’ve been through. However, I don’t think that you should run from your fear. I know it’s not something you want to hear from some Charmer, but you need to see them, to talk to them so that you can be reminded that they aren’t going to hurt you. You _know_ they would never hurt you.”

“But what if I hurt them?”

He squeezes the top of my hand and smiles ever so slightly, “Well that’s your choice now isn’t it?” I inhale and flip my hand over so that I can link my fingers with his. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. He’s right. It is my choice. If I don’t want to hurt them, then I won’t. I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want to. It’s my life. It’s _my_ mind. I can control what happens around me.

I open my eyes. I feel only marginally better, but honestly that’s thousands of times better than expected. When I look back at Kyungsoo he is looking at our hands with a slight pink tinting the tips of his ears. “Are you oka-”

“You look tired; you should get some rest.” He interjects. “I’ll go calm all of them down and let them know that you’re…fine.” He unlinks our fingers and stands up.

“Thank you…for coming in to talk to me.” I mumble, unable to look at his expression.

“You don’t have to thank me. I would have come from across the world if you had called.” He coughs nervously. “You know, because you mean so much to Jongin and all of them…” he bows quickly before muttering a quiet, “Rest up” and leaving the room entirely. I stare at the door he exited through with a lightened heart.

Talking to him was a good idea.

My eyelids feel too heavy, and the world feels like just a bit too much. Maybe sleep is a good idea.

I’ll deal with life tomorrow. Everything can wait until tomorrow.


	39. 37. Fire in Ice

It’s been almost month since I came back to the castle, but I haven’t been really keeping up with the days. The new year has come and gone in the blink of an eye. I only know that it’s the new year from the fireworks I saw from my window yesterday. Was it yesterday? Or maybe it was 4 days ago?

I missed my welcome back celebration and the New Year’s party.

I don’t really care.

I haven’t seen anyone except for Solar, who comes into my room every night to sleep with me, my physical therapist (who awkwardly helps me with my hand) and Kyungsoo and Minseok. They bring me food and stay to keep me company when Solar isn’t able to. They said it must get lonely being in here alone all day.

It doesn’t really, but I don’t dislike their company either. So I keep that to myself.

Solar tries to subtly ease me back into life, but it doesn’t work. These days instead of trying to reintegrate me into the castle, she only keeps me company at night and tells me about all that I’m missing. She’s told me that her schedule has gotten extremely hectic and that’s why she’s never around during the day. Something about crisis meetings. Someone stays with me at all points in the day.

We don’t talk about the Charmers.

With the amount of time and space I’ve put between me and the others, I know I’ve only worried them more. Even so, I don’t do anything about it. I’ve told Minseok and Kyungsoo an endless amount of times that I just _can’t_ see them without feeling something I’m not even sure I can identify.

Even hearing their names causes a weight to settle in my chest, so thick that it nearly suffocates me and tears spring to my eyes. I can’t image what will happen when I actually have to face them in person.

So, Solar allows me to spend time with Kyungsoo and Minseok during the day until I’m feeling better. She’s even assigned someone else to head over the kitchen in their temporary absence.

I like being around the both of them. They’re both patient enough to deal with the stiffing silence that I bring with me most of the time, but still easy going enough (despite their quiet personalities) that they know how to slowly break through the silence without making it uncomfortable. It’s a welcome interference.

They each have different ways of distracting me. Different methods of bringing me out of this blankness that I constantly feel in my mind and heart. I just feel so empty.

Kyungsoo has been able to talk me out of the castle almost 6 times now. We don’t go anywhere special, just the garden. We only go when it’s late at night. When it feels as though the entire world is asleep and we’re the only ones on the planet. He apologizes for it not being somewhere special; I don’t tell him that to me it is. At least these times with him have been.

It’s always awfully cold, but somehow we gotten to a point where it no longer bothers us for at least half an hour. After that 30 minutes, it becomes just unbearable enough for us to run inside, teeth chattering, bodies shaking, and us giggling like kids at the goosebumps on the others’ arms.

Kyungsoo is good at making me feel warm on the inside even when the world is too cold and trapping me.

Sometimes if the mood is right, he shows me his powers. We’ll sit somewhere in the maze where we can’t see the castle, and the castle can’t see us, and he’ll make the flowers bloom. His hands rest gently against the ground, and things will grow effortlessly where his skin would lie. Places where the ground is too cold, too dead, he brings it to life.

Kyungsoo is good at finding life even in emptiness and making it grow.

“Okay, now it’s your turn,” He says as we sit next to one another in the empty heated pool area. I purse my lips and stare out the foggy glass wall where the garden was once visible. It’s late again, but even colder than usual. Finding refuge near the garden was a good enough backup plan as any. I hear him take a sip of his hot chocolate beside me.

“If…I had to choose to travel to the past or the future, I think I’d go to the past,” I mumble pensively. I tap my nails against the side of my warm red mug and shift so that I can face Kyungsoo. I can’t see the garden anymore, and while the salt water pool is pretty, I’d rather not look at it. Kyungsoo isn’t too bad to look at either.

“Why the past?” he asks with a small grin. I shrug and sip from my mug.

“I don’t know…I just…it seemed like a pretty cool time. There was a book in my room that I looked through a while ago, and there was just so much diversity in different places. I would have wanted to travel around the planet and have learned like 50 languages.” I admit. “What do you think you would have wanted to be if you had been born hundreds of years ago?”

“Me?” I nod. He tilts his head to the side in thought. “Uhhhh, I would have wanted to be a singer.” He says looking off to the side.

“A singer, really?” he nods. “You can sing?”

He laughs softly. “Yes. I think I would have liked singing…if it wasn’t now.”

“…do you not like singing right now?”

He puts his cup down. “Do you know Baekhyun and Jongdae?” I nod uncertainly. “All three of us sing for the castle residents from time to time. There’s a stage in the media room, and we go up there, they strap a collar around our necks, and we sing.” He pauses. “There’s…arbitrary criteria for what each Gaia considers a good performance; when we don’t do well according to their personal tastes we get shocked. Well, Jongdae’s specifically heats up instead of electrocuting him.”

“Oh…”

“Mmm.” He picks his cup back up and takes a long swig of the hot liquid.

“Well,” I lean forward slightly “I bet you would have been a star all around the world, and lot of people would have loved to hear you sing.” I smile trying to bring the mood back up.

“You thinks so?”

“I know so…even though I haven’t heard you I know I would have probably been your biggest fan. I’d know all the words to your songs. I’d know your schedule and appearances. I’d go to _all_ of your concerts. You’d never be able to get rid of me.” I tell him confidently.

He laughs outright and his heart shaped smile goes on full display. I find myself genuinely smiling along with him. Being with Kyungsoo is comforting.

* * *

 

“What am I learning how to make today?” I dust my hands together and wait patiently for Minseok’s instructions. Each Sunday while everyone is out of the castle Minseok had started to teach me how to make things in the kitchen.

Today is no different.

“Coffee. I am the _best_ at making coffee,” He says happily.

“I actually don’t drink coffee.” He gasps dramatically at my admission.

“They you haven’t truly lived,” I snort at the comment and he smiles wide. “Come on, I’ll still show you how to make it, and then we can make something else that you can give to the Queen. Does she still want you to bring her something that you made?” I offer a short nod and hold my hands behind my back. “Well then we won’t disappoint.”

He holds up a finger in a gesture for me to stay where I am while he retreats behind the door to the off limits part of the kitchen. I look around and let my thoughts wander. The kitchen is nice and impeccably clean every time I come in here. The food neatly organized, the utensils spotless, and all of the dishes and such in order. It’s crazy how it’s always maintained.

My gaze wanders over the pots hanging based on size over what I know is the utensil section of the kitchen. 3 knives sit undisturbed on top of the counter. I blink and they are covered in blood.

 _It’s not real_. _You’re freaking yourself out it’s not real_.

I swallow heavily and squeeze my eyes together. 1. 2. 3 seconds pass. When I reopen them the knives are back to the clean metallic silver they were originally. I mentally let out a sigh of relief.

“Hey you okay?” I jump a bit at Minseok’s voice. He’s giving me a concerned look that’s somewhere between sad understanding and confusion. I blink and stare at him silently. I know I seem creepy, but my voice is failing me.

I fucking hate this. “Uh, ye- I…” I exhale “I’m fine.” I say. He frowns but nods. I’m glad that he doesn’t push for any answers.

“I got your apron,” he says quietly. I look at the ground, embarrassed by my sudden dampening of the mood. Both and Kyungsoo have effortlessly picked up on knowing when the kidnapping pops back up in my mind. Neither of them fails to show way too much worry over me when I show visible signs of distress.

It makes me feel awful.

Minseok ties the top of the dark blue apron around my neck in silence. Still standing behind me, he reaches around to grab the other two straps of material to tie them around my waist. I hear him sigh behind me. I know what that means.

“You know you can talk to me if you-”

“I know.” I cut in. He circles back to face me and crosses his arms over his chest. His expression is nearly identical to that of what I assume a concerned parent would use when they want you to talk to them. “Minseok, I know. When I’m ready…I’ll talk to you when I’m ready. You know that I can’t. I’m just-” unsure if everything that’s happening around me is real? Not sure how to explain that I’m still seeing things around me? Afraid to get too comfortable until I know that I’m living in reality? “-confused.” I mumble, copping out.

He grunts in disapproval, “You-”

“So how do we make coffee again?”

* * *

 

“Great job! Now, just mix in as much dye as you want until you get the color you want.” I pick up the blue and red dyes to pour them in the white frosting that we’ve managed to make.

“Minseok…” I stir the mixture and watch as a vibrant purple appears.

“Yes?”

I don’t know why I’m asking this… “Why don’t you seem as…battered and scarred as the rest of the boys?” my voice wavers a bit in fear of his response. It was out of nowhere, and I don’t know how he’s going to respond to it. But he did tell me I could talk to him, and I want to know more about his life. He’s never seemed as susceptible to fear of the cellar or being dragged away like the others.

He stops mixing his own frosting to give me a long look. I stop mixing as well. “I wasn’t sold here. I’m actually here as an employee. I was hired.” He says slowly, as if it’s something he’s told me but I’ve forgotten. When I frown he continues on, “My father use to be over this kitchen, and I would come to work with him each day since I never knew my mom and we couldn’t afford daycare. I don’t even think that he knew her, my mom; he never spoke much of what went on when he worked here before I was born. How I came along and what not. I was left on his doorstop after I was born with a note saying ‘he’s yours to deal with’.”

“Mins-”

He chuckles softly, “It’s fine really. Its normal for Charmers. The Gaia do what they want with them, get pregnant, keep the girls, get rid of the boys. I’m just glad that she was apparently nice enough to return me to my dad instead of having me sold off or left on the streets. The only reason I wasn’t bought by anyone from under my dad was because I was chubby kid, and no one found me valuable. I stayed with him and reached my 22nd unscathed. It was a miracle I think.”

“Where…Where is your dad now?”

He merely shrugs. “Dunno. Haven’t seen him in 2 years. He could be dead for all I know.” He utters with such nonchalance that I feel my own heart break. I set my spoon down completely and walk behind him to wrap my arms around his middle. He tenses slightly, I just lean my cheek between his shoulder blades.

I tighten my arms around him even though a part of me is telling me to stop. I shouldn’t be doing this, but he needs it. I feel like he hasn’t been held in such a long time and that he doesn’t let himself feel weak.

But I know it’s okay to feel weak.

“I know I don’t know much about…Charmers or Gaia…or anything,” I admit against the cotton of his shirt “, but…I know how it feels to lose someone close to you and I know that it feels like when you think about it and your stomach bottoms out and it physically hurts so much that you want to be sucked into a void. You don’t want others to see how much it hurts because you don’t want to seem weak. You feel like you’re the only one who understands how you feel, but it’s okay you know. It’s okay to let others know.” I close my eyes and exhale shakily as memories and visions fill my mind. “Just like you said I could talk to you, you know you can talk to me right? I’ll listen. I’ll cry with you if you want. I’m good at being moral support.”

I hear him sniffle quietly, “You’re really good at baking, and you’re handsome, and sometimes your jokes make me wanna barf in my mouth,” he manages a laugh, I smile against his back “and you help me forget my problems, Minseok. Let me help you too okay?” I squeeze him one more time before slowly letting go.

He keeps his back turned to me as he wipes at his eyes. I return to my spot to mix my frosting more, and let the room fall into silence. For a second it feels just a bit colder though.

* * *

 

A second batch of cupcakes come out of the oven, this time we made chocolate ones. The conversation has gone back to all things trivial, and I put just a little more effort into responding and initialing the conversations. More to distract Minseok than just to talk for my own benefit. I begin to feel a bit more like myself again, at least for a little while. It’s slightly concerning how he managed to lock up his feelings as quickly as he did. I don’t press it and let him continue to play around as if the conversation never happened.

“You are honestly the worst, how are you in charge of the kitchen,”

“It’s honestly mostly because of my attractive personality.”

“I’m sure…”

“Also my attractive face, and body, and-”

“Wow, this is exactly what I mean,” I laugh out. “Do you ever stop with the play flirting?”

“I wasn’t even flirting! I was just stating the obvious, but I’d more than happy to show you _actual_ flirting-”

“Oh my _God_.”

He laughs lightheartedly, “I thought we had something going on here.” he adds a seductive quirk of his brow. Even though I know he’s joking, I feel my cheeks heat up slightly in embarrassment. I shove his shoulder lightly.

“Shut up and finish baking.”

The door opens abruptly, “Hey Min-” Jongdae appears with a smile that instantly drops upon making eye contact with me “-seok…what is she doing here?” my smile drops as well and I go back to focusing on the chocolate cupcake in front of me covered in bright green frosting. “Yah, what are you two doing acting all friendly?”

“We’re just baking, Jesus Christ calm down.”

I peek up to see Jongdae still staring at me. Great, he still wants to kill me. “What happened to no women in the kitchen?” Jongdae asks with a bit of a bite to his voice.

“The Queen said it’s fine, and we aren’t doing anything dangerous,” Minseok shifts next to me defensively, “And watch your tone. She hasn’t done anything to you.”

I cough into my elbow to try and dispel the rising angry tension that just my _presence_ seems to have brought on.

When will I catch a break? Really?

“I uh…I’ll just go back to my room, Minseok.” I look up from the boy by the door to the one beside me. “I’ll let you guys talk; thanks for dealing with me.” I tell him with a small smile of genuine appreciation. I quickly untie the apron and sit it on the counter before attempting to scurry out of the kitchen that’s beginning to feel smaller and smaller the longer I stand in here.

I’m stopped in my tracks and jerk back a bit when Jongdae grabs my arm. I stare at his grip on my forearm, catching the eye roll he gives from my periphery. He grunts and looks away, ruffling his hair, before he faces me again. I remember that I’m gaping at him and close my mouth hard enough for my teeth to make an audible noise.

“Look,” he starts “I’m sorry okay.” My eyes dart to Minseok who looks just as dumfounded as me with his mouth open in surprise as well. “I know that Moonbyul has been shitty to you…and so have I in the like _one_ interaction we had, but I’m willing to be on your side. _Just this once_. I want your help. I want you to help me. To help Baekhyun and me…and I guess Kibum,” he adds as an afterthought. “I don’t want to be with Moonbyul anymore and as much as dislike you, I know you aren’t nearly as bad as her. So help us, help us and I’ll help you.”

My mouth drops open again. I blink twice before my mind whirs back to life. He wants my help. He actually came to me for help. I promised to save everyone, but I’m not going to kill Solar to do it. I still want to free them, I still want to change the way things work, but I don’t know if I have the ability to anymore.

“So?” he asks impatiently. I can see his repressed frustration at what I think that _he_ thinks will be rejection. I want to help them, and I want to help Solar.

I guess this is my first step back to acclimating back to my “normal” life here in the castle. Finally, I nod. He visibly relaxes. “Meet me…uhm meet me in the garden tomorrow night and I’ll talk to you more then.” He nods once and leaves without saying another word. I give Minseok a what-the-fuck look, and he shrugs almost comically.

Forgetting my original plan to leave, I stand in front of the counter with my mind going at 100 miles a minute. I can’t get a solid grasp on any of the thoughts though. I feel his finger smearing something on my cheek and I blink rapidly to see flour coating his palm.

“You’re making a dumb face.” I stick out my tongue at the insult and reach across the counter to grab a handful of the white powder and pitch it at his face.

He starts to cough loudly and I laugh so hard I almost pee my pants.


	40. 38. The Tutor

Staring outside the window is as calming as it is panic inducing. Sometimes I find myself just…sitting in a chair and gazing out the window looking at everything and yet taking in nothing. It’s always quiet.

Uncomfortably so.

But being uncomfortable makes me feel better than I would if I wasn’t. Sitting in silence is soothing, but it freaks me out. As long as nothing is happening and I’m not content, then nothing can go wrong and make me discontent. Feeling this neutral feeling of nothing makes me feel like maybe, just maybe it won’t turn out to be some kind of hallucination.

I need reassurance that it’s not all just a hallucination.

3 loud knocks sound at my door. I physically shake my head free of my thoughts before turning to face it. I wait for them to come in. Most of the people who come to my room know the protocol. I can’t gather the vocal volume anymore to yell out for them to enter, so they usually just come in.

The knocking persists and I stand up annoyed. Who the hell is this and what the hell do they want? I trod over to the door and open it with a scowl. On the other side there is an unfamiliar male, his right arm holding a stack of books, his left raised in the air to knock again. He looks just as taken back as I feel, and we keep a weird tense eye contact for a good few seconds.

“Uh…” I drawl. My stomach starts to shudder in that disgusting way it does when I _know_ I’ve started liking someone. It’s happened a few too many times and I want to curse myself for not having better self-control. I should be able to _not_ crush on every fucking person within a 10-mile radius for fuck’s sake. I don’t even know the guy, but he is _far_ too handsome to be real. Like _very_ handsome and clean cut and (shit now he’s smiling) who the fuck is this guy? Can a person be this ethereal?

“Hi, sorry it seems like you weren’t expecting me.” Oh god his voice is cute too. I want to die in a hole he’s perfect. “Can I come in?” I stand dumbstruck for a moment more before stepping aside to let him walk in. He steps through the threshold, looks around, and lets out a low whistle of appreciation. He settles his books down at the table where I use to sometimes eat with Sehun, Chanyeol, and Jongin.

For once I don’t feel the need to cringe at the thought of their names.

Oh fuck, manners. “You uh, would you like to have a seat? Or…something to eat?” I don’t know why I’m acting so nonchalant around this guy who could easily be a threat to me, but there’s just something about his personality that’s just so easy and unassuming that instead of feeling like he’s a threat he seems like he wouldn’t hurt fly. It’s suspicious, but the hallucinations never featured people I had never met before. I don’t think I’ve met this guy.

“Oh thank you. I’m not hungry, but thanks anyway,” he sits down at the couch. He motions for me to sit across form him.

“Pardon my asking…but uh…who are you exactly?” I hesitantly sit on the edge of the couch directly across from him. His eyes widen.

“The Queen didn’t tell you?” I shake my head slowly. “I’m your tutor,” he says with another smile.

I squint at him while wracking my brain for any mentions of a tutor. I think I remember Solar mentioning it, but I can’t remember any details about what she said.

_I woke up in bed, heart pounding, after one of my occasional nightmares. Solar was beside me and woke up as well after I all but tore myself out of her arms. After calming me down and soothingly whispering words in to my ear, she sighs._

_“Maybe you should start studies so that you can have something to distract you. You like to learn. It would be good for you to have other things to think about…” she mumbles absentmindedly. I didn’t object, but then again why would I? if it would help stop the nightmares, then I’d do anything._

My eyes widen in realization, “Ah! You’re my tutor.” I repeat to the cute guy in front of me.

“That’s what I said.” He doesn’t sound patronizing or sarcastic which makes me feel a bit…off so I go back to staring at him through slightly narrowed eyes. I know that it’s _probably_ freaking him out, but I need to get a sense of what kind of person he is.

“I’m Junmyeon,” He utters in an attempt to ease the atmosphere away from the weird one I brought on. “I’ll be coming here around once a day to help teach you your subjects. It’s nice to finally meet you, I’ve actually heard a lot about you.”

“You have?”

He nods, “No need to worry, it’s all been good stuff. Some of the other Charmers talk very highly of you…”

I don’t need him to specify for me generally know who he’s talking about. “So you’re a castle Charmer too then?” I ask, knowing it’s obvious since he literally just talked about the other Charmers. I don’t know any humans who actually speak to the Charmers…and vice versa.

He tilts his head from side to side pensively. “Kind of,” is his answer. I wait for him to continue or give some explanation. “Oh, I mean yes I’m a Charmer and yes I work in the castle.”

Is he speaking in puzzles?

“Never mind that,” he starts again “Should we begin or would you like to tell me about yourself?” I shake my head to the latter idea and he nods as if understanding. I narrow my eyes in confusion once again while he dives right in to explaining what the two of us will begin going over.

Honestly, I don’t even pay attention to a single word he says. I focus on hardcore looking at his face and taking in the sound of his voice. He seems terribly familiar, but I’d be able to remember such an attractive Charmer if I’d seen him before. Right?

He goes on and I just watch him wondering if this is real life. Like, am I really sitting here filled with _childlike glee_ at the thought of being tutored? I want it to go away before reality crumbles to pieces.

“Did you get all of that?”

“Huh?” he looks amused at my idiotic gaping, and my stomach flips in embarrassment.

“You’re obviously still a bit out of it, so we’ll start tomorrow, okay?” he stands, I follow. “I’m looking forward to beginning our lessons.”

“I’ll be a great student I promise.” I say way too enthusiastically. I cringe internally. He chuckles and leaves without the books he brought in. I let out a shaky breath to ease my erratic ass heart. I groan and fall back first on the couch, grab a pillow and attempt to suffocate myself.

Fuck. This.

* * *

 

“You never told me that my tutor would come so soon,” I murmur while Solar runs her hand over the top of my head. She pauses before letting out a noise of recognition.

“So he did come?” she merely asks. Her hand comes to smooth down my baby hairs before it rests on my cheek softly. I nod to her question, keeping my eyes on her unusually sad ones. Ever since I came back she’s seemed sad. Her eyes lacking the warmth and energy that they use to hold. I know it’s mostly because of me. She barely sleeps in her own room anymore, and even though she has gained some color to her face and more weight she’s still not the same.

I wish there was something I could do to help, but I know I can’t.

She lifts the comforter over our heads to keep the world away, or maybe to keep us separated in our own. I’m not sure. With her legs twined with mine, and her torso pushed flush against me it’s beginning to get even harder to know where my body ends and hers begins.

But I like it.

I feel safe pressed up against her, feeling her heart beat in time with my own. She gives me an amount of security that I haven’t felt since I was around my own parents. Actually, it’s even more than that.

She feels like my parents and Tao came together to be one person and that person is the most powerful person on the planet who wants to love and protect me.

I don’t deserve it.

Our little blanket cocoon is warm, hot almost. Its nearly wide enough to be a tent, but we’re so close together it feels like a sleeping bag. I can feel her every breath, count nearly every one of her eyelashes, and clearly see the little beauty mark below her right eyebrow. My eyes lower back to hers, and she looks concerned. My gaze drops to her lips which are pulled down into a small frown. What if I just…

“Is something wron-” boldly (and dumbly might I add) I close the little distance between our faces and smack my lips to hers shutting her up in the middle of her question. She doesn’t hesitate to return the gesture. Mindlessly it becomes a mess of breaths and tongues, a tangle of hands in hair, mouths covering skin, sadness meeting passion.

I don’t know how we got to this point. Why I was the one to push us here. I don’t understand why it feels so right. I _do_ know that my skin feels alight with energy, and I don’t want it to stop.

“Wait, wait, hold on,” Solar mutters against my jugular. She pulls away, tosses the covers from over us and leans over me with her hair cascading down like a veil. I can’t get my thoughts straight though trying to fix my short breaths. “We shouldn’t do this, not like this.” Her own eyes are blown out and her lips red from abuse. She looks extremely _hot_.

“What do you-”

“I love you baby, I really do. But you aren’t in your right mind right now. I just…I don’t want to do this when I’m not even fully sure that you want to-”

“Solar,” I lean up on my elbows “I want to. I _really_ want to.”

She chuckles softly before kissing the corner of my mouth. “Maybe next time. I should go. You wanted to sleep alone tonight right?” I nod slowly, starting to regret the fact that I told her that yesterday. “Well then sleep well my love. I’ll come and see you in the morning.”

With a final peck to my cheek, she crawls out of the bed and leaves.

I collapse on my back and blow out all of the air in my lungs. _What is going on with me?_

Do I have a mommy kink? An involuntary shiver jolts my body. God, I hope I don’t have a mommy kink. It’s possible though…I think a lot of the Charmers do. Finding solace in a different person to make up for the lack of love felt from their parents…

I grimace at my thoughts and stare at the ceiling until I feel it’s been long enough since Solar left and long enough for my endorphins to have go back to normal. Dragging myself to my closet I pull on a pair of thermal pants, a sweater, and a coat that’s big enough to protect me from the harsh wind that I’ll encounter outside in the garden. I tug on a pair of black lace up boots and make my way over to the window.

Jongdae is supposed to meet me out there at some point, but we never got a chance to specify a certain time. He should be bringing both Baekhyun and the human Kibum. It’s passed the time when the garden lights come to life. All of them are brightly illuminating the greenery below my windowsill.

However, suddenly a new light beams to life. Slightly out of place, slightly brighter than the others.

The light I use to see before.

I follow its movement with my eyes for a second before bracing myself to go ahead and go outside.  “Move it or lose it,” I grumble to myself. I take a step away from the window before freezing in my spot. Going outside alone is a bad idea. They could be planning to hurt me for all I know. I need backup. I need someone to go with me.

The obvious answer pops up in my head in the form of short hair, full lips, and wide eyes. I nod to myself, “Kyungsoo…”

* * *

 

I end up standing in front of the door that leads up the Charmer hall paralyzed with terror. I don’t want to go in to look for him. Number 1, because I don’t think I’m allowed to. Number 2, because I could run into the exact people I’ve been pointedly been avoiding if I just stroll through that door.

So,

I turn around and run straight to the infirmary.

I burst through the door to the main part of the infirmary where most patients are held. “Yixing!” I call out. He pops out from behind a curtain with a confused frown that quickly turns into a grin.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he says walking towards me.

I offer a small smile. “Can you find Kyungsoo for me?”

“Uh, yeah sure. Do you need him right now?”

“That’d be great.” He jogs over the curtain where he appeared from and slings his white coat haphazardly behind it before jogging out of the room entirely. I stand awkwardly amidst what seems to be exclusively injured Charmers for him to come back.

Torn between feeling the need to look around and the desire to stay right the hell where I am, I nervously pace around in a small circle in the entryway of the infirmary for a full 10 minutes before I see Kyungsoo and Yixing rounding the corner. I exhale in relief upon seeing Kyungsoo walking over. His brows are furrowed in worry. Giving Yixing a thankful smile, I grab Kyungsoo by the hand and wordlessly drag him away.

He comes without complaint until we get within sight of the garden door. “Uh…” he drawls.

“I need you to protect me.”

“Wha…”

I stop, he nearly bumps into me. Turning around I muster my most needy expression. “Please, just…stay with me. Stay with me for a few minutes.”

He blinks owlishly before uttering, “Of course.” I open the door and the cold air nearly blows me off my feet. Even in my large coat I can tell that it’s cold as _shit_ and I totally forgot to tell Kyungsoo to wear a coat.

Mentally cursing myself, I unzip the coat and slide it off my shoulders. Standing right outside the door, I hold out my arms towards him with the coat in hands. He looks at me dumbly. “It’s cold,” I tell him. “You don’t have a coat.”

“I’m fine,” he says although the goosebumps on his arms are basically _screaming_ at me. I snort and toss the coat over his shoulders anyway.

He just stares at me while I pull it tighter over his shoulders, “Arms.” He mindlessly follows, his eyes never stop following me even as I manually put his arms through the arm holes and zip the coat up around him. “There,” I pat his chest and give him a smile, meeting his eyes once again. His cheeks are pink from the cold and he looks way too cute wrapped up in the coat that was already swallowing me.

The wind blows again and I shiver violently. We need to do this meeting quick, it’s cold as _fuck_. I turn on my heel and make my way towards the “meeting point”. I hear Kyungsoo shuffling in the coat behind me and I have to fight a small smile.

We finally see 2 male figures standing by a fountain separated from the rest of the garden. It’s nearly secluded really. One of them is playing with a ball of light, scratch that, _the_ ball of light that I have been seeing. Jongdae stands up from the ground, and Baekhyun turns around with the ball of light hovering above his hand. He appears to hit it up in the air and it floats above us illuminating the area.

“Took you long enough,” Jongdae grumbles.

“She came to find me first,” Kyungsoo says for me. I glance at him surprised at the fact that he spoke up for me, but I don’t have any issues with it.

“Yeah,” I shift a bit closer to his side, hoping to absorb a bit of warmth from the coat. “Can we make this quick? It’s really cold and Kyungsoo isn’t wearing good clothes.” I see the both of them look from him to me, and yeah I know it looks like I’m the one who’s underdressed, but he is only wearing my coat and I know he’s still cold too.

I accidently make eye contact with Baekhyun, and for the first time I’m able to actually take in his face. He isn’t looking at the ground, he doesn’t look panicked, but he does look irritated as hell. His hair isn’t pink anymore, it’s now a dark red that is slightly disheveled. It makes his cute face look strangely manly.

He grimaces, I cough awkwardly, “You both know why I’m here right?”

Jongdae is the one to answer, “Yes.”

I nod, “Okay then you should know that I have no fucking idea how to save you all. I’m just…rolling with the punches here. And honestly…” I look around for good measure “Moonbyul scares the shit out of me. I don’t know what will happen if she finds me around you guys to be honest.”

“So you aren’t going to help us?” Baekhyun cuts in bitterly. His eyes narrow skeptically and I hold out my right hand to stop him from going on.

“I didn’t say _that_. I just said I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. Do you have any idea of how I’m supposed to be helping you guys? Like…am I getting you away from her or what?”

“We want you to take us in. Like with the others you’ve been taking care of. We want…we want to be a part of it. Protect us too…please.” He whispers the last word, and I feel my heart throb at the amount of emotion behind his words. A glance at Baekhyun shows a similar genuine expression of hopelessness.

“You do remember that you choked me in the hall the first time you met me right?” I ask Jongdae, just to make sure that the same person from then is standing in front of me. He looks away almost ashamed. I run a hand over my face. This would be _really_ hard. There is no way for me to meet with either of them in public areas and I can’t sneak them into my room. They’re almost always with her. “You guys are always with her,” I verbalize. “How would this even work out?”

Neither of them offers a solution. I don’t even think that they thought this far ahead. They must be really stuck and desperate for help to have done this so rashly. I know for a fact that the other Charmers don’t really talk to them since _everyone_ is terrified of Moonbyul, but seeing them so cornered and actually coming to me for help is appalling.

I glance at Kyungsoo who looks equally as lost as I am. I look back at the broken boys before me and heave out a sigh loud enough to startle everyone around me. I knew that I’d be taking on a lot of responsibility, but I didn’t realize that it’d be this much. I told Kris that I’d try my best.

Even if I still feel like dying.

“Fine,” I shiver violently again “I’ll figure out a way to help.”

“REALLY?!” Jongdae shouts at the top of his lungs. Wow he has a loud ass voice. Kyungsoo violently shushes him and I bite back my growing smile at Jongdae’s joy. I nod and he begins to thank me way too fast and way too loudly again. “We can talk in my room-”

“Your room?”

“In the Charmer hall.” No duh.

“I thought I wasn’t allowed up there…” he waves the comment off as if no one would care either way.

“You’re ‘the savior’, as some people are calling you,” Baekhyun chimes in. I feel my face flush at the nickname. Savior? Who am I? The messiah? I doubt anyone would be calling me that if they knew how…shattered I am after being taken away. The wind whips again at my face. I wave Jongdae’s offer away.

“Maybe another time. I’m tired, and I um, I’m not up to walking up all those stairs and-”

“-and you don’t want to see Jongin, Sehun, and Chanyeol.” Baekhyun supplies. I swallow hard at having being called the fuck out by a Charmer I don’t even know. I take a step backwards in defense and Kyungsoo places a hand on my arm. Even through the sleeve I can tell his fingers are freezing. It doesn’t help that I’m basically frozen as well.

“We can uh,” another step backwards “we can talk more, later. I have lessons in the morning.” I grab onto the sleeve of his coat, “Let’s go, Kyungsoo.”

I bow slightly to the two before booking it back inside with Kyungsoo. “June,” my chest starts to hurt “June!” Kyungsoo stops me at the top of the staircase and puts both hands on my cheeks, looking at me with a mixture of anger and apprehension. “ _Breathe,_ ” he hisses. When I open my mouth to tell him _I **am** breathing_ a gust of air escapes from my lungs instead. I brace my arms against my knees for support while I greedily take in air. “You’re stupid,” he grumbles. “ _All_ of you are stupid.”

I shakily re-erect myself and place a hand on my stomach. “What are you grumbling about?” I huff out.

“I said, all of you guys are stupid.”

“Who? Baekhyun and Jongda-”

He turns around with a frown. “You know that you can’t avoid them forever, right? They _are_ your assigned servants, and Jongin _is_ your friend. They’re just as miserable as you are right now,” he says, continuing to walk towards my room. Oh…I speed walk behind him.

“But you guys are my friends now too right?” I try to catch his expression “You and Minseok?”

His eyes widen minutely before he stutters out a quiet, “Y-Yes.”

I nod solemnly to myself. “Then I’m fine. I’ll talk to them, at some point. Just…not right now.” I scratch my arm and look down at the ground to avoid his eyes.

“Come on,” he drawls, dragging me the rest of the distance to my room. “You look exhausted. Get some rest,” he instructs. I’m really thankful that Kyungsoo and Minseok exist. It feels like I’ve basically thrown away all my friends because of my own inability to face my problems. I would have felt so… _alone_ if it wasn’t for them. He slides the coat off his shoulders and holds it out for me to take with a small smile. “It’ll all be fine.” With a final pat on my head, he walks off.

He mutters a ‘ _I’ll make sure of it_ ’ so quiet I’m not even sure if I heard it.


	41. 39. Making Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays!!

So I apparently suck at writing.

Junmyeon didn’t say that, but since he’s making me start from writing the fucking alphabet I get the hidden message. When we first began lessons last week he did a “diagnostic” of my abilities. He doesn’t understand how I can speak as well as I can without being able to write or read the things that I know how to say.

So, here we are sitting at the couches by the door, a **week** later, going back to learning to how to write like a _5-year-old_. But I guess I understand. If I can’t write, there’s not really any use in learning the rest.

Then again, who even physically _writes_ anymore anyway? Like I know my handwriting is shit, but I am never going to write anything in my life outside of this. I should be learning how to type better if anything…

I scrawl through the first few letters in the word I’ve been given to copy and I see Junmyeon shake his head from beside me. “Try writing it from a different direction,” he says pointing to one of my letters “With the way that you’re approaching it you’re making it crooked and indecipherable. If you start from the top right instead your life would be a bit easier.” I pout and look at my shitty letter and then at his perfect one.

He’s great at everything he does.

I hate him.

He takes the pencil from my hand and leans over to scrawl on the paper in my lap. He’s so close and he still smells so clean. I want to run my fingers through his brown hair, but I know that it would be inappropriate on like 48 different levels to do so. So, I try to focus on his hand movements. The least I could do would be to try and impress him with my ability to retain information.

He leans away after having written a word that looks entirely unfamiliar to me. I copy the letters below his, and he claps excitedly. “See! You did great!” my face heats under his praise. I duck my head to hide my face and keep copying the word the way he instructed me to. He hands me a sheet of paper with more words that I’m supposed to copy, and goes back to writing a new list for when I’m done.

It’s quiet, but comfortable. The sounds of pencil scraping paper is weirdly soothing.

Sitting next to my new hot tutor is pretty cool too.

The silence is interrupted all too soon by the sound of soft knocks at the door. I don’t look up from the paper and Junmyeon tells the guest to come in. He’s only known me a week and yet he picked up fairly fast that I don’t raise my voice much…at least not anymore.

The door creaks open all too slowly, and I mentally freak out a bit so I finally stop focusing on my paper. My stomach drops and my heart lurches painfully.

Sehun.

The pencil falls from my hand as my grip becomes nonexistent. At the sound he finally looks up from where he had been heavily focusing on tiles below his feet. Our eyes meet and I feel a bolt of emotions hit me at one time and so forcefully that I lose my breath.

Pain. Loss. Sadness. Regret. Relief. Shame. Terror. Happiness. Lov-

No. Not _that_.

His terrified eyes tear away from mine as he bows his head to avoid my gaze. It’s almost like we’re back where we started. My throat dries up at his appearance. He’s gaunt. Unhealthily so. His complexion is too pale. His body too thin. He just seems…dead. A walking corpse.

 _What happened to him_? Someone would have told me if he’d been sent to the dungeon…he wasn’t there was he? There’s no way. I would never let that happen even if I _was_ avoiding him. My mouth opens but no words come out.

I don’t know what to say.

Junmyeon looks between the both of us with a severely concerned frown. “Sehun,” he looks up at the sound of his name. “Can I ask what you’re doing here?” Junmyeon asks. He sounds like a big brother talking to his younger sibling. Sehun’s eyes widen, dart to me, widen more when we unintentionally make eye contact again, and finally end back on the ground. Back on the tiles he seems to have found far too much interest in.

“I was uh…I was told to come and watch over um…” he pauses and then lowers his voice even further “…her.” He sounds so small and scared. My chest tightens. I feel guilt. I feel _scared_. I feel worried.

A chocked out noise is the only thing I can manage, and I see Sehun’s fists clench at his sides. _He thinks I hate him_. Another wave of shame hits, and I finally manage to close my mouth. My mind partially turns off as I try to think of what to say or what to do. I vaguely hear Junmyeon saying something (not to me I hope) and he gets up.

Panicked, I whip my head to the side just in time to see him pull a chair in front of me and Sehun unsteadily walking over.

_Red alert._

_Red **fucking** alert._

A piece of paper blocks my vision. I zone in on the sheet with new words and grasp it in my shaking hands. Sehun sits on the side of the couch Junmyeon was occupying before. He makes sure to sit as far away as possible.

I feel suffocated. Awkward. And suffocated.

“I want you to read out the paragraph on the paper for me.”

“Wha…” he laughs quietly and points to the sheet. “Ah,” I realize. I clear my throat awkwardly and glance at Sehun through my periphery. He shifts uncomfortably in his spot. I scan the paper with my eyes. Some words not resonating in my mind as things I know how to say.

“Just do your best; I’ll follow along on mine and we’ll see where you need to work on voice, pronunciation, or vocabulary,” Junmyeon says supportively. I nod and look back at the paper.

_“Let me sp-specu-”_

“Speculate,” Junmyeon supplies.

“Speculate,” I repeat embarrassed. I fucking know that word. _“Let me speculate here, Ushik…Ushikawa,”_ I look at Junmyeon for confirmation. He only nods. I continue, _“Ushikawa said to himself. Following the famous ru-rule of Oc…”_

“Occam’s.”

 _“Occam’s razor. I’ll try to find the simplest possible…_ uhhhhhh” I squint at the page “ _…explanation. Assimilate-”_

“Eliminate.”

“Oh fuck sorry. _Eliminate all unnece_ …un…uhm,” my mind blanks. I hate reading aloud. Tao was always good at this. A pang goes through my chest again. I glance over at Sehun who is still keeping his distance. I can’t do this. I’m stuttering at every fucking word because this is nerve wracking and because Sehun is so _close_ but far away and it’s driving me crazy. I want to touch him. I want to hug him; I want him to kiss me again but that would be weird. I can’t do that. I don’t know why I _want_ him to do that. I snap my attention back through the page and stutter through the rest of the paragraph. No longer caring about trying to get any of the words right.

Junmyeon leans over and circles some words on my page. “These are words we’ll need to work on together at some point,” he says from his position over my lap. He lifts his head back up and our faces are _too_ close. Everything just feels 50 times more intense right now, and I want to disappear off the earth in order to escape it. He looks into my eyes and I feel like the entire world stops when he reaches up his hand to my cheek. “Eyelash,” he murmurs while removing it from my face. He pulls back and blows it away with a smile.

 _Oh fuck,_ there go the stomach flutters.

I can physically _feel_ the other Charmer bristle beside me. I shiver in fear.

Junmyeon points to a word on my page, “Say that word.”

Retaliation. “Retaliation.” I say confidently.

“Mm,” he looks unsatisfied with my answer. “Repeat after me: retaliation.”

“Retaliation,” I repeat. He sits up in his chair and holds his hand out to emphasize the way he’s saying it.

“Re _tal_ iation…”

“ _Retal_ iation.”

“No, no. Like this,” he purses he lips and says it again. I copy. “You’re putting emphasis on a weird part of the word.” He reaches forward and squeezes my cheeks together so that my lips pucker out. “ _Retaliation_.”

“ _Retal_ iation.”

“Retaliation,”

“Retal-”

“Re-tal-iation,”

“Retalia-”

“Oh for fuck’s sake! RETALIATION!” Sehun all but screams. Junmyeon and I jump apart. Sehun stands up and personally gathers all of Junmyeon’s things before basically shoving him out of the room. “That’s enough for today,” he grumbles. I stand up from my spot dumbstruck and aggravated as I watch my tutor get forced out of my room.

Sehun slams the door behind Junmyeon and turns around with a blank expression that shows no sign of remorse for being a _jackass_ for no clear reason. He walks over and I put my hands on my hips. I knew that he was still basically a child, but this is too much. “What the hell? Why’d you do tha-” the rest of my sentence is swallowed up as he pulls me into him and connects our lips. My entire mind shuts down as a warm tingling runs through my veins. My eyes widen for the umpteenth time today. He pulls away first and then pecks my mouth again.

“Mine,” he mutters. He kisses my nose, “Mine. Mine. Mine. You’re _mine_.” Each time pressing a light but intentional kiss to a separate part of my face. The initial shock passes and a giggle bubbles up out of me. He’s _literally_ a possessive little child. Once he’s done “marking” me or whatever, he pulls me in for a hug far tighter than I’ve ever received. Tight and full of affection. “You dumb idiot,” he mumbles against my neck. “Why were you avoiding us? Why didn’t you listen? You stupid _idiot_.” His voice cracks a bit and I exhale heavily. He’s 2 seconds from crying, and to be honest so am I.

I smile sadly even though he can’t see it before wrapping my arms around his waist and squeezing him softly. “I missed you too Sehunnie,” I whisper. His grip tightens.

He sniffles and I begin to wonder myself why I thought avoiding them was a good idea. I knew that they were hurting, but I guess I was too worried about myself. I do/did miss them…under all the fear I felt. Having Sehun here makes the fear go away immediately somehow. Maybe I really did just need to see them.

Maybe I was tricked into fearing them. I was tricked and I think I fell right in to it. My eyes begin to sting at the threat of tears. “I’m sorry,” I mutter. “I’m really sorry Sehun.” He lets out a restrained sob. “I didn’t mean to hurt you guys. I really didn’t I just…I couldn’t face you. I don’t want to tell you why, just know that I physically couldn’t. It _physically_ hurt me to think about see you guys after everything that happened.” The first tear falls and I press my face harder against him. “I won’t do it again. I promise that won’t do it again…”

We stand there in each other’s arm crying for hours.

* * *

 

“Come on,” I say with a smile. The first genuine one I’ve managed to muster up after bawling my eyes out for four hours. I walk to my door ready to take Sehun to the kitchen. I want to show him how I learned how to make stuff in the kitchen with Minseok and Kyungsoo. His hand finds mine quickly. I look down at our hands and give him a look, “Why?”

“You grabbed _my_ hand,” he blatantly lies. I snatch my hand away just to tease him; he grabs it right back. I smirk. “Don’t do that,” he mutters embarrassed. I smile fully again. Fuck I missed his little fluffy self. The trip to the kitchen is comfortable and quiet. The halls are empty since it’s a Sunday.

I open the door with a bang and Minsoek jumps from behind the counter. “June,” he says surprised. “Sehun?” he questions.

“I’m here to cook, and I wanna show Sehun.” I say excitedly. He tilts his head to the side adorably, his mouth dropping open slightly.

“You…you’re in a really good mood…”

I shrug in response before taking the initiative to go behind the counter and grab the apron that Minseok had set out for me. My dark blue one.

I tell Minseok that I want to make the milk tea that he showed me how to make 3 weeks ago. He happily steps up to help me. It’s not hard to make, it just tastes really good and it looks cool when you poor the milk in.

I grab three cups from the cupboard and bring them over to Minseok. He pours the tea in each and I fetch the milk from the fridge. Sehun watches us with a small smile. The door opens when I’m opening the milk container.

Chanyeol takes two steps in, fumbles upon seeing me and then turns on his heel. Almost hitting his face on the door in the process. “Chanyeol,” I call out softly. Sehun gives me a worried glance when the taller of my Charmers abruptly stops in the doorway. “Is that how you greet someone?” I ask with a tsk. He spins back around and I swear he has tears in his eyes when his smile stretches across his face.

I hold my arms out so that he can hug me, and as expected he all but trips behind the counter to pick me off the ground in an embrace. I let out a really ungraceful noise after being jerked into the air. I laugh and try to inhale through the little room I’ve been given to breath. His lips make contact with my cheek in the heat of the moment and an obvious height of emotion.

All 12 of the kitchen’s burners flare to life. A weird warmth spreads through my body at the same time that Minseok runs over to turn the stoves off. Sehun frowns at the burners and Minseok looks confused as they go back to normal as if they never flared on in the first place.

“You don’t hate us!?” Chanyeol asks as his first question once I’m allowed back on my own two feet. He’s crying, but smiling. My heart clenches.

“You thought I hated you?”

“We weren’t there…to save you. I thought you were mad at us because we didn’t save you-”

“No,” I cut him off. “It was my fault. I should have listened to…” the slap from Luhan runs through my mind and I cringe involuntarily. I let out a sigh, “I should have listened to everyone and not have made you all leave me alone. I was careless. It was entirely me. You guys did all you could.” I can’t resist the urge to hug him again. A faded image of him leaning over me glides through my mind. I quickly fight it off. That was fake. This is real. I squeeze him and the warmth from before spreads through me again.

Hugging him feels different. Better.

I can breathe easier at having consoled him as well. The broken pieces are beginning to put themselves back together.

“That’s better,” Kyungsoo says, coming from the back room of the kitchen with a satisfied smile.

“What?”

“Why’d you call me down here again?” Chanyeol asks the smaller. His arms stay securely twined around my back.

Kyungsoo leans on the counter and crosses his arms with _the smuggest_ smirk I’ve ever seen him wear. “I was trying to get you both in the same place,” he replies simply.

I narrow my eyes, “How’d you know that **I** would be down here?”

“Because I knew that you’d bring Sehun here after making up.” I open my mouth to ask another question until he cut me off, “Before you ask, I lied to him about him having to watch over your tutoring session.”

“Why?” I ask at the same time that Sehun whispers a betrayed, “You lied to me?”

Kyungsoo only sighs, “All of you have been miserable. I know it’s not my place to try and fix everything, but I felt like I needed to do _something_.” I manage to worm out of Chanyeol’s arms so that I can hug Kyungsoo instead. As a show of my gratitude, because the world doesn’t deserve an angel like him.

He, unsurprisingly, tenses. He lets out a soft little laugh and pats my back.  When I let go I feel weirdly overwhelmed with emotion. I can feel tears starting to form, but since I refuse to be a little bitch right now, I suck it back up.

“Jongin though…” Kyungsoo continues “He’s doing a particularly good job of hiding. He’s avoiding you like a disease; it’s going to be really hard to trick him in to leaving our room and running in to you.”

“Is there any way to like…drag him to my room or something?” I ask.

“Kyungsoo _is_ the conqueror of strength,” Chanyeol chimes is with a smile that lets me know that I’m missing some kind of secret joke. Kyungsoo lifts his hand up as if to hit him, and Chanyeol jolts violently at the movement. I giggle out lout because it was just too cute to watch. I don’t realize my hand is back in Sehun’s until I lift my hand up to try, and fail, to scratch the side of my nose.

I don’t pull away. I think he’s still afraid that I’m going to disappear again.

“Maybe you can sneak her into his room so she can talk to him,” Minseok supplies.

“Tonight?” I question.

He shakes his head, “No. Just whenever you want.”

“Don’t you have to talk to Jongdae and Baekhyun anyway?” Kyungsoo asks.

“You’ve _talked_ to _them_?” Sehun hisses.

“Yeah,” I murmur “I know you all don’t really talk to them because of _she-who-shall-remain-nameless­_ , but they need me too. I’m going to help them too.”

“You should do that and find Jongin at the same time,” Minseok suggests with a tilt of his head. “I can take you to Jongdae’s room so you can talk to him and Baekhyun.”

“And I’ll make sure that Jongin is ours. We’ll move you there afterwards.”

“But what if he doesn’t want to see me?”

“He does,” Kyungsoo says with confidence “He’s been beating himself up since he left you. He’s just…scared. He has a soft heart.”

Sehun’s hand squeezes mine softly. I sigh, “I’ll do it all tomorrow.” I point to Minseok, “Tell Jongdae I’ll be there tomorrow.” I turn to Kyungsoo “Make sure Jongin is in your room.”

“That’s a given since he doesn’t leave,” Chanyeol interjects. I run my free hand down my face and groan loudly.

“For now I just-I,” I drop my hand “Can we just bake some cookies or something? Like…all of this is just a bit too much for me and I just wanna make some cookies.”

“I’ve got you,” Kyungsoo smiles.

“Can I help,” Sehun looks at me with sincere curiosity.

I snort, “Of course. Chanyeol?”

“Duh.”

I give Minseok a look, silently asking if he wants to join. He shakes his head. “You guys got it. I’m going to start on lunch in the back.”

“Okay, come get us if you want help…”

“Mhm. Have fun kids,” he says lightly.

“Don’t hurt yourself old man,” Chanyeol calls out. Minseok jerks his body towards him threateningly, but Chanyeol just laughs. I can’t help but feel like everything just feels…right.

 


	42. 40. Contentment

It takes twice as long as it should to make the cookies with the two tall dumbasses at my side. Kyungsoo and I spend most of the time in the kitchen cleaning up after the messes that the two towers consistently manage to make.

Sehun nearly chokes on the raw cookie dough while tasting it at the same time Chanyeol managed to nearly break the oven door. Chanyeol broke the eggs and got more shell into the batter than actual yolk. Sehun spilled half of the flour in the measuring cup on the floor after coughing.

It’s a mess. It’s not better that all of us shouldn’t be back here as it is.

Kyungsoo seems exhausted by the time the cookies finally come out of the oven, but he still seems amused enough not to kick us out yet.

The cookies cool down and each of the boys take a bite of one.

Chanyeol cringes and is the first to actually speak. “They aren’t that bad. Just burnt.” He frowns apologetically.

“It tastes like ass,” Sehun complains.

“You would know,” Kyungsoo throws in. I laugh as Sehun’s mouth drop in shock. Chanyeol hits his own thigh laughing, forgetting the cookie is in his hand, and smashes it all over the place.

“You guys are idiots,” I chuckle. I scrape the cookies onto a plate and pick it up carefully. “I’m gonna ask Yixing if he’d like some.”

“I’ll…” Kyungsoo looks around with discontent “…clean this up.” I begin to protest seeing as we should all help since it was all of our fault, but he only waves us off. It doesn’t take much urging for Sehun and Chanyeol to eagerly escape the messy room. I give Kyungsoo one last apologetic looking before escaping as well with my plate of cookies.

The boys all but paste themselves at my sides while I lead us to the infirmary. As usual (or at least usual to me since I’ve been here like 3 times now) its basically empty with a few people lying in beds behind the curtains. A few helpers walk around from bed to bed checking on the Charmers stuck there. Yixing appears from a room that looks similar to the one I was confined to.

“Yixing!” I whisper yell. He looks in our direction surprised, and then his expression turns to one of delight. I can see a dimple pop in his cheek all the way from across the room. I blink, a bit taken aback by the feature I hadn’t noticed before while he smoothly crosses the room. He puts his hands in the pockets of his coat. I thrust the plate towards him. “Here. They aren’t the best, but it’s the least I could offer after everything you’ve done for me.” I glance around the room “…for everyone.”

He unstuffs his hands form his pockets to grab the plate with a smirk that makes his dimple appear again. “It’s nothing. If you really want to repay me then you can just stay out of trouble. How does that sound?”

I laugh nervously. “I’ll try my best.”

“Good. I’ll eat every single one,” he says lifting up the play to emphasize. Feeling the embarrassment resurfacing I nod quickly and scramble away. All of these _damned_ attractive boys talking to me and making me feel appreciated. Ugh.

“I need a nap,” I grumble angrily once we enter the main building of the castle. Sehun links his pinky with mine and Chanyeol tosses an arm over my shoulder. “Cleaning after you two was fucking exhausting.”

“Okay great. We’ll take a nap too. I’m tired,” Chanyeol adds on.

When we get back to my room and they both flop onto my bed I can’t help but watch like an idiot. This isn’t what I expected when I told them I wanted to take a nap. “Guys.”

“What? Did you think we’d just leave you on your own?” Chanyeol asks, sitting up on his elbows.

“Uh,” I put a hand on my hip “Yeah. It’s a nap?”

“Please don’t kick us out.” Sehun murmurs into a pillow. I feel my defenses dropping immediately. The words thrown out when I went to see Kris, Luhan, and Tao surfaces in my mind. Sehun sat through hearing all of that, and then was here when I was taken. I have no idea what that did to him…to all of them.

And Kris was right.

I don’t know how to defend myself. I could be dead right now. We all know it.

“Do you both plan on doing this all the time?” I ask quietly.

“Yes,” Sehun mutters immediately.

“Okay…well maybe not _both_ of us _all_ the time, but _one_ of us are going to be with you at _all_ times.”

Unable to comprehend the statement I grumble out a curt, “Whatever” before crawling into the bed between them. “I’m going to sleep first.” Spreading out my body and shoving my face into a pillow I will my mind to shut off. It doesn’t take much before a haze settles over me and my thoughts fade. The last thing I feel is Sehun playing with my fingers as I fall asleep.

* * *

 

When I wake up I find myself as little spoon to Chanyeol with one of my hands in Sehun’s and his leg tossed over Chanyeol and I.

With all of the space in this bed…I’m _really_ wondering how the hell they managed to still end up right fucking next to me. I can’t say that I’m entirely upset by it though.

I feel protected.

Except for the faint glow of the moon and the garden lights through the open window, the room is dark. We slept way longer than I wanted to. I unwind from Chanyeol’s arm and Sehun’s leg and hand so that I can crawl to the edge of the bed. I set my feet on the ground and rub groggily at my eyes.

I have definitely fucked up my sleep schedule by napping so late in the day. Whatever.

I need something to do though now that I’m going to be up for at least 5 hours now. I squint in the dark half searching half moving just to move around. I stop at the “study table” as it has quickly become.

Looks like I’m going to study.

Since I suck at writing…and reading…and everything. I softly moan in despair and smack my face with the palms of my hands. “Idiot. You’re an idiot.”

I trudge over to the table with more determination than necessary so late at night, but I don’t want to be an idiot any longer. I want to be able to read and write just as well as Junmyeon. Okay. Maybe not as well as Junmyeon because he’s a dumb genius, but like still…I wanna be pretty good at it.

the lamp closest to the couch flickers to life when it senses my presence. I fall on the cushion and pick up the notepad with my notes and practice sheets that Junmyeon had managed to create.

I start with the reading worksheet. Trying to keep quiet I settle for whispering the sentences under my breath like a spell. Or a curse. Either works. It feels way easier doing it this way. Maybe I just don’t work well under pressure? Or perhaps Junmyeon made this text easier than the last. Still managing to not know some of the words and how to say others I circle and underline them for later review.

I get so engrossed in trying to use context clues to figure out some of the words that I don’t hear Chanyeol getting out of the bed and padding over beside me. He sits and then leans all of his weight on me, finally breaking my focus. I gape at his resting form heavily pinning me down

“Uh, Chanyeol?” he grunts “Can I help you or something?” he doesn’t respond. “Okay listen here. Either I can get up and leave you on the couch to sleep or you can wake up and help me study.” This time he groans and manages to push even more of his weight on me. I grunt as I try to counter the amount of force pushing me over and trapping me here. “So is this your way of saying you’ll help me? Since I’m stuck under you?”

He exhales heavily, “Yeah I guess.”

He lies there unmoving for at least 5 minutes before he finally shifts away. Far enough that I can finally move, but his thigh stays pressed against mine. “How good are you at reading and writing?”

“Not the best, but I can manage.”

“Awesome well that’s probably better than me so…” I point out the words on my paper “I need you to help me out here.”

I hold the paper up and he leans closer to look at it, squinting in focus before letting out a bark of a laugh. “You really do suck,” he says. I laugh sarcastically and then scowl in his direction. I don’t remember being a jackass being a part of the definition of _helping me out_.

I grab the paper I’d written on yesterday after a lesson with Junmyeon. He spoke and I was supposed to write down what he said. “Take this and read it aloud. I want to know if my writing is in any way legible.” He plucks the sheet from my hand and scans it quickly letting out giggles every 2 seconds. “You are supposed to be helping me not making fun of me,” I whine trying to snatch the paper back. He stretches his long ass limb out of my reach and lets out another hearty laugh at my expense. I give up trying to steal it and cross my arms over my chest angrily. “I’m _trying,_ and Junmyeon says it isn’t that bad.”

“Yeah, but Junmyeon is a giant nice nerd so he isn’t going to tell you the truth.”

“You’re unbelievable.” I complain. I shove at his leg grumpily trying to take out my frustration on him. “I think you’re wrong, he’s nice because he isn’t a giant dick like _some_ people.” I pointedly glare at him. His eyes widen playfully, and it makes me want to punch him or storm off because _I’m not playing around with him right now_.

“Wah, _someone_ is getting really defensive. Do you…” he narrows his eyes “Do you have a _crush_ on Junm-” I smack both of my hands over his mouth and jump on his lap to try and force the words back down his mouth. I shush him violently.

“ _Shut the hell up_ ,” I hiss. I shift so that my knees aren’t digging into his thighs anymore. “Don’t even put that out in the air.” He doesn’t say anything, but I can see emotion swirling in his eyes right before I feel a hard pang of jealousy. It’s gone quickly, and so is the look in his eyes. I give him an odd look. He looks back confused. “Are you _jealous_?” I ask accusingly. His eyes shoot open in horror. He easily pulls my hands off his mouth and shoves me off his lap. I fall to the side with an ‘umph’.

“What are you _talking_ about!?” he asks as if I just asked the most outrageous question in the world. Panic and fear wash over me next. _What the fuck_. There’s no way I can just _feel_ what he’s feeling. I lie there and glare at him with a slight frown. Eerily similar to the face I’ve teased and copied Kyungsoo over. Shit I hope I haven’t accidently picked this up. Chanyeol’s eyes dart around the room suspiciously and his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat.

I can feel the questions filling my mind. Right as I get ready to fire them off, Sehun shuffles loudly in the bed across the room. I look over to see Sehun sitting up in the bed and I completely forget what I was going to say. Chanyeol deflates in relief next to me.

“Sleep well Sunshine?” I jokingly ask the boy in the bed. He grunts before flopping backwards in the bed again. He’s going to fully wake up soon, and with the both of them here there is no way I’ll be able to get any more studying done today.

I pack up the notebook and rearrange the pencils on the table next to the stack of practice sheets I have. Chanyeol grabs my hand and pulls me up out of my seat. “C’mon let’s annoy Sehun,” he whispers with mischief swimming in his eyes.

* * *

 

The next day Chanyeol sits in on my lessons with Junmyeon.

To make a long story short, it’s been a disaster.

 First thing this morning both he and Sehun got into an argument over who would be the one to sit in. I finally butted in and told Chanyeol to come. I could already feel the headache that Sehun would have brought on. I’d rather not have him clinging to me when I’m busy trying to impress my _crush_ as Chanyeol so _quaintly_ put it.

I quickly learned that Chanyeol isn’t so much better. While he isn’t physically clinging to me like Sehun would have, he does find any and I mean _any_ opportunity to make fun of Junmyeon.

I know that he usually jokes around, but today he’s really going just a bit too hard for no reason. I wonder if it’s because he knows I may kind of sort of like Junmyeon not that I’m actually putting that out in the air because I _refuse_.

I’ve sat through around 30 minutes of nonstop (basically) insults from Chanyeol and honestly, I’m getting really sick of it.

“Okay that’s enough,” I growl out. “Chanyeol, just because you’ve got some kind of inferiority complex doesn’t mean that you have to fucking project onto Junmyeon. He hasn’t done _anything_ to you. He’s nice. Why can’t you leave him alone?”

Chanyeol’s mouth drops, and Junmyeon turns a slight pink at my side.

 _Fucking kill me_.

I roughly grab a new pencil off the table and start scribbling on the paper in front of me. “Can you guys just wait outside until I’m done with my lessons from now on? I’m not mad at you…” I make sure to say. “I just can’t focus with you or Sehun here distracting me.” I don’t want him to leave now, especially after I just yelled at him, but this is really going to have to be a rule from here on out.

“Yeah okay. Whatever you say,” he grunts, face darkening for the briefest of seconds.

I cast Junmyeon a look and he avoids my eyes, face still slightly pink. Chanyeol doesn’t speak anymore during the lesson.

* * *

 

At 2am I finally make the trip to the Charmer hall. Sehun volunteers to lead me there while Chanyeol stays back in my room to sleep.

I think that he’s still upset with me.

Sehun eagerly leads me to his _“home within the home”_ as he called it. We get to the door and he bounces excitedly on the balls of his feet.

“Are you ready?”

I scoff out a laugh, “Open the door Sehun.”

He swings the door open eagerly and grabs my hand to drag me up the stairs. I nearly trip over my own feet when I miss a stair and he keeps walking. The foyer opens up to a grand room that is way larger than I imagined it would be. I severely underestimated the number of Charmers that actually live in the castle. A simple TV and 2 couches are the only decoration in the room. A few halls stretch out from the room like secret tunnels. We walk across the eerily under decorated room to the farthest hall. A bunch of doors line the walls. There’s not much of anything else. Everything here is just so empty.

Void of life.

Severely lacking in soul.

We stop outside of one of the doors and he raises his other hand to knock when I grab it and pull it back down. “I need to talk to them…alone.” I wait for his reaction, and as I anticipated his face drops. I feel bad for bringing down his mood so suddenly. I see hurt, worry, and sadness flash in his eyes before he drops my hand and smiles despite his obvious sadness.

“Of course you are. I wasn’t going in with you anyway…get over yourself.”

I laugh softly and lean up to kiss him on the cheek. He’s too cute for words. He smiles shyly and looks at the ground. “I’ll be out in a bit,” I tell him before knocking on the door and letting myself in. There are two beds in the room, one of which is empty and made up neatly the other is occupied by two bodies huddled together. I assume that one must be Jongdae’s since he’s sitting there with Baekhyun seemingly having been discussing something important before I let myself in. both of them are looking at me with dumb shocked looks on their faces.

“You came,” Jongdae says amazed. He stands up off the bed.

“I definitely said that I would,” I mumble.

“I thought you’d change your mind since you know I uh-”

“Nearly fucking suffocated me?” I fill in for him “Yeah, well shit happens.” My tone is far calmer than the harsh words should have come out. The two of them shiver. I sigh heavily and walk towards the other bed, rethinking my decision to sit on it and instead choosing to sit on the floor next to it. Their eyes widen as if I’ve done something extremely out of the ordinary.

“Uh- Do you uh want to sit on the be-”

“No I’m fine. I don’t want to dirty this person’s space, and you guys look comfortable enough there.” I hold my hand up to stop them from arguing any further. I don’t care if it’s supposed to be a rule that I’m not allowed to sit on the ground below them or them being above me or whatever rule is in place. Right now we have business to handle.

I also have a Jongin that I’m supposed to be finding.

“Look here guys, I know I said it already, but I don’t know what the hell you want me to do. Moonbyul is, honestly, scary as shit and there is zero chance that I can protect either of you in broad daylight with her over you.” I put my hand down and give them a conflicted furrow of my brows.

“Take us in then,” Jongdae says abruptly. I set my lips in a stern line while waiting for him to elaborate how he expects me to do that. Did I _not_ just say that I don’t know how to do this? Maybe I’m not speaking Milasi, are we not speaking the same language right now? Does he think that I’m speaking in one of the older languages or something? English? Chinese? Korean? I snort quietly to myself. Jongdae frowns, “Can’t you just ask the Queen?”

I sigh, “Solar won’t just give you guys to me because I asked. Besides, you’re not just property that I can ask for like a- like a new table or something.”

“We might as well be,” Baekhyun grumbles from beside Jongdae.

I glance at the nearly silent Charmer and try to gauge his personality. He doesn’t seem to be a fan of me, and yet he’s not verbally attacking me. I don’t know what to make of him. “Why do you want me to take you in so bad? What if I’m just as bad as the Gaia? What if I end up just as bad as the other human girl? Why should you _trust_ me?” I ask coarsely. The two of them share a look.

I don’t know why I’m being so difficult right now. Perhaps it’s because they’re connected to Moonbyul. I’m still slightly afraid that she’s trying to take me down through them. I haven’t seen her at all since I’ve been back, and she doesn’t seem like the type to be so indirect about sabotage.

It would be sneaky as hell if she was going to attack me through them, but I don’t think that’s her preferred kind of attack.

Maybe it’s because I still don’t trust myself not to fuck it all up in the end. What if that guy was right. Jink…Jinki? Was his name Jinki? What if everything he said was true and people are planning against Solar? What if she is planning on making me the next Queen? What does that mean for them? What does that mean for the world? What happens if the Charmers take over? Will there be war? Will I be able to escape? Will I be able to save the boys?

I’ve already lost my family once. And then again after the orphanage…

I can’t lose everyone and everything.

Not again.

“We just know,” Jongdae says quietly. I banish my thoughts and watch as his head tilts down. His shoulders drop heavily as if defeated. I feel the familiar feeling of empathy. “We’ve had to live with this all our lives. Do you sincerely think that we can’t tell when someone is even marginally different?” He asks, looking up with tears glistening in his eyes.

God dammit I hate seeing people cry.

“I’ll…give it a shot,” I murmur while avoiding both of their eyes. “You guys are really putting your lives on the line right now-”

“We don’t care!” they chorus, scaring me and making me jolt in my spot on the ground. I grimace to myself at the new weight being added to my shoulders before letting the frown go and nodding with determination. “Alright,” I look up at their faces “I’ll start thinking of some kind of plan…and then I’ll come find you when I think of something.” I stand up off the ground and groan as my knees pop loudly. “Thanks for…having so much faith in me…I guess.”

“It doesn’t mean we like you or anything. We just know you’re on our side,” Baekhyun adds.

I shrug sympathetically, “That’s fine with me. I’ll leave now. I’m sure you’ve both got more important things to be doing right now.” I wave my hand briefly and escort myself out of the room. Kyungsoo and Sehun are waiting in the hall as soon as I exit. I run a hand down my face in exasperation.

“He’s there,” Kyungsoo informs me. Sehun links his index finger with mine and I hum as response to Kyungsoo’s statement.  

“Lead the way fellas.”

We walk out of the hall and back across the large yet empty common area to one of the other hallways. Sehun manages to smoothly slip his entire hand into mine. A feeling of comfort fills me and the tension in my body slips away. I glance up at Sehun’s face to catch him smiling contentedly to himself. I look down at the ground and fight my own grin.

When we reach the door Kyungsoo leans close to whisper to us, “He’s there. Don’t worry about anything, I’ll hold the door closed. Everything is going to be fine.” I nod. Sehun nods. Kyungsoo nods.

Sehun lets go of my hand (shocking the _hell_ out of me) and with a burst of courage I enter the room.

I slam the door closed and lean on it for good measure. The bang catches the lump under the bed’s attention and the tuft of hair peeking out of the comforter exposes itself as a nearly petrified Jongin. My heartrate picks up unexpectedly.

 _“Fuck_ ,” he hisses under his breath. I snort to myself at the curse.

“Jongin,” I start, taking small steps towards his bed. He jumps out of it and runs passed me to the door. I watch him struggle with the doorknob only to hear him moan in agony as it refuses to open for him. “Jongin,” I say more firmly this time.

_Panic._

_Run._

_Find a way out_.

I close my eyes and force away the unwanted thoughts. I don’t want to run away. I want to _talk_ to him. I don’t know why half of me feels the need to run away.

I’m done running away.

He turns around with wide and dread filled eyes. I get a flashback to the first days of us knowing one another. The days when he was afraid to look me in the eyes, and when he did he’d always have a similar look to this one. It’s different somehow now…but it’s still fundamentally the same. His back is pressed firmly to the door as if he could melt through it somehow.

I wonder if he’s forgotten he knows how to fucking _teleport_.

I take a large step towards him, and his entire body tenses. His jaw clenches and he turns his head to the side away from me. He’s being swallowed by pajamas that are slightly too long for him (they look a lot like a pair of pajamas I’ve seen Chanyeol in actually). My throat constricts from the sadness I feel at him shutting me out. At him being scared of me again.

“Jongin,” I try again. He whimpers. I close my eyes.

Fear.

Apprehension.

Guilt.

I take another large step towards him, and then another to close the last of the annoying distance between us. I can feel tears at the back of my eyes. It hurts far too much to be turned away like this. Is this how they felt when I didn’t want to see them? “Jongin,” I whimper pathetically. “Please look at me. _Please,_ ” I put my hand on the side of his head and drag it down his disheveled hair and to his cheek.

He tilts his head into my palm further and reaches up with shaky hands to hold it closer to his cheek. A soft sob escapes from his lips. I bring my other hand to his face and guide his face back in my direction. Without a second thought I connect our lips.

Actions speak louder than words, and honestly I don’t think I’d be able to covey just how I felt with words right now. The unspeakable amount of guilt I’ve felt when seeing their faces is enough to render me speechless. I don’t know how to say what I want to say to them. Not when there’s no way to explain myself. No way to let them know how sorry I am for allowing myself to be put in that situation. To have worried them. To have pushed them away after it all. To show how much I was hurt being away from them as well.

So I let my body do what my mind and words refuse to convey. I pour all of my emotions into this simple kiss so that I can reassure Jongin that I’m here. That I’m not going away. That I missed him more than he probably knows.

All of the negative emotions, self-hate, and guilt fade away as warmth, relief, and _completion_ takes its place.

My mind clouds over and I lose all ability to think as Jongin kisses me back.

I know that I started this, but he is oh so quickly taking charge of this and taking my breath and ability to function away. We separate as the need for oxygen becomes too much to ignore. His hands find their way onto my cheeks and he lets out a sad laugh while swiping at my now tear stained skin.

“You’re crying,” he says with a small smile, tears running down his cheeks as well.

I furiously wipe at my eyes before grumbling out, “So are you.” He laughs a bit lighter and pulls me in to his chest. “You could have teleported out of the room you know...” I mutter into his cotton shirt. He freezes as realization hit him and I let out a scoff. “Dummy.”

I force myself out of his arms so that I can shove him back to his bed. I push him down with more force than what is probably necessary. He bounces on the mattress and looks at me with his mouth wide open in what I assume is shock. I cross my arms over my chest and stand over him.

“You were avoiding me,” I observe. He blinks quickly twice.

“You were mad at me,” he responds.

“I wasn’t.”

“Well you were avoiding us,” he throws back easily.

He’s right. “You’re right,” I concede. “But, I’ve already talked to Sehun and Chanyeol and I want you to know as well that everything is fine. What happened wasn’t your fault. I was stupid. You guys were giving me space because that’s what I wanted, I just didn’t…need that I guess. I’m just a stubborn asshole and I’m sorry I made you guys worry and afraid.” I pout to myself. God, I really acted like a fucking kid. I settle beside him on the mattress. I shake my head and face him head on again. “The point is; I don’t hate you. I missed you, so stop hiding from me you dingus.” I shove his shoulder playfully for good measure. He blinks dazedly. I only barely catch his gaze flickering to my lips before he reattaches his mouth to mine.

Oh my God, what’s gotten into him all of a sudden? I laugh against his lips and push him back. “What’s with this? You didn’t get all hot and bothered by being bossed around and shoved did you?” I tease.

He blinks dumbly and drawls out a long, “Uhh…”

My mouth drops open. “Jongin…you kinky masochistic son of a bitch,” I grin wickedly at the discovery. He groans in embarrassment. “You like being told what to do don’t you? Does that mean you like dirty talk? Do you like being called bad words? You’re hard right now too! Oh my God this is amazing.” I sit up on my knees and shake his shoulder in excitement. He curls in on himself. I cackle and climb on top of him to expose his face so that I can see his expression. I pin his squirming arms next to his head and grin down at him. To be honest he didn’t put up much of a fight.

Jongin is _such_ a masochist.

“Do you think about that when you masturbate? Do you _even_ masturbate yet?” I pry. His chest rises and falls a bit quicker than normal and his blown out pupils show his obvious arousal at the current turn of events.

As if I couldn’t already tell that from his dick barely being contained by his pajama bottoms.

“Yes,” comes his breathy reply.

“Yes to which question?”

“Both,” he admits. I smirk at the response. I can’t help the slight pride I feel at having been the one to introduce him to the wonders of the world of masturbation.

“Do you still think about me when you touch yourself?” I ask boldly pressing myself against his erection. I can’t believe I’ve managed to find the nerve to do this so unashamed. His eyes flutter closed and he lets out a low groan.

“ _Every time_.”

“What do you think about me doing to you Jongin?” I ask, moving my hips in slow circles against him. His eyes fly open as red paints his cheeks. He closes his mouth defiantly. I tsk, l lean closer to his face and tighten my grip around is wrists ever so slightly. “I said _tell_ me,” I whisper a breath away from his lips.

He moans and writhes beneath me. His hips raising in search of friction. I lift away from him. That breaks his resolve. “I think- I imagine your fingers wrapped around me. I-I pretend that you’re kissing me and-and sometimes I would imagine how you’d feel a-aroun-”

“You’ve thought of fucking me,”

“Yes,”

Satisfied with the answer I lower my hips back to his. “ _Good boy_ ,” I praise. I smash my mouth against his. All tongue, no coordination. I completely forget about holding his arms and let my fingers explore his face and clothed body. He readily does the same.

“I want you to have sex with me,” he manages to pant out.

“Wh-What?” I splutter. “We just- we _just_ reconciled and I-”

“Please,”

“Are you _sure_? I don’t think this is a good ide-”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” he says. I take a second to think through the situation. It just feels like something about this isn’t quite right, and yet nothing about this feels _wrong_.

“Okay,” I tell him. I brush his bangs out of his face. “If…If you want to then I’ll do it.”

“I want you to want to do it too-”

“I do!” I say loudly. I cringe and deflate when his smiles that damned half smile/smirk thing he does when he’s all confident. “I just- It just…” I huff annoyed with myself. “Just take off your damn shirt you idiot.”

* * *

 

“Wow.”

“I know. I’m pretty amazing right?” he asks with a wide grin.

“You’re awful,” I say in reference to his current cocky attitude.

“You weren’t saying that when you were calling out my-”

“Holy shit are you always this high and mighty after sex?” I ask covering my face with my hands humiliated.

“No,” he says honestly. He pulls my hands away and nestles them between our chests. “I just really like you and seeing you embarrassed makes me happy.” When did awkward and cute Jongin gets so fucking _smooth_?

“Are you trying to seduce me right now?” I ask with a laugh.

“Maybe. Is it working?” he asks excitedly. I tense as a vison resurfaces in my mind. _“Kim Jongin, are you trying to seduce me right now?”_ _“Maybe,” The dangerous look in his eyes disappears as he turns back into the cute man that I fell in love with. “Is it working?”_ _I snort out a laugh and push against his chest. “Try harder.”_

I reach out and touch his face just to remind myself that he’s real. Whatever the hallucination was isn’t happening. It was just a coincidence. “I’m sorry,” I murmur to myself. To the Jongin I let burn in that house in the hallucination. To him here in front of me for letting him suffer on his own.

“What?”

I blink away all of my troublesome thoughts and offer a small smile. “I’m sorry that your seduction skills suck.” He pouts and I can’t resist pinching his nose. “You’re still cute though,” I offer.

So we lie there in the quiet of the room. Content with silence while keeping contact between our bodies. His hand rests on my hip and I let my fingers run up and down his jawline as if it’s a sidewalk.

I hate myself for thinking it was for the best that I lock myself away. I hate that I feel so content and warm and full of all the affection I’ve lacked in my life when I’m around them. I hate that I want more of it. So much more of it. It’s worrisome because I just know there is something wrong with this equation but I can’t quite identify it.

“What’s wrong now?” Jongin murmurs.

“Hmm?” I catch his eyes and he looks nearly as troubled as I feel. “Nothing,” I say. “I just missed you is all,” I tell him. I avoid looking at his expression and settle for going back to mindlessly stroking his jaw and chin with my fingertips. He exhales in a disappointed kind of way before pulling me in close and nuzzling his face into my collarbone.

 


	43. 41. History Lesson

Jongdae’s bed is comfortable. Not as comfortable as mine…but like still it’s nice. Baekhyun and Jongdae have managed to force me to be the one to sit on the fluffy mattress by claiming the floor space before I even got here. Jongin isn’t nearly as bothered by the act as I am.

But lots of things have been bothering me anyway.

I fold my sock covered feet beneath me while Jongin scoots over to lean in closer and wrap an arm around my waist. I feel far too comfortable.

“-and Kibum…you know he’s human. But he’s her favorite of all of us. I don’t know why,” Jongdae rambles. He’s been going on for about 30 minutes now. I asked for information about all of them so that I could get a feel of their personalities; to figure out what kind of people they are and what their intentions might be. I didn’t mean to get the guy going knowing he would never stop.

“Is there any way that I could talk to him?” I ask as soon as I can get a word in.

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun says “He’s always with her.”

I frown. “But so are you-”

“Literally,” he cuts in “ _always_ with her,” he stresses.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t seem to like hurting him. She acts around him the way you do around…” Jongdae motions towards Jongin then outside of the room “all of them. He doesn’t seem to hate her either.”

“That’s weird,” I murmur.

“That’s just how it is,” Baekhyun says monotonously. A squeeze at my side makes me relax the tension in my body that I’d built up during the conversation. “He’s only been here for a few years also.”

“How long have you two been here?” I ask cautiously.

“When I turned 15,” is all Jongdae says.

“For as long as I’ve had memories.” Baekhyun looks down at his thighs after his sentence. Quiet settles over the room. I glance at Jongin and he offers a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. I sigh loudly to fill the now full and gloomy silence. From just 2 meetings I’ve managed to learn almost nothing about Moonbyul’s Charmers outside of the fact that they hate Moonbyul, women, and apparently Kibum. I don’t know what the deal is with Kibum but I’d have to meet with him myself before being able to give any sort of personality analysis.

“Okay…thanks for telling me. I know its hard to have to rehash memories and stuff that you don’t like recalling, but really thank you. You’re both very strong for having gone through this and you deserve better. You really do. Hopefully it won’t last much longer. Everything that you’ve told me is going to help us all out a lot in the end.” I scoot to the end of the bed and set my feet on the ground. “I have to go now, but I’ll be back at the same time tomorrow. Is that okay with you both?”

“Isn’t it unsafe to be coming here?” Jongin whispers into my ear. His eyes are wide with worry, I smile fondly and rub the top of his head.

“It’s fine. It’s late enough that everyone is asleep. No one is roaming around except for me. You know that there aren’t any guards or anything. It’s fine. I won’t get caught,” I assure him. He squeezes his lips together in disapproval, I turn to face the Charmers on the ground again. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” Jongdae nods while Baekhyun plays with a string on the knee of his tattered jeans.

Jongin and I leave the room after neither of them shows any other signs of saying goodbye. I didn’t really expect some kind of eager goodbye, and yet I still feel off put by the lack of response from the two of them.

I offer to walk Jongin back to his room, and with no objection he wraps his arm back around me and tugs me tightly to his side before we trek off to his and Kyungsoo’s room.

When we reach the door I have to physically detach myself since he (at least not voluntarily) won’t. We end up standing and staring at one another in the middle of the dim hallway like idiots.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” I ask with my hands loosely clasped behind my back.

“Mm,” he hums.

“Okay…tell Kyungsoo I say hi too okay,” I motion to the closed door with a jerk of my chin. Looking at his feet he hums again. Why is he acting weird? Why is he making me feel weird? His lack of response is starting to make me feel upset. First the two Charmers who hate me and now Jongin? What did I _do_? I frown before grunting out a gruff, “Goodnight Jongin.” Not waiting for a response…or lack of response I spin around on my heel and start my walk back to my room where both Chanyeol and Sehun are waiting. At least one of them will acknowledge my goodbyes.  

“Wait!”

I stop with a jolt, and before I can turn around Jongin has already run up to me and is spinning me around. His lips collide with mine before leaving all to quick. “Night,” he says shyly before running back to his door and fumbling with the door handle trying to rush back in. I watch him finally stumble into the room with a smile on my lips.

God, he’s cute.

* * *

 

“Your mood has improved so much, I knew your lessons would help,” Solar says from her spot beside me in her bed.

“They did, but I also talked to my friends. I feel…lighter after talking to them,” I admit. “I don’t feel as paranoid anymore.”

She stops tracing the lines on my palm to look at me with bright eyes. “Really!? That’s- That’s _great_!” she cups both of my cheeks and I laugh lightly at her sudden burst of excitement. “I’m so happy for you. I was getting worried that you’d never find your way back to happiness. With you unwell and then everything with the officials pressuring me even harder to find an heiress I was ready to blow my brains out.” I zone out as she continues to ramble about the royals who are nagging her about naming the next for the throne.

 _Find_ an heiress.

Not _have_ one.  

Heaviness sits inside of my body. What if they were right? Is she really thinking about naming me as Queen when she decides to finally step down? I don’t know how to be a Queen. I _can’t_ be a Queen. That’s not what she wants is it? It can’t be…right?

What if everything they said was true…

Arms wrap around my paralyzed torso in a warm hug. “It’ll all be fine though. Everything is looking up now,” Solar says from her spot nuzzled against my neck. I swallow heavily as the weight settles on my shoulders. What is the weight? I don’t know, but I feel like I’ll figure out what it is soon enough.

When I walk back to my room an hour later, I feel confused. The kind of confused where you feel as though you’re missing a detail in your life and you know that that detail is either going to be the best or worst thing to ever be introduced into your life. The kind of confused where you’re both nervous and excited for the future because something big is going to happen and you have an idea of what it might be but at the same time you can feel as though it will be entirely different from what you anticipated.

The kind of confused that leaves your head hurting and your body buzzing with fight or flight energy. The question now is which I’ll have to choose. Fight…or flight.

“Oh there you are!” Junmyeon says from my bookshelf. I stop in my doorway at the sight of him and sound of his voice. I was so distracted that I forgot I had a lesson with Junmyeon this morning. He’s holding a book in one hand and is wearing the glasses that he likes to wear that make him look like a proper professor.

He’s so attractive.

“Ready for today’s lesson?” he inquires.

I step into the room fully and close my door behind me. Fighting through my dry mouth I manage to find my voice. “Yes,” I cross my arms behind my back “but I have a request for today.”

His eyebrows raise in interest. He closes the book in his hand and tucks it under his arm, “Go for it.”

I take in a deep breath. “Can you tell me about what’s going on? What’s happening in the world? Why everything is the way it is? I just…I have pieces of information about lots of stuff but I just don’t know everything about anything and if I just knew more then I don’t think that I’d be so confused about _everything_ ,” I rush out. His eyes widen at the sudden rambling. If I was better at expressing myself with words, then maybe I wouldn’t have overwhelmed him.

Too bad I _suck_ at literally everything except breathing.

“Wow,” he starts while putting the book back in its place on the shelf. He walks over and crosses his arms over his chest. “That’s a big request…I…I wouldn’t know where to begin.” I hold up a finger signaling for him to wait. Running over to the shelf I grab my favorite book. The one with the pictures and descriptions of the world hundreds of years ago. I jog back to Junmyeon and put the book in his hands.

“Start when everything was like this,” I request. He flips through the pages and a fond smile graces his features.

“Like this?” he asks softly, his eyes not leaving the pages. I hum in affirmation. He looks up and nods minutely. “Okay, we’ll have a history lesson today.” He sits down on the couch and I sit on the cushion beside him. “Well…a long time ago it used to be that only human lived on Earth. They lived across the planet like us, but they had different cultures, languages, governments and different ways of dealing with the happenings of the world depending on their geography and location. They were able to live…somewhat happily up until around the year two thousand…” he looks at the wall in front of us in thought. “Around the year 2100 I think? It had been building up for decades before then but that was around when the Earth has reached its tipping point. After years of abuse, toxins, and horrible treatment the Earth had been receiving it finally started to fight back.”

“That’s around when the Gaia came about right?” I interrupt him to ask. “I know that there was a lot of radiation or something and then women started to get affected. They got powers and the ability to use magic and the men of Earth then tried killing them off.”

“Yeah, what else do you know?”

“I know that…uhh only girls were getting it at first and human women were the ones who protected them.”

He shifts his body to face me fully, now entirely engaged in the conversation. “Do you know how the first Charmer came around?”

I wrack my brain for what Kris told me all those months ago about Charmers and Gaia. “The first son born of a Gaia and a human?” I ask hesitantly.

“That’s right. It was the first boy born from a born Gaia and human. It didn’t even happen to all of the boys born of Gaia and humans at the beginning; it was actually very inconsistent for a while. Anyway, a good chunk of time passed by where the Gaia went into hiding, the planet worsened, and then the entire population broke out into war. It was bloody, and horrible, and one of the worst things to happen to the human race. Then, The Cleansing happened. Do you know what _that_ is?”

The Cleansing…it sounds familiar. I shake my head at Junmyeon, and he continues on. “Well it was basically a huge ice age. An ice age proceeded by tsunamis, hurricanes, tornados, and earthquakes that attacked the entire planet. There were natural disasters of catastrophic proportions, and then the Earth froze over. Most humans couldn’t survive the conditions, and most of the Gaia and Charmers that were alive at the time could.

“It wasn’t until the planet thawed out that people began to reclaim it. That was done by mainly the Gaia. They began to recreate civilization. They aimed to make it better. So, over the years they recreated all of the lost technology and made it more efficient, they made a new unified government, a social ladder was set in place to punish the men whom hated them and threated them. They put themselves on the newly created throne. A Queen was put in place to rule over the planet. She was a descendent of the first documented Gaia. They made it so that all of the following Queens must be a relative to the first in some way.”

I interrupt again, “Is there any way for someone who is not related to rule?”

Please say no, please say no…

“Perhaps,” fuck. “It would make sense for there to be some kind of backup plan. I don’t know what the procedure is, but I’m sure the royals have something for situations like that.”

I frown at his answer. Great, that’s exactly what I didn’t want to hear. I’m beginning to feel worse and worse about everything they told me when I was kidnapped. Maybe they really did know more than I thought they did. “Can the Queen…give her crown to someone else? Willingly?”

He nods with a slight thoughtful pout. “Yes, it’s uncommon, but not impossible.”

Just. Fucking. Great.

“Can she give it to a human?” I ask bluntly. The real question here.

“No,” he says with a tilt of his head. Thank God. They were wrong then I have nothing to worry about. “Why?”

I shrug and relax the tension in my shoulders with a long exhale. “I don’t know. I was just curious.”

He narrows his eyes skeptically, “It _is_ possible to turn a human into a Charmer or Gaia though.” He says it as though he’s looking for a specific reaction from me. I fumble in my seat and almost topple off the couch in shock.

“What?!?!” I hiss after regaining my balance.

He shushes me vehemently, “Yes, but you have to pretend that I didn’t tell you that!”

“How do you _know_ that?”

“I know a lot of things,” he replies smugly. I scowl at the haughty smirk on his face. He knows a lot of things he says. What a smartass. Is this why he was so cryptic when saying that he was a palace Charmer?

“I have a question,”

“And I might have an answer.”

“Okay, well why do humans and Charmers not rise up to fight the Gaia? It’s…it’s not like it would be impossible right? Charmers can use magic too,” I say absentmindedly. That’s always bothered me. Since everyone is so unhappy, why is no one trying to change it? I guess I’m being used as a way to initiate change…but why is no one doing anything themselves?

“It’s been…” he pauses in search of a word “ _conditioned_ into everyone to just accept everything as it is. To disrupt it would only cause worldwide chaos. No one wants to create chaos. And it isn’t like…no one has tried. It’s just never been big enough to do anything. And, Charmers aren’t as strong as the Gaia anyway. It’s easy to crush a small Charmer or human rebellion when you’re the most powerful beings on the planet.”

“Have you ever tried to make yourself stronger? Has anyone tried to make themselves stronger?” he gives me an obviously confused dumb cute face. Ugh, fuck his stupid cute expressions and those glasses. “You know…like training. Training to get better at using your magic and making it stronger. Learning how to do new things with it.” When he doesn’t respond I scoff lightly. “There’s no way that you’re telling me you’ve never experimented with your powers.”

He flushes and looks away answering with a quiet, “No.” he runs his fingers through his hair. “I’ve honestly never thought about that.”

I wonder if any of the Charmers have tried to strengthen their own powers. I’ve seen what the Gaia can do, and I’m sure Charmers could do the same if they put some effort into it. They aren’t naturally as strong as the Gaia, but that doesn’t mean they _can’t_ be.

Hoping to go back to safer territory I settle for asking Junmyeon what his power even is.

“Water,” he says easily. He shrugs after that as if disappointed in himself. “You can’t do anything cool with water,” he mutters.

Momma’s base element was water.

She could do far too much with water…

I swallow the lingering fear I have of the woman who nearly raised me as her own in order to paste on a smile and answer Junmyeon with a cheery, “Sure you can!” water is terrifying. Hard to manipulate and able to take down anything in its path. When something is claimed by water, its gone forever. Water breaks things down and fills things up. Water is horrifying. But I can’t tell him that. I search for a way to cheer him up without giving off my own crippling fear of his element. “Water is so adaptable,” I tell him. “You can do plenty with water. You just haven’t gotten the chance to see what all you’re able to do.”

“You think so?” he asks quietly.

“I know so,” I reply confidently. His cheeks flame red. Awwww. Shy Junmyeon is shy. _I_ made Junmyeon all embarrassed and shy I can’t even fucking believe it. He coughs and looks up at the ceiling in an attempt to compose himself. I bite back the grin that is threatening to stretch across my lips.

“So, what else do you want to learn about?” he asks at last.

What else?

Why is the sky blue? How come I can’t lick my own nose? Does everyone see color the same way, or do we each see them differently? If I punch myself and it hurts, am I too strong or too weak?

“What was the other human girl like? The one before me I mean?”

Junmyeon’s body tenses. “You really want to know about that? It’s not that important-”

“Yes,” I say tersely. I keep hearing little things about her, and yet I know nothing. “I feel like…I don’t know I took her place and I don’t even know what happened to her, you know? It just feels…fucked.”

“I understand,” he nods slowly. He huffs out a large breath as if he’s about to tell a story of war and death. “Her name was Wheein,

“She was maybe just a bit older than you, if not your age. She came in maybe…nearly 7 years now. I think it was in March that she arrived. March 7 years ago.” He nods as if confirming the date with himself. “Her and the Queen were very close, but she was even closer to Sehun.”

Sehun and the Queen were close to her…closer than they are with me? I can’t help but feel slightly angry at the thought.

“-but she caught the Seven. It was slow. It took nearly a whole year before it’d completely taken over who she use to be. A few weeks after she caught the Seven she was killed in her sleep. Her body was found in the garden days after,” he finishes. Wow. That’s…terrible.

Could that happen to me?

A thousand questions pop in my mind.

“How did she die? Who did it?”

He leans back against the couch. “No one is entirely sure, but whoever did it was very discrete. They don’t know who it was nor do they know if magic was involved. All they know is that it wasn’t suicide.”

The mood is gloomy, and even though I feel as though I should stop asking questions about this particular topic, the selfishness in me keeps me from shutting my fat mouth. “Why…why was she so close to Sehun?”

“I don’t know if you know, but he was her personal Charmer as well. Along with another. But, since Sehun was so much younger she had a different kind of affection that she showed him. He more or less fell hard and fast for her. She was pretty, and funny, and extremely kind. It was almost like a fairytale princess came to into all of our worlds. He loved her a lot, and her death took a huge toll on him…even through her catching the Seven he stayed right by her side and defended her until the end. It changed him…”

I pout despite my conscious effort to keep a straight face. Sehun loved her. What about everything he’s told me? He’s made it seem as though- no. He doesn’t. None of them do. Who do I think I am? She sounds fucking amazing…meanwhile I’m here like a shitty plate of leftovers. Damaged goods. I wonder how many of them fell for her. Luhan? Jongin? Chanyeol? Maybe even Kris?

“Did you like her?” I question quietly.

“Me?” he asks. I avoid his eyes and nod. I’m sure everyone fell for her. She sounds basically perfect. “Nah, she wasn’t my type,” he mumbles.

We both fall into prolonged silence and I feel my neck and face slowly getting warmer the longer we sit. What was _that_ supposed to mean?

“Um, so what exactly is the Seven?” His eyebrow ticks up at the question. I shift in my spot to get more comfortable before continuing on. “I’ve heard about it a bunch of times, but no one has ever told me what it actually is…”

“Ah,” he juts out his bottom lip and then looks above my head in thought. “The Seven…well it’s a kind of disease that human women who are integrated into the Gaia lifestyle can get. There are seven stages that occur before the disease consumes them and so the name originated from that. The Gaia don’t recognize it as an illness, in fact, it’s only the Charmers and humans who have paid any attention to the pattern since it consistently happens the same way. No one knows what starts it, but it seems as though it just really depends on the female.  Some give in easier to the pull than others and it’s just…irreversible when complete.”

So it’s just Charmers and humans who see it as a real thing. Does that mean it’s not deadly…or really dangerous?

“What are the stages?” I ask quizzically.

He holds up seven fingers, “Gluttony, Sloth, Greed, Envy, Pride, Lust, and Wrath.” With each word he lowers a digit until nothing but his fists remain in the air. They drop down to his lap as he continues, “It was based off of the seven deadly sins in Christianity. A religion that was fairly popular before this whole,” he waves his hands around haphazardly, “era began.”

Weird names. Even weirder origins. I wonder if I’ve started showing signs of having the Seven. Nervously I gather up the voice to ask, “What are the signs of having…like entered the stages?”

I don’t… _think_ that I’ve caught the Seven, but if I know then maybe I could fight it when it starts. He said that you can’t go back when it’s complete, but how about when it starts? I don’t want to lose myself. I could battle it, I know it. There’s no way that no one has ever been able to not catch it in its entirety.

“Gluttony,” Junmyeon starts “is when you begin to indulge in more food and delicacies than you should. Having no regard for your limit. Eating more than you can physically handle and then wasting even more than that. That stage is the hardest to identify. It often times takes the longest to manifest, and then by that point the rest happen quickly. Sloth. That’s when you begin to lose sight of your ability to do for yourself. You begin to rely on others to wait on you hand and foot. You stop carrying the weight that you’re able to in lieu of lying around and letting others do your part. Greed…mm that’s wanting more than you have. Can include food, clothes, belongings, slaves, and Charmers. Envy is wanting what _others_ have. Can include the same things as greed and the two tend to occur hand in hand.

“Pride…hmm pride is when you begin to really adopt the mindset that you are worth more than others. It’s kind of like finally taking on the role of the stereotypical human pet. At this point the last 2 follow quickly. There’s nothing really left of you to try and fight against the Seven when you get to pride. Lust follows and that one is fairly self-explanatory.” I quirk an eyebrow inquisitively, urging him to explain anyway. “Exploitation of others for your own benefit.” I squeeze my lips in a line still slightly confused as to what he’s trying to get at. “Sex,” he finally deadpans.

“Ah,” I sound out knowingly.

He snorts lightheartedly. “Lots of sex for that matter. Watching or participating. It’s…a lot,” is all he manages to get out before scrunching his face in embarrassment. He shakes his head as if to dismiss the thought of the lust stage. “Wrath is the final. It’s like the nail in the coffin, and it’s my least favorite. They all suck,” he clarifies. “But this one is the worst to watch happen to a human girl. Especially since it’s often times taken out on the boys around her. Wrath…wrath is anger. Anger directed towards those both above and below you. Resorting to violence and abuse when you can’t get your way with everything in your life. That’s all seven. It’s…it’s hard to pinpoint exactly when it starts, but others would be able to tell fairly early on in the process if you’ve got it.”

“Is there a way to fight it?” I ask quietly, afraid to hear the answer that I know he’s going to give.

Junmyeon leans back further into the cushions of the couch as if the weight of the question is pushing him down. He blows out a raspberry before answering. “Since it happens so subtly at first and then speeds up, it’s hard for people to catch on in enough time to stop it. I haven’t met anyone who’s met anyone who’s successfully gotten out of it.” He shifts his gaze from the window to my face. Something changes in his expression and suddenly worry fills me. “If it happens to you, don’t blame yourself alright? It’s hard to resist the pull of lavish living.”

I shift away irritably. “I’m not going to catch it. There’s no way I’d let myself become like them.”

The heavy feeling in his eyes doesn’t disappear even as he manages out a small sad smile. “Wheein thought the same,” he tells me. His eyes drift back to the window and with his words a thick tension settles in the room like a warm and moist blanket.

So…I’m fucked is what he’s trying to say.

My hands are starting to feel clammy and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve been placed on a chessboard and I’ve been trying to win the game, but someone else already knew that I’d run into this block.

I wonder if Kris knew this would happen.

I wonder if all of them think that I’ll catch the Seven.

Maybe they think that I’ll find a solution before it starts. Maybe they assumed that I’d be able to power through and still find a way to save us all. Maybe they overestimated me.

If Junmyeon believes it will happen then…

I don’t even want to think about it.

I’m just Wheein 2.0.

“So, any other questions?” Junmyeon’s voice breaks through my impending mental breakdown or maybe even identity crisis. His face is clear of the look from before. I can’t tell if he’s just good at masking his emotions or if he’s genuinely managed to move on from the bomb he just dropped on my life.

I need time to think. I need space to be alone. I need to figure out the situation I’m in so that I can work out of it. I’m in far too deep to run. Far too deep to abandon this mission. Far too involved to be able to escape. I’ve gotten my hand in to too many pots when I should have just stuck to finishing one.

I shouldn’t have gotten so involved with all of the Charmers. If I had left like I wanted to that day I woke up at Kris’s and ran even though Tao said to stay, then I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have been brought here. I wouldn’t have met Kris, Luhan, Jongin, Jongdae, Sehun, Minseok, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, Yixing, Baekhyun, or even Junmyeon. I wouldn’t have gotten involved in their lives and I wouldn’t have such a hard time thinking straight about my situations.

Maybe I just suck at thinking with my brain.

I’ve let my emotions run far too much of my life.

I shouldn’t have started liking Solar, hell I shouldn’t have started liking _mutts_. I should have minded my business and let someone else handle this boiling shit storm. I shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first fucking place.

I feel tears prickling at my eyes. Junmyeon’s own widen and he stiffens before frantically apologizing. I can’t even hear his words.

I shouldn’t have gotten involved, but then I wouldn’t be where I am. I wouldn’t have the friends that I have. I wouldn’t have the close relationships that I do with the Charmers here. I could have even died in that fire with the rest of those at the orphanage.

I wouldn’t have found a place where I actually feel…wanted. Needed even.

A tissue is shoved in my face. A frantic Junmyeon holding it with a flushed and distressed face. I release a half laugh half sob and take the tissue from his trembling fingers. He doesn’t know how to react around crying women it seems.

“I’m sorry,” I manage to croak out. I swipe at my tears and blow my leaking nose into the soft tissue. “I just…I don’t understand how the sky is blue and it’s been driving me crazy for years,” I lie. His face falls in what might just be shocked irritation before he composes himself and runs his hand through his hair with an exasperated laugh.

“That’s why you’re crying?” he asks in disbelief.

I nod and let another sob/laugh out to make my point. He shakes his head fondly and adjusts his glasses before pulling me in for a very awkward but heartfelt hug.

“That’s nothing to cry about…” he murmurs while rubbing my back soothingly. “But if you must know, the sky isn’t actually blue it just appears to be blue because of the way we interpret light and the strength of-”

I tune the rest of what Junmyeon says out. I let myself mindlessly feel the timbre of his voice from his chest against my cheek as he talks.

The panic from before passes as Junmyeon’s voice eases away my anxieties. Somehow, I feel re-energized again. Ready to take on the world and solve all of the issues I’ve managed to get involved in. I won’t let the Seven or anyone stop me.

I can’t quit now. I’m far too involved.

And besides,

They need me.


	44. 42. Is It Love, or Am I Selfish?

It turns out that Junmyeon actually knows a whole lot about literally _everything_. After my little breakdown, I got the chance to ask him the stupid little questions that I’d always been curious about. It took a few minutes of me convincing him that ‘yes, I really am crying about the sky’ and ‘no, I promise it’s nothing more than that’.

He went on to answer my other questions with obvious skepticism, and in order to distract both him and myself I made sure to bring up any random question I could think of. After I had stopped crying enough to actually listen to his explanation about why the sky is blue, he went on to explain why it was that I can’t lick my own elbow.

He went ahead and showed me that it was possible by doing it himself. He’s a not a fucking person I’m telling you. He’s like…an alien. Not real. I don’t know how he’s here on this planet. When I asked why it is that _I_ can’t do it, he gave me a dull ass answer.

Apparently I lack both the shoulder flexibility and tongue length to do it.

I also learned that Junmyeon has quite a long tongue. He can touch his nose with it too. I had to quickly change the topic and force him to stop showing me his freakishly long tongue before my thoughts roamed places where they shouldn’t during a _lesson_ of all things.

I asked if he knew how many stars were in the sky (lots, and they’re probably all dead at this point he said rather bluntly); I asked if he knew any of the old languages (he does, he taught himself a bit of Korean; whatever that is). When I asked if he believed if it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at a time (it was in _no way_ specific and I was merely curious as to what he thought so don’t get any ideas) he gave a rather long answer.

“I believe so. Especially in times like this. Finding affection and having it actually be love is so hard these days that it wouldn’t be hard to fall for multiple people…then again it _is_ hard to find actual love, so maybe it’s consequently harder to be in love with more than one person. Many people confuse love for other things. It’s not uncommon for it to actually only be a kind of selfishness. A selfishness of not wanting to let both of the people you _love_ go. You want to keep them both because you like the attention and affections they can provide, but that not love. That’s just seeking and finding comfort in attention. Love…love is different. It’s hard to put in to words,” he chuckled softly.

“Have you ever been in love Junmyeon?”

He scoffs. “No.”

“You don’t seem to think of it very highly. Do you even believe in love?”

“It’s not that I don’t believe it exists it’s just…I don’t believe that it’s as easy to find and keep as people make it out to be. Love is…love is a kind of unconditional trust and connection that doesn’t just come by and stay. It’s not easy to be in love. When you love you have to work to keep it. When you don’t put in the effort it’s easy to “fall out” of love. People let lust and passion drive them into relationships and they label it love, but as soon as the passion fades they don’t stay.

“Love is hard and people don’t get that. It’s supposed to hurt. You’re supposed to cry. You’re supposed to get mad at one another because that just shows how much you really love each other. If you don’t drive each other crazy, then can you really call it love? I don’t think so. You have to learn to accept the good and bad of each other and that doesn’t mean that you even have to love everything about them, but you have to love them regardless. Love is difficult and it can test every nerve in your body. Do I believe it exists? Yes. Do I believe that many people have genuinely experienced it? No. I don’t think that I will either. It’s too much work, and I don’t think that I could get myself to accept every part of a person just because I love them. I don’t work that way.”

I look at him for a long time after that. It seems as though he’d thought about this before, and judging from the way he talks about it I could tell that he didn’t have a good experience with it.

“How about you?” he asks. His eyes are too open and expressive looking in to my own. He pushes up his glasses and waits for my answer.

How about me? Have I fallen in love…or do I believe in it?

“Yes,” I lick my dry lips and break eye contact before going on. “I…believe it exists and I think that I have been. I agree with you…for the most part. Being in love sucks to be quite honest,” I admit with a dry laugh. “It sucks, but I disagree with the fact that you think it’s slow and you have to make it happen. I think that you can fall in love quite fast and then it takes time to realize it. I think that…love…well love is easy. Love is all around us and it’s always there ready for you to take in. You just have to be open to it. If you don’t want to love then you won’t, but it’s not hard to fall when you’re prepared for the drop.

“To me…love is when you care so much for someone that part of your thought process is dedicated to them. Did they eat? Have they gotten home? Are they happy? You want the best for them at all times, and yeah they can drive you insane but it’s just because they don’t care for themselves as much as they deserve to be cared for. You want to show them how much they mean to you and the world by being your best and helping them be their best, and that’s not easy. It’s hard to show others how important they are when they’ve spent so long thinking the opposite. Love doesn’t have to be a job. Some people love from afar and other love from up close. It just…it depends on what you think will be best for the person you love. Sometimes you leave people out of love. Love is selfless.” I bite the inside of my cheek and let out a shaky sigh.

My mom left me out of love. Saving me was an act of love, and that’s something that tore the both of us apart. I never left Tao out of love. I stayed by his side because he needed me just as much as I needed him. I couldn’t live knowing that my absence would upset him.

I look back at Junmyeon with newfound confidence. “Love is hard…but it’s so easy if you allow yourself to just feel it. It’s worth the risk of getting hurt if it makes the other better off you know?”

He stares at me for a long time after that.

“Mmm. I hear you,” is all he says.

A good few hours pass of Junmyeon and I talking. Me asking questions. Him answering. Us debating about abstract feelings and thoughts. I get a chance to clear out a lot of the confusion in my head that’s been building up for months, years even. I _almost_ forget about the conversation about the Seven after talking about trivial things with him for so long.

Sehun comes in just as we start getting into an argument over whether or not pineapples should go on pizza (they don’t and he’s a terrible person for thinking they can). He looks at the two of us with a pouty frown.

“Is everything okay? You’ve been in here for a long time…”

“Yeah everything’s great! We just got caught up in conversation,” I explain with a smile. At that he takes the initiative to come over and plaster himself to me on the couch. I can fill him glaring at Junmyeon over my shoulder. “Sorry for keeping you so long, and thanks for entertaining my questions,” I say genuinely.

Junmyeon waves it off humbly. “I had fun. It was no big deal.” He squeezes my shoulder before standing up to leave. “Rest up. I’ll see you next time, okay?”

I nod eagerly and he waves to both Sehun and I before finding his way out.

“You two have gotten awfully close,” Sehun grumbles into my shoulder. We’ve gotten close? Surely not as close as I’m sure he and Wheein were…

“That’s because he’s my tutor and I see him nearly every day. Did you expect me not to get close to him?” I ask bitterly. The venom in my voice comes out and shocks the both of us. He pulls away with widened eyes. I search for a way to apologize, but I can’t find the right words. There’s no way to explain myself without bringing up Wheein, and I don’t know if he’s even over her.

I turn away and mentally punch myself at having been so mean to him. He didn’t deserve that. “I-I’m sorry. I’m just tired,” I mutter weakly.

When we lie in bed, I feel worse about having snapped at Sehun the way that I did. The conversation about love with Junmyeon floats around in my mind all the way up until my final moments of consciousness. I think about all of the guys around me and decide that maybe Junmyeon was partially right about love, and maybe I’m just selfish.

Sehun doesn’t hold my hand that night.

* * *

 

February came and went in the blink of an eye. I spent my days the same. Solar is in the castle less and less these days, but when she is I spend time with her. When she isn’t I stay with Junmyeon and we have our lessons. Since I’ve advanced in reading, writing, and speaking we’ve started to go over the laws of the land. It feels terribly foreboding. If we finish in enough time we will work on seeing if he can do anything with his magic.

We haven’t gotten very far.

But, he _is_ getting better at using it now.

I go up to the Charmer hall nearly every day now. I don’t really mind most of the Gaia seeing me. It seems as though I’ve gathered enough sympathy from nearly the whole kingdom after the kidnapping happened. Most of them think it turned me crazy and that _that_ is the reason I’m always around the Charmers. I don’t interact with the royals in the castle enough to actually know what they think of me, but if being crazy will excuse my being friendly with Charmers then I’ll keep playing the role of the crazy human girl. They don’t even make me come to the castle meals in the dining room anymore thanks to my current mental state.

I’ve never been more grateful for being kidnapped.

I do, however, still avoid Moonbyul with an amount of desperation that I can’t believe I have. If the thing about me potentially being the next Queen is true, then I know that she isn’t going to take kindly to seeing me in the halls of the castle. She _especially_ won’t like it when she finds out I’ve been going behind her back and ‘cavorting’ with her Charmers. To save my own skin, I decide to do everyone a favor and just stay the hell out of her way.

But I do still meet with Jongdae and Baekhyun every now and then. They seem to hate me just a bit less with each meeting. That’s not to say we’re anywhere near being pals.

It was awkward with Sehun and Chanyeol for a while. Both of them seemed to be uncomfortable around me until about a week ago. I don’t know what happened, but they’ve gone back to normal as if the awkwardness never happened.

I don’t know how Jongin has managed to sneak around as much as he has lately, but I’m not complaining. Seeing him is always comforting. Whatever the reason for his sudden surplus of free time, I hope it stays this way.

It’s March now, and my birthday is sometime this month.

I can’t remember the date exactly. It’s either the 12th or the 14th. Maybe it’s the 21st?? Whatever. Despite not knowing the date, I know that it’s my birthday month and I know that I’ll be turning 20.

Solar knows and has already started making big plans for the 15th since it’s the middle of the month and is close enough to the dates I think my birthday might be on.

Speaking of Solar, she gets back to the castle at 1am one morning and summons me to her room. Chanyeol grumbles sleepy, but doesn’t wake when I slide out of the bed to go to her room. The Charmer with the tattoos (I’ve learned his name is Raul) walks me to her room in silence and leaves me at the door knowing that I know how to let myself in at this point.

When I enter, she’s still fully dressed and looks beyond tired. She almost looks her age. The whole 123 years. It’s concerning. Her silver gown rustles against the bed as she lazily lifts her feet and lets two nameless humans slide off her heels. Another takes her crown off her head and takes it to her jewelry room to be put with the others.

“Ah you’re here,” she says through a yawn. Her bare feet settle against the carpet as she stands and the 2 humans who took off her shoes go to take off her dress for her.

“You seem tired; I can just come back in a few hours after you get some slee-”

“No it’s fine. This will be quick. I just wanted to talk to you about your party in 2 weeks,” she says. The dress crumples to the floor leaving her in a silky slip. She collapses back on the bed and lets the humans go to work on taking off her makeup. She seems entirely unaffected by their presence. Maybe it’s because she’s so use to this.

I didn’t even know that the humans did things outside of just… _standing_ against the walls like decoration and cleaning.

“My party…oh. If you really have to host one, then I want it to be as small as possible. I know that you have to invite advisors and all of that stuff for royal image reasons, but other than that I don’t want it to be that big of a deal,” I say absentmindedly, following the bustling boys with my eyes.

“What do you want for your birthday though?”

“Nothing.”

“Really, what do you want?”

“Nothing! I literally have more than I could have asked for here with you than I’ve ever dreamed of. I couldn’t ask for anything else,” I say full heartedly.

She grunts in disapproval, but doesn’t fight me on it any longer. The humans make quick work of helping her in her pajamas and then quickly returning to stand against the wall as if they’re magical furniture.

Ironic really.

“Fine. That’s all. You can go back to bed if you’d like,” she yawns out.

“You too. Please take care of yourself. You look exhausted,” I murmur sadly. She chuckles and shakes her head.

“I’ll be fine. I’m the Queen after all. It takes a lot more than exhaustion to kill me.” With a wink and a wave, she signals for me to go. I feel unsettled at her parting statement.

* * *

 

When I wake up for the second time in the day, I wake up entirely alone. There’s no sign of Chanyeol outside of the messy sheets on the other side of the bed where he was sleeping last night.

I don’t think much of his absence and instead go to freshen up for another day of wandering around and being a palace nuisance.

In search of breakfast I set off with the kitchen in mind as my destination. I know that I’ll run in to either Minseok or Kyungsoo, I can’t think of a better way to restart my day.

On the way there I can hear singing coming from the game room. A voice I don’t think I’ve ever heard and laughter that sounds a lot like someone who I’ve never in my life thought I’d hear laugh in happiness.

Sneaking along the wall, I peak my head into the room to see if what my ears are hearing is true.

Kibum is on the stage with the microphones singing and dancing along to some song that I’ve never heard. Colorful lights are shining on the wall behind him and moving around energetically as Kibum performs. He has a really nice voice…

The laughter sounds again, and I feel shivers run down my spine upon seeing Moonbyul smiling and laughing on the couch in front of him. She seems so genuinely joyful and at ease that I feel alarm bells go off in my head.

Moonbyul doesn’t do happy.

Does she?

Beside her sits Jongdae. Head hung low, back hunched, and looking overall miserable. I watch the situation silently for a solid minute.

Why _does_ Kibum get special treatment? I didn’t believe them when they told me, but this is obviously different from how she…or _anyone_ would treat and react to their Charmers. Let alone a _human_.

He’s a human…they don’t even _talk_ to humans. At the least he should be receiving the same shit treatment as Jongdae and Baekhyun. What has he done to earn her favor?

Jongdae sneezes beside her and her smile twitches. Kibum, with eyes closed, continues singing passionately until the sound of a slap rings through the air.

 _Oh fuck._ I slap a hand to my mouth to keep the soft yelp I made from going too far. Kibum opens his eyes shocked and looks at Jongdae with worry.

Jongdae doesn’t move.

An expression I’m more familiar with sets on her face as she glares at the Charmer in disgust. I can’t hear what she says to him over the jovial music still playing in the background of the scene.

I can’t watch any more of this.

Part of me wants to walk in and interrupt, but an even bigger part of me knows that I should just fuck off before she takes out her anger on me.

 _She can’t hurt you, Solar would kill her_.

Yeah…but I still don’t want to risk it.

With a guilty heart, I walk away from the game room and to the kitchen where I was originally headed.

“June!” startled, the first thing I see (and hear) in the kitchen is Minseok. He’s waving me behind the counter with a wide and gummy grin that has brightened the sky, has cleared my skin, has made the worlds crops grow.

“Minseok, why are you so-” a box is shoved to my chest as soon I’m behind the counter “-excited?” the box is small and wrapped in a light green paper with purple ribbon that ties into a bow on top. It’s been wrapped immaculately.

“You never told us what you wanted for your birthday. But, Kyungsoo and I got you this anyway,” he says cheerfully. I blink owlishly at the box and then at Minseok’s smiling face.

“Dude…” I laugh in disbelief at the present. “Why? My birthday has never been a big deal, and I feel _terrible_ accepting a gift from you guys when I don’t even know _your_ birthdays an-”

He makes a loud noise to interrupt me. “I don’t know my birthday either, and we _wanted_ to get you this so just take it.”

“But-”

“I will gladly make you feel shitty for not taking it-”

“Fine! Don’t do that. I hate when you make me feel guilt for stuff I don’t deserve to feel guilty about,” I grumble bitterly. I forget to take something out of the oven once and accidently charred a pan, and now he won’t let me live it down. “Can I open it now?”

“Nope,” he says, popping the ‘p’. “Open it the night before your party.” He shakes the box slightly as a sign for me to grab it. I wrap my hands around the box and our fingers touch for a brief second before he removes his hands entirely. “Now take it back to your room and put it somewhere safe. If you lose it I won’t forgive you!” he points his finger at me threateningly, but the grin on his face ruins it.

I roll my eyes. “Okay, I’ll be back afterwards.”

“Mm,” he hums before stuffing his hands in his apron pockets. I drum my fingers on the box on the way back to my bedroom. I wonder what’s inside of it. Knowing them, it’s something food related.

Then again, if I’m not allowed to open it yet it couldn’t possibly be actual food. Nothing can just sit out for 2 weeks without spoiling…unless it’s chips or something.

I sit the box on top of one of the many tables in the room. One of the ones closest to my bed so that I won’t forget where I sat it. It’s in plain view so that I can look at the pretty wrapping when I have the chance.

I bet they gave me a fuck d-

The door slams open with a bang, “Yah! June!”

Why is everyone yelling my name today? I twist around to see Chanyeol charging at me with a wide ass grin on his face. “Come with me!” he commands. His large hand wraps around my wrist and tugs me towards the door.

“Why?” I question.

He sighs dramatically and faces me with impatience. “Can you just come on and let a surprise be a surprise?” I keep my mouth closed and frown skeptically. Chanyeol and surprises? Yeah, that never sounds like a good idea.

It’s the middle of the week and the castle is nearly full with occupants. Gaia are milling around minding their own business, and yet for some reason they pay no mind to Chanyeol dragging me through the corridors all the way to the Charmer hall.

The crazy human girl is at it again, I’m sure that’s what they’re thinking.

After Solar’s apparent blow up when I was gone, no one really fucks with me. It’s as if their scared of me or something. Not that I’m bothered by it. I’m trying to fucking survive, and even though it’s fucked I had to be kidnapped for people to leave me alone I eagerly welcome the quiet in the bullying.

I’m just glad that now I can be around people who make me happy instead of having to tolerate those who make me anxious and on edge.

We get halfway up the narrow staircase before I hear chatter and shuffling of bodies. When we get to the top I hear a surprised scream-gasp that sounds distinctly like Sehun. In a frantic shout he yells, “Cover your eyes!”

I instantly smack my hands over my eyeballs. Another pair of hands are placed on top of mine to keep me from peaking (the person smells a lot like Jongin), and someone else hugs me from behind before placing their chin on my shoulder (feels like Chanyeol).

I hear at least 20 curses from 5 different people, and the shuffling around gets even more wild. Honestly, I’m just curious as hell now. I smile at the thought of some of the guys rushing around doing who knows what. Probably putting out some type of fire knowing them.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo’s voice “Open your eyes.” I open my eyes and only see darkness, the other pair of hands get removed and then I lower mine slowly.

The normally undecorated room is now covered in colors and floating objects and my jaw drops in awe. Paper banners, elemental statues, and magical decorations fill the common area making it feel less lonely and more like a home. The TV has a fake fire displayed on the screen, and the room is full of smiling Charmers, all of which I’ve seen around the castle at one time or another. Everyone has a comfortable smile on their face, and then there are the Charmers I’ve actually gotten close to: Kyungsoo, Minseok, Yixing, Sehun, Junmyeon, and even Jongdae and Baekhyun. Chanyeol and Jongin (I guessed right haha) move from their spots beside me to stand next to the others who are collectively holding a large cake in their hands.

The words ‘Happy Birthday!’ are scrawled across the top in happy writing. _What the hell_.

“Happy Birthday!” they all (well most of them) yell in unison (I hear Sehun specifically breaking through and messing up the otherwise perfectly unified chant). I gape around the room, stunned to silence.

I don’t even know what to think. What is everyone doing here? Is this even allowed? How’d they manage to bake a big ass birthday cake without anyone letting it slip and no one getting in trouble? How did I not know that they were planning on doing this?

I can see everyone start fidgeting uncomfortably at the prolonged silence and lack of a proper reaction from me. Just as I manage to think of the words to say, I cover my face with my hands and burst out in ugly tears.


	45. 43. It's My Birthday I Can Cry if I Want To

“She’s crying,” Yixing whispers.

“Yeah no _shit_ ,” Jongdae mutters.

“Do something,” Chanyeol hisses right before I hear skin hitting skin and Sehun grunt in pain.

“I’ve never seen her cry like this before. Did we do something wrong?” Minseok asks. To me or to the group I’m not sure.

“No, I don’t think so,” Junmyeon adds in.

Kyungsoo tentatively calls out my name and I finally manage to pull myself together. I sniffle and swipe at my face with the sleeve of my shirt. “I-I’m sorry. I just, this is just- I’m just really happy,” I manage to squeak out.

Yixing loudly ‘awws’ and makes the first move to come over and hold me in a warm hug. As soon as his arms touch my back I laugh and then sniffle again. The others join in the embrace soon enough. Jongdae and Baekhyun awkwardly pat the shoulders of the other guys. The other Charmers in the room laugh good naturedly at the whole scene.

I can hear at least 2 of my friends crying in the huddle. “ _Stop crying you’re making me cry_ ,” Chanyeol whines right in my ear. My entire existence feels protected in warmth and affection. The tears finally stop flowing and I let out a loud snort at the wobbling group of boys.

“Okay, this is getting gross let go,” Kyungsoo grumbles from somewhere squished between Jongin and Junmyeon.

Someone manages to _entirely_ lose their balance, and thanks to that one mistake we all topple over into a pile with a loud _“Oh shit!”_ My head knocks against Minseok’s and I’m pretty sure I kneed Sehun in the dick on the way down. Someone lands an elbow right into my tit and I get what feels like a kick to my back.

Various groans and grunts resound from the pile of bodies as we all try to suck up our newly received injuries.

“My fucking _nipple_ ,” I groan out. “Who the _fuck_ hit me in the tit?!”

“Fuck your nipple, you hit me in the _dick_.”

“Get your knee out of my _ass, Jongdae_.”

“I can’t fucking move because Chanyeol’s fat ass is crushing my _leg_.”

Finally, everyone starts to slowly crawl out of the doggy pile that was created. When the weight that was on top of me is gone, I roll to the side so that I’m not half on Junmyeon half under Jongin. Baekhyun watches the scene with a frown.

I guess he managed not to get stuck in the mess of limbs.

I rub my head in the spot where it collided with Minseok’s, and look around the room disheveled. Everyone not involved in the crash has begun eating and talking to one another as if we don’t exist. Everything just feels relaxed and exactly like the kind of party I would want to go to if I had a choice.

There are at least ¾ of the castle’s Charmers here, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of them smile before this moment. None of them are humans.

I really think that the two races of men dislike one another. If the way Jongdae and Baekhyun talk about Kibum isn’t enough of a clue.

Jongdae.

I quickly look around for the Charmer in hopes of making sure that he’s okay. The scene that I witnessed earlier was harsh, and I only hope he doesn’t have any injuries from after I left. A glimpse of him shows no physical injuries, and I feel relieved to see that nothing else awful happened in my absence. He doesn’t seem all that affected by it…which I guess is…good?

Food is lying out on a table and everyone is digging in and claiming enough to fill themselves up. They’re all ravenous, really.

I swipe a piece of chicken and a napkin and settle on the empty couch in front of the fake fire. You know, fire is pretty nice when it isn’t destroying everything in its path. Fake fire is nice.

Abruptly the couch dips on either side of me. Minseok on my left and Sehun on my right, each of them with their own plates of food. Kyungsoo claims a spot on the ground in front of me and Chanyeol and Junmyeon steal the spots next to him. Jongin steps inside of the almost circle and squishes inside so that he can sit directly in front of me and lean against my legs. Kyungsoo gives him a look. Yixing pulls up a chair next to Junmyeon, and Jongdae and Baekhyun subtly scoot in on the edge.

“Are you ready for your party?” Yixing asks with an eager smirk.

I scrunch up my face. “No. It’s going to be mostly the Gaia and half of them are going to be Solar’s advisors. She says that it won’t be big…but it’s still going ot end up being larger than I want it,” I complain. Not to mention I don’t really feel good about any kind of palace party after the last.

“At least it’s only a day this time,” Sehun chimes in from beside me, holding up a piece of bread for emphasis.

“Yeah but you all still have to work don’t you,” I deadpan. Sehun opens and closes his mouth, and then decides to just stuff his mouth with bread so that he won’t have to talk. Kyungsoo avoids my eyes and Baekhyun scowls alongside Jongdae. “This is why. I don’t want you all to have to do anything and be at risk of being hurt on my birthday. Like that’s the _perfect_ way to ruin the occasion.”

“No one is going to get hurt,” Kyungsoo says.

“And!” Yixing says loudly “If they do, I can always heal them.” He smiles and wiggles his fingers for emphasis. I snort and take a bite of chicken to avoid having to provide an answer. It’s not the fixing the injuries that I’m worried about.

I don’t want them to get hurt in the first place.

* * *

 

“Chanyeol your roots are showing. When are you going to stop being a red headed fuck?”

“At least I don’t look like a dinosaur, ‘rawr means I love you’ face ass boy.”

“You need help?”

“Help with what?”

“With that.”

“That _fucking_ haircut, you look like a boiled egg-”

Are only a few of the notable jokes thrown around during the duration of the 2-hour party. People come in and out as called by the Gaia, and some don’t come back at all.

I try not to think too far into that.

The party is lighthearted and fun. Everyone is relaxed and I even get to meet some of the other Charmers. Jinyoung and Jackson who belong to the Gaia in charge of flight and overall international travel, and Soonyoung and Minghao who are under one of Solar’s officials who handles health and safety across the kingdom.

It feels like the time passes by all too quick, and before I know it everyone is dispersing to go back to the duties they had managed to put off for the period of time.

Sehun and Chanyeol walk with me back to my room like the dutiful guys they are after we all bid our goodbyes to the others.

“That was fun,” I murmur absentmindedly once I’m back in my room. Chanyeol flops back on my bed and hums in agreement.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen that many people in the Charmer hall at one time,” he says.

I freeze in my tracks. I have a feeling that I know the reason for the last mass gathering. I want to know for certain, but a little voice in the back of my head is screaming _this is a bad idea, you don’t actually want to know_.

Too bad I’ve never been very good at listening to that little voice in my head.

I sit down the plate of food that I’d brought back to the room down on the table. “Really?” I ask neutrally. I turn around to look at the two of them. “What was the reason for last time?”

Sehun’s steps hitch on his way over to Chanyeol. Chanyeol glances at Sehun almost imperceptibly, but I catch it. The seconds pass by all too slowly as Chanyeol searches for something to say and Sehun sits beside him trying not to look as equally lost for words.

“Look, I know about Wheein okay. You don’t have to keep avoiding mentioning her around me. I know what happened, I know who she is, and everything,” I blurt out.

Comically, the both of their eyes widen.

I huff and cross my arms over my chest. “The last time was when she was here. Wasn’t it?” I try to keep my voice from wavering.

Chanyeol speaks up. “Yeah. It was on her last birthday,” he says softly. Sehun watches the two of us carefully.

I don’t know whether or not to bring up the fact that I know he was in love with her. I’m sure he’s wondering if I know. Luckily, I’m able to keep the words from coming up. I don’t think I can handle having to hear him admit it himself.

“Oh well that’s fun,” I say softly. I uncross my arms and walk over to my bookshelf. I don’t want to sit next to them. I don’t think I’d be able to keep my thoughts to myself with them so close and waiting for a reaction from me.

“You…you don’t have any questions or anything?” Chanyeol asks.

I grab a random book and flip through the pages. “Questions? No. I don’t have any questions.” None besides if they acted the same way around me as they did her.

But I don’t think any of us are ready to hear the answer to that one. I’m not ready to hear what I’ve already kind of known. I’m just a replacement for her. For nearly everyone. For Solar and for most of them. They are only kind to me because I remind them of her. They are looking for the same affection in me that she gave, and I’ve given it. I’ve fallen right into the role everyone wanted me to be, and I didn’t even know it.

I thought I was different.

But I’m just a replacement. The next best thing.

I’m sure that the feelings that any of them might have only spawn from the way they felt for her. But I’m here and she isn’t so they’ve projected it on to me.

Junmyeon was right.

Maybe he was trying to warn me.

“You aren’t…mad?” Sehun asks tentatively.

I slam the book closed and take in a large breath to calm my scattering thoughts. “Mad?” I scoff. “Why would I be mad?” I slide the book back on the shelf and roughly grab another.

Maybe I am a _little_ mad.

“Because we didn’t tell you anything about her…”

“How’d you find out anyway-”

“It doesn’t matter how I found out.” I interrupt. “It doesn’t even matter if I’m mad or not because I’m _not_. She seemed like a nice girl, and I’m sure there was plenty of reason for you all to love her- you know what. I’m tired. I’m going to take a nap.” I take my book with me and lie down on one of the many couches in the room.

“It’s 2 o’clock…” Chanyeol mutters cautiously.

“Wait what do you mean lov-”

“Can you guys go? For just like a little bit? I’m sleepy and if you’re going to be talking I’d prefer if you left,” I announce briskly.

The two of them shut up.

Neither of them leaves.

* * *

 

“Are you sure you’re ready for tomorrow?”

“Yes, you’ve literally gone over anything and everything that could go wrong.”

“Yes, but-”

“Quiz me. Go ahead. I’m sure if I pass this then you’ll believe me when I say that you’ve gone over literally _everything_ ,” I cockily cross my legs at the knee and smirk assuredly at the Charmer next to me.

He tilts his head in a silent acceptance of the challenge. “Fine. But it’ll be both verbal _and_ written.”

Shit. I didn’t mean for him to make me read and write. It’s too late to back down now. If I give in, then he’s going to hold this over my head for the rest of our lessons. “Fine,” I say assertively.

“Fine,”

“ _Fine,_ ”

“Fine!”

“Double fine!”

“What are you 12?”

I stick my tongue out, “I know you are but what am I?”

He snorts and snatches up a notebook, going right in to creating a test for me to take. The thing about Junmyeon is he’s dumb competitive. It’s the littlest things too that awaken it. If you challenge him to something, he will do anything in his power to either beat it, or prove it wrong.

It’s endearing.

He does it with the work we do in the classes, and with his own advancement with his magic. I think that’s why these lessons never get boring.

It’s because Junmyeon is always one upping himself, and it makes me want to try harder as well.

He rips the page from the thin book and places it on my lap. “Written section first.” I’m handed a pen and a hard book to write on top of. “You have 15 minutes. Go.”

A single beep from the timer he’s somehow gotten ahold of, and I know that he’s deadass about me having 15 minutes to answer all of the questions provided.

  1. _Someone hands you a gift, what do you do?_
  2. _Someone wishes you a happy birthday, how do you respond?_
  3. _At the end of the gift opening section of the party, what comes next?_
  4. _Drinks and food are provided for the entirety of the party. You are allowed to partake as well. True or false?_
  5. _Someone asks you to dance, how do you respond?_
  6. _You feel ill during the party, what measures should you take to assure that you can stay throughout the party?_



Easy. Easy questions.

“6 minutes,” he sing-songs.

Oh my god, how long did it take me to read?! Erratically I scrawl down my responses to the short quiz.

“10…9…8…7…”

“Done!” I shout, standing up and whipping the paper out of my lap and towards his face.

Gingerly, he takes the sheet and scans over it. “Mm. I’m impressed. You handwriting is still very messy, but…”

I got all the questions right. I know.

“You got all the questions right.” I knew it.

“Ha,” I laugh nonce, and sit back triumphantly. I wasn’t kidding when I told him he’d one over everything. I’m totally prepared for the party tomorrow.

Even though I’d rather not go at all.

“If someone hands you a gift, you thank them with a bow of your head and have them settle it with the rest. If someone wishes you a happy birthday, you thank them for the wishes and encourage them to enjoy the party. After the gift opening section there is entertainment. Number 4 is false. Why is it false?” he asks abruptly cutting in to his reading of the paper aloud.

“It’s false because as it is my birthday I should refrain from eating the food set out for the guess as a sign of respect. It’s mean to be a sort of gift for them, and for me to eat it as well would make it therefore meaningless.”

“Impressive my pupil. I _see_ that you’ve studied well,” at the lame attempt at a pun he pauses and waits for my reaction. “You know. Cause pupil is also part of the eye. _See._ ” I try my hardest no to react, really, but his jokes are always so bad to the point where they’re funny.

I snort out a laugh much to my own dismay. He sighs in satisfaction. “That was awful,” I add.

He shakes his head undeterred by my insult. “You laughed. We both know I’m funny.”

I decide not to respond. One, because if I admit that I think his attempts at jokes are funny, then it’ll get to his head. And two, if I put him down, then I’ll be lying to both of us. He clears his throat and continues on with the last questions. “Anyway, if someone asks you to dance you politely decline and offer the excuse of being needed to help tend to other party affairs. And lastly, you answered trick question. Why is he last a trick question?”

“Because if I genuinely feel unwell I should find a way to excuse myself. I shouldn’t be stay around, because if I how that I’m unwell then rumors would start and the whole castle would _fucking_ explode.”

“June…”

“Okay _fine_ , you’re no fun,” I mutter quietly. “Rumors would start and that’s not good for neither my nor Solar’s image. If I am feeling unwell I should excuse myself from the party and tell Solar so that she can handle the rest.”

“Good. Good.”

“Told you I know everything.”

“Who would have known that you’d turn out to actually be a great student,” he says teasingly.

“It's because I’ve had a beyond amazing teacher. Thanks for everything you’ve done Junmyeon, really. The last few weeks were a bit hard for me, but having you around and having you come do these lessons have helped me in more ways than you’ll ever know,” I tell him seriously.

Seemingly taken aback, his mouth drops open slightly and he only blinks.

Heat creeps up the back of my neck at his dumb expression and I look down at my feet. Ugh, I thought I’d gotten over the whole butterfly bullshit in my stomach. If he’d stop looking so fucking shocked, then maybe I wouldn’t be so embarrassed and I wouldn’t have re-realized how stupid attractive he is even when he’s looking like that because of me.

I clear my throat and paste on a smile. “So, how about we see what you’ve been working on with your magic so far?”

* * *

 

the stupid party is tomorrow, and I’ve already mentally prepared myself for the early morning ill have. The women coming in to dress and doll me up. The unnecessary amount of prep and pampering that I now have a bit more understanding over thanks to Junmyeon.

Chanyeol is in the bathroom brushing his teeth for bed.

I however, am staring focused at the box that Minseok said was from him and Kyungsoo. He said to open it the night before the party, and that’s today…but what could it possibly be that I needed to wait to open it?

“Fuck it,” I mumble to myself, crawling across the bed to grab the box and sit it in my lap. The beautiful wrapping is almost too pretty to even touch, and yet the part of me that craves chaos can’t wait to tear into it.

Pushing away the animalistic side, I delicately open the packaging. Unraveling the bow and unfolding the paper, trying my hardest not to rip any of its edges.

I did good for the most part. I still accidently ripped it 3 times in really ugly places, but it’s okay because I’m throwing the paper away any way.

When I take the top off the little box, my breath is stolen away. Inside lies a necklace, or maybe it’s better to describe it as a sort of choker, collar type of jewelry. It’s silver links with gems evenly placed across its span. The gems are oh too familiar and I can’t help but feel touched at the fact that actually remember me mentioning how pretty I thought the stone was.

“That’s pretty,” Chanyeol says, suddenly leaning over my shoulder. “Isn’t that the same stone from the ballroom floor?” I nod in awe, still taking in the sight of the necklace.

“Yeah. Minseok and Kyungsoo got it for me as a birthday gift,” I say distractedly. How they managed to get a hold of this is another question all in itself. Did they make it? Did they steal it? “I’d told them before that I really liked the way that it was transparent when it was in light, but glows when it’s dark. Kyungsoo was the one who told me that it was a kind of stone that they used to make the floor of the ballroom. I don’t know how they managed to make an actual necklace out of it…”

“You should wear it tomorrow,” Chanyeol suggests, looking from the necklace to me.

“I will,” I run the tips of my fingers over the piece of jewelry and watch its light nearly quiver at my touch. “It’s too pretty not to wear.”

When I go to bed that night, I don’t feel nearly as anxious about the morning knowing that I get to wear such a gorgeous gift with my outfit. I fall asleep at peace, even with Chanyeol draped over me.


	46. 44. Surprise, Bitch

_~44: Surprise, Bitch~_

The first thing I see when I wake up is brown hair. Short, curly brown hair.

Now, let me go ahead and say that I don’t recall knowing anyone with brown hair, and in my morning haze seeing this style and not being able to register a face, was beyond too much for my mind to handle.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Ch-Chanyeol?”

“Uh, yeah? Who else would I be?”

“You aren’t Chanyeol, he has red hair…”

“You see, there’s this thing called hair dye, and my hair isn’t _actually_ red. Are you really that stupi-”

I groan and sit up fully so that I can push the offending face away from my own. “Yep, you’re Chanyeol. No one else would wake up ready to start calling me names,” I grumble irritated. I catch sight of his blinding smile and rub at my eyes angrily.

“It’s how I show affection,” he says simply in that damned deep voice of his.

I grumble curses under my breath. “What time is it?” I get out through a yawn.

“Almost 10,” he says.

“10…WAIT DID I SLEEP IN? HOLY SHIT WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE-”

Chanyeol pushes me back down by the shoulders and laughs wildly. “Calm down. The party doesn’t even start until 5 o’clock, and no one is going to come and get you dressed until at _least_ noon.”

“Well then why the hell did you wake me up!? I could have slept for…”

“2 more-”

“2 more hours!”

“Because,” he settles back on the covers and crosses his legs under him. “We need to talk.”

Oh, great. That’s never a good thing to hear. “Bloody hell…” I rub at my eyes roughly. Time to wake up fully, this doesn’t sound like a conversation I can half-assedly listen to. He has on his serious voice, and there’s something in his expression that’s making me uneasy. “Talk…about what?” I ask now more attentive.

Chanyeol rocks in his spot and takes in a deep breath. “About Wheein. About you.”

Oh fuck me.

“What about…us?” I ask slowly.

He exhales heavily while shifting and resettling in a new sitting position. “About how you know about her…and about how you don’t have any questions since you apparently know everything.”

“Look here Chanyeol…I get that you must be concerned since I know about you guys’ little secret or whatever, but I’m not going to bring her up. I don’t want you guys to feel uncomfortable since second best here is talking about Wheein and you guys want to keep the memory of her sacred or something-”

“Wait what? Second best? June what are you even talking about?” I don’t answer him. He leans forward with a frown between his brows. “June, what do you mean second best?”

“I’m hungry, I’m going to grab something to eat-”

“No, you aren’t escaping yet. You’ve been acting strange ever since you got back.” I’ve been acting strange since I got back? I wonder the _fuck_ why. “You’ve been really moody and irrationally angry at random times, and you don’t tell us anything so we don’t know how to help you! It feels like Kyungsoo, Minseok, and Junmyeon know you better than Sehun and I do and we knew you _first_. It feels like you talk to Baekhyun and Jongdae more than us and you don’t even _like_ them.”

I close my eyes and try to contain the increase in my heartrate at his voice growing in volume. “You wanna know why I’ve been acting strange? Really? You want to know _why_ I don’t talk to you guys about everything that I’m thinking about?” I open my eyes and take in his face covered in what seems to be angry humiliation. “It’s because I was fucking kidnapped Chanyeol. I was fucking _kidnapped_ and _tortured_ while I was there. They used the very things that made me happy to break me down, and I couldn’t tell whether what I was experiencing was real or just another hallucination I was forced to go through. I’m still not even fucking sure that _this_ is real and not fake.

“I’m constantly afraid that everything is going to fade away into another nightmare like they did then. I’m fucking _sorry_ if that’s changed me a bit and has made me afraid to be totally open with you guys. The thought of everything I saw, everything it felt like I did, it makes me want to kill myself. Just talking about this is making me want to _kill_ myself you bastard.”

“We know that you were kidnapped! Do you think that we just sat here and waited for you to return safely? We were terrified that you weren’t going to come back. We didn’t relax not once when we realized you were gone. Do you know how much it fucking hurt to see you in the state you were in, in the middle of the woods? And then you talk to Kyungsoo alone about it out of _everyone_.”

“That’s because he wasn’t in the hallucinations-”

He rolls his eyes and growls out annoyed, “You’re acting like the visions were the fucking worst thing to ever happen-”

“ _You raped me._ ” Tears pool in my eyes. Chanyeol stops flailing around his arms to stare at me in shock. “In multiple ones. You raped me.” I let the words settle between us. “That’s why I couldn’t talk to you. That’s why even now I still feel…used and disgusted with myself. You…one of the very people I trust most in this place, would go from doing something as ordinary as talking to me like we’re doing now, to pinning me down and fucking me against my will. You’d even choked me with your hand wrapped in fire while Sehun would watch, so don’t you _dare_ tell me that my fears were unwarranted.

“Kyungsoo was the only one out of all of you not to be in them. Him and Minseok weren’t in them because we weren’t as close as I was with you guys, and they knew that it wouldn’t be affective.” I wipe away the tears that accumulated while telling the short story. “It took so long for me to begin to be open to the thought that I was really back here. Junmyeon, Minseok, and Kyungsoo helped me with that, so stop being mad at them for being able to distract me and help me get out of the toxic mindset that I was in. It feels like my entire life is balancing on a tightrope when I use to be balancing on a sidewalk.

“You wanna know what’s been wrong with me since I’ve gotten back? We’ll I’ll tell you! Solar is going to fucking die. She’s going to fucking die and it seems like she wants to make me the next Queen. The guys who kidnapped me told me it would happen and now I’m fucking terrified because they know more about everything happening here than I do. They know more about _me_ than I do. On top of that I haven’t seen Kris, Luhan, or Tao since Luhan hit me and I feel like the worst person on the planet because they just wanted to help me but I fucking flipped out. I don’t have any control over my emotions anymore. I’m always angry. I’m always feeling feelings that don’t feel like my own. I’ve been hearing voices in my head that don’t belong to me. And to top it off I feel like a fucking 2nd rate replacement for Wheein.

“I’m not as smart as she was. I’m not as nice as she was. I feel like everyone is only tolerating me because I remind you all of her and I don’t feel like _I’m_ important. I’m just a stand in for her because someone killed her. There are 40 different battles going on inside of my head and I’m losing 39 of them. I feel overwhelmed, but I still feel so empty. I don’t know what I’m even living for.” I laugh bitterly. “So there you go. That’s everything I haven’t been telling you. I hope you’re satisfied.”

His face reddens in embarrassment. “I…I didn’t mean to make you feel like this. I just wanted to know why you’d stop talking to us like you use to. I’m sorry. I didn’t think about your side of things. I feel like a dick.”

I scoff, “You are one.”

“You aren’t a replacement for her you know,” he says quietly. “You two are very different, and everyone is pulled to you because of you, not because you’re like her. Don’t think like that. You _are_ your own person. You don’t even know how many people you have tied around your finger.” He scoots over the bed to sit beside me. Taking one of my hands in his, he goes on, “You do know that I would never do… _that_ to you right? It doesn’t matter how angry, how out of my mind, how out of control of my body I might be, I would _never_ touch you without your permission.”

“I know…saying it aloud…made it feel less realistic. It still just, in my head, it felt so real I can still feel-”

“Hey,” he interrupts gently. He waits until my eyes find his. “I would _never_ ,” he says clearly and seriously. “Do you believe me?”

“Yes. I know. I know that you wouldn’t.”

He squeezes my hand in his. “Good,” a smile starts on his face before his looks down at his fingers over mine. “Now, I’m not a therapist. However, I think that you should tell all of us what you saw. It’ll help you trust us again, and we’ll know from now on to reassure you that we aren’t the same thing as the versions of us that you dealt with then.”

“I don’t know if I can-”

“You don’t _have_ to. I’m just saying it might help,” he clarifies. The slight sickness that I felt in the pit of my stomach starts to vanish at his words. At his reassurance. At the thought of not being alone in this.

“But…I think that you should always tell us what’s on your mind from now on. We won’t keep anything from you, and you shouldn’t keep anything from us. Sehun’s been worried that we did something to piss you off.”

“Why would he-”

“Like I said, you suddenly stopped confiding in us. It’s like you stopped being open with us as soon as we started falling for you and that fucking _hurts-_ ”

“Falling-”

“I’m not saying it again,” he says with a sly smirk on his lips. Silence falls on the room as we both sit immersed in our thoughts. The words that filled the air finally settling.

“I really care about you guys,” I whisper so as not to ruin the delicate quiet around us. “I do. I just…I’m not good at expressing myself, and like I told you I still feel full of emotions that aren’t entirely mine, so I’m even worse at it now. I’ve never stopped caring about you guys though. You and Sehun. And Jongin and Kris and Luhan. Thanks for looking for me, and for looking out for me, even though your lives have far more at stake than mine does. I…I haven’t like not seen how hard you guys try to make me comfortable and happy. I really appreciate it.”

He looks up abruptly with wide and alert eyes. Warmth rushes through me like a tidal wave. “You really mean that?”

I nod.

“Like really mean it?”

“Yes.”

“Okay but like… _actually_ mean-”

“Chanyeol, I’ll punch you in the face.”

“Okay I’ll stop.” We both laugh and I feel like hundreds of my burdens are floating away with our laughter.

“I like your new hair style though…” I murmur, looking at the curling brown locks. “You look like a really tall puppy.” He barks playfully. I curl the strands around my fingers and let them slide out as I play with his hair.

“Mm that feels nice.”

“Your hair feels nice.” I sit on my knees so that I can have better access to his head. He closes his eyes as his whole body relaxes at my touch. I get a good look at his face while he’s all but sleeping sitting up. “Cute,” I mumble under my breath.

“I know I am,” he says, scaring me at the sudden comment. I jerk my hands out of his hair and he opens his eyes with a goofy grin spreading across his lips in that creepy yet endearing smile that he has.  

I blink dumbly at him. “Chanyeol?”

“Mm?”

“Can I ask you to try something?”

“Of course. Anything.”

“Kiss me.”

This time he blinks dumbly at me. He covers his mouth and nose with his hands. “What?” he squeaks out embarrassed.

“Kiss me. I…want to see if you erm…if _it_ feels different than the you in the hallucinations,” I explain. He covers his entire face now and wiggles and giggles around like a 3 year-old. “Hey, be serious here. I’m asking you to kiss me, you butt.”

He giggles again and lowers his hands a bit to look at me before going back to being an embarrassed mess of limbs. I huff. I have to initiate everything around here. I grab on to the collar of his shirt and pull myself forward to crash into him.

I manage to touch my lips to the corner of his mouth, and he freezes up entirely. When I pull back his entire face is turning pink.

“You missed,” he grumbles.

“I missed?”

“You missed,” he says again. I furrow my eyebrows and narrow my eyes. What the hell is he even grumbling about.

“Missed wha-” before I can finish he softly presses his lips directly on mine. He pulls away after a few seconds of not moving.

“Did it feel different?” He asks suddenly serious.

“I don’t know, you might have to try again,” I murmur. He leans forward again, and I close the little distance left between us. I put my hands on his thighs to brace myself and let our lips mold together.

The kiss is innocent. Intimate. Eerily so. There’s no rush or urgency. It’s languid and tentative. The both of us testing out the waters that we might want to dive into.

Finally, impatience wins over as he wraps his arms around my back to pull me in closer. Finding myself on top of his lap, I let my mind turn off for once and let the two of us fall into a slow rhythm exploring one another’s mouth.

In a haze time passes by. Kisses places along shoulders, skin sucked to bruise. Clothes removed gingerly and words whispered like late night secrets even as the sun shines happily through the windows.

“Are you sure that you want to do this?”

“Yes. I don’t want to have those thoughts of you hurting me anymore.” His hand slides up my neck to rest on my cheek. Our lips touch again in that soft and safe way that Chanyeol kisses.

No clothes act as a barrier between our bodies, and as his body presses against mine, I can feel ever grove and dip of his body. Every twitch and tense in his muscles. “You have total control over how this goes. Any place that I might have touched or hurt, I want you to tell me so that I can make it feel good. So that you can get rid of any negative thoughts of it.”

Immediately my fingers curl around my own neck. Still on his lap, he uncurls my fingers and kisses my palm, before nuzzling into my neck. His lips and tongue run leave blazing trails on my skin where he kisses. My eyes close as a breathy sigh slips from my throat. He places meaningful kisses up my jaw to my ear. “Where else?” he questions in a low moan.

I grab his hands in my own and place them over my breasts. “Here,” I groan out as his rough hands squeeze the squishy flesh. When I open my eyes, I find his half lidded and watching my expressions carefully. He runs the pad of his thumb over a nipple, forcing out a desperate whine from me.  His half erect cock twitches between us. He takes one nipple in to his mouth and I arch into him.

Damn near losing my mind from the simple act. I tighten my thighs around his waist and dig my fingers in to his shoulder and hair as he moves to the other. Paying careful attention to what movements elicit what kind of response.

If too consumed by pleasure to feel even slightly sorry about the embarrassing amount of wetness that I’m getting on his thighs from trying to find enough friction to satisfy me. “I’m ready. I want you inside of me,” I breath out through gasps. He pulls away from my breast with lips moist. I dive in to capture his mouth with mine once again.

His hips jut up shallowly, rubbing against my heat in a way that makes me moan loudly into his mouth. He groans lowly in turn. Before we can go back to rubbing our hips together I force myself to unlatch from his mouth. “Lay back.”

He does it immediately, I sit up on my knees so that he can straighten his legs under me. I sit on his thighs again, right in front of his angry red cock not caring about being too heavy to put my full weight on him.

I graze my finger along the shaft of his swollen dick before carefully wrapping my hand around it. It’s hot in my hand, I pump it twice while listening happily to the strangled moans that the contact pulls out of the tall male beneath me.

I rub the head of his dick over my entrance before grazing my clit. All I can muster is a shaky sigh of pleasure before moving it back to where we both want it to be. Lining it at my leaking entrance, I close my eyes and lower myself on him.

“Nng _fuck_.” I raise and lower myself as the feeling of his dick sliding against my walls sends my senses malfunctioning. I don’t even have a chance to find some kind of rhythm before Chanyeol is moving to meet my hips with his own in search of a faster pace.

I lean my upper body down for support as his thrusts get rougher with each second. I can’t even close my mouth, too deep in my own euphoria to bother. Lips meet mine and I’m pulled further closer to his body as his hips snap to meet mine and his lips and hands hold me close.

My climax hits me fast and hard, nearly knocking the wind out of me. Chanyeol cums not long after with a bunch of erratic thrusts and a nip at my bottom lip that was a bit harder than I think he intended it to be. He moans loudly from like the pit of his soul. I kiss around his face as he comes down from his high.

We both start laughing in the aftermath of what we’ve just done.

* * *

 

None of the women who come in my room ask or say anything about the fresh bruises scattered around my body.

Thank goodness.

As soon as they arrive, Chanyeol makes a hasty exit. He said something about not being able to be in the same room as me and those women after _doing it_.

He’s suddenly all embarrassed about what happened.

Like with Solar’s three-day extravaganza, the women come in to get me ready. Cleaning me and doing my hair, the like. When they ask what I’d like to wear, I show them the necklace given to me by Kyungsoo and Minseok and tell them that I’ll wear whatever goes with it because I want to wear it. I end up being put in a huge fluffy silver ball gown with back heels that are entirely hidden beneath the long skirt of the dress.

My makeup and hair are kept simple. Smokey eye and a bold red lip color. The necklace I was gifted is clipped around my neck and a bright pair of diamond earrings are put through my ears. The women flit around me and comment on their work appreciatively. I smile politely while they talk. Finally, they leave me in the room on my own.

I take a look at my reflection in the mirror and nod at the image of myself that I see. “Not bad.” The image of the time projected on the closet wall shines in bright green numbers. 4:33pm. It’s almost time that I head down to the grand ballroom to meet the guests.

When I hear the faint knock on my bedroom door, I know that it really is time to go. Even though it’s a bit earlier than I anticipated. One or two of Solar’s Charmers should be waiting outside to walk me down to the main room. Picking up the front of my skirt, I make haste to go and open the door.

 “It’s been a while. Hasn’t it…babe?”

I slam the door closed and lean against it to keep the Charmer out.

_Shit._

 


	47. 45. Awareness

He knocks on the door again. “Yah! Is that any way to treat your escort?!”

Oh my goodness what do I do? Panic?

Panic. That sounds like the right thing.

“Jesus fucking- I know you’re panicking in there. Open the door June.” The knocking gets more persistent, but I can’t get my body to move. What the _fuck_ is Luhan doing here…

He’ll find some way in here if I don’t open it myself…the last thing I need is both him and Jongin ‘poofing’ in here without my permission and finding me frozen like an idiot leaning against the door. Not to mention the party starts soon-

“Are you going to come out any time soon, the party is about to start- oh there you are.” He looks pleasantly surprised that I managed to come out on my own and without him having to go in himself. His hair is shorter than it was the last time I saw him, and it’s gone back to being a dark brown. He’s smiling innocently in his black and white tuxedo, and I want to go back into my room. He looks hot, and it’s pissing me off. I start to turn around, but he’s faster and grabs my upper arm effectively keeping me from escaping. “You have a party to attend.”

I cringe and relax in his grip. He lets go of me, and I walk ahead of him avoiding any and all eye contact. Who would have known I’d be here avoiding eye contact with the exact person who taught me the rule. I walk quickly, but he keeps up easily.

“You look nice,” he tries to get me to engage in conversation.

“Thanks,” I say with a clipped voice. Why is he talking to me so easily? Shouldn’t he be mad at me? _I’m_ mad at me. I can’t even look at him without thinking about what happened between us.

“Hey,” his hand brushes against mine and I jerk away from him hard. I clutch my hand to my chest and finally look at him. Albeit fearfully, I look at his face. He looks hurt by the action, but quickly covers the emotion on his face with concern. “We need to talk,” he says cautiously.

The last time I heard that I ended up being yelled at and in tears.

“Please,” he whispers.

I glance around the empty hall and then back to him. “Make it quick. I need to be downstairs.”

Suddenly put on the sport, he splutters for his words for a bit. “I’m sorry!” he says finally. His shoulders sag. He pushes a hand through his gelled hair, “I’m sorry for hitting you, and for not thinking about how you must have felt at the time. I don’t know, I just suddenly felt so angry at the time and I wasn’t thinking. I would never put my hands on you like that. The guilt has been…suffocating me, and I just don’t want you to hate me after what I did. I’m so fucking sorry. Please forgive me, I never wanted to hurt you or for you to be taken away. I didn’t mean anything that I said. I’m so sorry. I’m so, _so_ sorry-” his words begin to get a bit caught up as he tries to pretend that he isn’t going to cry.

I decide to hug him to shut up him before he does. He returns the gesture and so hard that I’m nearly squished to death.

“You don’t have to apologize. I was wrong for what I said. I’m sorry for not listening to what you guys had to say. I was…I was just really angry too and I couldn’t get myself to shut up and calm down. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for blowing up at you guys.” I tighten my hold around him. “So stop crying.”

“I’m not crying,” he whines.

“Yeah yeah, cause you’re a strong man blah blah. Men can cry too.” I grumble. “I missed you…I’m sorry for not listening.” I feel my throat tightening. If I’d just sat the fuck down and stopped trying to argue with them, then maybe I wouldn’t have been taken. I would have never gone through all of that.

“Are you crying?”

“Shut up. You were crying first, and I’m only crying because your stupid cologne is too strong.” I pull away from him and dab at the moisture under my eyes with my fingertips. I don’t want to totally smear all my makeup. He laughs softly. “Stop laughing at me!”

* * *

 

It’s 8 o’ clock and I want to kill myself.

I’ve said hello to nearly every woman in this room, and if one more person gives Luhan the gross hungry look that he keeps getting, I might just explode in the middle of the dance floor.

The music is loud, but it’s far less raunchy and rambunctious as Solar’s party. Probably since it’s mainly officials and royals here. Luhan has evidently been given to me for the night as a kind of gift from Solar.

Her smile was nearly blinding when she saw us walking in to the room together. After a hug, she was quickly gone to socialize and play hostess.  

“Are you hungry?” Luhan asks in my ear over the music.

 _Yes._ “No. I’m okay.” I glance longingly at the table of food.

He snorts. “Someone’s taught you well.”

“Junmyeon. He’s been my teacher for a few months now. He’s a hell of a better teacher than you are.”

“I never said that I was a good teacher,” he says with a laugh. The two of us sit against the wall watching the party go on around us. Another performance is starting soon, and I don’t want to be able to see it. I already accidently saw Jongin, Yixing, and some other Charmer dancing for the crowd of women. I don’t want to stumble upon any of the rest of them being used for entertainment.

“Well now you know for certain that you aren’t,” I tell him. “…How…how are Kris and Tao?”

“They’re both fine. They were really worried about you, but Jongin kept us updated whenever he could,” he says quietly. Another song starts playing over the sound system. “They both really want to see you.”

I frown to myself instead of answering.

“…Now that I think about it, Tao hasn’t even been home in a few days-”

“Luhan!” the both of us jolt in our seats at Solar’s voice. She comes over in her golden dress with two Gaia behind her. One of which I know is the Amanda lady who’s over the kingdom’s military. She looks me from head to toe before turning her head away disinterested. Luhan stands up and bows his head to Solar. She gives me a secretive grin.

What the hell is she thinking?

“I need your help with some preparations,” She tells him. She looks to me. “We’ll be back in a while.” The group leaves without any further explanation. I sigh tiredly. Now I have no one to talk to. I’m not going to go talk to any random person here, that’s for sure. Especially without a Charmer with me. The room is full of only women, the only men being a few servers. There aren’t even any humans anywhere to be seen.

Time to escape the party.

Like a fucking ninja.

Standing up, I nod to a woman who makes eye contact with me and proceed to pick up the skirt of my dress so that I can subtly slip outside. Fresh air would do me good. With the weather warming up, being outside sounds even better than staying in this large yet stuffy room.

Deciding against going _too_ far away from the mass of people (I did learn a lesson from the last time I tried to be alone), I walk towards a set of glass doors that seem to lead to some outside area closer to this room than the garden itself.

Weaving through bodies, I peek through the glass to see what appears to be a large balcony empty of any guests.

Perfect.

I close the doors behind me, making sure to check that it won’t lock me out, before walking towards the marble railing. Little goosebumps pepper my skin as a breeze blows by. The air is cool, but not cold. Thankfully it’s not humid as well. The last thing I want to deal with is the thing I wanted to escape from inside.

Although this is the first floor, the landscape slopes downward as a gentle hill covered in neatly trimmed grass. The hill leads down to a small stream of water before it flattens out to nothing but trees and wilderness. Something about it seems weirdly tame.

Resting my bare arms on the cool marble railing, I let my gaze wander up to the sky. The sky is clear enough that I can see the milky way along with nearly each individual star in the sky. The moon is nowhere to be seen, and yet the earth is illuminated as if was right there brightly shining. The sight of the speckles of light sporadically placed along the deep black, blue and purple expanse of sky is as breath taking as it is calming.

I am just a small particle in an enormous universe.

I wonder how many other beings are out there. If there are other versions of me somewhere out there. If their lives are going well or going worse than mine. If they look and sound the same as me but are entirely different in every other aspect.

_Where’d she go?_

_I need to find him; we’re going to die if I don’t find him!_

_What the hell is he doing here!?_

Maybe they’re the voices I keep hearing in my head.

The muffled sounds from inside suddenly become loud and clear, I don’t move from my spot looking up at the sky.

The door shuts with a soft thud and the sound of dress shoes hitting tile alerts me to someone’s presence. “What are you doing out here,”

He didn’t even ask it like it was a question. Baekhyun waltzes over to the railing and leans on it, looking at me with the intensity in his eyes that he always has that is, quite frankly, scary as shit.

Lazily I pull my eyes away from the stars above and give him my best neutral stare. I can’t let him know that he fucking scares me. “I wanted some air,” is all I say.

“By yourself,”

I motion exaggeratedly around me. “Of course not by myself. Don’t you see all of my companions surrounding me?” I jokingly ask. He doesn’t react in the slightest. I roll my eyes, muttering _kill joy_ under my breath. “Yes by myself,” I say bluntly. When he seems to have nothing else to say, I go back to searching the sky with my eyes. He’s never been the most…conversational. “Who sent you to find me?”

I know he didn’t damn well come on his own.

“No one, I saw you walk out.”

“And you just decided to follow me?”

“Am I not allowed to make sure you aren’t being abducted,”

“Why do all of your questions sound like normal statements? Do you have no sense of intonation?”

He scoffs offended. “Wah! I can’t believe you. Why did I even come out here you’re so-”

“Baekhyun,” I murmur his name softly, but he quiets down immediately. I didn’t even know that his voice could get so loud. I pull away from the sky to look at him before I can continue on. Both his eyes and mouth are open in surprise. Of what I’m not sure. “Baekhyun?” I ask carefully. Seemingly regaining his senses, he blinks rapidly and closes his mouth before averting his eyes.

What the fuck dude. Have I never said his name before? Is it some dumb shit like that that has him all dumbstruck?

“Do the stars look different to you?” I know that the random question might have taken him a bit off guard, so I try to clarify. “You know, since you can control light…can you see it differently too? Do stars look different to you than they would to me?”

Silence envelopes us for an uncomfortable amount of time, and even without looking his way, I can feel him half glaring half staring at me before he answers deadpan as ever, “Yeah, they hurt like a bitch to look at.”

I snort. The snort then turns into a giggle, and before I know it I’m full out laughing.

“Yah! What’s so funny,”

“You just- It was just-” I wheeze and gasp for air. Holding my hand out to get him to wait, I try to calm myself back down. “You just sounded so serious. I’m sorry it was just funny how you said it.” I hold my cold hands to my now heated cheeks to cool them down. “Wow, okay sorry. Let’s go.” I motion to the door and he scowls before stomping back into the castle.

I giggle to myself a few more times and follow behind him.

* * *

 

“Guests please gather around!” Solar’s voice booms through the crowded hall. I stand at her side, trying to look as stately as she does, but I’m sure it looks pathetic to those who see us side by side. Her hands rest on my shoulders as she continues. “Now we have reached the climax of the event. It’s time to open the gifts presented to the birthday girl.”

A roar of applause rolls through the room.

Solar guides me to the big chair- scratch that _her_ chair on the platform in the front of the room. The very chair I was judged in. The very chair that Solar herself and a few select advisors have had the chance to sit in.

Delayed in reaction, I hastily lower myself on the cushiony chair. My feet rest comfortably against the ground, and it feels as though the seat melds around me. As if it’s adjusting to seat _just_ me.

 _This is where you belong_.

“Present your gifts!”

I snap to at the sound of Solar’s cheerful yet demanding voice. Weary of the feelings that I feel in this seat, in this position, I hold my hands in my lap and sit straight in the chair. Putting my hands on the arm rests would demand too much control. Slouching in the seat would show too much comfort.

No matter if that’s what my instictsare driving me to do, that’s not what I should.

I am not the Queen.

I _don’t_ belong here.

With my mind muddled and unfocused on anything around me outside of not becoming one with this fucking throne, I miss what the first gifts presented were. A carefully place smile and occasional nods of acknowledgment are able to get me farther than I anticipated.

Focus, dammit.

The gifts come with various Gaia presenting as if they have brought the most valuable thing on the planet here to give me. Animals, carts full of human boys for servitude, jewelry, fine clothing.

I keep my face neutral so as to not show favoritism. Favoritism or disgust. I get a nod of approval from Solar at my miraculous performance as star of the party.

“Now, it is time for the _best_ gift,” the sea of people part, as an enormous ass green box (I’m talking like, as tall as a fucking 2 story building) is rolled through the crowd and set before me. Clapping thunders through the rom like a violent storm, and it takes all my control not to wince or block my ears from the deafening sounds of applause.

I take in the room of unfamiliar faces, faces of the most powerful women on the planet, as they slowly quiet down at the singular movement of Solar’s raised hand.

Silence.

Two human boys, more build than any other that I’ve seen here at the castle (more like that of Charmers in stature really) walk from behind the box, and undo a latch. The box falls apart. There lies a smaller pink one.

The pull it apart only to reveal an even smaller orange box. The room is buzzing with anticipation, and I feel more agitated than anything.

Why the fuck are there so many damn boxes?

It gets down to a box a bit shorter than Solar, and about as wide as maybe a kiddie pool. Solar steps down to approach to what (I hope) is the final box. She smirks pointedly at me, looks in the box in mock surprise and reaches in to pull out…

Surprise! Another fucking box.

This box is small. About the size of a sheet of paper in length, and a brick in width. Every person in the room holds their breath as she walks (it feels like shes being extra dramatic tonight) slowly to the space before me. With a bow of her upper body, several people gasp in shock, she holds the box for me to take.

I blink owlishly at the gesture and nod to her as I would to any other guest, before taking the gift in my hands. For some reason my hands are shaking. Maybe its all this silence. Maybe it’s the amount of attention that I have. Maybe it’s all the anticipation and my own excitement.

With precise movements, I reveal the contents of the gift to the room full of curious guests. I stare at my lap stupefied. Cradled in velvet cushions sit a headband decorated with dragon’s breath stones, nearly identical to that in design of the more extravagant crown that sits atop Solar’s head. 2 earrings of the same stone rest beside the headband; earrings that look like they will dangle from my earlobes when put on.

I know fully well that only royals wear these stones. Only royals _get_ to wear these stones, and I’m being given a set of earrings and damn near a _crown_ made of them? A projection of the gift is shown on the wall behind me, and the room fills with a mix of gasps and noises of surprise.

_What does this mean?_

Solar smiles and winks at me as the room becomes filled with excited energy. They know something that I don’t. This means more that I think it does, and she’s given this hint to all of her guests here tonight.

Giddily she sashays back to the box and turns around dramatically, swishing the skirt of her dress grandly. Everyone’s attention is instanlt captured. She can really control a crowd. “And that’s not even the best part,” she announces.

As if rehearsed, the box begins to shake lightly. The top pops off and turns to confetti in the air, and out emerged a person.

Purple hair styled up, cleanly dressed in a suit clearly tailored to their body type, the person twirls around the box with arms spread wide.

The confetti falls, making the reveal ironically magical. It clears and I stand up out of the chair, nearly dropping the dragon’s breath jewelry in the process.

Tao stands inside of that finally god damned box, eye liner framing his eyes, a smirk slapped proudly on his face. His eyes lock on mine, and waiting for silence like the dramatic fucking shithead he is, he says with no fear, “Happy Birthday.”


	48. 46. Breaking Point

Stuck somewhere between wanting to throw up, pass out, or run to the middle of the floor to tackle Tao to the ground, my mind makes a decision to do none of the above, and instead cuts off all communication with my limbs.

This isn’t real.

I’m definitely hallucinating now.

Tao, would _never_ be here. It’s not possible.

The sounds around me fade out, white noise fill the emptiness in my head. I haven’t felt this out of touch with reality in…in a long time. It’s been so long; I thought that I had gotten over it. I thought that I was finally okay.

I thought I’d finally come to terms with reality.

_What’s happening to her?_

_Is she okay?_

_June, breathe. Listen to me, breathe._ That sounds like Luhan’s voice. This is the first time I’ve ever been able to distinguish one of the voices inside my head. But why is it Luhan? Is his voice the voice of my subconscious?

I grab on to that voice in side my mind and let it pull me out of the void I was starting to slip back in to. The sounds rush back around me, and I can hear clapping again. Solar said something and is gesturing to me. What did she say? _Smile and bow._

I manage a shaky smile and bow to the room of people. _Good job babe, keep breathing you’re doing great._

Luhan? It’s too clear to be my subconscious. Besides my subconscious always sounds like some distorted version of my own voice. How can I hear him? I frantically search the room for his face. Maybe if I can see him then I’ll know that I’m not just going crazy and imagining his voice as my voice of reason all of a sudden.

I find him on the very outskirts of the crowd. His head lifted high and daringly as he looks up at the platform where I’m standing. He smiles and nods encouragingly. He doesn’t seem like he’s been projecting in to my mind. He looks all too inconspicuous.

Solar says something again, but the words leave my head as soon as they enter. I can only hope that it wasn’t a question directed towards me. I catch her wary glance in my direction, and she nods to herself as if suddenly understanding some kind of issue; as if finally taking note of my lack of functionality. With another quick glance towards me she motions to a few of her advisors and suddenly the party is being brought to a close.

“Gift bags can be found on the way out of the hall. Please grab one, and the Queen and Mistress June thank you for coming.” I hear before people begin filling the room with excited chatter.

Tao looks around excitedly as the women clear out. He has absolutely no qualms about openly staring at and looking at everything around him, lacking all the behavioral qualities of a palace human or Charmer. Solar leans close to Tao to whisper in his ear when there are only a few stragglers in the room.

I’m still rooted to my spot in disbelief.

He nods eagerly and climbs out of the box, nearly falling and busting his ass, before following the crowd out. Finally, he lowers his eyes and assumes the obedient disposition of someone who is used to living around Gaia. Still unable to get my fucking body to move, I watch the room empty only to refill with humans who begin to clean the room like an army.

I blink at the now empty box. Solar saunters over with a smug grin. “You mentioned having a friend who you missed from the outer rings…” she lowers her gaze only subtly “so I found him and brought him to you,” she says almost shyly. Regaining her confidence, she smiles brightly. “He’s officially a resident of the castle now.”

Mindlessly, I toss myself at her to hug her. She laughs loudly when I clumsily collide in to her. “You- This- I-” I splutter at a loss for word. How did she manage to this?! I mentioned my _friend_ like one time while I was with her, and I never even specified which ring he was from because I didn’t want him to get tied back to Kris or Luhan. If he did then well…we’d all be fucked.

She pulls away with a self-satisfied smile. “Shush, go on.” She kisses the corners of my lips. “Spend some time with him. I know you’ve missed him.” I nod and take a step backwards, before hesitating. Should I just leave her like this? It seems rude to…run to a human boy when she is here before me. She swats at me. “Go! I have a flight to take in an hour, so I’ll be leaving soon anyway. Take care of _both_ of your gifts.” She looks pointedly at the dragon’s breath jewelry being held loosely in my right hand. I quickly get a better grip on the box and hold it to my chest. She coos and pulls me in for a tight hug squashing the box between our bodies. “You’re so cute. Now go. Hurry before I change my mind and stay here.”

“Okay. Have a safe trip. Thanks…for everything.” I mumble, rubbing the box in my hand with my thumbs nervously.

I feel Luhan approaching us before I see or hear him. I try not to turn and look at him. “I’ll escort her back to her room your Highness,” he says. She hums and ruffles my hair, walking off without verbally saying anything to Luhan.

Boldly, Luhan takes my empty hand in his and pulls me through the room of cleaning humans, now the only sign that the party just happened. It fucking feels like I just dreamt the last hours up in my head. Everyone left so fast. How long did I stand up there and stare like an idiot? Ugh, I looked like such a fucking dumbass I know it. And did Tao…really…just…pop…out of a god damned box in the middle of the first ring like a god damned jack-in-box? As if was the most normal thing to be doing on a Saturday night?

And Solar, take care of both of my gifts? Did she mean for me to take care of Tao too? A human? Am I looking too far in to this, or did she just actually insinuate that I be _nice_ to a human boy?

“I don’t know what the _fuck_ is going on, but you’ll figure it out I’m sure. I’m have to leave, but…shit, I don’t know. Tell Jongin to get in touch with us. Okay?” Luhan’s words are whispered, and I almost tell him to shut up before someone hears him, until I realize we’re already in my room.

“What?”

“You enormous dummy,” he scoffs. “I’m going. Stay safe okay? Punch him for me.” He kisses my mouth almost unconsciously, then his eyes widen as if he hadn’t meant to do it. “Fuc- sorry! Uhm, ha. I’m going...” His hand slips from mine, and with a brief awkward wave Luhan is gone.

Yet again.

I suddenly feel cold.

Too much. Too much is going on.

The jewelry.

 _Shit_ , the jewelry. I tense my fingers to check and make sure that the box is in my hand before actually looking down. I trust touch more than I trust my sight right now. The box is still hanging from my fingers casually. Carefully I walk over to my bedside table and sit the box down, opening it to take another look at the colored opals inside. _Dragon’s breath_ stones. Holy. fucking. Shit.

I scoff in disbelief.

The sound of my toilet flushing startles me, and I realize that the bathroom door is open wide. Tao strolls out of the bathroom, looking around the main part of my room and greedily taking in all of the décor. “Nice place,” he says. “It’s a step up from the last to be honest.”

Tao.

This. Absolute. Fucking. Dumbass.

Frustration takes over and I stomp across the room to him. “Aw are you gonna hug me-” I punch him directly in his fucking stomach. He coughs as he’s cut off. When he doubles over clutching his stomach it only takes a second for his head to snap back up. His glare is sadder than it is deadly. “What the hell?!” he chokes out.

“You _idiot_ ,” I growl. His smile from his hunched over position makes me want to punch him again. He stands up straight as if he wasn’t even really hurt from my hit. I mean he probably wasn’t because he actually knows how to fight and I’m sure he only acted hurt so that I would feel better and get out my anger. And yeah I do feel slightly better after watching him double over in pain after his _dumbass_ decision to be here.

Him pretending to be hurt. The thought is sweet, but I’m still pissed.

“I missed you too baby. Come here, give daddy a kiss,” he reaches out with grabby hands and makes gross noises with his lips puckered. I raise my fist to hit him again and he recoils. I hope he can feel my anger rolling off of me. With a sigh of defeat, and a hand run through his new (admittedly gorgeous) purple hair, he stops acting over the top.

“How are you here?” I ask irritably. I don’t need any more of this bullshit. He shouldn’t be here. We both know this.

“First off, _ouch_. You punched me, and didn’t even apologize. It actually hurt-”

_“Bullshit.”_

“Okay only _partially_ bullshit. But SECOND OFF, you’d think I’d get a warmer welcome from you than from the _Queen_ you little-”

“TAO!” he winces and rolls his eyes.

“Fine!” he finally concedes. “She found me in the 3rd ring okay. I was wandering around bothering _no one_ when this like army of women surrounded me in the middle of the street.” He waves his arms around wildly while narrating his story. “Everyone around me just like backed away and watched like it was some kind of show and I’m left alone like a fucking rabbit between a group of wolves. So, this lady steps out, and she looks mean ass fuck but I knew that she was the boss, and she’s like is your name Tao? And I’m like yeah what’s it to you-” I give him an unimpressed look “Okay fine, I nodded.” That sounds more accurate. “So after that, she told the others to get me! So, like 20 people in dark purple body suits started grabbing at me. They snapped handcuffs on me and of course I could have kicked all their asses but I thought about you and how you wouldn’t want me to hurt people-”

“Or get yourself killed,” I add as more realistic outcome in the situations he put himself in.

He waves it off with a flick of his hand. “Yeah or that. So, I didn’t and this one lady knocked me out after making eye contact with me or some weird magical bullshit. I woke up in some room here in the castle like a while ago,” he explains.

I groan and smack my forehead with my palm. “You’re going to hate it here. They treat humans like shit.”

At that he only beams with a bright ass smile that makes him all but _glow_ in mischievous joy.

“It’s a good thing I’m not human then.”

I frown and glare at him because I am _sick_ of him and these fucking jokes. Why doesn’t he just explain himself without me having to fucking coax everything out of him? He giggles -actually giggles- and pushes me to my window. He removes his hands and looks out at the lit-up garden and back to me.

“Watch!” he holds his hand up and snaps his fingers. The sound rings through the room, and everything? Around us? Freezes??

The trees outside stop swaying in the wind. A bat flying through the air becomes suspended mid-flight. Even the air around us feels still. I tear away from the window to look at Tao with pure amazement. He nods and cackles.

He can use magic.

Tao can use magic!

I snap out of my stupor and grimace before smacking him in the side of the head.

“Stop _hitting_ me!” he whines.

“You fucking idiot!” I growl out again. I raise my hand ready to hit him again, but he grabs my wrist and keeps me from making contact by instead pulling himself in to kiss me. The air begins moving again, and it feels like the world speeds back up. I feel like I’ve been hit with a small truck by the time he pulls away. A goofy grin is on his face, and I am honestly so ready to blow my brains out from all the confusion I feel.

“Awesome,” he sighs out dreamily. I feel something inside of me stir, and for like the 200th time it’s like some stupid rope is extending outside of me.

But this time it’s connected to Tao.

“Does Kris know you’re here?” I hiss. He nods quickly.

“I saw Jongin for like a half second and he said he’d tell Kris. Everything is _fine_.”

So Kris knows…and now Luhan does too…I’m sure they’re confused as shit too. I pace in a line next to him. This feels…weird. I feel bad. He shouldn’t be here. This isn’t what I wanted for him, for us. We’re both just humans from a shitty part of the Capital. We shouldn’t be here. Could I convince him to run away? To escape? No, it’s too late for him.

“Did you…really not miss me?” he asks, uncharacteristically dejected. I stop in my tracks and gape at him in horror.

How could he think that?! “Of course I did! I missed you like hell,” I say angrier than intended. The betrayal of him actually thinking that I wouldn’t miss him is just…so outrageous. “I just- this just-” I huff loudly and clench my fists is frustration. He pulls me in for our first hug since he’s arrived.

“Good, because I missed you like hell too.” He murmurs. His voice vibrating in his chest against my cheek. I melt in his hold. This is what I needed. I didn’t realize how badly I needed him here.

Wait.

Once again switching emotions, I push away from him harshly. “How the _fuck_ did you turn into a Charmer?”

Already use to my quick change in emotions, he shrugs nonchalantly. “I dunno. When I woke up here, I got washed up and stuff and they did this to my hair and then I met the Queen. She…did something to me. It hurt like a bitch, but afterwards I could stop time and stuff.”

I narrow my eyes.

He whines loudly and pulls me back to his body. He rests his chin on my head. “Stop asking me questions. Shower me in affection like you were supposed to when your best friend showed up. Not hitting me. You and I both know that isn’t my kink.” I snort out a laugh and hit his back weakly. He pulls away after getting enough skin contact and drags me over to my bookcase. “Look at all the books you have, you fucking nerd.”

I zone out as he chats more to the bookcase than to me. Worry creeps up my spine as I watch him excitedly look around. Tao…is a Charmer.

Solar turned him into a Charmer. Solar can give people powers.

My stomach bottoms out. I don’t have a good feeling about this.

* * *

“Okay, so this is the game room. Oh! Oh my god you’d have been so proud of me; I figured out how to set up one of the old game systems to the new TV. I felt like a genius.”

“Aww look at you. My little child is learning how to do things.”

“You’re the worst.”

“And yet, you’re stuck with me.” I laugh and nudge Tao with my shoulder. With the sudden appearance of my friend, and a severe lack of things to do, I give him a tour of the castle to pass the time. Sehun and Chanyeol trail behind us. It feels like a dark cloud is looming over them, but I’m too excited about Tao being here for me to do much more than try and engage them in halfhearted conversation. Chanyeol responds, Sehun almost never does.

The initial panic after having realized that Solar can just _give_ people powers has passed, and I’ve found myself being more carefree and giggly than I have been in months. Tao’s presence triggered some part of me that I thought had vanished.

I’m happy.

I pinch Tao’s arm and he shoves me hard enough that I almost trip and fall in the middle of the hallway. Sehun grumbles incoherently.

“Ouch! That hurt! I’m sensitive you bean sprout,” I whine.

“I’m sensitive,” he mocks. What a dick. I stick my tongue out at him; he smiles innocently.

We wander to the abandoned gym and I eagerly guide him to the basketball court. “And this, is the basketball- oh shit!” Chanyeol jerks forward after tripping, and I reach out to him in worry. He doesn’t stumble much, but the sudden movement is enough to startle me and cut off my half-assed tour.

“Walk much?” Sehun asks at the same time that Tao laughs. The two of them abruptly stop, glare at one another, and then look away. Each of them grumbling under their breaths. I can’t help but roll my eyes at their petty behavior towards one another.

“Are you okay?” my voice comes off way softer than I actually intended. Chanyeol seems just as shocked by it as I do.

“Yeah…” his cheeks redden “I’m fine.”

“Can we eat lunch? I’m hungry.” Sehun interrupts and grabs my hand to pull me closer to him.

“No. I haven’t even seen all of this big ass palace yet.” Tao slings his arm over my shoulder and yanks me to his side harshly. I shrug his arm off of my shoulder and slide my hand from Sehun’s. The two of them don’t even seem to care as they begin bickering over absolutely nothing.

I give Chanyeol an unhappy glance. He smiles sympathetically. Linking my arm in his, I look up and pout. “Are you hungry? ‘Cause I am.”

He laughs. “I’ll go get food,” he says. After a pause, he absentmindedly runs his large hand over my hair and then walking away.

Now, back to the tall children.

“Yah!” I bark. The two quiet down with their increasingly loud arguing. “Can you two at least _pretend_ to like one another? Please? For my sake?” I plead.

Tao huffs and crosses his arms over his chest while Sehun scowls, grumbles under his breath again and begins to physically push me out of the room.

The two of them are all bark and no bite to be entirely honest. They’ll probably bitch at one another for the rest of their lives, put they won’t do much more than that.

Back in my room, the two settle back in to angry silent tension.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that they wanted to fuck.

_Sexual angry tension._

Ha.

“So Tao, are you supposed to be my…” I cringe “Charmer now?” what is the world coming to? Tao a Charmer. And I’m supposed to _own_ him? I’d laugh if it wasn’t entirely _fucked_.

He shrugs, “Yeah I guess. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing here besides being with you, so yes.”

I snort. “You are actually the world’s biggest idiot.”

“Blah blah but you love me.”

“You’re right I do.”

Anger.

Fury.

The feels hit so hard and fast that I actually stumble back as if hit by some invisible force. My breathing picks up; my heart starts to pound in my chest. I want to tear something apart. I want to scream and set something on fire. I want to fucking _hurt_ someone.

Tao looks panicked. All wide eyes and uneasy step backwards. Hs eyebrows furrow and his eyes flicker away from me to look beyond me. I close my eyes and try to regather my emotions, but it’s too hard.

I’m just so _mad_.

 _“You guys better fucking calm down before she explodes.”_ I don’t know if it’s in my head or being said aloud.

One breath in. Out.

Two breaths in. Out.

“Uh June?” Tao asks softly.

My eyes snap open. “ _What_?!” I snarl out. He raises his finger and points meekly behind me. Terrified. He looks terrified, but I don’t care.

If I fucking move I will actually _kill_ someone. I’m shaking. I feel on edge. I’m in fight or flight, and I’m leaning towards _fight_. I follow his finger and whip around to see Sehun, Jongin, and Chanyeol standing there looking highly displeased. Almost angry, but not nearly as, much as I feel.

Tao and Jongin share a look, and the fact that they decide to have some dumb fucking eye conversation while I’m standing in between them only helps to piss me off even more. Jongin step forward. I damn nearly growl.

He stumbles.

“June…” he tries. “You aren’t mad. You know that you aren’t.” What the fuck does he know? I _am_ mad. I’m _beyond_ mad. I’m furious! How dare he think that he knows my feelings? How dare any of them? I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t ask for their _fucking_ words of placation. Another low sound comes out of me and Jongin puts his hands up as if he’s dealing with a wild animal. As if _I’m_ suddenly some wild fucking animal. “We’ll leave…” he offers.

Chanyeol grabs Jongin by the upper arm. “We can’t leave her here by herself. This is _literally_ a repeat of 2 months ago,” he whispers harshly. Conflict flashes in Jongin’s worried eyes.

“We’ll stay,” Sehun offers quietly. “You guys go.”

“But-” Tao only gets out this single word before I glare at him, Jongin is at his side, and the two of them are suddenly gone from the room.

I focus on a spot on the light pearl pink tiles and can do nothing but feel the weight of my chest as it heaves up and down uncontrollably.

Sehun takes slow steps over. I ball my fists and close my eyes so that I won’t lash out. I can feel the part of me hiding back there telling me that I don’t want to be mad at them. It’s just too quiet under the sound of my erratic breathing. Arms wrap around me and I tense.

_Threat._

_It’s a threat._

Sehun exhales loudly, and immediately I feel the anger drain out of me and a wall of calm hitting me.

And then the tears start. Fat, messy, energy draining tears. As if each one of them carried an immense amount of pain and were finally making their way out of my body. Another body joins the huddle, and let myself break down.

* * *

The three of us are sitting locked in my ridiculously large bathroom sitting on the floor beneath a curtain of sheets that Sehun set up. He said blanket forts always help him when he’s sad.

He wasn’t totally wrong.

I do feel better beneath the thin sheets nestled close to them. I don’t feel as small since the space itself isn’t as big as the rooms in the castle.

The plate of food that Chanyeol had gone to get while we were on our shortened tour sits in the middle of us all. One look at it and I want to barf at the very thought of eating. I scowl at the plate childishly.

Chanyeol looks from me to the plate before spreading out his arms so that I can crawl in to them. I take up the offer wordlessly. With a frown set on my face, I sit between his legs and his arms wrap around me in a protective embrace. Sehun shoves the plate outside of our little tent.

I exhale deeply, and it feels like the last of my short-term anger fades entirely. The abrupt emotion totally drained me and really I don’t know what to think of it.

“So, what’s with you and that Tao kid?” Sehun asks out of nowhere. I roll my eyes all the way to the back of my head. I knew this line of questions was coming. Didn’t think it’d follow an emotional breakdown.

But when is my life ever made easy?

Chanyeol rests his chin on my shoulder, and I stop tensing. “First, i‘m pretty sure he’s older than you so he’s not a kid. And second, why does that even matter?”

“Well first,” Chanyeol rumbles out copying me “you’ve both been acting all lovey dovey. And second, he came out of nowhere and is already getting special treatment.”

“Special treatment?”

“He got his own room and a bunch of the other Charmers are already acing like his best friend,” Chanyeol explains. I snort. How unsurprising. Of course, he already met some of the Charmers through Kris’s “cult house” when Jongin would bring people.

I click my tongue, “He’s been my friend for years and he knows some of them through…Kris.”

“You guys act like a lot more than just friends,” Sehun mutters.

“Yeah well we dated a while ago. And like I said he’s my _best friend_. I’m _sorry_ if that’s so offensive.”

This time he frowns with his entire face. “You said you loved him.”

I quirk an eyebrow. “Yes? It’s because I do? And?”

He looks like a fish as he looks for his words. Taken aback by my honesty.

Chanyeol sighs and his head on my shoulder gets heavier. “And... what he’s trying to say is It hurt our feelings.”

I tilt my head to the side in curiosity. Why did that hurt their feelings? Chanyeol shrugs as if he somehow heard the unsaid question in my mind.

“Do you love us too?” Sheun asks a bit breathlessly. As if he has to pull the sentence from the very depths of his soul. “You’ve never…said… _that_ to us.” And now he’s sitting here in front of me, kind of dejected and trying to hold in a pout. A pout that still manage s to peek out.

And he’s not wrong.

I feel like shit for the way he looks so…hurt and disheartened so I open my mouth to try and explain myself.

The arms around my torso leave, and Chanyeol starts making incessantly loud noises. When I look over my shoulder he’s covering both of his ears with his hands and screwing his eyes closed. “ _Lalala_ I don’t want to hear the answer _lalala_. Don’t say anything _lalala_!”

“No, I want to hear!” Sehun speaks up over the cringeworthily noises coming from Chanyeol.

Feeling cornered and at a loss for how to answer then honestly, I stand up and get trapped in the blankets that were settling above us. After some light thrashing about, I toss the sheet off of me and look down at the two Charmers below me who have done nothing to hurt me and have only ever wished for my honesty. Honesty, that I seem to lack and fear.

“I’m too tired to have this conversation with you guys right now. I’m going to sleep,” I mumble pathetically. I can’t even look at them I the eyes after copping out like this again.

Why do I always go to sleep when I don’t want to talk?

Just as I’m walking out I hear Sehun’s whispered assumption, _“She doesn’t…”_

In my closet, I all but rip off my clothes to pull on a clean pair of pajamas. I don’t know why Sehun’s words hurt so much. Not only do they hurt, but they make me feel sad and shitty. And just a little bit mad because _what does he know_? Nothing. That’s what. None of them know anything. None of them know my feelings. None of them understand anything that I’m going through, and the worst part is I know that I wouldn’t tell them even if they could understand.

Some stupid part of me, is still trying to protect them.

To protect me.

But, I’m doing an absolutely _shitty_ job at it.

* * *

Kyungsoo’s presence is soothing. There’s something about him that just oozes comfort and understanding, and after weeks of my own mental battles wearing me out, sitting here on his bed with him in silence is strangely just what I need.

Tao has been here for a week now. He seems to like it here despite the fact that he’s almost been sent to the dungeon 30 times for not knowing how to behave like a proper Charmer. Since the whole thing with him showing up I’ve felt awful.

My mind has been all over the place. The voices in my head have started to speed up and grow in numbers. I can almost never understand what they’re saying but they’re always there like background noise to my day. It’s slowly driving me insane. Sehun hasn’t warmed up to Tao at all, but Chanyeol seems to like teasing him. I took it as a sign of budding friendship.

Junmyeon has also taken a weird liking to Tao. The two of them talk a lot and outside of myself, Tao has latched on to him. It took 2 lessons with him for Tao to decide that Junmyeon is one of the most amazing people alive…well outside of Kris at least.

Junmyeon has gotten better at his magic and I’ve even memorized a few laws from our most recent lessons together. He’s a fast learner, but I’m not shocked since he’s basically a genius and is competitive with himself. Tao says that he’s like…unreal.

I agreed full heartedly.

My moods have been fairly unstable as well since Tao showed up. One minute I’m happy and the next I want to jump out of a window. I go from laughing to crying. From anger to feeling nothing. When I went to Yixing to see if I had some kind of mental illness, he had no advice to give.

So, I came to Kyungsoo. One, because it feels like I haven’t seen him in a while, and two because I needed to get out of my room. I didn’t want to be in there, I don’t want to be around Sehun, Chanyeol, _or_ Tao but I didn’t want to be alone.

I had kind of hoped to see Jongin, but he’s been all over the place lately. I can’t seem to catch him alone.

I peer at Kyungsoo who is curled into his blankets beside me with a book from my room in his hands and his eyes narrowed as he tries to read the book in the poor lighting of the room. His upper body peeks up out of the blankets and his legs stretch out below them. His blanket covered feet barely touch my curled-up form.

It’s quiet except the for the sound of his breathing and the occasional sound of a page turning.

That is until Junmyeon rushes into the room slamming the door open.

He’s latched on to Tao and he’s absolutely beaming, eyes crinkled, cheeks shining, and he’s laughing in pure joy. Tao doesn’t look nearly as ecstatic, but he does seem to be in awe. “Oh my god look at what I learned how to do!”

Kyungsoo looks at me and then slowly closing his book, seemingly interested in the crazy excited Junmyeon standing in his shared room.

I lean forward in anticipation of what it is that he has to show, and why Tao was dragged along with him. Damn they’ve gotten close fast.

Then, Tao drops to his knees.

I jump at the sound of his body hitting the ground, Kyungsoo gapes in confusion, and Junmyeon is still smiling. Now _concentrating_.

Tao stands back up and his arms start to wriggle around as if out of his control. His face shows nothing but fake annoyance.

That’s when I finally realize that Junmyeon is doing this. Junmyeon is blood bending using Tao as his puppet.

My own blood goes cold.

Shaking.

Fire.

Bodies.

The orphanage.

Momma.

Blood.

Injuries.

The boys.

The hallucinations.

Fire.

Killing.

 _Murderer_.

The words fly through my head, images flashing before my eyes making my head dizzy. All of the voices buzzing in my head amplify. They bombard me with words. They bombard me with thought. I can’t think. I can’t move. The air around me feels like its rushing at me at the speed of a freight train.

The bed shifts as Kyungsoo leans away in panic.

“Oh shit,” Tao curses. His body now back in his control, Junmyeon now looking more than a little shaken at his side.

“What’s going on?” Junmyeon asks worriedly. I can pull Tao’s voice out through the noise in my head but I can’t make out what he’s saying. Like harsh waves the hallucinations, the memories, the voices pound on my head. I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my head in my hands to hold my head together so that it doesn’t explode.

“CAN YOU ALL LEAVE,” I shout. At the voices, at the images, at the guys in the room. At everyone. The voices slow down and quiet back to low hum, like they were scared off by my yell. I open my eyes and none of the boys haven’t moved from their spots. “Please. _Please. Please go **away** …_” the first of the tears plops down from my eye.

Junmyeon looks heartbroken. “We need to go. _Right now_ ,” Tao commands, taking the other’s arm to pull him away. “You can talk to her later, but we need to go.”

The door closes with a bang and with that the images flickering through my head are scattered away. I’m left all but hyperventilating on the bed with no idea what to do with myself.

_Leave. You need to leave._

Leave. I’ll leave. I need to get out of here. It’s the castle that’s doing this to me.

But I can’t move. My chest is tight; I can’t get in air. It feels like my throat is keeping itself closed off. Like it’s making the decision for me to go ahead and just _die_ , why don’t I?

A hand touches me and I flinch. The hand leaves. I squeeze my eyes tight and the ragged breaths become even harder to take in. I can’t breathe.

_I can’t breathe._

The hand returns, this time settling on my back. “Hey,” a calming voice whispers. “You’re having an anxiety attack. I’m going to help you calm down. Is it okay if I help you calm down?”

I nod, I can’t get out the words.

“I’m going to rub a triangle on your back. I want you to just listen to me, and breathe as I tell you to okay?” I my heart is pumping too hard. My chest is too tight. There’s no room inside of my torso, and I’m feeling lightheaded. The hand moves and tears flow from my eyes. “Breathe in,” I follow. The hand goes down, “hold it.” I try, but the air comes rushing back out of me. And quickly turns erratic once more. Is hi what it feels like to die? “It’s fine, it’s okay.” The hand coos. “Try again. We’ll try again.

And so, the triangle is drawn on my back. Small at first and then slowly it gets bigger and more drawn out. Finally, I feel like the plug has been pulled out of my throat.

Strong arms wrap around me, and I silently cry myself to sleep. Exhausted after this whole fucking _ordeal_.

The last thing I remember is dreaming that flowers bloomed around the bed. I fall asleep and dream about a field of lillies.


	49. 47. Gluttony

I wake up wrapped in…unfamiliar arms.

Well, the arms aren’t totally unfamiliar, but I _definitely_ haven’t woken up in these arms before. I blink dazedly around the pitch-black room and attempt to get my mind to leave its fuzzy post sleep state. I don’t feel scared or afraid, so there’s no reason for me to freak out about not waking up in my bed.

I would still like to know where the fuck I am all of a sudden, and who the fuck is holding me.

Trying not to wake up the other, I shift back away from the chest I was resting against. I squint as if it’s going to help me see any better in the dark. The other person stirs in their sleep and groans tiredly.

“June?”

“Soo?” I ask in disbelief. He grunts and shifts again before letting me go. When he sits up he leans over and turns on a dim lamp. I go blind.

“How are you feeling?” he asks sleepily. I look at him through narrowed eyes as I get adjusted to the new light. He rubs at his eyes. His hair is sticking up like a porcupine.

Cute.

“Tired.”

“Mm. Do you need to go back to sleep? It’s only…” he yawns and glances at the tiny projection of the time next to his lamp. “2am.”

“What am I doing here?” I glance around and take in the darkened room that I remember being in before Suho and Tao came in and…

_Oh._

“It seems like I don’t have to tell you…” he says slowly. I blink and look over at the lump of a person in the bed across the small room. Is that Jongin? Is he alive over there? “He’s fine,” Kyungsoo says after following my gaze. “He sleeps like a rock. He fell asleep after asking me a thousand questions about whether you were okay.”

I grunt.

Turning back to Kyungsoo, I find him looking over my face with a lot more focus that I thought anyone could be capable of at 2 in the morning. Not to mention the fact the I just _happened_ to be sleeping in his bed.

Kyungsoo has barely even hugged me before.

“Are _you_ okay?” I ask him quietly.

He hums. “Yeah. Just a little freaked out…”

“Because of…me?”

He hums again.

I look down at my blanket covered legs. Great. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you or anything. It’s not even that big of a deal…it happens sometimes. You don’t have to worry.”

“That’s not it,” he says distractedly. I scrunch up my nose and pick at the strings of the fraying blanket. I don’t like the way he’s looking at me. I feel like his gaze is pulling out all of my flaws and secrets and evil deeds and it makes me feel too vulnerable.

Damn him and those large fucking owl eyes.

“Are you up to going out to the garden?”

* * *

 

_“Okay, this is getting gross let go.”_

_It starts off just as it did at the party the boys held for me in the Charmer hall. There was food, drinks, decorations, familiarity. The mass of bodies that had all decided to create huge group hug had started to sway just as it had then, and I knew what would be next. From the middle of the groupi braced myself for the fall that would be coming._

_Closed my eyes, held my breath._

_But instead of falling, everything was instead flying. Flying away from me._

_Like an explosion had erupted from me, everybody in the room was thrown back, gaping holes through their torsos left as evidence of the explosion. It looked as if perfect circles had been carved out of them with a laser. When I looked down at my own body, I was perfectly fine. Perfectly fine and raised up off the ground._

_Floating._

_Blood rises from the ground in thin streams that sling around like whips. The whips coil around my forearms like decoration, and take on a life of their own lashing out at anything and everything around them. Slashing and cutting at the already decaying bodies around me._

_When did they start decaying? How long have I been here_ attacking _them?_

_A mirror materializes beside me, and I catch sight of myself for the first time. The dragon’s breath jewelry sits proudly atop my head and dangles from my ears as if they have always been attached to my body. As if they have always belonged there as a natural part of me. My eyes, as red as the copper-smelling liquid around me._

_Crazed._

_Everything about me is crazed._

_The mirror vanishes, and behind where it once stood is the throne. The Queen’s chair, and slumped in the seat is Solar’s dead body. Slashed by the blood whips and missing an entire section of her torso. A wide circle that’s pouring out blood and staining the once beautiful floor beneath her._

_I am the Queen now._

_I had to kill everyone to get everyone to get here. I’m the same as Momma. I’ll always end up being the same as Momma_

* * *

 

I wake up from the nightmare panting as if I’ve just run 2 different marathons nonstop. My forehead is dripping with sweat and my pulse is worrisomely quick.

Chanyeol sits up beside me, hair disheveled, sleepy and panicked at the same time. He throws out a punch in front of him as if he has any kind of coordination or intention to _actually_ hurt someone. “Yah! Who is it!?” his attention moves to me as he sobers up and looks a bit more attentive. “Shit, what is it?”

I swallow hard and toss the covers off of me. “Nothing,” I shake my head to myself. “I’m just0 I have- I need to see Solar. Just stay here. I’m gonna go see Solar,” I tell him. I shuffle to the edge of the bed. I need to see her. I need to make sure she’s okay.

I need her to tell me that I’m okay.

Chanyeol’s hand wraps around my wrist. When I face him, he gives me one of the saddest looks I’ve ever seen from him, and I’ve seen a lot of Chanyeol’s sad faces. “Don’t…you don’t have to go.”

“I know…” I pull my hand away “…but I want to.”

Hurt stabs me in my chest like a knife and I look down just to make sure that I’m not actually bleeding. I sprint out of the room before I can feel any worse about leaving.

Solar is is her bed when I barg in and throw myself under her covers. She wakes with a start at all the movement I created in her otherwise still bed.

“What?” comes her first sleep filled reply. I curl in to her side and bury my far into the material of her nightdress. “What’s happening? Baby? Baby what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Am I crying?

I didn’t even notice. I’m fucking _always_ crying these days.

I hate this.

An audible sob spills from my lips and I startle at the sound. That dying animal sound came from me? Solar’s hand doesn’t stop rubbing up and down my back even as she pulls the thick blanket far over our heads. “It’s alright,” she whispers. “It’s okay. It’s just us. It’s just you and me. There’s no need for tears. I’m right here. It’s just us. Just focus on the sound of my voice. You’re okay.”

Her hold tightens as she continues to murmur calmly into my ear like a soft spell. The affection in the gestures and words brings back thoughts of all the other times she has selflessly shown how much she cares for me. Since the very first day I got here she’s been nothing but loving and kind to me.

_Something is wrong._

_She hates us, that’s why she doesn’t talk to us._

_She doesn’t want to talk to us, she hates us._

_She doesn’t trust us._

The voices come and worry seeps into my bones. Washing away the sadness and apprehension from the nightmare. Worry and anger takes over instead. The words feel like pins that are being pushed inside of me and letting all of my emotions build up without release. They make the sadness feel worse. The hurt feels more severe. Everything is intensified.

I want it to stop. I just want it to _stop_ but I don’t know how to do that.

“Baby, what happened?”

My throat feels dry when I look up at her worried face. Deep lines being etched into her skin from all of the recent frowning and stress that I’ve brought into her life. “A nightmare,” I croak out and understanding washes over her features immediately.

This isn’t the first time I’ve run to her arms after a dream like this. Previously…I was already in her bed. They started once I was rescued after being…gone for those days.

It’s been a while since the last, and the only reason I can think of for its unexpected resurrection is Junmyeon’s recent discovery. His newfound ability to manipulate blood. A shiver of fear runs down my spine and I clutch at Solar’s pajama desperately.

“Solar, make me forget. Please help me forget.” Her eyes widen in confusion. The emotions in her eyes make her look young and lost. I don’t know what I want from her. I just want to…forget. To stop thinking for a while. I need to stop thinking for just a while. I search her eyes for an answer to the unsaid question in the air, until it finally manifests in my mind.

I need her to fuck me.

“Make love to me,” I beg. “Please, I just…I feel so empty and alone and I know that I’m not because there’s you and the Charmers and even some of the Gaia who care enough to check up on me, but I don’t…I don’t feel right. I haven’t felt right. Make love to me so that I can feel right.”

She looks at me with an emptiness in her eyes that scares me. What happened to the emotions that were so clearly there before? She just looks tired. She looks and theres just a hint of the worry that has been etched on her face. She doesn’t say it, but I know that I’m part of the reason for that.

Finally, after seconds of silent staring she nods. She nods and frown in determination. “Whatever you need. I’ll do whatever you need.”

And then she kisses me. With more energy and passion than I’ve ever felt and it shuts out all of the voices and thoughts and feelings for the time being. This is what I wanted. This is what I _needed_.

Which one of us is in charge of the other?

Her lips, her touch, her _love_ touches ever corner of my existence and I feel so warm that tears well up in my eyes that don’t fall. The amount of love in each simple movement of action that she makes feels so genuine and so raw that I feel small. I can feel how consumed by _me_ she is. How much she has held back. How totally and irrevocably in love with me Solar is.

And I feel drunk on it.

I’ve been without this feeling for so long and I’ve purposefully pushed it away when it was close enough to me for me to subconsciously notice. And yet, this is what I’ve wanted. What I’ve _craved_ even. Luhan tried. Jongin tries. Tao tries. Sehun and Chanyeol try, but I don’t let them. I offer such a small part of myself even when I can see that they’d give me their all if I let them.

Maybe I’m selfish.

Maybe I’m scared.

Whatever I am…I am the worst kind of person to _knowingly_ let this go on and not giving them answers or any more of myself than I have. I’ll give them my life. I’ll let them in to my past. But I refuse to give them my heart.

Not fully at least.

And I continue to string them along. I give them affection that I know they’re deprived of. I take them under my wing and implant these…these hopes into their hearts that I don’t intend on growing to fruition. I give them the exact same things that I wished someone would have given me after my parents died.

And I let them down just as it felt everyone around me did.

I’m sick. I’m a sick person and I wish I’d never started this twisted fucking game. I don’t even know where my thoughts begin and my emotions end. Everyone is going to get hurt in the end.

I know it.

Solar’s lips seer unspoken promises in to my skin and her whispered confession only makes my heart ache at the admission I’d already known.

_“I’m not going to be hear much longer. I want you to take my place when I’m gone.”_

Through tongues and touches I can feel the goodbye she wants me to hear but doesn’t dare say. I’m going to lose her soon and we both know it. I can’t give her an answer with words, so I try to express my own love through actions.

I want to protect the boys. I want to fix the world. If I have to become the Queen to do it…then I will. I want to be able to finally give them the love that I haven’t. I can do that if I just had more to give. More things. More time. More everything. They deserve so much more than I can offer right now…they deserve better than boring Wheein replacement me.

I seal my unsaid promise of acceptance with a kiss.

* * *

 

I travel with Solar more these days. Never twice to the same place. I sit in on meetings. I weigh in on discussions. I learn more about everything that is happening with all of the people higher up. The things that they don’t tell the rest of the citizens in fear of backlash.

And wow would there be backlash if word of this stuff got out.

This month alone there have been over 20 assassination attempts on Solar, and those have just been the ones that they caught before they succeeded. There’s no telling how many additional ones just happened to fail.

I usually bring along Minseok or Kyungsoo when I go to the meetings so that I don’t feel completely alone. As 2 of the more…mannerly of the Charmers it’s the safest bet to bring them since they won’t accidently mess up or have their lives threatened. Today it’s Minseok’s turn.

We’re inside of some large meeting room that took an hour to get to by plane. An hour, and the plane was extremely fucking fast so I have no idea how far we actually are from the castle itself. We could be on an entirely different continent for all I know. This is the first of two meeting that will happen this weekend. First this one as a brief for Solar’s most trusted, and then a larger with others. The current meeting has been going on for almost 30 minutes now, and Moonbyul has been carrying it all on her own.

Baekhyun stands next to the chair she once occupied, nearly blending in to the wall behind him. I avoid looking at him while Moonbyul carries on with her speech on how to protect the crown and the Gaia in the room. Her ideas consist of mainly plans of arresting and bombing entire cites. Bombing entire countries even. The defense of the actions comes from a belief that the areas that would be attacked are areas that are full of people who pose a threat to the current rule.

The fact that the areas are primarily home to millions of Charmers and humans goes unsaid.

“The castle has been triple protected with charms and boundaries that are invisible to the naked eye making it one of the safest place on the planet at the moment. This only happened after it was infiltrated and we had to…step up our safety precautions for a resident.” Moonbyul’s eyes land on me. I stiffen and Minseok shivers. “No one dared attack the castle itself until recently, so it is safe to assume that plots against the throne are stepping up and becoming more serious.”

Solar rubs at her temple from beside me. “I know they will manage to get to me it’s only a matter of time. It is no longer a secret that I can’t bear a daughter. Everyone knows and there is no way to wipe the memories of an entire planet. We don’t have that technology yet. My citizens are angry, and they have every right to be. They are angry and feel threatened and some of them will do whatever it takes to ensure their safety. Especially if it means getting rid of me now before someone has the chance to properly overthrow me when I’m old and weak and without an heir. That is why I have already begun the preparations for my successor, and I would like to start the transition as soon as possible.”

Hushes whispers scatter through the room at the announcement. I hear Moonbyul’s name being tossed around as well as my own.

Moonbyul smiles from her spot in front of the room. “I full heartedly agree, and I accept-”

“June will be taking over the crown,” Solar interrupts. The whispers get even louder as some women mutter in surprise and others in disbelieving anger. Moonbyul’s face drops. I almost feel bad for her. Almost. Solar stands up and continues on, “She is young and fertile. Not only that, but she has the ability to command the kingdom and the will to initiate change that will help to deter the current…violence and unrest that has broken out in various parts of my kingdom.”

“But she is uneducated!” Moonbyul erupts. Her face flushing a dark pink from…anger? Frustration? Embarrassment? She scoffs and looks around the room for support. Others nod along with her obvious disapproval of my nomination. “Not only is she uneducated in our ways, but she is _human_ your Highness. There is no way-”

“Those are but minor issues,” Solar cuts in once again. I shrink a bit in my chair as furious looks are thrown my way and harsh words are whispered under the various women’s breaths. I knew they’d be pissed, but I didn’t think they’d be so fucking direct about it. Solar takes in the reactions and forges on. “She has been educated by one of the best tutors that I have to offer. She is not only being versed in the laws on the land, but also in literature, science, and the arts. With this plus the knowledge that she has from the outside she will be able to bring I a fresh perspective to these dull meetings and offer advice that we would not dare not think of. Issues we have no understanding of since we are so far separated from the heart of the problems.”

I stare wide eyed as she goes on to make me seem like some all-knowing foreigner. If I didn’t know any better I would think that she’s actually open to reforming the way Charmers and humans are treated. The Gaia live fine, many of them don’t want change…but the Gaia aren’t the kingdom’s only inhabitants.

“But she is still human!”

“She is a _child_!”

“The lineage would be cut off!”

“What about the order of things your Highness!?”

Solar is unmoved by the numerous complaints. She continues to stand unbothered before the room like an adult among frustrated children. It’s really admirable.

I would have probably started crying by now. I already feel attacked, since they’re all pissed about me. My leg shakes nervously beneath the large wooden table as the shouting gets worse and the women get angrier. I can nearly feel the magic being released in the air from how out of control they’re all feeling.

Minseok’s hand on my shoulder is enough to remind me to breath amidst the chaos. I whisper a ‘thank you’ to him and he nods before going back to keeping his attention focused on the floor.

“I hear your concerns! However, they are invalid. She _will_ be my successor, and the lineage _will_ carry on. I will handle it.” Solar looks pointedly at me and I nod at her. Once again just to reaffirm my acceptance of the title.

What the hell am I even doing?

Solar sits back down and the women around us take it as their cue to either defend or refute my nomination. It gets heated, and I can’t help but feel happy at the women who stand up to passionately defend me as the next ruler of the _god damned kingdom wow I’m really crazy what the fuck._

The debates carry on until dinner, and thankfully the thought of food is enough to get the Gaia to stop and disperse to the dining hall where food is to be served. I sigh heavily next to Minseok as we walk slowly at the back of the crowd making their way to the designated diner area.

He pats my back.

I muster up a weak grin.

The large table is laid out with food much like the one that has its home in the castle, and I watch as some of the Gaia sit on the laps of the Charmers that they brought. Baekhyun and Moonbyul included. I’m so hungry I’m going to die.

 _Shit_.

I brought Minseok. Is he even going to be okay with this? Like, this is a little bit much for our current relationship. Maybe I can convince Solar that I’m not hungry and would rather take an early night so that I can rest up. Ah yes. That sounds like a plan. I stumble over my feet as I decide last minute to not sit in my chair, but Minseok ignores my hesitation and takes the seat as if it’s second nature. He pats his lap with that stupid cute fucking lopsided grin of his and I open my mouth to tell him no when my traitor of a stomach growls out.

He holds back a laugh. I groan and settle atop his lap. I hate this. I really do, but also Minseok is _really_ fit? Like wow how did I not notice this before?

Attempting to ignore that fact that Minseok is _fit as fuck_ and I’m sitting _right on his lap_ I decide to go ahead and start stuffing my face. Food. The best distraction.

Besides sleeping of course.

Each time I try to offer some of the food to Minseok, he politely declines by shaking his head and smiling uncomfortably. Am I squishing him? Is my weight crushing him? But…then again I almost never see him eat…

Dinner passes with only _two_ women getting too vocal about the meeting that we just had and having to be calmed down and escorted out for a minute, but that’s better than I expected from the first announcement of…you know…me and being Queen and all that.

Minseok has to all but drag me back to my room after I ate more than I probably should. It hurts to move to be honest. Once back inside of my rented room, I hobble over to the bathroom and vomit. Barely making it to the toilet.

Everything comes out violently and each time I try to swallow down the acidic saliva and remnants, more vomit comes back up.

“You…okay?” Minseok asks while gently rubbing my back. “You don’t usually do this do you?”

I shake my head, feel nauseated at the move and dry heave into the toilet. “No,” I gurgle out. “I I just ate so much.”

He sighs, it sounds like it’s in relief. “Good,” he mumbles.

* * *

 

The larger meeting ends up being even worse off than the first. Cutting to the chase, Solar started the gathering with the announcement of my nomination. And as expected the place nearly exploded as a shit storm hit the room. People stood from chairs. People shouted. Some even cried.

Solar looks tired, and sits down letting the women yell and argue to their hearts content. Nothing that she has to say will put them at ease.

But maybe I can.

I’ve learned how to voice my thoughts in a controlled way, and I’ve had plenty of lessons on how to behave and even control a crowd. This would be my first time doing it…but I think they need to hear what I have to say.

“I have something I would like to say,” I announce standing from my chair. The room quiets slightly. “I’m aware that you all doubt my abilities seeing as I’m just a human. I hear that you fear for the wellbeing of the nation under a mear _girl’s_ control. But let us not forget that this entire room of Gaia, of women, originated from the human woman. Perhaps you have forgotten your own lessons that you learned in school, but I _am_ one of they highest beings on the planet. While I may be under the Queen, do not forget that I am, and will always be, above _you_. It has not escaped my attention that you worry about the state of the kingdom under someone like me, but honestly with the way things are currently going…there is not much that I could do to ruin it. There is truly nowhere to go but up. I’m not asking for your blessing. Nor am I asking for your adoration, but I _am_ requesting your respect. Not only for myself but for the Queen who has been so gracious to hear your thoughts on the matter when I could have easiy been given the position in silence.” I finish and look around the room daring anyone to try and argue with any of the things I’ve said. At the stunning silence I sit back in my seat satisfied.

Solar stands back up with the largest grin I’ve seen in weeks. “Now, if that isn’t the makings of a Queeen then I don’t know what is. My lineage will continue through June. The specifics of it need not be discussed here, but you can rest assured that everything can and will be handled on my end before she takes over. The only thing that I ask is that you all assist in making the transition as quick and quiet as possible. Thank you,” with a bow she sits back down. One of the Gaia who I happen to like stands up and dismisses everyone to the reception room. We have to reconvene after lunch.

Solar pats the top of my head in appreciation. My face burns in embarrassment. I’m glad that she’s proud of me. I was like 3 secocond from shitting my pants in front of all of them really.

After eating a light lunch, I escape to the bathroom to pee. I didn’t eat much, but I drank enough to fill a small bathtub. Minseok goes back to the meeting room to wait for me.

The line leading from the bathroom is long. Almost every woman in the building seems to be lined up to use the restroom.

“Jeez does _everyone_ have to pee…” I mumble to myself.

The woman in front of me who happened to be nosily listening to me laughs softly. She turns around and smiles a smile that makes the edges of her eyes crinkle up. She looks like a grandma. “Oh honey, we aren’t here to urinate.” I cock my head to side. Well then what the hell are they all wandering around the bathroom for? “That was a beautiful speech by the way. Very well said. You shut down a lot of those women’s doubts by speaking for yourself.”

I smile in thanks at the compliment.

Someone barfs in the stall closest to the doorway.

“Oh thank god she’s almost done,” a woman 2 or 3 people behind me mutters angrily. I blink dumbly at the stall and then listen more intently to the sounds around me. Multiple people are throwing up. They’re throwing up and then leaving to eat more. And then getting right back in line.

Is this what Minseok was talking about when he asked if I usually throw up after eating?

“Uhm, excuse me but why is everyone throwing up? Was something wrong with the food?” I ask the grandma ahead of me.

“Eating is about tasting the food. Why risk getting fat when you can eat as much as you want and get rid of it before it has a chance to harm your body? Have you never done this before young one?” she looks me over from head to toe and cringes. “That would explain your weight.”

I cross my arms across my stomach and turn away from the woman’s disapproving eyes. Do all of them always do this? I mean…the logic doesn’t sound _wrong_. It definitely doesn’t sound right, but…maybe…

The line shortens and I get the chance to use the stall finally. I see the area in a whole different light now. I thought the thing that looks like a funky sink next to the toilet was just that, a sink. Now that I know of its hidden purpose, I’m tempted to try for myself.

So,

I try it.

It takes a few tries, and my throat burns by the time my lunch comes back up. I feel gross and my eyes are watering uncontrollably after having gagged so much, but I feel lighter.

When I wash my hands and flush the toilet, I head back to the conference room feeling conflicted.


	50. 48. Sloth

The table is covered in all kinds of food. Some of which I’ve never gotten to try, some that I’ve come to love. Foods that I have only seen but never got a chance to eat because by the time I catch sight of it, I’m already far too full to try to eat anything else.

Junmyeon is staring at the array of dishes uneasily.

“You don’t usually eat this much food…” he observes.

I avoid giving him an actually answer by shrugging noncommittally and picking up some squishy dessert that looks like a jello cupcake.

“I’m sorry…you know. For when I scared you…” he murmurs. The memory of his blood bending flashes through my mind but leaves it just as fast. For some reason…I’m not as bothered by it as I was.

I put the cupcake thing back down and dust my hands off on the leg of my pants. I don’t want him to feel guilty for _my_ reaction to something. “No, it was my fault. I freaked out about something that I encouraged you to do. I’m really proud that you figured out how to do it, really.” I offer a smile to ease his heart. “Have you found any other cool uses for your power?”

He brightens just a bit. “Yeah it was really easy to do after a bit of training. Finding new ways to manipulate water I mean.”

“Amazing,” I praise. I pick the cupcake thing back up and take a bite of it while Junmyeon goes on to explain how he figured out some new trick of his that he picked up. I nod every 3 seconds but feel more distracted by the party going on in my mouth. This delicious ass cupcake. It feels like a pillow when you bite in to it, but then it melts on your tongue.

This is the magic that I’m here for.

I sit and watch Junmyeon go around the room making bubbles of water out of molecules of water in the air and then juggle them around for at least half an hour. The go from the size of ping pong balls to huge beach balls in the span of that time.

“Dude, wait. I need to go to the bathroom, but I’ll be right back. Don’t…drench any of my stuff while I’m gone.”

“No promises.”

I snort and run off to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. Kneeling at the toilet, the familiar feeling of fear creeps into my stomach as I glance from the toilet bowl to the door.

_Something’s not right._

_She’s not the same._

_She hasn’t even tried to contact us. She hates us._

Worry. Concern. Helplessness.

I hold on to the bowl tighter and scowl at my distorted reflection in the water.

This is what I want. I know this. I…I want to be Queen and I have to be pretty to be Queen. This will make me pretty.

I push a shaky finger down my throat and watch as a rainbow of color swirls around in the bowl. A colorful mix of all the foods I’d eaten decorating the water like abstract art.

* * *

 

I had to dress up for the official press conference with Solar today. And as expected after that meeting, word has gotten out of me and my existence, and now everyone is in a frenzy. The conference is being held in a castle room that I wasn’t even aware existed. It’s in the 2nd building of the castle and is big enough to seat 10,000 people.

That might just be how many people are here.

God, I’m glad I didn’t dress myself for this. Some of the Gaia came in early this morning to put me in a dress that would match the dragon’s breath stones I got as a birthday gift. I feel a lot older in this that I ever have.

I have to walk in to the room on my own, and as soon as I’m within eyesight the cameras begin to flash wildly. Violently almost. It feels like the lights are physically punching me as I try to stay calm and make my way through the parted crowd.

Microphones are set up on a wide stage in the center of the room, and Solar stands in front of the main podium in its middle. She looks comfortable in this setting. Totally unbothered by the pictures and videos being taken of her every move.

While walking to the microphones, questions are thrown at me like rocks. I try to tune them out, but it still scares me more than I care to admit. I manage to walk slowly for the most part, but as soon as I touch the first stair, I nearly run to Solar’s side. I partially hide behind her while she waits for the reporters and visitors to lower their voices to silence.

“I would like to thank you all for coming today to this urgent press conference. As you all may know, I have officially chosen my successor; due to the news I am also aware that there may be many rumors and speculations,” she pauses for effect. “This is why I stand before you to personally introduce June as my official successor.”

The cameras and voices flare once more. It’s thunderous in the grand room, but I still catch some of the ones from those closest to us.

“What does this mean for the kingdom?!”

“How could you succeed to a human?!”

“Does this mean that you really are baren?!”

Her answers come just as eloquently as one would expect from _the_ royal over the country. The royal I’m supposed to somehow take the place of. Her answers are short and irect and leave no room for manipulation. “I want the transition to be as soon as possible,” she says to the room.

One reporter in the front yells out a short “Why?”

“I want to be alive to see it.,” she explains.

The murmurs grow and its like thunder spreads through the room in speculations.

“What does this mean your majesty? Do you believe that you will die soon?”

Solar’s smile is sour when she answers. “I expect that my end to be closer than I intend.”

Her words spark something in the thousands of people in the room and the yelling becomes nearly deafening. People push forward. People start shouting questions at me hoping to get my thoughts on all that is happening, but I know that I have no place in responding right now. So, I stay quiet and try not to freak out with all the flashing and yelling.

The attendants push closer to the stage and I take step back in fear as they try to advance on us for answers. I attempt to keep my expression neutral while Solar handles the escalating situation. I just wish that I had one of the Charmers here with me to touch my shoulder or something so that I can be reminded that everything will be okay.

Everything feels like it’s slowly crashing down on me.

* * *

 

I can’t get myself to leave my bed for days after the conference. As soon as it was over I crashed on my bed and stared up at the ceiling hoping that it would give me a sign of things to come. Because it’s official. Everyone knows about me and the power I will soon have over the kingdom.

I can’t even imagine how many people are pissed off about this.

I don’t move from my bed. I can’t. I can’t leave, I can’t sit up, I can’t even lift my hands to eat.

“You’re a lazy ass. You can get up,” Tao grumbles. I grunt in response and stay immobile. Chanyeol and Sehun are gone for the night after having been working double time doing all the things I can’t do myself. I’m curled under the covers while Tao sits cross-legged next to me scolding me for whatever reason. “You’ve changed.”

“I know.”

“Are you okay at least?”

“I don’t think so.”

He huffs. “Well I think that we should go walk around and get you from fresh air. You’re becoming a literal sloth and you need to remind your body that it can move and function on its own. Not to mention you smell like ass.”

“My body knows it can move.”

“Sehun has literally been carrying you back and forth to the bathroom because you don’t want to walk. And he _does_ it because he’s fucking whipped and you’re like,” his fingers wiggle around “like this!”

Whatever. I’m not forcing him to do anything that he isn’t fine with doing. And I can’t help the fact that I’m so tired and that I don’t want to move. I haven’t needed to. I deserve a break. My body deserves a break. A bit of pampering. I should be able to be fucking lazy and treat my fucking self. What’s wrong with that? Tao’s foot nudges my shoulder.

I close my eyes and tune him out entirely.

 


	51. 49. The Signs

“Physically…you’re perfectly fine.”

“See? I’m fine. You heard it from Yixing yourselves. Can I be left alone now?” I cross my arms over my chest and give Tao and Sehun a straight face that I hope conveys how _over_ all of their unnecessary worrying I am.

Sehun gives Yixing a frown and the older shrugs noncommittally. If Yixing says that there isn’t anything wrong with me, then there’s nothing wrong with me. That’s that.

“I need to talk to her in private for moment. Could you two leave for a bit?”

“Why?”

“Unless you want to sit here and listen to boring blood pressure and health statistics then you might want to leave.” At that Tao immediately stands up and walks out of Yixing’s room. My mouth twitches at his hasty retreat after being the jackass to ask the question in the first place. Sehun’s exit is less abrupt. He stalls in the doorway before Tao physically pulls him out of the room.

Yixing’s soft smile drops as soon as they’re gone.

What the hell?

“I know about the binge eating,” he says with a hint of parental scolding in his voice. I feel the blood drain from my face at having been caught. How did he even find out about it? My stomach drops at the sudden shame at having Yixing of all people calling me out about it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking ab-”

“Your body is showing very _obvious_ signs of an eating disorder. There’s slight acidic damage to the inside of your mouth. Meaning, you’ve been vomiting profusely. Even if the signs weren’t visible in your mouth I know that you’ve been severely exhausted and you haven’t been sleeping well. Both Junmyeon and Minseok told me they had their suspicions, but they didn’t want to jump to conclusions,” he explains. They knew? I avoid his eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell Sehun and Tao while they were in here?”

He takes a seat beside me and places a hand on my shoulder. A numbing sadness washes over me like cold water. “I figured this was something that you’d want to keep private. And, no one ever really listens to advice when they’re basically in an intervention. I just want to warn you that no matter what you think this is doing to help you, it’s doing far more damage to your psyche and body than it is good.”

“I don’t do it anymore,” I admit. I know that he probably won’t believe me, but I want to at least have the truth out there. “I did…a lot. I won’t lie about that. But I don’t do it like that anymore. I know it’s bad, and I’m trying to stop. I swear.”

He gives a look that’s filled with concern and uneasiness. “You’re really not looking too good, you know? Mentally I mean. I’m not great at picking up mental illnesses but…you need to take it easy June. Before you go off the deep end. I don’t know if it’s stress or what, but you need to recuperate. I’m worried about how your mind is handling everything going on around you right now.”

“I’m okay. I’ll take it easy though. Thanks Yixing.” He smiles and squeezes my shoulder supportively. Feeling thoroughly shamed and guilt filled, I flee from the room.

Go off the deep end huh? Pfft, I’m not going to go off the “deep end”. I’m perfectly fine. A few…emotional slips have happened yeah, but 8 times out of 10 I’m as well as ever.

“There you are!” Jongdae slides in front of me with a light smile on his face. I narrow my eyes at the pleased expression on his face. He’s never like…happy to see me. “I need to talk to you.”

Ah there it is.

“Um, okay?” I glance around for Sehun and Tao who I expected to be waiting outside of the door for me. Why weren’t they waiting for me? I turn my attention back to Jongdae after pushing away the unhappiness of _actually_ being abandoned by the two clingiest people I know.

“You’re basically the Queen now right?”

“Not exactl-”

“Now that you’re basically in charge, can you release Baek and I? Let us go.”

I snort. Just let them go? That’s not how this works. “I can’t do that,” I say slowly. His face begins to drop. “It isn’t my job yet. I have no say in how anything works, and I can’t just release you from under someone else. Especially not-”

“What _can_ you do?”

“Nothing,” I deadpan. “I’m literally just in line for the crown. I’m learning about how everything works. I’m only just get a hold of what I will have to do, but my position is still no different.”

His eyebrows furrow and I watch as anger takes over his expression. I hold my position and don’t back away. “You’ve done _nothing_ for us since you got here.”

I’ve done nothing? Who the hell does he think he is? He doesn’t know how fucking much I _have_ done for his ungrateful ass and everyone else in this fucking place. “I’m sorry I’ve been kind of busy _staying alive_. Why don’t you fuck right off and stop telling me how to do my job? If you want something done, why don’t you go and do something yourself? Oh wait, you can’t because Moonbyul will fucking rip your heart out-” arms go around my shoulders as I’m yanked back right as a small bolt of lightning flies by my head.

Tao stands behind Jongdae with both his hands up keeping him immobile in his place. I crane my neck to see that Sehun is the one who managed to pull me out of the line of fire. A small scorched patch decorates the wall behind us.

Tao sighs loudly, “Maybe you shouldn’t provoke people while no one else is around to save you from assassination attempts…just a thought.”

* * *

 

Jongdae’s words rub me the wrong way for a solid amount of time, and I make a point of proving him wrong.

I ask for more stuff.

More information about the Kingdom. More access to only the things that she gets to see. More things in my room that will help me get acclimated to my new duties. With the news being out in the open, I’m constantly being put in motion. Being dragged from place to place to meet people, to see things, to weigh in on conversations.

Interviews. Photoshoots. Everything under the sun really.

On a day coming back from one of the interviews, I ask Solar for Jongin.

“I want him as my personal Charmer. I want him to be only under me and not as the castle’s,” I told her in the plane on the way back. She didn’t seem surprised. Not in the least bit, and it threw me off a bit.

“Of course. He’s all yours.”

“Really? Just like that?”

“Mhm. I’ve been actually waiting to see when you’d ask. It took you a lot longer than I expected. You surprised me by waiting this long,” she said simply. With nothing more than a wink in my direction, she went back to reading the book I had pulled her attention away from.

I sit back in the soft plane seat with a pout.

Maybe it easier to ask for them than I thought.

Days pass by in a blur. Car rides. Plane rides. Fucking _boat_ rides. To and fro. Here and there. I see more of the world than I ever thought I would, but it’s…unsatisfying,

Let me explain myself.

We’ve been all over the world, but it feels like we haven’t gone anywhere different. No matter where we travel, the scenery is the same. The people are the same. The unrest and problems and anger is the same. I knew that our world was homogenous, and yet each city that we visit that looks like a smaller version of the capital still confuses me.

A governor shows us around his city and I hear the curses to Solar. The praises. The words of disgust. Encouragement. It’s eerie how similar it all is no matter the location.

A crowd gathers around us during the walk, and it buzzes with negative energy. Solar motions to a guard to bring the car to us so that we can leave. The people around us are mainly Gaia, but most of them seem fairly unhappy with our presence here.

“Go back to the Capital bitch!”

The crowd tightens around us and we get jostled in its midst. Fear creeps up my spine as the yelling raises in volume and our guards tighten their formation around us. A shield is put up to prevent any magical attacks on any of us, but I don’t think they planned for physical ones.

A bottle flies through the air and soars through the magical shield with no problems. The entire thing happens in slow motion really. The glass bottle falling towards me and then colliding with my jaw and neck.

The pain is immediate. Blood pools in my mouth and the very thought of swallowing it makes my body tremble in disgust and anguish. The burning sensation slowly spreads from my neck out to the rest of my body. The blood drips from my lips like ruby watercolor paint.

“Get her to the car!”

“Control the crowd!”

The world around me blurs and I bring a hand up to touch or even stop the bleeding area, but the feeling of glass touching my fingertips before torn skin is enough for me to drop my weakening limbs. There’s glass still in my neck. Amanda stands in front of me with panic written across her face. I blink owlishly at her and wobble on my feet.

I drop to my knees, but someone quickly picks me up and carries me off to the car. I catch Amanda’s eyes again, and she puts me to sleep. The pain fades away with my surroundings.

* * *

 

_“The bottle was laced with poison.”_

_“It barely missed her jugular.”_

_“It’s time.”_

_“She isn’t ready.”_

_“She’ll never be ready. It is still **time**.”_

I wake up not surprised to be lying on a bed in the infirmary. I _am_ a bit taken back at Yixing hovering over me with his hands above my neck.

He blinks twice before smiling to himself and focusing back on his hands. “Morning.”

“I’m alive…”

“Luckily. It didn’t do much damage since you were brought here fast enough for me to start healing you. The bottle missed any crucial nerves, and although it was laced with p-”

“Poison,” I add softly.

“Yeah…poison,” he repeats hesitantly. Yixing clears his throat. “Although it was laced, it didn’t get far in your blood stream, and all of your major injuries have been tended to.”

“Thanks Yixing…I’m sorry for always ending up here.” I laugh humorously. “I promised you that I wouldn’t get hurt a while ago didn’t I?”

“No. You said you’d stay out of trouble; you _still_ haven’t done that but you’re cute so I’ll excuse it one last time.” I snort in my throat and the action makes the area start to ache. I let my head loll to the side with a frown. Why does this keep happening to me? “You need to be more attentive. This isn’t going to be the only time that this happens to you,” Yixing says gently. His hand smooths over the bandage on the side of my neck and cheek. I wiggle my face away to hide a growing blush at the innocent action. 

After clearing his throat, he pulls away. “The Queen wants you to see her when you’re awake.”

“Can I take the bandage off yet?”

“Wait another hour or so and then it should be fully healed. It needs a bit more time for my magic to fully heal the scar.”

I nod and sit up from the soft bed. “I’ll go to her now.” Yixing stuffs his hands into his coat pocket and leans his head in the direction of the door silently.

Leaving the room, I stroke the bandage on my face lightly. I figured I’d have a huge bruise, but I wonder how badly the bottle really fucked up my face. If Yixing wasn’t around I’m sure that the entire left side of my face would be horribly disfigured. It doesn’t hurt, but the bandage itself is itchy and annoying.

Solar’s door is slightly ajar when I arrive. The lights are dim and she stands in the middle of the room with a solemn expression on her face that makes me feel uneasy.

“I wanted to wait to do this,” she says quietly. The tone of her voice is sad, almost regretful. I take a small step back towards the door. “I wanted to wait, but after the incident earlier today I know that you won’t survive long in this world as a human. So, I’m prepared to change you.”

Her words echo off the walls, and sink deep inside of my ears. There’s an urgency and finality to the sentence that’s frightening. “Right now?” I ask hesitantly.

“Yes, right now.” She nods her head and watches for my reaction. I…didn’t think this would happen so soon. Maybe…maybe next year. Maybe when she gets sick and when there was no time for her left. Not so soon. I glance around the room worriedly. I wasn’t prepared for this to happen. Not now. Someday, but _definitely_ not today. “There’s no reason to be scared. It won’t be long nor will much change about you. You’ll age at a slower pace. You’ll pick up a power, but you’ll also be able to more easily defend yourself.”

“I’ll…just pick up a power?”

“Yes. The ability to control magic lies within all living beings. It’s locked within humans, but I’m able to pull that magic at rest to the surface.”

“So you can’t do the opposite, you can’t take them away?” stalling. I know that I’m stalling.

“I’m not sure. I haven’t tried to do it, but it may very well be possible,” she answers. Her eyes stay on me and she looks like she’s afraid I may bolt out of the room. I’m tempted really, but I’m more afraid to run away than I am to ask questions and slow the process down. I may never be human again. After all of… _this_ is over I’ll never be able to be me again. I’ll always be a Gaia.

For the rest of my life.

“It’s okay to be nervous, but it’s best to get this done while we still have time. You’ll be unable to move for around a day. You’ll have to rest for a good amount of time so that your body takes the change fully.”

“I…can we wait?” I want to vomit. “I want one more day to be human…one more day knowing that it’s my last to be human.”

“I understand. We can but this off until tomorrow evening, but I can’t give you any longer than that. I’ll be leaving later tonight, and will be back tomorrow night. Be ready then.” She walks forward and pulls me in to her chest and places a kiss on my head.

I won’t be human after tomorrow…


	52. 50. Save Me

Hours.

Meer hours. That’s all I have left as a human. I won’t be a human after tomorrow.

I’ll really be one of them.

My past. The reason I’m this far in the first place. My whole existence. All of it will just be…gone. Wisped away like a puff of smoke.

How will it feel? What about me will change?

I’ll look 20 years old long after I’m no longer in my twenties. Okay. The stories I’ve heard about vampires were the same way. I’ll be able to _control_ something though. I think that’s what scares me the most. Longer life, the power, neither of those concern me. I’m fine with it. I’m ready to be in charge. I’m doing this for everyone around me. That’s what matters. Everyone around me.

But having my own magic…that’s a different thing entirely.

I’ll be a Gaia. I’ll be able to go the exact things that I feared (and still kind of fear) for so long. The things that _ruined_ my life, time and time again. The fire Charmer. Momma. The torture.

The nightmare I had comes back into my mind as clear as if it was one of my very own memories. Or maybe it’s a vision of the future.

The darkness of my room looms threateningly around me. The moon is hidden behind heavy clouds and yet the shadows of the room feel even more active than they ever have. Circling around me like vultures waiting to suck away the part of me that I’ve held so close and took for granted all my life.

What if my power ends up being like the one in my nightmare? What if I can control blood and end up killing everyone around me? What if I end up with Chanyeol’s ability to control fire? What if I can’t control it? The ‘what ifs’ line up in my mind and take turns jumping down my throat like bombs ready to explode. Waiting for that final catalyst to set them off.

The shaking doesn’t start long after.

I had known that this would happen. Solar told me. She told me that I would be turned. I heard her, didn’t I? Why didn’t it feel this way then? Maybe it’s because it’s so close to happening. Closer than I ever thought it would actually be. I thought that I would have a year at the very least. 5 at the most.

Not a day.

I can’t even get myself to fully believe this. I can’t…accept it. The fact that I’m going to have to just…let go of my humanity is weird. It’s fucking _weird_ and twisted and how would I have ever been able to explain this to my parents?

What would they think? Would they be okay with this? Would they have still loved me even after I’d chosen this route in life? To be here. To be Queen. To not be human. After all the bad things that I’ve done up until this point. All the things I did to get to this very point. Would they still be fine with their only daughter turning in to one of the very monsters they read to her in books?

_Crazy._

_Mad._

_She’s going mad._

_It’s only a matter of time._

_No way to stop it._

_It’s happening again._

_What’s wrong with her_?

 The voices swarm my thoughts and fill them like a pool full of fat and hungry sharks. It’s only a matter of time before they learn that they have the ability to breathe outside of the water.

The faceless voices claw at the silence around me and agitate the darkness. The shadows move in closer, faster, angrier. Ready to swallow me into the dark abyss and toss away the rest of my sanity, my control, my humanity. Ready to consume me in total darkness.

A black hand reaches out of the shadows for me to take. _Alone_. It knows that I’m all alone. What have I got to leave behind? No money. No legacy. No things. The closer I reach towards it, the farther away from my body I feel. Inch by inch my soul is pulled away leaving behind nothing but a puppeted corpse for this world to use.

The door of my room flies open. Startled, my hand drops and I look away from the hand that is no longer there to Sehun, Jongin, and Tao in my doorway.

The lights in the room flicker to life, and I squint against the harsh change in lighting. The three Charmers (Jesus fuck Tao is a Charmer) march towards me with mixed reactions.

Tao exhales in relief and bends over his knees supporting himself with his arms as if he’s just run half a mile. “Thank the Gods. I thought something was _happening_ to you.”

Not even a second later Jongin vanishes from his spot with the other 2 only to reappear right beside my bed. His hands are warm when they settle themselves on my cheeks and wipes away tear tracks that I don’t remember making. Eyes shaking and worried, he whispers tenderly, “What’s wrong?”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it was his words, maybe it’s the feeling of his hands and the broken look on his face. It might even just be the fact that they’re just here after I was slipping away from reality. Whatever the reason, my throat closes up and I sob hard while yanking him towards me. Thank god he understands ugly crying girls because he doesn’t need to be told what to do next. Arms go around my back and his hand rubs up and down soothingly.

He doesn’t say a word. Just allowing me to cry into his shoulder like a huge fucking mess. Tao and Sehun amble over after the initial shock of my erratic crying and sit on the bed around us. They’re quiet, but I can feel the dread and confusion that they’re feeling as if it was my own.

Why does it feel so real?

“What’s wrong?” Sehun asks the question again. Hoping to get an answer out of me instead of violent tears like Jongin got. What’s wrong with me? Lot of things. I suck up my crying long enough to push away from the tear soaked shoulder of Jongin’s and take in each of their faces.

I start to tear up again at their heavy silence and fearful anticipation. “I’m…” the words lodge in my throat and threaten to choke me if I dare to say them aloud. If I dare make them real by letting others hear them. “I’m…” I try again but the sound dies on my tongue. Fuck, why can’t I say them.

“You’re…” Tao urges me to finish and I can do nothing but give him a pitiful frown and shake my head. I can’t say it. If I say it, it will be too real.

“We can’t help if you don’t tell us what happened,” Sehun tries. “We can’t read your mind.” Jongin glances over at Tao and the two quickly look away from one another. Fucking weirdos.

“I…it…human…”

“Yes, you are a human. Glad you remember,” Tao says patronizingly.

I scowl at him. “Not after tomorrow I’m not, you fucking jackass!” as soon as the words escape I slap my hands to cover my mouth. I can’t believe I said it. I can’t believe that it actually came out I thought it would never leave my throat.

“What? Really?” Tao asks. “So soon?” his tone softens and he looks genuinely sad about the turn of events. If I wasn’t on the edge of tears again I’d even say that he looked apologetic for his previous words.

“Are you not happy? I thought you wanted this.”

“I thought…I don’t know. I don’t know what I am Sehun. I’m- I’m sad. I’m nervous. I…decided for myself that I would do this, but I didn’t think that I would lose my humanity with it at the start of all of this. I’ve already been slowly losing my mind, and this was the only thing I had left. I have no family. I have no home, no money, nothing to my name. I don’t even _have_ a name.

“The fact that I’m human is the only thing that I’ve had going for me for years, and now that’s going to be taken too. I’m fucking weak, I can’t defend myself on my own, I’m literally a walking target and it’s overwhelming to be so vulnerable _all the time_.” Ah yes, finally an explanation for what I’m feeling. Who would have thought that saying it aloud would help me figure out the reason for the breakdown?

“You have us,” Jongin offers quietly. Sehun and Jongin nod along. “And…you’ll still be _you_. Just slightly different.”

“I don’t even feel any different outside of when I actually use my power. And even then, it’s just a tingling feeling,” Tao adds.

“That’s exactly _it_ though. I’ve been afraid of magic all my life, and you know that. Now I’m suddenly going to be able to use it? It’s fucked. I can’t be the only open who thinks it’s totally fucked and ironic. There’s no way for me to avoid it either. I have to this and that…it all just…”

“Hey, maybe you should stop freaking out for just a little while. Push away you fear for just a little bit and maybe _enjoy_ you last hours as a human. I don’t know what’s so different about being a human, but you do. So, stop freaking out and have fun. For yourself. That way you can at least have something to remember before it happens,” Sehun says softly. He doesn’t sound entirely confident in his words, but the meaning is there. And I agree with him.

I should enjoy my last hours. I know for a fact that after their gone I’ll regret not having used them wisely. The countdown has already begun and it’s up to me to decide how I will remember them.

* * *

 

All three of them stay with me that night. Sehun on my left, fingers twined with mine between our head. Jongin on my right, thigh tossed over my leg and hooked under it. Tao lies next to Sehun but somehow his long ass arm is slung across Sehun and limply on top of my face.

When I wake up fully, Tao is already gone.

The sun shines brightly through the glass of the windows and the sounds of birds chirping outside make the impending day feel less scary. I don’t feel like I’m about to die.

So that’s good.

Maybe today will actually be a good day.

A sticky note falls from my forehead when I untangle myself from the boys and sit up in bed. _Come to the garden._

A task? Sounds sketchy as fuck, but if it’ll give me something to do today then I’m totally down. I hadn’t actually planned anything out for today before falling asleep. Throwing on comfy clothes to wander around in and freshening up for the day, I head to the garden.

The sun is warm on my skin and the wind blows gently bringing with it the smell of early spring. I don’t even see anyone outside until I end up by the fountain that I was _attacked_ by. Alright, not really an attack but it was still bullying.

“Baekhyun?” said boy stands up from a blanket set up on the ground. He juts his bottom lip out and avoids my skeptical look.

“Did you leave that note?”

“No! I mean…no,” he clears his throat and finally looks at my face. He only looks slightly annoyed maybe even a tad bit embarrassed as opposed to the normal utter abhorrence he shows.

I tilt my head. “You...why are you out here?”

“I…uh…I heard that you aren’t going to be human after tonight…and that kind of sucks so,” he looks down at his feet and shrugs. I feel flattered really. Heat creeps up my neck and I cough awkwardly. “Kyungsoo planned it…I’m just here, so don’t have any weird thoughts.”

“Kyungsoo planned it? Where is he?”

“Food,” he explains, pointing behind me.

“You made it!” I spin on my heel and see Kyungsoo walking over with a tray of food in his arms.

“Did you leave that note?”

“Yes and no. I wrote it, but Tao left it,” he says with that smile that makes his cheeks shine and the entire world brighten. I feel a weird tug in the pit of my stomach. Kyungsoo places the tray on the blanket next to Baekhyun and walks over engulfing me in a hug.

I squeak, taken off guard, and don’t even get the chance to return the gesture because he pulls away. He looks entirely unaffected by the action and kind of fucking smug and I’m gaping at him like a god damned nerd in shock. “Uh, so what is all of this?” I ask whole motioning to the food and blanket.

“A picnic. Come on, sit.” He holds his hand out palm up for me to take. Has Kyungsoo always been…so smooth?

The three of us sit around the plate of food and just…talk. Kyungsoo explains that Baekhyun always comes to talk to him about his problems. Somehow they share the same concerns. Baekhyun all but tackles him to keep him from exposing any of his secrets.

It’s strange seeing the two of them together. Baekhyun is more relaxed around Kyungsoo. Having fun even. He teases him, and makes jokes, and isn’t shitty to be around for once. It’s like being around Kyungsoo makes him more playful and mischievous and he actually _laughs_.

I swear on my life hearing him laugh and seeing him actually _smile_ is like some kind of wonder of the world. It’s like the sun is beaming out of his ass when he does I was actually breathless for a good amount of time. I -can’t believe I’m saying this- actually like being around him like this.

I’ve got to say this has been a good start to my final day…


	53. 51. Goodbye

“Your idea of…using my like final hours, like this at least, wisely…is to cuddle. Really Jongin?” he hums and tosses his leg over my waist and snuggles closer. Why is he like a large puppy? Giving in to him I run my fingers through his growing hair. “Alright, I’ll give it to you. This is pretty nice.”

“Told you,” he sing-songs.

“Do you remember when I caught you staring at me while I slept?”

“Are you _ever_ going to let the at go?”

“Nope.”

“I’m sorry okay! I thought you were scary, and I just wanted to make sure, and I don’t know you looked cute while you were asleep-”

“Scary as in a fucking monster. I can’t believe you thought that I would turn into a monster. How long were you even in there?” He goes silent. I crane my neck to look at him, and stop running my fingers through his locks. “Jongin?”

“Uhm…2 hours? Maybe?”

“What the hell!”

“I’m sorry!” he laughs. I tug lightly at his hair just to hear him whine. “Did you know that that was the first time you smiled at me?”

“Was it?”

“Mhm. After I ran away from you and you came over to me…you smiled at me for the first time. You smiled and for the first time I realized that you weren’t totally terrifying-” I smack the top of his head lightly. Thanks Jongin. For insulting me while telling what I thought would be a touching story. “You aren’t scary anymore!” he adds looking up with a smile. He shifts up the bed so that we’re face to face instead of face to chest. “And I’m sure you don’t think I’m scary anymore either. Otherwise you wouldn’t have _eagerly_ decided to fuc-”

I smack my hand over his mouth and he smiles with his eyes. “I’m actually going to tape your fucking mouth shut. You go from cute to…to _sinful_ in 3 seconds.”

“I’m not cute!” He mutters through my hand.

“You said the same thing right before you decided to _watch me_ _masturba_ -” quick as fuck he pulls my hand away and yells over me.

“That wasn’t right before! Stop you’re embarrassing me!”

“You didn’t think it was embarrassing when you splooshed all on my sheets.”

“Splooshed?” his eyebrow ticks up mischievously.

I nod slightly. “Yes, splooshed.” I ball my hand into a fist and then play my finger like an explosion to demonstrate. “ _Sploosh_.”

With a groan and my neck to hide in, Jongin doesn’t laugh at what I said. Which, I don’t get because it was funny as hell and he should appreciate my humor. Junmyeon would have laughed with me.

I’m not able to spend too much time with Jongin before I’m whisked away to the next guy…or group of guys I should say. It’s as if they’ve all discussed this beforehand and figured out some sort of system of trading me around to keep me busy. I only guess this, because Jongin is the one to lead me to the next place.

He would never stop in the middle of cuddling willingly. Not unless it’s something important.

So, when he pulled away and guided me to the basketball gym on his own I was surprised to say the least.

Chanyeol, Tao, and Yixing are there with smiles on their faces and athletic clothes on their bodies. I look down at my t-shirt and jeans curiously. With a smile, Jongin vanishes.

“Worry not, we have a change of clothes for you!” Tao announces. Chanyeol bounds over and hands me a folded set of clothes and pushes me to the attached locker room without giving me a chance to say anything or ask any questions. I stand and look down at the stack dumbfounded. The clothes are my own, and it doesn’t take too much thought to determine that one of them raided my closet before this master plan full of distractions came in to order. I just want to know whose idea this was.

I reemerge from the locker room to Chanyeol _pitching_ the ball across the court trying to hit Tao, who seems to be dodging them extremely fast. It’s almost as if he’s teleporting. Oh shit, yeah he can freeze time.

“You’re back!” Yixing jogs over and hands me the basketball that he was holding. Once Chanyeol and Tao get their shit together and join us, Yixing splits us off into teams to play a 2 on 2 game of basketball. Me and Tao, versus him and Chanyeol.

It’s kind of unfair because _I_ know Chanyeol sucks at basketball and even with those long ass limbs of his he lacks the necessary coordination to be of any help with defense, but Yixing doesn’t know that and Tao is too competitive to tell him otherwise, so we end up deciding to play a totally unbalanced game to 20 points.

As expected, Chanyeol isn’t great, but _someone_ seems to have taught him how to cheat because the bastard spends half of the game guard and clinging to me so that I can’t help Tao. And that just basically leaves him and Yixing playing a one on one game by themselves.

Not that I can complain too much…

Because Chanyeol smells good, and has nice arms, and gives really good hugs, so like it’s not like I was missing out on _too_ much by being bear hugged for a majority of the game. I only feel bad because neither Chanyeol nor I are helping the game in any way and I actually thought that I’d come here to sweat (in a…different way).

Near the halfway point, it’s 13 to 12 with Yixing in the lead (he can actually play basketball and can hold his own against Tao who knew????) when I find a way out of Chanyeol’s reach to steal the ball from Yixing.

In the 2 seconds it takes me to get away, Tao goes to block Chanyeol, and Yixing tries to steal the ball back. Face to face, I’m immediately trapped. He’s smiling in that confident but mischievous way that doesn’t show his teeth but his dimple is still popping out devilishly, but if he thinks that I’m going to be distracted by that then he’s wrong.

I’m more competitive than I look.

I look over his left shoulder to see if Tao is free enough to take the ball if I were to pass it to him. He isn’t so I guess I’ll have to fake left and go right.

But he still manages to block me. Damn him and his dancer’s movements.

Well…Chanyeol has been cheating this entire time…so looks like it’s time to play dirty. I try getting around him once again, and when it doesn’t work I fake an injury.

“Ah! Fuck, wait my ankle!” instantly, he backs away and looks down at my foot in concern. Tao is open enough, so I throw him the ball between Yixing’s legs and let him make the shot from closer to the basket.

Duped, Yixing stares at me in disbelief. I almost feel bad for tricking him…

Until he starts laughing.

It’s as if angels have started singing.

* * *

 

20 minutes and 2 awkward collisions later, Tao and I win. Shoved to the locker room _again_ to shower and change, Chanyeol tells me to go to the Charmer hall.

Tiredly, I drag myself up the stairs. What time is it even? It feels like 8pm now.

But it can’t be any later than 4.

“Where am I going!?” I call out to the empty room. They didn’t even give me any instructions. “Hellooooooo-”

A hand slaps over my mouth, “Shush!”

Who the fuck!?

“Don’t shout. Come with me.” _Minseok_? I try to call his name through the hand muffling my voice. “Yes it’s me. Now shush and follow me quietly.” His hand moves to my hand and drags me to his and Jongdae’s room. I blink dumbly at his back as we enter, and then at Jongdae who is sitting cross-legged on the ground surrounded by alcohol.

“What the fuck…”

“We snuck this up from the kitchen,” Minseok explains quietly.

“And we’re going to be fucked if anyone finds out,” Jongdae adds, swishing around the contents in one of the bottles. He looks at the bottle deep in thought.

“But to hell with it!” Minseok chirps with a gummy smile. He takes one of the cans of beer on the ground and cracks it open with a hiss. He holds it out for me while Jongdae opens his own and goes straight to downing it. Minseok nudges the can closer to me with a teasing quirk of his brow.

I exhale my nervousness and take it from his hands. “To hell with it!” I cheer.

The alcohol goes quickly seeing as we have to get rid of it before anyone stumbles in. Whatever it is that they stole, hits the two of them quickly.

Then _did_ drink a shit ton while I was still nursing only my second.

“No! You can’t!”

“I bet I can!”

“I’d love to see you _try_ to sing higher than me.”

“Bet.”

“It’s a bet.”

Cue, 30 minutes of _screaming_. The two of them get loud, concernedly so, when drunk. Minseok, only to top Jongdae, and Jongdae…it just loud as shit in general. It’s surprisingly entertaining to watch.

I almost laugh myself to tears at some of the dumb things that they try to do while absolutely wasted. It’s seriously only 2 hours of them competing to do tasks drunk, and me laughing myself to death on the sideline.

I forget all about my exhaustion and what time it is until Junmyeon comes in the room and looks around half amused, half disturbed at the scene around us. Jongdae passed out half on the ground, half on the floor, and Minseok and I tangled up in the sheets laughing at the spilled liquor on the ground. My mind feels fuzzy and my muscles are heavy enough to make my body feel like a rock. I feel…bubbly.

“Junmyeon!” I shout in glee. These stupid blankets are too tight, and I’m going to squish Minseok if I roll over. “I’m stuck,” I mumble.

Junmyeon snorts. “Come on drunky.” He walks over and peels away the covers around me.

“Nooo. She just got here, we’re having fun,” Minseok protests.

The blankets get removed entirely, and Junmyeon hooks one of my arms around his neck before hoisting me up in his arms.

I feel like throwing up at the jolt of movement. “It’s time for her to go. You and Jongdae already had her for an hour longer than you were supposed to.”

“I’m on a schedule?”

“Mhm. Let’s go, you need to sleep off all this alcohol before later. You’ve only got like 2 hours left in the day,” he says carrying me out of the alcohol saturated room.

“You feel nice.”

“Mm.”

“Strong. Do…do you work out?”

“You’re actually wasted.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Oh my god did they get her drunk?” Sehun’s voice is like a smack in the face, and I feel a bit more willing to fight the sleep that is trying to consume me. “Why didn’t we think of that?”

“Shut up, I wouldn’t even let you propose getting her drunk.”

“Why? It looks like it’s so fun…” his voice gets softer and closer to my ear. When did my eyes close? Fingers run across my cheek and I hum in content. Sleep…I want to sleep. Am I allowed to sleep or should I stay up? They haven’t gotten a chance to hand out with me…that’s sad. That’s so sad.

“Sehun, give her some space. She’s exhausted.”

“But what about our time with her?”

“…I guess we’ll be taking a group nap,” Junmyeon mumbles from above me. The feeling of a bed appears beneath me and I curl in to the covers. Someone blows a raspberry and someone else huffs.

“Fine, but I get to sleep in the middle.”

* * *

 

At some point, I fall deep into sleep without actually realizing it, and when I wake up my head is still sort of swimming. I’m pushed up against the wall with Sehun on my other side and his thigh tossed over my hip lazily. Light snores fall from his lips.

When did I get in here? I could have sworn I was drinking with Minseok and Jongdae before passing out. I shove Sehun’s limbs off of me and peek over his shoulder to find Junmyeon knocked out with his arm handing over the side of the bed.

What…when??

What time is it? Solar has to be back by now…

Fuck…

I sneak out of the bed and leave the room without waking up Sehun or Junmyeon in fear of…I don’t know what. I just didn’t want to have to look at them right before seeing Solar I guess. I don’t want to watch their reactions.

It would be like saying goodbye.

I return to my room to find Tao sitting on my bed boredly. The time shining beside him is 8:12pm.

Definitely time to go.

“Ah!” Tao slides off of the bed and walks over solemnly. “Are you ready?”

No. “Yes.”

He smiles a sad supportive smile and holds his hand out for me to grab. I squeeze it tightly. The walk to Solar’s room is too short, and before we know it we’re standing outside her door. Both of us shaking. I breathe out shakiliy and Tao looks at my face teary eyed. Why is _he_ crying? He’s supposed to be the strong one here!

“Come here,” I whisper pulling him in for a hug. He hugs me tightly and sighs hard.

“No matter what happens, I’m here for you, We can both be freaked out about being turned into magic people together,” he tells me calmly. I nod against his shirt and try to hold in my tears. They’re so ready to fall. “It’ll be a great story to tell our kids when they ask us how they ended up entirely human.”

Kids!? I scoff and pinch his side before pushing him away enough to glare at him. “That’s not funny. Who even said that we’d have kids or even be together?”

“You’re lying to yourself if you think that we _aren’t_ going to be married. Come here, love,” he says pulling me back in for another tight hug. He’s so dumb. I laugh into his shirt. “I’m still here for you though, for real. I love you. Come back safe, okay?”

“Alright…” I answer uncertainly.

He exhales and pushes me away as if to protect himself. He nods once before turning away and walking off, sparing me any teary filled goodbye.

I guess it’s for the best this way.

Gathering the remainder of my energy, courage, and will power…I enter Solar’s room.

Pitch black surrounds me, the only light coming from the center of the room. A light pink glowing from Solar’s hands that illuminated her face and the space around her. Her face is unreadable.

“It’s time for your transformation…”


	54. 52. Greed and Envy

Pain.

That was all I can remember. All I felt. All that surrounded me. Blinding pain that seared my senses. Strangled my lungs. Cut open my still beating heart.

It all happened so quick I wasn’t able to prepare. There probably wouldn’t have been a way to prepare for just _how much_ pain was to come.

It happened in snapshots. The dark room with her glowing pink hands illuminating a small area. Her closing the distance between us. Her palms resting on my forehead and heart. Fingers splaying outward like roots of a tree that was about to plant itself in my body. Pink flashing in her eyes as her expression stayed neutral.

And then the first shock.

Like an electrocution that was meant to cut off my body’s ability to react to anything around me. I fell to the ground and black enclosed around me like deep water. Thoughts wouldn’t come. When I tried to scream for help neither would noises or words. I was paralyzed and floating in infinite darkness.

And then came the second shock.

Like a signal to my heart to resume its beating. A flash of bright pink illuminating the world around me as the pain began to slowly register in my mind, and I realize that I’m alone.

Alone and floating through a space that was wrapping itself around me like a security blanket. Fighting off the little flitting balls of energy in the air around me. I was unable to lend any kind of helping hand. Besides, I didn’t know which of them was on my side.

The blanket? The balls of excited energy? Neither seems threatening. They both seem to want to protect me.

Cords like thick metallic ropes weave through the dark blanket and stretch out only to vanish in the darkness. I count seven, but only six of them are glowing the same bright gold as the floating energy balls. The last doesn’t look as strong, but it’s not hiding that it is there. I reach out to touch the one closest to me.

It hums out a light note that vibrates in my chest and fills me with happiness. What are these things?

A rumble reverberates through the…room? Space? Enclosing? And the blanket begins to get aggravated. Angry almost. The metallic cords vibrate and a harmony of chords ring through the space around me. Like a warming bell. The blanket winds its way up my torso and holds on tightly as a second rumble echoes across the room, closer this time.

The little balls of light swirl around me, letting out little noises of glee as they form a light tunnel that speeds up and blinds me. I close my eyes and wince as the light still filters through my eyelids. The weight around me lessens as it feels like the blanket is being torn away.

I scream. The metallic cords ring out louder. Together it sounds like a singing wounded bear.

My skin feels as though it’s being ripped from my body. Limb by limb. Excruciatingly slow as something skins me alive. I can’t bear to open my eyes.

Pink tendrils of liquid slither through my eyelids and I reopen my eyes in horror. The pink tendrils are expanding and crawling up my naked body like inflating anacondas. They cover the cords and harden around them.

One swirls around my throat, and I lose consciousness.

* * *

 

“Is she awake yet?”

“No.”

“When is she going to wake up?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is she _alive_?!”

“Dude…if you ask me one more question I’m going to punch you in the face.”

“Sorry…but-”

“ _Tao_!”

“Fine I won’t ask _you_ anymore question…Jongin have you talked to Kris?”

“I…haven’t been able to leave the castle. Ever since they put up the extra barriers it’s harder for me to teleport anywhere outside of it.”

“Do you…think he knows what’s going on? What’s happened?”

“He has ways of knowing about everything. I’m sure he found out somehow…and besides…I’m going to be honest, I think that he’s been planning this.”

“ _Kyungsoo_ why would you say that?!”

“You know you all have been thinking it too. No one’s heard from him. Luhan doesn’t ask around because he trusts him, and Tao hasn’t a clue of half the things going on-”

“ _Hey!_ ”

“I think he’s right…”

“What the _fuck_ Chanyeol.”

“I agree with them.”

“Sehun you agree with anything that Chanyeol says.”

“I _don’t_. Fucking fine. I don’t agree with Chanyeol I agree with Kyungsoo then. _Assholes._ ”

“Yah!”

“Shut up Chanyeol.”

* * *

 

The ceiling. That’s the first thing I see when I open my eyes. _My_ ceiling. The one that’s always there for me to stare up at when I’m at a loss for what to do or where I’m going in my life.

The ceiling that has stood above me like some strange kind of guardian angel.

I sit up against the mountain of pillows that have been propped behind me, and look down at my sheet covered body expecting to see something else in its place.

I don’t look any different. Maybe I…dreamed it all?

Well I thought that I did, until I feel the pulsing under my skin. A different pulse from the blood pumping through my veins. Each second that passes makes the pulsing stronger, and I feel alive. Like…extremely alive. It’s freaky, but kind of invigorating.

Everything feels a bit more enhanced.

I hold out my arms to take a closer look at them both and see a bit more definition in my muscles than I had before.

This feels good… _really_ good.

I toss the blankets away and stretch out my muscles. How long was I out? It feels like I haven’t moved in days. And where is everyone? I purse my lips and look around my room. Does not one fucking care about me anymore? Why wasn’t anyone fucking here to check on me? No one cares about me. I grunt in frustration. No one’s here, but…I feel like I can pinpoint where they are.

Like I some sort of a GPS. Strange. And it’s not like I can feel where _everyone_ is. Just…a few of the Charmers.

I jog around my bed and I can feel the magic swirling around in my veins. I feel…powerful and strong. And kind of tight actually. Like every atom in my body is clenching.

“You’re awake?” Yixing voice breaks through the quiet of my room, I turn around startled.

“Yixing!”

He smiles. “That’s my name. Glad you still have your memory.” He pauses in his steps and squints at me. “You _do_ still have your memory, right?”

“I uh…think so. I don’t feel like anything has gone missing in my mind,” I tell him honestly. He relaxes at that and motions me towards my bed. I crawl across it to the side closest to him while he sits at a chair that’s set at the head of the bed.

I finally take notice of the tablet in his hand as he scrolls through it. “You’ve been in a coma for 2 days now. Your vitals are fine, and it seems as though your body accepted the change perfectly well,” he rattles off professionally.

I choke on my spit. “It could have _rejected_ it?!”

“Yes, but that’s no longer a concern,” he says nonchalantly. My mouth drops open. I could have _died_ and no one cared to tell me?! “How are you feeling right now. On a scale of…shitty to amazing,” he continues on.

I cross my arms over my chest and tilt my head from side to side. I could have died. I’m magical now. I feel energetic. “I feel…amazing. Like…beyond amazing. I don’t know…I don’t feel different, but I feel _so_ different at the same time.” I lean towards him and almost fall off the bed. “Do you know when I’ll find out what my power is?” I ask after regaining my balance.

Yixing shakes his head sits the tablet in his lap. “I’m going to be honest. I have no idea. This is my first time _ever_ dealing with something like this…okay the second time. Your friend Tao was the first, but he just kind of…figured most of it out on his own,” he admits. I frown. “You’ll figure it out though. It’ll show at some point.” He pats the top of my head in the middle of my annoyed huffing.

I want to know what power I have. The suspense is going to kill me.

Hell, the _power_ might fucking kill me if I don’t learn what it is before I accidently use it.

“Take it easy for the next few days…your mental state with the extreme change you just went through may be a bit…more fragile than normal,” he advises with a meaningful look.

Yeah of course. Fragile. As if my mental state has been strong and stable before now. I assure him that I won’t do anything crazy. And I wont, but I have some things I need to do first.

* * *

 

“You want…Kibum too?”

“Yes.”

“You just asked for Jongdae and Baekhyun a few days ago. You do realize they are Moonbyul’s Charmers right?”

I pout at her words. “She doesn’t even _use_ them. She doesn’t deserve them. They have so much potential and shouldn’t _I_ have them since I’m going to be Queen?”

Solar sighs and looks at the off to the side. “You…are right,” she murmurs softly. She glances down at her fingers and nods to herself. “You’re right. I will let her know to release them to you.”

“Thank you so much Solar!” I jump at her to squeeze her in a hug. She wheezes in surprise before laughing.

I smirk to myself on the way to the Charmer hall. Ha. Now Jongdae can’t say I haven’t helped him. I helped him _and_ Baekhyun _and_ Kibum…who I haven’t even talked to. They’re mine now. Part of my growing army of Charmers it seems. How many of them do I own now?

I don’t even know anymore. But I know that I deserve it. I’m the only one who knows how to treat them right. Pats on the shoulder for me. I’m awesome at this whole…secret agent rescuer Queen in training thing.

“You _bitch_!” I yelp as my hair is yanked so hard that I’m almost given whiplash. I yell out again at the force and attempt to turn around and face my assaulter. “How _dare_ you take my Charmers!” Moonbyul yanks on my hair again and I whimper. She pulls my hard and I fall on the ground clutching my scalp in pain. She scowls and tosses away the chunk of hair that she managed to rip away.

Leaning over me she bars her forearm against my throat. “You’ve taken _everything_ from me. Solar. The crown. My Charmers. But you can’t have Kibum. You’ll pay for even _trying_ to steal him away from me,” she spits enraged. I wince as drops of her spit land on my face. “I’ve been playing nice because Solar likes you. I’ve even stayed out of your way in order to tolerate you, but you’ve over stepped your boundaries _kid_. Do you think just because you are a Gaia now, you can do whatever you want? Huh?” she smacks my cheek mockingly with a scoff. “You think just because they say you’ll be Queen that you’ll actually _live_ long enough to get there? No matter what you are, who you know, you are still a worthless _human._ You’re no better than the slaves in the dungeon.

“You’re worthless and I will enjoy every _second_ watching your world fall apart. I will _end_ you and everything that you love. Just watch. You’ll see as everything around you collapses to ruins,” she grimaces. “This is the last time I’m going to warn you. You’re fucking _dead_ next time.” She pulls away, dusts off her pants, and walks back down the hallway as if she didn’t just _attack_ me in the middle of the day.

I choke out a cough and breathe in greedily as she retreats. “She’s fucking insane,” I scoff to myself. Who the fuck does she think she is? Does she go around threatening around everyone like this? I didn’t even think that it was that big of a deal. She can keep her lousy fucking human. I’m going to be Queen, as if I care about what she says or does. I do not give a _single_ fuck.

I cough and push myself onto my elbows. She must be batshit crazy. Threatening me? What a joke.

A hand juts out in my line of vision. “Are you okay,” I blink slowly and follow the arm to Baekhyun’s face. He juts hi hand out further, and I think that he wants me to take it? I glance around us because this is a joke right? “You gonna take my hand or what,”

“Still asking questions like they’re statements, huh?” I mutter under my breath before taking his hand in mine and pulling myself up. He offers something like a small smile, and wow what’s up with him all of a sudden? “Thanks…”

“No..uhm thank _you_. I…saw what happened…and we heard about what you did. You know…taking us in and all of that. So yeah...” his bottom lip juts out as he looks at the ground between our feet.

“You’re welcome,” I reply. He nods without looking up from the ground. “Baekhyun…do you want to…maybe let go of my hand?” I ask staring down at our conjoined hands. He yanks away fast as lightning and when I take another look at his face his cheeks are _enflamed_.

I snort at his reaction as he stumbles over his words and covers his mouth and face with his hands. “I didn’t- this wasn’t- look I’m- _yah stop laughing at me_!”


	55. 53. Zenith

“Now take off his shirt.”

“I- June I don’t feel comfortable-”

“What did I say? _Take off his shirt_.”

Shaky hands reach out to clumsily pull of the article of clothing on the other. Nervousness. Unease. Dread. The silence in the room is deafening.

But they keep going.

The two half naked Charmers sit on my bed quivering with anxiety, but don’t dare voice their emotions. “Now take the pills…and _kiss_.” I sit forward in my seat and watch eagerly for the following actions. Like a movie scene playing out in real life right before my eyes.

The paper cup sits between the two of them as they stare at it. Neither of them makes a move towards swallowing one of the pills.

Jongin is the first to tear his eyes away from it. His eyes hold a sadness so deep that it threatens to send a pang at my heart.

But it doesn’t.

I cock my head to the side in challenge. Daring him to refuse to take the medicine. Sehun glances at the two of us locked in a stare down before swiping one of the lavender pills from the cup and sitting it in his hand. The three of us stare at it.”

“What…does it do?” he whispers. Jongin sighs hard and picks up the other.

“An aphrodisiac. A really…strong one,” he drifts off at the end of his sentence. It sounds like he chokes up. The younger’s eyes widen as he looks back at me. I perch my head on my hand and watch the two of them, bored, while they delay the inevitable.

I’m going to watch someone fuck today whether it’s them or not. They should know the drill by now. Isn’t this normal? Don’t Charmers usually do stuff like this for the Gaia? Why is it so fucking strange that I want to see it?

I’ve asked nearly all of them to show me the things they’ve gone for the Gaia. To demonstrate the kinds of things that come with being a Charmer that services women in the bedroom. It’s been days since I first asked. But they’re getting more and more hesitant to do anything, and it’s really starting to get on my fucking nerves.

How am I going to understand anything about this gig if I don’t even know anything that they do? If they need to take the fucking boner pills the Gaia give them to get them in enough of a mood to drop this scared act, then so be it.

Jongin and Sehun continue to statically stare at the small things in their palms. I huff and roll my eyes. “Fine. Since you guys _hate_ me and would rather I not understand any fucking thing that you guys have had to do, I’ll go find someone else to show me. Toss the pills out and get out of my room,” I command them, making a move towards the door to find 2 of the less hesitant Charmers from the hall.

“Wait!” Sehun’s voice bounces off the walls in alarm. I freeze in my tracks only to look over my shoulder disinterested. He sits up on his knees, face scarlet (in embarrassment or panic who knows), and tosses the pill down his throat. His eyes nearly immediately glaze over, shifting from watery to dilated in an instant. “Don’t leave. We’ll do it.” His voice is steady now. Lower in his throat than before with a confidence he lacked in the moments prior.

I spin on my heel and cross my arms over my chest.

So, they’ve decided to get on with it?

Jongin’s eyebrows are furrowed in disappointment. A pout prominent on his lips right before he swallows his own wordlessly.

No further urging is needed as the pills take effect. Clouding their judgement only bringing the thought of arousal to their minds and the need to find release. Hands roughly run across skin as they rip each other’s clothes off.

I find my seat once more and watch in excitement.

* * *

 

_“…up all night!”_

_“I can’t even look at him…”_

_“She made us…”_

_“It’s almost complete.”_

_“She’s going to reach wrath next…”_

_“She already fucking **has**!”_

_“…one of us…going to die…”_

the voice wake me in the middle of the night forcing a gust of air to rush in my lungs when I open my eyes. Darkness surrounds me. I clutch the blanket at my chin and sit up to look around for the source of the voices. The same ones from every time I hear them. They’re starting to get louder. More frequent. More aggressive. They sound afraid of me.

I place my hand against my chest and claw at the space where my heart is thudding erratically. I swallow and glance at my side to find Tao still deep in sleep curled up with a pillow.

He wasn’t one of the voices…was he?

_“…talk to her…someone need to talk to her…”_

_“…only a matter of time…”_

_“Dead… **dead…**_ **dying** _...”_

My hands slap against my ears to block out the words while my eyes close on their own.

_Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop._

Silence comes abruptly. Hesitantly, I open my eyes to see the familiar sight of my room encased in darkness. I lower my hands and look around the room fearfully. The voices may come back when they think that I’ve let my guard down.

I can’t let them think I’ve let my guard down.

I won’t let my guard down.

The thought of sleep is long gone. The only thought I have is to stay awake.

Don’t let your guard down.

I set my eyes on my darkened door and stare at in in anger. If the voices come to life and come through the door. I’ll be ready.

My guard won’t be down.

I’ll be ready.

The sun comes up and I blink rapidly. Tears spring to my eyes. Did I blink at all last night? How long have I been awake?

I toss the covers off my body and cross the room to the door as soon as enough light has filtered in the room. Maybe I can find the voices. If I find them they’ll leave me alone. If I let them know that I can hear them then they’ll _leave me alone_.

The castle is shrouded in silence as my lone footsteps sound down the hallways at the early hour. As expected no one else is awake. Determined, I pad around the halls keeping careful watch for any movement or sounds out of the ordinary.

I won’t let the voices win. They can’t take over my mind. It’s mine.

My head is _mine_.

My feet take me to the darkened hallway that leads to the dungeon.

There. They have to be hiding down there.

My hand reaches out before I can second guess my decision to pull open the thick door. The smell of copper and mildew invade my nose. The torches flare energetically at the gust of fresh oxygen. Muted sounds of crying, groaning, and metal scraping against concrete ring up the stairwell like a solemn symphony.

Bare feet lead the way down the cold and wet concrete stairs. Calm heart beats in time with steps. Eyes blink owlishly as they adjust to the lighting.

Lungs tighten as the smell of rotting flesh, vomit, and feces assault the senses.

Soul is pulled further into darkness.

The final stair comes in to view and the sharp corner waits. What’s beyond it, I can’t even try to imagine. My thoughts run wildly at the ideas of what may be happening around the corner, but my feet refuse to move any further.

They fear the future, but the hesitate to return to the past.

One step is all it will take. One step to solidify my choice to go forward. Hands clench. Eyes water. Chest rises only to fall.

My decision is made.

My foot raises of the ground, ready to take its step forward…step down…step deeper…only to have my entire body jerked up 2 stairs. I topple back and reach out to stop the fall, scratching the skin off my palms in the process.

“What the fuck-” I start only to glare in the wavering light given off by the torches. Jongin is holding his hands out in a ‘stop’ motion. His chest is heaving, his eyes dripping tears easily. He shakes his head fast. Fearfully. Hysterically.

“Don’t. Don’t go down there,” he begs. His hair is disheveled and his clothes show that he probably ran here straight from his bedroom. Did he run here? Why did he run when he can- wait how did he even know I was down here? I glance behind him to the closed door. I didn’t hear it open.

Is he even real?

“What are you doing here?”

“Listen to me, don’t…you can’t go down there. You _can’t_. _Please_ don’t,” his voice cracks and he stumbles forward.

 _You can’t_.

I frown and scoff. “I _can’t_? Why _can’t_ I Jongin? Everyone treats me like I _can’t_ do anything. I _don’t_ have control over anything and to have _you_ tell me I can’t do something…” I laugh humorously and take a step back down the staircase away from him. “…I thought you were on my side? Aren’t you supposed to be on _my_ side?” I ask pitifully.

“I-I _am_ on your side it’s-”

I take another step backwards and shake my head distractedly. “All of you are in on it. The voices. The kidnapping. This is some huge game, isn’t it? You all…you’re trying to make me crazy, aren’t you? The feelings the thoughts they aren’t mine. Sometimes they sound like you. You’re in on it aren’t you!? I think I’m taking a step forward but it’s a circle. I’m in a circle, aren’t I?” I swallow painfully and look around the narrow staircase manically. “I try to be human and it doesn’t work. I try to be a Gaia and it doesn’t work. What do I have to do to make it stop? What do I have to become before anyone treats me like a person? Before I have control of my own life again. Before I stop feeling like I’m spiraling further and further into some kind of fucked dream imitation of my life!?”

The step to the ground is shaky and I almost fall on my ass. From the bottom of the stairs everything is shrouded in shadow. Jongin takes a step towards me and holds out his trembling hand. “Just…come back up and we can talk about it there? Okay? Alright? We can talk outside? We can’t-”

 _Can’t._ I’ve said…I’ve thought…I’ve been told that damned word so many times.

Can’t do this. Can’t do that. Can’t control my own fucking life.

Jongin’s words fade out as my own thoughts flood into my head.

Can’t breathe.

Can’t think.

Can’t move.

Hands grab my shoulders. Jongin comes back into view. Worried. Crying. Unsure of what to do. Calling out my name.

Looking me directly in the eyes.

 _“We aren’t supposed to make eye contact with or touch the Gaia…”_ Luhan’s words from years ago…or was that months ago…comes back to my mind clear as day. Something within me snaps. I squeeze my eyes closed. The eye contact. The touching.

I screech and bat his arms off my shoulders, and strike my palm against whatever is closest to me.

And that happens to be his face.

The sound is loud and my own hand stings at the impact.

Holy…fucking shit…my eyes open and immediately fill with tears. His mouth is parted, cheek darkening as blood rushes to the surface of his skin. He doesn’t even look like he’s in physical pain.

He looks…shocked. Disoriented. In disbelief. His eyes shift and his head slowly turns to follow them. I cover my mouth with my own trembling hands.

“Jongin I’m- Jongin I’m so sorry…” I mumble through fresh tears. He says nothing. His face blanks. He blinks slowly.

It’s so unlike him that dread fills every one of my veins like poison. _What have I done_. He backs away slowly at first, never taking his eyes off my own, and then he scrambles up the stairwell and vanishes in thin air.

His name escapes as a sob as I take meaningful step back towards the door. What have I done? What have I been doing?

“ _The Seven…well it’s a kind of disease that human women who are integrated into the Gaia lifestyle can get…”_

Feet carry me back up the stairs. Tears blur my vision.

Junmyeon’s face appears in my mind. The day that he told me about the Seven tagging along.

The symptoms.

My ignorance to how they crept on me.

Gluttony. The throwing up…the overeating.

Sloth. I had Sehun and Chanyeol carry me around for _weeks_.

Greed and Envy. I took things. I took other people’s things. I stole Baekhyun and Jongdae from Moonbyul because I thought I deserved them.

My hands push open the door and the sunlight blinds me. The door closes with a bang behind me.

Pride. I became a Gaia. I accepted it and even _feel_ it.

Lust. Oh god, they tried to tell me. They didn’t want to do everything I made them do. I made them do because _I_ wanted to see it.

And…wrath. The anger. Random bursts over time…but I actually hit Jongin. I actually…hit him. I slam my back against the cellar door and slide down to the ground.

Is it complete? Have I…made it too far? Am I too late to stop it? My chest constricts and heavy tears drop to the ground with audible ‘splats’.

I’m a monster.

I turned into a monster. The thing I promised myself to never be. The thing I was meant to stop. And it happened right under my nose. I let it happen. Because I thought I was doing the right thing.

I tricked _myself_ in to thinking I’d been doing the right thing. This whole time I’ve only been making things worse. So much worse.

_“What happened to you?”_

_“…hurt you…”_

_“…where is she?”_

_“I’ll fucking talk to her…”_

The voices. They’re coming for me. They tried to keep me from getting this far. They’re angry. They’re going to hurt me. They deserve to hurt me…because I hurt Jongin.

Terror grips my throat and forces me on to my feet. I have to get to my room. I have to be alone. I need to think. I need to figure out what’s going on. I sprint to my room and swing the door open hoping that Tao has already left. When an empty bedroom is all I see, I get to blocking my door. Putting on the locks I’d never cared to use. Pushing furniture in front of the door. Doing anything I can to keep me from getting out and others from coming in.

I rush to the bathroom and run the water in the tub at its hottest setting. Frantically I peel off my clothes as tears fill my eyes once again. The water fills the first basin and begins to drop into the second larger one like a waterfall.

_“Shit…”_

_“…It’s locked.”_

_“Someone open it!”_

The water swallows me and numbs my body. The voices scream louder in my head and I choke out a sob as they pound against the walls of my brain.

_Sink in. sink into the water. You can’t hear them underwater._

Following the instruction, I hold my breath and sink further beneath the water. The water flows into my ears and muffles the voices. I find silence. The feelings. The thoughts. The voices. They are dull and left in the back of my mind as I’m left with nothing but water.

My lungs begin to burn at the lack of oxygen, but I’m not ready to come up. If I come up the voices are going to come back. They’re going to attack me I know it. They tried to warn me but I didn’t listen.

They want revenge. I reach out and grab onto the edge of the tub to hold myself under.

But they come back. Louder this time. More frantic. Afraid. Crazed. Terrified. I hear my name. pounding on wood. Shouting. Black creeps inward from the corner of my vision. The noises don’t stop. I push myself deeper to drown them out.

I don’t want them to find me. I didn’t mean for the voices to actually find me.

My body starts to cramp up and it slips into a dark hole. The pressure in my head becomes unbearable and it takes too much effort to keep my eyes open. To keep myself awake. Maybe I can take a nap underwater…

Something heavy splashes in the basin and hauls me out of the water. My eyes close as unconsciousness takes over.

* * *

 

Water. Too much water in my body. I wake with a start, throwing up the water that had begun to fill my lungs. Did I drown? Was I actually drowning?

The water splatters across the porcelain tile of the bathroom, and my vision slips between the hole that I’d begun to slip into in the water and the actual scenery around me. I close my eyes and focus on breathing again. Getting rid of the water.

I can hear the voices around me, but I’m too busy remembering how to breathe.

“Don’t you _ever_ do that again. Fucking Christ. Don’t eve scare us like that again!” lightheaded, I cough unevenly and finally take in the scene around me. Yixing on his hands and knees and Chanyeol swiping me into his arms to squeeze what little oxygen I have in my body out.

“Let her go, she needs to breathe,” Yixing says quietly, out of breath almost. His chest is heaving. Chanyeol pulls away and it’s only then that I notice is soaking wet clothes and body. His eyes are moving around frantically. Taking in my every action, breath, injury.

I’m naked.

The realization is delayed and I weakly curl in to myself to cover my body. Am I shaking? Why is my body shaking so hard?

“Do you know where you are?” Yixing asks.

I nod my head and look at the bathtub that’s still running water. “I was taking a bath,” I say softly.

“Like _hell_ you were just taking a bath. The door to your room was _barricaded_. The water in that tub is _scalding fucking hot_. If it wasn’t me that pulled you out, someone would have gotten extremely burned. _what the hell were you trying to do-_ ”

“Chanyeol,” Yixing calls out his name meaningfully. The taller stops mid rant and takes in a calming breath. Yixing turns his attention back to me. “Why did you lock all of the doors? Did you hear us calling you?”

I clutch my legs closer to my body. “No…I…I was just trying to stop the voices. I didn’t want to hear the voices anymore, and they weren’t as loud under the water,” I frown to myself. “I didn’t think the water was that hot. It didn’t feel that hot…”

Staring down at my bare knees I try to reach out to the voices to see if they’re there, but they’re unusually quiet. Everyone is quiet.

“June…” Yixing calls out tentatively. I look up at him fearfully. Do they all know about what I did to Jongin? Do they hate me yet? Do they know I got the Seven? “You should get dressed. Then we need to have a talk.” He looks at Chanyeol and the two of them share a look. “All of us,” he adds as an afterthought. Yixing pushes himself off the ground and leaves from the room wordlessly.

Chanyeol and I engage in a stare off. Him half upset and angry, half relieved and afraid to do or say anything. Me not knowing what to say at all.

He sighs and reaches out to grab my upper arms to guide me up off the ground. Reluctantly I follow and rise out of my crouch. He quickly reaches over to turn off the faucet that I’d left running. He grabs a towel and pulls it snuggly around my shoulders. His frown continues to deepen angrily, but his actions are the entire opposite. Gentle and timid.

I shrink away from his touch and hold the towel to my body protectively. His hands hover in the air unsure of how to respond to the sudden cold shoulder.

“Just…sit here. I’ll bring you some clothes.” He walks towards the door only to whip back around and point his finger in my general direction crossly. “ _Don’t_ move,” he commands. I nod minutely and play with the fringes of the towel while left alone in the bathroom.

I wonder who broke through the door.

Dejected and exhausted, I wait motionlessly for Chanyeol to return with a handful of thick clothing. I half-heartedly pull by body into the clothes with his help. He doesn’t say anything. I feel suffocated in the silence.

Walking sulkily behind him, we enter my bedroom.

Where a shit ton of people are waiting, and staring at us.

 Sehun, Tao, Kyungsoo, Jongdae, Baekhyun, Yixing, Junmyeon, Minseok. The 8 of them are perched around the room with a heavy air settled above them all. It’s frightening.

“It’s about time we all had a…talk,” Yixing breaks through the stillness. I nod in acknowledgement and move toward the group of Charmers unsure of where to situate myself. Tao and Kyungsoo make space between themselves on the bed, so I position myself between them. Everyone uncomfortably shifts as the silence carries on.

“Why’d you do it?” Kyungsoo asks softly beside me. I glance over and take I his earnest eyes and patient tone and I have to look away. I’ll cry if he keeps looking at me like that.

“Do what…” I murmur. Hit Jongin? Lose myself?

“The tub,” Chanyeol cuts in bluntly.

Oh. “I…I didn’t want to hear the voices…”

“What voices?” Yixing urges.

I shift in my spot. “In my head. I…I hear these voices sometimes. They…they never saying anything directly to me, but I hear them all the time. Random things. They come when they want and I don’t know how to stop them. Them and the feelings. Sometimes I feel things that I don’t think are my own. They just…are always there always buzzing in the back of my mind.”

Tao frowns hard and put his hand on my thigh. I look at it lifelessly. “Do you…know if you’ve bonded with people?”

“Bonded? I think Luhan told me something about it once. I think the two of us did. What is it?”

“June, I don’t want you to freak out, but I think this is a side effect of bonding with too many Charmers,” Yixing says slowly. I furrow my eyebrows. What does he mean? I haven’t bonded with anyone on purpose. “It’s…already rare to bond with a Charmer, but it’s not impossible. And it’s not impossible to bond with multiple. I know a bit about it, and you’re showing severe symptoms.

“It can occur for a number of reason but bonds when formed between Charmer and human, or Gaia and human can have side effects on both parties. It’s not uncommon for thoughts, feelings, and even the pain of one to be felt by the other. I’ve only read about a few cases, but usually it’s felt equally on both sides; however, if more than one forms, then the human impacted by it will begin to feel a greater version of it while he magical counterparts feel it diluted.”

“Uh…”

Yixing shakes his head annoyed at the dumb looks all of us are sending him. “It means that if _you_ bond with more than one person you feel it more than your Charmers will. It begins to turn into a one-way street for the most part. Your own thoughts and feelings can sometimes be felt by those you’re bonded to, but it’s more likely that you will only feel theirs. 

“The bond causes a stronger relationship to form between those involved, and because of how rare…kindness is between the races, it only needs a bit of affection at the start to bloom into a full-blown bond. What you’ve been experiencing, the voices, the mood swings, the feelings that aren’t your own, have been what I assume is a mix of all those same things that your Charmers are feeling and thinking. You haven’t known what it is, that’s why you’ve confused it as your own.”

My mouth drops open at the explanation. It’s _not_ me? I’ve been…hearing _them_? All this time…

How much of what I thought I was feeling was them? Which times? How often? Did they _know_ about this?

“Did you guys already know about this?” I whisper.

Tao raises his hand. “I…I had a hunch. Kris and Luhan knew…and then Jongin knew because he bonded with you. I told...uh…everyone else.”

I scan the room of faces and shake my head in disbelief. “How many? How many of you have I bonded with?”

Tao raises his hand again. I follow with my eyes around the room as other hands rise. Sehun. Chanyeol. Kyungsoo. Minseok. “And Jongin and Luhan,” Sehun tacks on softly.  

Their faces are solemn. I don’t know what to say. What to do. How to react. I didn’t ask for this…this _harem_ of guys. I don’t…I don’t even _want_ it. If Yixing is right, then this will only get worse as their feeling grow. It’s only _gotten_ worse as their feelings grew. I don’t want any of their love. I can’t…I can’t even truly love one, how can I even _think_ about really loving all of them? How can I _accept_ the love of multiple? They don’t even actually…there’s no way. It’s just the bond that’s made them think that they love me. That made them think there was something more than there is. I know it.

I know it.

“Can I…can it be broken? Can I get rid of it?” I ask at last. A few of their faces fall, look away in disappointment, sad acceptance.  

“Yes, but…I think you should talk to the Queen fir-”

“The Queen is dead!” Jongin bursts into the room panting. Eyes wide, frantic noises pouring in behind him. “The kingdom is in flames!” a symphony of screams flow into the room. Crashing. Shots. Things breaking. The ground beneath us shudders.

Everyone in the room jumps to their feet. No one says a word. She’s dead? I don’t dare ask. I can feel that his words are true.

Solar is dead.  

“Yes, and it’s time for you to go,” a voice I haven’t heard in months calls out over the chaos. Jongin turns around and takes shaky steps to his side allowing the other to walk through the shadows of the hall closer to the light. “You’ve done all you could, June.” All of the lights around us flicker off, shutting down entirely. The emergency lights turn on and shroud us in heavy dread. The tall figure steps from behind Jongin, calm and collected. Dressed as if heading directly in to battle. Ready to lead the way.

Kris.

“We need to get out now. The revolution has begun.”


	56. BOOK 2

**BOOK 2 IS UP AND READY TO ACCESS!**

 

**HERE IT IS[BOOK 2 | REGRET](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11787420)**


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